Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:15,386 --> 00:00:16,431
They say ribbed
is for her pleasure,
2
00:00:16,518 --> 00:00:17,867
but we all know
it's too itchy.
3
00:00:21,173 --> 00:00:22,740
Whoa. I swear, dude.
4
00:00:22,827 --> 00:00:25,308
Chicks do not know how to take
compliments these days.
5
00:00:25,395 --> 00:00:26,744
In theory,
you could be
6
00:00:26,831 --> 00:00:28,093
a little bit more subtle
with the eye-banging.
7
00:00:28,180 --> 00:00:29,921
I mean, if it creeps me out,
imagine how she feels.
8
00:00:30,007 --> 00:00:31,879
Why?
9
00:00:31,966 --> 00:00:33,271
I mean, this is the only time
in our lives
10
00:00:33,359 --> 00:00:35,317
that we are allowed
to stare at teenage ass.
11
00:00:35,404 --> 00:00:36,449
When that guy does it,
12
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,103
then it's creepy.
13
00:00:39,190 --> 00:00:40,714
All right, that guy deserves
to be on Dateline.
14
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,628
Oh.
15
00:00:42,715 --> 00:00:44,804
Look at her, dude.
16
00:00:44,891 --> 00:00:48,068
Passing out her precious
invitations to the chosen few.
17
00:00:48,155 --> 00:00:50,200
"And you're cool.
And you.
18
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,289
And, yep, you too.
Congratsies."
19
00:00:52,376 --> 00:00:54,029
I mean, give me a break!
20
00:00:54,116 --> 00:00:54,987
You know, we don't need
that kind of validation
21
00:00:55,074 --> 00:00:56,292
from the A-list.
22
00:00:58,294 --> 00:00:59,644
Hey, RJ.
23
00:00:59,731 --> 00:01:01,515
Hope you can make it.
24
00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:08,521
Give me that.
25
00:01:08,608 --> 00:01:11,002
Sweet 16.
26
00:01:11,089 --> 00:01:13,221
"RJ Berger,
you are cordially invited
27
00:01:13,308 --> 00:01:15,398
to the Pinkerton Tennis Club
this Friday at 5:00 PM."
28
00:01:15,484 --> 00:01:16,572
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
"Jenny Swanson's
29
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,008
sweet 16 birthday party.
30
00:01:18,095 --> 00:01:19,357
Attire.
Gifts welcome," of course.
31
00:01:19,444 --> 00:01:21,446
Blah, blah, blah.
32
00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:23,883
Dude, where the hell
is the plus one?
33
00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:25,668
Hey, this is only good
for one!
34
00:01:25,754 --> 00:01:27,538
Miles...
35
00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:29,192
I just got invited
36
00:01:29,279 --> 00:01:31,542
to Jenny Swanson's
sweet 16.
37
00:01:31,629 --> 00:01:33,326
And it sucks
you have to decline, man.
38
00:01:33,414 --> 00:01:37,026
I mean, you wouldn't go
without your boy.
39
00:01:37,112 --> 00:01:39,680
Would you?
40
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,944
You skinny, double-crossing,
41
00:01:43,031 --> 00:01:45,903
freak penis, matzoh-eating,
four-eyed zit...
42
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:48,515
My name is RJ Berger,
and it's good to be invited.
43
00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:50,864
...Choke your ass out
and drown you in the toilet.
44
00:02:01,351 --> 00:02:03,615
Wow.
45
00:02:03,702 --> 00:02:06,356
I mean, bro,
it's one thing
46
00:02:06,444 --> 00:02:09,403
to have a crush on a girl,
but this is, like,
47
00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:11,666
psycho stalker territory.
48
00:02:11,752 --> 00:02:12,797
You're not thinking
of mailing her
49
00:02:12,884 --> 00:02:14,015
a jar of your own pubes
or anything, are you?
50
00:02:14,102 --> 00:02:15,452
It's her birthday present.
51
00:02:15,539 --> 00:02:17,105
Oh, yes!
52
00:02:17,192 --> 00:02:20,239
Jenny Swanson's
precious sweet 16 party.
53
00:02:20,326 --> 00:02:21,675
- Miles.
