All language subtitles for Madeas.Witness.Protection.2012.720p.BRrip.x264.YIFY

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Yeah, Walter. Hi, it's George.

I know it's my third
call on a Saturday,

but I'm having a bit of a problem with
the Lockwise Helping Hand account.

Now, I know it's your baby, and I
know you'II straighten it out,

but, well, I'm thinking
of heading into the

office today to see
if I can sort it out.

So, no problems. We'II
see you on Monday.

Don't worry about it. Give
my love to Rebecca. Bye-bye.

- Barbara, stop it.
- No.

- You need this.
- No, I will not.

George!

George, yes. Where is George?

- I would like to speak to him.
- I don't know.

I don't even know who
you are, young lady.

- George.
- Thank God.

George, who is this young lady?

- Here, honey.
- That's...

I can't do this.

That's my wife, Mom.

No. She's too young.

How old is she?

We were married nine
years ago, remember?

She's nine years old?

Our marriage is nine
years old, our marriage.

She's the second one.

No. I adored the other one.

I know, Mom, but, you know,
she tried to kill me.

No, she didn't. That was
just a little hit-and-run.

Yeah, well, I was in
traction for two months.

I don't remember that.

- Here you go.
- I like this one.

- Well, that's the most popular one.
- Yeah.

There you go.

- We aren't done with this.
- Yes, I know. I know.

And why are you wearing a
shirt and tie on a Saturday?

I have to go into the office.

- You're going into the office?
- Yes.

- When?
- Now.

George, aren't you
forgetting something?

No, I'm not.

I love you.

Nice try. Your son.

You promised him you would take
him to his baseball game today.

I'm not telling him this time.
You do it.

Honey, I'II be back in time. The
game doesn't start until 2:00.

1:00.

I'II be back.

Mom, Dad, Grandma isn't eating.

God, I hate old people.

Watch your mouth, young lady.

Why? It's not like she understands
anything we're saying.

You know what? I've had just
about enough of your attitude.

Hello? You listening?

IPod. They were made to
ignore the stepmother.

George?

Honey, would you take those things off,
please, and listen to your mother?

Okay, she is not my mother.

She's the mother of that thing.

- You're the thing.
- You're a thing.

- You're a thing, sister.
- Don't call me that.

Dad, I'm really excited
about the game today.

It's gonna be so cool
having you there.

Jeremy's dad is always there, but
he yells at me if I miss the ball.

Well, that's not gonna
happen today, son.

Now, I've got to
run to the office,

but I'II be back in time
to take you to your game.

You promise?

Scout's honor.

Don't forget. I:00.

He's not coming.

That was the Star Trek sign.

He's a Trekkie.

And so am I.

- Morning, Jackie.
- Hello.

Don't you wish it was
this quiet every day?

Be careful what you wish for.

Gotta be mine

Gotta be strong

A little while

And you got nothing
to be guilty of

You might not wanna
sing that song.

Okay. Shred everything.

My shredder's broken. I
need another shredder!

- Here we go!
- Who's got one?

Don't leave any evidence.
Nothing. Okay?

- Put 'em in a box!
- Let me through. Let me through.

Shred everything! Here, here.
Right here!

AII the boxes!

AII right. Grab those two!
What are you doing?

Just get it in here! Anything!

I got one more!

- Is it the last quarter?
- Yeah.

Dump everything!

George, come in here, buddy.

Come in, come in, come in.

Walter, what's going on?

Hey, listen, pull your
money out of the bank,

cash in all your stocks and bonds
by 1 0:00 a.m. Monday morning.

Why?

Well, CNN is doing one of
those investigative reports

about Lockwise Industries.

That's fantastic. That'II
be great for business.

Not really. They're gonna say we've been
running a Ponzi scheme for seven years.

Well, they can't say that, Walter.
That's libelous.

I mean, this firm's been operating
successfully for over 1 00 years.

Yeah, yeah, they're focusing on the
charity division, Helping Hands.

Helping Hands has been going
strong for over eight years.

I should know. I'm CFO.

Yeah. Yeah, you are.

Could you say that again,
the part about the CFO?

I'm CFO. I should know.

Right. Perfect, perfect. Thanks.

Walter, are they reporting
that it's our division?

Yeah. Your division.

But I have all the records.

Say that again.

But I have all the records.

Perfect. Now shred them.

- Walter.
- Yeah.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that all the monies

that came into Lockwise Industries'
Helping Hands charity investment group

are part of a big,
old Ponzi scheme.

What?

Yeah. Christ.

It worked for a while.

I almost feel bad for hanging
you out to dry like this.

You should see your face, dude.

And by the way, this is not
gonna be pretty for you.

I feel awful.

Horrible.

What? But...

For me?

You were a lowly
accountant, remember?

And then I pull you out of
bookkeeping and make you the CFO.

I mean, you had no experience whatsoever.
None. None at all.

I had worked here five years
prior to that, Walter.

- I was working hard. I thought I earned it.
- You did work hard.

Nobody earns it around here. I
had to bang my way to the top.

And there's a lot of big women
on the Board of Directors here.

And that was hard, and it
was hard to stay hard.

So don't talk to
me about "hard."

Okay? You were paid a seven-figure
salary for exactly this reason.

What reason?

So you could take the fall. Man,
you've been paid to be screwed.

Kind ofjealous. Oh, well.

Walter, I knew
nothing about this.

Yeah, I know. I know. Sorry.

Would have ruined it
if you had, kind of.

Well, that explains why I couldn't
get those accounts to balance.

Now you're thinking.

What about the charities?
Walter, 82 charities.

They think their
monies are safe.

I'm handing you
over to the Feds,

and all you care about
is the stupid charities?

By the way, there's
only 1 2 charities.

There's 82 charities.

No, there's 1 2. The other 70 companies
were set up by the Malone family.

Awkward.

The Mafia Malones?

You've been laundering
money, dude.

Yeah, this is gonna be
really awful for you.

Hey, man, be careful
when you start your car.

This is not happening.

A Ponzi scheme? A Ponzi scheme?

Walter, where are the
investors' monies?

Walter? Walter!

Okay, calm down. Calm, calm, calm.
Calm down.

That's it. That's it.

Just calm down.

I'm not calming. I'm not calming.
I'm not calming.

- Hey, boss, just the person I wanna see.
- What do you have?

So I've been looking into the
Malone crime family, right?

And the more I look at them,

I'm finding that they're
connected to this company

that does a lot of charity
investment work, called Lockwise.

Yes?

I think they may be laundering
money through them.

- We've been after these guys for years.
- Yeah.

Why don't you see what
you can find out, okay?

Okay.

Thanks a lot.

George?

I've been calling you for hours.

Yeah, I know. I know.

How is he?

- He was upset, but he'II be fine.
- That's good.

Is it true?

What?

Come on, George. Don't
play games with me.

AII the wives were talking
about it at the field today.

Honey,

I swear I had no idea
this was going on.

Okay? None.

I walked into the office, and
there's Walter, and he's saying,

"Why don't you shred stuff?
Shred whatever you have.

"Shred what's in your desk.
Just shred everything."

And I'm going,
"What's going on?"

And he's saying, "You're gonna
take the fall for this,

"because it's a Ponzi scheme. It's a
Ponzi scheme, and you're the one.

"You're going down,
'cause you're the CFO."

You know? I mean, they gave
Bernie Madoff 200 years, honey.

What do you think they're gonna do to me?
What do you think they're gonna do?

And what's gonna happen with the kids?
What's gonna happen?

Howie's afraid, you know,
"Dad, you missed a game."

I'm gonna miss 38 seasons.

Sweetheart, I'm in trouble.

- Calm down.
- Okay.

- We need to get a lawyer.
- A lawyer.

And then you need
to go to your mom's

and go find your mom's Valium.

Get a Valium out
of my mom's purse.

- Okay. Can you do that? Like right now.
- Okay.

And you need to calm down.

- Honey.
- It's gonna be okay.

- It will be. It will be.
- Yes.

You know, minimum security.
It's not that bad.

Hey, Madea.

Hey, Lorraine, how you doing?
Good to see you.

Lord, it's a zoo up in there
on the first of the month.

Excuse me, ma'am. You wanna take this?
I don't feel like taking it back.

Thank you so much. It's crazy up in there.
Be careful.

They ain't taking that EBT card.
They stopped taking that.

I got to go somewhere
else that take that.

Yeah, I got to go
burn up my EBT card.

Give me your money.

That's a cute little gun you got, boy.
Get out this car.

Lady, I will stab and shoot you.
Give me your money.

Son, I'm gonna tell you
this one time, okay?

I want you to get out of this car
and go on about your business.

Go get you a job.

You ain't supposed to be stealing
from nobody working as hard as I...

What the hell you got to come over
here and steal from the poor for?

Get out the car. This is your warning, son.
Get out the car. Now, go on.

Then give me your money!

I worked for years to get my Social Security.
Now, I finally got it.

I ain't on no fixed income.

I'm on a broke income,
'cause I'm broke as hell.

Now, I want you to get the
hell out of this car.

This is your chance. Get out of the car, son.
Go on, now. Go get you a job.

I'm gonna ask you one
more time, old woman.

I'm gonna tell you
one more time.

Look here! Get out of this car. Go find you a job.
Do you understand me?

They got people all over the
world that is working hard,

and y'all young thugs gonna come
try to take money from somebody.

That makes me mad. Now,
you about to make me mad.

You about to piss me off.
Now, get on out the car, son.

- I'm gonna count to three.
- Okay.

One, two, three.

Four.

Five.

I thought you was gonna count to three. Son.
Son, son, let me tell you something.

Get out the car and go
on about your business.

Now, this is your last chance. This
is your last chance. Now I got to go.

One more time. One, two...

Three!

Let's go this way.

Put your seat belt on.
You need a car seat?

Come get my money!

Trying to take my damn money
that I worked this hard for.

Lady!

I don't got insurance, lady!

Slow down! Slow down!

You're screaming straight
up like a little biatch!

I want to go home!

You want the money? You come get it.
I come get the money.

- I'm a real thug! I'm a real thug!
- You crazy!

Oh, my God!

