All language subtitles for Fuyu.no.Nanka.Sa.Haru.no.Nanka.Ne.EP04.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-MagicStar.Eng

AYANA TSUCHIDA
TALK SHOW AND BOOK SIGNING EVENT

Who else would like to ask a question?

You, sir, in the middle
with a brown jacket.

I read in an article somewhere
that your previous work, Ukandeiru,

was based on your own romantic experiences

during your time in university.

But I'd like to ask if this new novel
is based on your experience,

or if it's fiction,

or perhaps what you envision as an ideal.

I'd appreciate it
if you could tell us about that.

Thank you for that question.

Let's see…

If that's my ideal,
things would be pretty crazy, huh?

But…

while sex
is certainly important in its own way,

I feel that too much
gets sacrificed for it.

I think there are more important things.

Yes.

Also, in Ukandeiru,

I wrote quite a bit about the person
who inspired me to start writing novels,

and about my time in university.

But it ended up being a bit boring.

I kept thinking that
since novels are fiction,

I should be able
to create stories more freely,

but why am I bound by reality?

My boyfriend at the time
was pretty lame too.

Well, yeah, so with this latest work,

I incorporated various lies
and imaginative elements.

Thank you.

Thank you.

AYANA TSUCHIDA

Hello.

Ms. Tsuchida.

Yes?

Someone came to see you today.

He was in the back listening
to the talk show event.

Who is it?

-Long time no see.
-What?

Are you serious?

-You were at the talk show?
-Yeah.

What? This is insane.

Hello. I'm Lame Guy.

Wait, it's not like that! I'm sorry!

Are you serious?

I received a message from Mr. Kobayashi
asking if he could stop by the event.

You're doing very well these days.

No, no, I'm nothing compared to you.

You're the hot-seller.

Hot-seller? Are you making fun of me?

No, I'm not.

Oh, but I guess there are better ways
to say it. Sorry.

Well, the truth is,
all I can do is sell books.

Oh man, I wish I had the luxury
of being able to say something like that.

Do you have other plans today?

Why?

I was wondering if you wanted
to go eat or something.

Can you come too?

Oh no,

I have to go back
to the office to finish some work.

I see.

Wait, are you wary of me?

No, it's not like that.

Okay, then let's go.

Let's go.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Niko Kobayashi is a bestselling novelist,

the person who inspired me
to start writing novels…

and also my ex-boyfriend.

This is a fancy place.

Do you come here often?

I guess so.

I see.

Why, is it weird?

No.

I guess it's weird.

-Are you hungry?
-Yeah.

-Let's order something to eat.
-Okay.

-Excuse me.
-Yes.

-Do you have someone right now?
-Hm?

A partner, or a boyfriend?

Yes.

Has it been long?

Yeah.

About a year.

Things are going well between you two?

Yeah, we get along well.

What is it? Are you jealous?

Why would I be?

Do you have someone too, Mr. Kobayashi?

Mr. Kobayashi?

Well, I don't have anyone
I'm committed to.

I see.

Yeah.

So you're playing around?

Playing around?
That's packed with a lot of meaning.

But I'm not having as much fun

as that phrase implies.

By the way, how many people
are you playing around with?

Three… No, four.

You sleep with them too?

Yeah.

They don't ask you
to make it official or anything?

No, I don't stay with people
who say things like that.

So they have boyfriends too?

Yeah, or husbands.

I don't play around with singles.

Oh I just said, "play around."

Yeah you used that phrase yourself.

You don't commit to one person
because it's easier that way?

You could say that.

Enough about me.

After all, I'm lame.

You're still stuck on that?

You're so petty, as usual.

Shut up.

-Here.
-Thanks.

-Ayana.
-Yeah?

Have you read my recent novels?

Not really.

-Sorry.
-I see.

Niko,

what do you think about the novels
you're writing?

What do you mean by that?

Are you referring

to whether it's interesting as a novel
or as a work of literature?

Or regarding its place in society?

Whether it's interesting
as a work of literature.

I wonder…

But I think I love it more now
than I did back then.

Why is that? What caused that change?

The cause, huh?

Well, I experienced many setbacks

and learned my limitations.

Yeah.

Your novel played a role in that too.

In the beginning,

I was constantly comparing myself
to others.

