Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:31,357 --> 00:00:33,357
Episode 9x14
"Bloody Mary"
2
00:00:35,647 --> 00:00:36,245
Ichi!
3
00:00:36,246 --> 00:00:37,063
Ichi!
4
00:00:37,132 --> 00:00:37,903
Ichi!
5
00:00:37,903 --> 00:00:38,582
Ichi!
6
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,239
Ichi!
7
00:00:39,296 --> 00:00:39,964
Ichi!
8
00:00:40,033 --> 00:00:41,426
Ichi banzai!
9
00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:42,312
Ichi!
10
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,315
Ichi banzai!
Kya!
11
00:00:44,390 --> 00:00:46,632
Karutamane-san! What are you dwing?!
12
00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:48,503
I'm doing some sweet banzai moves.
13
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:50,607
I'm a little better than everyone else here.
14
00:00:50,665 --> 00:00:54,469
Eriku-san, you must follow direction!
You raku disciprine!
15
00:00:54,495 --> 00:00:56,714
Nah-uh, I don't raku disciprine!
16
00:00:57,188 --> 00:01:00,831
Mina-san! You all needu more disciprine!
17
00:01:00,874 --> 00:01:04,206
True disciprine... come from within.
18
00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:07,427
We are out of time.
I will see you on Tuesday.
19
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,384
Dude, we've gotta hurry home!
The final episode of Lost is on soon.
20
00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:13,298
Yeah, let's go.
21
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,074
Wait. Where's my Dad?
22
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,535
He knew he had to take
us all home, too, right?
23
00:01:17,564 --> 00:01:18,399
Yeah.
24
00:01:19,752 --> 00:01:21,958
Dad? Where the hell could he have gone?
25
00:01:21,993 --> 00:01:23,447
Oh hey, sorry boys.
26
00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:24,502
Later Randy.
27
00:01:24,546 --> 00:01:25,797
Heey, see you Nelson.
28
00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:26,862
Dad, weren't you watching?
29
00:01:26,891 --> 00:01:30,593
Well, I ran into Nelson from work.
We were at the bar watching the game.
30
00:01:30,607 --> 00:01:32,985
Two-dollar margaritas! It was great.
31
00:01:32,986 --> 00:01:34,930
All right, come on,
I'll drive you guys home.
32
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,452
Are you sure you're all right?
33
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,034
Oh yeah, I'll be fine.
I got some beers to keep my buzz going.
34
00:01:45,597 --> 00:01:48,489
Dad, aren't you supposed to like,
not drink and drive?
35
00:01:48,681 --> 00:01:52,647
I'm not drinking and driving, I'm driving
while I'm drinking. Right, boys?
36
00:01:53,131 --> 00:01:54,412
Sure, whatever dude.
37
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,189
Oh I gotta pee.
Hand me that empty bottle, Stan.
38
00:01:57,224 --> 00:01:58,444
Why not just pull over?
39
00:01:58,479 --> 00:02:01,949
Stan, you need to learn some things
about being a man! Now give me that bottle!
40
00:02:04,121 --> 00:02:08,395
There's a reason why God made
our penises like little hoses, boys.
41
00:02:08,438 --> 00:02:09,956
Hold the wheel, Stan.
42
00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:13,222
When you boys start driving, you're gonna
need to learn to do this too. Woahp!
43
00:02:13,610 --> 00:02:14,719
Dad, we're gonna crash!
44
00:02:14,754 --> 00:02:17,858
Shh! Trying to concentrate!
Just hold the damn wheel!
45
00:02:18,515 --> 00:02:20,300
Dude, I think you're being followed.
46
00:02:20,486 --> 00:02:23,377
Oh yeah?
Get off my ass, dickhole!
47
00:02:23,412 --> 00:02:25,005
No, dude, it's the police.
48
00:02:26,141 --> 00:02:27,264
Aww crap!
49
00:02:29,254 --> 00:02:30,487
Here, hold this!
50
00:02:30,952 --> 00:02:32,247
Aww, it's all warm!