- You're lucky that phony fest
54
00:02:21,762 --> 00:02:23,111
isn't the same night
as Raiders,
55
00:02:23,197 --> 00:02:25,243
because if you flaked on that,
so help me, God.
56
00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:26,897
Dude, I would never miss
the chance to see
57
00:02:26,984 --> 00:02:28,681
Raiders of the Lost Ark
on the big screen.
58
00:02:28,768 --> 00:02:30,335
I don't know, dude.
59
00:02:30,422 --> 00:02:31,945
I mean, you are ditching me
for Jenny's party.
60
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:34,426
Miles, look, dude,
you should be happy I'm going.
61
00:02:34,512 --> 00:02:35,557
All right, six months ago,
62
00:02:35,644 --> 00:02:37,559
Jenny had no idea
who we were.
63
00:02:37,646 --> 00:02:38,821
We were, like,
two random dudes.
64
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:41,084
Now she invited one of us,
on purpose.
65
00:02:41,171 --> 00:02:43,608
All right? Next time,
maybe she'll invite both of us.
66
00:02:43,695 --> 00:02:44,957
Yeah, well,
there won't be a next time
67
00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:48,394
if you give her that stupid
sketch for her birthday.
68
00:02:48,482 --> 00:02:50,266
I think she'll like it.
69
00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:52,442
Yeah, if it's wrapped around
a piece of jewelry maybe.
70
00:02:52,529 --> 00:02:54,357
Dude, girls like Jenny
71
00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:56,228
don't spread for
stupid sketches.
72
00:02:56,314 --> 00:02:58,621
They want to see price tags.
73
00:02:58,708 --> 00:02:59,622
You know, you gotta
spend that coin
74
00:02:59,709 --> 00:03:01,015
if you want to
get that loin.
75
00:03:01,102 --> 00:03:02,233
Jenny's not superficial
like that.
76
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,409
Oh, right.
77
00:03:04,497 --> 00:03:06,368
She's with Max Owens because
he's average-looking and poor.
78
00:03:06,455 --> 00:03:09,327
What am I supposed to do?
I don't have any money.
79
00:03:09,413 --> 00:03:11,807
I don't know, dude.
But if I were you
80
00:03:11,894 --> 00:03:13,374
I'd be embarrassed to show up
without a kick-ass gift.
81
00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,028
Later, man.
82
00:03:25,341 --> 00:03:26,473
- Mom.
- RJ, do you have
83
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:27,953
a toenail infection
or something?
84
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,043
Every one of these socks
is a crusty mess.
85
00:03:31,129 --> 00:03:33,305
Mom, I have a small
crisis on my hands.
86
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:35,655
What is it, honey?
87
00:03:35,742 --> 00:03:37,396
I need $300
by the end of the week.
88
00:03:38,963 --> 00:03:40,268
Oh.
89
00:03:40,355 --> 00:03:42,053
Well, first of all,
90
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,227
I know for a fact
you can get that done
91
00:03:43,314 --> 00:03:45,185
for under 100.
92
00:03:45,272 --> 00:03:47,187
But let me ask you,
have you and the young lady
93
00:03:47,274 --> 00:03:48,711
considered dropping it off
at a fire station?
94
00:03:48,798 --> 00:03:49,929
- Mom.
- Selling it to a nice
95
00:03:50,016 --> 00:03:51,061
- gay couple?
- Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.
96
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:54,934
It's for Jenny Swanson's
sweet 16 gift.
97
00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:56,239
Oh!
98
00:03:56,326 --> 00:03:58,720
Oh, thank goodness!
99
00:03:58,807 --> 00:04:01,940
Oh, gee, you scared me
half to death.
100
00:04:02,026 --> 00:04:03,767
This is not the ass
of a grandmother.
101
00:04:05,464 --> 00:04:08,424
One, two, three, and four.
102
00:04:08,510 --> 00:04:11,208
Oh, you know what,
103
00:04:11,295 --> 00:04:13,297
you should go see
Bill and Linda Robbins.
104
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,385
They're always hiring handymen
for odd jobs.
105
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:16,822
Maybe they'll have something
106
00:04:16,909 --> 00:04:17,562
around the house
for you to do.
