Original subtitles

Why are you standing?

I got a fuckin' pain in my back

that I'm starting to hope is a tumor.

Aw, again?

Maybe it's just kidney failure.

Yeah, but there's a shipment

of brand spanking new chairs supposed

to be coming in today.

Yeah, and I'm looking forward to some lumbar support.

Yeah, good luck getting one of those.

Partners care more about their chairs

than they do about their children.

Well I made a few calls,

used some of the old Claxton charm, yeah?

I'm feeling pretty good.

Good, I'm glad.

I, too, am feeling pretty good.

Ask me why.

I don't need your shit today, Caponelli.

There's a 12-hour "Star Wars" marathon at the Capitol

on Saturday and I'm not doing a stitch of work

for a whole day, baby.

I'm thinking it's a good time to break out

my Darth Vader outfit.

You wanna hear my Darth Vader impression?

Nope.

Skywalker,

I am your mother's cousin's neighbor's

best friend's father.

What do you think?

Terrible.

You sound like Sean Connery jerking off in slow motion.

Doofus.

Did you call me?

What do you want, Gilligan?

Robin's just about to do her presentation

on income trust for some of the lawyers.

- So? - So?

Well, Robin's not feeling very confident

about her presentation,

so I was wondering if you guys could come with me,

'cause she gets really abusive when she feels insecure.

Stu, where the hell are you?

Hide me, seriously.

He's in here!

♪ One, two, three, four

♪ All hail the working man

♪ He's got the world in his hand ♪

♪ Well, all hail the working man ♪

♪ The work is never done

♪ Way-Oh-Way-Oh

♪ I am the working man

♪ Through the night 'til the morning sun ♪

♪ But I am the working man

♪ The work is never done

♪ Way-Oh-Way-Oh

♪ Way-Ho, the working man

♪ Always there with a helping hand ♪

♪ Way-Ho, the working man

♪ The work is never done

♪ All hail the working man

♪ Another day, it's just rehashed ♪

♪ All hail the working man

♪ It's never frickin' done

Yeah, and then she was all like, that's not Boba Fett.

I mean I was like, I know Boba Fett.

You do, yes.

There she is.

Yeah, she's a killer lawyer.

But make her speak in front of more than five people?

Hey Stu, why don't you go say hi.

- No. - Yeah.

Go say hi

Stu!

I wanna talk to you when the stupid thing is over with.

Robin, come on.

You're smart, you're prepared.

Let me give you a piece of advice.

I'm fine Sam, I don't need any help.

Okay.

Motherfucker!

Hey, the new chairs are here.

New chairs, new chairs, new chairs.

New chairs, new chairs.

Oh nice.

God, these are so comfortable.

- Comfy. - Good.

Certainly wouldn't mind getting pushed

around the halls in one of these babies.

My chair's coming, okay?

I called and I checked.

It's coming.

All right people.

Robin Howland on income trust.

Okay, oh, crap.

Just, uh, talk amongst yourselves for a minute.

Corporations and their consultants have had

difficulty analyzing the ass...

The ass...

The ass...

Liquidity?

The ass, fuck!

I'm so sorry.

The asset.

Right, okay, all good.

Here we go.

And of course, the availability

of other investment opportunities to consider

and... and that's actually it.

Oh, oh.

Thank you.

Thank you Robin.

That was even worse than usual.

I know.

It was awesome.

Poor kid's gonna get lambasted in her peer evaluation.

I'll take care of our girl, don't you worry.

Well, it doesn't look like Robin's

going to stick around to take questions,

so let's take care of her peer evaluation right now.

Who wants to start?

Wow, wow, huh?

Robin really knows her income trust.

She was a bit nervous, but she really knows her stuff.

She did a great job.

Yeah, Robin did a great job.

Yeah, uh, Robin did a great job.

Clark, I want you to know, I consider myself blessed

to have witnessed your amazing powers of persuasion.

People are sheep, Sam.

Say pretty much anything with confidence,

they'll just go with it.

Oh my God.

You know what you just did in there?

You used the Jedi mind trick on all those people.

Clark, you're a Jedi Master.

Look, I'm not getting trapped

into one of your stupid nerd fantasies today.

I'm not in the mood.

You too, Jar Jar.

Teach me the ways of the force, Master.

Sam, Byron Kaplan has requested you specifically

for a deal he's working on.

Well done Sam, the managing partner.

The emperor himself.

Yes, Mr. Fagen, I understand this is your law firm,

but Mr. Lipschitz is entitled to a chair.

Hello?

Hello?

