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1
00:00:12,735 --> 00:00:15,390
Mmm... Mm-mm!
2
00:00:17,215 --> 00:00:19,260
So, uh...
3
00:00:19,303 --> 00:00:22,698
RJ, um, has our little
Indian neighbor shown you
4
00:00:22,738 --> 00:00:24,305
her vaj majal yet?
5
00:00:24,347 --> 00:00:26,219
- Rick!
- What?
6
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,001
what he means is,
7
00:00:28,044 --> 00:00:29,523
how are things
going with Claire?
8
00:00:29,566 --> 00:00:31,263
- Yeah.
- Yeah, RJ.
9
00:00:31,306 --> 00:00:32,786
How's three weeks of
finally getting a girlfriend
10
00:00:32,828 --> 00:00:33,960
and still not
getting any treating you?
11
00:00:34,002 --> 00:00:35,351
Shut up, Miles.
12
00:00:35,394 --> 00:00:36,961
Hey, seriously,
if I were you guys,
13
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,918
I'd think about
covering the furniture
14
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,526
before Mount Saint Blue
balls finally erupts.
15
00:00:40,569 --> 00:00:42,223
- Miles.
- Hey, hey.
16
00:00:42,265 --> 00:00:47,140
What's the difference
between RJ and Dick Clark?
17
00:00:47,179 --> 00:00:48,877
Umm...
18
00:00:48,919 --> 00:00:50,878
At least that Dick
had a stroke.
19
00:00:52,267 --> 00:00:54,400
Oh, that is awful.
20
00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:56,923
But is, is Miles
right, bud?
21
00:00:56,965 --> 00:00:59,315
I mean, is that squirrel
making you dance for your nut?
22
00:00:59,356 --> 00:01:00,967
I really like Claire,
you know?
23
00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:03,359
And if she wants to wait
to do that stuff, then...
24
00:01:03,401 --> 00:01:04,837
It's okay with me.
25
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,143
No, you really
like Jenny Swanson.
26
00:01:07,185 --> 00:01:10,972
But if you can't hit this
Claire girl slum-doggy style,
27
00:01:11,012 --> 00:01:13,188
how are you ever gonna
be able to get with Jenny?
28
00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:16,102
You have to not be scared
to go for it, right?
29
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,536
- You have to initiate.
- Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:17,579 --> 00:01:19,755
Like if you're sitting
next to her, okay?
31
00:01:19,797 --> 00:01:23,365
Take her hand gently
in yours.
32
00:01:23,407 --> 00:01:25,278
Place it in your lap.
33
00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:28,149
Like so.
34
00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:30,932
Oh, there's something
in my hand.
35
00:01:30,974 --> 00:01:32,627
Oh, yeah, she'll
catch on real quick.
36
00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:34,977
It's like playing your Wii.
37
00:01:35,018 --> 00:01:37,455
Okay, easy, we're
not trying to start a fire.
38
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:38,933
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.
39
00:01:40,585 --> 00:01:41,717
Miles, come on.
40
00:01:41,759 --> 00:01:43,848
My name is RJ Berger.
41
00:01:43,891 --> 00:01:46,023
And I'm never
playing Wii again.
42
00:01:54,807 --> 00:01:56,939
You'd think that
with all the
43
00:01:56,981 --> 00:01:58,417
skull fragments
and blood spatters
44
00:01:58,459 --> 00:02:00,505
that it would kill
the sexual tension.
45
00:02:01,983 --> 00:02:04,333
There's just something
about Miami, I guess.
46
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,115
Maybe it's the heat.
47
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:09,683
Well, then perhaps
48
00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:11,595
we should ditch the clothes.
49
00:02:11,637 --> 00:02:16,077
Oh, I can't even look at it.
50
00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:19,946
God, have you ever
seen anything so hideous.
51
00:02:19,987 --> 00:02:22,032
It doesn't even
look like a human.
52
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,946
This is gonna take more
53
00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:26,992
than just regular
police work, Sanchez.
54
00:02:27,032 --> 00:02:29,600
This is gonna
take Miami police work.
55
00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:33,254
Easy now, easy.
56
00:02:35,295 --> 00:02:36,732
Hey, man, they
have these reports.
