All language subtitles for F.L.W.E.D.2026.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-RAWR_Track03
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1
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Imagine if we had the opportunity
to hear from a cultural icon
2
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,236
after they've passed away.
3
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,071
A chance for them
to shape their own legacy,
4
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:34,617
to be heard one last time
in their own words.
5
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,996
Eric Dane's charm and magnetic presence
6
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:42,250
quickly solidified his stature
as a TV star.
7
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:46,962
He's most recognized for his role
as Dr. Mark Sloan on Grey's Anatomy
,
8
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:50,216
the longest-running medical drama
in TV history.
9
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,217
Millions were captivated
10
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,636
when his character
stepped out of a steam shower,
11
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:56,972
and he became McSteamy.
12
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,892
Oh, this is awkward.
13
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,519
And then there was his painfully raw,
14
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,858
brutal, and honest portrayal
of Cal Jacobs on Euphoria
.
15
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:11,321
Throughout his career,
Eric played the heartthrob,
16
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:12,822
the athlete,
17
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,283
the hero,
18
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,202
and the villain,
19
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:21,121
always with the same
seemingly effortless charm,
20
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,708
authenticity, and depth.
21
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,544
His role as father to his two daughters,
22
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,505
Billie and Georgia,
23
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:32,092
was the one that mattered
the most to him though.
24
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:36,345
He was resilient
in his battle against ALS,
25
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:41,351
an incurable disease that paralyzed
much of his body, but never his spirit.
26
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,812
With his passing,
27
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:49,025
the world has lost a beloved leading man
in the prime of his life.
28
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:54,822
Before he died, Eric Dane sat down
for a deeply meaningful conversation,
29
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:57,282
at the end of which
he was given the opportunity
30
00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:01,121
to speak directly to the world
and deliver his final message,
31
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:07,252
knowing that what you're about to see
would not air until after he passed away,
32
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:12,173
even if that meant locking away
the footage for months or even years.
33
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,511
These are Eric Dane's famous last words.
34
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,808
Special for you. Runway.
35
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:23,935
Thank you.
36
00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,563
- You had to get me out here some way.
- Somehow, right?
37
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:31,483
And I think a fireman's carry
would have been asking a lot.
38
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:32,694
Exactly.
39
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,573
- I'm just gonna lock it.
- Great.
40
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:39,575
Wah.
41
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,995
- Well done.
- Okay, you're stuck her with me now.
42
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,961
Are you stuck in here with me,
or am I stuck in here with you?
43
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,422
Exactly.
44
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,383
You still have
a sense of humor about everything?
45
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,885
Mm. Very much so.
46
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,221
Did you have moments when you didn't
and it came back, or…?
47
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:04,933
No, I've… I've always had
a sense of humor about this.
48
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:09,230
It's really kind of interesting
what's happening to my body.
49
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:15,694
The mechanics of this disease
is pretty interesting to me.
50
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,029
It's when you zoom in
51
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,533
and look at how it affects
the individual moments
52
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:24,370
is when it can actually bring you down
a little bit.
53
00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:28,166
You know, I'm a… I'm a complainer.
54
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:33,712
I've always historically been,
like, the guy that would bitch and moan
55
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,216
on his way to doing anything.
56
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:37,925
Um,
57
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:41,888
but my spirit has been
surprisingly pretty buoyant
58
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,097
throughout this journey.
59
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:46,725
- Why do you think it is? What--
- I have no idea.
60
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:53,106
There's no reason for me to be, you know,
happy in any… any individual moment,
61
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,235
but… but I am.
62
00:03:56,653 --> 00:04:02,116
And is that something you think
someone who isn't sick can experience?
63
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,495
I think they can understand the concept.
64
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,830
I don't know
if they'll actually experience it
65
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,667
like somebody who's terminally ill.
66
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:15,671
Right. And what… what it means
to be alive has changed for you?
67
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,339
Every day.
68
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:23,804
The progression of this thing
is really just, uh… remarkable.
69
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,556
You know,
I'm sure I sound pretty good to you,
70
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,475
but to me, I feel like I'm…
71
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:31,104
I'm… I sound like a frog or…
72
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:36,525
I sit here in nothing but respect and awe
of you and your… and your strength,
73
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,027
so you sound good to me.
74
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:39,988
Good.
75
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:44,324
And so we're here
in this, uh, special room,
76
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,786
this set where we're totally private,
77
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:51,290
There's no camerapeople operating in here.
They're in another room.
78
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,626
- They can't hear what we're talking about.
- Mm-hmm.