Jake!

I'm sorry. Take it.

Hey, what do you got?

Well, just got off the
phone with the SEC,

and it seems that this Lockwise
charity is definitely a Ponzi scheme.

COO, one Walter Burns.

CFO, George Needleman.
Never heard of him.

Let's arrest them both.

Well, it turns out that
Burns is on a private jet,

according to the FAA, to Europe.
Took off five hours ago.

So I'm sure he's gonna fight extradition.
But our boy, George, now...

Boy George? I love Boy George.

Karma karma karma
karma karma chameleon

You come and go You come and go

Sir?

Sorry.

George Needleman? Our guys should be
knocking at his door at any minute.

Great.

Well, it'd be great if we could get
him to testify against the Malones,

but that may be a tall order.

Okay, but no deal for him.

Look, I'm tired of these people
sticking it to the poor.

Sir, if we don't
offer him a deal,

what incentive does he have
to testify against the mob?

It's very simple, Brian.

If he testifies, the Malones
will probably kill him.

If he doesn't, he goes to prison
for the rest of his life.

It's a win-win.

Sir, I think we
should consider...

No, you don't. I want him fried.

Now, get our agents there before
the Malone family gets to him.

Yes, sir.

Hi, it's George Needleman
calling for Jeffrey.

Yes, I'II hold.

Where are my car keys?

You don't drive
anymore, Barbara.

I know that.

Dad, I wish you could
have been there today.

Honey, your dad was very busy.

You suck. You should
probably just give it up.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

And I just tweeted that.

- Dad!
- Howie, stop.

Your dad's on the phone.
Eat your dinner.

Okay, thank you.

What'd he say?

Well, his secretary said that
he would recommend an attorney,

but that he didn't
wanna represent me.

After all those years
of business with him?

Yeah.

What about Jeffrey?

Nobody's returning my calls.

Has anyone seen my car keys?

Mom, you don't drive anymore.

Is it Hanukkah?

No, it's not Hanukkah.

Yes, it is. That's why that nice young man
asked me to deliver this package to George.

And it's a long drive, and
so I need my car keys.

Mom, who gave you this?

In the backyard,

this man with a shiny, black
suit and black, shiny hair.

George, there's a note.

"You tock from me."

"Take," honey. That says "take."

No, I think that's "tock," honey.
T-O-C-K.

Just read it.

Well, the man obviously
needs a spelling lesson,

not to mention his grammar.

Can we open the present now?

Mom, you know what?
Let's not open this.

No, this is ridiculous.

Oh, my God!

- It's a dead rat.
- I know.

What does this mean?

AII rats die.

Oh, my God. George.

Don't move. Just
stay here, okay?

Don't move.

Stay here.

George Needleman?

Yes.

FBI. You're under arrest.

No!

I can't believe this.

You can't make bail. Your
accounts are frozen, George.

Well, here's the thing.

I haven't done anything wrong.
I just wanna go home.

That's not gonna happen.

The Malone family is trying
to kill you, George.

We've been given orders
to keep you protected.

What does that mean?

It means you and your
family are coming with us.

We have a problem
with Needleman.

What happened?

I think Malone's boys know

that we're gonna offer him a
chance to testify against them,

so they sent their signature.

Is he all right?

Yeah, we're getting
him out of there now.

Good, I'II get on the phone with
the US Marshals right away...

No, no. No, no. They can't go into
one of our regular safe houses.

The Malones have penetrated
our guys before.

We need to move him to
someplace safe now.

Good idea. What do you suggest?

I don't know, but first
thing tomorrow morning,

they're on a plane headed here.

You figure it out and tell no one.
Not even me.

Sir, I've got kids at my house.

I don't know what I would do
with a whole family of...

I don't know. You've been a
prosecutor for over a year.

This is a big case for you, Brian.
Handle it.

Jake.

What you doing here?

You know, I'm just
helping your auntie out.

What'd you do?

I tried to rob her.

Boy, what is wrong with you? I thought
you gave up the gang banging.

- What the hell?
- I'm in trouble.

My dad put me in charge of the
church's mortgage payoff fundraiser.

I think I may have
lost the money.

How?

I invested in some company, and
now they won't return my calls.

Jake, come on, man.

I know, and he's gonna kill me!

He just wanted to pay the
church's mortgage off

so that he could
retire in peace.

Look what I did.
And he's so sick.

I mean, those people at the church told
him not to make me trustee of the money.

But you know what my dad did?
"What your dad did, Jake?"

My dad went up there and told
them I was a changed man!

You know what else he said?

He said, "Everybody
deserves a second chance."

- Calm down, man.
- You know? He said, "Everybody."

- Jake. Jake.
- He did that for me.

- And you know what?
- Hey, hey, hey.

Calm down before Madea comes out
and slaps the hell out of you.

Look, Brian, I need you to help me
get this money back from Lockwise.

Lockwise Industries? New York?

Yeah.

That is a Ponzi scheme, man.

I don't know how I can help you
get any money back from there.

We're investigating them.

A lot of people invest in these companies,
and those guys live this lavish lifestyle.

They spend all the money,
so there is no money.

And whatever the
government can find,

maybe it's pennies on the dollar that
they can get back to the investors.

I don't know how I
can help you, man.

Brian, I got to get
this money back.

How much money you talking?

$1 14,000.

You were robbing Madea? Madea doesn't
have that kind of money. What were you...

Jake, don't tell me you were
gonna rob a bunch of old women.

How many little old ladies you think you
gonna have to rob to get $1 14,000?

1 14,000.

Boy, get your ass off
my porch and go home!

Yes, ma'am!

Help me get this money back.

Oh, man. Auntie Madea, man.

What am I doing?

Hey, hey, Madea.

Hey, Brian. Hey, Brian.

Hey.

I don't know why the hell
you go in the bathroom

and leave the toilet
seat up, Mabel.

Hey, Daddy.

Do I know you?

I'm past 1 8 now. You can stop
pretending like you don't know me,

so you don't have to
pay child support.

Hey, son. How you doing? I love you so much.
So good to see you.

You want something to eat? I'm
making a sandwich for Joe.

I wouldn't eat that, son. I
wouldn't eat that at all.

I believe she be trying to kill
me for my insurance money.

You ain't got no
insurance money.

In that case, I'm gonna eat
this sandwich she done made.

I'm not trying to kill you
for no insurance money.

I'm gonna kill you
'cause I want you dead.

I just want you completely dead.

Just no life in you at all. Just not breathing.
Just maggot food.

Here, son, try to
taste that for me.

Hey, I'm not tasting that.
Thank you.

What you doing here, son?
What you want?

Well, I wanted to talk to you, Madea.
I have...

You want some money or something?
I ain't got no money.

You don't need to be coming over
here asking me for no money.

Daddy, I didn't ask
you for any money.

Good. Then loan me some,

'cause I need a little change
for my Friday night lights.

What are you talking about?

I be running them hoes, dawg.
I be running them hoes.

Shut up, fool.

I ain't got no money either, Brian. What you want?
What you come by here for?

Well, I came by
with a proposition.

I just thought, you know, you might
wanna make a little extra money.

You know, the last
time a man told me

he had an opportunity for
me to make a little money,

I ended up in Mexico,
chained to 20 other women,

walking down the street,
just selling myself.

You do need some
money, don't you?

Yeah, I could always use
a little bit of money.

Hell, things been
tight around here.

I was even thinking about
going back to my old job.

- Stripping?
- No.

- Hooking?
- No.

- Robbing?
- No.

- Hit man?
- No.

Slinging?

No.

I did have some hustle
back in my day, though.

I was doing a thing. I was
doing a thing back then.

I done got the better now.

Good those days are over here, 'cause
you too big to be on a pole, Mabel.

I'm gonna tell you right now about that pole.
You know, they done switched them.

When you was back there dancing,

they had them telephone
poles you used to swing on.

Now, they got them little brass poles.
I seen them.

You'd bend or broke one of them.
You'II bend it.

Your big ass'II
break that brass.

Big ass and brass don't mix.

Joe, shut up, please. Just die. Stop breathing.
Okay? Stop breathing.

I'm talking about going back to work at
an old folks' home where I used to work.

No, no, you don't have to do that.
I got a great idea.

AII right, here's the situation.

I've got five people that are
in a little bit of trouble.

One of them is a witness on
a case that I'm working on.

And I was wondering if they
could stay here for a while.

Just for a couple of months
until the trial is over, maybe?

Here? No.

You better shut that up now.
Ain't nobody coming up in here.

Hell to the no. Ain't nobody...

You better hush that up now.
Ain't nobody coming up in here.

- Daddy.
- What?

No, that's just crazy.

Have some criminal up in this house,
looking all crazy, and police looking...

Hell, that's how Mabel live every day, ain't it?
That's your life.

Shut up, rectum.

Go to hell.

Is somebody after them?

Yes, ma'am.

But, wait a minute. I would
not ask you to do this.

You're my aunt. I know
they'II be safe here.

Not one person would know they're here.
This is the safest place for them.

That's some bull. He's trying
to sell you a load of bull.

- What'd they do?
- I can't tell you that.

But I can tell you this.
I can tell you this.

You know, you, you pack. You know?
Ain't nobody gonna mess with you.

And this is the safest
place for them.

You could be like their
witness protector, Madea.

Look here, don't be trying to
butter me up and all that stuff.

I see what you're
trying to butter me up.

Yeah, I know I'm packing.

I know I can hold some things down, but,
no, I don't want nobody up in here.

I'm sorry. Absolutely not.

I cannot do that. You're gonna have to
find somewhere else for them to go.

The answer's a flat-out no, and
I am not changing my mind.

My no mean "no,"
my yes mean "yes."

And my "maybe" mean "get
the hell out." I'm sorry.

Absolutely not. Flat-out no. Ain't gonna happen.
Get on out of here. No.

Too bad, then.

I'II just tell my boss we'II have to
find somewhere else for them to stay.

Guess some other lucky person
will make that $4,000 a month.

You know what?

I believe it would be the greatest
Christianity thing I could do

to help somebody in need.

So I'm gonna go ahead and make
up these sheets and clean up.