57
00:02:36,774 --> 00:02:38,994
It's a .9 millimeter casing.
58
00:02:39,036 --> 00:02:42,039
Ortega, what else
did CSI come up with?
59
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,300
It's getting kinda late, RJ.
60
00:02:46,342 --> 00:02:48,257
I think I have to leave.
61
00:02:48,299 --> 00:02:50,693
Wait, you sure?
62
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,519
Okay, bye!
63
00:02:56,649 --> 00:02:58,086
Your dad's right, man.
64
00:02:58,128 --> 00:02:59,608
You gotta
be more aggressive.
65
00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:02,741
You gotta take it out
and just... bam!
66
00:03:02,781 --> 00:03:04,783
Yeah.
You see that, baby?
67
00:03:04,826 --> 00:03:07,263
That's right, that's my D-piece.
Deal with it.
68
00:03:07,304 --> 00:03:10,394
Dude, I don't understand
what everyone's problem is.
69
00:03:10,436 --> 00:03:12,220
I don't mind that we're not
doing filthy things
70
00:03:12,262 --> 00:03:14,177
to each other.
Claire's awesome.
71
00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,265
And I don't wanna do anything
that's gonna mess that up.
72
00:03:16,306 --> 00:03:19,005
Right now,
I am cool with just
73
00:03:19,046 --> 00:03:21,135
enjoying each other's company.
74
00:03:21,178 --> 00:03:22,832
Hey!
75
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,571
Are you a little girl?
76
00:03:30,093 --> 00:03:34,227
- Excuse me?
- Are you a little girl?!
77
00:03:34,268 --> 00:03:36,749
- No.
- Good.
78
00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:38,400
'Cause this is
the high school bus.
79
00:03:38,443 --> 00:03:40,445
This bus is for big boys
80
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,925
- and big girls only.
- Okay.
81
00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:45,882
And let me give you a little
piece of man to pussy advice.
82
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:48,927
When you say things like
"enjoy each other's company,"
83
00:03:48,968 --> 00:03:51,797
that makes dudes
wanna punch you in the face.
84
00:03:51,838 --> 00:03:53,753
I don't ever wanna
hear that kind of talk
85
00:03:53,795 --> 00:03:55,841
on my bus again,
you got it?
86
00:03:55,883 --> 00:03:57,493
And let me tell you
something else.
87
00:03:57,535 --> 00:03:59,058
I wouldn't
go bragging about
88
00:03:59,101 --> 00:04:00,842
how you're
not getting any, either.
89
00:04:00,884 --> 00:04:03,060
If I were you...
90
00:04:03,102 --> 00:04:06,018
I'd start lying
my scrawny little ass off.
91
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,365
Mm-mm.
92
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,846
Well...
Congratulations, RJ.
93
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,585
You just got advice
from the bus driver.
94
00:04:16,627 --> 00:04:18,150
I believe that's a new low.
95
00:04:20,107 --> 00:04:21,848
Stacey is
just a few pushes away
96
00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:23,413
from being
a teenage mother.
97
00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:26,240
"Harder, harder!"
says the nurse.
98
00:04:26,282 --> 00:04:28,458
Ironically, those
were the very same words
99
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,982
that got Stacey in this mess
nine short months ago.
100
00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:37,591
Stacey sure
looked sexy that night.
101
00:04:37,633 --> 00:04:40,679
But now...
102
00:04:40,721 --> 00:04:43,245
Ohh!
103
00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:46,290
She just had a bowel movement
in front of everybody
104
00:04:46,331 --> 00:04:49,378
- with her last big push.
- Oh, dude, what the hell?!
105
00:04:57,421 --> 00:04:59,597
Congratulations, Stacey.
106
00:04:59,639 --> 00:05:01,423
Too bad you can't keep
the baby
107
00:05:01,466 --> 00:05:03,642
and give those stretch marks
up for adoption.
108
00:05:05,815 --> 00:05:08,992
Blood, poop,
and ruined bodies.
109
00:05:11,381 --> 00:05:14,210
All righty.
In the minutes remaining,
110
00:05:14,251 --> 00:05:17,385
I will pull a few slips
from the anonymous question bin.
111
00:05:17,426 --> 00:05:19,951
Um...