107
00:04:17,649 --> 00:04:19,172
Really?
108
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:23,131
All right.
I'm gonna go over there now.
109
00:04:23,218 --> 00:04:26,004
Mm! Great.
110
00:04:34,618 --> 00:04:37,447
RJ Berger,
is that you?
111
00:04:37,534 --> 00:04:40,276
Hi, Mrs. Robbins,
Mr. Robbins.
112
00:04:40,362 --> 00:04:41,493
What are you doing here, love?
113
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:42,669
I was just...
you know,
114
00:04:42,756 --> 00:04:44,409
my mom mentioned that you guys
115
00:04:44,495 --> 00:04:45,845
might have some stuff
116
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:47,629
that I could do
around the house,
117
00:04:47,715 --> 00:04:49,848
you know, for money.
118
00:04:49,935 --> 00:04:53,025
RJ, I didn't know
you were handy.
119
00:04:53,111 --> 00:04:54,895
I'm trying to make
a little extra money
120
00:04:54,981 --> 00:04:56,940
by the end of the week
for... whatever.
121
00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:58,811
Well, hell, anything
that saves me a trip
122
00:04:58,897 --> 00:05:01,683
to the Home Depot
parking lot, right?
123
00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:02,814
Well, I'll tell you
what, RJ,
124
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:04,772
we're expecting a guest
any minute,
125
00:05:04,859 --> 00:05:07,252
so why don't you just
come by after school tomorrow?
126
00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:09,036
We'll find something
for you to do.
127
00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:13,169
Really?
128
00:05:13,255 --> 00:05:15,606
Oh, thank you guys
so much.
129
00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:18,042
I-I'll definitely do that.
130
00:05:18,129 --> 00:05:20,435
All right.
Um, see you tomorrow.
131
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,654
- Nice kid.
- A sweetheart.
132
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,134
- Oh, you're a sweetheart.
- Stop it!
133
00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:28,005
Oh, hello.
134
00:05:28,091 --> 00:05:29,745
You must be Charlene.
135
00:05:29,831 --> 00:05:31,920
Mm.
136
00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:33,966
She looked better
in her profile.
137
00:05:36,749 --> 00:05:38,229
Dr. Jones,
again we see
138
00:05:38,315 --> 00:05:39,446
there's nothing
you could possess
139
00:05:39,533 --> 00:05:40,796
which I could not take away.
140
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,623
- Dude!
- Oh, rad, right?
141
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,146
So rad.
142
00:05:44,232 --> 00:05:45,712
But I thought you were gonna
be the Gestapo guy.
143
00:05:45,798 --> 00:05:48,583
Turns out swastika armbands
are very hard to find.
144
00:05:48,669 --> 00:05:49,844
Huh.
145
00:05:56,152 --> 00:05:57,762
You ain't starting a boy band
or something, are you?
146
00:05:57,848 --> 00:06:00,372
No, I'm Belloq.
147
00:06:00,458 --> 00:06:02,547
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
148
00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:07,029
Indiana, we are passing
through history.
149
00:06:07,114 --> 00:06:10,814
This is history.
150
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:14,728
I'm gonna calmly walk away
right now
151
00:06:14,814 --> 00:06:15,989
before I punch you
in the face.
152
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,689
Maybe I should go
as the Nazi.
153
00:06:23,775 --> 00:06:26,691
Don't listen to him, dude.
Your costume is awesome.
154
00:06:26,776 --> 00:06:28,212
And tonight's gonna be awesome.
155
00:06:28,299 --> 00:06:30,084
Raiders, bro!
156
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:31,867
Remastered and projected
on the big screen
157
00:06:31,953 --> 00:06:33,302
just the way God intended it.
158
00:06:33,388 --> 00:06:34,651
I know.
Pee dribbles out
159
00:06:34,737 --> 00:06:35,781
every time I think about it.
160
00:06:35,868 --> 00:06:37,870
Yeah. Oh, don't be
late, dude.
161
00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:39,262
We have to get seats
before those Temple of Doom
162
00:06:39,348 --> 00:06:40,262
assholes show up.
