All language subtitles for Moonlighting S02E05 (1985) WEB-DL 1080p [Ukr_Eng] [Hurtom]_Track04

♪ Some walk by night ♪

♪ Some fly by day ♪

♪ Something is sweeter ♪

♪ 'Cause we met on the way ♪

♪ 'Cause we met
on the way ♪

...26 yard line
with a third down.

Yeah. Yeah,
I'll be right out.

I'm putting on my pants!

You see that?

That's you.

That's you.

Oh, you're late, Clark.

You know what that means.

I gotta do some damage.

You wanna pick something?

Arm? Leg?

A hand maybe?

Oh, right,
we don't wanna mess

with the fame
and the fortune.

What's it gonna be, Clark?

Ugh!

♪ Every limbo boy
and girl ♪

♪ All around
the limbo world ♪

♪ Gonna do
the limbo rock ♪

♪ All around the limbo clock ♪

♪ Jack be limbo,
Jack be quick ♪

♪ Jack go under limbo stick ♪

♪ All around the limbo clock ♪

♪ Hey, let's do
the limbo rock ♪

Whoo!

Very nasty fall, man.

Not a pretty picture.

A warning, kids,
don't try this at home.

No, no, no.

Tough break, Simmons,

but we do have some
lovely parting gifts!

Next up, our buddy Lewis

and the question that is on
all of America's mind:

"How low can he go?"

Good extension.
Impressive leg control.

The muscles contract,
as tension builds.

The smell of an armpit,
the roar of the crowd.

Is this a great moment
in sports or what?

Yeah!

Hiya, boss. Back from
the dentist so soon?

Limbo higher now!

Cat got your tongue?

Dr. Fishbein aim a little
high with the novocaine?

So come on,
say something, will you?

No.

Hang loose, kids, she got
a hair appointment on Thursday.

Yoo-hoo.

Whew! Look at the steam
rising off that chair.

There must be somebody
pretty hot sitting there.

What do you suppose could have
gotten that somebody so hot?

Couldn't have been that
they walked in on a moment
of fun and frolic here

at the Blue Moon Investigations.

Nah. Nobody could be that
self-involved, that humorless.

Nobody could have that big
a stick up their--

"Fun and frolic"?
Is that what you call this?

Magic and mirth?
Thrills and spills?
Love and laughter?

- You think this is funny?
- I sure am trying like hell.

- What if I had been a client?
- What if you had been?

What if I had been
a potential client
and walked in here

and saw that band of zombies
we call employees out there

doing your revival of Zulu?
What do you think
I would have thought?

"What is that man doing
on the floor having sex
with himself?"

- This is not a joke.
- This is. A 90-year-old man
walks into a sperm bank--

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Do you know what hurts
the most?

Sure, you get a pimple
on the inside of your nose,

then you get a cold
and you gotta blow--

That's what I mean!

And people say
we're not alike.

What hurts most
is that you are exactly
the same person you were

when I walked in here
seven months ago.

That's why these clothes
still fit.

I have made an effort...

to loosen up, to relax.

- To let my hair down.
- Me too.

I've come to understand that
when you work with someone,

you have to accept
some of their style,

hope that they'll
accept some of yours.
Find some middle ground.

Sounds reasonable.

But what hurts the most is that
I have done all the changing,

I have done all
the accepting.

Really?

I think you'd find it
hard to refute

that I've become more
easygoing, more jovial,
more devil-may-care.

Yeah, you're a regular
Jan Murray.

But you have not made
such an effort.

Addison, come back here.
I'm not through haranguing yet.

Addison!

Don't you people have
anything better to do?

You walked out of my office.

I was in the middle
of talking to you and you
walked out of my office!

You got it, Sherlock.
Now, I'd appreciate it

if you returned the favor
and walk out of mine.

You're angry?
Is that what this is about?

You're angry?!

Let's get one thing
straight, bub.

If anybody has the right
to be angry around here,
it's me.

- Oh, really?
- Yes, really.

Those people are supposed to be
working out there,

not limboing, and you just
encourage them.

Encourage them? Is that what
you think I'm doing?
I have a much higher purpose.