112
00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:23,343
"Is it weird
that all I want to do
113
00:05:23,385 --> 00:05:25,256
"is give my boyfriend BJ's?
114
00:05:25,298 --> 00:05:28,867
Like, 24-7."
Ha, all right.
115
00:05:28,908 --> 00:05:30,605
Weird, well, I wouldn't
call it weird.
116
00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:33,128
Actually, it's pretty common.
117
00:05:33,170 --> 00:05:35,651
But you might want to mix it
up an eensie teensie bit.
118
00:05:35,692 --> 00:05:39,087
You know, like, uh,
the sidesaddle French butler,
119
00:05:39,128 --> 00:05:40,390
like we talked about
in class yesterday.
120
00:05:40,432 --> 00:05:42,565
Mm-hmm, yeah.
121
00:05:42,607 --> 00:05:44,261
Okay, next question.
122
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:46,261
"I have two girlfriends.
123
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,871
"They both
know about each other.
124
00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:49,872
"They are
totally cool with it,
125
00:05:49,913 --> 00:05:51,567
"and we have sex
all three of us
126
00:05:51,609 --> 00:05:53,046
like, a dozen times a week..."
127
00:05:53,088 --> 00:05:55,612
This bin is for serious
questions, you all.
128
00:05:55,654 --> 00:05:58,483
Not for bragging.
Next.
129
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,831
"Is it normal..."
Mmm...
130
00:06:00,873 --> 00:06:03,179
"for a boy
to want to wait?"
131
00:06:03,222 --> 00:06:05,485
Well...
132
00:06:05,526 --> 00:06:07,877
On the record, I'm supposed
to tell you that it's
133
00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:10,225
totally normal for a boy to want
to wait, but we're buds.
134
00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:11,964
Off the record?
135
00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:14,052
If boys your age
want to wait,
136
00:06:14,094 --> 00:06:16,227
they really should
see a doctor because
137
00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:19,445
they either have a serious
hormone imbalance
138
00:06:19,487 --> 00:06:21,054
or they have
a secret craving
139
00:06:21,096 --> 00:06:22,663
for the warm flesh
of another fella.
140
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,316
Which is totally okay.
141
00:06:37,752 --> 00:06:40,363
And I was like, "Hey, just
call me the milkman, baby,
142
00:06:40,406 --> 00:06:42,408
"'cause I'm delivering
cream every day."
143
00:06:42,449 --> 00:06:45,061
Cream!
144
00:06:45,102 --> 00:06:46,756
What, you trying to get me
to touch your titty?
145
00:06:46,799 --> 00:06:48,496
Put your hand down.
146
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,366
So I heard,
I heard Berger here's
147
00:06:50,408 --> 00:06:52,105
got himself
a second girlfriend, huh?
148
00:06:52,148 --> 00:06:53,627
Hey, you know, besides
big boy over here.
149
00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:55,803
Yeah, yeah.
150
00:06:55,844 --> 00:06:58,325
That, uh,
that Indian girl, right?
151
00:06:58,366 --> 00:06:59,628
Yeah, there's
no way he's hitting that.
152
00:06:59,671 --> 00:07:01,325
No, no.
There's no way.
153
00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,847
There's no way you're
getting your tomahawk
154
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,369
anywhere near her wigwam.
155
00:07:05,891 --> 00:07:07,022
Wrong Indian,
douche-face.
156
00:07:08,369 --> 00:07:09,762
See, see, look.
You touched a nerve, man.
157
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,023
He's definitely
getting denied.
158
00:07:13,327 --> 00:07:14,719
If I were you,
I'd start lying
159
00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:17,025
my scrawny little ass off.
160
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:21,287
Yeah, well, actually,
as a matter of fact,
161
00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:23,549
I got a tugger
from her last night.
162
00:07:25,721 --> 00:07:27,114
Wow.
163
00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:29,028
Well, look at that,
huh?
164
00:07:29,071 --> 00:07:32,814
RJ Berger got his nuts
all... drained.
165
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,423
Relax, bro.
166
00:07:40,465 --> 00:07:42,163
You said it,
they left you alone.
167
00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:44,554
- You did the right thing.
- Miles, I lied.
168
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,991
That makes me no better
than those future date rapists.
