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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,357 --> 00:00:33,357 Episode 9x14 "Bloody Mary" 2 00:00:35,647 --> 00:00:36,245 Ichi! 3 00:00:36,246 --> 00:00:37,063 Ichi! 4 00:00:37,132 --> 00:00:37,903 Ichi! 5 00:00:37,903 --> 00:00:38,582 Ichi! 6 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,239 Ichi! 7 00:00:39,296 --> 00:00:39,964 Ichi! 8 00:00:40,033 --> 00:00:41,426 Ichi banzai! 9 00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:42,312 Ichi! 10 00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,315 Ichi banzai! Kya! 11 00:00:44,390 --> 00:00:46,632 Karutamane-san! What are you dwing?! 12 00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:48,503 I'm doing some sweet banzai moves. 13 00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:50,607 I'm a little better than everyone else here. 14 00:00:50,665 --> 00:00:54,469 Eriku-san, you must follow direction! You raku disciprine! 15 00:00:54,495 --> 00:00:56,714 Nah-uh, I don't raku disciprine! 16 00:00:57,188 --> 00:01:00,831 Mina-san! You all needu more disciprine! 17 00:01:00,874 --> 00:01:04,206 True disciprine... come from within. 18 00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:07,427 We are out of time. I will see you on Tuesday. 19 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,384 Dude, we've gotta hurry home! The final episode of Lost is on soon. 20 00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:13,298 Yeah, let's go. 21 00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,074 Wait. Where's my Dad? 22 00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,535 He knew he had to take us all home, too, right? 23 00:01:17,564 --> 00:01:18,399 Yeah. 24 00:01:19,752 --> 00:01:21,958 Dad? Where the hell could he have gone? 25 00:01:21,993 --> 00:01:23,447 Oh hey, sorry boys. 26 00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:24,502 Later Randy. 27 00:01:24,546 --> 00:01:25,797 Heey, see you Nelson. 28 00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:26,862 Dad, weren't you watching? 29 00:01:26,891 --> 00:01:30,593 Well, I ran into Nelson from work. We were at the bar watching the game. 30 00:01:30,607 --> 00:01:32,985 Two-dollar margaritas! It was great. 31 00:01:32,986 --> 00:01:34,930 All right, come on, I'll drive you guys home. 32 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,452 Are you sure you're all right? 33 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,034 Oh yeah, I'll be fine. I got some beers to keep my buzz going. 34 00:01:45,597 --> 00:01:48,489 Dad, aren't you supposed to like, not drink and drive? 35 00:01:48,681 --> 00:01:52,647 I'm not drinking and driving, I'm driving while I'm drinking. Right, boys? 36 00:01:53,131 --> 00:01:54,412 Sure, whatever dude. 37 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,189 Oh I gotta pee. Hand me that empty bottle, Stan. 38 00:01:57,224 --> 00:01:58,444 Why not just pull over? 39 00:01:58,479 --> 00:02:01,949 Stan, you need to learn some things about being a man! Now give me that bottle! 40 00:02:04,121 --> 00:02:08,395 There's a reason why God made our penises like little hoses, boys. 41 00:02:08,438 --> 00:02:09,956 Hold the wheel, Stan. 42 00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:13,222 When you boys start driving, you're gonna need to learn to do this too. Woahp! 43 00:02:13,610 --> 00:02:14,719 Dad, we're gonna crash! 44 00:02:14,754 --> 00:02:17,858 Shh! Trying to concentrate! Just hold the damn wheel! 45 00:02:18,515 --> 00:02:20,300 Dude, I think you're being followed. 46 00:02:20,486 --> 00:02:23,377 Oh yeah? Get off my ass, dickhole! 47 00:02:23,412 --> 00:02:25,005 No, dude, it's the police. 48 00:02:26,141 --> 00:02:27,264 Aww crap! 49 00:02:29,254 --> 00:02:30,487 Here, hold this! 50 00:02:30,952 --> 00:02:32,247 Aww, it's all warm! 51 00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:34,865 Everybody just stay calm! I can handle this, no problem. 52 00:02:34,894 --> 00:02:36,649 I know how to deal. 53 00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:40,832 License and registration, please. 