163
00:06:43,263 --> 00:06:44,612
♪ You can't see it coming ♪
164
00:06:44,698 --> 00:06:47,309
♪ Until it's too late ♪
165
00:06:47,394 --> 00:06:51,616
♪ You're shot down
by the hand of fate ♪
166
00:06:51,701 --> 00:06:53,790
♪ You don't see
the difference ♪
167
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:55,703
♪ With or without ♪
168
00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:57,269
♪ And when you do ♪
169
00:06:57,355 --> 00:07:00,445
♪ It's always too late ♪
170
00:07:00,530 --> 00:07:01,705
♪ Ooh ♪
171
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:05,709
♪ It's all sunshine ♪
172
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:09,188
♪ Or it's all rain ♪
173
00:07:09,273 --> 00:07:14,104
♪ Ooh, it's all sunshine ♪
174
00:07:14,188 --> 00:07:16,233
♪ Or it's all rain ♪
175
00:07:17,624 --> 00:07:19,017
Thank you so much.
176
00:07:19,103 --> 00:07:20,931
You did a good job, RJ.
177
00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:23,453
Here's today's take.
178
00:07:23,539 --> 00:07:26,673
So let's do it again tomorrow.
What time do you get off school?
179
00:07:26,758 --> 00:07:30,239
Um, tit o'clo...
two o'clock.
180
00:07:30,323 --> 00:07:31,890
Great, I'll pick you up at 2:00,
181
00:07:31,976 --> 00:07:33,412
and you can help me
run some errands.
182
00:07:33,498 --> 00:07:34,804
Now you go get some rest.
183
00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:11,552
Oh, come on.
184
00:08:14,552 --> 00:08:16,162
I've been your best friend
since dial-up.
185
00:08:16,247 --> 00:08:17,858
You don't put me
to voice mail, dickwad.
186
00:08:17,944 --> 00:08:19,075
Dude, I'm so sorry.
187
00:08:19,161 --> 00:08:20,641
I passed out
when I got home.
188
00:08:20,727 --> 00:08:22,642
- I've... I'm so exhau...
- Raiders, RJ.
189
00:08:22,727 --> 00:08:24,207
Dude, I'm sorry, okay?
190
00:08:24,293 --> 00:08:26,687
We'll watch it this weekend
on DVD or something.
191
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:29,383
DVD? No, you take
your standard def
192
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,774
and shove it up your ass.
And you know what else?
193
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:33,556
It doesn't matter
how expensive your gift is.
194
00:08:33,642 --> 00:08:35,644
'Cause it's for a girl you're
never gonna get.
195
00:08:35,729 --> 00:08:38,210
- What the hell, dude?
- I'm your best friend, RJ!
196
00:08:38,295 --> 00:08:40,210
Me! Not some fantasy girl
197
00:08:40,295 --> 00:08:42,123
who pretends to like you
'cause you help her dumb ass
198
00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:44,079
- get better grades.
- Dude, seriously!
199
00:08:44,165 --> 00:08:45,950
If you want to talk
about her like that
200
00:08:46,035 --> 00:08:47,906
maybe I don't want to be
your best friend.
201
00:08:47,991 --> 00:08:49,036
That's funny,
'cause I was thinking
202
00:08:49,122 --> 00:08:50,253
you don't deserve
a best friend like me.
203
00:08:50,339 --> 00:08:52,341
Dude!
204
00:08:54,339 --> 00:08:56,124
It's over, RJ.
205
00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:02,733
All right, yes,
I was wrong
206
00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:03,951
in flaking on Raiders,
207
00:09:04,036 --> 00:09:06,560
but he's being
an asshole, Lily.
208
00:09:06,645 --> 00:09:07,907
I mean, he's the one
that told me
209
00:09:07,993 --> 00:09:09,908
I needed
an expensive gift for Jenny.
210
00:09:09,993 --> 00:09:12,082
He's the reason
why I got the job
211
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:14,343
and am busting my ass
trimming hedges
212
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,734
and mowing lawns
in the first place.
213
00:09:15,819 --> 00:09:17,386
Why didn't you tell me?
214
00:09:17,472 --> 00:09:19,256
I would have paid you
to trim my hedges.
215
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:20,821
He'd need a riding mower.
