All language subtitles for Kill.Bill.The.Whole.Bloody.Affair.2006.1080p.10bit.WEBRip.6CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

MAN: Do you find me sadistic?

You know...

I bet I could

fry an egg on your head
right now,

if I wanted to.

You know, Kiddo...

...I'd like to believe

you're aware enough, even now,

to know that
there's nothing sadistic

in my actions.

Well, maybe towards
those other jokers...

...but not you.

You know, Kiddo,
at this moment...

...this is me...

...at my most

masochistic.

Bill...

-...it's your baby...

Coming!

Sarah, I cannot believe
you are early.

What you got?

Okay, come on, bitch.

Come on.

Bring it on.

Mommy, I'm home.

Hey, baby. How was school?

Mommy, what happened
to you and the TV room?

Oh.

That good for nothin' dog
of yours

got his little ass
in the living room
and acted a damn fool,

that's what happened, baby.

Barney did this?

Baby, now,
you can't come in here,

there's broken glass
everywhere and you could
cut yourself.

This is an old friend
of Mommy's I ain't seen
in a long time.

Hi, honey.

I'm What's your name?

Her name is Nikki.

Nikki.

Such a pretty name
for such a pretty girl.

How old are you, Nikki?

Nikki, asked you a question.

I'm four.

Four years old, eh?

You know,
I had a little girl once.

She'd be about four now.

Now, baby,

me and Mommy's friend
got some grown-up talk

to talk about.

So you can go in your room now

and I want you
to leave us alone
till I tell you to come out.

Okay?

Nikkia!

In your room, now.

You want some coffee?

Yeah. Sure.

Do you have a towel?

Yeah.

Thanks.

You still take
cream and sugar, right?

Yeah.

So I suppose it's a little
late for an apology, huh?

You suppose correctly.

Look, bitch,

I need to know if you're gonna
start any more shit

around my baby girl.

You can relax for now.

I'm not gonna murder you
in front of your child, okay?

That's being more rational

than Bill led me to believe
you were capable of.

It's mercy, compassion,
and forgiveness I lack.

Not rationality.

Look, I know I fucked you over.

I fucked you over bad.

I wish to God I hadn't,
but I did.

-You have every right
to want to get even.
-No.

No.

To get even, even-Stephen,

I would have to kill you,

go up to Nikki's room,
kill her,

then wait for your husband,
the good Dr. Bell,

to come home, and kill him.

That would be even, Vernita.

That'd be about square.

Look, if I could go back
in a machine, I would.

But I can't.

All I can tell you is that
I'm a different person now.

Oh, great.

-I don't care.
-Be that as it may,

I know I don't deserve
your mercy or your forgiveness.

However, I beseech you for both
on behalf of my daughter.

Bitch, you can
stop right there.

Just because I have
no wish to murder you

before the eyes
of your daughter

does not mean that parading
her around in front of me

is gonna inspire sympathy.

You and I have
unfinished business.

And not a goddamn
fucking thing

you've done
in the subsequent four years,

including getting knocked up,
is gonna change that.

So when do we do this?

It all depends.

When do you want to die?

Tomorrow?

The day after tomorrow?

How about tonight, bitch?

Splendid. Where?

There's a baseball diamond

where I coach
our Little League
about a mile from here.

We meet there
around 2:30 in the morning,

dressed all in black,
your hair in a black stocking.

And we have us a knife fight.

We won't be bothered.

Now...

I have to fix Nikki's cereal.

Bill always said you were
one of the best ladies

he ever saw
with an edged weapon.

Fuck you, bitch.

I know he didn't
qualify that shit.

So you can just
kiss my motherfucking ass,

Black Mamba.

Black Mamba.

I should have been
motherfucking Black Mamba.

Weapon of choice?
Hey, if you want to stick

with your butcher knife,
that's fine with me.

Very funny, bitch.

-Very funny!

It was not my intention
to do this in front of you.

For that, I'm sorry.

But you can
take my word for it.

Your mother had it coming.

When you grow up,

if you still feel
raw about it...

I'll be waiting.

Well,

give me the gory details,
son number one.

It's a goddamn massacre, Pop.

They wiped out
the whole wedding party,

-execution style.

Give me a figure.

Nine dead bodies.

And we're talking
the whole shebang.

Bride. Groom.

Reverend.

Reverend's wife.

Hell, they even shot
that old colored fella
that plays the organ.

It would appear to me somebody
objected to this union

and wasn't able
to hold their peace.

Good gravy, Marie.

What'd I tell you, Pop?

It's like a goddamn
Nicaraguan death squad.

You better shit-can
that blasphemy, boy.

-You're in a house of worship.
-Sorry, Pop.

Well,
this is definitely
the work of professionals.

I'd guesstimate
Mexican mafia hit squad.

Four, maybe five strong.

-How can you tell?

Well, a sure and steady hand
did this.

This ain't no
squirrelly amateur.

This is the work
of a salty dog.

You can tell by
the cleanliness
of the carnage.

Now, a kill-crazy rampage,
though it may be,

all the colors are kept
inside the lines.

If you was a moron,
you could almost admire it.

Who's the bride?

Don't know.

The name
on the marriage certificate

is Arlene Machiavelli.

That's a fake.

We've all just been
calling her "The Bride"
on account of the dress.

You can tell she was pregnant.

Man would have to be a mad dog

to shoot a goddamn
good-looking gal like that
in the head.

Look at her.

Hay-colored hair.

Big eyes.

She's a little
blood-spattered angel.

Son number one?

Yeah?

This tall drink of cocksucker
ain't dead.

I might never have liked you.

Point in fact,
I despise you.

But that shouldn't suggest
that I don't respect you.

Dying in our sleep is a luxury

that our kind
is rarely afforded.

My gift to you.

For fuck's sake.

Hello, Bill.

What's her condition?

Comatose.

Where is she?

I'm standing over her
right now.

That's my girl.

Elle, you're going to abort
the mission.

What?

We owe her better than that.

Oh, you don't owe her shit!

Will you keep your voice down?

You don't owe her shit!

May I say one thing?

Speak.

Y'all beat the hell
out of that woman.

But you didn't kill her.

And I put a bullet
in her head,

but her heart
just kept on beating.

Now, you saw that yourself

with your own beautiful
blue eye, did you not?

We've done a lot of things
to this lady.

And if she ever wakes up,
we'll do a whole lot more.

But one thing we won't do

is sneak into her room
in the night like a filthy rat

and kill her in her sleep.

And the reason
we won't do that thing

is because that thing
would lower us.

Don't you agree, Miss Driver?

I guess.

Do you really have to guess?

No.

I don't really have to guess.
I know.

Come on home, honey.

Affirmative.

I love you very much.

I love you, too.

Bye-bye.

Thought that was pretty
fucking funny, didn't you?

Hmm?

Word of advice, shithead.

Don't you ever wake up.

At this moment,
this is me...

at my most masochistic.

Bill, it's your baby.

Oh, my baby.

Four years.

Four years.

The price is $75 a fuck,
my friend.

You getting your freak on
or what?

Oh, yeah, boy.

Twenty, 40, 60, 75.

Yeah. Now, here's the rules.

Rule number one.
No punching her.

Nurse comes in tomorrow
and she got her a shiner
or less some teeth, jig's up.

So no knuckle sandwiches
under no circumstances.

And by the way,
this little cunt's a spitter.