79
00:04:54,127 --> 00:05:00,007
And the point of this always
for… for everyone we… we talk to here
80
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:04,886
is an opportunity to define themselves
when everybody's trying to define them,
81
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,807
an opportunity for them
to be really known.
82
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,726
And you and I talked about…
We wanted this…
83
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,770
our intention to be
a little bit more specific
84
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:17,608
in that… we really want at the end of this
85
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:22,237
that your children… will really know you
86
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:25,324
in a way they wouldn't have had
the opportunity to get to know you.
87
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,200
Mm-hmm.
88
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:29,746
You know, when this…
when people are watching this,
89
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,289
um,
90
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:32,915
you'll have died.
91
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,210
Is that a complicated thing to consider?
92
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:42,049
Because part of it is relief,
and part of it is, every… every minute,
93
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,803
no matter what you're feeling,
you're gonna wanna be present to.
94
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,305
Yeah.
95
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:54,520
It's a weird concept
to kind of grapple with.
96
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,314
Um,
97
00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:01,360
you and I are talking here right now,
and we're both very alive.
98
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,820
And at the same time,
99
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:07,492
when this, um… exists,
100
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,577
if it ever does,
101
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,454
I won't be here.
102
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,456
What's that feel like?
103
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,669
Um, it's kind of cool, I think.
104
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:21,213
Um…
105
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,214
How so?
106
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,674
Well, it's just,
107
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:25,259
um,
108
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:32,767
the idea of… of, um,
of living on past the…
109
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,605
the moment when you… when you peace out.
110
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,399
Um…
111
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,692
It's pretty…
it's pretty interesting to me.
112
00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:47,115
Speaking from the dead. Yeah.
113
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,616
That's what you're doing right now.
114
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:50,535
Yeah.
115
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,247
I'm gonna read your bio.
116
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:55,832
Okay.
117
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,752
"Eric William Dane."
118
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:04,965
"You were born November 9th, 1972
in San Francisco, California."
119
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,759
"Your mother, Leah Cohn, was a homemaker."
120
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,304
"Your father, William Dane Melvin,
was a navy airman
121
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:13,974
who became an architect
and an interior designer."
122
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,643
"He died when you were seven."
123
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,770
"You have a younger brother, Sean."
124
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,815
You were married to Rebecca Gayheart,
a model and actress,
125
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,233
for more than 20 years."
126
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,612
- You're still married to her today.
- Yeah, that's true.
127
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,948
Uh, "You share two daughters,
Georgia and Billie."
128
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,867
"Billie is named after your father."
129
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,995
- Mm-hmm.
- What was the thinking behind that?
130
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:39,459
My firstborn was always gonna be Billie,
whether it was a boy or a girl.
131
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,045
And she's got kind of a cool name.
132
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,132
- Billie Dane.
- Mm-hmm.
133
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,051
- Sounds like a gunfighter.
- Yeah, exactly.
134
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,970
Is Georgia named after anyone?
135
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,223
I think Rebecca just loved that name.
136
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:58,351
"You have been in an interesting
and impressive collection of shows."
137
00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:00,979
"Saved by the Bell, The Wonder Years,
138
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,981
Roseanne, Married with Children,
139
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,651
Silk Stockings, and
Charmed,
amongst many others."
140
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:11,448
"In 2006, your one-time guest role
as Dr. Mark Sloan on
Grey's Anatomy
141
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,367
ignited a fan hysteria so intense,
142
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:17,580
the show was rewritten
to make you into a leading man."
143
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,541
"After that, you starred
as Captain Tom Chandler on
The Last Ship,
144
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,336
followed by your critically acclaimed
performance as Cal Jacobs
145
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,339
on HBO's
Euphoria."
146
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:28,882
"Since you were diagnosed with ALS,
147
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:32,928
you have been a tireless champion
for expanding access to ALS treatment,
148
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,931
raising money, and bringing hope,
dignity, and grace
149
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,309
to the thousands impacted by the disease."
150
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,271
"And when this is broadcast,
all of that work will be finished,
151
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,358
and your body will be at rest.
152
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,446
How does it feel
to hear your… your bio like that?
153
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,574
Well, it feels like, uh…
154
00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:01,289
feels like there's an interesting story
in there somewhere.
155
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,086
I'm proud of some of it.
156
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:09,589
I mean, you know…
you know, fuck it, I'm dead.
157
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,842
I'm proud of all of it.
158
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:16,180
You know,
all of it got me to where I am today.
159
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:22,770
Stuff about my father
is always hard to hear, you know,
160
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,439
because that was such a wasted life.
161
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,692
He was so talented.
162
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:34,365
But, uh, there was
a ton of experience in there.