I was being stubborn because I wasn't
getting recognized or selling copies.

Basically,

I only wrote based on
what would benefit me or not.

I kept thinking,
"My novels are works of art!"

But now it's different.

Now, for better or for worse, I can write
about things that won't benefit me at all.

There's nothing bad about that.

What?

I don't think there's anything
wrong with that.

-Is that so?
-Yeah.

I'm surprised to hear that from you.

This is kind of harsh, but…

Don't say it if it's harsh.

The novels that you write

might not be something

that benefits you or me. But…

if that novel can provide solace
to someone,

then I think it's incredibly valuable.

Although it does make me want to die.

You're working hard.

Yeah.

I wish I could've been like you.

What?

Well,

to be able to write
truly interesting novels,

and to write something
that I myself find interesting.

And even with romance,
being able to love just one person.

We made the right decision by breaking up.

Because you and I
are cut from different cloths.

You're still saying that?

I don't know how I appear
through your eyes right now…

But I'm not that different from you.

I'm not the kind of person
you think I am anymore.

There's an Ayana that I don't know about?

Yeah, of course there is.

I see.

-Sorry, I'm going to take this.
-Sure.

Hello? What's up?

I'm at the counter.

Towards the back.

One of the four.

Hello.

Hello.

-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

This is Yoko.

I'm Yoko.

This is Ms. Ayana.

I'm Ayana Tsuchida.

-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

Want to sit here?

How do you two know each other?

Are you guys colleagues?

What do we look like to you?

What?

Is it your new girlfriend?

Close. It's the opposite.

-Stop that.
-Opposite?

We're colleagues.

I also write novels.

We just happened to meet today.

-I see.
-Yes.

What is this? You're being so weird.

You two are definitely doing it, right?

You're an idiot.

-You guys are, right?
-I'll be going now.

-Sorry.
-Not at all.

Let's do this again another time.

Hey hold on…

What was her name again?

-Ms. Ayana.
-Ms. Ayana,

can you please just tell me if you guys

are doing it or not?

That's enough.

Ms. Yoko,

do you like Mr. Kobayashi?

Hey, have some tact.

-And what if I do like him?
-Hey.

-Nothing.
-Yoko, just calm down. Let's drink.

Then, I'll be off now.

-Sorry.
-By the way,

I like your current self too, Niko.

Bye.

Wow.

Who was that woman?

BOOKSTORE

NIKO KOBAYASHI

On that day too,

I was visiting a bookstore to look
for novels written by Niko Kobayashi.

NEW NOVEL BY NIKO KOBAYASHI

I met Niko when…

OCTOBER 2019

It was seven years ago.

I was still hung up
on my previous relationship,

but I went to a club with my classmate En,
since she invited me.

I don't particularly love or hate
places like this.

In fact,

I never really came to places like this
very often to begin with.

-Gin and tonic, please.
-Okay.

-Gin and tonic.
-Thanks.

That person is a novelist.

But even if he's a novelist,
why read books in a club?

Yeah.

Have you read his novels? What's his name?

Niko Kobayashi.

Niko Kobayashi.

NIKO KOBAYASHI

Humans sometimes take fragments

of dreams that don't make sense

and try to force them into a story.

As a result,
dreams become increasingly vague

and inconsistent.

Freud, therefore, found meaning in dreams.

He believed that dreams
were not meaningless chaos,

but rather

that the fulfillment of desires was hidden
beneath this disguise.

By dissecting dreams…

How was it?

How was what?

You were reading Niko Kobayashi's novel.

I'm not finished yet.

But…

I like it.

Did I tell you that he's our senior?

What?

He's from our university.

He's an alum?

No, he's still a student.

He's a grad student?

No, he was held back for a long time.

He's a fourth year student just like us.

I think he's 25 right now.

Are you serious?

You're joking, right?

You're thinking,

"I searched his name,
but none of that came up."

Am I right?

You really searched him up?

Wow.

Then he might be wandering around here
on campus today?

Knowing how he is,
I doubt he comes to school that often.

I see.

Hey, wanna drink?

Drink?

Yeah, drink.

What? We can drink with him?

What's your relationship with him?

I'll tell you next time.

Tell me right now.

What is it?

How did you meet him?