54 00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,681 What seems to be the officer, problem? 55 00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:47,822 Sir, why don't you step out of the car for me? 56 00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:48,926 Okay. 57 00:02:51,498 --> 00:02:53,613 Sir, I'm going to give you a sobriety test. 58 00:02:53,627 --> 00:02:55,440 Okay, no problem. Easy. 59 00:02:55,454 --> 00:02:57,668 Stand over here, please? Right there. 60 00:02:57,669 --> 00:03:00,462 All right, now I want you to hold your arms out at your sides... 61 00:03:02,721 --> 00:03:05,472 There! I did it, see?! No problem! 62 00:03:05,530 --> 00:03:07,891 And now touch your finger to your nose. 63 00:03:08,019 --> 00:03:09,113 Do what? 64 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,372 Touch your finger to your nose. 65 00:03:11,873 --> 00:03:13,786 Wull come on, that's impossible! 66 00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:16,870 Just bring one hand to your nose, like this. 67 00:03:17,041 --> 00:03:17,718 Okay... 68 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:19,325 Okay, hang on... 69 00:03:22,399 --> 00:03:24,291 Okay, hang, ha- ...hang on... 70 00:03:24,521 --> 00:03:27,000 Hol-! Hold on. Wa-hang on, hang on. 71 00:03:27,902 --> 00:03:29,068 Dude, what the hell is he doing? 72 00:03:29,096 --> 00:03:30,938 I think his pants are falling down. 73 00:03:31,399 --> 00:03:34,159 What? What did I do?! What did I do?! 74 00:03:38,295 --> 00:03:41,647 Keep blowing. Keep blowing. Keep blowing. 75 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,353 Aw Jesus! 76 00:03:45,544 --> 00:03:47,547 This is sooo embarrassing. 77 00:03:47,590 --> 00:03:51,184 You know, Stan, I'd say your dad racksa disciprine! 78 00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,415 You know, I didn't even get home until 2:30. 79 00:03:57,450 --> 00:03:59,141 Man, that was such a bummer. 80 00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:02,865 Look, guys, about last night, can you just be quiet about it? 81 00:04:03,369 --> 00:04:04,188 Why? 82 00:04:04,553 --> 00:04:06,448 Because, I don't want everyone knowing, okay? 83 00:04:06,491 --> 00:04:07,944 Could we please just keep this to ourselves? 84 00:04:07,988 --> 00:04:09,340 All right, Stan. Sure. 85 00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,356 Okay children, let's take our seats. 86 00:04:13,352 --> 00:04:16,578 Today we will be continuing our study of economics. 87 00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:20,245 But first, we're going to hear from a motivational speaker. 88 00:04:20,246 --> 00:04:25,113 The state has sent over somebody to talk to you all about the dangers of drunk driving. 89 00:04:25,142 --> 00:04:27,436 Please welcome Stan's dad. 90 00:04:28,722 --> 00:04:30,258 Oh Jesus. 91 00:04:30,926 --> 00:04:35,770 Well uh, I'm, s'posed to tell you kids about how bad drinking is, um... 92 00:04:35,914 --> 00:04:39,960 I'd-did a little drinking and driving. As part of my punishement I'm... 93 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:43,192 doing community service work at schools like these. 94 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,754 Oh that's very interesting, isn't it, kids? 95 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:52,306 Uh, you you shouldn't drink, because it leads tuuuh bad things. 96 00:04:52,435 --> 00:04:55,888 I was in jail for the night and well I guess I dunno, I... 97 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,586 Just don't drink but,... 98 00:04:57,946 --> 00:05:01,008 if you must drink, d-definitely don't drive. 99 00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:04,880 I've... definitely learned that firsthand, and uh, uuh, that's all, I guess. 100 00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:08,401 Well, I think we've all learned an important lesson, haven't we, class? 