All righty then.

Maple Orchard.

This deal is being headed by Kaplan, starts pronto,

and the good news is you'll have to be in all weekend.

Uh, Cam, I'm gonna be honest with you,

I got a "Star Wars" marathon this weekend.

Pardon me?

People are sheep, Sam.

Say pretty much anything with confidence,

they'll just go with it.

You don't want me on this deal, Cam.

I'm already busy with the Deraxo IPO.

You can get another associate to handle this one.

Cam Belter.

Mr. Lipschitz, can you hold for just one second?

Ugh, fine, I forgot about Deraxo.

I'll get Kaplan somebody else.

Yes Mr. Lipschitz.

Yes, well, I suggest that you tell Mr. Fagen

to give the chair back to you.

- Hey Sam. - Yeah?

Have you seen any of the help

with the new office chairs?

No.

Hey, I just used the Jedi mind trick on Cam

and I got out of a shitload of work this weekend.

Do you ever stop being a geek?

You know something Clark?

"Star Wars" was the cultural phenomenon

of our youth and whether or not

that means anything to you, it's a part of who I am.

You know what the cultural phenomenon of my youth was?

- What's that? - This.

See you around.

You're a sad man.

Zoltan.

Hey, hey, hey.

No, no, no, you, you stay away from me. You crazy man.

You make me push you on dolly cart at Jamboree Barbecue.

I didn't make you push me.

They gave me probation for five months.

Listen, who's, uh, who's chair is this?

Why I should tell you this?

Don't make me tell Cam

who spilled bleach on her velvet bolero.

Okay.

I take to Clark Claxton.

Zoltan, you want me to deliver this chair to Clark.

You're busy enough as it is.

Why you talk like this?

You wanna leave this chair with me instead.

Okay, I leave chair with you instead.

Nice.

Well then I suggest you keep an eye on Mr. Fagen.

Oh, I gotta go.

Hey Cam, listen, I've uh, I've heard that you're looking

for an associate to put on Maple Orchard with Byron Kaplan.

Kaplan said he doesn't want you anywhere

near the deal, Robin.

Okay.

I know why he's saying that.

It's because of this incident when I was a first year

and he asked me to make a client presentation.

He said you swore at the CEO of Standard Bank.

Oh, I didn't swear at him.

I just swore.

I was nervous.

Well, judging by your presentation this morning,

you've maintained your X-rating.

Look Cam, how often does a corporate lawyer really

need to speak publicly, hm?

- Fair enough. - I would chew my leg off

to get a second chance with Kaplan.

He's a managing partner.

I can't afford to be in his doghouse.

All right Robin, no need to lose a limb.

I like you.

You're a hard worker.

Yeah.

Let me think about what I can do for you.

Yeah.

Cameron Belter.

Set her down behind the desk, R2.

May the force be with you, my child.

Stu, out, now.

So Darth Connery, what's up?

If you're referring to my new top of the line

462 Series Steelcase Leap Chair with live back

and natural glide system,

then I suppose the force has grown strong in me, Master.

Yeah, so, uh, that's my chair

and we both know it.

- Really? - Yeah.

Where does it say on it that it's your chair?

Whoa.

Ah yes, release your anger.

Strike me down

and then your journey to the dark side

will be complete, Miss Moneypenny.

Zoltan.

Zoltan, it's Sam.

I need you to come to my office right away.

Okay, sure.

Help me Zoltan, you're my only hope.

Help me Zoltan, you're my only hope.

Okay, thank you, yes, enough.

You're my only-

"Star Wars" dork.

Stu!

I thought you gave a great presentation today, Robin.

That was really some-

What?

Get in here.

What are you working on right now?

I'm really swamped, I...

What's this?

Product samples.

The entirety of the Maple Orchard line.

I want you to taste every single product

and have a report ready for me by the end of the day.

What, you can make me do that?

It's research, Stu.

It's gonna take all our efforts

to get me on this deal with Kaplan.

Cam!

Where's my goddam chair?

I'm afraid there was some looting

upstairs in the storage.

I'm gonna Kaplan.

Wow, that's got kick.

Uh, Mr. Kaplan, you remember Robin Howland?

Nice to see you again, sir.

Wish I could say the same Howland.

Uh, right.

Uh, Mr. Kaplan, I wanted to talk to you

about the Maple Orchard deal.

Uh, Mr. Kaplan, Robin's making excellent progress

with her public speaking.

She got a near perfect peer evaluation

on a presentation she did this morning.

Finally learning how to speak, huh?

Well, wonders never cease.

