Original subtitles

Oh, man...

Foie gras.

How am I going To get that out?

Hey, robin!

Do you know how To a stain out...

Hello!

Ah, the perks of letting Women in the workplace.

Hmm...

You ever hear Of knocking?

No, I never a knocker.’cause you Never know When there’s a Hot topless woman On the other side.

Or in this case...

You.

Whoa.

Jesus!

We could Use that arm

On the firm softball Team, howland.Oh... Especially after The steroid scandal With gladys.

Oh. You should Have known.

She grows a Better moustache Than murray.

Well, she was a Handsome woman. True.Yeah, I don’t know, Mr. Kaplan... Oh, everyone else here Sucks at pitching!

Please. I’m so tired of Losing every season.

Just once I’d like To sniff the sweaty Smell of victory.

Don’t waste Your breath, sir.

Robin’s always Going on about

How firm sports Are for losers.

No, I don’t.

No, I never... I never say that.

I l firm sports.

Good! Then It’s settled.

First game’s At lunch.

Okay.

Thanks for selling Me out, clark.

And thank you For the peep show.

You know, you go Bottomless next time

And I’ll double it. Mmm-hmm.

Huh.

One, two, three, four!

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ he’s got the world In his hand ♪

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ the work is never done

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh

♪ way-oh, way-oh-ho

Huh!

♪ I am the working man

♪ through the night Till the morning sun ♪

♪ I am the working man

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

♪ pray for The working man ♪

♪ always there With a helping hand ♪

♪ pray for The working man ♪

♪ the work is never done

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ another day Has just begun ♪

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ it’s never friggin’ done

Hey! You’ll Never believe What I just saw.

I know, the New urinals

Are way too Close together.

But I’ve got Bigger problems.

Youtube is down.

Ah! It’s the New firewall.

Everything From facebook

To teen vogue Is blocked.

Most importantly, No more porno.

It’s a fucking Outrage.

Eww. You look At porno at work?

Of course. What do you do

When your office Door’s closed?

I just cry.

How do they expect A lawyer to work

Under these Conditions?

I’m useless Without youtube.

Well, that explainsthe first 30 years Of your life. What am I going to do When unicorngirl28

Posts another video of Her cat yawning bach?

I’m going to I.T. To get the Firewall password.

All right. So I Guess you don’t care

That I saw Robin’s tits?

Start from the top. Don’t leave Anything out

And using fruits In reference To breast size

Would paint a Very vivid picture.

Nah, forget it.

You were too Busy whining

About your Insomniac cats

To hear my tale Of two titties.

Yeah, but, clark, We share everything.

If you’ve seen Robin’s boobs And I haven’t,

You’re going to destroy The delicate balance Of our triumvirate.

Wah, wah, wah. You’re...

Look, you’re Totally killing My boob buzz.

Get out of here. Well...

Ah!

Hmm... Guavas maybe?

No, no, That’s not it.

Got to get My porn back.

Oh, yeah!

Well, if it isn’t Chesty morgan.

I knew he’d Tell you.

Yeah, well he Shouldn’t have To tell me.

If you’re going to Show them to him,

You should show Them to me.

What... What Are you doingchanging in your Office anyway? Oh, my spin class Gets out the same time As seniors’ yoga.

Those ladies, They just let it All hang out.

This is all about The balance of The triumvirate.

Does nobody get This but me?

What are you... What are you doing?

Oh, I’m pitching For the firm’s Softball team today.

Oh. Yep.Apparently All those years As the red deer Five-pin bowling champ Really paid off.

Do you have Any pointers? Yes. Pitch topless.

Yeah. Sure.

Yup.

Hey, how do you say, "Happy birthday, Grandma" in klingon?

Qoslij dativjaj, sos.

That’s why I love you, stacey.

Hi, ladies...

Greetings, Fellow humanords.What’s new in Middle earth? The shire called. They want their Hairy feet back.

Oh, guys,

I thought We were tight?

What’s his name?

Vivian. No.

Leslie. No.

Sasha. No!

It’s stacey. Get lost, bilbo.

Look! Just give us

The firewall Password, All right?

Can’t. Against Firm policy.

Puh-lease!

Please! I need The youtube.

All right, I’ll Tell you what.

If either of you Can figure out

What stacey Here is saying,

The password Is yours.

Paqit pol.

Wow!

You two are bigger Losers than I thought.Let’s get Out of here. Not even close.

Clark, you Remember when You made fun of me

For going to Klingon fantasy camp?

Yeah.

Paqit po.

He who smelt it, Dealt it.

Ding ding. We have a wiener!