- Higher purpose?
- Yes, higher purpose.

For your information,
I was out there trying
to raise spirits.

- Raise spirits?
- That's right.

- And you want to know why?
- I can barely stand
the suspense.

- Because you have a lot
of unhappy employees, Ms. Hayes.
- Working them too hard, am I?

This is no longer
a fun place to work.

Oh, my goodness,
how will I sleep?

Maddie, they were gonna leave,
walk out, resign.

- And you stopped 'em?
- They're still here,
aren't they?

Addison,
I can't work this way.

Why don't you try working
standing up. I once read
an article that said

- if your vertebrae--
- That's not what I mean.

Oh, David!

David! David! David!

Maddie, Maddie, Maddie.

David, I need a business partner
who's a mature adult.

- Yeah, and...?
- And you're not.

- I'm not what?
- A mature adult.

Let me show you something.

You see that?
That's body hair, baby.

You ask any gym teacher
in America,

and he will tell you
that is the first sign
of maturity.

- And I got lots of it, all over.
- Never mind!

You don't care about
the business,
you don't care about me,

you don't care
about anything.

Okay, all right.
Chill for a second, will you?

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida!
You are so serious.

You want me to apologize,
I apologize.

- No, I want you to change.
- Change?

Yes, change.
Don't you see?

You encourage
those people out there.

You set an example.

Nothing matters.

Life's a carnival.
Work's a party!

That is not
an adult attitude.

Well, I'm an adult
and that is my attitude.

Never mind,
I was dreaming.

You can't do
what I want you to do.

You are who you are
and I am who I am.

And the only solution
is dissolution.

Wait a second,
wait a second,
wait a second.

"Dissolution"? What is that,
Brooklyn for "this solution"?

No, that's Maddie for
"I can't go on this way."

What do you want?

I don't think it matters,
because I don't think
you can do it.

- I can do anything.
- Really?

- You can act like an adult?
- What the hell kind
of question is that?

I'm willing to bet that
you can't be a mature adult
for one week.

You're kidding.
What kind of bet?

Just what I said,
that you can't be adult
for one week.

- How much?
- How much what?

- How much do I get if I win?
- Don't worry, you won't win.
You couldn't win.

Well just on the outside chance
that I get lucky, how much?

How about $3000?

Three grand?

Three thousand dollars
to watch the impossible?

I think that's a bargain.
Is it a wager or not?

A wager? Oh, baby,
this is gonna be grand larceny.

If it's maturity you want,
maturity you will get.

From now on, I'm gonna be
a regular Lawrence Welk.

Tie my shoes,
wear long pants.

I may even take up
the accordion.

No, no, no, Mr. Addison.
That is not what I meant
by mature.

And what, pray tell,
do you mean by "mature,"
Ms. Hayes?

I mean that when we go out
on a case, we will conduct ourselves

as though at the end of the
fourth grade we got promoted
and not left back.

- What does that mean?
- No fast-talking jive.

None of that hip-hop slop
you call English.

I don't really care
if "bears bear" or "bees bee"--

- Is that all?
- No, that is not all.

We haven't even scratched
the surface yet.

I don't want to hear any more
of your lewd, sexist remarks.

About you
or your whole gender?

- You don't have a chance.
- What else?

You'll set an example
for the employees.

Again with the employees?
Mad, I gotta tell ya,
they love me.

Of course they love you.
They're underworked, overpaid,

and have Murray the K
for a boss.

Which reminds me,
no more singing.

- Say what?
- You heard me.

- One doo-wop and you lose.
- Oh, hold the phone!
Hold the phone!

Aren't we cutting
a little bit deep here?

I believe now we're going
beyond the parameters
of the bet.

Now we are getting
into the essence
of my personality.

That's not personality,
that's an affliction.

No. No way.
You're going too far.

I knew you couldn't
do it.

Okay, all right.
I'm in.

But if you're going
to stop me from singing,
we'll have to raise the stakes.

More money?

No, not money.

Something
that really matters.

Keep dreaming, Addison.

Oh, how childish and immature,
Ms. Hayes.

Everything to you is sex,
sex, sex.

I'm after something
that really matters.