Mabel, you know, I believe I'm gonna
go drag that cot out of that garage.

I got a cot back there, and we
can put a sheet up in my room.

We could share, make sure we got
enough room for everybody up in here.

So is that a yes?

Ain't nothing wrong with that cot.
Ain't nothing wrong with it at all.

Got a little mold growing in it, but that's all right.
As long as you don't breathe...

Where the hell are we?

Honey, we are in the South.

Yes, ma'am.

And it brings back
pretty fond memories.

Of what, Grams?

A boat and a man, and...

My, he had such a big...

Boat.

Hi. George?

Yes, I'm George,

and this is my daughter, Cindy, and
my wife, Kate, and my son, Howie,

- and my mother, Barbara.
- Hi, how are you?

The man in the boat.

Don't have a clue.

Cute man.

Well, I'm Brian Simmons,

and I just want all of you to know
you're gonna be in safe hands, okay?

I'm a federal prosecutor,

and we have a very safe place
for you and the entire family.

Well, here we go, kids.

This way, ma'am.

Place looks haunted.

Is this neighborhood safe?

- It's very safe.
- Okay.

There's no safer place for you
and your family. Trust me.

This is not a hotel.

Okay, Madea's gonna
love this one.

Madea?

How's my favorite aunt, Madea?

That Brian? Come on in.

The family's here that I
was telling you about.

Hello.

Brian, what the hell's going on?

Madea, this is the family
that I was telling you about.

You forgot to mention one little
important thing about this family.

What's that?

Don't play with me.

Madea, these are the Needlemans,

and they'II be staying
with you for a few months.

What? Months?

Are you joking?
What, is he joking?

Cindy.

Dad, I can't stay here.

What, are we sharecroppers now?

Honey, not nice.

Hi, I'm George.

And I'm his mother, Barbara.

And I'm his wife, Kate, and these
are our kids, Howie and Cindy.

I'm his child. I'm
not her daughter.

Dad, I can't stay here.

You know, I think it's
kind of nice here.

- I like it.
- Yeah, you would, you moron.

- Would you...
- This is great. Just great.

- Honey.
- Yeah, "vacation" my ass.

Hello, trip from hell.

Okay. Look here,

would y'all go on into the living
room and have a seat, please?

I would like to talk to my
nephew in private just a moment.

Thank you so much for...

It's gonna be so lovely
having all of y'all here.

Yes, just wonderful. Wonderful.

We'II be right in.

- What did you do that for?
- What the hell wrong with you?

You done brought these folks up in this house.
What is wrong with you?

Madea, listen. Okay, I know that
they're not African-American.

I don't care nothing about
the color of their skin.

I wanna know how in the hell I'm
supposed to hide five white folks

in a neighborhood where we ain't
even got white cats or white cars.

Ain't nothing white around here. If
the police come in this neighborhood,

they don't even come in a white car.
They send a black SUV.

I understand, but listen, listen. I
know that you can figure it out.

I know you'II work it out.

Boy, hear me clearly and
good when I say this to you.

Son, I don't know how
to hide these people.

You can do it. $4,000 a month.
$4,000.

You ain't listening to me, son.

These people are gonna
stick out around here

Iike I would stick out at
a Republica Convention.

Do I look like I'm a Newt Ginger fan?
Do I look like I like Newt Gingery?

Madea, okay, okay. But you'II figure it out.
I know you'II figure it out.

Are we sitting on plastic?

Mabel, I can't find
the phone book.

I'm trying to find somebody.
Where are the White Pages?

My.

The man in the boat.

Hello.

Hey.

Mabel, they white folks.

Really? I didn't notice.

Come on. I'II introduce you.

Needleman family, this is my father, Joe.
You already met my Aunt Madea.

Dad, this is Howie, Kate,
George, Cindy, and Barbara.

It looks like she's
undressing me with her eyes.

Now, I'm sure that the agents told
you, but I just want to reiterate.

You can't have any contact with anyone
from your past as long as you're here.

Do you understand?

Dad?

Honey, I'm sorry.

This is crazy.

You suck.

Did she just say...
I know she...

Did that child just say
she sucked to her daddy?

Lord, have mercy. What generation is this?
You can't...

You better hurry up and get
them the hell out of here.

Mabel gonna kill
that little girl.

But, Cindy, this is only until the trial is over.
Isn't that right, Brian?

Yes, just until the
trial is over.

I hate you.

That girl says she hate him. Oh, Lord,
somebody gonna have to help me.

God, help me. God, help me.

George, I know it's been a rough
day for you, so I tell you what.

I'II come by tomorrow morning
about 9:00, pick you up.

We'II go to the office and begin
working on this case, okay?

So, Madea, why don't you show your
house guests where they'II be staying?

Yeah, go on and show them, Mabel. I
ain't trying to go up there with them.

That one right there, I don't
like the way she's looking at me.

Well, you can show me to the door.
I'm getting back on that plane.

- Honey.
- Excuse us.

- You don't talk like that. Watch your mouth.
- Are you kidding me? Seriously.

Your ass trying
to get me a case.

That's what you trying to do.
You're trying to get me a case.

Better get a speedy trial. I'm
gonna tell you that right now.

I'II get a speedy trial.

What's happening to us?

Kate, if I'd known

that taking care of my family would
lead us to this, I would've...

This wasn't about family.
This was about you.

We have way more than we needed.

This was about greed.

You know, sweetheart,

I seem to recall you were very
happy with my promotion, too.

What were you thinking?

I don't know. I wasn't even
aware this was going on.

You're not aware of a lot
of things going on now.

- Kate...
- I don't wanna talk about this.

I'm gonna unpack my
bag and go to sleep.

We're done. It's done.

It's gonna end just like that?

Come on, man. Don't
let her pimp you.

She wanna go to sleep?
Knock her ass out.

Joe, shut the hell up. They're
having a private conversation

in a room about not being
aware of what's going on.

If he ain't aware, that is
between the two of them.

Shut up. Let them have their
private moment, please.

When a door is closed, that mean you
ain't supposed to be listening.

Leave them people alone.
Shut the hell up.

- Mabel, you shut up.
- No, you shut the hell up.

Mabel, I'm older than you. I'II do
whatever the hell I want to do.

Yeah, it's my house. You
gonna shut up up in here

or I'm gonna come up and
cut your vocal cords out.

You ain't gonna be able
to say a damn thing!

Good night.

What the hell?

Boy! Boy!

Is that you farting, son?

It wasn't me.

Fart one more time. That's
all I'm gonna tell you.

Fart one more time.

In here farting like that.

What's wrong with you, boy?
That's doggone insane.

Hello, Joe.

You wanna give it a go?

Mabel.

Mabel, they trying to get me.

No, no, trying to get me

Iike they get them football players
and them basketball players.

I don't think so. No, no, no.

I won't bite.

Lord, Lord, Lord.

You staring at me?

No, no, I wasn't staring at you.

Okay.

I was watching the wildebeest
in its natural habitat, though.

Excuse me?

That's not nice.

Yeah. Her butt must be hungry, 'cause
it's chewing that dress alive.

If you need anything,
anything at all,

I'm just a whisper away.

AII you got to do is whisper.

Okay, I think I'm done.

Where you rushing off to?

- Yoga's over.
- Okay.

Creepy.

- Hi.
- How you doing?

- I'm good. Thank you.
- I see you was up in there doing that yoda.

It's yoga.

No, baby, I don't have no yogurt.
I don't eat that.

That mess my stomach up. It's got
that abiffidus bacalarus in it.

I can't have that. So you go on
and get yourself something else.

I might have some in that fridge
there, but I don't eat it.

Well, it looks like
you've been cooking.

Yeah, I wanted to feed your family
their first day in my house.

I wanted to make sure y'all had
something really good to eat.

So I got some waffles, some biscuits, I
got some pancakes, I got some bacon,

I got ham. I put a lot
of butter on the ham,

a lot of salt and pepper,
make it nice and flavorful.

I got oatmeal on the stove.

I got sausage,

and I got eggs and grits
and everything else.

Y'all betterjust feast.

It looks so good.

It's a lot of carbs.
You like carbs?

- It's a lot of...
- Carbs.

No, baby, I don't eat crabs.
You can't eat no crabs.

You gonna have crabs and yogurt?
You about to mess your stomach up.

Ain't no seafood on here, honey.
I'm allergic to seafood.

Ain't no seafood here nowhere.

Is that how you stay so thin?

No, honey, I don't eat that stuff.
Where your family?

They're sleeping still.

What? They got to get up.

No, baby, your children got to go to school.
I got to get them registered,

and George is supposed to see Brian
down at the attorney's office.

So, no, no, no, you
got to get them up.

Okay, well, I was just gonna let...
You know, they're so exhausted.

- No, I'II go get them up.
Here, you take this. - Okay.

Take this and stir
that real good.

- Whip it real, real good. You understand?
- Yeah, I understand.

AII right, you need to
put something... Here.

Here, put this on. Put
this on while you whip.

- You don't wanna get that on you.
- Okay. No.

- Put that on. Okay, whip it.
- Thank you.

- Whip it real good.
- I will.

George, get up out
this bed, son.

Kate.

I had this horrible dream

that we were in
trouble with the FBI,

and we moved into this house with
an old woman who looked like...

Like what?

You.

It's not a dream. It's
really happening.

I'm in so deep.

George, you need to get up out this bed.
Brian is waiting for you down at the office.

He said he was gonna have you
come down there this morning.

Now, get up on out this bed.

My life is over. I'm not
getting out of this bed.

There's no reason to
get out of this bed.

You need a reason?
You need a reason?

You better get your
ass out this bed.

Is that enough reason for you?

Let me tell you something, son.

I don't allow nobody to feel sorry
for themselves in my house.

I don't know what you did.
I don't care what you did.

Do you understand?

I need you to get up out
this bed, come downstairs,

have breakfast with your family, Brian
is waiting on you down at the office

to talk about whatever
y'all need to talk about.

It ain't my business. I don't wanna know,
but you gonna get up out this bed.

If I come back up these stairs,
and you still in this bed,

do you have any idea
what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna get completely naked, and
get up in there with you and spoon.

