Original subtitles

Do you have any...

Queens? How was Your vacation?Go fish. Fantastic. I learned how to Say, "How much for A happy ending?"

In four different Languages.

Welcome Home, clark.

Oh, goody, You’re here.

Time out.

It’s vacation Present time.

Oooh! Ooh. Yeah.

Well, sam, I know you Love, uh, seashells

And I know you Love crabs...

Love crabs? I have crabs.

Ah. So,

I got you a crab Made out of seashells.

Ohhhh!

It’s got Googly eyes.

Yeah...

Robin, for you,

Something a little More practical.

Oh. You guessed it,

A beach towel!

Oh.

It says "Hotel Property" on it. Mm-hmm.

And it’s Full of sand. Yep.

Great. Thanks a lot.

That’s not Very grateful.

Should’ve got you The one that read "What a beach".

Back on the Home front,

I see you Made sure

Your quest for world Domination continued

While you were On vacation. What?

Hey, this guy Looks just like me.

Apparently You’re running For city council.

Ward 12? Tsk, ooh.

You’re up against Robert bluebird.

Good luck.

You follow Local politics?

Tshh, yeah.

Man, you need A girlfriend.

Bluebird? Robert bluebird.

Why do I know That name?

Oh, shit. It’s a friend Of my father.

Ah. Ow!

Here. Fine.

Any 4s?

Go fish. Arrgh!

Ah, I fished My wish.

Mmm, congratulations.

Thank you. Here, have a Beach towel.

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ he’s got the world In his hand ♪

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ the work is never done

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh

♪ way-oh, way-oh-ho

Huh!

♪ I am the working man

♪ through the night Till the morning sun ♪

♪ I am the working man

♪ the work is never done

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! ♪ way-oh-way

♪ pray for The working man ♪

♪ always there With a helping hand ♪

♪ pray for The working man ♪

♪ the work is never done

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ another day Has just begun ♪

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ it’s never friggin’ done

Why am I 11 And dressed as A thundercat?

Oh, it’s the only Picture I had Of you smiling.

Besides the one Of you in tijuana,

Except you have cocaine All over your face.

I told you, that Was powdered sugar

From the fried Ice cream.

Look, son, I really Need this ward.

Okay? And this time

My shill has a real Shot at losing,

So I’m rigging A three-man race

Where you can Split the vote.

Mm-hmm. And you didn’t Think to just ask me?

I couldn’t get you On the phone.

I was on vacation The last two weeks.

I took your jet. I stayed at Your resort.

Really? That was You at the pool?

Okay, you know What, dad?

I’m going to have To humbly ask you

To go fuck yourself On this one.

Whatever you need, son.

Actually...

I’m going to stay In this election.

Yeah. And I’m Going to win it.

Don’t make me laugh.

I just did.

See you at The polls.

Hey, mr. Claxton.

Oh. Hey... Silvio.

It’s sam.

You sure?

Yeah.

Hey, silvio, hit "Lobby" for me There, will you?

No.

So where are You going?

I am going To the lobby.

For breakfast.

Well, second Breakfast.

Goddamn, you Are a hobbit.

Come on, Hit "Lobby",

I’ll buy you Some sausages.

I’m not pushing The lobby button.

Out of principle, No matter what kind of Sausages you offer me.

Hit the lobby Button, son.

This is not A request.

You guys were talking About me, weren’t you?

Hmm?

Not going to say Anything, huh?

Cocksuckers.

You’ve dated what, Three cabinet Ministers,

Two senators... Oh, why don’t you Just cut to the chase

And call me A whore? Yes, and you’re just The whore I need

To get me to the Promised land! Come on!

I need you as my Campaign manager.

This is our chance

To right the wrongs Of this cruel world.

Okay, you’re only Doing this to Spite your dad.

True, but, If we actually Win this thing,

Ward 12 will Be ours.Think of the power. We can do anything! We could... We Could ban babies From public places

So no one will have To endure the sight Of breast-feeding.

Yes! Babies Are so stupid.

"Get a job, baby!" That’s what I say.

I love it. Jobs for babies.

Yeah, no more, Uh, free rides for Those bastards.

Those toothless Tit-suckers.

Yeah. You know, You’re right, clark.

I’m going to be The puppet master

And you’re going To be my puppet. Yeah.

With my hand Up your ass. Deal.

But let’s start With a finger.

We’re going Up again.

Just press The button.

You press The button.

Are you trying to fuck With me, salvadore?

Trying? I believe I a fucking with you.

Hey, could you Push the lobby Button for me?

Well, uh, you Can’t do that,

That would be Just like pressing It yourself.