51
00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:34,865
Everybody just stay calm!
I can handle this, no problem.
52
00:02:34,894 --> 00:02:36,649
I know how to deal.
53
00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:40,832
License and registration, please.
54
00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,681
What seems to be the officer, problem?
55
00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:47,822
Sir, why don't you step
out of the car for me?
56
00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:48,926
Okay.
57
00:02:51,498 --> 00:02:53,613
Sir, I'm going to give you a sobriety test.
58
00:02:53,627 --> 00:02:55,440
Okay, no problem. Easy.
59
00:02:55,454 --> 00:02:57,668
Stand over here, please?
Right there.
60
00:02:57,669 --> 00:03:00,462
All right, now I want you to
hold your arms out at your sides...
61
00:03:02,721 --> 00:03:05,472
There! I did it, see?! No problem!
62
00:03:05,530 --> 00:03:07,891
And now touch your finger to your nose.
63
00:03:08,019 --> 00:03:09,113
Do what?
64
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,372
Touch your finger to your nose.
65
00:03:11,873 --> 00:03:13,786
Wull come on, that's impossible!
66
00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:16,870
Just bring one hand to your nose, like this.
67
00:03:17,041 --> 00:03:17,718
Okay...
68
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:19,325
Okay, hang on...
69
00:03:22,399 --> 00:03:24,291
Okay, hang, ha-
...hang on...
70
00:03:24,521 --> 00:03:27,000
Hol-! Hold on.
Wa-hang on, hang on.
71
00:03:27,902 --> 00:03:29,068
Dude, what the hell is he doing?
72
00:03:29,096 --> 00:03:30,938
I think his pants are falling down.
73
00:03:31,399 --> 00:03:34,159
What? What did I do?!
What did I do?!
74
00:03:38,295 --> 00:03:41,647
Keep blowing. Keep blowing.
Keep blowing.
75
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,353
Aw Jesus!
76
00:03:45,544 --> 00:03:47,547
This is sooo embarrassing.
77
00:03:47,590 --> 00:03:51,184
You know, Stan, I'd say
your dad racksa disciprine!
78
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,415
You know, I didn't even get home until 2:30.
79
00:03:57,450 --> 00:03:59,141
Man, that was such a bummer.
80
00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:02,865
Look, guys, about last night,
can you just be quiet about it?
81
00:04:03,369 --> 00:04:04,188
Why?
82
00:04:04,553 --> 00:04:06,448
Because, I don't want
everyone knowing, okay?
83
00:04:06,491 --> 00:04:07,944
Could we please just
keep this to ourselves?
84
00:04:07,988 --> 00:04:09,340
All right, Stan.
Sure.
85
00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,356
Okay children, let's take our seats.
86
00:04:13,352 --> 00:04:16,578
Today we will be continuing
our study of economics.
87
00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:20,245
But first, we're going to hear
from a motivational speaker.
88
00:04:20,246 --> 00:04:25,113
The state has sent over somebody to talk to
you all about the dangers of drunk driving.
89
00:04:25,142 --> 00:04:27,436
Please welcome Stan's dad.
90
00:04:28,722 --> 00:04:30,258
Oh Jesus.
91
00:04:30,926 --> 00:04:35,770
Well uh, I'm, s'posed to tell you kids
about how bad drinking is, um...
92
00:04:35,914 --> 00:04:39,960
I'd-did a little drinking and driving.
As part of my punishement I'm...
93
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:43,192
doing community service
work at schools like these.
94
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,754
Oh that's very interesting, isn't it, kids?
95
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:52,306
Uh, you you shouldn't drink,
because it leads tuuuh bad things.
96
00:04:52,435 --> 00:04:55,888
I was in jail for the night
and well I guess I dunno, I...
97
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,586
Just don't drink but,...
98
00:04:57,946 --> 00:05:01,008
if you must drink, d-definitely don't drive.
99
00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:04,880
I've... definitely learned that firsthand,
and uh, uuh, that's all, I guess.