Is that Niko?

He's not looking.

He didn't see you.

-Welcome.
-Hello.

Hey.

-How've you been?
-Doing good.

This is Ayana.

-I'm Ayana Tsuchida.
-I'm Niko Kobayashi.

-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

Ayana read your novel.

-Hey. Stop that.
-What?

This is embarrassing.
Was it the one from the literary magazine?

-Did you actually buy it?
-Yes.

Wow, really?

What can I get you?

Can I have another highball?

Okay.

How was it? Was it okay?

Can I give honest feedback?

I'm scared now.

Why preface it like that?

Of course, please be honest.

So…

it wasn't that interesting,
but I liked it.

It wasn't interesting?

I'm sorry, but yes, it wasn't interesting…

Which part in particular?

Well, up until halfway through,
it was earnest,

and I figured you were writing

about yourself
and your own personal worries…

But?

As the story progressed
from the middle to the end,

the story became convenient…

Or I guess "convenient"
isn't quite the right word.

But the way things spiral
into desperation towards the end is…

Too cliché?

Exactly.

Well,

you're exactly right.

-Did you read it?
-Nope.

What you're saying is exactly right.

Yeah.

But I'm sorry.

That was just my personal opinion.

The thing is,

I didn't originally intend to have
such a dramatic ending.

Oh, really?

It wasn't supposed to be like that
at first.

But I changed it
because my editor suggested it.

How was it supposed to end?

Have you ever read anything
by Toshiyuki Horie?

Yes, a few. The author of Oparaban, right?

Yeah. Toshiyuki Horie

wrote a short story called Stance Dots.

Hmm…

I wonder if I've read that?

The story is set in a bowling alley
on the verge of going out of business,

and I really loved the way it ended.

It was simple yet grand,

and it made me feel lightheaded.

That's actually how I wanted to end
my own story.

So not the ending

where the protagonist's written stories
are ripped up and thrown away?

Well, it still gets thrown away.

But inside the garbage bag,
is also compost and such,

so a crow comes

and tears the bag open.

It snatches a piece
of the protagonist's novel,

and flies away with it.

Then, the story shifts to the perspective

of the torn piece of paper

held in the crow's beak,
as it looks down at the city,

and it becomes a little mystical.

In the corner of this broadened view,

the protagonist is seen walking home
from a convenience store,

rubbing his hands together

in the cold.

And that's the end.
It's kind of hard to explain.

It's so interesting.

-Right?
-Yes.

Wow, finally, someone understands.

Sorry.

Not at all.

Thank you for waiting. Your highball.

Thanks.

Ms. Ayana, have you ever thought about
writing something?

-A novel?
-Yeah.

I've never considered it.

Why?

Why?

Maybe because I like it? If you like it,
you'd never want to write one, right?

-Is that how it is?
-Yeah.

And I don't think novels

are something I'm capable of writing.

Also, because I have respect for it.

I see.

So if you like novels and respect them,
you'd never think of writing one?

Yeah.

I see.

Did you hear that?

Wait, that's not what I meant! Sorry.

But you're right. I agree.

No, hold on.
En, you're putting words in my mouth.

-Me?
-Yeah.

It's definitely you.

Did I say anything wrong?

I'm sorry.

No worries.

But yeah,

going back to what we were just
talking about,

whether it's novels, music,

movies,

comics, or theater,

there are people who love it
and try to create their own works,

and there are people who love it
but don't want to create it themselves.

I've wondered what the difference is
between those two types of people.

I think

that people who are satisfied
with what's available

don't necessarily
need to create anything new.

I see.

So you're not satisfied?

I guess not.

What about you, Ayana? Are you satisfied?

I've never thought about that before.

I'm probably

-satisfied… Or so I think?
-Really?

I really don't know.

But I want to read your novel.

What?

Why is that?

I think I'd like to know
how your mind works,

and what you're interested in.

Yeah.

I see.

He wants to know how your mind works.

You really need to stop the teasing.

Sorry.

I don't mind.

You should try writing a novel.

No, no.

Ever since Niko, En, and I drank together,

he recommended interesting novels to me,

told me about the variety
of literary awards,

and we talked about all sorts of things.

-I've read books by this author.
-Really?

Was it Shiki?