216
00:09:20,906 --> 00:09:22,603
Dude, come on, already.
217
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:23,734
I'm not here to talk, RJ.
218
00:09:23,819 --> 00:09:25,560
I'm here to give you this.
219
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:38,823
You're giving me back your half
of our bros amulet?
220
00:09:38,906 --> 00:09:40,691
I won't be needing it anymore.
221
00:09:48,298 --> 00:09:49,952
Did he just throw away food?
222
00:09:52,427 --> 00:09:54,125
It's way more serious
than I thought.
223
00:10:05,297 --> 00:10:07,386
Oh, I never thought
about that angle before.
224
00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,820
Oh, hey, RJ.
225
00:10:09,905 --> 00:10:11,254
Working after school again?
226
00:10:11,339 --> 00:10:13,602
That's cool.
227
00:10:13,687 --> 00:10:16,907
Yeah, me and kev are gonna kick
it at his place, you know,
228
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,820
watch some DVDs and play some
first-person shooters, you know.
229
00:10:19,904 --> 00:10:21,993
We're gonna snipe
some online Nazi ass.
230
00:10:22,077 --> 00:10:23,688
Yeah, we are!
231
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:25,992
Whoo!
232
00:10:26,077 --> 00:10:27,862
Boom!
Headshot.
233
00:10:27,947 --> 00:10:29,862
You got pwned, biatch.
234
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,383
Friends of yours?
235
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,816
Not anymore.
236
00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:46,686
- I feel ridiculous.
- Oh, relax.
237
00:10:46,770 --> 00:10:48,554
You look handsome.
238
00:10:48,639 --> 00:10:51,250
How funny is it that you
and Bill are the same size?
239
00:10:53,725 --> 00:10:55,858
Well, except for...
240
00:10:55,942 --> 00:10:58,684
I heard about
your not-so-little secret, RJ,
241
00:10:58,768 --> 00:11:00,378
and it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
242
00:11:00,463 --> 00:11:01,812
On the contrary.
243
00:11:04,462 --> 00:11:06,029
Mrs. Robbins, um,
244
00:11:06,114 --> 00:11:07,463
shouldn't I be working?
245
00:11:07,549 --> 00:11:09,029
Linda. Linda.
246
00:11:09,114 --> 00:11:10,681
And you are working.
247
00:11:10,766 --> 00:11:11,810
I'm having a martini,
248
00:11:11,895 --> 00:11:13,549
and you're driving me home.
249
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:15,331
I don't have a license yet.
250
00:11:15,416 --> 00:11:17,505
It's okay to break
a few little laws
251
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,417
every now and again.
252
00:11:19,502 --> 00:11:20,634
RJ?
253
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:21,765
Oh, please, God, not now.
254
00:11:27,197 --> 00:11:28,938
Hey.
255
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:29,631
I didn't know
you played tennis.
256
00:11:29,718 --> 00:11:31,633
Yeah. You know,
257
00:11:31,717 --> 00:11:33,458
I mean,
I don't really.
258
00:11:33,543 --> 00:11:34,587
Well, we may knock
a few balls around
259
00:11:34,673 --> 00:11:36,805
a little later.
260
00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:40,764
Uh, this is my boss,
Mrs. Robbins.
261
00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:42,412
Hi, I'm Jenny.
262
00:11:42,497 --> 00:11:46,414
And I am jealous of your perky
little boobies, Jenny.
263
00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:49,325
Thanks. Um, I'll talk
to you later, RJ.
264
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,323
Nice to meet you.
265
00:11:51,408 --> 00:11:52,888
- Bye, Jenny.
- Bye.
266
00:11:55,755 --> 00:11:57,626
Bet you'd do anything
to tear that up, huh?
267
00:11:57,711 --> 00:12:00,714
Yeah. Like, mow your lawn.
268
00:12:00,797 --> 00:12:02,103
Wait, she's why
you need the money?
269
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:03,450
I'm trying to get her
something special
270
00:12:03,535 --> 00:12:04,710
for her sweet 16.
271
00:12:04,796 --> 00:12:06,276
Oh.
272
00:12:06,361 --> 00:12:07,710
Well, how special?
273
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,360
Oh, RJ.