100
00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:08,401
Well, I think we've all learned an
important lesson, haven't we, class?
101
00:05:08,472 --> 00:05:10,645
If you don't make the right choices in life
102
00:05:10,645 --> 00:05:14,683
you could end up being a big
loser like Stan's dad.
103
00:05:16,189 --> 00:05:21,282
Drinking and driving is for idiots. Nobody
wants to end up like Stan's dad, do they?
104
00:05:21,326 --> 00:05:24,914
I want you all to take a good
look at Stan's dad and say:
105
00:05:24,915 --> 00:05:27,987
"Is that who I want to be in thirty years?"
106
00:05:28,438 --> 00:05:31,546
Getting tickets and having to go
to elementary school classrooms
107
00:05:31,546 --> 00:05:33,546
and talk about how pathetic I am?
108
00:05:33,546 --> 00:05:36,104
Thank you Mr. Marsh,
I think you made your point.
109
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,027
Hello again everyone.
110
00:05:40,027 --> 00:05:43,509
My name is Michael
and I'm an alcaholic.
111
00:05:43,538 --> 00:05:45,063
Hi, Michael.
112
00:05:45,962 --> 00:05:50,696
As most of you know I once lost my job
and my family because of my drinking.
113
00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:54,142
But with the help of AA
I've been sober for ten years now.
114
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,456
Anyone have anything they wanna
tell the groups, for starters?
115
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:01,544
My name's Bill, and Im an alcoholic.
116
00:06:01,573 --> 00:06:04,336
Hi Bill.
- Hi Bill.
117
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:08,042
I've been using the 12-step program
for about two months now and
118
00:06:08,043 --> 00:06:10,027
and I'm really turning my life around.
119
00:06:10,027 --> 00:06:14,085
No more blowing guys on Colfax Avenue
for a pint of vodka for this cowboy!
120
00:06:15,969 --> 00:06:20,689
That's great. And I understand this is
somebody's first AA meeting, is that right?
121
00:06:21,696 --> 00:06:24,545
Yes, you sir. Stand on up
and introduce yourself.
122
00:06:24,646 --> 00:06:30,734
Um, my name's Randy
and... I just, really like beer.
123
00:06:32,137 --> 00:06:33,863
You have to admit you're an alcoholic.
124
00:06:33,892 --> 00:06:38,165
But, I don't knnow if
I'm really an alcoholic.
125
00:06:38,558 --> 00:06:40,256
Then why are you here?
126
00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:46,149
Because I got a DUI and so I'm required
to attend AA meetings for two weeks.
127
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:49,989
I was stupid one night and drank
too much and then drove a car.
128
00:06:50,017 --> 00:06:52,643
That was dumb and I'm not gonna do it again.
129
00:06:52,688 --> 00:06:56,101
Randy, you are powerless
to make that decision.
130
00:06:56,145 --> 00:06:59,166
The only thing that works
is the 12-step program.
131
00:06:59,281 --> 00:07:03,605
Step 1 is admitting that you are
powerless to control your drinking.
132
00:07:03,677 --> 00:07:06,843
Only then can you move on
to the other 12 steps, like...
133
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:10,138
believing that only a higher power,
God, makes you stop drinking.
134
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,605
And then, turning your
life over to that God.
135
00:07:12,605 --> 00:07:15,094
Humbly asking God to remove your weaknesses.
136
00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:17,022
What wait wait, hold on.
137
00:07:17,066 --> 00:07:20,835
I never knew that Alcoholics Anonymous
was a religious thing.
138
00:07:21,238 --> 00:07:22,548
Well it's not religious.
139
00:07:22,548 --> 00:07:25,835
You just have to admit that there is some
kind of god which has power over you
140
00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:28,381
and turn your life over to that
god and ask him for forgiveness.
141
00:07:28,425 --> 00:07:30,741
That's the 12-step program, not religion.
142
00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:34,244
Look, I really just need
to cut down on my drinking
143
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,830
and never drive the car drunk again.
144
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,762
You just can't cut down
on your drinking, Randy.