Yeah!

The password...

The password Is "Vaggina".

Be sure to spell It with two "G"S."Vaggina"? The second "G" Is for gordon.

He died in a Snowmobile accident.

It’s our tribute.

That’s Beautiful, guys.

Tangelos.

Her boobs were The size of tangelos.

Oh, ho, ho, ho! I don’t even Care anymore.

I’ve got me A water-skiing Squirrel to watch.

The most important Thing for a pitcher

Is to trust The catcher.

Trust you. Got it.

The most important Thing is the ritual.

You... You just Said the most important Thing is to trust you.

And you’re Not doing that Now, are you?

Oh, touche.

Now, listen Closely.

The secret To baseball Is the ritual.

Just find Your groove.

All right...

Now, the ritual Is your friend.

When you throw a strike,

Remember every Little thing you did

And then repeat it, Each time you pitch.

Each time.

Okay.

Come on!

Now, how many times Did you blink?

Um... Three.

Remember it!

Okay.

All right.

What do you say We dispense of The, uh... Klingon

And speak a more Universal language?

500 bucks Do it for you?

Get lost, Beanpole.

You can’t buy us.

Were there seven Of you before He came along?

Did you just Call him fat?

No.

He was fat 100 pounds ago.

That’s it.

No one picks on My best friend.

This is war, Claxton.

You and me?

That’s hardly A fair fight.

So my reputation Precedes me.

Yeah...

All right, 650?

That’s my Final offer.

Fine. Game on.

Let me get That for you.

Oh! So sorry, My bad.

Oh! So sorry.

My finger slipped.

Oh! So sorry, His bad.

Incredible, robin.

A no-hitter! Ho-ho!

And you did it Without wearing A slutty top.Yeah! Keep that up And you’ll start Going places.

Well, thank you, sir.

Oh, look at this.

It’s the mod squad.

What are you Doing here?

You know we’re not Supposed to fraternize Before our game.

I’d hardly call it A "Game", would you?It’d be more Like, what? Picking on The short bus Kids at recess.

Those were The good days.

The driver let me Sit up frontaway from The poo stink. You don’t have A chance against Our new ace.

Howland, here, Just tossed A no-no.

Yeah. So I’ve heard.

Oh! Excuse me.

Of course, our Line-up won’t include Any paraplegics.

Oh, come on, It was one guy.

Oh, I’m sorry.

The hell was that?

Death curse. Good luck tomorrow.

You, too!

Millie!

Millie! Didn’t you Hear me bellowing?

I’m sorry, sir.

I’m a little Distracted.

Huh, trying to make Your own glue?

Oh, I could Never do this, sir.

It was that monster!

Ah, monster, no.

Munster, maybe.

See those tears?Uh-huh. That’s right, It’s what we Call a "Keach".

As in me.

What are You doing?

Everyone knows I don’t give a shit About millie.

This won’t be over

Until I completely Destroy you.

And then some.

And maybe even Some more.

Whatevs!

Hey, nice work On the tears.

You ever do Summer stock?

These tears are Genuine, sir.

Although I Did play rizzo Four years running

In my high school Production of "Grease".

This is Psychological warfare.

Clark sr. Wants to mess With your head.

What? You’re not Really buyinginto this curse Thing, are you? Oh, this reminds me of When I was a shaw-man.

I think it’s pronounced "Shay-men".

Are you arguing with Me at this dark hour?

Look. What are we Going to do about This, howland?

The firm’s pride Is at stake.

Your future Is at stake.

Okay, look, There’s nothing To worry about.

Okay, clark’s dad Can’t voodoo- Curse people,

He’s a white guy!

Watch.

Oy!

I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.

I’m just nervous.

Cobwebs, nothing More than cobwebs.

Cobwebs. Take another one,

Stick to Your ritual.

Blink three times, Step to your left,

Step to your right,

And then shake It all about. Got it!

Hey!

J...!

Maybe it’s Four blinks.

What’s going on?

Are you crying?

Are you crying? There’s no crying

In co-ed office Slow-pitch softball!

Actually, when you say It out loud like that,

There probably is.

No, I’m not crying.

It’s these stupid Scented candles.

I feel ridiculous.

You look ridiculous.

Sea-foam green Eye shadow? Yee!

What are you doing? My grandmother was a Voodoo high priestess.

I’ll have you know That she raised grandpa Zombie from the dead.

Hmm. He and I used to Play this game

Called "Pull my finger"

But actually, we only Played it ten times.

And the... Uh, Chicken wrap?

For the sacrifice.

