Original subtitles

All right, let’s, Uh... Let’s do those Women over there.

Y-yeah. You do The one on the right.

"Yeah, so like,

I totally drank Too many vodka Coolers last night.

And I totally Emailed that guy

I made out with at The christmas par-tay."

"Uh... Did He respond?""Oh, totally. To tell me How totally Pathetic I am.

So I’m totally going To drown my sorrows

In banker cock On friday."

They’re standing There again.

Those fuckers Never do any work.

Look at them.

They’re high-fiving Each other.

"High five." "High five."

"High five." "High five to you.""No, no..." One, two, three, four!

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ he’s got the world In his hand ♪

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ the work is never done

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh

♪ way-oh, way-oh-ho

Huh!

♪ I am the working man

♪ through the night Till the morning sun ♪

♪ I am the working man

♪ the work is never done

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! ♪ way-oh-way

♪ pray for The working man ♪

♪ always there With a helping hand ♪

♪ pray for The working man ♪

♪ the work is never done

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ another day Has just begun ♪

♪ all hail The working man ♪

♪ it’s never friggin’ done

Mr. Fagen, care To contribute

To tammi’s Baby shower?

We’re getting her A breast pump.

I had one of Those once.

Came with a Five-year warranty.

What kind of A sick bastard

Breastfeeds For that long?

Put me down For a sawbuck.

Ah!

H-hey, Little guy.

How’d you get all The way up here?

And then robin howland

Will walk Us through The details

Of the proposed Deal structure.

Now, if we turn To page one

Of the proposed Deal, uh...

Sorry, it’s a...

Bee or something.

See that?

Anyway, page One, yes,

You’re really going To love this.

It’s kind of A feather in the cap

For fagen & harrison.

We’re clearly at The top of the food chain.

Ah!

God! Cocksucker!

Fuck you!

Argh!

I’m just going to, uh...

Walk this off. Robin,

If you could take over?

Goddamn it!

Do you have $20?

Again?

What is it This time, maxine?

Socks for the Blind, charity Walk for scurvy?

Hey, scurvy’s On the rise,

What with all The malaysian pirates.

Yeah, I was Being facetious.

That another Word for bitch?

Okay, cut To the chase, Old woman.

We’re collecting for Tammi’s baby shower.

Didn’t she just Get married?

Huh. She had to.

Just like you To bring that up.

Okay, you know what? I’m busy prepping

For the altadon Presentation.

Why don’t you come back When you’re collecting

For the kid’s College fund?

Why don’t you just Give me the 20 bucks

And then we don’t Have to see each other

For the rest Of the week?

Are you going to Hand over the cash?

No.

I don’t know tammi.

And I’m tired of Donating money

Towards the Pathetic milestones

Of employees I’ve never met.

All right. It’s your funeral.

Yeah? And how Much do you Need for that?

Hey, clark.

Hey, how did things Go with altadon?

It sounded like you Got a lot of laughs.

Sweet mother of god!

Who did this to you?

No, not who...

What.

It was a wasp.

A tiny, Insignificant wasp.

You look Like popeye.

Body blow! Body blow! Ah...

Oh hey, is your Phone working?Mmm, yeah. Why? Every time I pick Up my phone,

It automatically dials A 1-900 sex line.

Want to switch Phones, please?

Okay. I don’t have Time for this.

I’ve got to Get my powerpoint Presentation from I.T.

Ah, altadon.

After clark shit The bed this morning,

It’s howland To the rescue.

Oh, could we have A moratorium on "Shit the bed"?

Body blow! Body blow!

They’ve never Put a cat in Outer space.

They put a dog up There, a monkey,

Mice, even ducks, But never put A cat up there.

It makes you Think, huh?

Uh-oh.

It’s on my face.

Damn it!

I’m... Sorry that She got away.

I swear, that wasp Will die by my hand.

Think I could, uh, Get my magazine back?

Sure.

I just want to thank You all for coming In this morning.

I know you’re All very excited

To see the results Of our hard work.

Yeah. Are there any More bear claws?

’cause hendricks Ate them all.

Yeah. No, of course.

Just let me, um...