145
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:41,533
You need to know something.
146
00:07:41,873 --> 00:07:43,757
You have a disease.
147
00:07:44,273 --> 00:07:46,675
Uh... a disease?
148
00:07:46,747 --> 00:07:50,093
That's right. Alcoholism is a disease.
149
00:07:50,146 --> 00:07:52,793
You're sick, Randy.
You're very very sick.
150
00:07:52,822 --> 00:07:56,808
And just like with most diseases,
you can't cure it yourself.
151
00:07:56,923 --> 00:07:58,333
And it's deadly.
152
00:07:59,326 --> 00:08:01,028
Oh my God...
153
00:08:06,742 --> 00:08:08,623
Dad! What the hell are you doing?!
154
00:08:08,699 --> 00:08:09,821
Hello, Stan.
155
00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:11,259
Dad, it's the middle of the day!
156
00:08:11,287 --> 00:08:13,086
I thought you weren't going
to drink as much anymore!
157
00:08:13,115 --> 00:08:17,043
No, Stan, you don't understand.
I have a disease.
158
00:08:17,273 --> 00:08:18,985
Daddy's very sick.
159
00:08:19,201 --> 00:08:21,259
What? Did you go to your AA meeting?!
160
00:08:21,302 --> 00:08:23,353
Yes, they're the ones that told me.
161
00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:27,799
I thought I could just quite drinking
on my own, but... it's an illness, son.
162
00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:31,584
I have to admit that I'm powerless
to this terrible disease.
163
00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:36,277
Dad, you've had enough! Just stop now!
164
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:37,744
I can't! I'm sick!
165
00:08:42,206 --> 00:08:45,878
It's not fair! Why did you
give me this disease?!
166
00:08:54,079 --> 00:08:57,285
Stan! Stan!
167
00:08:58,186 --> 00:08:59,279
Stan.
168
00:08:59,466 --> 00:09:00,833
Aw Goddamnit!
169
00:09:00,868 --> 00:09:02,875
Stan I... need your help.
170
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,976
Dad, what are you doing in
Grandpa's extra wheelchair?!
171
00:09:05,013 --> 00:09:09,493
Gotta try to take it easy from now on, son.
Get Daddy another beer, will ya?
172
00:09:09,528 --> 00:09:11,350
No! You don't need another beer!
173
00:09:11,393 --> 00:09:12,594
I know that!
174
00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:16,870
But this disease is just eating me up!
I hate my illness!
175
00:09:16,905 --> 00:09:20,220
Dad, you just need to not drink so much.
It's very simple.
176
00:09:20,264 --> 00:09:22,273
I wish it was that simple, son.
177
00:09:22,422 --> 00:09:27,140
But if I don't give myself up to a higher
power, this disease is going to kill me dead.
178
00:09:27,184 --> 00:09:31,658
I'm afraid the only thing that
will cure me... is a miracle.
179
00:09:58,662 --> 00:10:02,654
Es un milagro.
Es un milagro!
180
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,581
Tom, I'm standing in the garden
of St. Peter's church in Bailey.
181
00:10:08,582 --> 00:10:11,985
Where what some call a
miracle is taking place.
182
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:17,454
The statue of the Virgin Mary has
started to bleed. Out its ass.
183
00:10:18,087 --> 00:10:21,207
The phenomenon was first seen
by Father Harold Barnes.
184
00:10:21,265 --> 00:10:25,071
Who saw the blood coming from the
Virgin Mary's ass late last night.
185
00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:30,486
People from all over the state have flocked here to
the church to witness the apparent mriacle firsthand.
186
00:10:30,536 --> 00:10:32,924
Well, we just heard that
this miracle was happening
187
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:36,067
and we wanted to see it for
ourselves and come and pray.
188
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:39,195
Why do you believe the
Virgin Mary is dripping blood?
189
00:10:39,252 --> 00:10:43,914
Well it may represent her sorrow over
all the bad things going on in the world.
190
00:10:44,116 --> 00:10:48,209
Why do you believe the Virgin Mary
is dripping blood out her ass?