169
00:07:47,032 --> 00:07:48,729
I don't wanna be the type of
guy who spreads rumors.
170
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,818
Especially about Claire.
171
00:07:50,859 --> 00:07:53,862
Dude, I spread,
like, four rumors a day.
172
00:07:53,904 --> 00:07:56,384
None of them ever get back
to the person who...
173
00:07:56,426 --> 00:07:57,819
Uh!
174
00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:58,949
Have you been
telling people
175
00:07:58,992 --> 00:08:00,994
that I let you
motorboat my boobs?
176
00:08:02,862 --> 00:08:05,996
Robin, I swear to God,
I never...
177
00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:09,649
Courtyard after school,
be there or be a bitch.
178
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,039
Wait, wait.
179
00:08:11,082 --> 00:08:13,780
- You wanna fight me?
- No.
180
00:08:13,822 --> 00:08:16,041
I wanna beat you
till you beg for death.
181
00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:18,173
I'm sick of you spreading
lies about me, Miles.
182
00:08:18,214 --> 00:08:21,261
So I'm gonna spread your face
across the concrete.
183
00:08:23,781 --> 00:08:27,089
Ugh! Dude...
184
00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:28,828
Did you hear that?
185
00:08:28,869 --> 00:08:31,132
Miles.
She knows my name!
186
00:08:31,175 --> 00:08:32,872
You see what I mean, dude?
187
00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:35,568
The rumor always gets back
to the person who started it.
188
00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:37,742
Now Claire's gonna find out,
and it's all gonna be over.
189
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,787
- I'm a dead man.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
190
00:08:39,829 --> 00:08:41,526
- What if you didn't lie?
- But I did.
191
00:08:41,568 --> 00:08:43,092
As of now, yes.
192
00:08:43,134 --> 00:08:44,483
But what if you can
make the lie true
193
00:08:44,526 --> 00:08:46,267
before she hears it?
194
00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:47,658
Then you're only guilty
of kissing and telling, tops.
195
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:50,312
Dude, that is...
196
00:08:50,354 --> 00:08:52,051
Genius.
197
00:08:52,093 --> 00:08:53,877
Make the lie true.
198
00:08:58,008 --> 00:08:59,748
RJ!
199
00:08:59,791 --> 00:09:02,402
- Hey.
- Hey!
200
00:09:02,444 --> 00:09:03,837
You don't have gym now.
201
00:09:03,879 --> 00:09:05,098
No, I was going
to talk to the coach
202
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:08,230
about, uh, something
in his area of expertise.
203
00:09:08,272 --> 00:09:10,665
Oh, something
ball related, no doubt.
204
00:09:10,707 --> 00:09:12,491
Yup.
205
00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:14,797
I heard
a disturbing rumor.
206
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,753
Did... did you?
207
00:09:19,796 --> 00:09:23,147
Apparently, Miles is going
to fight Robin Pretnar
208
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:24,320
after school today.
209
00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:26,887
Oh, yeah! Oh!
210
00:09:26,929 --> 00:09:29,105
Yeah, that one is
spreading like wildfire.
211
00:09:29,146 --> 00:09:31,105
I mean, people seem
really excited about it.
212
00:09:31,147 --> 00:09:32,583
Well, you know,
you'd be surprised
213
00:09:32,626 --> 00:09:34,106
how many people hate Miles.
214
00:09:34,148 --> 00:09:35,889
It's amazing, really.
215
00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:37,715
- Claire!
- Oh, I gotta go.
216
00:09:37,757 --> 00:09:38,758
Okay, I'll see you later.
217
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,587
See you.
218
00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:55,720
What?
219
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,069
Berger, what are you doing here?
220
00:10:02,112 --> 00:10:03,722
Our appointments
are on Tuesdays.
221
00:10:03,764 --> 00:10:05,897
Coach, um...
222
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,942
What's the quickest way
to get a tug job?
223
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,029
I've hit
a body before, Berger.
224
00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:12,291
- And I'll do it again...
- Oh, no, no, no, no, Coach.
225
00:10:12,332 --> 00:10:15,248
Not, not from you.
226
00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:17,509
Oh.
227
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,770
Well, then...
228
00:10:19,812 --> 00:10:21,422
Take a seat.
229
00:10:21,465 --> 00:10:22,770
All right.