- Like what?
- Your dignity.

- Excuse me?
- Limbo, Maddie.

- Come on, how low can you go?
- What are you talking about?

You know exactly
what I'm talking about.

You, out there
in front of the employees,
God and everybody.

- And what do I get?
- What do you mean?

When you lose,
what do I get?

- Moi.
- The whole thing

or just your head
on a platter?

Fine, $3000 and I limbo.

But when you lose,
you will lay off every
unnecessary employee.

Oh, no!

We'll give them severance pay
and good recommendations,

but you have to tell them.
You have to fire them.

What, did you get up on
the wrong side of the bed
this morning?

- Do we have a bet or not?
- Yeah, you bet we do.

Shake.

Sorry, just had to get
that last one out of my system.

- When do we start?
- Now.

Mr. Addison's office.

Mr. Addison, Ms. Hayes,

there's an Emily Greydon
here to see you.

Eh, well, tell her to wait--

Show her in
to Ms. Hayes' office.

We'll join her momentarily.

Okay.

- Very nice. Very--
- Adult?

Indeed. You know,
I'm secretly hoping
I'll lose this bet.

Really? Me too.

Mark my words,
maturity is its own reward.

Couple of days of acting
like an adult,

you'll wonder why you
didn't do it sooner.

I already am.

Mrs. Greydon,

uh, I'm Madelyn Hayes.

This is my associate,
David Addison.

Ms. Hayes, if memory serves,
you're a wealthy woman.

I've sought you out
because I have
a wealthy woman's problem.

- My son has been kidnapped.
- Mrs. Greydon.

Please. My son, my stepson,
really, is 35 years old.

I think kidnapping
is a matter for the FBI,
don't you, Mr. Addison?

Positively, Ms. Hayes.

I rather doubt that the FBI
would be interested
in what I have in mind.

You see, I'm not only
looking for someone
to simply save Clark,

I'm looking for someone
to negotiate for him.

- Excuse me?
- My son...

is somewhat of a professional...

screwup.

He's a concert pianist
by vocation.

That's a gift he was born with,
not something he works at.

What he works at
is exploring limits.

His luck,

my patience...

the bucket's bottom.

He's a compulsive gambler.
Anything, anywhere.

The longer the odds,
the quicker he jumps.

I've come to understand
that he...

enjoys losing,
not winning.

Are you suggesting
that this kidnapping

has something to do
with his gambling?

There are just some things
a mother knows, Ms. Hayes.

That came with my Times
this morning.

They want $ 100,000,

and I'm quite willing
to pay it.

It's just that I'd rather
pay 75 or 50.

Let's hear it
for free enterprise.

I didn't say that.

You want us to negotiate
for your son's life?

Everything, anything
is negotiable, Ms. Hayes.

As I said before,

I stand ready to pay
the full amount.

It's just that
I like to know

that I've struck
the best possible bargain

before I claim
my merchandise.

I'm prepared to pay you $5000
for delivering the money,

and an additional dollar

for every 2 dollars
you save me.

- Are you interested?
- Are you kidding?

Do ducks d-?

Definitely.

Definitely interested.

I was gonna say,
"Definitely Duck,
Deputy Dog's cousin."

Isn't this great?
Three adults sitting around,

having a mature conversation.

This is a picture of Clark.

It was taken a year ago,
intended for an album cover.

Of course, he never quite got
around to finishing the record.

Mrs. Greydon,
we'll do everything possible

to see that your son
gets back safely.

Fine.

Just bring him back cheaply.

- This must be the place.
- That's all it says,
"apartment 511"?

You tend not to write
everything down

when you have to cut every
letter out of a magazine.

- Well--
- Listen.

I, uh, I'd like to make
a suggestion here.

Yes?

I don't think it's a good idea
for both of us to go in there.

- What are you saying?
- I think the sensible thing--

The mature thing to do
is for you to wait out here
in the car.

- David...
- Maddie, I know.

It smells like sexism to you.

Well, it smells like sexism
to me too, but damn it,

if it means blowing our bet
to protect my partner,

well, that's what
I'm gonna do, because...

it just doesn't
make any sense

for both of us
to risk our necks.