191
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,072
As news of the miracle spreads, hundreds are
expected to show up here at the church
192
00:10:54,072 --> 00:10:57,868
hoping to witness the miracle
and even cure their diseases.
193
00:10:59,102 --> 00:11:03,131
Cure... cure disease. STAN!
194
00:11:07,572 --> 00:11:09,889
My name is Harry and I'm an alcoholic.
195
00:11:09,917 --> 00:11:11,263
Hi Harry.
196
00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:15,564
I've been sober now for five years
and I've learned that drinking ice tea
197
00:11:15,565 --> 00:11:18,583
and getting more involved with
my relationship with God is
198
00:11:18,584 --> 00:11:20,407
is way more fun than partying.
199
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:22,152
It it sure is.
200
00:11:22,187 --> 00:11:26,078
Once I accepted that I was powerless
to control my drinking and my life.
201
00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:30,794
I put it in God's hands and now, these
meeting are the most fun thing I do.
202
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:32,650
Yeah.
203
00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:36,377
Ah, excuse me, who's in charge here?
204
00:11:36,449 --> 00:11:39,169
None of us are in charge.
We're all powerless.
205
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,370
We sure are. That's right. Uh huh.
206
00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:43,241
Uh, look, my dad was here yesterday and
207
00:11:43,241 --> 00:11:46,444
you all kind of messed him up by
telling him he had a disease?
208
00:11:47,297 --> 00:11:49,004
Alcoholism is a disease.
209
00:11:49,326 --> 00:11:50,837
No it, it's not.
210
00:11:50,837 --> 00:11:54,016
And, y-you can't just go around saying
stuff like that to people like my dad.
211
00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:55,742
He He's kind of, a hypochondriac .
212
00:11:55,771 --> 00:12:00,591
It is a disease because it's a physical
dependency. That makes it a disease.
213
00:12:00,634 --> 00:12:04,088
No, cancer is a disease.
My dad needs to drink less.
214
00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:06,658
He can't quit by himself.
None of us could.
215
00:12:06,716 --> 00:12:09,738
He needs divine intervention.
Spirituality.
216
00:12:09,766 --> 00:12:11,939
No, he just needs adisciprine.
217
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:15,968
But thanks to you people, my dad now thinks
he has a disease that he can't cure himself.
218
00:12:15,997 --> 00:12:19,162
Young man, do you know anything
about the 12-Step Program?
219
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,265
Yeah, and I also know a
thing or two about cults.
220
00:12:21,265 --> 00:12:23,263
I was the leader of one for a while.
221
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,689
Goddamnit!
222
00:12:27,269 --> 00:12:29,514
The crowd grows larger every hour.
223
00:12:29,514 --> 00:12:34,457
As the statue of the Virgin Mary
continues to miraculously cry blood...
224
00:12:34,457 --> 00:12:36,089
out her ass.
225
00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:39,493
A Cardinal, Mallory,
has been sent by the Vatican
226
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:42,909
to determine whether this
is a true miracle or not.
227
00:12:46,357 --> 00:12:48,266
Right this way, Cardinal.
228
00:12:49,552 --> 00:12:53,496
The blood always comes from the same area.
Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.
229
00:13:20,497 --> 00:13:21,976
It's a miracle!
230
00:13:31,136 --> 00:13:32,977
Uh, kay, here we go.
231
00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:35,237
Dad?! Dad, what are you doing?!
232
00:13:35,266 --> 00:13:37,266
I gotta drive to Bailey.
233
00:13:37,641 --> 00:13:39,859
Dad, you're drunk!
You're not driving a car!
234
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:43,442
No, Stan, you don't understand.
There's a church in Bailey.
235
00:13:43,471 --> 00:13:46,923
The statue of the Vergin Mary
is bleeding out her ass.
236
00:13:48,283 --> 00:13:48,959
What?
237
00:13:48,988 --> 00:13:52,293
They say her divine ass blood
has miraculous healing power.
238
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,497
She can cure my alcoholism!