Wait! Wait! Wait! Don’t.

That would be Nothing like me Pressing it myself.

That would be Exactly like Pressing it yourself

Because she’s an Extension of you.

No, she’s not!

Sure she is, She’s your minion.

Oh!

All right, I have Another idea. Mm-hmm.

Why don’t we both Press the button At the same time?

This way we Both win. Huh?

Great idea, Teamwork and All of that. Yeah. Teamwork.

Count of three. Here we go.

One...

Two... Three!

You pressed "Door close"!

You pressed Nothing!

Hi. Vote claxton.

So bluebird’s A conservative

And your dad Wants you to split The left vote.

Duh. But my research shows

You can fuck up Your father’s plan

And actually win

If you speak to the Far left constituency.

What do I say to Those scumbags?They’re not Even human. All we have to Do is put out A press release

Saying you’re A vegan. Uh-huh.

And an Environmentalist. Yep.

And a communist. Yeah, why not?

I look good In a moustache.

And that you’re gay.

Ah-h, I don’t Look that good In a moustache.

Forget it. I Can’t do anything

That’ll prevent me From getting laid.

Then how do you Explain your Haircut?

Touche. Come on,

Just imagine The look on your Father’s facewhen he finds out Bluebird went down To his own dummy Candidate-slash gay Vegan commie son.

Hmm, I like it.

Okay. Let’s fly The unicorn flag.

Okay, for The last time,

There’s no unicorn.

It’s just A rainbow. Rainbow. Okay.

Hey, vote claxton.

I hear He’s a homo.

Look, big clark.

The lady Pressed "Lobby".

I take it you’re going To get off, then?

Oh, yes I am.

I’ve got a plate Of fish nachos Calling my name.

Fish nachos?

It’s a caponelli Original.

I get the kids over At nacho grande

To make it up For me special.

The brine just... Sets it off.

Oh. Oh, if You’ll excuse me.

Sure. Loser.

Excuse me?

What, you lose,

Thus you’re a Loser? That part?

Uh-uh!

Nobody pushed The button,

We’re at the lobby, I need to eat,

The contest Is over.

Oh. Well, The contest,

Seeing as we’re Now referring To it as such,

Was to try to Get the other guy To press "Lobby",

Something neither Of us has done.

So, you leave, You lose. Whatever.

Male voice: Throughout The generations,

The world has Enjoyed great leaders

Like the peace-loving Jesus christ,

The freedom-loving Joan of arc,

And the fun-loving Genghis khan.

What do all these People have in common?

If they lived In ward 12,

They’d vote for Clark claxton iii.

Shouldn’t you?

I had the I.T. Guys Put it together.

What do you think? What do I think?I think it’s Time for me To start practising My victory speech.

You want To hear it? Okay.

Ahem.

Fuck you, dad!

Too long? A little.

Lose the "Dad".

Thank you, sir.

Mmm.

Ah!

That is one Refreshing beverage, You know that?

I can’t believe you Paid 500 bucks for A bottle of water.

Yeah, I know. The guy was a Shitty negotiator.

I would have gone Up to a grand.

Sip? Yeah.

Press "Lobby" For me.

I’m never going to Push that button.

You’re not going To break me.

Suit yourself.

Did it ever occur To you, geppetto,

That I really don’t Want to break you?

That I actually Want to spend more Time with you.

Maybe I’m Falling in love.

Looking into Your eyes...

Is like looking Into hell.

I’m not the devil,

I’m just His broker.

Hi, there.

Clark claxton For city council.

Good to know you. Ooh, love the tie.Is that Tomato sauce? Nope, aids ribbon. Love it. Love it.

Pleasure to Meet you.

Eager to Lead you.

Robin & clark:

God, I love The people.

You sure about This gay thing?

Nice to meet you. Vote claxton.

I’m not going To do that.

Okay, you Slept with me,then sent me A text message Saying I was The worst lay You ever had.

You used the Word "Corpse".

Well, maybe I meant it As a cute nickname.No. And while we’re Talking about Nicknames,

I heard you Call me "Kleenex" Behind my back.

Vote claxton! Ugh.

Aah! That’s a pin, Not a sticker!

Thanks, kleenex.Ah... Ew. What’s that Thing doing here?

Oh, sorry, I had To bring jody in To work today.

There was an outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease At my daycare.

I’m going to Kiss the baby. In front of everyone?

Yeah, it’ll be A great photo op.

Here, get it on My camera phone.

Hi, there.

Clark claxton for City councillor.

Oh, what an adorable Little girl.

He’s not a girl.