It's a motor-reflex thing.
But spit or no, no punching.

Now, are we absolutely,
positively clear

-on rule number one?
-Yeah.

Good. Now, rule number two.
No monkey bites, no hickeys.

In fact, no leaving no marks
of no kind.

After that,
it's all good, buddy.

Now, her plumbing down there
don't work no more.

So feel free to come in her
all you want.

Keep the noise down.
Try not to make a mess.
I'll be back in 20.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

By the way...

Not all the time,
but sometimes

this chick's cooch can get
drier than a bucket of sand.

If she dry,
you just lube up with this
and you'll be good to go.

Bon appetit, good buddy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God damn.

You are the best-looking girl
I've had today.

Oh.

Yo, stud! Time's up, buddy.

Coming in, ready or not.

Hey, buddy, did you have
yourself a good time, man?

Whoa.

Ahhh!

Where's Bill?

Where's Bill?

Please stop hitting me.

Where's Bill?

I don't know who Bill is!

-Bullshit!

Well, ain't you
the slice of cutie pie

they said you was?

Jane Doe, huh? Oh, we don't
know shit about you, do we?

Well, I'm from
Huntsville, Texas.

My name is Buck,
and I'm here to fuck.

Your name is Buck.

Right?

And you came here to fuck.

Right?

Wait a minute. Wait.

"Pussy Wagon."

You fucker.

Texas. Okay.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

As I lay
in the back of Buck's truck,

trying to will my limbs
out of entropy...

Wiggle your big toe.

...I could see the faces of
the cunts who did this to me.

And the dicks responsible.

Members all

of the Deadly Viper
Assassination Squad.

When fortune smiles
on something

as violent and ugly
as revenge,

it seems proof like no other
that not only does God exist,

you're doing His will.

At a time when I knew
the least about my enemies,

the first name
on my Death List,

O-Ren Ishii,
was the easiest to find.

But, of course, when one
manages the difficult task

of becoming queen
of the Tokyo underworld,

one doesn't keep it a secret,
does one?

O-Ren Ishii was born
on an American military base

in Tokyo, Japan.

The half-Japanese,
half-Chinese
American army brat

made her first acquaintance
with death at the age of nine.

It was at that age
she witnessed

the death of her parents
at the hands

of Japan's most ruthless
Yakuza boss, Boss Matsumoto.

Hyah!

Hmm.

Hmm.

Oh.

Mommy.

She swore revenge.

Luckily for her,

Boss Matsumoto
was a pedophile.

At 11,
she got her revenge.

THE BRIDE: (IN ENGLISH)
Two years later, at 13,

she enacted her final act
of bloody revenge

against Matsumoto's diabolical
second lieutenant,

Pretty Riki.

The name's...

(COUGHS)

O-Ren managed to salvage

two items of her father's.

One, his samurai shortsword,

and two, hand grenades.

The first was used against

Matsumoto's
pursuing bodyguards.

The second one
was used right now.

By 20,

she was one of the top
female assassins in the world.

At 25, she did
her part in the killing

of nine innocent people,
including my unborn daughter,

in a small wedding chapel
in El Paso, Texas.

But on that day,
four years ago,

she made one big mistake.

She should have killed 10.

However, before satisfaction
would be mine,

first things first.

Wiggle your big toe.

Hard part's over.

Now, let's get
these other piggies wiggling.

Welcome to Air O.
May I help you?

Okinawa. One-way.

(NANCY SINATRA'S
BANG BANG PLAYING)

Hi.

Welcome.

You English?

Almost. American.

American. Welcome, American.

Domo.

My English very good.

You said "domo."
Can you speak Japanese?

No, no.

Just a few words I learned
since yesterday.

Um, may I sit at the bar?

Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Please sit.

Oh.

What other words
did you learn?

Um...

Oh, just a minute.

Shut up!

Get your ass out here!

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, uh, uh...

Uh, what other Japanese
do you know?

Oh, let's see.

Um, "arigato."

"Arigato." Good!

Um...

I already said "domo," right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"Konn-itch-iwa."

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

"Kohn-nee-chee-wah."

Konnichi wa. Please repeat.

Konnichi wa.

Perfect.

Good, good, good.

You say Japanese word
like you Japanese.

Oh, now you're making
fun of me!

No, no, no, no.
Serious business.

Pronunciation very good.

You say arigato
like we say arigato.

Well, thank you. I mean...

-Arigato.
-Mmm-hmm.

You should learn Japanese.

Very easy.

No kidding.
I heard it was kind of hard.

Most difficult.

But you have
Japanese tongue.

Okay, okay.

Oh. Oh, my God.

I beg your pardon?

Uh, drink.

Oh, yes. Um,

a bottle of warm sake, please.

Warm sake?

Very good!

Do you understand?

Do you understand me?

Sorry.

Oh! Oh, oh.
First time in Japan?

-Uh-huh.
-Oh.

What brings you to Okinawa?

I came to see a man.

Oh, yeah.

You have a friend
live in Okinawa?

Not quite.

Not friend?

I never met him.

Never?

Who is he?

May I ask?

Hattori Hanzo.

You must have big rats,

you need
Hattori Hanzo's steel.

Huge.

May I?

You may.

Wait.

Try the second one down.

Funny.

You like samurai swords...

I like baseball.

Then give me one of these.

HATTORI HANZO:
These are not for sale.

I didn't say, "Sell me."

I said, "Give me."

Why should I help you?

Because my vermin
is a former student of yours.

And considering the student,

I'd say you have
a rather large obligation.

Domo.

It was one year

after the massacre
in El Paso, Texas,

that Bill backed
his Nippon progeny
financially and philosophically

in her Shakespearean-
in-magnitude power struggle
with the other Yakuza clans

over who would rule vice
in the city of Tokyo.

When the final sword
was sheathed,

it was O-Ren Ishii
and her powerful posse...

...The Crazy 88,
that proved the victor.

The pretty lady
to O-Ren's right,

who's dressed like
she's a villain on Star Trek,

is O-Ren's lawyer,
best friend,

and second lieutenant.

The half-French,
half-Japanese Sofie Fatale,

another former protegee
of Bill's.

The young girl
in the school-girl uniform

is O-Ren's personal bodyguard,
17-year-old Gogo Yubari.

Gogo may be young,
but what she lacks in age,

she makes up for in madness.

See what I mean?

The bald guy in the black suit

and the Kato mask
is Johnny Mo,

the head general of O-Ren's
personal army, The Crazy 88.

And just in case
you were wondering

how could a half-breed
Japanese-Chinese American

become the boss of all bosses
in Tokyo, Japan...

I'll tell you.

The subject of O-Ren's blood
and nationality

came up before the council
only once.

The night O-Ren assumed power
over the crime council.

The man who seems bound
and determined

to break the mood
is Boss Tanaka.

And what Boss Tanaka
thinks is...

Ahhh!

As your leader...

...I encourage
you from time to time,

and always
in a respectful manner,

to question my logic.

If you're unconvinced

a particular plan of action
I've decided is the wisest,

tell me so.

But allow me to convince you.

And I promise you,
right here and now,

no subject will ever be taboo.

Except, of course, the subject

that was just
under discussion.

The price you pay

for bringing up
either my Chinese
or American heritage

as a negative is

I collect your fucking head.

Just like this fucker here.

Now, if any of you
sons of bitches

got anything else to say,
now is the fucking time!