If you’d only given Me ten more minutes,

I could’ve got us A live chicken.

Okay, okay, Okay, okay.

Just get on with it.

My password Stopped working.

What’s The new one?Well, it’s Still "Vagina" But now there’s A silent "K" at The beginning.

Who died?

It’s for keach.

Oh, ’cause He’s fighting

The un-winnable War against clark.

Aw! You miss Your little buddy, Don’t ya?

He ditched me This morning

Before our "Wham!" performance

At the children’s Hospital.

I play Andrew ridgeley.

You’ve no idea How disappointed The kids were

When I said "Jitterbug"

And stood there For five minutes.

All I’m saying is, Don’t travel anywhere

That requires A passport.

And all I’m saying is,

Your girlfriend, Stacey, has got Some nice tits.

Oh, there he is!

Hey, clark! Keach!

Regar what I’m Going to do now.

Whoa, hey, hey!

That’s my nudie pen.

Have you no decency?

Oh, so sorry.

Here, let me Clean it for you.

Let me just Put it back.

The king is dead!

Ah! Long live The king!

Yes!

Ahh! Burn!

Oh! Loser.

You okay, man?

That was my Pearl harbour.

Yeah.

Now I’m going To have to go Ben affleck on his ass.

By the way, are You giving me My dvd back?

No.

Still not naked but Just as interesting.

Huh!

Robin, I’m three feet away From you, and you missed.

Huh!

I’m just going to...

Ah!

Oh!

Hmm... "Slayer".

Why not?

Holy shit!

My bumper!

You claxtons Have wreaked havoc In this firm!

First your father Ruins my ace pitcher

And then you cripple Our best I.T. Guy.Well, to be Fair, sir, The doctors said The paralysis Is only temporary.

We could be facing A massive lawsuit.

Too bad we don’t Have any lawyers Around here.

Oh! Don’t fuck With me.

Everyone In the firm

Heard about Your plot to Destroy keach.

Oh! Vicious Rumours, sir.You know how These things works. People think You’re a total... Ah! Ah! Ah!

Enough already.

Look, goliath,

Time to make Nice with david.

Do whatever The little guy Wants you to do

Or else.

Or else what?

Or else I’ll Throw you through The fucking window.

Oh, my!

Oh, mercy.

If only I could Wheel myself over This tiny gap.

Uh-huh.

Hey... Buddy.

Let me help You out there.

There you go.

It’s really Big of you to up And volunteer

And be my Wet nurse.

Uh, nobody said Anything about wet.

In due time, claxton. In due time.

But right now, I have To go to the bathroom.

You’re holding The magazine.

This is Getting ridiculous.

And why am I Buying into it?

A stupid curse?

I’m supposed To be the rational One here.

You’re the one Who always falls for The idiotic schemes.

Yeah well, We all have to Play our part.

Ooh, you think I can be the onethat gets sucked Into the future And returns with tales Of our robot masters?

Yes. Wait a second!

If this thing’s All about ritual,

Then maybe what You need to do

Is go back to The beginning.

The dinosaurs.

Maybe what You need to do

Is re-live this Whole experience From square one.

Didn’t all Of this start

With somebody Bursting into Your office

And seeing Your breasts?

Well, uh... I’m somebody.

I can burst Into your office. Show me them.

Okay, let it go.

Okay? They’re...

They’re just Slightly bigger Than yours.

What?

Pomegranate?

Avocado.

Go check Your e-mail.

Sweet. The new "Marmaduke"? Better.

Better than "Marmaduke"?

I told you, when I blow in your ear,

You turn. All right!

This could only be Better if you were a Strapping german woman.

This could only Be worse if you Had a boner.

Oh, oh, Prepare for worse.

Son. Father.

Think you’ve got Something on Your back there.

Oh, yes, it’s My new backpack.

It’s all the Rage in japan.

My gym clothes are Stuffed up his ass. Mmm-hmm.

There’s a very simple Explanation, sir.

No, no, No, no, no.

I didn’t say Anything when I Found little clarkie

With his dick Stuck in the Vacuum cleaner,

I’m not going to Say anything now.

But, I do have a Cursed woman to taunt.

So, if you’ll Excuse me.

Good to see you.

Clark! Office! Now!

Mine! This one. The one I’m standing in front of.

Ah! Ah...

Millie, keep Him entertained.

Will it be the robot Or the neutron dance?

What?

I don’t have the time To watch teenaged girls

Dancing in their Pyjamas to pop hits.

Or do I?

Stacey emailed me This youtube link.

I think he really Wants his keach back.

Ah! Yeah, no! No, no, Second link.

