Original subtitles

Why would I be grinning if I was eating shit?

Look, shit-eating grin does not mean

that you're eating shit.

It means that you're watching somebody else eat shit,

and that's making you grin.

I'm watching somebody else eat shit?

Why would that make me grin?

Well, they're not actually eating shit.

Hey Robin, would it make you grin

if you saw somebody eating shit?

Another revolting conversation, I see.

No, see, they're eating shit figuratively.

Please stop.

I'm so not getting this.

Explain to me the context

in which a person eats shit figuratively.

Stu, shit-eating grin,

are you watching somebody eat shit

or are you eating the shit?

Uh, do I have a choice?

Stu, I need you to finish these summaries by Monday.

What?

But I'm already in all weekend

on the Dingus file.

Well then, I guess that sucks for you.

Nope, there look.

See? She's doing it right now.

Oh, I get it now. Shit-eating grin.

Oh, shit-eating grin.

Well, that, that's probably not terrorists.

Well, I don't do fire drills.

No, I, uh, I don't feel like going back to work yet.

Let's evacuate.

Can you now explain to me the thinking

behind shit out of luck?

♪ One, two, three four

♪ All hail the working man

♪ He's got the world in his hands ♪

♪ All hail the working man

♪ His work is never done

♪ Aye oh, aye oh

♪ I am the working man

♪ Through the night till the morning sun ♪

♪ I am the working man

♪ Whose work is never done

♪ Aye oh, aye oh

♪ Aye oh, aye

♪ Wait for the working man

♪ Always there with an open hand ♪

♪ Wait for the working man

♪ Whose work is never done

♪ All hail the working man

♪ Now his day has just begun

♪ All hail the working man

♪ Who's still not freaking done ♪

All right people, 32 minutes to get everyone

down into the parking garage.

At this rate, half of you would've been burnt to a crisp.

So, back up the way we came down via the stairs.

Hey kid, looks like Robin's car

has found a home in Big Shot Partner Tim's parking spot.

Yep. That little hayride's been going on for months.

Psst.

Hey, Sanjay.

They're removing all that crap

and it's going to free up three new parking spots

for Fagen employees.

Who's Sanjay?

Fagen's driver. So, three new parking spots, huh?

I sit here all day. I hear things.

You sit here all day with the exhaust fumes?

Keeps me high as a kite.

Parking spot is something I would love.

I deserve a parking spot.

What? Like I don't?

But forget it. They'll all go to the new partners.

Between you, and you, and me,

no one's making partner this year.

How do you know all this?

How do you know all this?

We're really not at liberty to discuss that.

The three new parking spots will be allocated

to deserving associates by the parking committee.

They won't go to new partners?

Just between you and me,

no one's making partner this year.

Who's on this parking committee?

I co-chair the committee with Tim O'Regan.

Here, fill out these parking request forms

and we'll throw you in the mix.

But, the spots will most likely be given out

based on seniority, so don't hold your breath.

I thought you were the chair of the student committee?

And the parking committee, and the summer party committee,

the winter party committee, the office art committee,

the mental health committee, and the bagel committee.

It's important to stay busy.

Did you even know we had a bagel committee?

I think I might be on the bagel committee.

Oh, could we get flavored cream cheeses?

Sam, are we even gonna bother

filling out these parking spot apps?

You're damn right we are.

We got as good a shot as anybody.

Sam, think about it.

One spot goes to Robin for sure

because she's banging Tim O'Regan.

Exactly. Which leaves two spots for us.

Won't it be great when we pull up in our cars?

"Morning Clark." "Morning Sam."

Hang on.

One's gotta be going to that morbidly obese woman

in commercial real estate.

She's been bitching for a spot for years.

Yeah, she's really fat.

Which means there's actually only one

new parking spot left.

You know how I feel about my parking spot.

Yeah, but, but Timmy, I was late

and you told me your car was in the shop.

That wasn't an invitation to use the spot.

I mean, there was your car in my parking spot

with three quarters of the firm down there.

Yeah, I know.

The managing partner and everything.

Oh, the humanity.

I want an apology, Robin.

And I want you to move your car.

Tim, I'm busy. And you're an idiot.

We're not compatible right now.

Clark, I need to talk to you

about something serious.

Are you breaking up with me?

Uh, no. This, uh, this parking thing.

It's, it's important to me.

I just want, wanted you to know that.

I'm really glad you told me. Yeah.

Is that your parking application?

No, no, no, no. What are you doing?

Let's see. Address?

Three, two, wait a second. You live across the street.

So?

You don't even have a car.

It wouldn't make any sense

without a place to park it, now, would it?

I'll buy a car soon as I have a spot.

I got your email Clark, great initiative.

You'll be chairing your first fire marshal's meeting

as soon as I get more volunteers.