I didn't think so.

One ticket to Tokyo, please.

Moshi moshi.

(BATTLE WITHOUT HONOR
OR HUMANITY PLAYING)

Hey!

-Hey, yeah!
-Hey, yeah!

(I'M BLUE
BY THE 5.6.7.8'S PLAYING)

Gogo.

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

WOMAN: Yeah!

Whoo!

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo whoo-hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo whoo-hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo whoo-hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo whoo-hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo

♪ Whoo-hoo whoo-hoo ♪

(QUINCY JONES'
IRONSIDE

So, O-Ren...

Any more subordinates
for me to kill?

Hi!

Bingo.

Gogo...

I know you feel you must
protect your mistress.

But I beg you...

Walk away.

Argh!

Argh!

Is that what I think it is?

You didn't think it was
gonna be that easy, did you?

You know,
for a second there,

yeah, I kind of did.

Silly rabbit.

-Trix are for...
-Kids.

Hyah!

Hyah!

Argh!

Hyah!

(CHARLES BERNSTEIN'S
WHITE LIGHTNING)

Aaah!

(NOBODY BUT ME
BY THE HUMAN BEINZ )

♪ I do

♪ Ain't nobody doin' it
but me

♪ Nobody but me
When I go to Philly, I do

♪ Ain't nobody doin' it
but me, babe

♪ Nobody but me

♪ Well, let me tell you
nobody

♪ Nobody but me

♪ Well, let me tell you,
nobody

♪ Nobody

♪ Nobody

-♪ Nobody
-♪ Nobody

-♪ Nobody
-♪ Nobody

-♪ Nobody
-♪ Nobody

♪ Nobody

♪ Nobody

♪ Nobody

-♪ Nobody
-♪ Nobody ♪

This is what you get

for fucking around
with Yakuzas!

Go home to your mother!

Except you, Sofie!

You stay right where you are.

Your instrument
is quite impressive.

Okinawa.

This is Hattori Hanzo steel.

Mmm-hmm.

(SANTA ESMERALDA'S DON'T LET
ME BE MISUNDERSTOOD)

Silly Caucasian girl

likes to play
with samurai swords.

You may not be able
to fight like a samurai...

but you can at least die
like a samurai.

--Hyah!

(MEIKO KAJI'S
THE FLOWER OF CARNAGE)

Sofie...

Sofie...

My Sofie...

I'm so sorry.

Please. Please forgive
my betrayal.

No more of that.

-But still...-But still nothing...

Except my aching heart
over what she's done

to my beautiful
and brilliant Sofie.

I've kept you alive
for two reasons.

The first reason
is information.

But I am gonna
ask you questions.

And every time
you don't give me answers,

I'm gonna cut something off.

And I promise you,

they will be things
you will miss!

-Give me your other arm!

I want

all the information
on the Deadly Vipers.

If you had to guess...

What they've been doing...

...why she
left you alive...

...and where I can find them.

...what would be
your guess?

Guessing
won't be necessary.

She informed me.

She... She said
I could keep my wicked life

for two reasons.

As I said before,

I've allowed you
to keep your wicked life
for two reasons.

And the second reason is...

so you can tell him,
in person,

everything that happened
here tonight.

I want him to witness
the extent of my mercy

by witnessing
your deformed body.

I want you to tell him
all the information
you just told me.

I want him to know
what I know.

I want him to know
I want him to know.

And I want them all to know

they'll all soon be
as dead as O-Ren.

Now,
the incident that happened

at the Two Pines
wedding chapel

that put this whole
gory story into motion

has since become legend.

"Massacre at Two Pines."

That's what
the newspapers called it.

The local TV news called it

"The El Paso, Texas,
Wedding Chapel Massacre."

How it happened,
who was there,

how many got killed
and who killed them

changes depending on
who's telling the story.

In actual fact,

the massacre didn't happen
during a wedding at all.

It was a wedding rehearsal.

Now, when we come
to the part where I say,

"You may kiss the bride,"
you may kiss the bride,

but don't stick your tongue
in her mouth.

This might be funny
to your friends,

but it would be embarrassing
to your parents.

We'll try to restrain
ourselves, Reverend.

RUFUS: Y'all got a song?

How 'bout Love Me Tender?
I can play that.

Sure.
-Yeah.

Love Me Tender
would be great.

Rufus, he's the man.

Rufus, who was that
that you used to play for?

Rufus Thomas.

Rufus Thomas. Rufus Thomas.

I was a Drell.
I was a Drifter.

I was a Coaster.

I was part of the Gang.
I was a Bar-kay.

If they come through Texas,
I played with 'em.

Rufus,

he's the man.

-Have I forgotten anything?
-Um...

Oh, yes. You forgot, uh,
the seating arrangements.

-Thank you, Mother.
-Yes.

Now, the way
we normally do this,

we have the bride's side,

and then we have
the groom's side.

But since the bride
ain't got nobody comin',

and the groom's got
far too many people comin'...

Well, yeah, they're comin'
all the way from Oklahoma.

Right. Well, I don't
see no problem with...

the groom's side sharing
the bride's side.

Do you, Mother?

I don't have a problem
with that. But, uh...

Honey, you know,
it would be good

if you had somebody come.

You know, as a sign
of good faith?

Well, I don't have anybody,

except for Tommy
and my friends.

You have no family?

Well, I'm workin' on
changing that.

Mrs. Harmony,
we're all the family

this little angel's
ever gonna need.

I'm not feeling very well,

and this bitch is starting
to piss me off.

So while y'all blather on,

-I'm gonna go outside
and get some air.
-Okay.

Um, uh,
Reverend, sorry, uh...

She's gonna go out
and get some air.

Yeah. Given her
delicate condition.

She just needs a few minutes
to get it together.

-She'll be okay.
Right.

Hello, Kiddo.

How did you find me?

I'm the man.

What are you doin' here?

What am I doin'?

Well,

a moment ago
I was playing my flute.

At this moment...

I'm lookin' at the most
beautiful bride

these old eyes have ever seen.

Why are you here?

Last look.

Are you gonna be nice?

I've never been nice
my whole life.

But I'll do my best
to be sweet.

Hmm.

I always told you,

your sweet side
is your best side.

I guess that's why

you're the only one
who's ever seen it.

See you got a bun
in the oven.

Hmm.

I'm knocked up.

Jeez, Louise.
That young man of yours

sure doesn't believe
in wasting time, does he?

Have you seen Tommy?

Big guy in the tux?
-Yes.

Then I saw him.

I like his hair.

You promised you'd be nice.

No, I said I'd do my best.
That's hardly a promise.

But you're right.

What does your young man
do for a living?

He owns a used record store
here in El Paso.

Ah. Music lover, eh?

He's fond of music.

Aren't we all?

And what are you doing
for a j-o-b these days?

I work in the record store.

Ah, so...

It all suddenly
seems so clear.

Do you like it?

Yeah. I like it
a lot, smartass.

I get to listen
to music all day,

talk about music all day.
It's really cool.

It's gonna be
a great environment

for my little girl
to grow up in.

As opposed to

jetting around the world,
killing human beings

and being paid
vast sums of money?

Precisely.

Well, my old friend,

to each his own.

However,

all cock blockery aside,

I am looking forward
to meeting your young man.

I happen to be,
more or less, particular

whom my gal marries.

You want to come
to the wedding?

Only if I can sit
on the bride's side.