Second link. Yeah?

Yeah, okay, No, no, no, No, no, no, no.

Hit the "Back" button. Back?

Yeah, scroll up, Scroll up.

There it is. Make It bigger. Yeah.

Yeah? No! Don’t accept That cookie.No! What did you... What are you doing To my toolbar? Nothing.

Okay.

Ah!

That son of a bitch.Per square inch, I think he Could be eviler Than you, clark.

I admire the Little guy.Well... I mean, I’m not going to His funeral, but...

I admire him.

You’re awesome.

Millie!

Gather as many People as you can In the lounge

And prepare For bloodshed.

I say rip him Lengthwise

And shit down His throat, sir.

Metaphorically, Of course.

And why do people Call it a tuna Fi sandwich?

I don’t know. Of course it’s A tuna fish.

What, is there A tuna bird, A tuna pig?

Oh. Hello.

Huh.

Hmm. I just got To second base

And the game hasn’t Even started yet.

Everyone, your Attention please.

Mr. Claxton has Something to say.

Thanks, millie.

I just wanted To apologize to... To keach.

And, well, to everyone.

You know? I’ve, uh...

I’ve recognized The error of my ways,

And, uh... I’m Sorry, keach.

You’ve... You’ve Taught a...

A hardened man a... A lesson in humility.

So... Yeah, let’s Get in there.

I know what you did To me in the parking Garage, you charlatan.

I saw the Security video.

Yeah, you want A little top-up?

Yeah! Have Some more coffee.

It’s good For you.

I’ve, uh, learned A lot about myself,

A lot about life,

Throughout This entire,

Entire ord...

Oh my god!

Oh! Oh! I’m so sor...

I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Oh, thank goodness You’re paralysed.

Can you imagine The pain?

You know what, I’ll get the Dry cleaning.

Cheque okay?

Yeah, of Course it is.All right, well... I’ll just, Uh... I’ll just Leave it blank.

You can Fill it in.

Whoop. Ah. Forgot To dot the "I".

I’m never getting out Of this fucking chair.

Yeah, we’ll See about that.

Let’s get you out Of those soiled Chinos, all right?

Thanks, millie. Thanks, everybody.

All right. Let’s Play a little game Called "Stairwell".

Ah!

Sir!

Out of my way! I’m fine!

Sir... I’m fine!

You’ll never Catch me, fucker.

No.

No, it’s not Right, is it?

Hmm?

The left one’s smaller, Than the right.

Isn’t it?

Well, am I Even close?

Fuck off.

Yeah, you’re right.

I’m going to Start all over.

Maybe hire a Professional or Something. Hey!

Oh!

Oh my god.

What an amazingly Fantastic day.

Oh, look. My nudie pen.

Vic!

Whew.

The curse is gone.

Let’s play ball!

Hey, can you Autograph this For me?

Absolutely!

Aw! Aw!

They’re back Together again.

Yes, but the Important thing is

He’s actually Hurt this time.

Yeah. And robin, who Would have thought

You would be Responsible for Winning the big game?

Well, clark sr. Had two broken ribs And a collapsed lung.

He couldn’t pitch Worth shit.

It’s still winning.

And winning Is everything.

Oh, they’re Both from my mom.

Yes, clark Got rid of a Temporary nemesis

And regained His footing Among the pack

Mm-hm. And robin, you...

You proved yourself As a team player To the big brass.

Yeah, you’re right.

Thanks, sam-o.

You’re a Good friend. Ah...

And once again, Sam wins nothing.

Robin, you’ve got to Show me your boobs.

Seriously, it’s All I think about

When I go to The grocery store, The dentist,

When I’m Masturbating.

Enough. All right?

Come on, Drinks on me.

Sounds good. Let me Just drop this off.

Jeez! Don’t You ever knock?

Sorry, sir. Yeah!

That ought to Wipe my boobs Out of your brain.

And what’s weird Is that’s pretty much How I pictured them.

All right, Don’t panic.

Just follow protocol.

Sam caponelli.

Sam! Clarkie!

Listen, sam, uh...

I need you to Meet me down on p3.

Yeah. Bring a hacksaw, Two sharp knives,

A bag of lye, And ten feet...

No, actually make that Six feet of heavy chain.

We’re headed to My father’s yacht On georgian bay.

Oh, clark, not another...

Homeless guy. Line’s not secure.

Okay, I got it.

But I’m bringing my Sudoku book this time. And I want to pick up

Some of that maple syrup On the way back.

Sure. Fine.

No... Never mind.

Actually...

Nah, never mind.

♪ one, two, three, four!