163
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,450
Life experience,
164
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,869
personal, professional.
165
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,872
I think when I really tried to be good
166
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,542
and, and, and approached the craft
167
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:51,798
with a certain amount
of, um, effort and, uh, and focus,
168
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:55,343
that I was capable of doing
some pretty good work.
169
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,763
Yeah, certainly your work on
Euphoria,
170
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,224
that is… that, to me, is masterwork.
171
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:05,813
Thank you.
I… I put a lot of effort into that.
172
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:10,317
What's a personal connection
to that character that you found?
173
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,612
There's something so… vulnerable.
174
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,365
There's something so exposed there.
175
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,075
Well, Cal and I are very similar
176
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:24,289
in that we know
what it's like to lead a double life.
177
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,250
I've… I've had experience with that
178
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:31,005
with, uh, my battle
with drugs and alcohol.
179
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,300
I know what it's like to not have my…
180
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,553
my insides match my outside.
181
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,306
Do you think
that's what your dad struggled with?
182
00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:47,355
I think
my father struggled with life,
183
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:52,443
and, uh, he never felt he was enough.
184
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,071
So when you were seven,
185
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:59,324
your father died
by suicide or an accident.
186
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,867
I guess there was some conversation,
187
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,787
but I'm not sure
which one you think it was.
188
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,748
I don't think, uh,
189
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:12,380
somebody who's that intoxicated
190
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:16,509
would, uh, play with a gun
191
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,469
in a bathroom
192
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:20,513
by themselves
193
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,473
for fun.
194
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:28,020
So I think my father
in that moment meant to do it.
195
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:36,237
I just… I kept thinking about
how lonely my father must have been
196
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,532
and how scared he must have been.
197
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:41,784
Um…
198
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,578
It's heartbreaking.
199
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:49,583
Does it make you emotional even now
as you think about his loneliness?
200
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,256
Yes.
201
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,676
And do you… do you connect it?
Can you connect with that loneliness?
202
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,010
Can you empathize?
203
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:04,347
Do you feel… Have you had
that… that level of loneliness as well?
204
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:06,225
100%.
205
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,897
I could feel lonely in a crowded room.
206
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,444
Has that always been your experience,
of what it meant to be Eric,
207
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,904
was that Eric was lonely?
208
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,574
Yeah. I've always felt
209
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:29,248
detached from my peers.
210
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:33,042
I've historically had
a very difficult time
211
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,629
connecting with people.
212
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:41,427
And, you know,
four months after my father died,
213
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:45,388
my grandmother died, who I lived with.
214
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:48,141
- And you were very close to her.
- Very close.
215
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,185
That was almost as impactful,
216
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,438
maybe more so than my dad.
217
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:55,191
She really took care of me.
218
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,277
- What was she like?
- She was great, man.
219
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,529
She was like…
220
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,741
She was so much fun.
I remember her putting on this record.
221
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:08,077
She put on the same record every day.
222
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:10,371
- Which one?
- It was Engelbert Humperdinck.
223
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:13,333
- Oh no.
- And it was "Quando."
224
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,878
♪ Tell me quando, quando, quando ♪
225
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:20,006
And she would play it all day on repeat
and dance around,
226
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,051
and she was just wonderful.
227
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:23,635
Wow.
228
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,764
And she would take
the
San Francisco Chronicle
229
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:33,813
and cut out the Dennis the Menace cartoon
every day and put it on the fridge.
230
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:38,234
Because she was convinced that I was him.
231
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,820
There was something there always.
232
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:47,910
Whether it was mischief or… or charm
or whatever you wanna call it,
233
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,495
I think there was something there.
234
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,165
- A rascal.
- A rascal.
235
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,042
Yeah, I maintain that.
236
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,627
- Always? Your whole life?
- Yes.
237
00:13:57,628 --> 00:14:00,296
And she was your dad's mom
or your mom's mom?
238
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,048
My mom's mom.
239
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:07,303
And your mom was less,
uh, involved or less maternal?
240
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,848
My mom was young.
241
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:17,314
I think she did the best she could
with the tools she had available to her.
242
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:22,694
I know that you've told the story before
about when your mother told you
243
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,737
that he had committed suicide.
244
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,155
- You were seven.
- Oh. Yeah.
245
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,366
She woke you up
in the middle of the night.
246
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,827
Before she would tell you,
she told you over and over,
247
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,454
"I need you to promise to be strong."
248
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,248
- That's correct.
- As a seven-year-old.
249
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,500
There's a,
250
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,252
um,
251
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:45,593
a real sort of block, I think,
in the… in the empathy department.
252
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:50,890
And I think it's because
she's got a black belt in denial.