Uh, stacey, could We get some more Coffee and bear claws

In boardroom "A"?

Get them yourself, robin.

Thanks, stacey.

That kooky stacey.

She’ll be by in A bitch... Bit.

You know what?

Let’s start with the Presentation, huh?

Okay.

On this pie chart,

You’ll see a Significant percentage

Of transactions of this Nature, specifically...

Oh. Oh, sorry.

Um...

It’s upside-down.

Um, on this Next chart...

You’ll... See just How yummy your Profits will be.

The hell...

Oh, oh, oh...

It’s so ridiculous!

I like pie.

I like drunk women.

Hey, squinty.

That wasp is out There somewhere,

But I’m going To find it.

And when I do, From hell’s heart,

I’ll stab at it.

Aw, that little guy?

Apparently He’s a she.

Really? Yeah.I’m kind of in awe Of her, you know? I mean, isn’t it Amazing the way she Got all the way up here

And overcame adversity and Conquered this new land?

Yeah.

Hey, why don’t you Take your pathetic Projection

Of your immigrant Life and shove It up your ass?

Let the wasp Be, clark.

Shh! There it is.

Uh, leave the...

Leave the Little guy alone.

You... You’re pretty Graceful for a big guy.

Four years of ballroom, Two years of tap.

I think we’re going To have to take points Off for the dismount.

All right!

Who screwed up my Powerpoint presentation?

What seems to be The problem?

Is there some Kind of problem?

Uh, well, first off,

There were lots of Pictures of pies.

Like charts?

No. Like vaginas?

No. The kind You eat.

Like vaginas?

Okay, stop Fucking around.

What happened To my computer?

The files might have Gotten corrupted.

Yeah, the file might Have gotten corrupted.

Yeah, corrupted.

Okay, well, it was Perfectly fine earlier.

How could it Get corrupted?

Is that Really the right Question to ask?What? Did You reboot your computer

Before the presentation?

Yeah, did You reboot it?

It’s very important.

Yeah, that’s Probably it.

Um... Should I have?

Did you?

Well, I don’t Think so. No.

Tsk. There you go.

There you go. File corrupted.

File corrupted.

Well, why Don’t you leave The computer here

And we’ll run some Diagnostics on it?

Yeah, we’ll diagnose The hell out of it.

Yeah. Hell. Right out of it.

N-no.

All right, Listen up, People.

I need your Attention.

This money... Goes to whomever

Brings me The head of the wasp.

That’s going To be hard.

Their heads Are real small.

Just bring it to me.

Dead!

All right?

I’ll be in my office.

He’s just one Pissed-off white man.

For the last time, I did not order a basket Of chocolate penises.

Now stop sending me This stuff. It’s creepy.

Hey, robin. You Seen the wasp?

Clark?

Hmm!

Mmm.

You do know What those are.

Delicious.Oh, you’re Half right. I think the assistants Are sabotaging me.

Any idea why?

Because you’re paranoid?

Paranoid? How do You explain the fact

That none of My photocopying Is getting done?

And read this...

I sent a tape off To get transcribed

And this came back.

"Blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah."

Okay. And I suppose That my altadon Presentation

Turned into a "Girls gone wild" Extravaganzaby coincidence? I think the assistants Might be sabotaging you.

Any idea why?

No. They don’t Even talk to me

Unless it’s to hit Me up for some cash

To pay for some Stupid present

For some stupid Assistant I Don’t even know.

Robin, you didn’t.

What? Say "No" to the assistants?

Yeah. So?

What is wrong With you?

They take this stuff Really seriously.

It’s like An unwritten rule

That the lawyers Always pitch in.

Okay. So how Do I fix it?

Send a peace offering And do it quick.

Hey, do you mind if I have another one

Of these little Chocolate carrots?

Yeah, take The basket.

Uh!

Leave me a dark one.

Thanks.

What the hell Are you doing?

I’m listening For the wasp.

I can hear its fear.

Aren’t you supposed to Be able to smell fear?

Depends on The kind of fear.

Uh, listen, everybody.

Can I have Your attention, Please, for a second?

This, uh, poor, Defenceless wasp

Is just a tiny little Yellow-jacketed wonder.