274
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:17,664
Honey, this is so sweet,
275
00:12:17,749 --> 00:12:19,968
but that's not the kind of mess
276
00:12:20,052 --> 00:12:21,924
you want to make
on that girl's chest.
277
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,487
Here.
278
00:12:23,572 --> 00:12:24,878
Why don't you give her this?
279
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:31,836
I could never afford that.
280
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,051
I'd be mowing your lawn
until I'm 30.
281
00:12:34,135 --> 00:12:35,397
We'll think of some way
for you to work it off.
282
00:12:38,177 --> 00:12:39,613
So you guys get together
283
00:12:39,698 --> 00:12:41,265
and pretend
to be countries?
284
00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:43,047
Yeah, it's called
the model UN,
285
00:12:43,132 --> 00:12:45,004
- and it's freaking awesome.
- Yeah.
286
00:12:45,088 --> 00:12:47,090
So, wait, it took me,
like, forever
287
00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:49,656
to get Mr. Walcott to recognize
North Korea, right?
288
00:12:49,739 --> 00:12:51,436
But now...
289
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,045
Ah, damn!
290
00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:55,739
I left my reactor plans
in the bathroom.
291
00:12:55,824 --> 00:12:57,477
BRB, BFF.
292
00:12:57,562 --> 00:13:00,087
Uh. LOL.
293
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:03,477
So you and Kevin Stern
are BFFs now?
294
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,432
Look, we're not really putting
a label on it, Lily.
295
00:13:05,516 --> 00:13:07,474
He's a great guy.
296
00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,127
You know, he's funny,
and he's...
297
00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:12,299
- he's a great guy.
- Look, I'm sure
298
00:13:12,383 --> 00:13:14,385
it feels great to be
the skinny friend for a change,
299
00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:17,037
but you and RJ
are being assholes.
300
00:13:17,121 --> 00:13:18,383
Isn't your owner
gonna get a ticket
301
00:13:18,468 --> 00:13:19,556
for letting you off leash?
302
00:13:19,643 --> 00:13:21,122
Face it, fat ass.
You need him
303
00:13:21,207 --> 00:13:23,514
just as much as
he needs you.
304
00:13:23,597 --> 00:13:24,772
Let it go, already.
305
00:13:24,858 --> 00:13:26,338
I am letting it go, Lily.
306
00:13:26,423 --> 00:13:28,468
Me and RJ are done.
307
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:32,597
Idiot.
308
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,161
Oh, you're a lifesaver, honey.
309
00:13:39,245 --> 00:13:41,334
I'm still not quite sure
how all your cookware
310
00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:43,986
ended up at the bottom
of the pool, but you're welcome.
311
00:13:44,069 --> 00:13:46,419
Let's get you inside
and warm you up.
312
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,243
Miss... Linda.
313
00:13:55,326 --> 00:13:57,894
Uh, where are my...
where are my clothes?
314
00:13:57,978 --> 00:14:00,110
I gotta get that ride over
to Jenny's party.
315
00:14:00,194 --> 00:14:02,240
I put them in
the dryer to warm them up.
316
00:14:03,758 --> 00:14:05,325
Besides,
317
00:14:05,410 --> 00:14:08,108
you can't go anywhere
without her gift.
318
00:14:14,841 --> 00:14:16,974
Miss... miss... whoa.
319
00:14:17,058 --> 00:14:18,320
You are wearing
a bathrobe.
320
00:14:18,405 --> 00:14:20,625
Not for long.
321
00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:22,536
Okay, um, actually,
I need a minute.
322
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:23,971
Just give me a... bathroom.
323
00:14:33,966 --> 00:14:35,837
I think the whole point
is to move around.
324
00:14:35,921 --> 00:14:38,750
I'm moving my thumbs.
325
00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:48,225
Oh, Kevin,
326
00:14:48,309 --> 00:14:49,876
you're so funny.
327
00:14:49,961 --> 00:14:50,875
I think you have
the wrong number.
328
00:14:50,961 --> 00:14:52,876
Miles, I'm alone and naked
and scared.
329
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,918
- Good.
- No, no, Mrs. Robbins
330
00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:56,396
just got all weird
on me, dude.