230
00:10:26,249 --> 00:10:28,382
Um...
231
00:10:28,423 --> 00:10:30,686
I've tried,
I've tried everything.
232
00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:32,425
- I did the cute little jokes.
- Mm-hmm.
233
00:10:32,468 --> 00:10:35,819
Um, I put her...
I put her hand on my...
234
00:10:35,861 --> 00:10:37,819
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, and I...
235
00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:39,732
I did the, um,
the whistle move.
236
00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:42,516
You know, the...
237
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,602
This girl
slow or something?
238
00:10:43,645 --> 00:10:45,603
- No.
- Then stop making noises
239
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:46,821
like your Johnson's in
a Saturday morning cartoon.
240
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:50,604
You only got one hope, man.
241
00:10:50,647 --> 00:10:51,953
Pheromones.
242
00:10:51,995 --> 00:10:54,084
- What... what?
- Pheromones?
243
00:10:54,126 --> 00:10:57,825
Well, I'm sorry.
What's a pheromone?
244
00:10:57,867 --> 00:10:58,868
It's the smell
we give off
245
00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:01,130
that triggers
a mate's attraction.
246
00:11:01,171 --> 00:11:03,173
Now, I ain't talking about
your little boy musk, either.
247
00:11:03,216 --> 00:11:07,133
I'm talking about the swamp rot
of a real man's taint.
248
00:11:07,173 --> 00:11:10,829
Think of it as, uh,
nature's scented body spray.
249
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,785
All right?
You want a tug job?
250
00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:16,047
Next time
you see this girl,
251
00:11:16,088 --> 00:11:19,091
you make sure you stanker
than a cave man's ass.
252
00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:21,657
And pray two million years
of evolution kicks in.
253
00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,224
Hey, Robin.
254
00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,790
What the hell do you want,
dead man walking?
255
00:11:32,832 --> 00:11:34,703
Dead man walking.
256
00:11:34,746 --> 00:11:36,574
So, um, hey,
I was thinking.
257
00:11:36,615 --> 00:11:37,747
You know,
this whole thing's
258
00:11:37,790 --> 00:11:39,575
been blown way
out of proportion.
259
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,923
Let's be honest, you don't
really wanna fight me.
260
00:11:41,966 --> 00:11:43,619
Wrong.
261
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,924
Uh, well, I mean,
don't you think
262
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:46,837
it'd be a little
embarrassing?
263
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,838
I mean, look at me
and look at you.
264
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,490
I'm, like,
three times your size.
265
00:11:50,532 --> 00:11:52,883
Ah!
266
00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:55,406
You're nothing
but a big pussy, Miles.
267
00:11:55,447 --> 00:11:57,275
Not only am I gonna
beat your ass,
268
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,232
but I'm gonna
tell the whole school
269
00:11:59,274 --> 00:12:02,364
that you begged for mercy
like a little bitch.
270
00:12:15,409 --> 00:12:18,194
I triumphant music
271
00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:29,111
This... is for us.
272
00:12:41,111 --> 00:12:42,852
Thanks for
agreeing to train me.
273
00:12:45,983 --> 00:12:48,115
Something tells me that Robin's
gonna be fighting dirty.
274
00:12:48,157 --> 00:12:50,942
And well, you are the dirtiest
girl I've ever met
275
00:12:50,984 --> 00:12:52,202
in every
conceivable way, so...
276
00:12:52,245 --> 00:12:54,247
Aw, Miles,
that's the sweetest thing
277
00:12:54,289 --> 00:12:56,944
- you've ever said to me.
- Ah, stop it.
278
00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:58,726
Okay, so, like,
what are some of my,
279
00:12:58,768 --> 00:13:00,552
uh, like, defense options?
280
00:13:00,595 --> 00:13:03,467
Well, the good news
is you've got Titanic thighs
281
00:13:03,509 --> 00:13:05,032
to protect your balls.
282
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:06,859
- Right.
- The bad news,
283
00:13:06,902 --> 00:13:09,339
you've got a lot
of other wide open acreage.
284
00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:11,992
- Okay.
- Things to look out for...
285
00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:13,078
Nails.
286
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,557
Oh, you'd think
she'd stoop to scratching?