101 00:05:08,472 --> 00:05:10,645 If you don't make the right choices in life 102 00:05:10,645 --> 00:05:14,683 you could end up being a big loser like Stan's dad. 103 00:05:16,189 --> 00:05:21,282 Drinking and driving is for idiots. Nobody wants to end up like Stan's dad, do they? 104 00:05:21,326 --> 00:05:24,914 I want you all to take a good look at Stan's dad and say: 105 00:05:24,915 --> 00:05:27,987 "Is that who I want to be in thirty years?" 106 00:05:28,438 --> 00:05:31,546 Getting tickets and having to go to elementary school classrooms 107 00:05:31,546 --> 00:05:33,546 and talk about how pathetic I am? 108 00:05:33,546 --> 00:05:36,104 Thank you Mr. Marsh, I think you made your point. 109 00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,027 Hello again everyone. 110 00:05:40,027 --> 00:05:43,509 My name is Michael and I'm an alcaholic. 111 00:05:43,538 --> 00:05:45,063 Hi, Michael. 112 00:05:45,962 --> 00:05:50,696 As most of you know I once lost my job and my family because of my drinking. 113 00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:54,142 But with the help of AA I've been sober for ten years now. 114 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,456 Anyone have anything they wanna tell the groups, for starters? 115 00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:01,544 My name's Bill, and Im an alcoholic. 116 00:06:01,573 --> 00:06:04,336 Hi Bill. - Hi Bill. 117 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:08,042 I've been using the 12-step program for about two months now and 118 00:06:08,043 --> 00:06:10,027 and I'm really turning my life around. 119 00:06:10,027 --> 00:06:14,085 No more blowing guys on Colfax Avenue for a pint of vodka for this cowboy! 120 00:06:15,969 --> 00:06:20,689 That's great. And I understand this is somebody's first AA meeting, is that right? 121 00:06:21,696 --> 00:06:24,545 Yes, you sir. Stand on up and introduce yourself. 122 00:06:24,646 --> 00:06:30,734 Um, my name's Randy and... I just, really like beer. 123 00:06:32,137 --> 00:06:33,863 You have to admit you're an alcoholic. 124 00:06:33,892 --> 00:06:38,165 But, I don't knnow if I'm really an alcoholic. 125 00:06:38,558 --> 00:06:40,256 Then why are you here? 126 00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:46,149 Because I got a DUI and so I'm required to attend AA meetings for two weeks. 127 00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:49,989 I was stupid one night and drank too much and then drove a car. 128 00:06:50,017 --> 00:06:52,643 That was dumb and I'm not gonna do it again. 129 00:06:52,688 --> 00:06:56,101 Randy, you are powerless to make that decision. 130 00:06:56,145 --> 00:06:59,166 The only thing that works is the 12-step program. 131 00:06:59,281 --> 00:07:03,605 Step 1 is admitting that you are powerless to control your drinking. 132 00:07:03,677 --> 00:07:06,843 Only then can you move on to the other 12 steps, like... 133 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:10,138 believing that only a higher power, God, makes you stop drinking. 134 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,605 And then, turning your life over to that God. 135 00:07:12,605 --> 00:07:15,094 Humbly asking God to remove your weaknesses. 136 00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:17,022 What wait wait, hold on. 137 00:07:17,066 --> 00:07:20,835 I never knew that Alcoholics Anonymous was a religious thing. 138 00:07:21,238 --> 00:07:22,548 Well it's not religious. 139 00:07:22,548 --> 00:07:25,835 You just have to admit that there is some kind of god which has power over you 140 00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:28,381 and turn your life over to that god and ask him for forgiveness. 141 00:07:28,425 --> 00:07:30,741 That's the 12-step program, not religion. 142 00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:34,244 Look, I really just need to cut down on my drinking 143 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,830 and never drive the car drunk again. 144 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,762 You just can't cut down on your drinking, Randy. 145 00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:41,533 You need to know something. 146 00:07:41,873 --> 00:07:43,757 You have a disease. 