And if we're choosing
which neck to risk,

it seems to me
that my thick one

is much more expendable
than your pretty, long one.

Save some of this.
I'll use it to fertilize
my lawn.

Maddie, I mean it.

If anything ever
happened to you, honey...

And here is a situation
where it's not necessary
to put yourself in danger.

I promise you,
if I can convince these
'nappers to rap,

I'll come right out
and get you.

But if they're not
of a mind to talk

I'd just as soon that you were
waiting out here in the car.

I guess that is kind of
thoughtful of you.

Thoughtfulness.

Kind of mature.

Kind of adult.

Kind of me.

♪ Maddie be nimble
Maddie be quick ♪

♪ The girl go under
limbo stick ♪

Of course.

Only five flights of stairs.

Clever.

But I ain't running down
five flights of stairs
after you.

Through the lips,
over the gums,

look out, kidnappers,
here it comes.

Maddie!

Maddie!
There he goes, look--

- David?
- Don't let him get away!

Maddie!

- David!
- There he goes.

Turn it around.
Turn it around!

There he is. There he is.
Go get him.

- Go get who?
- Go get him.

- Whoa! Maddie!
- What are you doing out there?

- Get in this car.
- Turn the wheel
and hit the brakes!

- Not until you get in this car.
- Turn the wheel
and hit the brakes!

Ugh!

Mom, will you read me a story
before I go to bed?

Clark Greydon?

Guess I'm a better piano player
than a kidnapper, huh?

Why did you take the risk?

They were going to kill me.
Still might.

I just couldn't bring myself
to go begging to her
one more time.

This seemed like
a fairly painless alternative.

An interesting turn, isn't it?

You don't know the half of it.
Your stepmother hired us

to negotiate a lower ransom
with your kidnappers.

- You're kidding!
- She even offered built-in
incentives.

The lower the price,
the bigger the bonus.

Mom is nothing
if not a great motivator.

Mr. Greydon,
I hate to spoil the party,
but we have a problem here.

We all have a problem,
Ms. Hayes.

Although it seems to me
there is a decided lesser

among the various evils.

"Various evils"?

Well, it occurs to me
that there are two things
we can--

you, uh, can do.

The most obvious and honest
solution to our quandary

is simply telling Mother
the truth.

"Your son is, in fact,
not just financially bankrupt

but morally bankrupt as well."

And to prove it,
staged his own abduction

so that he could
extort money

from the woman
who brought him up,

raised him from infancy
to manhood,

even though he wasn't
her natural son.

Even though
he's never done anything
to show his appreciation.

We can also kiss our bonus
bye-bye.

- David.
- Excuse me, Ms. Hayes.

Just a-- an additional
consideration to be weighed

while evaluating
our various courses of action.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

You mentioned a second
thing we could do.

Lie.

Why, what a bold
and original answer

to a devilish
and thorny problem.

I never would have
thought of that, Ms. H--

Your stepmother is our client.
We don't lie to clients.

But it's such a colorful lie.

The two of you rescued me.

Snatched me from the clutches
of those evil men.

Why, you're heroes.

Saved the apple of Mom's eye,

the money in her vault.

Hell, my way,
everybody gets what they want.

You get your reward,
I get some sympathy.

I know which version I prefer.

Fifty thousand dollars!
I can't believe we did that.

Fifty thousand dollars.
I can't believe we did that.
David!

I've never done that before.

Grabbed a man by the lapels?
It's okay, I enjoy it.

No, no, lie! We looked that
woman in the face and lied.

And turned a tidy little
profit to boot.

Who says you can't make
an honest buck in America?

It seems so wrong.
Part of me thinks we should
have told her the truth.

Wait a second,
let me show you something.

You see that?
That is a check
for $50,000, Maddie.

$50,000,
and we earned it.

Emily Greydon came to us
prepared to spend $100,000
to save her son's life.

A hundred thousand dollars.

And because of our hard work,
we saved her all that money.

The circumstances
are unimportant.

The fact remains
that if someone else
had taken this case,

she might have lost
the whole bundle.

That's true, isn't it?