253
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,934
- Um…
- What is she denying?
254
00:14:54,435 --> 00:15:00,440
I think she's denying that it could have
such a profound impact on me.
255
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:01,900
- On you?
- Yeah.
256
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:08,490
Also, I don't think she's fully accepted
that, uh, I have this disease.
257
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,077
You know, I think
she's still hanging on to the idea
258
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,497
that there's gonna be a miracle cure
259
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,416
a year from now.
260
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,794
And it's denial.
It's not hope. She's not hopeful.
261
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,046
It's denial.
262
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,049
Listen, um…
263
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:27,676
I don't blame her.
264
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,888
If my kid had ALS,
265
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,432
I would… I would cling to that too.
266
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,558
Yeah.
267
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,186
You clean with your mother?
268
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:42,274
Oh, no. Well, I ain't gonna open up
Pandora's Box, Brad.
269
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:44,984
That's a whole other show.
270
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,698
My mother always felt like
I was a challenging…
271
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:53,535
She refers to me as a challenging child.
272
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:58,998
And whether it was because she saw
parts of my dad in me,
273
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,669
or I was just difficult…
274
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:05,505
- You were Dennis the Menace, you said.
- I was Dennis the Menace.
275
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,634
Even today, when I bring things up,
276
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,428
you know, she's like, um,
277
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,348
"Well, you know,
can't you just get past this?"
278
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,518
And, you know, "It happened so long ago."
279
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,105
"Why is it still affecting you?"
280
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,730
- Mm.
- Um…
281
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:28,362
And I think trauma reaches somebody
on a cellular level.
282
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:32,199
It's really hard
to get it out of your system.
283
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,284
In fact, probably impossible.
284
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,747
The only thing you can do is
learn how to deal with it.
285
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,751
I've been working through it
for a long time.
286
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:49,674
I, uh, I ended up
going to a, a, a treatment center
287
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,301
for… for trauma and depression.
288
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:54,346
Mostly related to your dad?
289
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,932
Oh, solely related to my dad,
290
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,728
'cause that's where the trauma came from.
291
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,770
Do you have a memory
292
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:06,149
of the… of the moment
of being hit with that information
293
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,610
and the trauma setting in,
or something shutting off at that moment?
294
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:10,988
Shutting off.
295
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,700
Don't feel. Be strong to me, man.
296
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,952
Don't feel. Don't cry.
297
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,954
I wanted to explode.
298
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:20,831
Mm.
299
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,127
But I had to keep it in.
300
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:30,423
In a way, I suppose your… your father,
he couldn't do that for himself.
301
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:31,467
He clearly…
302
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,094
No. No.
303
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,388
That was not on the table.
304
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,101
Mm.
305
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:45,271
Did you… did you feel moments in life
where your dad wasn't there for?
306
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:47,482
I mean, you played…
You were a big athlete.
307
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,983
You were playing water polo.
308
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,778
You were achieving a lot out in the world.
309
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:55,532
Were there moments when you said,
"Man, if only dad could be here for this"?
310
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,120
Many.
311
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,089
You ever talk to him?
312
00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,759
I've written letters to him.
313
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,095
Not so much lately.
314
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,932
I think I've found real peace around it.
315
00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:23,976
It still makes me feel,
316
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:28,940
but I think I've…
I've really found some peace around it.
317
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,401
Does he ever talk to you?
You ever hear his voice?
318
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,862
No. Um…
319
00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:39,660
I've got a very controversial relationship
with the universe right now.
320
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,579
I can't see why.
321
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:47,333
So when you say that, though,
like, at this point,
322
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,337
again, as people are watching this,
you are at… at peace.
323
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,464
Your body is at peace.
324
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:57,260
So where… where are you? What is the…
What is your belief about this?
325
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,095
You want my honest answer?
326
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,555
Mm-hmm, yeah. Well…
327
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,891
I think when the lights go out,
328
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,434
it's over.
329
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:06,270
Mm.
330
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:11,316
I don't… I don't believe that there's a…
331
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,529
another place for our souls to go.
332
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:19,240
I think people believe that stuff
333
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,870
because it provides them
with a lot of comfort.
334
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,039
But, um,
335
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:31,795
I've really come to grips with it.
and I think once the lights go out,
336
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,048
out with the old, in with the new.
337
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:39,303
- Have you always believed that?
- I think so, yeah.
338
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:44,765
I do believe that when we go to sleep,
339
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:47,603
or however it is we… we go,
340
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:50,355
once we're gone, we're gone.
341
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:55,485
And we live on in the memories
of the people that will miss us.
342
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,154
Mm.