I'll be back soon!
239
00:13:55,554 --> 00:13:58,677
Dad, you can't drive!
Your license is suspended, remember?!
240
00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,709
If you get pulled over again,
you're gonna go to jail for ten years!
241
00:14:03,183 --> 00:14:06,197
Alright... then you drive!
242
00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:08,176
I'm eight!
243
00:14:08,219 --> 00:14:12,817
This is my only hope, Stan!
Either you drive this car or I will!
244
00:14:15,738 --> 00:14:17,386
I sure hope this works.
245
00:14:17,666 --> 00:14:19,680
No. No, it will work!
246
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,984
I have to put my faith in a higher power.
247
00:14:22,079 --> 00:14:24,146
I have to believe that this will work!
248
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:26,612
There! There's the church!
Stop right here, Stan!
249
00:14:26,656 --> 00:14:27,620
Where. I can't see.
250
00:14:27,648 --> 00:14:29,792
Right here is good!
Brake pedal! Left pedal!
251
00:14:31,587 --> 00:14:33,761
Alright, get my wheelchair out of the back.
252
00:14:35,213 --> 00:14:36,824
Is that the line?
253
00:14:37,414 --> 00:14:38,838
Oh God!
254
00:14:40,378 --> 00:14:42,856
Is this whole line people
waiting to be cured?
255
00:14:42,885 --> 00:14:46,009
Yeah. I wa diagnosed with brain
cancer two months ago.
256
00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:48,003
I feel like this is my only hope.
257
00:14:48,124 --> 00:14:51,580
I know exactly how you feel.
I've got alcoholism.
258
00:14:51,615 --> 00:14:52,906
Oh my God...
259
00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:55,864
Wait a minute. Stan,
isn't that Josh Garrett up there?
260
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,993
He's from South Park.
Maybe he'll let us in line with him.
261
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,260
Dad, let's just wait our turn.
262
00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:02,076
I could die waiting in this line, Stan.
Come on, let's go!
263
00:15:04,119 --> 00:15:06,291
Heeey heh, Josh Garrett.
How yo doin'?
264
00:15:06,335 --> 00:15:08,335
Oh, hey Randy.
What happened to you?
265
00:15:08,378 --> 00:15:12,173
I've got a disease: Alcoholism.
It's pretty serious. You?
266
00:15:12,288 --> 00:15:14,432
My daughter has elephantitis.
267
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,412
We are the same, she and I.
268
00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:22,951
Eey, what do you think you're doin', kid?
269
00:15:22,995 --> 00:15:24,764
You're trying to cut in line!
270
00:15:24,822 --> 00:15:26,333
I just, my dad was-
271
00:15:26,347 --> 00:15:29,293
You're a butter!
You're a dirty linecutter!
272
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,066
Praise Jesus.
273
00:15:43,435 --> 00:15:47,309
This is taking too long!
I'm gonna run out of beer! Stan!
274
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:48,000
What?!
275
00:15:48,058 --> 00:15:49,396
You see that guy up there?
276
00:15:49,425 --> 00:15:51,151
I think he has a kidney disease.
277
00:15:51,194 --> 00:15:53,784
Every couple of minutes he gets out
of line to go to the bathroom.
278
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:55,945
When he leaves next, let's take his place.
279
00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:57,570
No, Dad, people will see!
280
00:15:57,605 --> 00:16:01,456
The guy behind him is blind!
There he goes! C'mon! C'mon! Go go go!
281
00:16:05,524 --> 00:16:08,244
Hey. I smell a butter.
282
00:16:08,316 --> 00:16:10,301
He did, that kid just cut in line!
283
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:11,814
Back o'the line, butter!
284
00:16:11,849 --> 00:16:13,268
I'm going to die!
285
00:16:13,297 --> 00:16:14,534
Dad, we're going back!
286
00:16:14,549 --> 00:16:17,303
What's goin' on here?
- This kid's cutting in line!
287
00:16:17,338 --> 00:16:19,586
Please, officer,
you have to understand.