No, not Shiki. It was Ao ga Yabureru.

Yeah, that one is good too.

-Try reading it.
-Okay.

-Thanks for waiting. Here's your highball.
-Thank you.

Can we also have potato salad too?

-Okay.
-Thanks.

-Okay, then. Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

As we discussed novels over drinks,

we were drawn to each other,

and at Christmas
in our fourth year at university,

we decided

to meet at a pub
and exchange books as gifts.

But with the condition

that it had to be a book

that neither of us had read yet.

-Here.
-Thanks.

What a cute bag.

Seriously?

What are the odds?

CONFESSION
KO MACHIDA

I can't believe this.

You know…

What is it?

CONFESSION

It's about this.

What about it?

Will you go out with me?

Oh, is that why you chose this?

Yes.

You too?

No, not at all.

It's the novel I wanted
to read the most right now.

Oh.

How embarrassing.

I see.

Is this a story
about that type of confession?

No, it has nothing to do
with confessions of love.

Yeah.

Here.

Huh?

My confession to you.

Then…

-I accept.
-I accept as well.

I still can't believe this.

-What a surprise.
-Yeah.

About two months
after I started dating Niko…

AOYUKI LITERARY AWARD
APPLICATION MANUSCRIPT

…I finished writing my first novel,

submitted it to a literary contest
for new writers,

and won the grand prix.

NIKO KOBAYASHI

Six years have passed since then,

and I'm working part-time
at a second-hand clothing store

while writing novels.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Then, one winter day
after dating for a little over a year,

we went on our final date
before breaking up.

-Hey.
-You came.

-Girlfriend?
-Kind of.

Good evening.

That was so good.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey, Sawa.

-You decided to come.
-Yeah.

-Yup, I came.
-Nice.

-You guys came together?
-What?

You came with Niko?

-Yeah.
-I see.

Nothing has changed?

Nothing has changed.

Nothing has improved?

Yeah. Nothing has improved.

I see.

Sorry.

-Hey.
-Hello.

Want to finish that and go?

You don't smoke anymore?

Anymore? I never smoked to begin with.

Oh really?

You just assumed?

I have this image of you
in a cafe billowing with cigarette smoke.

I see. But I've never smoked.

But I'm used to places
where people are smoking.

My dad was a heavy smoker.

You don't mind if your girlfriend smokes?

No, I don't mind.

You don't mind the smell when you kiss?

I don't mind that either.

-I see.
-Yeah.

You used to smoke, right? Did you quit?

Yeah, I used to smoke.

I quit when I got pregnant,

but then I had a miscarriage.

Oh right. I think I heard about that.

I haven't smoked since.

-You're doing okay now?
-What?

-Your health.
-Yeah.

Was it some time ago?

It was about six months ago.

I see.

Have you been able to process everything?

Yeah,

I'd say that I'm doing a lot better now.

I'm glad to hear that.

Yeah.

-Wanna go?
-Yeah.

-Bye.
-Bye.

What should we do?

We're gonna talk, right?

Yeah.

You want to go somewhere
instead of talking at home?

Yeah, definitely not at home.

Okay.

Where should we go…?

Here's kinpira and rolled omelet.

-Thank you.
-Thanks.

Shall we talk about it now?

Yeah.

Can I start?

Yeah.

Stop sighing.

I can't help it.

Yeah, I guess you can't help sighing.

Yeah…

So I already told you on the phone,

and I also mentioned it

when we met the other day,

but yeah…

I want to break up.

Okay.

I understand.

Let's break up.

Okay.

Sorry about earlier.

What?

For crying during the live performance.

I didn't mind.

I've been thinking about this ever since
you mentioned breaking up the other day.

Yeah?

I've been wondering
why things turned out like this.

Why?

Well,

because we used to like each other.

You liked me, right?

Don't tell me you never liked me.

I'd never.

Yeah, I liked you.

So I wonder why we've come
to an end like this.

What's the main reason?

-The main reason?
-Yeah.

Of why I want to break up?

Yeah.

I don't know.

We're breaking up,
not knowing the reason why, huh?

Then why did you agree to the breakup?

Because I'm tired.

You're tired?

Yeah, I'm tired.

I ended up tiring out the person I liked,
and then broke up with her, huh?