343
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:02,075
I… I imagine there's a lot of people
missing you a lot right now.
344
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,161
So you're definitely living on.
345
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:05,871
Yeah.
346
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:11,752
If I were to ask Georgia and Billie
who was their dad,
347
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,962
what do you think they'd say?
348
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,844
I think they would… they would lead with…
349
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:22,846
um,
350
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,516
I'm a reactive person.
351
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:31,062
- "My dad was a reactive person."
- What would they mean by that?
352
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,606
Not necessarily a negative connotation,
353
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:37,361
but some of their core memories,
354
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:41,113
uh, involved me reacting to something.
355
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:43,033
Like? Give me… give me something.
356
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:48,205
Uh… You know, traffic is always a good…
357
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,123
a good impetus for that.
358
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,084
Yeah.
359
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,543
Um…
360
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:58,298
And I think they would…
they would say that I was pretty tough.
361
00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,259
- Yeah.
- Tough as in strong, as in…
362
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,176
Resilient.
363
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:03,470
- Resilient.
- Yeah.
364
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,889
They would say I was loving.
365
00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:08,099
And I was…
366
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,270
I was really endearing and compassionate
367
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,314
and empathetic and…
368
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,649
um,
369
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,193
trustworthy.
370
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,195
A good dad?
371
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,530
I'm a good dad, yeah.
372
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,825
They… they know that…
They, they, they would think that too?
373
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,577
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
374
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:33,666
We did some really great traveling,
saw some wonderful places.
375
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:36,043
Any particular moment
that comes in your mind,
376
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,713
highlight of something
you guys did together?
377
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:41,091
We went to Europe one year.
378
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:43,302
Um…
379
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:46,388
And there was a time where…
380
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,265
…I was, uh…
381
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:51,183
We were ripping through
the French countryside
382
00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:55,272
with the kids in the back
of this crazy little car we rented.
383
00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:59,442
Um, and I was flying through
the French countryside.
384
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:03,447
Um, and I would say everything
with a French accent.
385
00:22:05,365 --> 00:22:09,494
And for some reason, for that 15 minutes,
386
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,496
my French accent was spot on.
387
00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:15,916
And I have no idea
where it came from.
388
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:18,210
Everybody just in stitches,
just laughing.
389
00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:20,422
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Mm.
390
00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:24,593
That's the best thing.
It's my favorite thing to do.
391
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,972
- Get them all laughing.
- And laugh myself too.
392
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:31,850
How would you describe your style
as being a dad?
393
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:39,358
Well, I think… I think showing up
is the number one… number one quality.
394
00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:44,237
Um, I haven't been perfect with that.
395
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:49,284
But I've always been there
when it mattered.
396
00:22:49,826 --> 00:22:53,663
Do you… when you say imperfect, do you
have regrets about time you spent away?
397
00:22:54,247 --> 00:22:57,584
Yeah. Well, their mother and I
are no longer together.
398
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:03,798
Um, we're still really best friends,
but we're not together.
399
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:07,760
So by… by, you know,
400
00:23:07,761 --> 00:23:11,055
just by virtue of the… the distance
401
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,518
and us living under separate…
in separate homes,
402
00:23:15,143 --> 00:23:18,980
you know, there's a lot of…
lot of time lost there.
403
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:21,690
But, you know,
404
00:23:21,691 --> 00:23:26,487
I made sure that I… I can be there
as… as much as possible,
405
00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:29,031
and certainly when it counts.
406
00:23:29,032 --> 00:23:31,159
What would you consider "when it counts"?
407
00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:37,541
I've shown up
to all of Billie's ballet recitals.
408
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:40,835
I've been to many
Nutcrackers.
409
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,378
And I'll tell you,
410
00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:45,924
there's a couple of pieces in there
that are beautiful.
411
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,845
But, Jesus, that thing drones on, man.
412
00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:52,763
- I saw it once, yeah.
- Like… like three hours.
413
00:23:52,764 --> 00:23:54,723
Um…
414
00:23:54,724 --> 00:23:56,309
But I've been to all of them.
415
00:23:57,394 --> 00:23:58,311
Uh,
416
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:02,148
I go to Georgia's beach volleyball games.
417
00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:04,943
I'm present in their lives,
418
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:07,529
whether I'm in front of them
419
00:24:08,363 --> 00:24:11,658
or 2,000 miles away.
420
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:13,118
Right.
421
00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:15,828
So, with Rebecca,
422
00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:18,998
who you met and fell in love with quickly,
423
00:24:18,999 --> 00:24:23,170
how would you describe the essence
of that relationship and that love affair?