What the hell is she talking about?

I never volunteered to be any fire marshal.

Pfft.

Oh, you dick.

We swore to each other we were done

with a ghost email as a weapon, okay?

It was off the board.

I just thought you'd look cute

in a little fire marshal vest.

I wonder if they'll give you that orange DayGlo hat too.

Oh, Clark,

get your parking app to me ASAP.

This new enthusiasm for fire safety at the firm

can only help your shot at getting a space.

Eh? Eh?

Hey, you, uh, you mind if I put you down

as a reference on this parking thing?

Didn't think so.

♪ Under the cover of night

Everything all right?

Fucking Tim.

Yeah, you've been doing that for what, four months now?

I parked my car in Tim's spot and he's going batshit

because he thinks now everyone knows we're having a thing.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Everybody already knew about that.

A few people.

Yeah, no, everybody.

Well, if I was having my midlife crisis

with a brilliant, young, beautiful associate,

I'd circulate a goddamn memo.

Awe.

What do you want, Sam?

Speaking of parking.

Here it comes.

Uh, there's three new spots

that have become available downstairs.

And I, uh, was wondering

if you could put in a good word for me with Tim,

seeing as he's co-chairing the parking committee.

There it is. Fine, whatever.

I'll do it, okay? Just go.

Yeah.

I just don't understand why I have to wear this uniform.

Stu, it's firm policy that the floor fire marshal

wear the hat and the vest.

Well, I thought that you were the floor fire marshal.

I am. And as your mentor, I'm delegating it to you.

I thought Sam was my mentor.

He is, but he pimped you out to me for a few hours.

He can do that?

Already on top of things, huh Claxton?

Oh, you got Stu involved. Good work.

Thanks.

All right Stu, let's, uh, let's you and I

get this place up to code, shall we?

You know what?

Why don't you go check out the fire extinguisher?

Okay. That one works.

It's cold.

Man, what am I gonna do

with the extra 40 minutes a day I'll be saving

by having a parking spot in the building?

Maybe I'll become a big brother. Yeah.

I've really enjoyed the time I've been spending

with Stu lately.

Oh my, we seem quite confident

about our parking prospects, don't we?

Your little volunteering me for fire marshal gag

backfired on you big time, Caponelli.

Maybe, but I wouldn't go renting an 8-year-old

just yet, Claxton.

I still got some Pez left in my dispenser.

Ooh, very mature.

What the fuck?

He's old.

He's starting to grow hair in his ears.

He's gonna die way before I do.

I mean, there's no future there.

Why wouldn't he want people to know about us?

I'm not gonna apologize to him. No way.

I mean, I, I know.

I know the whole dating within the firm thing

is frowned upon,

but, do you think I should move my car?

Quick question, Tim would trump Kim

if they went head to head on something, right?

Well, yeah. He's a partner and she's just a manager.

Nice.

Sam, let's go.

Oh, and the next time I'm pouring my heart out,

it'd be nice if you put away the car catalog.

I'm gonna get me a Hummer.

That sounds like fun.

But isn't she schtupping Tim upstairs?

You know, I'm becoming exceptionally skilled

at ending up in dysfunctional relationships.

Yeah, that sucks.

Speaking of which, have you made that call to O'Regan yet

about getting me, uh, a spot?

I don't mean to keep bringing it up,

but it's just that these things, they happen so fast.

Sam, does it honestly make sense

in that thick head of yours for me to call Tim,

tell him to give you a parking space

while he and I are having one of our worst fights ever?

Well, I work hard, Robin.

I've given my entire life to the law.

Wait a second. You guys aren't gonna like break up, are you?

I mean, now?

I don't know. Maybe.

Well, that's just crazy talk.

Okay. I, I'm late for a meeting.

Oh, and thanks for always making everything about you.

Can I help you?

Yes. I'm taking the uniform off.

I, I, I'm done with,

I, if you have nothing for me to do,

then I'd like to take the uniform off.

Stu, fire preparedness is a full-time job.

Well, I'm completely prepared if there's a fire.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Really? - Yes, sir.

Uh, hey, Zoltan, can you,

uh, can you come in here

for a sec? - Mr. Clark, yes.

Yes, uh, we're gonna see how prepared you are here.

We're gonna do a little fire safety role playing, okay?

Okay. All right.

Very important, yes.

Okay, who do I play?

You play yourself. You're Stu, the fire marshal.

Okay.

Okay, so let's say Zoltan, here, he's, um,

he's microwaving some falafel,

and his jumpsuit catches on fire, okay?

You wouldn't really microwave falafel.

It would get mushy.

Well, let's say you are, okay?

Okay. All right.

Bear with me.

So your suit's on fire. Stu, what do you do?

I'm burning.

I'm on fire. - You're burning, yes.