287
00:13:15,599 --> 00:13:17,383
Not scratching, tubster.
288
00:13:17,426 --> 00:13:19,428
- Digging.
- Digging? Oh!
289
00:13:19,469 --> 00:13:20,470
Focus, Miles.
290
00:13:20,514 --> 00:13:22,385
There's a way out of this.
291
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,776
If you yank your arm back
as hard as you can,
292
00:13:23,818 --> 00:13:25,255
you'll break her nails.
293
00:13:25,297 --> 00:13:26,820
Do it now!
294
00:13:26,863 --> 00:13:29,344
Oh, I did it! I did...
295
00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:33,345
Don't get cocky,
she's got a bag full
296
00:13:33,386 --> 00:13:35,084
of makeup and loose change,
and she'll use it.
297
00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:37,215
You gotta warn me
before you do that!
298
00:13:37,257 --> 00:13:39,781
Oh!
299
00:13:39,823 --> 00:13:41,173
You gotta
stay frosty, bitch.
300
00:13:41,215 --> 00:13:42,521
What the hell?!
301
00:13:42,563 --> 00:13:44,174
She's not gonna be using
a stapler... Oh!
302
00:13:44,215 --> 00:13:47,479
You wanna land as many
ovary shots as you can.
303
00:13:47,521 --> 00:13:49,827
And if you're lucky,
she'll be on her period.
304
00:13:49,869 --> 00:13:50,609
Okay, enough.
305
00:13:50,652 --> 00:13:52,350
And last but not least,
306
00:13:52,391 --> 00:13:54,480
you gotta be ready
for the nuclear options.
307
00:13:54,523 --> 00:13:58,135
Ahh!
308
00:13:58,176 --> 00:13:59,742
And that concludes
today's lesson.
309
00:14:03,525 --> 00:14:06,310
♪ I'm so fresh,
I'm so fresh, fresh ♪
310
00:14:06,352 --> 00:14:09,137
♪ 'Cause I'm fresh,
I'm so fresh, fresh ♪
311
00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:11,790
♪ Yeah, I'm fresh,
I'm so fresh, fresh ♪
312
00:14:11,831 --> 00:14:14,138
♪ 'Cause I'm fresh, fresh,
'cause I'm fresh, fresh ♪
313
00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:16,573
♪ 'Cause I'm
314
00:14:16,616 --> 00:14:19,184
I do wanna go but I'm not
sure if my parents will let me.
315
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,879
They're very strict.
Where are you go...
316
00:14:20,922 --> 00:14:22,619
Good afternoon, milady.
317
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:24,706
My God.
318
00:14:24,748 --> 00:14:26,576
RJ, do you smell
something rancid?
319
00:14:26,618 --> 00:14:28,881
Rancid or irresistible?
320
00:14:28,924 --> 00:14:30,838
You have a weird hair
on your lip.
321
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,536
It's short,
and red, and curly.
322
00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:40,494
I was thinking a
little Miami crime-fighting?
323
00:14:40,535 --> 00:14:43,146
- 9:00, my house?
- Oh, my God, RJ, it's you!
324
00:14:43,188 --> 00:14:45,407
You smell awful.
325
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:47,321
You don't like it?
326
00:14:47,363 --> 00:14:49,582
Like it? No, why on earth
would I like it?
327
00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:51,844
Well, give it a minute.
328
00:14:51,886 --> 00:14:54,149
You know, let nature
take its course.
329
00:14:54,191 --> 00:14:57,411
What's the matter
with you lately, RJ?
330
00:14:57,453 --> 00:15:00,195
First the weird jokes,
then the whistling noises,
331
00:15:00,236 --> 00:15:02,847
and now these disgusting smells?
332
00:15:02,889 --> 00:15:04,195
I don't think I can
hang out with you tonight.
333
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,891
You know, perhaps we should
spend a little while apart
334
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:08,023
while you sort yourself out.
335
00:15:11,804 --> 00:15:13,937
Ooh...
336
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,242
Looking good, Berger.
337
00:15:18,024 --> 00:15:20,852
♪ Funky mad lovin'
338
00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:24,504
She looked
at me like I'm crazy.
339
00:15:24,547 --> 00:15:26,331
I mean,
I'm an idiot, Miles.