I mean, it could One day pollinate A flower

That could feed An animal

Whose spleen could One day cure Type 2 diabetes.

Don’t you have That, melissa?

Yeah. And you guys Want to kill melissa

For a measly 100 bucks?

All right. $200 To whoever brings Me the wasp, alive.

"Whomever."

Are you sure?

It’s the object of a Prepositional phrase.

"Whomever".

Whatever.

What?

Hi, maxine.

I just bought a little Something for tammi

And wanted to drop It off to her.

Ah!

Okay. I’ll make Sure she gets it.

Oh, no, no, no. I’ll do it myself. Where is she?

Uh, no. I don’t Mind, robin.

I need the exercise And pushing a stroller

Will make me feel Less menopausal.

Oh, no. Um...

But I kind of wanted To deliver it myself.

No. I promise you, I’ll give it to her.

Okay, but I really Think I should talk To tammi myself.

No. You shouldn’t.

No. Ow!

Stop it.

What the hell is Wrong with you?

Ah...

Ah.

So, how much you Pay for wasp?

That depends.

Is that my wasp

Or some bullshit Wasp that you Found outside?

It is the wasp You seek.

I catch it in Photocopy room.

Ah-hah. Put out an open-face Jam sandwich,

The rest is history.

I’ll give you $100, My swarthy friend.

Ooh. Mr. Sam Say he pay 200.

What? Fine.

I’ll double that. Just give it here.

Hey! The money first.

Bullshit! How do I know the box Isn’t empty?

Fine.

Here.

I caught the wasp!

What?

Ugh. Too cocky.

Feet on the desk. Idiot!

Sam, you son of A bitch, that’s my wasp!

Give me my wasp, You son of a whore!

Give it to me!

You moron.

I couldn’t Help it.

It stung the shit Out of my hand.

Really? Ah! Ah!

Ah!

Okay. Yeah. One, two, three...

Let’s get The fucker.

Excuse me.

Do you know where I can find tammi?

Tammi? I think She went for lunch.

Vickie, have You seen tammi?

Tammi?

Um, didn’t she move To another floor?

The one above us. Below us.

Uh... One of those.

Hi. I... I’m Looking for tammi.

Uh, tamsen?

No. Tammi.

I’ve got this great Baby shower gift

And I want to Get it to her.

Tammi. Tammi.

Yeah, uh, she Left for the day.

I-it’s 11:00 a.M.

Um, she wasn’t Feeling well.

A little morning Sickness.

I heard her in The bathroom...

Vomiting.

Thanks.

Good morn’ to you. Is this reception?

Yeah. I’m trying to Ring up tammi mcguffin.

Could you be a love And put me through?

Hello?

There is no Tammi, is there?

Hello, robin. Don’t You look nice?

You’ve been Collecting money

For an employee That doesn’t exist.

Well, you better Not let tammi Hear you say that.

Well, fine then.

Bring her in here And I’ll tell her To her face

That she doesn’t exist.

Did you ever Consider that tammi Might be too busy

To prove that She exists, robin?

Okay, the jig is up. I am on to you, maxine.

You listen to Me, nancy drew.

You better stop Your snooping around

Before you stumble Onto something

You don’t want To know about.

Well, I’m not Leaving until you Tell me the truth

About what’s going on.

Suit yourself.

Oh. Fine.

I can sit here all day.

Wake up and smell The coffee, robin.

We sharpen Your pencils,

We pick up Your dry cleaning,

We watch you take off On your long weekends To casinorama.

Casinorama? Oh, yes.

And we buy your husbands Birthday presents

And shuttle Your parents To the airport

And you don’t Even know our names.

Whose names?

Exactly!

And the best you Stupid bastards Can come up with

Is secretary’s day.

Okay, what the hell Does this have To do with tammi?

Every office Has a tammi

Or a janice Or a dani

Or some other Name we can fly Under the radar.

We run these Downtown law firms

And brokerage houses And investment banks

And nobody gives A flying fuck!

Huh. So you Steal money?

We call it The tammi tax.

We use it To buy bonbons And gossip rags

And the occasional Box of wine.

It helps us Get through our Pathetic lives.

So let it be.