I'm up.

Thank you.

I am definitely up. You
don't have to come back.

I'm coming right down.
I'm coming right down.

I'm on my way.

Get up, son.

What's wrong?

You just scared me.

You're just so huge. Like
a giant bag of Skittles.

AII right, you better
get the hell up,

or when I come back up in here,
you know what's gonna happen?

You gonna taste the rainbow.

- Now, get up.
- I'm up. I'm up.

Probably dreaming about Skittles
and Coca-Cola and Pepsi,

diet soda and Mountain
Dew and Honey Buns,

and damn Krispy Kreme
and everything else.

So you're up?

There you are, Sadie. You
must iron the sheets.

Mr. Needleman gets very angry
if there are any wrinkles.

Honey, who the hell is Sadie?

Don't you use that kind
of language with me.

'Cause I'II have you fired.
Do you understand?

Mrs. Needleman. Okay, I get it.

The mall is open, but there
ain't nobody in there shopping.

What's that smell?

It's called food. I'm cooking.

It smells up the whole house.
It permeates.

Thank you. You always were the best
colored help we could ever find.

Okay, Brian playing
a joke on me.

I'm being Punk'd. I know I'm being Punk'd.
Where the camera at?

Little girl, I need
you to get up, honey.

Go away.

Never had no child talk to
me like this before. Lordy.

Honey, I got to bring y'all down to school
and get you registered. Now, get up.

I said, go away.

She just yelled at me in my house.
I don't know what she...

Little girl, I'm gonna
tell you one more time...

I said, go away!

I know she didn't just...

Who the hell you think
you talking to?

Oh, my God! What
is wrong with you?

This is my house.

You live by my rules when
you are in my house.

You're too young for that, little girl.
You don't want none of this.

Please, do yourself a favor, honey.
You do not want none of this.

Behave while you're here.
If not, you will...

Girl, you...

Girl, you just don't know...

I don't know who she
thinks she's talking to.

She's insane.

Hello?

Is that you, son?

- Yes, sir.
- Well, come on in here.

What are you doing here, Dad?

Well, I'm feeling
better, much better.

No, you're not. You're
supposed to be at home in bed.

I just had to stop by here to
make sure everything's all right.

It's all fine.

I've decided to tell the church
the third Sunday I'm retiring.

I thought you were gonna
wait till summer to do that.

No, I can't do that, son.
I'm too tired.

It'II sure make the
burden so much easier

to know that everything I've worked for
all these years is gonna be looked after.

I am very proud of you, son.
Really proud of you.

Don't be proud of me.

Are you kidding me? I have to
tell you I'm proud of you.

You know something?
After your mother died,

I wasn't sure you
were gonna make it.

You were so far out
there in those streets.

But, praise the Lord,
look at you now.

Helping me run the church, handling
our mortgage payment fund.

No, I am very proud of you, son.

You know, the congregation is
gonna be a little bit upset

when I tell them that I'm
retiring, so to ease the pain,

I'm going to tell them that we have
raised the money to pay off the church.

They're gonna rejoice.

Well done, son.

Yes, sir.

I don't see her out here. Y'all come on.
Come on. Hurry up.

She always nosy as hell, over
there looking at everything.

Hurry up.

- Come on. Get in the car.
- Madea.

Madea.

Hey, Hattie.

How you doing?

- I'm good, baby.
- Open the door.

- Come here a minute.
- I can't talk to you right now, honey.

This my cousins, and they done lost all
the pigmentation in their skin overnight.

- Your cousins?
- Yes.

Can I help you?

No, I got to take them
to the doctor right now.

I'II see you later on.
Take care.

And that's all you know?

That's all I know. I swear it.

I don't believe you.

I'm telling you the truth.

You're going to jail
for a very long time.

I can't go to jail. I
didn't do anything wrong.

George, calm down, okay?

For what it's worth,
I believe you.

Oh, boy, somebody believes me.
Isn't that wonderful?

Let's crack open some champagne,
because somebody believes me.

Oh, God, I'm in trouble.

I think they can believe you, too, but
you have to help me make them believe.

Just tell me what
you want me to do.

What do I need to do here?

Okay, that's a good attitude, George.
Really good attitude.

Everything that wasn't shredded
or destroyed is in these files.

This is your ticket to freedom. You're the CFO.
I'm sure you can find it.

Okay, well,

this is the crux of the
problem here, Brian,

because I can't seem to find
anything in here that will help.

I wanna help you. I really do.

It doesn't make any sense
for me not to wanna help.

Now does it? Does it? No. No.

I mean, don't you think I
would help if I could?

- Are you okay?
- No, I just...

I feel like I... I
wanna hit something.

Hit the chair. Hit something.

I'm sorry.

That was a lovely evening.

There ain't never been no evening, lady.
I don't know you.

Stop it. There's no one around.

Read my lips, honey.
I don't know you.

You're the man in the boat.

I ain't never had no boat.

I bet if I showed you my
tattoo, you might remember.

What tattoo? What you
fixing to show me?

I believe you need to see a
doctor about that, honey.

No, that's Betty Boop.

It might have been Betty Boop at one
time, but Betty Boop done drooped.

Betty Boop.

You brought me over
in your little boat.

Lady, for the last time, okay?
First of all, you insulted me.

'Cause I wouldn't
have a little boat.

I'm not a canoe kind of man.
You understand?

I'm a yacht, a cruise ship,
Noah's Ark up in this piece.

Only time I was ever in a boat was that
little rowboat belonged to the Army

when I was in New
Orleans many years ago.

I'd take people across the water over
there from the bayou to the juke joint,

and I'd charge them a nickel
to get them over there.

And they'd all take the ride and everything.
I'd give them their change.

And somebody gave me a
50-cent tip that night.

You Barbara Betty Boop.

Yes, I was a nurse in Company B.

Yeah, I was in Company C over
there with the colored troops.

Me and a couple of my girlfriends followed
you guys all the way to your barracks.

Yeah, I remember it
was four of you.

It was Blanche, Rose,
Dorothy, and you.

I don't even know how you
remember that, honey.

That was 56, 57 years ago.

Fifty-three.

Because George is 52.

What that got to
do with anything?

What day is it?

Lady, don't you start...
What you trying to tell me?

Where am I?

I think you believe you're trying
to tell me something about George.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Hey.

I don't know where I am.

George?

- Brian.
- Jake.

You cannot keep calling
me like this, man.

I'm in the middle of an investigation.
What are you doing?

My dad wants to announce that he's paying
the church's mortgage off in three weeks.

I mean, what am I
supposed to do?

Tell him the truth.

That will kill him.

He'II be very happy that
you told him the truth.

I can't. I can't do it.

Jake.

That's him. That's the
dude from the news!

I ought to kill you!

- Who is this?
- I'm your worst nightmare.

Will you just...

You're my worst... I got news for you.
I'm living my worst nightmare, okay?

And besides, you're a little short
to be a nightmare, aren't you?

I'm short? He called me...
He called me short?

I'm gonna bust your balls!

Well, why don't you get in
line and bust my balls?

Because everybody else
is busting my balls.

I don't have any balls left, mister!
How about that?

I'm gonna... Get off.

Calm down. Nobody's
kicking balls.

George, Jake, I need
you both to calm down.

Is everything all
right out there?

Everything's fine.

Just keep working.
It's all good.

George, this is Jake.

His father has a church, and they
were gonna pay off their mortgage,

and they invested the money in
Lockwise, and they lost it all.

So he's a little bit upset.

- I'm sorry.
- You...

That's all you got to say?
Is you sorry?

- Jake.
- Hell...

Yeah. Okay, okay. You
better watch yourself,

or I'm gonna give you a...

You see this? Big five. Big five.
And you're gonna get it.

If I didn't have to go to the
bathroom, you'd be in...

- Where's the bathroom, Brian?
- Okay.

Third door on the left.

- Third door on the left.
- Yeah.

Big five?

Jake, go home.

Get a grip, okay?
Tell him the truth.

If anything comes
up, I'II call you.

Can't you just go home?
Elevator's right there.

How tall are you, son?

About 6 feet.

- About 6 feet?
- Yeah.

Okay. Check.

You like soul music?

I do. I do. I love soul music.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Find out what it mean to me.

No, I dig it.

You dig it. You dig it?

Check.

Your hair's really
thick and curly.

Always been that
thick and curly?

Yeah, it has.

When I was a kid, I
had an afro that was,

you know, large.

To here. Big, big hair.

No, you said it right. You had an afro.
You didn't offend me. You had an afro.

That's what you called it, an afro.
Check.

An afro.

Can you swim, son?

No. No.

I never got the
hang of swimming.

Never got the hang of it.
Yup. Check.

Hey, I was looking at your
wife, she was doing that yoda.

And she got a nice little butt.

But it ain't no booty, you know?

You like a butt, or
you like a booty?

You like a booty, one that's a big, old
booty to grab like handlebars and use?

Steer that thing where you
want it to go, you know?

To be honest,

I love my wife.

She can't hear you. She can't hear.
Man-to-man, go on and tell me.

Do you like a little cute, nice little
butt, or do you like a big butt

that you can grab that thing
and slap it like handlebars?

Well, I would like a
little more on the bottom.

Harley-Davidson.

- A Harley?
- Yeah.

Junk in the trunk.

Some junk in the trunk.
Yeah, more junk.

As long as you're asking.

I got one last
question for you, son.

When you go to the bathroom
and you're at the urinal,

do you stand there like this?

Or do you just happen to
stand there like this?

Well...

And when you're finished,
do you have to do this?

Which one is it for you, son?
Which one?

Well, more like the second part.

Without the thing at the end.

Check.

Damn. I'm your daddy.

Excuse me?

Do you have any Wi-Fi?

Well, if you ask me nice, I'II
get up and I'II make you some.

Excuse me. How do
you make Wi-Fi?

Son, you use some flour, put a little
water in it, some powdered sugar,

you mix it up real good,
and you get your skillet,

or you get you one
of them Wi-Fi irons,

and you pour it in the Wi-Fi
iron and you close it up.

I got a Wi-Fi iron in there.

What are you talking about?