340
00:15:26,374 --> 00:15:29,029
She's the only girl
who likes me in 15 years,
341
00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:31,246
and I find
a way to screw it up.
342
00:15:31,288 --> 00:15:33,420
Dude, are you kidding me?
343
00:15:33,463 --> 00:15:34,943
I got maced in the eyes
344
00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:36,813
training to fight a girl, asshole.
345
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,944
Stop whining about
your stupid girl troubles.
346
00:15:38,986 --> 00:15:40,727
Well, well...
347
00:15:40,768 --> 00:15:42,379
Stay the hell away
from me.
348
00:15:42,421 --> 00:15:44,249
I heard your
so-called girlfriend
349
00:15:44,292 --> 00:15:45,989
finally struck white gold.
350
00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:47,902
Okay, that's a rumor.
351
00:15:47,945 --> 00:15:49,859
And the fact that you heard
that means I'm a dead man.
352
00:15:49,902 --> 00:15:51,121
What the hell
you talkin' about?
353
00:15:51,163 --> 00:15:52,686
I told a couple of guys
354
00:15:52,729 --> 00:15:54,383
that Claire
gave me a pickle tickle,
355
00:15:54,424 --> 00:15:56,078
and now the whole
school knows.
356
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,340
So she didn't
strike white gold?
357
00:15:58,382 --> 00:16:00,645
She hasn't
even started drilling.
358
00:16:00,687 --> 00:16:02,515
I've tried everything.
359
00:16:02,557 --> 00:16:05,125
I mean, the tricks,
the innuendos, the jokes.
360
00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:06,907
Have you tried asking her?
361
00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:08,516
Asking her what?
362
00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:10,691
I swear,
boys are so stupid.
363
00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:13,779
Listen, not that I like the idea
364
00:16:13,821 --> 00:16:16,302
of you and what's-her-name
getting it on,
365
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:20,434
but girls aren't into
cutesy crap and tricks.
366
00:16:20,475 --> 00:16:22,477
They like it
when a guy's direct.
367
00:16:22,519 --> 00:16:25,218
Exactly, dude!
Bam!
368
00:16:25,259 --> 00:16:27,696
That's my D-piece, baby.
Deal with it!
369
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:29,740
No.
370
00:16:29,782 --> 00:16:32,220
I mean, talk to her.
371
00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:33,915
You idiot!
372
00:16:40,263 --> 00:16:42,178
Hey.
373
00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:43,612
Um, I need to talk to you.
374
00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:44,917
What now, RJ?
375
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,137
Hey, hey, way to go,
HJ Berger.
376
00:16:48,178 --> 00:16:49,223
Uh, somewhere a little
bit more private.
377
00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:50,353
What?
378
00:16:52,223 --> 00:16:53,311
Okay, so I'm
gonna start by saying
379
00:16:53,353 --> 00:16:56,487
that I like you.
380
00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:59,183
I really like you, okay?
381
00:16:59,225 --> 00:17:03,055
And these past
few weeks have been...
382
00:17:03,095 --> 00:17:05,619
Wow.
They've been amazing.
383
00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:07,358
But I promise to be
straightforward with you
384
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,446
from here on in.
And I respect
385
00:17:09,489 --> 00:17:11,795
your pace
and your timeline.
386
00:17:11,837 --> 00:17:15,058
And I respect your body,
I really do.
387
00:17:15,098 --> 00:17:16,970
And you know what,
I'm the first...
388
00:17:17,012 --> 00:17:18,971
I'm the first to admit
that I don't really know...
389
00:17:20,708 --> 00:17:22,928
I don't really know when
to, you know,
390
00:17:22,971 --> 00:17:24,711
like, initiate things.
I'm just...
391
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:25,797
I'm not the best
with that type of thing.
392
00:17:27,841 --> 00:17:29,886
And, and, and I want you
to feel comfortable,
393
00:17:29,929 --> 00:17:32,410
but I want you to know
that I wanna do things to you,
394
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,062
and I want... mmm!
395
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:42,846
Good day,
ladies and gents!
396
00:17:42,888 --> 00:17:45,021
The world is alive,
is it not?
397
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,675
There's a sort
of merriment in the air.