288
00:16:19,658 --> 00:16:21,787
I need a miracle way
more than these people.
289
00:16:21,859 --> 00:16:24,935
I'm an alcoholic and I'm powerless over it.
290
00:16:25,848 --> 00:16:28,453
I understand.
My brother's an alcoholic.
291
00:16:28,496 --> 00:16:30,122
Here, let me push you to
the front of the line.
292
00:16:30,151 --> 00:16:32,739
Oh bless you, sir! Bless you!
293
00:16:33,306 --> 00:16:36,801
'Scuse me, out of the way,
alcoholic coming through!
294
00:16:40,826 --> 00:16:42,984
She's... beautiful.
295
00:16:58,023 --> 00:17:01,318
I'm... not... going... to drink this.
296
00:17:01,376 --> 00:17:06,054
I'm not going to drink this!
It's a miracle! I'm cured!
297
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,532
Praise Jesus!
Praise Mary the Blessed Vergin Mother!
298
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,013
Thank you!
Thank you God!
299
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,993
Good morning, family. The Lord has truly
blessed us with another beautiful day.
300
00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:30,857
It's just amazing. I haven't had
a drink in five days. Praise Christ.
301
00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:32,062
Praise him.
302
00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:34,052
Praise Christ.
- Praise Christ.
303
00:17:34,685 --> 00:17:37,807
I've got another AA meeting today
and guess where it's gonna be, Stan
304
00:17:37,879 --> 00:17:40,329
At Whistlin' Willy's Pizza,
so you can come with me.
305
00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:43,193
Naw, Dad, all the guys are going to Kyle's
house to watch the Bronco game.
306
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,905
Kenny and Kyle's Dads
were hoping you'd come.
307
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:47,861
Stan, those people drink.
I have new friends now.
308
00:17:47,904 --> 00:17:51,184
My AA friends,
who have faith in a higher power.
309
00:17:53,877 --> 00:17:55,541
Yeah, all right, woohoo!
310
00:17:55,576 --> 00:17:59,169
Boy this lemonade is great! Who knew
how fun being sober could be?!
311
00:17:59,198 --> 00:18:01,078
Yeah!
That's right! Right!
312
00:18:01,841 --> 00:18:03,827
Your dad doesn't drink either?
313
00:18:03,841 --> 00:18:05,438
No, my dad doesn't drink.
314
00:18:05,841 --> 00:18:07,668
Does that mean we're friends?
315
00:18:08,517 --> 00:18:10,877
'Scuse me, I I'd like to
address the group if I may.
316
00:18:10,891 --> 00:18:12,490
Sure Randy, go ahead.
317
00:18:13,037 --> 00:18:14,778
I'm Randy and I'm an alcoholic.
318
00:18:14,807 --> 00:18:16,175
Hi Randy.
319
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:20,880
But I put my faith in a higher power
and I haven't had a drink for five days now!
320
00:18:24,128 --> 00:18:27,178
An update from the bleeding
Virgin Mary statue!
321
00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:29,337
Oh wait. Sh sh.
Hold on a second, gang.
322
00:18:29,351 --> 00:18:33,406
Earlier today, the new pope,
Pope Benedict the 16th himself
323
00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:37,507
visited the statue here in Bailey
to witness the miracle firsthand.
324
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,708
It was an amazing sight to behold
325
00:18:39,708 --> 00:18:42,255
as Pope Benedict made his way
through the throngs of people.
326
00:18:42,298 --> 00:18:44,061
Right this way, Your Holiness.
327
00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:47,060
The pope then examined the statue closely.
328
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:09,355
After witnessing the phenomenon firsthand,
the pope then cleaned himself off
329
00:19:09,355 --> 00:19:15,143
and then declared that the bleeding
Virgin Mary statue is not a miracle!
330
00:19:16,035 --> 00:19:16,639
What?
331
00:19:16,682 --> 00:19:18,423
Having investigated closely.
332
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:22,064
The pope determined that the blood was
not coming from the Virgin Mary's ass.