You'll find it a bit lonely
on my side.

Your side always was
a bit lonely.

But I wouldn't sit
anywhere else.

You know,

I had the loveliest dream
about you...

Oh, here's Tommy!
Call me Arlene.

You must be Tommy!
-Uh-huh.

Arlene's told me
so much about you.

-Honey, you okay?
-Oh, I'm fine.

Tommy, I'd like you
to meet my father.

Hi.
-Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, this is great!

I'm so glad
to meet you, sir...
Oh, uh, Dad.

The name's Bill.

Well, it's great
to meet you... Bill.

Arlene told me
you couldn't make it.

Surprise.
-That's my pop for ya.

Always full of surprises.

Well, in the surprise
department,

-the apple doesn't fall
far from the tree.

-When did you get in?
-Just now.

Did you come straight
from Australia?

-Of course.
-Daddy, I told Tommy

that you were in Perth
mining for silver,

-and no one could reach you.

Lucky for us all,
that's not the case.

So, what's this all about?

I've heard of
wedding rehearsals,

but I don't believe
I've ever heard of

a wedding
dress rehearsal before.

We thought, "Why pay
so much money for a dress

"you're only gonna
wear once?"

Especially when Arlene looks
so goddamn beautiful in it.

So I think we're gonna try

to get all the mileage
we can out of it.

Isn't it supposed to be
bad luck for the groom

to see the bride
in her wedding dress

before the ceremony?

Well, I guess I just believe
in living dangerously.

I know just what you mean.

Son, some of us
have places to be.

Sure do.

Look, we gotta go
through this one more time,

so why don't you have a s...

Oh, my God.

What am I thinking?
You should give her away!

Tommy, that's not exactly
Daddy's cup of tea.

I think Father would be
much more comfortable

sitting with
the rest of the guests.

Hmm. Really?

That's asking a lot.

Oh. Okay. Well, forget it.

But how about
we go out to dinner
tonight to celebrate?

Only on the condition
that I pay for everything.

Deal. We got to do this now.

Can I watch?

Absolutely. Have a seat.

Which is the bride's side?

Right over here.

Mother, here we go!

Now, son, about them vows...

Bill... I just want...

You don't owe me a damn thing.

If he's the man you want,

then go stand by him.

Do I look pretty?

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Oh, good.

What the hell?

No! Bill!

You tellin' me she cut her way
through 88 bodyguards

'fore she got to O-Ren?

Nah, there wasn't
really 88 of 'em.

They just call themselves
"The Crazy 88."

-How come?
-I don't know.

I guess they thought
it sounded cool.

Anyhow, they all fell
under her Hanzo sword.

She got a Hanzo sword?

He made one for her.

Didn't he swear a blood oath
to never make another sword?

It would appear
he has broken it.

Them Japs sure know how
to hold a grudge, don't they?

Or maybe you just tend
to bring that out in people.

I know this is
a ridiculous question
before I ask it,

but you haven't,
by any chance,
kept up with your

swordplay?

I, um...

I pawned that
years ago.

You hocked
a Hattori Hanzo sword?

Yep.

It was priceless.

Well, not in El Paso,
it ain't.

In El Paso,
I got me $250 for it.

I'm a bouncer
in a titty bar, Bill.

If she wants to fight with me,
all she's gotta do

is come down to the club
and start some shit

and we'll be in a fight.

I know we haven't spoken
in some time,

and the last time we spoke
wasn't the most pleasant,

but you've got to get over
being mad at me

and start becoming
afraid of.

Because she is coming,
and she's coming to kill you.

And, unless you accept
my assistance,

I have no doubt
she will succeed.

I don't dodge guilt,

and I don't Jew out
of paying my comeuppance.

Can't we just...
forget the past?

That woman

deserves her revenge.

And

we deserve to die.

But, then again,

so does she.

So I guess

we'll just see.

Won't we?

Late again.

Budd, can't you tell time?

There ain't nobody
in here, man.

Is that Budd?
-Yeah.

Tell him to get
his fucking ass back here!

Okay.

Budd, Larry'd like
a word with ya.

Take a hit. Be somebody, baby.

You looking for me?

I don't know what car wash

you worked
before you came here

that let you stroll in
20 minutes late,

but it wasn't owned by me
and I own a fucking car wash.

Do you want me to leave?

No, I don't want you to leave.
I want you to sit and wait.

Larry,

there ain't nobody
out there, so...

"There's nobody
out there, Larry."

What's your point?
That you're not needed here?

My point is I'm the bouncer,

and there ain't nobody
out there to bounce.

You saying that the reason

that you're not doing the job

that I'm paying you to do

is that you don't
have a job to do?

-No...
-Is that what you're saying?

What are you trying
to convince me of, exactly?

That you're as useless
as an asshole right here?

Well, guess what, Buddy?

I think you just
fucking convinced me.

Let's go to the calendar.
It's calendar time.

Calendar time for Buddy.

-Okay. You working tomorrow?
-Yeah.

Mmm. No, you're not.

You don't even know
what fucking day you work.

Here. You're not
working tomorrow.

You're working Wednesday.
Here you are. There you go.

-Workin' Thursday?
-Yeah.

I don't think so. Friday?

-I don't... There's your name.
If you say so.

There used to be
your name. Okay?

Saturday.
There used to be your name.

Oh.

Uh, Monday...
Here, how about that?

Fucking with your cash
is the only thing

you kids
seem to understand. Okay?

Now, I want you to go home
till I call you.

Till I call you.

Before you leave,
talk to Rocket.

She's got a job for you to do.

And...

the hat,

that fucking hat.

That fucking hat.

How many times
have I told you,

don't wear
that fucking hat here?

How many?

Customers wear hats.

Well, I'm not the boss
of the customers.

I'm the boss of you.

And I'm telling you
that I want you

to keep that shit-kicker hat
at home.

Yeah, Budd, honey, uh,
the toilet is at it again.

There's shitty water
all over the floor.

Okay, Rocket.

-I'll clean it up.
-Mmm-hmm.

(JOHNNY CASH'S
A SATISFIED MIND)

♪ How many times

♪ Have you heard someone say

♪ "If I had his money

♪ "I could do things my way"

♪ But little they know

♪ That it's so hard to find

♪ One rich man in ten

♪ With a satisfied mind

♪ Once I was winning

♪ In fortune and fame

♪ Everything
that I dreamed for

♪ To get a start
in life's game

♪ Then suddenly it happened

♪ I lost every dime
but I'm richer...

♪ How many times

♪ Have you heard someone say...

♪ That it's so hard to find

♪ One rich man in ten

♪ With a satisfied mind

♪ Once I was winning ♪

Now,

that gentled you down
some, didn't it?

Yep.

Ain't nobody a badass

with a double dose
of rock salt

dug deep in her tits.

Not havin' tits...

is fine

or as big as yours,

I can't even imagine
how bad that shit must sting.

And...

I don't want to, neither.

I win.

Bill.

Wrong brother,
ya hateful bitch.

-Budd.
-Bingo.

And to what do I owe
this dubious pleasure?

I just caught me

the cowgirl
ain't never been caught.

Did you kill her?

Well, not yet, I ain't.

I shot her full of rock salt.

She's so gentle right now,

I could perform
a coup de grace with a rock.

Anywho...

Guess what I'm holdin'
in my hand right now?

What?

A brand-spankin'-new
Hattori Hanzo sword.