398
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,196
That's the sound of
half the school
399
00:17:49,239 --> 00:17:50,849
waiting to see Miles
get his ass kicked.
400
00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:52,849
She'll back out.
100%
401
00:17:52,891 --> 00:17:54,850
Miles, Miles...
402
00:17:54,891 --> 00:17:56,676
I've had an epiphany.
403
00:17:56,718 --> 00:17:59,025
Holy [bleep], you busted
your nut, didn't you?
404
00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:00,546
Indeed I did, Lily.
405
00:18:00,589 --> 00:18:03,418
And when all
that tension was released,
406
00:18:03,459 --> 00:18:05,940
I came to a conclusion.
407
00:18:05,982 --> 00:18:08,158
The world is
a beautiful place.
408
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,028
Great, two tugs on his wang,
409
00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:11,854
and he's Deepak freakin'
Chopra.
410
00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:15,074
Hey, fatty.
It's go time.
411
00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:26,641
Ready to have your
lying mouth shut for good?
412
00:18:26,683 --> 00:18:29,077
Look, Robin, I'd really
rather not hit a girl.
413
00:18:30,945 --> 00:18:32,947
Oh!
Except for right now, bitch!
414
00:18:32,990 --> 00:18:35,557
Hell yeah!
415
00:18:35,599 --> 00:18:36,817
You know, it didn't have to be
416
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,122
this way, Robin.
417
00:18:38,165 --> 00:18:39,688
You brought this on yourself.
418
00:18:39,730 --> 00:18:41,515
Ha!
Whoo!
419
00:18:56,126 --> 00:18:57,127
Ow!
420
00:19:02,606 --> 00:19:04,129
That all you got?
421
00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,001
Shouldn't you stopping this?
422
00:19:10,043 --> 00:19:11,784
I would, but the fat kid
spread a rumor
423
00:19:11,825 --> 00:19:13,218
that I use corn dogs
to masturbate.
424
00:19:17,479 --> 00:19:18,480
Ooh!
425
00:19:20,915 --> 00:19:23,831
Ohh...
426
00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:32,832
Oh [bleep].
427
00:19:34,093 --> 00:19:35,224
Next time, I'll kill you!
428
00:19:38,137 --> 00:19:40,400
Dude, should I get
the nurse or something?
429
00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,792
Dude...
430
00:19:42,834 --> 00:19:44,575
I totally felt her boob.
431
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,140
Dude, I saw that.
That was awesome.
432
00:19:47,531 --> 00:19:48,836
RJ!
433
00:19:48,879 --> 00:19:50,533
Oh, Claire, don't worry.
434
00:19:50,575 --> 00:19:51,968
- He's gonna be all right.
- Did you tell the whole school
435
00:19:52,011 --> 00:19:53,012
I gave you a wank?
436
00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:57,753
I mean, not, like,
the whole... ooh, ow!
437
00:19:57,795 --> 00:20:00,885
Never talk to me again, RJ!
438
00:20:00,925 --> 00:20:04,755
Wait! I...
439
00:20:04,797 --> 00:20:07,191
Well...
440
00:20:07,232 --> 00:20:09,104
At least you got your tugger.
441
00:20:09,146 --> 00:20:11,148
Yeah.
442
00:20:11,190 --> 00:20:12,713
Ow!
443
00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:14,453
My name is RJ Berger,
444
00:20:14,495 --> 00:20:16,497
and sometimes you win
the battle but lose the war.
445
00:20:21,106 --> 00:20:23,543
Next on The Hard Times
of RJ Berger...
446
00:20:23,584 --> 00:20:24,933
RJ, I'd like you
to meet your sitter.
447
00:20:24,976 --> 00:20:25,629
Better get that mustache
waxed, Lily.
448
00:20:25,671 --> 00:20:28,892
We're having us a party.
449
00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:29,978
Damn it, Miles!
450
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,935
I said no party.
451
00:20:31,978 --> 00:20:33,371
Look at that.
452
00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:35,850
Those jocks are practically
circle-jerking on Jenny.
453
00:20:35,892 --> 00:20:36,980
That is my babysitter.
454
00:20:37,023 --> 00:20:38,502
I wish we were alone...
455
00:20:38,545 --> 00:20:40,112
- right now.
- Everybody out!
32068
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