331
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:57,525
I need your help.
332
00:14:57,611 --> 00:14:59,090
Oh, now you need
my help.
333
00:14:59,175 --> 00:15:00,699
Okay, look,
I know we both said
334
00:15:00,784 --> 00:15:02,350
a lot of things we didn't mean
the other day,
335
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,089
- but I need you.
- You'll have to speak up.
336
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:06,307
I'm with Kev,
and it's hard to hear you
337
00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:07,566
over all of our inside jokes.
338
00:15:07,651 --> 00:15:08,913
Miles, please, man.
339
00:15:08,999 --> 00:15:10,566
I know we're not
on the best of terms right now,
340
00:15:10,651 --> 00:15:12,435
but really I need you.
341
00:15:12,519 --> 00:15:14,260
Really?
342
00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:15,129
Really.
343
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,564
Well, good!
344
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:17,998
Now you know how it feels
345
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,171
to be blown off by a friend.
346
00:15:19,257 --> 00:15:20,911
Miles.
347
00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,170
Miles!
348
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,995
- Miss Robbins.
- Linda.
349
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,778
I was just thinking that,
you know,
350
00:15:31,863 --> 00:15:35,301
perhaps Jenny would really like
that thumbs-up pendant, so...
351
00:15:35,383 --> 00:15:37,733
RJ, after I'm done
teaching you,
352
00:15:37,817 --> 00:15:39,297
you're gonna be able
to give her something
353
00:15:39,383 --> 00:15:41,298
much, much better.
354
00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:44,340
Come here.
355
00:15:44,424 --> 00:15:46,339
I can sense you're
a little apprehensive.
356
00:15:48,685 --> 00:15:50,643
Trust me
when I tell you
357
00:15:50,728 --> 00:15:51,990
that there's no better way
to learn
358
00:15:52,075 --> 00:15:54,948
than from an older lover.
359
00:15:55,032 --> 00:15:58,557
May I tell you
about my first time?
360
00:15:58,639 --> 00:16:01,250
I was 18.
361
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:06,987
Jorge was 58.
362
00:16:07,072 --> 00:16:09,335
He didn't speak
a word of English.
363
00:16:09,419 --> 00:16:12,727
And I didn't speak a word
of whatever he was.
364
00:16:14,636 --> 00:16:16,638
Mm-hmm. Si, drink.
365
00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:23,333
Ah.
366
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:27,465
But I was a student of love.
367
00:16:27,548 --> 00:16:30,856
And he was the most brilliant
teacher I've ever known.
368
00:16:30,939 --> 00:16:33,071
Even if it wasn't exactly
369
00:16:33,155 --> 00:16:35,070
the type of bed
I'd dreamt of losing
370
00:16:35,155 --> 00:16:36,504
my virginity in.
371
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:47,896
May I keep your
shirt, Jorge?
372
00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:50,809
Si. Shirt.
373
00:16:50,893 --> 00:16:52,678
It smells like you.
374
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:55,243
And I love the way
you smell.
375
00:16:55,327 --> 00:16:56,981
Si. Manure.
376
00:17:01,545 --> 00:17:03,242
In the house,
you whore.
377
00:17:03,327 --> 00:17:04,546
When Daddy found out
what was happening
378
00:17:04,631 --> 00:17:06,938
he fired Jorge.
379
00:17:07,023 --> 00:17:08,285
We never saw each other again.
380
00:17:13,675 --> 00:17:16,025
To this day,
I cannot hear a leaf blower
381
00:17:16,110 --> 00:17:18,025
without thinking
of all those afternoons
382
00:17:18,110 --> 00:17:21,722
under his greasy,
sweaty manliness.
383
00:17:23,762 --> 00:17:27,853
RJ, I want to be
your Jorge.
384
00:17:27,936 --> 00:17:29,720
I-I...
385
00:17:29,805 --> 00:17:31,502
Uh...
386
00:17:31,588 --> 00:17:32,980
uh...
387
00:17:33,066 --> 00:17:38,768
What the hell
is going on here?
388
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,503
- Mr. Robbins, I can explain...
- Don't you dare
389
00:17:40,589 --> 00:17:42,329
open your mouth...