He asked for a Wi-Fi, I got a waffle.
You want a Wi-Fi? I got a waffle.

Wi-Fi. Internet.

I don't have none of that.

Ain't no technology around here at all.
We've been left in the Dark Ages.

It figures.

Howie.

Honey, why do you need
to get on the Internet?

I'm supposed to do a report.

I'II help you with your report.
Okay, honey?

It doesn't really matter.
I mean, he's gonna fail.

- He's dumb like his mother.
- Enough.

Go to hell, Kate.

Did that child just
say, "Go to hell"?

You all right?

Yeah. Thanks.

Come on, sit down
and talk to me.

That child right there. Lord, that
little girl about to make me hurt her.

I know. I'm trying
to be understanding.

Of what?

She has problems.

Honey, we all got problems.

That child ain't supposed to be talking
to you all like that. That is crazy.

What's wrong with that child?
What's she so angry about?

I don't know. Just being
here and out of school.

Tell that to somebody
else, honey.

That child is angry about something
else, and it's deep, whatever it is.

It ain't about no school and nothing else.
This water runs deeper than that.

How do you know?

Wisdom. I didn't get this
old by not knowing nothing.

She thinks I'm the reason that
her father divorced her mother.

I wonder where she'd
get that from.

Are you?

No. What kind of person
do you think I am?

A woman.

No, their marriage was over,

her father filed for divorce already, but
she's hated me ever since she met me.

And George just sit
there, don't say nothing?

He just sit there
and not say a word?

George doesn't say anything
to anyone these days.

Lord, have mercy.

I know. But she needs him.

Because her mother,
she is so evil.

She filled her head with all these
horrible things about me and about us.

And then, two years ago,

she dropped her off at our doorstep,
hasn't contacted her ever since,

and now she's angry.

And now she's up in my house
and she got me worried.

Honey, I'm just worried.

She'II be fine.

I'm not worried about her,
I'm worried about me.

'Cause I feel like I wanna
choke her to sleep.

I just wanna grab her till the
life is out of her sometimes.

She's so flip.

Yeah, I get it.

And when she talk back to you, you
just have a little argument with her

and you just let her start her mouth
and say whatever she want to say?

Don't do that, honey.

You have to talk to her in a
language that she understand.

You got to learn how to start
speaking your damn mind.

I speak my mind.

I didn't say, "Speak your mind,"
I said, "Speak your damn mind."

If somebody do something
you don't like, you say,

"Hey, what the hell
is wrong with you?

"You better get your ass together.
This is some straight up bull.

"Hell, what is wrong with you?
You heard me? Hell."

That's what you got to
say to them sometime.

- Okay. I will.
- Think about that.

It'II make you feel better.
You'II feel so liberated.

You're around here doing all that yoda.
Honey, you ain't got to do all that yoda.

You ain't got to do
not one more yoda.

I'm gonna try that next time.

Good. I just gave you
some great advice.

You gave me some good advice.

I'm gonna give you
some better advice.

White folks ain't
supposed to be out here

on this porch in the middle
of the night, honey.

Okay.

Yep. Nope, come on, let's
go on in the house.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, you go on first.

Any luck?

No, none.

George.

Yeah, I know what you're going to say.
You don't think I'm trying.

Look at this
charity, right here.

Okay. I don't really
have to look at it.

Hear me out. Listen to
what I'm saying to you.

These guys dig wells in Africa.

This one, breast cancer.

This one, they stop sex
trafficking of children. Okay?

This one, AIDS research.
This one, cancer.

This homeless shelter
is gonna have to close.

George, you got to help
me help these people.

Brian, I'm eight years
away from retiring,

and now I'm facing jail.

And all these people were hurt

because I wasn't
paying attention.

And I was looking
forward to retiring.

Spending time with my son.

Getting great, big bear hugs after
a good game of catch, you know?

Seeing my daughter happy,

content.

I just wanted to live happily
ever after with my family.

And now, my family's
falling apart.

So maybe I deserve
all of this, okay?

'Cause I can't believe
what's happening to me.

How could I not see this coming?

George, you couldn't see it because
you weren't paying attention.

But now your eyes are wide open.

But none of this
makes sense to me.

I mean, I see accounts here and they all
start with a letter of the alphabet.

"A," "P," "U," "J,"
"K," "R," "I."

We never use the alphabet
to start accounts, Brian.

I don't know what I'm looking at here.
I really don't.

You can't just keep letting
people walk all over you.

You were a mark. They set you up.
They thought you were weak.

They did this on purpose to you.

Are you just gonna lay
down and let that happen,

or are you gonna claim
your life back?

Prove them wrong. Hit them
right between the eyes.

You're stronger than this. There
is a fighter in you, George.

Show them. Show me.

You can work this out, okay?
Just don't give up.

Shall we keep digging?

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- AII right.

Watch your step.

Take care now.

How was school?

I mean, you know, it's school.

School is school, yeah.

What you got there?

- Baseball.
- Baseball.

You play?

Yeah, but not very good.

Really?

Well, let me see, son.
You can't be that bad.

- What position do you play?
- Pitcher.

Okay. Well, I used
to play catcher.

So, you go on over there and I
want you to throw it to me.

- AII right.
- I want you to throw it to me

as hard as you can.

- Throw it at me.
- AII right.

Here we go. Put it.
Put it right here.

- Put it right in the middle.
- Right here, right here.

Yeah, you... Yeah.

- Yeah, you suck.
- Sorry, I...

Come here, son.

That's all right, son.

Maybe you ain't supposed to be a pitcher.
Everybody ain't supposed to be a pitcher.

You know, you got to get
in where you fit in.

You know, I never thought
about it that way.

But listen, son. I'm
gonna help you.

I'm gonna teach you how
to pitch and to catch,

because we family, we family.

- We are?
- Yeah.

Yeah. It's a long story.
It's a long story.

I used to be in
the Negro League.

- Negro...
- The Negro League, son.

Boy, somebody got to teach
you about your heritage.

The Negro Leagues is when colored
baseball players couldn't play...

Colored, like Negro,
like me and you.

They couldn't play professional baseball,
so they came up with their own league.

Satchel Paige and I played.

I was a catcher, so I'm gonna
show you how to be a catcher.

- AII right. AII right.
- AII right?

Step on back there. I'm gonna
show you how to catch this.

- I'm gonna throw it to you one good time.
- AII right.

- I want you to concentrate real hard.
- AII right.

Almost. AII right, try it.
Right here, right here.

There we go. See that?

- I've had it.
- I don't care.

Change your attitude.

- Hello, son.
- Hi, Mom.

- Your poor father...
- My father does not need...

Were you with your brother today?
AII day today, again?

No, Mom, I was with Brian.

I don't have a
brother, remember?

This is all an act!

Right.

I am not being disrespectful!

You're being so fake!
You're not my mom!

- ...your attitude.
- You're making it no better.

Get upstairs!

I want to go home.
I hate it here.

- Hi.
- Hi.

George, I can't do this anymore.

- That daughter is so disrespectful.
- I know.

I'm gonna do all I can to
help us get our life back.

I don't want our life back.

I want a new life.

One where you're in it. One
where we're all happy.

I don't know, afternoon
lunches and sex!

I want sex, George!

Should I be listening to this?

- No!
- No!

Kate, I'm sorry.

Stop saying sorry and get mad.

- I am mad.
- You're not mad.

I'm extremely mad.

Extremely mad, George?

You don't think I'm mad?

I don't think you're mad.

This is getting me so
mad, this whole thing.

That's mad.

You're not extremely mad!
You need to get damn mad!

What?

I'm just speaking
my damn mind, okay?

Hell! This is some
straight up bull.

Hell, get your ass together.
You heard me?

Hell!

I've got to get us out of here.

Just spill it. We
gotta have it all.

Because if you don't, then you're going
to jail for the rest of your life.

Ever since we got here,
I don't care anymore.

Do you know what? I don't care.
You...

- Hi, honey.
- Hi. What are you doing?

- Good one. Good one, Howie.
- Thanks.

You got it.

Amazing Grace...

How was school today?

About the same as when you
were raised by Moses.

Where's my dad?

I can't stand you.

I got something to tell you, honey.
It's awfully bad news.

Precious Lord...

What?

Your daddy died.

What?

He died.

Them people that were looking for
him, they came here and they got him.

And they brought him out
there to the highway,

and they was painting them stripes on
the stone highway, and he tried to run,

and one of them stripe machine put a
line right down the middle of him.

Then the people that was coming
didn't know if it was a passing lane

or high-occupancy vehicle lane.

Everybody got confused
and they had a wreck,

and they just ran all over...

About 5,700 cars piled
up on top of him.

And Kate, she didn't know what
to do, so she went to running.

She just started running as fast as she can.
Was running like Wonder Woman.

But they had a helichopter and
that helichopter got closer...

And that was it.

No! Kate, too?

Kate, too. Kate, too.

And that helichopter was
spinning and them blades...

Where's Howie? Where's Howie?

Oh, Lord. Poor Howie. You
know, he tried to run,

but he always have them candy bars
and soda pops in his pockets,

so he kept dropping
things and he tripped.

So they put them cement shoes
on him and they throwed him in,

and he's swimming
with the fishes.

Oh, my God!

My God! I can't believe
this is happening.

Why you so upset?

What do you mean?

Well, you always say, "I hate you.
You suck. Shut up. I hate you."

I didn't mean anything
that I've said before.

It's too late now, honey.

It's all right. They gone.
Dead. Just done.

They gone.

So, the people at Child Welfare
asked me if I would take you,

so I said you can stay here
till you're 1 8, but you...

No! No, no! No!

I got an EBT card, what
you worried about?

- Dad!
- Honey.

Cindy, what's wrong?

She told me you died.

What?

Madea, why would
you tell her that?

Look, this is why
I tell her that.

'Cause she's sitting around here mad at
everybody and being all nasty and mean.

Your parents could be gone at any minute,
then you'II be stuck with somebody like me.

Is that what you want? To
stay here in this hellhole?

I'm sorry.

Start acting like
you're sorry, then.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Howie.

It's all right. It's
all right, Cindy.

Now, look at her, all broke up,
acting like she's sad and hurt.