147 00:07:44,273 --> 00:07:46,675 Uh... a disease? 148 00:07:46,747 --> 00:07:50,093 That's right. Alcoholism is a disease. 149 00:07:50,146 --> 00:07:52,793 You're sick, Randy. You're very very sick. 150 00:07:52,822 --> 00:07:56,808 And just like with most diseases, you can't cure it yourself. 151 00:07:56,923 --> 00:07:58,333 And it's deadly. 152 00:07:59,326 --> 00:08:01,028 Oh my God... 153 00:08:06,742 --> 00:08:08,623 Dad! What the hell are you doing?! 154 00:08:08,699 --> 00:08:09,821 Hello, Stan. 155 00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:11,259 Dad, it's the middle of the day! 156 00:08:11,287 --> 00:08:13,086 I thought you weren't going to drink as much anymore! 157 00:08:13,115 --> 00:08:17,043 No, Stan, you don't understand. I have a disease. 158 00:08:17,273 --> 00:08:18,985 Daddy's very sick. 159 00:08:19,201 --> 00:08:21,259 What? Did you go to your AA meeting?! 160 00:08:21,302 --> 00:08:23,353 Yes, they're the ones that told me. 161 00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:27,799 I thought I could just quite drinking on my own, but... it's an illness, son. 162 00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:31,584 I have to admit that I'm powerless to this terrible disease. 163 00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:36,277 Dad, you've had enough! Just stop now! 164 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:37,744 I can't! I'm sick! 165 00:08:42,206 --> 00:08:45,878 It's not fair! Why did you give me this disease?! 166 00:08:54,079 --> 00:08:57,285 Stan! Stan! 167 00:08:58,186 --> 00:08:59,279 Stan. 168 00:08:59,466 --> 00:09:00,833 Aw Goddamnit! 169 00:09:00,868 --> 00:09:02,875 Stan I... need your help. 170 00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,976 Dad, what are you doing in Grandpa's extra wheelchair?! 171 00:09:05,013 --> 00:09:09,493 Gotta try to take it easy from now on, son. Get Daddy another beer, will ya? 172 00:09:09,528 --> 00:09:11,350 No! You don't need another beer! 173 00:09:11,393 --> 00:09:12,594 I know that! 174 00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:16,870 But this disease is just eating me up! I hate my illness! 175 00:09:16,905 --> 00:09:20,220 Dad, you just need to not drink so much. It's very simple. 176 00:09:20,264 --> 00:09:22,273 I wish it was that simple, son. 177 00:09:22,422 --> 00:09:27,140 But if I don't give myself up to a higher power, this disease is going to kill me dead. 178 00:09:27,184 --> 00:09:31,658 I'm afraid the only thing that will cure me... is a miracle. 179 00:09:58,662 --> 00:10:02,654 Es un milagro. Es un milagro! 180 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,581 Tom, I'm standing in the garden of St. Peter's church in Bailey. 181 00:10:08,582 --> 00:10:11,985 Where what some call a miracle is taking place. 182 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:17,454 The statue of the Virgin Mary has started to bleed. Out its ass. 183 00:10:18,087 --> 00:10:21,207 The phenomenon was first seen by Father Harold Barnes. 184 00:10:21,265 --> 00:10:25,071 Who saw the blood coming from the Virgin Mary's ass late last night. 185 00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:30,486 People from all over the state have flocked here to the church to witness the apparent mriacle firsthand. 186 00:10:30,536 --> 00:10:32,924 Well, we just heard that this miracle was happening 187 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:36,067 and we wanted to see it for ourselves and come and pray. 188 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:39,195 Why do you believe the Virgin Mary is dripping blood? 189 00:10:39,252 --> 00:10:43,914 Well it may represent her sorrow over all the bad things going on in the world. 190 00:10:44,116 --> 00:10:48,209 Why do you believe the Virgin Mary is dripping blood out her ass? 191 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,072 As news of the miracle spreads, hundreds are expected to show up here at the church 192 00:10:54,072 --> 00:10:57,868 hoping to witness the miracle and even cure their diseases. 