333
00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:24,135
But rather, from her vagina.
334
00:19:24,135 --> 00:19:25,632
And the pope said quote:
335
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:28,610
"A chick bleeding out her
vagina is no miracle."
336
00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:31,554
"Chicks bleed out their
vaginas all the time."
337
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,644
Back to you, Tom.
338
00:19:33,744 --> 00:19:35,701
Thanks, Edward.
That's a very shocking report...
339
00:19:35,802 --> 00:19:37,874
That means... I'm not cured.
340
00:19:38,306 --> 00:19:39,903
I still have the disease!
341
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,380
Bartender! I need a drink!
342
00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,970
Three shots of McAllen,
two small bottles of vodka
343
00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:47,905
three bottles of beer and some
Jell-O shooters! Come on! Let's go!
344
00:19:47,949 --> 00:19:49,344
Randy, uh what are you doing?
345
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:53,910
You heard what he said! The higher power
didn't cure me! I'm powerless again!
346
00:19:54,428 --> 00:19:56,212
I'm, I'm, I'm powerless too!
347
00:19:56,332 --> 00:19:57,320
Yeah me too!
348
00:19:57,536 --> 00:19:59,003
Get me seven martini's!
349
00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:00,357
Jack and Coke!
350
00:20:01,248 --> 00:20:03,151
Dad, Dad, Stop!
351
00:20:04,129 --> 00:20:06,302
I'm sorry, son!
I'm off the wagon!
352
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,333
Dad, you don't have to do this!
353
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,261
You have the power.
You haven't drank since seeing the statue.
354
00:20:12,717 --> 00:20:14,904
But the statue wasn't a miracle!
355
00:20:15,163 --> 00:20:18,756
Yeah. The statue wasn't a miracle, Dad.
So that means you did it.
356
00:20:18,889 --> 00:20:22,362
That means you didn't have a drink
for five days all on your own.
357
00:20:25,909 --> 00:20:30,871
You're right, Stan. If God didn't make
me stop drinking then... I did.
358
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:35,588
Maybe... Maybe I can force
myself to never drink again.
359
00:20:36,049 --> 00:20:38,063
No!
- No?
360
00:20:38,192 --> 00:20:41,951
Dad, you like to drink. So have a
drink once in a while. Have two.
361
00:20:41,980 --> 00:20:45,221
If you devote your whole life to
completely avoiding something you like
362
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:48,914
then that thing still controls your life and
you've never learned any discipline at all.
363
00:20:49,408 --> 00:20:53,585
But, maybe... I'm just the kind of person
who needs to have it all or nothing.
364
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,671
Naw. All or nothing is easy.
365
00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:59,532
But learning to drink a little bit,
responsibly, that'sa disciprine.
366
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:02,344
Disciprine... come from within.
367
00:21:06,824 --> 00:21:09,897
How did I manage to raise such a smart kid?
368
00:21:10,631 --> 00:21:12,281
I've had a great teacher.
369
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,016
Thanks son.
370
00:21:14,504 --> 00:21:16,866
No not you, my karate teacher.
He's really smart.
371
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,116
Oh. Well, tell you what
372
00:21:19,117 --> 00:21:21,934
let's leave the car here, walk home
and watch the game.
373
00:21:21,992 --> 00:21:23,460
Like to have another beer or two.
374
00:21:23,517 --> 00:21:25,863
All right!
- Come on!
375
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,067
Or maybe I'll have three beers.
376
00:21:29,102 --> 00:21:30,798
That's probably okay if you spread it out.
377
00:21:30,841 --> 00:21:32,550
Well how about four?
- I think you're pushing it.
378
00:21:32,579 --> 00:21:34,637
How about twenty?
- That's not disciprine.
379
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,248
Right right. Does vodka count?
380
00:21:36,291 --> 00:21:37,155
Dad!
381
00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:42,553
Transcipt: spscriptorium
Sync: John Smith
382
00:21:43,387 --> 00:21:46,723
Cya next season.
(starts prolly around 22 march)
29280
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.