Okay, honey. It's okay.

Madea, that was really cruel.

George? Shut the hell up.

It worked, didn't it?

- Dad?
- Yeah, son.

There's something I
need to tell you.

It'II have to wait till later. I got
to start the service right now.

Negros.

What the hell did you just say?

- Negros.
- Barbara!

Mom,

why don't we step out onto
the porch and get some air?

- Negros.
- Grams.

I hear Negros from my room.

I believe they're called
African-Americans now, Grandma.

Did that child just say "they"?

No, "we."

So beautiful. I hear
them from my room.

- Okay.
- What's going on?

My baby mama just went left, Mabel.
She just went left.

Went left?

I hear...

I hear them from my room. I
hear Negros from my room.

Well, I see dead people,
but I keep that to myself.

Tell them, Sadie.

Who the hell is Sadie?

Shut up.

Madea, honey. She
right, she hear Negros.

It's bad enough that
she's slipping.

Please don't encourage her.

No, she do hear Negros.

The whole bunch of them.

She hears a bunch of Negros?

Yes, everybody listen.
Everybody be quiet.

Spirituals.

That's it. That's what she's
trying to say, Negro spirituals.

There's a church
down on the corner.

They sing Negro
spirituals on Sundays.

Why y'all so uptight?

Son, will you take
me to the Negros?

- Take you to the Negro spiritual, honey.
- Spiritual.

Right. You can't just say
"Negros." Them days has passed.

First we were "Negros,"
then we was "colored,"

then we were "black," now
we "African-American."

Okay? African-Americans. Now
singing old Negro spirituals.

- Spirituals.
- Negro spirituals.

- Spirituals. Spirituals. Okay.
- Yes, Mom. Yes, yes.

Yes, let's go.

Let's go down to the church.

Is it safe?

What you mean, "Is
it safe," George?

What they gonna do, stone you with a Bible?
It's a church.

Pretty good.

Can I get an "amen"
for our choir?

Amen!

AII right, well done.

Well done.

Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord. I am so happy, so happy
to be back in the House of the Lord

where mercy can be found.

As most of you know, I have been
very sick these past few months.

But by the grace of God, I've recovered.
But I have to tell you something.

I've given a lot of prayer and I
feel it's time for me to retire.

Now don't y'all
worry, don't worry.

This church will continue,
and its future's guaranteed,

because the church
has been paid off.

Praise God!

Oh, no.

And I was able to pay the church off
because of the investments of my son.

My son.

I'm so proud of him.

Son, come on up here and
tell them what you've done.

Let us praise Jesus 'cause we're
all precious in His name.

Precious.

Precious?

- To all the congregation here...
- Precious.

There's something I
need to tell you.

I did invest the money...

Precious!

Somebody's got the Holy Ghost.

I know!

- You know?
- I know!

The same know that I know?

I know!

That man knows!

- You know?
- I know!

- How much do you know?
- Do you think that he knows now?

- I'm not hot, I just know.
- Praise the Lord!

Yes!

AII right, George, you want
to try to explain this to me?

Yeah.

There was a woman named
Precious Jackson

that Walter always told me about.
Okay?

Now I've looked at these accounts
and they all start with a letter.

The letters spell out
"Precious Jackson."

It's all encrypted, right here.

What the hell are
you talking about?

The letters spell out...

Okay, I'm a little
confused by this, too.

It's the name the account is in.

Okay.

Just follow this, 'cause
it took some doing

to follow the money trail from
the Cayman Islands and Germany.

But the trail goes cold when the money
goes into a Swiss account. Okay?

Now, they were all given a letter
when they went in and came out.

- Right?
- Okay.

But every month on this date,

as the funds go into
this Swiss account,

this account in the
US sees a deposit.

Now I balance the two,
and it's exactly 1 0%

that resurfaces in the US
in this account every month

to a lady named
Precious Jackson.

What is 1 0% gonna do?

Of 600 million?

That's six million!

Jake.

It's 60 million.

- Sixty.
- Sixty.

George.

I can get the
church's money back.

- Praise God.
- Yes, you and all the charities.

- Can this really work?
- Yes, it can work.

Why would Walter take this money

and put it in an account with some
woman's name who never touches it?

Well, either he didn't tell her
about it, or she doesn't exist.

So what I'II do is I'II
get a federal warrant,

we'II get the account seized.

I'm pretty sure once I bring this to the
judge, you'II be able to get probation.

That's a great job.

But, Brian, we can get this money
back to the people it belongs to.

It's sitting right
here in this account.

You didn't just say that to me.
I'm an officer of the court.

I don't even know what you're thinking.
I didn't hear that.

I don't even want to know what
you're thinking. No. No, no, no.

- Brian.
- Not having this conversation.

- I'm out of here.
- Please. Come on.

- I will see you at the office tomorrow...
- Brian.

Bright and early, George.

- Thank you so much.
- Brian. Please.

Bye.

I've come too close to give up now, okay?
I'm not calling it quits.

I'm gonna get that money
back to the charities.

Right? I want my life back.

And here is where I
start to take action.

So you're either with me or you're not,
but I'm not giving up without a fight.

So what's it gonna be,
Mr. I'm-a-tough-guy-from-the-hood?

Mr. You-going-down-homie?

'Cause I'II tell you, I'm
gonna do the damn thing.

So you're with me or what?

I'm with you.

- Gucci!
- Yeah.

With you.

You okay?

I will be.

George, what's going on?

I screwed up, that's
what's going on.

And now there's a big wrong
that I have to right.

And I just have to figure
out how I'm gonna do it.

But I'm gonna do it.
I am gonna do it.

George, I haven't seen this much
fire in you since we got married.

Well, maybe it's
long overdue, huh?

Do you remember our
honeymoon in Florence?

- I remember it rained every day.
- It did.

And do you remember, you said,

"What if our marriage is nothing
but full of rainy days?"

I might have been joking.

But I remember you still
got upset, didn't you?

- I did.
- Yeah.

And what did you say?

I said,

"Rain does make things grow."

Exactly.

What if all this
happened for a reason?

For you and I to get to
know each other again,

for our family to get
closer, for us to grow?

What if it did?

Kate, you are amazing.

I swear to you, I'm gonna
make things right.

I have no doubt.

Honey, you always
do the right thing.

I love you so much.

I love you, too.

I'm so proud of you, George.

That's good.

L'm closing an account.

Rita, it looks like you'll be
withdrawing $4 million from us today.

$4 million?

- ls that correct?
- Yes.

Well, how would you like that?

10s and 20s?

Hey, son. We watching Ghost.

She's gonna walk up in a bank
and act like she somebody else.

Look at that.

You know we require
identification and all that.

Rita Miller or Oda Mae Jones, she
don't even know what her name is.

Rita Miller. That's my name.

My name. Rita Miller.

My name.

The check.

Here you are.

What the hell you looking at
me like the last virgin for?

Now let me make sure
I got this right.

Y'all want me to get
on the aeroplane,

go out to New York City and go in a bank
and pretend to be Precious Jackson?

Is that right?

Yes.

Does Brian know
anything about this?

- No.
- He thinks you both could go to jail.

Well, I could be going
to jail anyway.

That's all right. Just don't
drop the soap, you'II be fine.

I been up in there. You might have to
fight a little bit, kick a little ass.

But you'II be all right.

If you don't kick no ass,
they gonna take your ass.

But you'II be all right.

I don't know about this, though.
I don't feel good about this.

I just don't... I don't know.
I don't know.

Madea, it's easy.

It's just as easy as
it was in the movie.

Whoopi Goldberg had a dead
white man helping her

all through that whole movie.

I'II help you.

You alive. I said dead!

George, you cannot
go to New York.

Honey, I have to.

You can't. They're still after you.
Are you crazy?

I'II disguise myself somehow.

They won't know me. Okay?
It'II be fine.

- No, I can't do that.
- Madea.

Please, I know you can do it.

You say this is for charity?

And for the church? Right, Jake? For the church?
It's for the church?

It's for the church, for your daddy
get the money back for the church?

AII right. Now my
question then becomes,

all these beautiful people
that got these charities

and helping all these children and
feeding the people around the world,

it's for that, that's wonderful,
but I have a question for you.

What the hell in it for me?

Madea, you'II feel a lot
better about yourself.

I always feel good about myself.
Hell, I was born 6'2".

237 pounds.

I have always been this big all my life.
I went to kindergarten this big.

I had to have high self-esteem.
I feel good about myself.

Ain't nothing you gonna tell me gonna
make me feel good about myself.

You give me some money, that'II
make me feel good about myself.

Okay, you know what?

Can we figure that out
after this is done?

George, have you
ever hired a ho?

No. No.

She want her money first.
Do you understand?

I need to get some money first.

Don't perform no services until
the money's on the table.

You know what? I'II do it.
I will do it.

AII I got to do is go in there

and give them a bunch of accounts
to transfer the money to?

- Yes.
- 1 2 accounts?

I just give them the information
to do the transfer?

That's it. That's all.

AII right, I'II do it.

Then I will gladly do it. So he just
gonna wire the money to the accounts?

- Yes.
- Okay, fine.

Come on, let's go. Where's my purse?
Y'all get my purse.

Joe, where's my purse? We've
got to go up to New York.

You know what? If you
guys are gonna go,

she can't look like this,
she can't be wearing that.

- Right.
- What's wrong with what I got on?

This came from Aretha Franklin.
Aretha gave me this.

And y'all know Aretha can dress.

You've seen Aretha, she
makes fashion statements.

How about Barbara, Cindy
and I give you a makeover?

Introducing Precious Jackson.

Wow.

This might work.

No. I don't know what the
hell y'all are thinking.

You look like a big ass
bottle of Pepto-Bismol.

- Can I give you a hand, sir?
- Yes. The luggage.

The airport.

This bag. This way.

- Here we go?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Going to the airport.

- Right this way, ma'am.
- AII right, I'II follow you.

You ain't got to rush me, I
know where the hell I'm going.

The airport. A lot
of people here.

I'm nervous. I need to relax.

Well, there's nothing
to be nervous about.

It's just like riding in a car,
except you're 30,000 feet higher.