193 00:10:59,102 --> 00:11:03,131 Cure... cure disease. STAN! 194 00:11:07,572 --> 00:11:09,889 My name is Harry and I'm an alcoholic. 195 00:11:09,917 --> 00:11:11,263 Hi Harry. 196 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:15,564 I've been sober now for five years and I've learned that drinking ice tea 197 00:11:15,565 --> 00:11:18,583 and getting more involved with my relationship with God is 198 00:11:18,584 --> 00:11:20,407 is way more fun than partying. 199 00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:22,152 It it sure is. 200 00:11:22,187 --> 00:11:26,078 Once I accepted that I was powerless to control my drinking and my life. 201 00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:30,794 I put it in God's hands and now, these meeting are the most fun thing I do. 202 00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:32,650 Yeah. 203 00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:36,377 Ah, excuse me, who's in charge here? 204 00:11:36,449 --> 00:11:39,169 None of us are in charge. We're all powerless. 205 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,370 We sure are. That's right. Uh huh. 206 00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:43,241 Uh, look, my dad was here yesterday and 207 00:11:43,241 --> 00:11:46,444 you all kind of messed him up by telling him he had a disease? 208 00:11:47,297 --> 00:11:49,004 Alcoholism is a disease. 209 00:11:49,326 --> 00:11:50,837 No it, it's not. 210 00:11:50,837 --> 00:11:54,016 And, y-you can't just go around saying stuff like that to people like my dad. 211 00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:55,742 He He's kind of, a hypochondriac . 212 00:11:55,771 --> 00:12:00,591 It is a disease because it's a physical dependency. That makes it a disease. 213 00:12:00,634 --> 00:12:04,088 No, cancer is a disease. My dad needs to drink less. 214 00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:06,658 He can't quit by himself. None of us could. 215 00:12:06,716 --> 00:12:09,738 He needs divine intervention. Spirituality. 216 00:12:09,766 --> 00:12:11,939 No, he just needs adisciprine. 217 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:15,968 But thanks to you people, my dad now thinks he has a disease that he can't cure himself. 218 00:12:15,997 --> 00:12:19,162 Young man, do you know anything about the 12-Step Program? 219 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,265 Yeah, and I also know a thing or two about cults. 220 00:12:21,265 --> 00:12:23,263 I was the leader of one for a while. 221 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,689 Goddamnit! 222 00:12:27,269 --> 00:12:29,514 The crowd grows larger every hour. 223 00:12:29,514 --> 00:12:34,457 As the statue of the Virgin Mary continues to miraculously cry blood... 224 00:12:34,457 --> 00:12:36,089 out her ass. 225 00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:39,493 A Cardinal, Mallory, has been sent by the Vatican 226 00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:42,909 to determine whether this is a true miracle or not. 227 00:12:46,357 --> 00:12:48,266 Right this way, Cardinal. 228 00:12:49,552 --> 00:12:53,496 The blood always comes from the same area. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. 229 00:13:20,497 --> 00:13:21,976 It's a miracle! 230 00:13:31,136 --> 00:13:32,977 Uh, kay, here we go. 231 00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:35,237 Dad?! Dad, what are you doing?! 232 00:13:35,266 --> 00:13:37,266 I gotta drive to Bailey. 233 00:13:37,641 --> 00:13:39,859 Dad, you're drunk! You're not driving a car! 234 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:43,442 No, Stan, you don't understand. There's a church in Bailey. 235 00:13:43,471 --> 00:13:46,923 The statue of the Vergin Mary is bleeding out her ass. 236 00:13:48,283 --> 00:13:48,959 What? 237 00:13:48,988 --> 00:13:52,293 They say her divine ass blood has miraculous healing power. 238 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,497 She can cure my alcoholism! I'll be back soon! 239 00:13:55,554 --> 00:13:58,677 Dad, you can't drive! Your license is suspended, remember?! 