Damn right, it's true.
We earned this money, baby.
We earned it.

And I'd lie to her again.

It was the mature
and adult decision.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'd like to share the happy news

with the rest of the troops.

Hey, kids!

Guess how big a booty
me and Mom bagged.

We're talking
five figures here, kids.

Speaking of fine figures...

I believe I feel a little
celebration in the air, kiddies.

We got no choice
but to limbo, Jimbo!

Go, go, go! Yes!

♪ Every limbo boy and girl ♪

♪ All around the limbo world ♪

♪ Gonna do the limbo rock...♪

May I see you
in my office, please?

♪ Jack be limbo,
Jack be quick ♪

♪ Jack go under
limbo stick ♪

♪ All around the limbo clock ♪

♪ Hey, let's do
the limbo rock ♪

Limber up, cats and kittens.
I'll be back in a flash.

♪ How low can you go? ♪

What's happening, man?
I make a boo-boo?

What, are you, one of these
people that takes success hard?

In my opinion, O'Neill
and Jergenson are the most
immediately expendable.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about
who you're gonna let go.

- What?
- We had a bet.

We had a windfall!

Are you saying
that what I just witnessed

is an exception?
Something that
should be excused?

Because what I witnessed
is exactly what I was talking
about this morning.

What I witnessed
was a grown man

inciting others into
unprofessional behavior.

So what does that mean,
the bet's off?

No, not necessarily,
not if you go out there
and do what you agreed to do.

- What did I agree to do?
- Be a boss, not a buddy.

Boy, are you
one tough customer.

This is important for you.

For us, for this place.

Okay.

All right,
I'll take care of it.

Mind if I watch?

♪ ...then you move
to limbo beat ♪

♪ Limbo ankle,
limbo knee ♪

♪ Bend back
like a limbo tree ♪

♪ Jack be limbo,
Jack be quick ♪

♪ Jack go under
limbo stick... ♪

Enough.

Enough.

Enough!

Ugh!

This is a business.

You're supposed
to be businesspeople.

Now, come on, huh?

That's better.

Blue Moon Detective Agency.
Domestic entanglement's
our forte.

If he plays around,
we'll track him down.

We'll catch him with his fling,
take shots of the whole thing.

Black-and-white and color too.
Big ones, little ones--

"Blue Moon Detective Agency.
How may I help you?"

That is how
we answer the phone.

Blue Moon Detective Agency.

How may I help you?

I think he hung up.

"Morning, Ms. Hayes."

"Good morning, Ms. Hayes."

"Good morning,
Ms. Hayes."

Every single morning of the past
seven months of my life,

I've walked through
that door and you've said:

"Good morning, Ms. Hayes."

Is there some special reason
why this morning isn't like
every other morning?

Is there some special reason
why you didn't say,

"Morning, Ms. Hayes"?

It is morning, isn't it?

I am Ms. Hayes, aren't I?

Ms. DiPesto,
I'm speaking to you.

I don't think
I like you anymore.

Oh, I see.

This is a group effort.

And just what have I done
to deserve this extraordinary
display of affection?

- You de-Daved him.
- I what?

Mr. Addison.
You de-Daved him.

- I de-Daved him?
- De-Daved him.

Took it all away.
Now there's no Dave left.

Now he's like every other
Tom, Dave or Harry.

What I did,
I did for his own good.

Do you have any idea
how silly he would have looked,

55 years old,
gut hanging over his belt,

walking around going,
"Do bears bear, do bees bee?"

Don't you see?
In the long run,

I made the right choice,
the right decision.

Adulthood is wonderful.

There are people who've waited
10, 20 years to become an adult.

- Some, longer.
- Ms. Hayes...

you de-Daved him,
and that's that.

All right, I admit,
I miss the old him.

I miss some of the fun,
some of the spontaneity,
but we'll survive.

I can be funny,
I can be spontaneous.

Say something funny.

Give me a minute.

- Time's up.
- Man walks into a bar!

I mean, this man
walks into this bar

with
a duck under his arm.

Now, the bartender
notices this

and he looks at this man
and he looks at this duck
and says:

"Where did you get the pig?"