And I'm here to tell ya, Elle,

that's what I call sharp.

How much?

Oh, that's hard to say,
bein' that it's

priceless an' all.

What's the terms?

You get
your bony ass down here

first thing in the morning

with a million dollars
in folding cash,

and I'll give you

the greatest sword
ever made by a man.

Now, how do you like
the sound of that?

Sounds like we got a deal.
One condition.

What?

She must suffer
to her last breath.

that, Elle darlin',

I can pretty much
damn well guarantee.

Then I'll see you
in the mornin', millionaire.

All right.

Wakey-wakey.

Eggs and bakey.

MAN: I'm done!

Get me outta this hole!

Good.

Whew.

Whoa, look at those eyes.

This bitch is furious.

What did I tell ya?

Is she the cutest little
blond pussy you ever saw?

Or, is she the cutest little
blond pussy you ever saw?

I seen better.

You got anything to say?

White women call this
"The silent treatment."

And we let 'em think
we don't like it.

You grab the feet,
I'll get the head.

-Hey. Hey. Hey!

Wiggle worm, you see this?

You see it, don't ya?

That's a can of mace.

Mmm-hmm. No.

You're goin'
underneath the ground tonight.

And that's all there is to it.

I wanna bury ya.

I was gonna bury ya...

...with this.

But if you're gonna act
like a horse's ass...

I'm gonna spray
this whole goddamn can

right in your eyeballs!

I'll burn 'em right outta
your fucking head.

Then you're gonna be blind

and burnin'...

and buried alive.

Now, what's it
gonna be, sister?

That's a wise decision.

This is for breakin'
my brother's heart.

Once upon a time,

in China,

some believe around the year

one, double aught, three,

head priest of
the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei,

was walking down a road

contemplating whatever it is

that a man
of Pai Mei's infinite powers

would contemplate.

Which is another way
of saying, "Who knows?"

When a Shaolin monk
appeared on the road,

traveling in
the opposite direction.

As the monk and the priest
crossed paths,

Pai Mei,

in a practically unfathomable
display of generosity,

gave the monk
the slightest of nods.

The nod

was not returned.

Now, was it the intention
of the Shaolin monk

to insult Pai Mei?

Or did he just fail to see
the generous social gesture?

The motives of the monk
remain unknown.

What is known

were the consequences.

The next morning,

Pai Mei appeared
at the Shaolin temple

and demanded
of the temple's head abbot

that he offer Pai Mei his neck
to repay the insult.

The abbot, at first,
tried to console Pai Mei,

only to find Pai Mei was...

inconsolable.

So began...

the massacre
of the Shaolin temple

and all sixty
of the monks inside,

at the fists
of the White Lotus.

And so began the legend

of Pai Mei's five-point-palm
exploding-heart technique.

And what, pray tell,

is the five-point-palm
exploding-heart technique?

Quite simply,
the deadliest blow
in all of martial arts.

He hits you
with his fingertips

at five different
pressure points on your body,

and then lets you walk away.

But once you've taken
five steps,

your heart explodes
inside your body

and you fall
to the floor, dead.

-Did he teach you that?
-No.

He teaches no one

the five-point-palm
exploding-heart technique.

Now...

one of the things
I've always liked about you,

Kiddo...

is you appear wise
beyond your years.

So, allow me to impart
a word to the wise.

Whatever... Whatever
Pai Mei says, obey.

If you flash him,
even for an instant,
a defiant eye,

he'll pluck it out.

And if you throw
any American sass his way,

he'll snap your back
and your neck like
they were twigs.

And that will be
the story of you.

He'll accept you
as his student.

-What happened to you?
-Nothin'.

Get in a fight?

Friendly contest.

Why did he accept me?

Because he's a very,
very, very old man.

And, like all rotten bastards,

when they become old,
they get lonely.

Which has no effect
on their dispositions,

but it does teach them
the value of company.

Whew. Oh.

Just seein' those steps again
makes me ache.

You're gonna have a lot of fun
carrying buckets of water

up and down that fucker.

When will I see you again?

That's the title
of my favorite soul song
of the '70s.

-What?
-Nothin'.

When he tells me you're done.

When do you think
that might be?

That, my dearest,
depends entirely on you.

Now remember,
no sarcasm, no back talk.

At least
not for the first year or so.

You're gonna have to
let him warm up to you.

He hates Caucasians,
despises Americans,

and has nothing
but contempt for women.

So in your case,
it might take a little while.

Adios.

A little.

Yes, he is.

I am proficient
in Tiger-Crane style,

and I am more than proficient

in the exquisite art
of the samurai sword.

Argh!

Argh!

No, please don't!

Yes!

Hmm.

(L'ARENA (IL MERCENARIO)
BY ENNIO MORRICONE )

Come on, you bitch.

Okay, Pai Mei.

Here I come.

May I have a glass
of water, please?

(THE CHASE
BY ALAN REEVES, PHIL STEELE,
PHILIP BRIGHAM)

(QUINCY JONES'
IRONSIDE)

So that's a Texas funeral?

Yep.

I have to give it to ya, Budd.

That's a pretty fucked-up
way to die.

What's the name on the grave
she's buried under?

Paula...

Schultz.

Can I look at the sword?

That's my money right there
in that red bag, isn't it?

It sure is.

Well, then,
it's your sword now.

What's that you said?

So this is
a Hattori Hanzo sword.

That's a Hanzo sword,
all right.

Bill tells me you once had
one of these of your own.

Yeah, once.

Yeah? How does this one
compare to that?

If you're gonna compare
a Hanzo sword,

you compare it to
every other sword ever made

wasn't made
by Hattori Hanzo.

Here you go.
Wrap your lips around that.

So...

which "R" are you filled with?

What?

They say

the number one killer
of old people

is retirement.

People got a job to do,

they tend to
live a little bit longer
so they can do it.

I've always figured that

warriors and their enemies

share the same relationship.

So now that you're
not gonna have to face

your enemy no more
on the battlefield,

which "R" ya filled with?

Relief?

Or regret?

A little bit of both.

Horseshit.

I'm sure you do feel
a little bit of both.

But I know damn well
that you feel one

more than you feel the other.

And the question was,

which one is it?

Regret.

You know, you gotta
hand it to the old girl.

I never saw anybody
Buffalo Bill

the way she Buffaloed Bill.

Bill thought
she was so damn smart.

And I tried to tell him

she was just smart
for a blonde.

Thanks a bunch.

Argh! Argh!

Mmm.

I'm sorry, Budd.

That was rude of me,
wasn't it?

Budd, I'd like to introduce
my friend, the black mamba.

Black mamba, this is Budd.

You know, before I picked
that little fella up,

I looked him up
on the Internet.

Fascinating creature,
the black mamba.

Listen to this.

"In Africa, the saying goes,

"'In the bush,
an elephant can kill you,

"'a leopard can kill you,

"'and a black mamba
can kill you.

"'But only with the mamba,

"'and this has been true
in Africa since
the dawn of time,

"'is death sure.'

"Hence its handle,
'Death Incarnate.'"

Pretty cool, huh?

"Its neurotoxic venom
is one of

"nature's most
effective poisons,

"acting on the nervous system,
causing paralysis.

"The venom of a black mamba

"can kill a human being
in four hours

"if, say, bitten on the ankle
or the thumb.

"However, a bite
to the face or torso

"can bring death from
paralysis within 20 minutes."