240 00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,709 If you get pulled over again, you're gonna go to jail for ten years! 241 00:14:03,183 --> 00:14:06,197 Alright... then you drive! 242 00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:08,176 I'm eight! 243 00:14:08,219 --> 00:14:12,817 This is my only hope, Stan! Either you drive this car or I will! 244 00:14:15,738 --> 00:14:17,386 I sure hope this works. 245 00:14:17,666 --> 00:14:19,680 No. No, it will work! 246 00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,984 I have to put my faith in a higher power. 247 00:14:22,079 --> 00:14:24,146 I have to believe that this will work! 248 00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:26,612 There! There's the church! Stop right here, Stan! 249 00:14:26,656 --> 00:14:27,620 Where. I can't see. 250 00:14:27,648 --> 00:14:29,792 Right here is good! Brake pedal! Left pedal! 251 00:14:31,587 --> 00:14:33,761 Alright, get my wheelchair out of the back. 252 00:14:35,213 --> 00:14:36,824 Is that the line? 253 00:14:37,414 --> 00:14:38,838 Oh God! 254 00:14:40,378 --> 00:14:42,856 Is this whole line people waiting to be cured? 255 00:14:42,885 --> 00:14:46,009 Yeah. I wa diagnosed with brain cancer two months ago. 256 00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:48,003 I feel like this is my only hope. 257 00:14:48,124 --> 00:14:51,580 I know exactly how you feel. I've got alcoholism. 258 00:14:51,615 --> 00:14:52,906 Oh my God... 259 00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:55,864 Wait a minute. Stan, isn't that Josh Garrett up there? 260 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,993 He's from South Park. Maybe he'll let us in line with him. 261 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,260 Dad, let's just wait our turn. 262 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:02,076 I could die waiting in this line, Stan. Come on, let's go! 263 00:15:04,119 --> 00:15:06,291 Heeey heh, Josh Garrett. How yo doin'? 264 00:15:06,335 --> 00:15:08,335 Oh, hey Randy. What happened to you? 265 00:15:08,378 --> 00:15:12,173 I've got a disease: Alcoholism. It's pretty serious. You? 266 00:15:12,288 --> 00:15:14,432 My daughter has elephantitis. 267 00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,412 We are the same, she and I. 268 00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:22,951 Eey, what do you think you're doin', kid? 269 00:15:22,995 --> 00:15:24,764 You're trying to cut in line! 270 00:15:24,822 --> 00:15:26,333 I just, my dad was- 271 00:15:26,347 --> 00:15:29,293 You're a butter! You're a dirty linecutter! 272 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,066 Praise Jesus. 273 00:15:43,435 --> 00:15:47,309 This is taking too long! I'm gonna run out of beer! Stan! 274 00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:48,000 What?! 275 00:15:48,058 --> 00:15:49,396 You see that guy up there? 276 00:15:49,425 --> 00:15:51,151 I think he has a kidney disease. 277 00:15:51,194 --> 00:15:53,784 Every couple of minutes he gets out of line to go to the bathroom. 278 00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:55,945 When he leaves next, let's take his place. 279 00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:57,570 No, Dad, people will see! 280 00:15:57,605 --> 00:16:01,456 The guy behind him is blind! There he goes! C'mon! C'mon! Go go go! 281 00:16:05,524 --> 00:16:08,244 Hey. I smell a butter. 282 00:16:08,316 --> 00:16:10,301 He did, that kid just cut in line! 283 00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:11,814 Back o'the line, butter! 284 00:16:11,849 --> 00:16:13,268 I'm going to die! 285 00:16:13,297 --> 00:16:14,534 Dad, we're going back! 286 00:16:14,549 --> 00:16:17,303 What's goin' on here? - This kid's cutting in line! 287 00:16:17,338 --> 00:16:19,586 Please, officer, you have to understand. 288 00:16:19,658 --> 00:16:21,787 I need a miracle way more than these people. 289 00:16:21,859 --> 00:16:24,935 I'm an alcoholic and I'm powerless over it. 290 00:16:25,848 --> 00:16:28,453 I understand. My brother's an alcoholic. 