390
00:17:47,719 --> 00:17:49,721
And ruin a perfect moment.
391
00:17:53,025 --> 00:17:55,114
That's my guy.
392
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,375
Stop, RJ!
Oh, RJ, no!
393
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:02,027
Wait! Trim my hedge!
394
00:18:05,548 --> 00:18:07,681
Dude, get in!
Get in!
395
00:18:11,462 --> 00:18:13,464
what are you doing, man?
396
00:18:18,594 --> 00:18:20,465
Miles, I don't know how
I'll ever repay you.
397
00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:22,552
Well, you can start
by identifying my body
398
00:18:22,638 --> 00:18:24,379
after my brother finds out
I stole his van.
399
00:18:24,464 --> 00:18:26,379
Facactatie.
400
00:18:26,465 --> 00:18:28,989
Ah, I got ya.
401
00:18:32,597 --> 00:18:34,468
I'm sorry I flaked
on Raiders.
402
00:18:37,554 --> 00:18:39,208
I'm sorry I called you
403
00:18:39,294 --> 00:18:41,122
skinny, double-crossing,
freak penis,
404
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,165
matzoh-eating, four-eyed,
zit-riddled...
405
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:44,558
Okay.
406
00:18:44,643 --> 00:18:48,299
So you and...
you and Kevin.
407
00:18:48,384 --> 00:18:49,864
Uh...
408
00:18:49,949 --> 00:18:52,081
let's never mention that name
ever again.
409
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,648
All right.
There you go.
410
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:56,561
All set for Jenny Swanson's
411
00:18:56,647 --> 00:18:58,388
stuck-up sweet 16...
412
00:18:58,474 --> 00:19:01,303
which I desperately wish
I was invited to.
413
00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:05,782
What?
414
00:19:05,868 --> 00:19:07,434
Linda, she...
415
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,870
she never gave me
the necklace.
416
00:19:08,956 --> 00:19:10,131
I don't have a gift
for Jenny.
417
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,658
You pulled it
out of the trash?
418
00:19:23,744 --> 00:19:25,093
Pissed off or not,
419
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:26,660
I like the way
you draw her boobs.
420
00:19:29,747 --> 00:19:31,531
I mean, come on,
let's face it, dude.
421
00:19:35,315 --> 00:19:38,405
We complete each other in
a totally non-gay way.
422
00:19:47,626 --> 00:19:49,410
♪ We are alive ♪
423
00:19:49,496 --> 00:19:51,150
♪ Tonight ♪
424
00:19:56,152 --> 00:19:58,589
Hi.
425
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,070
RJ.
426
00:20:02,156 --> 00:20:03,418
I'm so glad you made it.
427
00:20:03,504 --> 00:20:06,550
I-I made you this.
428
00:20:06,637 --> 00:20:07,681
Oh, my God.
429
00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:11,902
Did you draw this?
430
00:20:15,251 --> 00:20:16,687
I love it.
431
00:20:19,254 --> 00:20:21,082
My name is RJ Berger,
432
00:20:21,168 --> 00:20:22,735
and it's good to have friends.
433
00:20:27,389 --> 00:20:29,870
Next on The Hard Times
of RJ Berger...
434
00:20:29,957 --> 00:20:31,393
I am through. I am not
your girlfriend anymore.
435
00:20:31,479 --> 00:20:32,611
I think your dream girl
just updated
436
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,613
her Facebook status to single.
437
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:36,527
Whoever's with that girl
on Friday night is gonna...
438
00:20:36,614 --> 00:20:38,485
Bone her 100%.
439
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,748
I was wondering if you have time
for an extra study buddy session
440
00:20:40,835 --> 00:20:41,879
- this week.
- You are going
441
00:20:41,965 --> 00:20:43,880
to study her brains out.
442
00:20:43,967 --> 00:20:45,360
Had you pegged as
a benchwarmer, Berger,
443
00:20:45,446 --> 00:20:47,056
and you just went and snatched
yourself a rebound.
444
00:20:47,143 --> 00:20:50,146
Tripod, I didn't cheat
on Jenny.
445
00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:51,494
I can't believe
I trusted him.
446
00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:53,321
I'm done with guys
like that.
30855
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof