Original subtitles

-Sarppa! -Yeah?

-Can you smile in a way... -Yeah?

In a way that'll make your eye wrinkles go away?

Yeah.

That's not any better.

Wait.

Just keep doing what you were doing.

-Despite the wrinkles? -Yeah.

Yes. Henkka, what's your situation?

This isn't...This isn't working.

-Sorry, Sarppa. -No worries.

No worries. Let's go to Plan B, buttermilk.

Yes, okay.

Take your starting positions. This is the last shot of the day.

Great work. This is going to be good.

-Sari, ready. -Yeah.

Here we go.

Let's get this in one take. Stick your tongue out.

Action!

(I Know Who You Did Last Summer)

Whew. My jaw's all locked.

Henkka didn't finish, did he?

-No. Performance anxiety. -Amateur.

I have a bit of bad news.

-Just when I needed good news. -Don't we all.

Sari.

You're fired.

-What? -How should I put it...

-Just say it. -Your face is too old. Pussy too.

-My best MILFs are between 25 and 30. -Girls that young aren't mothers.

There are some people who like GMILFs,

'grandmother I would like to...'

But you're not there yet.

-You have to have something for me. -I only have this.

Of course, if you had some new skill...

-Like what? -Squirting.

-Are you serious? -You can learn it.

Multi-talents are valued in our industry.

Hi.

F**ck, f**k, f**k! Hi.

(Past Due)

(Today I'll teach you how to squirt, also known as female ejaculation).

(Before we start, remember to drink some water.)

(Squirting is pretty difficult at first.)

(Older women, especially, might have problems)

(because as you age, your vagina doesn't get that wet anymore.)

(Right?)

(Let's start. You drank some water, didn't you?)

(Turn on the vibrator. Let's start.)

-Mum! -S**t...

Yeah?

Hi, honey. How come you're home so early?

How was school?

Did you know that the heart of a blue whale is the size of a car?

No, I didn't.

Don't spend all night doing homework. You have to rest.

-Take your shoes off. -Is that what life is all about?

Do you want noodles or noodles?

(Final Notice)

It's nice you could come on such short notice.

As you know, we have several job opportunities.

-I'm interested in any job. -Great. That's nice to hear.

Let's get to know you, Sari.

By the way, you look terribly familiar.

I get that a lot.

-Do you shop here at our supermarket? -No, I don't.

Well, then I know you from somewhere else.

So, what kind of education do you have?

Middle school.

Cosmetology school, I almost graduated.

-You've worked as a cosmetologist? -No.

I've mainly focused on my own face.

Yes. What kind of work experience do you have?

For the past 20 years, I've been a porn actress.

-Excuse me? -Adult entertainment.

-It's surprisingly hard work. -Excuse me?

F**king.

For hours, again and again. Long days and a lot of physical work.

You know, if you have a wife, or a husband.

For gays, f**king is really physical.

I once saw 2 guys on set, wrestling each other.

I believe I'd be good at stocking shelves.

We'll call you.

-Nice. When? -On the phone.

-Yes, but when? -When you hear the phone ring.

Okay. Yes.

(Register 4 now open.)

All right. Solakallio, Linnea.

You bet. Ready for anything.

Next is a speaking assignment.

Tell us what kind of director you are

and why you belong in the film directing programme.

Hi, I'm Linnea Solakallio, which you actually know already.

I want to study film directing

because I have things to say about the world.

My heroes include Agnes Varda and Jane Campion.

I should also mention David Lynch

because his surreal style has made an impression on me.

Of Finnish directors, well, frankly...

What I'm trying to explain to you is...

You should've seen their faces when I was done. Boom!

Everyone was blown away. I was too. Boom!

Boom.

-Is today Wednesday? -Yes.

-What? -Well.

You can say it.

I'm just finding it hard to get in the mood.

Tits. Would they help?

This was the fourth time I applied for film school.

If they don't take me now...

-They have to take me. Right? -Absolutely.

Film directing. The last outpost of patriarchy.

Goddammit!

I'd like to yank the balls off of all their male professors.

-What? -It's not working.

-Even though it's Wednesday? -Yeah.

Well, it's okay. I'm a bit tired anyway.

And no need to be ashamed. It happens to all men.

Boom.

F**k!

Yes!

Thank you, Mother! Thank you, Jesus!

The blood of Chekhov and Shakespeare runs through my veins!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I can feel it! I can feel it all over my body!

I'm an artist! I'm a true artist!

Whose d**k do I have to suck to get into this school?

Well...

There's Jaakko, of course.

My d**k has no say in admissions.

Well, why are you sitting here and not making films?

When I graduated film school, there were only films of great men.

It wasn't my genre.

I did manage to make one feature film.

I haven't seen it. Did you give up?

You see, I won't give up. Ever.

But now you have to leave.

F**k!

Don't leave crumbs on the floor.