And he’s Not adorable,

But let’s not Split hairs.

Come here, Big guy.

Mmm-mwah!

Yeah.

Did you just kiss My baby on the lips?

Why, where am I Supposed to kiss him?

Well, not On the lips!

Well, I didn’t Use my tongue.

You thought about Using your tongue?

No...

Vote claxton.

Gotta go.

What’s up?

Holy shit.

Is there a panty Shortage I’m Not aware of?

What you did Just there was Very wrong.

Could you email That to me?

Yeah, sure.

Press the lobby Button and It’s yours.

Bad news.

Bluebird started A smear campaign.

Son of a bitch.

Male voice: Clark claxton Says he’s a vegan.

Clark claxton says he’s An environmentalist.

Clark claxton says He’s a homosexual.

Clark claxton Is a liar.

Can we trust him to Take care of our ward?

This advertisement Paid for by the concerned Citizens of ward 12

And incumbent Robert bluebird, The greatest man Who ever lived.

Hey...

I’m still Chewing here.

Wow, dodged A bullet there.What are you Talking about? Well, they totally Missed the fact that She’s my cousin.

Oh, well then, the Ball’s in our court.

I’m thinking A press conference

Where the ward gets To meet your partner.

Ah. All right.

But he better Be hot.

I’m not dating A troll.

Millie!

Send in our Secret weapon.

Clark, say Hello to the man

Who’s going to win You this election.

Hello, lover.

Uh-huh.

Well, at least It’s not sam.

Yeah, I couldn’t Find him.

But I think vic Here will be Even better.

I’m your Secret weapon.

I am so good at Pretending to be gay.

I once dated a man For two years.

Claxton is A total pig.

But the entire firm Is just dying to Vote for him.

I hear he’s actually Going to win.

Bye, sam. Bye, daphne.

That son Of a bitch.

He’s trying to take His old man down.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Where are you going?

I’m calling A time-out.

I’ve got to stop Clark from winning.

No time-outs!

You leave, I win.

Fuck off, Scorsese!

I make the rules Around here. I’m getting off!

I don’t think That’s fair.

You son of a bitch!

Now we’re stuck.

Oooh.

Do you realize That now My son is going to Beat me for the First time ever?

And so am I. Going to beat you!

Obviously Not physically.

Or in the election.

Although I do Follow politics.

You ready to go? Yep.

Got my hemp suit And everything.

Going to smoke the Lapels after I win.Ladies and gentleman, I present your next Ward 12 councillor,

Clark claxton.

Thank you.

Members Of the press,

I’m very happy To be here today

To address some of The hurtful rumours

Whoa, whoa... Surrounding My campaign...

Sorry I’m late. Whew!

What’s with The chair? I don’t know.

Somebody parked in My parking spot.

Better move My car.

Nice angle, vic. I never thought of The handicap vote.

I’ll do anything For my man.

Ladies and gentlemen Of the press,

Thank you for Coming today.

Mr. Claxton, Tawny port, City rush news.

How do you respond to The opposition’s claim

That you are A woman-loving,

Meat-eating, Smog-producing Conservative?

Well, tawny,

At the time that Video was shot

I was living a lie.

All I did was Hurt the one I love the most.

This is victor, My life partner.

He’s crippled.

A lot.

Oh-h...

What do you Have to say

About the City’s proposed Recycling program?

Good question.

I love recycling.

I recycle All the time.

You know, just because Something’s broken,

You don’t just Throw it away.

I mean, look At victor here.

Huh?

Oh, hey.

You still mad at me For getting us Stuck in here?

Nah. Anger is For poor people. Oh.

When I was a kid And my dad used To get mad at me,

He would always Say he wasn’t.

But then He’d disappear Into the shed

With a litre Of gin and a...

A stack of old Muscle mags.

I’m starting to get A much clearer picture Of you, serpico.

Hey.

I’m sorry if I Ruined your evil Election scheme.

Nah.

It’s safe to say There’s somebody On my payroll

That can handle A rigged vote.

Hey, do you know I’ve got a guy whose Only job it is

Is to take My colonoscopies For me? Wow.

You know, you don’t Want to be cheating On a test like that.

Huh.

God, I’m...

I’m mad thirsty.

Here.

How much?

Nothing. Take it. Free?

What the hell’s In it, pee?

Yeah, I carry a flask Of piss in my pocket.

Take it. All right.

Thank you. Yep.

I was carrying A spare.

Styrell hill, "Coming out" weekly.

So how do things work For you two sexually?

Umm...Styrell: Can you do it? Or is this more of a Companionship thing?

Let me field That question.