So the man looks back
at the bartender and he says:

"That's not a pig,
that's a duck."

And the bartender
looks at the man and says,
"I wasn't talking to you,

- I was talking to the duck."
- I was talking to the duck.

Okay.

Fine.

Man walks into a hardware store,
says, "I need a mousetrap.

I'm in a hurry.
I have to catch a bus!"

Hardware-store man says,
"Mister, I'm sorry,

but I don't have a mousetrap
big enough to catch a bus!"

You're all fungi.

I de-Daved him.

I'll de-Dave them all.

They'll think it's D-Day
around here, damn 'em.

Yeah?
There's a woman--

In a bar with a moose
on her head. I know all
about it and I don't care.

Everybody is a comedian.

- What?
- I'm trying to tell you

there's a woman here
to see you, a Mrs. Greydon.

Mrs. Greydon!

Mrs. Greydon!

I'm sorry to come in so early
and without an appointment. I...

That's quite all right,
Mrs. Greydon.

Have a seat, please.

I certainly owe both you
and your associate an apology.

I must have seemed
very cold

that day I first
came to visit you.

Bargaining for
my son's life, I...

My son!

- He's been kidnapped again.
- Mrs. Greydon.

I went to his apartment
this morning, we were going
to have breakfast,

talk, negotiate.

I'd say I'm sorry,
he would say he was sorry.

I'd give him some money,
he'd swear he'd never
do it again.

That's what we do.

When I got there, no Clark.

Maybe he went out
to get a paper somewhere.

This was on the kitchen table.

If they don't get the money
by noon, they'll kill him.

By noon today?

That's less than two hours away.
Mr. Addison isn't even here.

I will pay you anything
you ask. Anything.

I was able to get to the bank
before I came here.

I have never been so frightened
in my whole life.

For this to have
happened twice...

Mrs. Greydon, I promise you,
it will be fine.

I probably never should have
toyed with them the first time.

- It will be fine.
- Oh, yes, please.

Let's hope so.

Is Mr. Addison in yet?

The old Mr. Addison
or the new Mr. Addison?

Either one!

No.

- I'm gone.
- Knew that.

Morning, Ms. Hayes.
Sorry I'm late.

I stayed up all last
night reading a very
perceptive article

called "Myth of the New Male."

I am so glad
you're here, David.

I could make a copy of it
for you if you like.

She found this
on the kitchen table.

Somebody ought to tell Clark
about the boy that cried wolf.

Well, if it is Clark,
no more deals like this.
This is for safekeeping.

Do you think this ruins
the line of the suit?

Madame Hayes.

David, I've been thinking.

- Aren't you gonna say anything?
- Like what?

Like, "I know that,
I could see the smoke
rising from your brain."

No, of course not.
That wouldn't be mature.
That wouldn't be adult.

Which brings me to what
I was thinking about.

You know, when I was growing up,
we had this great big sheepdog.

His name was Sport.
He was bouncy, friendly.

Every morning he'd charge into
my bedroom, jump on the bed,
and lick me all over the face.

- My kind of dog.
- Please, there's more.

- Licking or bouncing?
- The point is,

every time he jumped on my bed,
he got my quilt dirty.

And that made Mom crazy,
and she made Dad crazy,

so my father decided
to take him to obedience school,

trained him
to be a watchdog.

- What happened?
- It worked.

He stopped jumping on the bed,
stopped licking me in the face.

All he wanted to do
was sit on the front porch
and look for strangers.

Strangers, huh?
Looking for a zipless lick?

- That's not funny.
You know what happened?
- Met a zipless tick?

- He got squished.
- Squished?

My father backed out of the
driveway and ran over him.

- Ran over him?
- Ran over him.

You understand my point?

Sure, I ain't never
licking your face
when your father's around.

No. Sometimes it means
you have to--

Let licking dogs lay?

You have to accept
the dog's limitations.

Sometimes I have to learn
to accept.

I mean, maybe I have to
learn to accept.

Never mind.

Here we are.

- Ms. Hayes.
- No, thank you.

- I miss the old David.
- Excuse me?

I miss the old David, all right?

There, I've said it.

I miss him.