Yeah. You tired out the person you liked
and then broke up with her.

No need to repeat it.

We're on the same wavelength,
so we can banter like this.

Yeah.

And we both gifted Confession
to each other.

The one by Ko Machida?

That was hilarious.

All of that will come to an end.

A reason, huh?

The reason is…

I just want to be alone right now.

I see.

Being in a relationship with someone

is probably something I can't handle.

You've said that before.

Being in a relationship makes me unstable.

I'm not suited to it.

Is that impossible for you to understand?

I guess I can understand,

but I'm realizing I couldn't
place myself outside that reality.

Outside?

To be an exception.

I see.

-I guess so.
-Yeah.

And to be honest,

I also want to work hard on my novels.

I see.

For example,

I think you can be in a relationship

with someone and still continue to write.

-Yeah.
-Someone

who can inspire
and challenge you, you know?

But for me,

you're not that type of a person.

What do you mean?

Well, I think you were too good.

I was too good?

Yeah. You were too good.

I guess

it would have been better
if we could just leave each other alone.

You couldn't leave me alone, huh?

Yeah.

I knew it wasn't me.

I knew that I wasn't

the right person for you.

What the heck?

Ayana,

you and I are cut from different cloths.

And what I'm about to say
is really pathetic…

But I'm jealous of your talent.

-My talent?
-Yeah.

You're saying I'm more talented than you?

Yeah. You must be aware of that, right?

It's true that when

I read your novel,

I didn't agree with everything.

It wasn't interesting.

But I liked your way of thinking
and your writing style.

I enjoyed spending time with you,

and you were the one

who suggested I try writing a novel,

the one who said you'd like to read it,

and the one who inspired me
to start writing novels.

And

it's not that I'm trying
to catch up with you,

but I started writing

because I wanted to write novels
that I myself would find interesting.

And recently, I won an award,

and I've just started going back and forth
with the editors.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Yeah. I understand.

Earlier, when we were talking about
Sawa's baby,

you weren't overly sympathetic,

and I realized again how much I like you.

You treat everyone the same,
without any bias.

I really like that about you.

I respect you too.

Both as a person, and a boyfriend.

But it's over now, isn't it?

Yeah.

Sorry.

I want to write, in earnest.

That's why

I need to experience loneliness--

You're being naive.

What?

You're being naive.

You won't be able to write
even if you break up with me.

Why do you think that?

You've got it wrong.

It's not like

you can only write when you're lonely,

or that you can't write when you're happy.

That's not how it works.

Are you planning on being unhappy forever?

Maybe.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Because not being able to create something

is more painful for me.

How lame.

That's…

That's just…

What is loneliness anyway?

It's not something you can achieve
simply by being physically alone.

I know that.

But it's just that you've become

a hindrance to me.

Hinderance, huh?

No, I didn't mean that, sorry.

I want you to hate me.

The other day,

I slept with someone I don't even like.

What?

Hold on, what?
What's the point of all this?

I just…

-I wanted to find balance within myself.
-To balance what?

Who was it?

It's not Sawa, is it?

I wouldn't have been
hanging out with her earlier if it was.

Then who is it?

Nagisa.

You're the worst.

You're the worst for having casual sex
with a girl that actually likes you.

You still don't want to break up with me?

I'm such a jerk,

but you still don't want to?

And after having found loneliness,

Niko went through many setbacks
and encounters

and eventually became
a best-selling novelist.

I think

he probably knows better than anyone

that his current situation
is a result of compromise.

But I respect the current stance

he has taken in choosing that path.

It's not something everyone can do.

I don't aspire to do the same, though.

And I read Niko's novel
for the first time in a long while,

but it was indeed something
of no benefit to my life right now.

You were back?

Yeah.

You're not sleeping?

I'm going to sleep now.

NIKO KOBAYASHI

Oh, this is really popular right now.

Yeah.

Is it interesting?

Not really?

Oh, really?

-Can I read it too?
-Yeah.

In fact, you can have it.

Really? Thanks.

When was the last time I was able

to genuinely love just one person?

I want to be alone.

What Niko said back then,

and his feelings…

I feel like I understand them better now
than I did before.

THIS DRAMA IS FICTIONAL

Subtitle translation by: Lili Morita