Cars don't crash from
30,000 feet, George.

You need something to calm your
nerves, I got that old wee-wee.

Hey, what does that mean, drugs?

- Is that drugs?
- I know you ain't got no drugs.

- No drugs.
- If you got...

I'm gonna beat your ass
if you got them drugs.

You don't bring no
drugs up in here.

- They got sniffing dogs up in here.
- No drugs.

Y'all go through. I'm not
going through with y'all.

I'm not going through. Excuse me, y'all.
Excuse me.

- I'm not going through with them at all.
- Madame, you are making a scene.

- Watch yourself. Watch yourself, here.
- That's a no, no.

Y'all go on. I don't know them.
I don't know them.

Hi. Hi. A little scary.

When I'm finished doing,
this gonna be the bomb.

- Don't say "bomb." Don't say "bomb."
- What is the bomb?

- No, no, no.
- Don't say...

Hey, he don't want
me saying "bomb."

Okay.

What do I do, just
give him the ticket?

And show him my ID?

- Okay.
- That's the way.

Okay, that's me, and
that's my ticket.

- That is the way.
- Okay, thank you so much.

AII right.

Now what y'all doing?

- What y'all doing?
- Taking off our shoes.

Take off your personal items
and put them in the tray.

What they gonna do with
my personal items?

Baby, I can't take off my shoe.

Do you know how hard it is for a
woman my size to take off her shoes?

I'm supposed to
take off my shoes?

Yes, ma'am.

What the hell do I need to
be taking my shoes off for?

Baby, when you're this big, it's
hard to take your shoes off.

That's all I'm saying.

Take them off, but I don't know who the
hell gonna help me put them back on.

Y'all so serious.

Watch that now.

There you go.

Oh, Lord. And you just
push it through there?

- Now what I do? What I do?
- Right this way.

Right this way.

Okay. I'm gonna come
on through this thing.

- What the hell is that?
- Just step over here, please, ma'am.

What was that?

Just step over here
through the scanner.

- What'd you want me to do?
- Step through here, please.

- Okay, all right.
- Right through the scanner.

Now what am I supposed to do?
This ain't gonna drop me down?

Just go and put your feet
in the footsteps, please.

That's really wide. You want me to put
both my feet where these yellow feet?

- Yes, ma'am.
- That's really wide.

My legs ain't been open that
wide since I had my daughter.

George, they want me
to spread my legs.

Okay, fine.

- Now what?
- Put your hands over your head, please.

- Like this?
- That's it.

Hands over your head.

Wow, this is really sexual.

Reminds me back of
my stripping days.

They used to call me Magnitude.

You see anything?

Can I have you step
outside, please?

Step outside.

Right this way. Put
your hands down.

- Can I close my legs?
- Yes, please.

Okay, thank you so much.

- Now what?
- Stand right over here, please.

- Yes.
- I'm just gonna do a quick pat down.

- On my body?
- Yes.

- Go ahead and raise your hands.
- Am I under arrest?

- No, ma'am.
- Why you patting me down?

- Just standard procedure.
- A standard...

- I got to do all this to get on the airplane?
- Yes, please.

George, I got to do all this
to get on the airplane?

Ma'am, it's just standard procedure. I
need you to put your hands up, please.

- Thank you.
- Go on, pat me down.

Now, wait a minute.

You gonna find a roadmap to heaven.
You better come on from up there now.

Come on up.

Turn around.

Can I put my hands down?

Now wait. Now what
the hell you doing?

Boy.

Something back here that
you wanna tell me about?

Yes, that's my ass. It's from
wall-to-wall in this skirt.

We're clear. Go right ahead.

You need to buy me a cigarette or a drink
or something after doing all that to me.

You don't know me.

I ain't felt that many
hands all over my body

since I got off that
train from Mexico.

Where's my purse and my shoes?

Anybody ever told you
you look like Beyonc�?

No.

Madea, I found my wifey.

Shut the hell up back there.
You in coach.

You ain't supposed to talk
to nobody in first class.

Didn't you see Titanic?

I'm nervous.

I know. But behave.

What the hell was that?
What was that?

There better not be no terrorer on this plane.
Is there a terrorer?

Is there terrorer on here?
Better not be no terrorer.

Madea, it's a bump. Bump, bump.

What the hell a bump doing in the air?
Bumps are on the road.

- That's all.
- Bumps ain't in the air. Hell.

This thing just makes me nervous.
I don't like being on this thing.

I got to pee. I need something to relax me.
Calm me down.

What do you want?
What do you want?

I want a joint.

- You need that good-good, Madea?
- Boy, shut up.

Just get me a drink.
Can I get a drink?

Can they get a lady a drink? Can
a colored woman get a drink?

I'II get a flight attendant.

I'II get her. Flight attendant?

Flight attendant? Flight attendant?
Flight attendant?

Ma'am, are you okay?

You're making the other passengers
just a little bit nervous, okay?

I would like something
to drink, please.

'Cause I need something to
relax me just a little bit.

Okay. What would you like?

That depends. How much is it?

You're in first
class, it's free.

Okay. Well, bring me every
damn thing you got back there.

If it's brown, pour it.

Lord have mercy, I ain't never
seen no place like this before.

They call it the Big Apple, huh?

I wonder why they call it the Big Apple.
I don't see no apples.

- Do you see the apples anywhere?
- No.

I wanna see that thing, too,
that thing with the torch on it.

The statue. The Statue
of Limitations.

Lord, look at all these people.

I ain't never seen this
many people in one place

unless they be giving
away government cheese.

I don't understand why folk would be
all on top of each other like this.

This is too much. I got
to get back to Georgia.

Come on, let's go get
this business done.

New York!

Yes indeed, y'all. This is nice.

- Yeah, I'm in New York, baby.
- How you doing?

Hello, madame. May
I take your bags?

- Where you gonna take it?
- I'II take it to your room, if you like.

- No. No. No, no.
- She is world-traveled.

She never think
about the luggage.

I don't think about no luggage.

I don't think about no luggage or
the garbage or none of that stuff.

- This way.
- Okay.

Well, get on out of the way there.
Let a lady pass.

You in the way, George, move.
Let them open the door for me.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

This place is lovely. Hello. Welcome.
Thank you. Welcome.

Welcome to me. My
first time here.

Hello. Hello.

They take dogs. Well, Oprah Winfrey
must stay here. Is she here?

This is lovely.

Run into me one more time, and I'm
gonna knock the hell out of you.

What the hell's wrong with you?

Good afternoon, sir.

A reservation for Jackson.

- Of course. Good afternoon, madam.
- Hello.

I have the reservation.

I have your credit card
information on file.

And here are your keys.

And if you would be so kind as to
sign here at the bottom of this form.

But of course.

- But of course.
- Lovely accent.

- Yes.
- Yes.

Yes. The reservation is
under Precious Jackson.

That is my name. I'm one
of the Jackson family.

- Well, really? That's wonderful, madam.
- Yes, yes.

Yes. Excellent.

Well, it was La Toya and
Rebbie and me. Yeah.

- And Janet. Little Janet.
- Wonderful.

- We are so proud to have you here, madam.
- Thank you so much.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Back the hell up. Thank you.

If I have a phone call from Janet
or La Toya or Rebbie Jackson...

- Yes, madam?
- ...please put them through.

- They're always calling me, all the time.
- I see.

'Cause they need makeup
tips and advice.

- I'II put them right through to your room.
- Yes, thanks.

- I will do that, madam. Yes.
- Thank you so much. Thank you.

- Shall we go?
- The elevators are to your left.

And I do hope you
enjoy your stay.

- Well, yes, we will. Thank you so much.
- Yes, wonderful.

- Thank you so much.
- Don't fall over.

You hit me with these bags one more
time, I will knock the hell out of you.

- What's in here?
- Get the hell on the elevator.

You got two midgets in here.

If Randy or Jermaine
or Tito call,

tell them I just cannot talk right now,
I'm gonna have to call them later.

Very good, madam. I have that.

What the hell you
pulling me for, George?

I know how to open the door, here.
This...

This is nice.

Oh, Lord, this furniture nice.

Ain't got no plastic on it.
Can't be too nice, though.

- How you doing?
- Good.

- Wonderful. Hello.
- Hello.

Your chocolate.

Yes, I know I'm chocolate.

That's a new way of saying "black"?
I'm chocolate, yes. African-American.

Forgive madame. She is,
how you say, preoccup�e.

You gonna stop calling me madame.
My name is Madea, not madame.

Zip it.

- For you, monsieur. Thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you.

What the hell was he just
standing up here for,

just looking all
scary and weird?

I thought I had checked
into the Bates Motel.

He's standing there like that.

- What was he waiting for?
- A gratuity.

- What is that?
- A tip.

Why didn't you just say "tip"?
I know what the hell a tip is.

Now, George, how much did you just give that man?
You gave him paper money.

- How much was that?
- Twenty.

Twenty what?

Dollars. $20.

Have you lost your mind, George?

Waiter! Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.

Hello, mister. Can I talk
to you forjust a second?

Mister? I'm tired as hell.

Here. Hold this for me, baby, and
let me hold that. That's $20.

Baby, listen, if we wanted that for
chocolate, we'd go get us a Snickers.

Here's your tip.

Pardon, monsieur, she is...

- Movez-vous. Movez-vous.
- Go on. Go on. $20?

Would you get a grip? You've
got to play the part.

Trust me. Appearance is everything.
Okay?

Now, we need to get some rest

so we can get to the bank
early and get out of here.

That's fine. Let's get
some rest, then, George.

But you ain't gonna give no $20 to nobody.
That's just damn crazy.

Child, if Joe could see me now.

This mattress is nice.

No, can't lay down
flat like that.

Yeah. Women who is
well-endowed can't lay flat.

'Cause them breasts will
sneak up around your neck

and choke the hell out of
you through the night.

Got to throw them
over to the side.

This is nice.

Silk.

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Now remember, you're
Precious Jackson,

and you wanna get all the money
transferred into the 12 accounts.

You can't keep running
this over and over again.

- You're gonna make me forget everything.
- Okay. This is it. This is it.