I want him back.

He's yours for the limboing
and $3000.

I hope this little wager of ours
is not gonna put a crimp
on our friendship.

Current events.

- Quarter.
- You can give me
the voucher later.

"Phone booth, corner of 5th
and Flower, exactly 11:30."

Look, "exactly" is all
in capital letters.

- What do you think that means?
- I think it means exactly
what it says.

Oh...

Three minutes.

I don't know why we're rushing.
It's not really a kidnapping.

- Is it?
- I don't know.

- How much time?
- Two minutes.

This is supposed to be it.

It's supposed to be here.

"Los Angeles River, 11:41.

Drop money as you enter tunnel,
he's at the other end."

Easy pickup, easy getaway.
Never see him in the dark.

- We've got seven minutes, David.
- I'll get us there.

Seven minutes.

Come on, move it, dipstick.

- Sorry.
- That's okay...

I think I like it.

Turn the wheel!

Aah!

- How are we doing on the clock?
- Two minutes.

- Okay, roll your window down.
- Okay, I'm ready.

Over there.

One minute.

- We're late.
- Late for what?

Oh, David...

How long do you think
the smell lasts?

- What?
- The smell of the gasoline.

I don't know.

How are we gonna tell Emily?

I think we just tell her,
that's all.

I've never seen a man
die before.

It was our fault,
wasn't it, David? I mean--

What do you mean?

We should've handled
things differently.

You mean the time,
you mean being late?

I mean that if we hadn't lied
about the first kidnapping,

Emily Greydon wouldn't have
hired us for the second.

If she hadn't hired us
for the second,
her son would be alive today.

That's what I mean.

Maddie...

we did what we did
for a reason.

Yeah, 50,000 of them.

Mrs. Greydon,
I can't tell you
how badly we feel.

Clark... gone?

Mrs. Greydon...
Mrs. Greydon,
I want you to know

that our next case,
our only case,

will be to find the people
who murdered your son.

I'd like it very much
if you would leave now.

No matter how long
it takes,

no matter how much money
it takes,

I give you my pledge--

I really would very much
like you to leave.

We will find the people responsible.

- Leave.
- And see that they
are brought to justice.

Won't you please leave?

I meant what I said
back there.

Between this case and that
bet you and I made...

First order of business
is to find Clark Greydon's
killers.

- I need a nice, long vacation.
- We're gonna find his killers, David.

- Maybe the Virgin Islands.
- We'll help the police
gather evidence to convict.

It may not wash his blood
off our hands,

- but it's gotta help.
- Take a vat of suntan oil.

- The look on her face...
- Eat too much, drink too much.

I've never seen a man
blown to bits before.

- Wait, a minute, say that again.
- Say what again?

That stuff about seeing a guy
blown to bits. I didn't
see any bits of guy.

What do you mean,
"bits of guy"?

If a guy gets blown to bits,
you're gonna see bits of guy, right?

A nose flying
through the air,

a finger hitting you
in the face.

I wasn't really looking,
but I didn't see anything,
did you?

Well, no, but you were
standing next to me

when his van blew
to kingdom come.

Yeah, the van did,
but who says he was in it?

He wasn't in it.

- Clark did it again.
- Yeah.

Clark is alive!
Clark is alive!

Clark is alive!
I can't wait to tell Emily.

Oh!

Oh...

Oh, David,
isn't life wonderful?

Just when you think
you've figured it all out
and it's awful,

something happens
and you realize
everything's gonna be fine.

And what if I don't feel like
dialing "1" first?

That Clark, thinking he can
pull this stunt on us twice!

Yeah, we showed him
a thing or three, didn't we?

- It's ringing, David.
- Maddie, ease into this.

She's already had
a few surprises today.

Don't worry, if anybody
understands that, I do.

Hello, Mrs. Greydon,
Madelyn Hayes.

Clark is alive!
Clark is alive!

That was terrific.
I like the way you held
your emotions in check.

You got a big career
ahead of you
as a blackjack dealer.

How can I be sure?
Well, it's difficult to explain.

You see, the first kidnapping
wasn't really a kidnapping.

It was Clark trying to extort
money from you.