424
00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:26,590
Well, we still love each other deeply.
425
00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:30,010
I just think
we don't wanna live with each other.
426
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:34,431
But there's a lot of love there.
I'll… I'll never…
427
00:24:34,931 --> 00:24:39,101
I will have never,
by the time anybody sees this,
428
00:24:39,102 --> 00:24:44,357
have fallen in love with another woman
as deeply as I fell in love with Rebecca.
429
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:47,652
She's the mother of my children.
430
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:52,115
And the whole way that thing came about,
it was so…
431
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:58,245
…organic and fortuitous.
432
00:24:58,246 --> 00:25:00,081
I met Rebecca,
433
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:04,376
and I turned to her friend,
and I said, "I'm gonna marry that girl."
434
00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:05,837
How did you know?
435
00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:08,839
I have no idea.
436
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,468
I have no idea
how serious I was in that moment.
437
00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:13,929
But I said that.
438
00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:19,433
And her friend said, "No way.
She's never breaking up with her fiancé."
439
00:25:19,434 --> 00:25:22,854
"They're getting married.
They've been together since they were 15."
440
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,148
You know, four years later, I married her.
441
00:25:26,107 --> 00:25:31,904
I knew that I wanted to spend the rest
of my life where it's supposed to happen.
442
00:25:31,905 --> 00:25:34,782
Does she know you better than anybody?
She knows you the most?
443
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,034
A hundred percent.
444
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:40,621
What would she say
if… if I asked her who, who, who was Eric?
445
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:41,957
Oh wow.
446
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:46,962
Well, she would say that I was probably…
447
00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:51,216
um, a person who was
448
00:25:53,093 --> 00:25:57,347
constantly vulnerable
and terrified of being vulnerable.
449
00:25:57,847 --> 00:25:58,765
Mm-hmm.
450
00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:03,186
I think she would say that, uh,
451
00:26:04,521 --> 00:26:05,897
I was funny.
452
00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:09,233
Um…
453
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:13,154
I think she would say that I was charming
and didn't know it.
454
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,865
You don't know you're charming,
or that quality that you have,
455
00:26:16,866 --> 00:26:20,911
that, that, that star…
charming quality, that's just…?
456
00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:23,498
I would argue I didn't have it.
457
00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:28,002
Well, I don't know if you can have it
and know that you have it.
458
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:30,504
Makes sense.
Then it's inauthentic, right?
459
00:26:30,505 --> 00:26:33,257
I think it'd be inauthentic, yeah.
460
00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:36,803
So what happened between the two of you?
Why did the marriage not work out?
461
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:44,101
I think Rebecca was more willing
to show up and do her part than I was.
462
00:26:44,102 --> 00:26:46,313
How come? How come you weren't?
463
00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:50,025
I don't have that, uh…
464
00:26:52,527 --> 00:26:55,071
that gene that just, uh…
465
00:26:56,615 --> 00:27:01,452
uh, makes you wanna keep going
regardless of what's happening.
466
00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:04,788
I'm like, if there's a hole in the boat,
467
00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:07,042
don't try to patch the hole.
468
00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:11,045
Scuttle the damn thing,
and go find a new one.
469
00:27:11,046 --> 00:27:11,921
Mm.
470
00:27:13,089 --> 00:27:17,885
And that's how… that's how
you approached big problems in the past,
471
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,386
in your life in general?
472
00:27:19,387 --> 00:27:20,555
Yeah.
473
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,308
I have.
474
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:25,977
But you can't do that now.
475
00:27:26,936 --> 00:27:27,854
No.
476
00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:32,567
Does that change your perspective
on that strategy?
477
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,654
Yes.
478
00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:41,576
I've always been envious of people
who fight and persevere.
479
00:27:42,952 --> 00:27:45,997
Rebecca's a fighter, and she perseveres.
480
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,166
But you clearly have
a ton of perseverance. Maybe it was--
481
00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:52,753
I don't know.
Is resiliency the same thing?
482
00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:54,338
I don't know. What do you think?
483
00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:56,757
How do you see the difference
between those two things?
484
00:27:56,758 --> 00:28:01,387
I think one is, uh, a, a coping mechanism
485
00:28:01,388 --> 00:28:03,180
or an act of defense,
486
00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:06,059
and the other is more, um,
487
00:28:07,143 --> 00:28:08,478
uh, proactive.
488
00:28:09,312 --> 00:28:14,984
I think perseverance is
something that you do to something.
489
00:28:15,735 --> 00:28:16,569
Right.
490
00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:20,907
But when you describe really living
every moment up until the end
491
00:28:21,408 --> 00:28:24,326
and having to be really present,
that feels like perseverance,
492
00:28:24,327 --> 00:28:25,286
not resilience.