Uh, that’s extortion.

That’s life.

We’ll see.

Bitch!

Vic’s office! You’re going Down, you 1000-eyed bitch!

Actually, flies Have 1000 eyes.

Shut up! There!

Ah! Goddamn it.

It’s too Clever for us.Well, what are We going to do? You have to get them All woozy with smoke,

Then you can have Your way with them.Really? Yeah. It’s What all the top Apiaries are doing.

Apiaries.

Well all right, David suzuki.

I want you to go To fagen’s office

And bring back As many cubans

As you can carry. Eh?

Cigars, vic!

Go!

I could bring back A bottle of scotch.

Clark & sam: Shut the door!

The windows Are closed,

It’s 90 degrees and Everyone’s sweating...

Are those Chocolate penises?

There’s no way.

...The towel boy Gives me my pants back

And that was The end of it.

The secretarial pool

Has been stealing money From the lawyers.

I have evidence.

You know, tammi,

The woman who seems To squirt out a baby

Every other month, Doesn’t exist.

The assistants Made her up

To take advantage Of our generosity.

Birthdays, 5k runs, Retirements...

It’s all lies.

The money goes to Bonbons and booze.

Thank you, Tammi.

Tammi?

No, that’s Not tammi.

You’re not tammi. There is no tammi.

I bet that woman Isn’t even pregnant.

Show us your belly.

Show you... My belly?

Yeah. Do it, bitch!

Robin howland,

Have you been messing With your medication?

It’s all right.

The poor girl’s been Under so much pressure.

Why don’t you go lie Down in your office

And tammi’ll bring you A nice cup of tea.But... These guys are crazy.

Oh, hi robin.

Oh, that’s right.

Yeah, she wasn’t Feeling well.

Yeah, oh, a little Morning sickness.

Huh. I know She’s not real.

And I hope that Fake baby explodes Out of her fake ass

And rains bonbons And chardonnay

Down on every Single one of you!

Agh!

Fuck.

I think it’s Getting sleepy.

That’s one Tough-ass insect.

No match for a claxton.

Oh, no, no. You’d Need a june bug

Or a spider to Foil a claxton.

Actually, spiders Aren’t insects.

Shut the fuck up!

Gotcha.

Hey, you ever kill Anything, clark?

I shot a bushman once.

On purpose?

Well, when I was 15,

My dad took me to Africa to hunt big game.

A lion jumped out Of the grass, I dropped my gun,

And I accidentally shot Our guide in the ass.

I sat in urine- Soaked khakis For three hours

Waiting for the Rescue helicopter,

While my dad Mocked me

And a small Kalahari man clicked His tongue in agony.

Good times.

Yeah. You?

Well, I had A girlfriend who Had a mouse problem.

Finally caught one And I tried to flush It down the toilet,

But the fucker Wouldn’t go down.

Took me four Flushes, some drano,

A plunger and A pair of scissors.

Ended the Relationship.

Well, that would.

I never Killed anyone.

Hey. What are you Guys doing in here?

Clark & sam: Close the door!

Shh!

You guys hear Anything?

No.

It’s gone!

Goddamn it!

Son of a bitch!

To another Pretty good day.

The hell...

Was tammi An actress?

Does it really Matter?

Here’s your 20.

See you tomorrow.

Whatever.

Hey, this is dakota.

What can I do For you today?

Um, hi. Could you Put me through

To ed weinstein, Extension 351?

Oh, sounds like you’re Looking for man-chat.

Let me put You through.

Man-chat? No. No, no, No. I said weinstein.

Hey, this is buck. I’m hot and I’m hung.

Listen, I-I said I need to Speak with ed weinstein.

Yeah, I can be Ed weinstein.

Ed’s touching Himself right now.

Well, tell him to stop And come to the phone.

Oh, we’re going to Come on the phone...

All in good time. Excuse me?

Automated voice: Your free trial has ended.

To continue this call, Please press seven

And have your Credit card ready.

Just tell ed I called.

One, two, three, four!

Closed captioned by Stancon video

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh

♪ way-oh, way-oh-ho

Huh!

♪ way-oh, way-oh-oh

♪ way-oh-way