I understand that I'm unf**kable,

but you have to have something else for me.

-Like what? -Something else.

Anything. Producing!

-Hi, Sari. -Henkka, hi.

Okay, get back to work.

-What do you want? -I have years of experience.

-In a way. -You have to give me a chance.

Okay. Well...

Tomorrow. You'll come to a meeting with the distributors.

We'll negotiate on a distribution plan.

-Okay. -Now I have to continue, so...

-Let's hug. -No.

Thank you, Raita. I mean it.

-Henkka. -Yes?

-Come back. -Yes.

(Business World)

Mum.

Did you know that fighting fish are so aggressive

that they usually kill all other fish in the aquarium?

No, I did not.

-What are you reading? -This business book.

Are you going into business?

Yes, I am.

I'm going to become a business fighting fish.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

-Hello. Nice to meet you. -Please sit.

-Who is this? -Me, Sari.

Do I know her from somewhere?

Me, porn...

What's 'to produce' in English?

She's done many films with us.

But now, she's become a bit of an oldie,

so I'm trying to give her a shot.

Money shot?

It's a tough business, honey.

Few years back, I would've f**ked you.

-I would've even paid to f**k you... -Come on, man.

But there comes a time when not even the best nip and tuck does the trick.

Sari, please pour us coffee.

Oh...sorry. Sorry. F**k me.

-You want? -I'm good, Sari. Thank you.

-This is terrible. I'm sorry. -Please leave and let us negotiate.

Raita, we've known each other for 20 years.

It's not my problem if you have no language skills.

So...

-Are these blueberries or bilberries? -Bilberries.

Lucas, you look tired.

I've been up all night thinking about my thesis film.

Tarkovsky said it best.

'All art, of course, is intellectual,'

'but for me, cinema must above all be emotional and act upon the heart.'

It's a tough industry, the film industry.

True.

-What are you trying to say? -People keep asking me.

Asking what?

About you applying for film school for the 5th time.

I didn't know you applied again.

I did.

You have to realise it's not for everybody.

Lucas, come on.

Linnea can apply for it.

Yeah, right. But I'm sure enough is enough.

-F**k. -Linnea.

Lucas is an artist and has a temper. Don't mind him.

We just have to understand him.

You've always been more agreeable.

There are other jobs in the industry.

Catering, costumes.

Makeup. You would make a perfect makeup artist.

You'd be fantastic.

You'll find your place. A perky girl like you will.

I love you.

We'll wait for you.

I think everyone's here, so let's get started.

I want to wish you a warm welcome

to the CV course of the employment agency

where you will learn to write a CV.

Here, everyone gets a chance.

-I'm sorry I'm late. -No problem. Welcome.

Why don't we start by getting to know each other?

Let's form a row based on your age.

Up you get. Up you get.

Up you get.

What a nice row. You're an amazing bunch.

Let's start with you.

Tell us about yourself and your skills.

I'm Linnea, 22.

I've directed commercials and music videos.

I'm interested in film and intersectional feminism.

I speak English, Swedish, a little German, French, Italian.

I know 'information technology' pretty well.

-Great. -Excel, for example.

Amazing.

-And then you. -Yes.

Hi, everyone. I'm Sari, 42.

I'm an adult entertainment actress.

I don't speak languages or know Excel,

but I'm a hardworking girl.

Great. Amazing.

Then to the other end of the row.

Asko, 30.

I've been an entrepreneur for the past 5 years...

What the hell are you doing?

-He squeezed my a**! -Hey, that's sexual harassment!

I did not! Mrs Porn Star seems to thinks she's all that.

Stop bulls**tting.

-You'll kick him out, right? -Yes!

We're not throwing anybody out, are we?

-Let's behave, both of you. -'Both of you'?

Maybe he got the wrong impression because of your profession.

-My profession? -You...

You...

-You being a porn actress. -I didn't hear you.

-Whores can't hear. -Hey!

Listen, you all.

You might've seen a couple of my films,

but it doesn't mean you can squeeze my a**.

And you, 'inter-erectional' feminist, I don't need your pity or help.

I chose my profession.

'Here, everyone gets a chance.' You might want to update your slogan.

If you leave now, you won't get unemployment benefits.

I'll apply for a start-up grant and start a company.

In my company, everyone has human dignity.

Good-f**king-bye.

No unemployment benefits!

Hey! Wait!

-I want to help you. -What do you mean?

-I don't need your help. -I want to work for you.

-What? -I'll intern. I'll do anything.

-Why? -You're somehow so inspiring.

For once, someone does something and doesn't just talk.

Oh. I'm happy to hear that.

Thank you.

-What does it do? -What?

Your company.

-Porn. -I don't...

Nice porn.

Feminist porn, for women.

You said you're a director.

-Yeah. -Right.

Listen. You're hired.

Call me in the morning.

We'll start tomorrow.

Ciao!

Oh, s**t.

Okay.