Now, you should
listen to this,

'cause this concerns you.

"The amount of venom

"that can be delivered
from a single bite

"can be gargantuan."

You know, I've always liked
that word "gargantuan."

I so rarely have
an opportunity
to use it in a sentence.

"If not treated quickly
with antivenom,

"ten to 15 milligrams
can be fatal to human beings.

"However, the black mamba
can deliver

"as much as 100 to 400
milligrams of venom

"from a single bite."

Now...

in these last agonizing
minutes of life you have left,

let me answer that question

you asked earlier
more thoroughly.

Right at this moment,

the biggest "R" I feel
is regret.

Regret that maybe

the greatest warrior
I have ever met

met her end at the hands
of a bushwhackin', scrub,

alky piece of shit like you.

That woman deserved better.

Bill.

I have some tragic news.

Your brother's dead.

I am so sorry, baby.

She put a black mamba
in his camper.

I got her, sweetie.
She's dead.

Let me put it this way,

you ever start feeling
sentimental,

go to Barstow, California.

When you get here,
walk into a florist

and buy a bunch of flowers.

Then you take those flowers
to Huntington Cemetery

on Fuller and Guadalupe,

look for the headstone
marked "Paula Schultz,"

and lay them on the grave.

'Cause you will be standing
at the final resting place

of Beatrix Kiddo.

-Marty Kitrosser?

Here.

-Melanie Harrhouse?
-Here.

-Beatrix Kiddo?
-Here.

Look... I can be there
in about four hours.

Do you want me to come over?

No, no, no, no.
You need me, baby, I'm there.

Okay. I'm leaving now.

You go smoke
some pot or somethin'.
I'll be there soon.

Ugh.

Gross.

-Hi-ya!

"To my brother, Budd.
The only man I ever loved.

"Bill."

What's that?

Budd's Hanzo sword.

He said he pawned it.

Guess that makes him
a liar now, don't it?

Elle?

Bea.

Somethin' I've always
been curious about.

Just between us girls,

what did you say to Pai Mei to
make him snatch out your eye?

Argh! Ow! Ow!

I called him
a miserable old fool.

Ooh.

Bad idea.

Know what I did?

I killed
that miserable old fool.

How do you like
the fish head,

you miserable old fool?

I poisoned his fish heads.

And I told him,

"To me, the word
of an old fool like you

"is worth less than nothing."

That's right.

I killed your master.

And now
I'm gonna kill you, too.

With your own sword, no less.

Which, in the very
immediate future,

will become my sword.

Bitch.

You don't have a future.

You bitch!

You fucking bitch!

I'll kill you! Give it back!

You... You bitch!

I'm going to kill you,
you bitch!

Oh, I'll get you!

I'm gonna...

Where are you?
Lemme at you!

Where are you?
I'm coming, you fucking bitch!

You're fucking dead!
You're dead!

Bitch!

(TU MIRA LOLE Y MANUEL)

Like most men
who never knew their father,

Bill collected father figures.

The first was Esteban Vihaio.

Esteban was a pimp
and a friend of Bill's mother.

He ran a brothel in Acuna,
Mexico, for over 50 years.

His army, the Acuna Boys,

made up of the fatherless
offspring of his whores,

ran Acuna.

He ran the Acuna Boys.

Now, at the age of 80,

it would be this retired
gentleman of leisure

who could point me
in Bill's direction.

Senor Esteban Vihaio?

Yes.

May I join you?

Only on the condition
that you call me Esteban.

May I join you, Esteban?

Please.

Americana?

Yes.

I speak a little Spanish,
if you prefer.

No, no, no, no.
I prefer English.

I haven't spoken it
in a while,

but I would relish
the opportunity to converse

with such a pretty
companion as yourself.

It's my pleasure
to be in the company

of such a fine gentleman
as yourself.

I must warn you, young lady,

I am susceptible to flattery.

How may I
be of service to you?

Where's Bill?

Ah.

You must be Beatrix.

I can see the attraction.

I remember when Bill
was only five years old,

I took him to the movies.

It was a movie
starring Lana Turner.

The Postman Always Ring Twice,
with John Garfields.

And whenever she would
appear on the screen,

Bill would begin compulsively
to suck his thumb

to an obscene amount.

And I knew
from this very moment

this boy was
a fool for blondes.

Mmm.

You know,

being a fool for a woman
such as yourself

is always
the right thing to do.

If we had met
when I was back in business,

you would have been
my number one lady.

Well, I'm flattered.

You goddamn well better be.

This... I heard
you were driving a truck.

My Pussy Wagon died on me.

The pussy died. Hmm.

Bill shot you in the head, no?

-Yes.
-Hmm.

I would have been much nicer.

I would have just
cut your face.

You must forgive me.

Please, you have
a drink with me.

Clara!

CLARA: Coming.

Dos anejo.

Gracias.

What were we talking about?

Bill.

Where's Bill?

Where's Bill? Yeah. Hmm.

Bill is at the Villa Quatro,
on the road to Salina.

I will draw you a map.

Bill is like a son to me.

Do you know why I help you?

No.

Because he would want me to.

Now, that I don't believe.

Ah.

How else is he ever
going to see you again?

(SUMMERTIME KILLER
(AKA MOTORCYCLE CIRCUS))

Freeze, Mommy.

Bang, bang! Oh!

Oh! She got us, B.B.
Mommy got us.

Oh, I'm dying.

I'm dying.

Fall down, sweetheart.
Mommy shot us.

But little did
Quickdraw Kiddo know

that little B.B.
was only playing possum,

due to the fact that
she was impervious to bullets.

I am pervious
to bullets, Mommy.

Hey, get back down there.

-You're playing possum.
-Oh, yeah.

So, as the smirking killer
advanced on what she thought

was a bullet-ridden corpse,
that's when little B.B. fired.

Bang, bang!

You're dead, Mommy. So die.

Oh!

B.B.

Oh, B.B.

I should've known.

You are the best.

Oh, Mommy. Don't die.

I was just playing.

I know.

I told her
that you were asleep,

but that one day you'd wake up
and come back to her.

And she asked me, "If Mommy's
been asleep since I was born,

"then how will she know
what I look like?"

To which I replied,
"Because Mommy's
been dreaming of you."

That's what I said.

Did you dream of me?
I dreamed of you.

Every single night, baby.
Every single night.

I waited a long time
for you to wake up, Mommy.

Now, let me look at you.

Oh.

My, my, my, what a pretty
little girl you are.

You're pretty too, Mommy.

Tell Mommy what you said
when I showed you her picture.

Mmm-mmm.

-Come on, shy girl.
-Mmm-mmm.

Come on.
You know what you said.

Come on. Tell Mommy.
It'll make her feel good.

-Come on.
-Mmm-mmm.

Yeah. Come on.

I said... I said,

"You're the most
beautifulest woman

"I ever saw
in the whole wide world."

That's the truth.
That's what she said.

B.B, don't you think Mommy
has the prettiest hair

in the whole wide world?

Yes, I do.

Matter of fact,
it's better than pretty.

What's better than pretty?

Mmm...

gorgeous.

Very good. Gorgeous.

Mommy is gorgeous.

Hmm.

You know, sweetie,
Mommy's kinda mad at Daddy.

Why, Daddy?
Were you being a bad Daddy?

I'm afraid I was.
I was a real bad Daddy.