493
00:28:25,995 --> 00:28:29,666
- Resilience feels like survival.
- Yeah, you're right.
494
00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:34,379
Resiliency is survival.
495
00:28:35,755 --> 00:28:39,384
And do you feel like
most of your life, you've been surviving?
496
00:28:41,511 --> 00:28:45,931
Well, now that you mention it, Brad…
497
00:28:45,932 --> 00:28:47,975
Um… yeah,
498
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:52,271
I have displayed some perseverance
in there in a few spots.
499
00:28:52,272 --> 00:28:53,939
I think so.
500
00:28:53,940 --> 00:28:56,024
It looks that way from here, you know?
501
00:28:56,025 --> 00:28:57,317
- Yeah.
- Certainly.
502
00:28:57,318 --> 00:28:59,778
And not just… not just with the ALS.
503
00:28:59,779 --> 00:29:02,781
That, that, that just goes to… to show
504
00:29:02,782 --> 00:29:08,663
that I have a warped sense
of… of, uh, who I am.
505
00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:13,375
So two questions. What's the warped sense,
and what's the true sense, do you think?
506
00:29:13,376 --> 00:29:15,670
What's the warped sense
of who you are to you?
507
00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:18,130
- The warped sense?
- Who you were.
508
00:29:18,131 --> 00:29:19,548
Okay. Okay.
509
00:29:19,549 --> 00:29:25,345
Listen, the warped sense is,
uh, as I am, I am not enough.
510
00:29:25,346 --> 00:29:26,306
Mm.
511
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:32,562
And, uh, I'm not deserving
512
00:29:33,229 --> 00:29:36,191
of, of having, uh,
513
00:29:37,192 --> 00:29:38,485
a great life.
514
00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:42,614
I'm a little different than everybody.
515
00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:48,119
You know, my life experience
was very unique at that point.
516
00:29:50,288 --> 00:29:54,959
And it made me feel like,
as I was, I was not enough.
517
00:29:57,378 --> 00:30:00,131
And the reality of that is,
518
00:30:01,299 --> 00:30:03,426
I was absolutely
519
00:30:04,511 --> 00:30:06,429
more than enough.
520
00:30:08,389 --> 00:30:09,974
When did you realize that?
521
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:14,437
About two minutes ago.
522
00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:16,522
Um…
523
00:30:16,523 --> 00:30:18,942
I realized that, uh,
524
00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:23,279
you know, this thing has made me
a little bit softer,
525
00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:25,698
a little bit more open,
526
00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:28,493
and a little bit more, um…
527
00:30:29,452 --> 00:30:32,121
uh, available
528
00:30:32,956 --> 00:30:36,918
to experience the truths about myself.
529
00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,795
My friends remind me too.
530
00:30:39,796 --> 00:30:41,589
All I'm left with is…
531
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:43,341
is me.
532
00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:46,844
And it's kind of a fucked-up way
of realizing
533
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:49,680
that you were enough the whole time.
534
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:56,311
When everything gets taken away,
and all you have left is this person.
535
00:30:56,312 --> 00:30:58,939
Do you still have judgment
about yourself sometimes,
536
00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:00,733
or do you totally put that away?
537
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:02,527
Buried it.
538
00:31:04,904 --> 00:31:07,114
Ain't nothing left to judge.
539
00:31:09,742 --> 00:31:12,160
What would you tell people watching this,
540
00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:15,206
how they should live
or treat themselves or…?
541
00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:19,669
You know, I don't think
I can tell anybody how they should live.
542
00:31:20,461 --> 00:31:24,215
I would make a gentle…
a gentle suggestion.
543
00:31:25,216 --> 00:31:28,260
Every opportunity,
544
00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:31,639
every single opportunity you have
545
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:34,267
to stomp on your ego…
546
00:31:36,519 --> 00:31:37,519
take it.
547
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:38,396
Mm.
548
00:31:39,939 --> 00:31:42,065
Did you ever do that before this?
549
00:31:42,066 --> 00:31:43,942
Yes, I've worked on it.
550
00:31:43,943 --> 00:31:46,362
I'm under construction.
551
00:31:48,656 --> 00:31:50,867
- We all are, right?
- Yeah.
552
00:31:51,367 --> 00:31:53,077
Do you have any particular…
553
00:31:54,662 --> 00:31:55,662
life hacks?
554
00:31:55,663 --> 00:31:58,248
You know, I always tell my son,
when you shave,
555
00:31:58,249 --> 00:32:01,084
shave in ways
so that if you have to stop in the middle,
556
00:32:01,085 --> 00:32:04,171
you won't look silly.