Mr. Kaplan, um, this young associate has proven herself

to be one of our brightest attorneys.

Give her a chance to plead her case

before you decide who you want on Maple Orchard.

Jesus H. Christ Cam, I'm not Mother Teresa.

I'm trying to run a fuckin' law firm.

All right, all right.

Howland, come to my office at five, don't be late.

So, you thought you could what,

just waltz into the "Star Wars" geek's office

and steal his chair?

Right.

You sent Zoltan to get the chair back.

Nicely done.

I had to, the future of the rebellion was at stake.

What is that?

Maple stick, Stu gave it to me.

I can't believe you're eating in the bathroom.

Were you raised on a farm?

As a matter of fact, I was.

In a small village on Tatooine.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Have a nice trip, Luke Skywanker.

I hate myself for it, but I need your professional advice.

Want me to show you how to make a White Russian?

Do you know Byron Kaplan requested you for Maple Orchard?

Yeah, but I have a "Star Wars" marathon this weekend.

Ugh, I want on that deal, Sam.

Kaplan's the managing partner

and I've been in his bad books for way too long.

I'm on my way to see him right now and I know he loves you.

So, tell me what to do.

You know, this is kinda like I'm Yoda

and you're Luke Skywalker

and we're in the Dagoba system and I'm training you

to be a Jedi-

Sam.

Okay, well first off,

you must unlearn everything you have learned.

That's my Yoda.

I will hurt you so badly.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Well, Robin, you're letting Daffy Duck

have too much power over you.

The guy's old school.

He likes brazenness in his attorneys.

I think he respects me because basically

I don't give a shit what people think of me.

Clearly.

It's a confidence game.

People are sheep.

You say pretty much anything with confidence

and they'll just go with it.

Also, my mom says it's always nice to bring a present.

One of the new chairs.

He has been yelling at Cam all day because-

Say no more. I was just keeping this one

because Clark was making fun of my passion for "Star Wars".

Wow.

Wow, thanks nerd.

Sam, can I offer you some fudge?

Uh, no, I'm good.

Hey, uh, what's with him?

Uh, sugar high.

How you feeling?

I'm good.

Where's the chair?

Where's my chair Cameron?

Fagen and Lipschitz have four apiece.

Well, if it isn't Helen Keller.

How's the talking coming along?

I, I overheard you saying

that you haven't received your new desk chair yet, so...

Wow, this meeting's getting off to a good start.

What's the big fuss about these new chairs, anyway?

Well, just see for yourself.

It's, it's got wheels and these, um, arm things

and oh, and this nice smooshy back.

Mr. Kaplan, there's something I need to say to you.

So what are you waiting for?

You're making a mistake

by not putting me on Maple Orchard.

You want an attorney who's hungry

and I'm telling you right now, you want me on this deal.

You know what?

I like your style, Howland.

Maybe I shouldn't have discounted you.

I was wrong.

Well, if it isn't Frick and Frack.

Whadda you want?

I was, we were just-

You're, you're busy and we're busy.

We're...

Everybody's busy.

We'll come back. - Okay.

So Robin, how much do you know about Maple Orchard?

Well...

Well, it was only a matter of time before you guys fatally

injured the managing partner.

Wow, you think they're gonna

be able to trace this back to you?

Who?

CSI, Fagen and Harrison?

Well, Mr. Kaplan is still unconscious,

but his vitals are good.

Aw, that's so good.

Obviously the Maple Orchard deal

will have to be headed by someone else.

I'm sorry Robin.

And another happy ending for Robin.

Robin, I finished that report you wanted.

I've eaten 30 different kinds of maple products.

Just a tad concerned about these chest pains

I've been having in my chest.

Paramedics are right over there, kid.

Think they have time to look at my back?

How come Princess Leia was like

the only girl in the entire universe?

Yeah, kinda like Smurfette.

Smurfette.

Who's the geek now?

Hey, take it easy. Caponelli.

Smurfs were a cultural phenomenon.

Zoltan bring in the chairs.

Okay, Zoltan, take the chairs out.

Okay, everybody wants big, move bastard chair!

Hmm.

In contemplation of yet another frivolous lawsuit,

my beautiful yet defective chairs

have been quarantined as evidence.

Well, you do it to yourself Clark, you know?

That's what really hurts.

Don't give into hate.

That'll only lead you to the dark side.

Ah!

Motherfucker.

That's unfortunate.

♪ One, two, three, four

♪ Way-Oh-Way-Oh

♪ Way-Oh-Way-Oh

♪ Way-Oh-Way