291 00:16:28,496 --> 00:16:30,122 Here, let me push you to the front of the line. 292 00:16:30,151 --> 00:16:32,739 Oh bless you, sir! Bless you! 293 00:16:33,306 --> 00:16:36,801 'Scuse me, out of the way, alcoholic coming through! 294 00:16:40,826 --> 00:16:42,984 She's... beautiful. 295 00:16:58,023 --> 00:17:01,318 I'm... not... going... to drink this. 296 00:17:01,376 --> 00:17:06,054 I'm not going to drink this! It's a miracle! I'm cured! 297 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,532 Praise Jesus! Praise Mary the Blessed Vergin Mother! 298 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,013 Thank you! Thank you God! 299 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,993 Good morning, family. The Lord has truly blessed us with another beautiful day. 300 00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:30,857 It's just amazing. I haven't had a drink in five days. Praise Christ. 301 00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:32,062 Praise him. 302 00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:34,052 Praise Christ. - Praise Christ. 303 00:17:34,685 --> 00:17:37,807 I've got another AA meeting today and guess where it's gonna be, Stan 304 00:17:37,879 --> 00:17:40,329 At Whistlin' Willy's Pizza, so you can come with me. 305 00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:43,193 Naw, Dad, all the guys are going to Kyle's house to watch the Bronco game. 306 00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,905 Kenny and Kyle's Dads were hoping you'd come. 307 00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:47,861 Stan, those people drink. I have new friends now. 308 00:17:47,904 --> 00:17:51,184 My AA friends, who have faith in a higher power. 309 00:17:53,877 --> 00:17:55,541 Yeah, all right, woohoo! 310 00:17:55,576 --> 00:17:59,169 Boy this lemonade is great! Who knew how fun being sober could be?! 311 00:17:59,198 --> 00:18:01,078 Yeah! That's right! Right! 312 00:18:01,841 --> 00:18:03,827 Your dad doesn't drink either? 313 00:18:03,841 --> 00:18:05,438 No, my dad doesn't drink. 314 00:18:05,841 --> 00:18:07,668 Does that mean we're friends? 315 00:18:08,517 --> 00:18:10,877 'Scuse me, I I'd like to address the group if I may. 316 00:18:10,891 --> 00:18:12,490 Sure Randy, go ahead. 317 00:18:13,037 --> 00:18:14,778 I'm Randy and I'm an alcoholic. 318 00:18:14,807 --> 00:18:16,175 Hi Randy. 319 00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:20,880 But I put my faith in a higher power and I haven't had a drink for five days now! 320 00:18:24,128 --> 00:18:27,178 An update from the bleeding Virgin Mary statue! 321 00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:29,337 Oh wait. Sh sh. Hold on a second, gang. 322 00:18:29,351 --> 00:18:33,406 Earlier today, the new pope, Pope Benedict the 16th himself 323 00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:37,507 visited the statue here in Bailey to witness the miracle firsthand. 324 00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,708 It was an amazing sight to behold 325 00:18:39,708 --> 00:18:42,255 as Pope Benedict made his way through the throngs of people. 326 00:18:42,298 --> 00:18:44,061 Right this way, Your Holiness. 327 00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:47,060 The pope then examined the statue closely. 328 00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:09,355 After witnessing the phenomenon firsthand, the pope then cleaned himself off 329 00:19:09,355 --> 00:19:15,143 and then declared that the bleeding Virgin Mary statue is not a miracle! 330 00:19:16,035 --> 00:19:16,639 What? 331 00:19:16,682 --> 00:19:18,423 Having investigated closely. 332 00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:22,064 The pope determined that the blood was not coming from the Virgin Mary's ass. 333 00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:24,135 But rather, from her vagina. 