First off, we Don’t use a chair.

Secondly, Our kitchen...

Okay, I think We’re getting a Little sidetracked.

Can we please Focus our questions

On mr. Claxton’s Platform?

Mr. Claxton, why Are you so reluctant

To talk about Your partner?

Uh, I’m not Reluctant, styrell,

I-I just want To focus on more Relevant issues.

So I’m not relevant?

No, you’re... You’re... You’re...

Really Important to me.

I... I love you.

You don’t Sound too sure.

No you don’t, Clark.

What’s happening To us? Hmm?

It’s this goddamn Chair, isn’t it? Okay, what Are you doing?

It’s called a Lovers’ quarrel.Makes us Look legit. But you’re ruining Everything. Oh, so I’m Ruining everything.

Everything Is vic’s fault!

Blame it on the Cripple again! No, no, no, no!

Damn this chair!

No, I’m, I’m-I’m Sorry, baby.

I’m-I’m-I’m So sorry.

Oh, you should be.

Now why don’t you Come over here

And give me a kiss, You big lug.

Give us a kiss For the cameras.

Oh yeah, Do it, do it.

It’ll be a Good photo op.

Oh god! Ugh!

Oh-h! Oh, god!

Oh!

Fuck it.

I’m not gay, He’s not crippled.

This is all... This Is all just stupid.

Ugh!

Thanks, folks. You’ve been great. Mr. Claxton, what’s Going to happen when We get out of here?

Are you just going to Pass me in the hall

And pretend not To know my name?

Yup, that’s the way It’s got to be.

Natural order Of things.

Ughh. You don’t see Sharks hanging around With fish, do you?

What about the fish That clean the sharks?

Pfft. Exception that Proves the rule.

I am so not Cool with that.

And so you know what? Every chance I get,

I am going to Smother you

With... With handshakes And high fives.

High five!

Sorry, can’t do it.

It’s too pedestrian.

Best I can do Is a cold nod, All right?

You are a hard man.

Hard.

Shut up.

I’m serious.

Oh man...

Do you know What it’s like Being a claxton?

I’m sorry...

Every day, I just Screw people.

That’s what I’m Fucking supposed to do

Every goddamn day!

Well, I have Feelings.

I do.

I want to be moved.

And I want to love And I want to be loved.

Stupid...

Fucking lonely.

I’m so sorry.

Awww, it’s Okay, buddy.

It’s okay.

You know...

You are like one Of the many sons That I have

I don’t know about.

Oh, that is So weird!

Oh! I think we’re Moving again.

Yeah.

Victory!

That is so cheap!

Hey, a win’s a win.

You don’t get To be a magnate

By being Honourable, sam.

Oh, I think This is you.

Oh, that’s right, I also have Your wallet.

Ugh!

He and I, we Had a really...

Would you stop yakking About yourself?

I’m trying to Watch the tv.

Well, you’re not Winning, are you? No!

Looks like Bobby bluebird isn’t Going to win either.

Some nobody named Esmerelda sanchez Is in the lead.

No, not in the lead.

Oh, hey, son.

Ah! And how Perfect is this?

I don’t even Have to call.

I can gloat Face to face. Heh-heh-heh.

Uh-huh. Well, I just wanted To come in here

And thank you again For helping out

With this whole Election thing.

Ah, no need To thank me.

Didn’t you hear? Bluebird lost!

So? He’s Not my guy.

I backed sanchez.

But bluebird’s Your old buddy.

Why, because we played Golf once or twice?

I actually hated That son of a bitch.

No, no, sanchez is My new "Green" shill.

I mean, come on, don’t You recognize her?

Holy shit.

That’s your housekeeper. She used to make Mm-hmm. The empanadas

Mm-mm-mm. Good Ones, remember?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, she holds Political office now.

Anyway, I’m going to Fly her daughter in

From panama To vacuum.

Get your fucking Hand off me.

Hasta la vista son.

Get your fucking Hand off me.

Ugh.

He’s never kissed Me on the lips.

Or looked me In the eyes.

Hey! Robin.

Would you mind Watching the baby For a second?

We were just going To run down to The food court

And get a coffee.

Fine.

Thanks.

Wait, how long you Guys going to be?

Okay, you listen to Me, you stupid baby.

You enjoy this Life of leisure While you can

Because when Clark claxton Gets elected

You’re going to work.

Yeah, that’s right, You’re getting a job.

Yeah. Try sucking On that teat for A change, huh?

In your face, You stupid fu...

You’re so cute.

Oh-h-h...

What the hell Am I doing?

You stink. One, two, three, four!