Our little girl learned about
life and death the other day.

Wanna tell mommy about
what happened to Emilio?

I killed him.

Emilio was her goldfish.

-Emilio was my goldfish.

She came running into my room,

holding the fish in her hand
and crying,

"Daddy! Daddy! Emilio's dead."

And I said,
"Really? That's so sad."

"How did he die?"

And what did you say?

I stepped on him.

Actually, young lady,

the words you so strategically
used were

"I accidentally
stepped on him."

To which I queried,

"And just how
did your foot accidentally

"find its way
into Emilio's fishbowl?"

And she said, "No, no, no.

"Emilio was on the carpet
when I stepped on him."

Mmm. The plot thickens.

"And just how did Emilio
get on the carpet?"

And, Mommy, you would've been
so proud of her.

She didn't lie.

She said she took Emilio
out of his bowl

and put him on the carpet.

And what was Emilio
doing on the carpet?

Flapping.

And then you stomped on him.

Uh-huh.

And when
you lifted up your foot,

what was Emilio doing then?

Nothing.

He stopped flapping,
didn't he?

She told me later

that the second
she lifted up her foot

and saw Emilio not flapping,
she knew what she had done.

Is that not
the perfect visual image
of life and death?

A fish flapping on the carpet,

and a fish not flapping
on the carpet.

So powerful,
even a four-year-old

with no concept of life
or death knew what it meant.

You loved Emilio, didn't you?

Uh-huh.

Well, I love Mommy, too.

But I did to Mommy
what you did to Emilio.

-You stomped on Mommy?
-Worse.

I shot Mommy.

Not pretend shooting
like we were just doing.

I shot her for real.

Why? Did you want to see
what would happen?

No, I knew what would happen
to Mommy if I shot her.

What I didn't know was,

when I shot Mommy,
what would happen to me.

What happened?

I was very sad.

And that's when I learned

some things, once you do,
they can never be undone.

B.B.: What happened to Mommy?

Why don't you ask Mommy?

You okay, Mommy?
Does it hurt?

No, sweetie.

Doesn't hurt anymore.

Did it make you sick?

No.

It made me sleep.

That's why I haven't been with
you, B.B. I've been asleep.

But you're awake now,
Mommy. Right?

I'm wide awake, pretty girl.

would you like Mommy
to watch a video with you
before sleepy time?

Uh-huh. Mommy, do you wanna
watch a video with me
before sleepy time?

Oh, yeah! I would love to.

-Which one do you wanna watch?
-Shogun Assassin.

No, B.B.
Shogun Assassin is too long.

B.B.: Mmm-mmm.

No, it's not.

Well, then,

I'll leave you ladies to it.

When I was little,
my father was famous.

He was the greatest samurai
in the empire.

And he was
the shogun's decapitator.

He cut off the heads
of 131 lords.

My father would
come home to Mother,

and when he would see her

he would forget
about the killings.

He wasn't scared
of the shogun,

but the shogun
was scared of him.

Maybe that was the problem.

One night, the shogun sent...

(ABOUT HER
BY MALCOLM MCLAREN)

♪ My man's got a heart

♪ Like a rock

♪ Cast in the sea

♪ My man's

♪ Got a heart

♪ Like a rock

♪ Cast in the sea

♪ The sea, the sea
The sea, the sea

♪ Well, no one told me
about her

♪ The way she lied

♪ Well, no one told me

♪ About her

♪ How many people cried

♪ My man's

♪ Got a heart

♪ Like a rock

♪ Cast in the sea

♪ My man's

♪ Got a heart

♪ Like a rock

♪ Cast in the sea

♪ The sea, the sea
The sea, the sea

♪ Well, no one told me

♪ About her

♪ The way she lied

♪ Well, no one told me

♪ About her

♪ How many people cried

♪ But it's too late

♪ To say you're sorry

♪ How would I know?

♪ Why should I care?

♪ Please don't bother
trying to find her

♪ She's not there... ♪

I was just
admiring your sword.

Quite a piece of work.

Speaking of which,
how is Hanzo-san?

He's good.

Has his sushi
gotten any better?

You know,
I couldn't believe it.

You got him
to make you a sword.

It was easy.

I just
dropped your name, Bill.

Ha. That'd do it.

♪ Well, no one told me
about her

♪ Well, no one told me

♪ About her ♪

I suppose the idea is
we cross Hanzo swords.

Am I right?

Well, it just so happens

this hacienda has
its own private beach.

And that private beach
just so happens

to look particularly beautiful
bathed in moonlight.

And there just so happens
to be a full moon out tonight.

So, sword fighter,

if you want a sword fight,
that's where I suggest.

But if you wanna be
old school about it,

and you know
I'm all about old school...

...then we could
wait until dawn

and slice each other up
at sunrise

like a couple of
real-life, honest...

Now, if you don't settle down,

I'm gonna have to put one
in your kneecap.

And I hear tell
that's a very painful place
to get shot in.

I'm just fuckin' with you.

Now, when it comes to you,

and us,

I have a few
unanswered questions.

So, before this tale
of bloody revenge

reaches its climax,

I'm gonna ask you
some questions,

and I want you
to tell me the truth.

However,
therein lies a dilemma.

Because when it comes
to the subject of me,

I believe you are
truly and utterly incapable
of telling the truth.

Especially to me.
And least of all, to yourself.

And when it comes
to the subject of me,

I am truly and utterly
incapable of believing
anything you say.

How do you suppose
we solve this dilemma?

Well, it just so happens,

I have a solution.

-Argh!
-Gotcha!

God damn!

What the fuck did you
just shoot me with?

My greatest invention.
Or at least my favorite.

Don't touch it,
or I'll stick another one
right in your cheek.

What lies within that dart,

just begging to course its way
through your veins

is an incredibly potent
and quite infallible
truth serum.

I call it
"The Undisputed Truth."

Twice as strong
as sodium pentothal,

with no druggy aftereffects.

Except for a slight wave
of euphoria.

You feel it?

-Euphoria?
-Yeah.

-No.
-Too bad.

As you know,

I'm quite keen on comic books,

especially the ones
about superheroes.

I find the whole mythology

surrounding superheroes
fascinating.

Take my favorite
superhero, Superman.

Not a great comic book.
Not particularly well drawn.

Mmm.

But the mythology,

the mythology is
not only great, it's unique.

How long does this shit take
to go into effect?

About two minutes.

Just long enough for me
to finish my point.

Now, a staple
of the superhero mythology is,

there's the superhero
and there's the alter ego.

Batman is actually
Bruce Wayne,

Spider-Man is actually
Peter Parker.

When that character
wakes up in the morning,

he's Peter Parker.

He has to put on a costume
to become Spider-Man.

And it is
in that characteristic

Superman stands alone.

Superman didn't become
Superman.

Superman was born Superman.

When Superman wakes up
in the morning, he's Superman.

His alter ego is Clark Kent.

His outfit
with the big red "S,"

that's the blanket
he was wrapped in as a baby

when the Kents found him.
Those are his clothes.

What Kent wears,
the glasses,
the business suit,

that's the costume.

That's the costume
Superman wears
to blend in with us.

Clark Kent is
how Superman views us.

And what are the characteristics
of Clark Kent?

He's weak,

he's unsure of himself,

he's a coward.

Clark Kent is
Superman's critique
on the whole human race.

Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo
and Mrs. Tommy Plympton.

Ah, so.