This is too difficult
to do over the phone.

Mr. Addison and I
will come right over.

And congratulations,
Mrs. Greydon, to all of us.

Oh, David!

I love the part
where we solve the crime.

- I could get used to this.
- We didn't cause Clark's death,

and we actually
earned our $50,000!

Fifty thou.

- We did that, didn't we?
- Yeah, we did.

- Fifty thou.
- American dollars.

The geeters, the mohanski,
the mondo buckos.

♪ Your love gives me
such a thrill ♪

♪ But your love
won't pay my bills ♪

♪ I need money ♪

♪ Hey, that's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ Hey, that's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want,
want, want... ♪

- What?
- You sang.

You just stood there
and sang!

All right.

Okay, I sang.
What are you saying?

- You know what I'm saying.
- The bet? You talking about
the bet?

'Cause if you are,
it's not fair, Maddie.

We had a definite mood going.
I was just--

Singing!

You're something, you know that?
I don't know what.

- You were singing.
- I... I was celebrating!

It was more than a doo-wop.
It was a definite lyric.

You snapped your fingers,
wiggled your hips,

you even closed your eyes
like Ricky Nelson.

Ricky Nelson?! He's white!

So, what does this mean?

You just lost the bet,

O'Neill and Jergenson
just lost their jobs,

and Blue Moon Investigations
just got its social director back.

- Here's an idea.
Double or nothing.
- What?

I bet you, double or nothing,
I can act like a mature adult
for two weeks.

If I lose, we fire Jergenson,
O'Neill and Maildeburg and Dane.

Addison, you lost the bet.
It's over.

Now, that's what I call hospitality.

Wonder where she is.

Now, let's see if
I can understand this.

- David,
she's holding a gun on us.
- We should've wiped our feet.

That first note wasn't
a real ransom note, was it?

- Why are you pointing
that gun at us?
- And if one were to copy it,

and try to convince the world
their son had been kidnapped--

You wrote those notes.

He was no son.

He was a professional albatross.

After that first kidnapping,

I saw the opportunity
to be rid of him forever.

It didn't matter whether
we were there on time or not,

that van was gonna go
no matter what.

It all would have
worked wonderfully

if only I had known the truth
about that first kidnapping.

Sorry to spoil the party.

Shall we go into
the music room?

- What are you gonna do with us?
- Kill you.

I like that.
Ask a simple question,
get a simple answer.

- Nice piano.
- Any idea how you're
going to kill us?

I haven't had a lot of time
to think about it.

Don't let us rush you.

- Mind if I, uh, play something?
- I do.

Stop it. Don't move.

David.

David.

Worked in the third grade,
still works.

Guess there's something
to be said for not acting
like a mature adult.

Oh, I suppose.

Mrs. Greydon.

Yo?

Mr. Addison? Ms. Hayes
wants to see you in her office.

Not necessary.

Not necessary?

Not necessary.

Oh.

Mr. Addison,
what does that mean?

What do you want me
to tell her?

I want you to tell her
not to worry.

Tell her
I'm sharpening my axe.

Sharpening your axe.

Jergenson and O'Neill,

do you ever get the urge

to rip off the old tie,
kick off the old brogans

and trade in this stale,
day-to-day office routine
for a bold new adventure?

Does the phrase
"stop and smell the roses"
mean anything to you?

Let me put it to you
this way, guys.

How much money do you have
in your checking account?

What Mr. Addison
is trying to say

is that we have finally
found both of you

parking places
closer to the elevator.

Right?

Yeah.

Well, I would have sugar-coated
it a little bit more,

but that's basically
the ying and the yang of it.

Yeah. Got a minute?

- What was that all about?
- What was what all about?

Are you letting me
off the hook?

I don't know, maybe I am.

Maybe I'm just saving up IOUs
for the day I'm on the hook.

Maybe, just maybe,

I'm trying to be nice.

Nah.

You know, I would have
made you limbo.

Yeah, I know.

♪ Some walk by night ♪

♪ Some fly by day ♪

♪ Something is sweeter ♪

♪ 'Cause we met on the way ♪

♪ 'Cause we met
on the way ♪