334 00:19:24,135 --> 00:19:25,632 And the pope said quote: 335 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:28,610 "A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle." 336 00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:31,554 "Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time." 337 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,644 Back to you, Tom. 338 00:19:33,744 --> 00:19:35,701 Thanks, Edward. That's a very shocking report... 339 00:19:35,802 --> 00:19:37,874 That means... I'm not cured. 340 00:19:38,306 --> 00:19:39,903 I still have the disease! 341 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,380 Bartender! I need a drink! 342 00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,970 Three shots of McAllen, two small bottles of vodka 343 00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:47,905 three bottles of beer and some Jell-O shooters! Come on! Let's go! 344 00:19:47,949 --> 00:19:49,344 Randy, uh what are you doing? 345 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:53,910 You heard what he said! The higher power didn't cure me! I'm powerless again! 346 00:19:54,428 --> 00:19:56,212 I'm, I'm, I'm powerless too! 347 00:19:56,332 --> 00:19:57,320 Yeah me too! 348 00:19:57,536 --> 00:19:59,003 Get me seven martini's! 349 00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:00,357 Jack and Coke! 350 00:20:01,248 --> 00:20:03,151 Dad, Dad, Stop! 351 00:20:04,129 --> 00:20:06,302 I'm sorry, son! I'm off the wagon! 352 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,333 Dad, you don't have to do this! 353 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,261 You have the power. You haven't drank since seeing the statue. 354 00:20:12,717 --> 00:20:14,904 But the statue wasn't a miracle! 355 00:20:15,163 --> 00:20:18,756 Yeah. The statue wasn't a miracle, Dad. So that means you did it. 356 00:20:18,889 --> 00:20:22,362 That means you didn't have a drink for five days all on your own. 357 00:20:25,909 --> 00:20:30,871 You're right, Stan. If God didn't make me stop drinking then... I did. 358 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:35,588 Maybe... Maybe I can force myself to never drink again. 359 00:20:36,049 --> 00:20:38,063 No! - No? 360 00:20:38,192 --> 00:20:41,951 Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. 361 00:20:41,980 --> 00:20:45,221 If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like 362 00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:48,914 then that thing still controls your life and you've never learned any discipline at all. 363 00:20:49,408 --> 00:20:53,585 But, maybe... I'm just the kind of person who needs to have it all or nothing. 364 00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,671 Naw. All or nothing is easy. 365 00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:59,532 But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly, that'sa disciprine. 366 00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:02,344 Disciprine... come from within. 367 00:21:06,824 --> 00:21:09,897 How did I manage to raise such a smart kid? 368 00:21:10,631 --> 00:21:12,281 I've had a great teacher. 369 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,016 Thanks son. 370 00:21:14,504 --> 00:21:16,866 No not you, my karate teacher. He's really smart. 371 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,116 Oh. Well, tell you what 372 00:21:19,117 --> 00:21:21,934 let's leave the car here, walk home and watch the game. 373 00:21:21,992 --> 00:21:23,460 Like to have another beer or two. 374 00:21:23,517 --> 00:21:25,863 All right! - Come on! 375 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,067 Or maybe I'll have three beers. 376 00:21:29,102 --> 00:21:30,798 That's probably okay if you spread it out. 377 00:21:30,841 --> 00:21:32,550 Well how about four? - I think you're pushing it. 378 00:21:32,579 --> 00:21:34,637 How about twenty? - That's not disciprine. 379 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,248 Right right. Does vodka count? 380 00:21:36,291 --> 00:21:37,155 Dad! 381 00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:42,553 Transcipt: spscriptorium Sync: John Smith 382 00:21:43,387 --> 00:21:46,723 Cya next season. (starts prolly around 22 march) 29280

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