- My jumpsuit, oh my god. - What do you do?

I'm on fire. I am burning.

Help me. - Okay.

Well, I know what to do.

Stop, drop and roll.

No, no, not an option.

Too late. I'm burning.

No, it's stop, drop,

and roll. - He's on fire, Stu.

He's burning up - It's getting worse

and worse, flames! - before our eyes.

I'm burning, please.

I am burning flames.

Fire is everywhere, all around me.

Help me! Please help.

Please, what are you doing? What is this?

What are you touching?

I was, I was smothering the flames.

That's good. That's good, Stu.

Now, now you're both on fire

and my jacket's covered in tahini.

And I cannot see, and I'm burning from the flames.

My heat is all over.

Look at this, my skin is bubbling.

Tiny man, I'm burning and... - Okay.

Well done. Stu.

You, you passed. Flying colors.

Why don't you, uh, go get a mop?

I have an engineering degree.

Quick question.

Did Sam approach you about getting Tim

to recommend him for a parking spot?

Because I'd like to remind you that Sam doesn't have a car.

What the hell is Tim talking about?

I'm sorry?

Tim, we were having this fight

because I parked my car in his spot

and now I get this reply email saying he accepts my apology.

Only, I never sent him an apology.

This has Caponelli's DNA all over it.

But we swore to each other

we were done with the ghost email as a weapon.

It's off the board.

I thought so too

until I volunteered to be fire marshal.

Oh, oh. That little-

Robin Howland.

Yes. All we need is the assignment agreement.

Are you finished?

Parking break.

Well, I concede to the better man.

And so you should. What are we talking about?

I just came from Robin's office.

She told me she's endorsing you

with O'Regan for the parking spot.

Really? How about that?

Yeah, and then she told me

that she was having some fight with Tim,

but then apparently he apologized to her out of the blue

and now they're all icky, sticky again.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Wait a minute, Hannibal,

did you have something to do with that?

Ah, Clark, you try and you try,

but I'm always five or six steps ahead of you.

Well, they're, they're back together again

and Robin is over the moon,

so hat's off to you, whatever you did.

You know something Clark?

You're a good loser.

But I don't like hanging around with losers,

so I'm gonna go lap up some praise from my friend Robin.

If you'll excuse me.

Fuck you.

No, fuck you.

Right, right. Okay, great.

I'll talk to you later.

Oh, that'd be great.

Thanks. I'll talk to you later.

So, I hear you and Tim are all lovey-dovey again?

You crossed the line this time, Caponelli.

How dare you go onto my computer, pretend to be me,

respond to my email from my boyfriend

about something that's my business?

Oh, oh, but Clark-

We swore to each other we were done

with the ghost email as a weapon.

Yeah, I know it was off the board.

Oh my God. Is everything okay in here?

Are you retarded, Sam?

I mean, seriously, is, is there something

actually wrong with your brain?

Because I was thinking maybe you have

some kind of rare, late-onset autism.

That's a weird thing to say to a person.

What? Oh, hi Tim.

Yeah, no, what happened was...

Oh, mm-hm.

Well I, uh.

I, I, I think I probably said it all in my email, handsome.

Well, I'd love my own parking spot. That sounds amazing.

Oh, Timmy.

Okay, I'll see you tonight.

No need to thank me, Robin.

I should be mad at you. But, I'm not.

Just stay outta my office when I'm not here.

And now that I think about it, when I am here.

Well.

So you're still gonna recommend him

for the spot after that?

That's what I'm hearing.

Oh, uh, Sam, I almost forgot.

Sanjay was looking for you.

He said he left Robin's car on P3 North,

and he's really sorry about the dent

in the driver's side door.

Uh, dent?

Sorry.

28 minutes. Better, but still very bad.

Most of you have died a horrible, fiery death.

Okay, everybody, back up the stairs we go.

One more time.

These lines are a little faded, I think

I'll get 'em touched up.

Whoa, what is this?

Hey, Sanjay, nice wheels.

It's a gas guzzler and it will burn a hole in the ozone

the size of my prostate.

Um, who's car is that?

It's Mr. Fagen's new Hummer.

Takes up two spaces.

So now, I guess only two new spots.

Since those are going to Robin

and the fat broad in real estate,

looks like you guys are shit out of luck, hey?

If you're gonna go, you gotta go big.

♪ Under the cover of night

♪ She crawls into sight

Further, further.

A little more.

♪ The light exposes the cracks

♪ She wears her makeup like wax ♪

♪ Ooh, to hide every scratch

♪ 'Cause she's a dark angel riding dark horses ♪

♪ Sitting pretty in her dim lit corners ♪

♪ Ooh

♪ I say black cars

♪ Black cars

♪ Look better in the shade

♪ Black cars