I understand. You gonna
make me forget everything.

I can't keep doing this
over and over again.

- Just relax.
- AII right, I got it.

I'm relaxed, George, I'm relaxed.
But you tensing me the hell up.

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.

- Got it?
- I got it. I got it.

Madea.

Yes?

Remember, the man you're meeting,
his name is Jack Goldenberg.

What the hell you speaking a
French accent for, George?

This is me and you talking.

Hell, I know how to
speak French, too.

Shut the hell up.

I got it. Jack Goldenberg.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Excuse me while I
do my Tyra Banks.

Hello.

Can you help me? I'm here
to see Whoopi Goldberg.

Excuse me?

Silly me. I'm sorry. I was
just watching The View.

I'm here to see Jack Goldenberg.
Jack Goldenberg.

- May I tell him who's here?
- Yes...

I'm sorry, I was about to say,
"What a mighty God we serve."

Precious Jackson is my name. I'm
a part of the Jackson family.

Yes. But, you know, they
put me on the outskirts.

- So now, it's just me and Bubbles.
- Bubbles.

- Yeah, yeah.
- That the monkey?

- Yeah, great little monkey.
- Oh, my God.

Yeah. I call him Joe, but
everybody else calls him Bubbles.

You certainly do
have an appointment.

Precious Jackson to see you.

Hello. Hi. Thank you
so much, Magdalene.

- It's so great to see you.
- How can I help you?

Jack, I called you.

We spoke about all the
transfers that I need to do.

I got that request last evening.
Let me see.

Jack, can we do this? I'd like
to add one more account to that.

Because I'm feeling so generous and
I've given to so many charities.

Here is the account number. I know
that's 1 2, this'II be the 1 3th.

- Thirteenth?
- Yes.

And, of course, in this economic climate,
you're gonna need my identification.

Precious Jackson. Here you are.

- Well, thank you.
- Okay.

She's been in there
way too long.

She's not. She hasn't been,
and she's doing a mission.

Very dangerous work she's doing.

You're just... You know what?
You're such a...

I'd hate to be
cliff-diving with you.

Look, I saw this
in a movie once.

You go east, I go west,
we meet in the subway.

We'II make it out alive.

I'm not running with you. Okay?

I'm not running down the
street like some biatch.

Like some biatch, okay?

Wait. What are you
talking about, fool?

I'm committed to
see this through.

You know what they'II do with
you with that mustache in jail?

You better not snitch.

- Please.
- You kill me.

- There she is.
- Oh, my goodness.

- Jack, you kill me.
- Now, our cover.

- Yes, thank you.
- She got it.

But if there's anything else you need,
you call Jack Goldenberg directly.

I certainly will.
I certainly will.

- May I help you?
- Oh, you're delightful.

- What a lovely woman.
- No. I've got it. I've got it.

You got to stop flirting with me.
You ain't getting nothing.

I see you looking at my ass. Don't you do that.
Don't you do that.

- I would never do that.
- Stop that flirting with me.

- What a woman. What a woman.
- Thank you so much.

- I'II see you later. AII right.
- Well, our pleasure again.

- Did you get it?
- Yes.

- Let's go.
- Yes.

Thank you very much, sir.
Thank you.

Well, what did he say?

Well, he's not very happy and neither am
I that you took my aunt up to New York.

To that bank. That's crazy.

But he's getting a lot of calls from
the charities, they're very happy.

The press is very excited about
it, so he's okay, and so am I.

Well, what does
that mean for me?

You've helped us gather enough information
and evidence against your former bosses

that we got a pretty solid case.

With that information,
we pressured them,

and they've agreed to testify
against the Malone family,

so they won't be after you.

So we just talked about dropping
the charges against you.

What you did, getting those
accounts back in order,

and having all that money wired back
to the charities, all 1 3 of them,

it's really great.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

You're free to go, George.

- So I'm free?
- Yeah.

Enjoy your life, George.

Take care of yourself.
Stay out of trouble.

Thank you.

The other way.

Thank you.

This has been lovely. It's just
been so fun having y'all here.

Madea, thank you.

Thanks for everything.

You have no idea how much I
wanna say, "Get the hell out."

But I'm holding that in, because
I'm showing so much love to you.

I enjoyed having y'all here.

The best part about company
is when they leave.

I'm gonna miss you
so much, Madea.

That's okay, child. AII them potatoes
in my house is glad you leaving.

- Me, too.
- Yeah?

Can we come back and visit?

That is so sweet. You wanna
come back and visit?

No, I don't think so. I'm sorry.

You can write me
letters, though.

Long, long, long letters. Dissertations
from very, very, very far away.

Negros.

Okay, time to get her
the hell out of here.

- Spirituals.
- Now she gets it.

Okay, Mom, let's go.
One last time.

Let's go.

There's my boy. There's my boy.

Bye, Joe. I'II be back.

I'II be back, Joe. Bye.

- Y'all, come on.
- Bye.

Mabel, get them the
hell out of here now.

I'II see y'all around.

Bye. Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Yes!

- Love you, Dad.
- Love you, Son.

Yeah!

I did that. I got
that money, baby.

I got that money!

I don't want to go to
prison, because, you know?

Food is bad, I'm probably
gonna lose weight.

Probably go down to nothing
and get gang-raped.

I don't wanna shower in prison.

They can do strange
things to you in prison.

Do you understand?
Do you understand?

I think I can handle myself.
I really do.

I really do. I just don't want
to go through the experience

of having to do that. Okay?

I don't want to have to worry
about other guys in there.

When I get so mad, I'm gonna
have to use my fists,

you know, just to defend myself.

Go upstairs and get
your mom's pills.

- Find a little straitjacket and calm down...
- And a straitjacket, too.

Figure this out, Maysie.

And then you put in
that fatback grease,

and you make sure it just sits
there and soak, so it'II be light.

I got some oatmeal on the stove,

and I got some greens
that's gonna clean you out.

It's like none of
this is gonna matter.

AII right.

That's pretty good
for never doing it.

Oh, boy.

- Is she doing it, too? Wow.
- Yeah.

She kept her promise.

- What the hell? Charlie Sheen.
- Hey. What a surprise.

How are you? Look who back here.
Look who back here hiding.

It's Charlie Sheen.

- Big fan.
- I'm a big fan of yours, too.

I've wanted to do this ever since...
I'm sorry.

- That's freaky. That's freaky. That's freaky.
- Damn. Sorry, sorry.

Go on. Go on, rest yourself.
Rest yourself.

- No motorboating. No motorboating.
- Cut.

Where's Howie?

Oh, God, you don't even want to
know what happened to Howie.

It was so awful.

They just told me there was a
buffalo and a monkey somewhere,

and I just have not been able to
figure how they got out of the zoo.

I'm sorry.

I am 6'4" tall and a woman.

Do you think I have
self-esteem issues?

I ain't never played for
the WNBA, but I could.

I ain't got no self-esteem
issues, hell.

I got a mustache. Do you understand?
I'm a dude up under this stuff.

Sorry, this is Precious Jackson.
I'm in the Presidential Suite.

And there are two toilets here.

And I was trying to figure out,
which one am I supposed to use?

I don't know which one suits me best. One
of them has things on it like a faucet.

What is that for?

Yes, you know how you
turn on the faucet.

I'm not a sir, I'm a ma'am.
You don't hear me, honey?

Okay, yes, there's
two toilets here.

There's one that I recognize and then
there's one that I don't recognize.

It's got two handles on it, like you
gonna wash your hands or something.

A bidet? What is a bidet, honey?

I don't need Bengays and all that stuff. Just
trying to figure out what the toilet is.

Right. Your hands?

It's for washing your ass?

No, when I wanna wash my
ass, I take a bath, honey.

That's just nasty.
Now who'd do that?

Listen, I didn't know you
were gonna answer the phone.

I thought the phone was disconnected.
I'm so sorry.

Okay. I'II talk to you later.
Bye.

There was actually
somebody there?

Yes. Yes, the whole time.

She was trying to explain
to me what it was.

I'd like to order one
of your famous...

Baby, this say hamburgers $45.
What the hell is on the burger?

No, no, no. For $45, there
better be more than a hamburger.

For $45, it better get up in this bed and
roll around with me for a little while.

You don't think that's funny.
Okay.

No. Do you have chicken wings?

You don't do those.

Well, maybe you can ask the chef
to prepare them for me, then.

Yes.

How many would I like? That depends.
How many are there in the order?

Okay, seven chicken wings. Okay. How
much are the seven chicken wings?

$30 a wing?

30 damn dollars a wing?

You crazy as hell.
People pay that?

No, honey, I can't. $30
for a damn chicken wing?

Do you know that I
can get 20 of them,

they come in a pack, 20 for
$1 .99 down at Roscoe's?

I can't have this, honey. No,
I'm gonna starve in this hotel.

My name is Precious Jackson.

My name is Melinda.

Hello, I'm Precious Jackson.

Yo. Yo, what's up? I'm Precious.
They call me Precious.

I thought you were, you know,
some tough guy from the hood?

You know, "My
biggest nightmare."

Thug life, fool.
Thug life, fool.

Do me a favor. Send your old man
some money every now and then.

Just a little something. It
ain't got to be nothing.

Just four, five, $20,000, $30,000
a month or something, you know?

You okay?

I'II put a little something in an envelope.
Don't worry. We'II take care of you.

Okay. And listen, don't write no checks,
'cause I got a little trouble with the IRS.

Okay. Well, it'II just be cash.

- Okay, good.
- Just be cash. That's the cleanest.

Yeah, yeah, that's the
way the dope boy do it.

- You can spend cash.
- Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

I know a lot of ways to spend them.
I'II be making it rain.

- Joe, a real pleasure meeting you.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, get your hand off me, son.
- I'm sorry.

I don't like people touching me.
Folks don't wash their hands.

AII right, Dad.

- AII right, son. Son.
- Dad.

- Okay.
- AII right.

- I love you now.
- I love you, too, Dad.

I love you. I love you
with the love of the Lord.

He thinks I'm his son.

Well, this has been a
lovely, lovely, lovely...

Been a great movie.
Didn't you enjoy it?

Good night.

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