The point emerges.

You would've worn the costume
of Arlene Plympton.

But you were born
Beatrix Kiddo.

And every morning
when you woke up,

you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo.

Oh, you can take
the needle out.

Are you calling me
a superhero?

I'm calling you a killer.

A natural-born killer.

You always have been,
and you always will be.

Moving to El Paso,

working in
a used-record store,

goin' to the movies
with Tommy,

clipping coupons.

That's you

trying to disguise yourself
as a worker bee.

That's you tryin'
to blend in with the hive.

But you're not a worker bee.

You're a renegade killer bee.

And no matter how much beer
you drank or barbecue you ate

or how fat your ass got,

nothing in the world
would ever change that.

First question...

Did you really think your life
in El Paso was gonna work?

No!

But I would've had B.B.!

Don't get me wrong.

I think you would have been
a wonderful mother.

But you are a killer.

All those people you killed
to get to me

felt damn good, didn't they?

Yes.

Every single one of them?

Yes.

That was the warmup round.

Now comes
the $64,000 question.

Why did you run away
from me with my baby?

Do you remember
the last assignment
you sent me on?

Of course.

Lisa Wong.

The morning I left,
I was sick.

On the plane, I threw up.

So I started thinking

maybe I was pregnant.

"Easy to use.
Remove cap and urinate

"on the absorbent end
for five seconds."

"Accurate results
in only 90 seconds.

"You can read the results

"as soon as the line appears
in the window."

Fuck.

What I didn't know

was that somewhere
on my journey
I had been spotted.

With me in L.A,
it didn't take Lisa Wong long

to send an assassin
of her own.

Hello, can I help you?

Hello, I'm Karen Kim.

I'm the hospitality manager
of the hotel.

I have a welcome gift
from the management.

Oh, that's nice. Um...

Can you just leave it
by the door?

You pretty good
with that shotgun?

Not that I have to be
at this range,

but I'm a fucking surgeon
with this shotgun.

Well, guess what, bitch?
I'm better than Annie Oakley,

and I got you
right in my sight.

I could blow
your fucking head off.

Not before I put one
right between your eyes,

so let's talk.

Karen...

I just found out

right now,

not a moment before you blew
a hole through the door,

that I'm pregnant.

What is this?

On the floor by the door

is a strip that says
I'm pregnant.

Bullshit.

Any other time
you'd be 100% right.

But this time,

you're 100% wrong.

I'm the deadliest woman
in the world.

But right now,

I'm just scared shitless
for my baby.

Please.

Just look at the strip.

Please!

Stay where you are
and don't move.

I don't know what this
fuckin' shit means.

The box with the directions
is right there.

"Easy to use.

"Remove the cap and urinate
on the absorbent end."

Blue means pregnant.

I'll read it myself,
thank you.

Oh, okay.

Say I were to believe you.
What then?

Just go home.

I'll do the same.

Congratulations.

Before that strip turned blue,

I was a woman.
I was your woman.

I was a killer
who killed for you.

Before that strip turned blue,

I would've jumped a motorcycle
onto a speeding train.

For you.

But once that strip
turned blue,

I could no longer do
any of those things.

Not anymore.

Because I was
gonna be a mother.

Can you understand that?

Yes.

But why didn't
you tell me then,
instead of now?

Once you knew,
you'd claim her.

And I didn't want that.

Not your decision to make.

Yes.

But it's the right decision,
and I made it for my daughter.

She deserved to be born
with a clean slate.

But with you she would've
been born into a world
she shouldn't have.

I had to choose.

I chose her.

You know, five years ago,

if I had to make a list
of impossible things
that could never happen,

you performing
a coup de grace on me

by bustin' a cap
in my crown...

would've been
right at the top of the list.

I'd have been wrong,
wouldn't I?

I'm sorry.

Was that a question?

Of impossible things
that could never happen,

yes, in this instance,
you would've been wrong.

Well?

When you never came back,

I naturally assumed Lisa Wong,

or somebody else,
had killed you.

Oh! And for the record,

letting somebody think
somebody they love is dead

when they're not
is quite cruel.

I mourned you
for three months.

And in the third month
of mourning you

I tracked you down.

I wasn't tryin'
to track you down.

I was tryin' to track down
the fucking assholes
I thought killed you.

So I find you.

And what do I find?

Not only are you not dead,

you're getting married
to some fucking jerk.

And you're pregnant.

I overreacted.

You overreacted?
Is that your explanation?

I didn't say I was
gonna explain myself.

I said I was gonna
tell you the truth.

But if that's too cryptic,
let's get literal.

I'm a killer.

I'm a murdering bastard.
You know that.

And there are consequences

to breaking the heart
of a murdering bastard.

You experienced some of them.

Was my reaction
really that surprising?

Yes. It was.

Could you do what you did?

Of course you could.

But I never thought
you would, or could,

do that to me.

I'm really sorry, Kiddo,

but you thought wrong.

You and I have
unfinished business.

Baby, you ain't kiddin'.

Ha.

Pai Mei taught you

the five-point-palm
exploding-heart technique?

'Course he did.

Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

Because I'm...

a bad person.

No.

You're not a bad person.

You're a terrific person.

You're my favorite person.

But every once in a while

you can be a real cunt.

How do I look?

You look ready.

(THE DEMISE OF BARBARA
AND THE RETURN OF JOE)

Well, well, well.
If it ain't the little flower.

NARRATOR: Good evening,
Mr. and Mrs. America

and all the ships at sea.
Let's go to press. Flash.

Do you have a magpie
in your home?

If you do,
you are most fortunate.

The magpie is
the most charming bird
in all the world.

He is the best friend
a farmer ever had.

Treat him gently.
Treat him kindly.

And always remember,
the magpie deserves
your respect.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Now, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.

I ain't got no headache.

Oh, yes, you have, brother.

(CHINGON'S MALAGUENA
SALEROSA)

(SHIVAREE
GOODNIGHT MOON)

♪ There's a nail in the door

♪ And there's glass
on the lawn

♪ Tacks on the floor
and the TV is on

♪ And I always sleep
with my guns

♪ When you're gone

♪ There's a blade by the bed

♪ And a phone in my hand

♪ A dog on the floor

♪ And some cash
on the nightstand

♪ When I'm all alone
the dreaming stops

♪ And I just can't stand

♪ What should I do?

♪ I'm just a little baby

♪ What if the lights go out
and maybe?

♪ And then the wind
just starts to moan

♪ Outside the door
It followed me home

♪ Now, goodnight moon
I want the sun

♪ If it's not here soon

♪ I might be done

♪ No, it won't be too soon
till I say

♪ Goodnight moon

♪ When you're up so high
How can you save me?

♪ When the dark
comes here tonight

♪ To take me up
to my front walk

♪ And into bed

♪ Where it kisses my face

♪ And eats my head

♪ What should I do?
I'm just a little baby

♪ What if the lights go out
and maybe?

♪ And then the wind
just starts to moan

♪ Outside the door
It followed me home

♪ Now, goodnight moon
I want the sun

♪ If it's not here soon
I might be done

♪ No, it won't be too soon
till I say

♪ Goodnight moon

♪ No, it won't be too soon
till I say

♪ Goodnight moon ♪

(URAMI-BUSHI
MEIKO KAJI)

(BLACK MAMBA THE WU-TANG CLAN)

And action!

Cut.

Oh, come on,
let's do it again.