So first the bottom and then the sides.
557
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:05,339
- Right.
- And so that…
558
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:07,174
- An earthquake could happen.
- Okay.
559
00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:10,677
And so these are… these are
random life hacks that any human has
560
00:32:10,678 --> 00:32:13,264
that kind of die with them
because they're so silly.
561
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:15,182
Do you have any of those?
562
00:32:15,183 --> 00:32:16,392
Um…
563
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:22,315
Well, you know,
I think you should always make your bed.
564
00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:29,113
And I don't have a "make your bed" speech,
but you should always make your bed.
565
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:31,031
Because at the very least,
566
00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:35,536
if you wanna, like, hide from the world
and jump back in it,
567
00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:37,537
it looks inviting.
568
00:32:39,248 --> 00:32:40,333
It's a good one.
569
00:32:40,833 --> 00:32:42,501
I got girls.
570
00:32:42,502 --> 00:32:44,753
I can't teach them how to shave.
571
00:32:44,754 --> 00:32:46,255
No.
572
00:32:46,756 --> 00:32:49,717
But you must have shaved your legs
for water polo, yeah?
573
00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:52,844
No, I didn't have to.
I'm virtually hairless.
574
00:32:52,845 --> 00:32:54,097
Oh, really?
575
00:32:55,848 --> 00:32:58,600
I find nothing more impressive
than water polo players.
576
00:32:58,601 --> 00:33:00,394
That, to me, is real athleticism,
577
00:33:00,395 --> 00:33:03,230
to be able to play that game
while swimming.
578
00:33:03,231 --> 00:33:05,315
Yeah. I was really good.
579
00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:07,150
- Were you?
- I was.
580
00:33:07,151 --> 00:33:09,904
Good enough to say I was really good.
581
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:14,408
From everything else we've said,
I don't think you would have said you were
582
00:33:14,409 --> 00:33:15,909
unless you were really good.
583
00:33:15,910 --> 00:33:18,620
It would've taken a lot
to overcome your insecurity.
584
00:33:18,621 --> 00:33:21,081
- Right.
- You have to have undeniable evidence.
585
00:33:21,082 --> 00:33:24,209
Undeniable evidence
that I was really good.
586
00:33:24,210 --> 00:33:26,671
What else are you undeniably good at?
587
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:29,173
That's a great question.
588
00:33:30,925 --> 00:33:32,176
Wow.
589
00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:36,722
I was undeniably a good tennis player.
590
00:33:36,723 --> 00:33:37,682
Mm.
591
00:33:38,474 --> 00:33:43,687
I think I had my moments in my career
where I was undeniably good.
592
00:33:43,688 --> 00:33:47,482
I wouldn't say undeniably amazing,
593
00:33:47,483 --> 00:33:49,359
but I was undeniably good.
594
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:50,737
When would those be?
595
00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:53,114
Hmm.
596
00:33:53,656 --> 00:33:57,201
You know,
some of the early days on
Grey's Anatomy.
597
00:33:57,702 --> 00:34:01,204
I just felt like on… on the whole,
598
00:34:01,205 --> 00:34:05,126
that experience was very gratifying,
599
00:34:05,918 --> 00:34:09,421
even when I tried to sink the ship.
600
00:34:09,422 --> 00:34:10,505
Mm-hmm.
601
00:34:10,506 --> 00:34:14,509
This is when your addiction
got overwhelming during that time.
602
00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:18,722
Yeah. I am not good
with a lot of time on my hands.
603
00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:20,183
I need structure,
604
00:34:20,683 --> 00:34:24,604
and that show provided
a lot of structure for me.
605
00:34:25,271 --> 00:34:26,189
Um…
606
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:32,028
And when we… we stopped short
for the writers' strike,
607
00:34:32,528 --> 00:34:34,238
I had months off,
608
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:36,157
and, uh,
609
00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:41,828
I found my way back
to, uh, drugs and alcohol.
610
00:34:41,829 --> 00:34:45,249
There was a self-sabotage
that went on there during that.
611
00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:49,754
Yeah. But, uh, I knew better,
612
00:34:50,463 --> 00:34:53,215
because, uh, at that time,
613
00:34:53,216 --> 00:34:56,677
I had been sober for about nine years.
614
00:34:57,970 --> 00:34:59,555
So I knew better.
615
00:35:00,056 --> 00:35:04,143
And you don't think that overcoming
addiction like that is perseverance?
616
00:35:06,687 --> 00:35:08,648
I think it's resilience.
617
00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:12,692
Sobriety is an action,
and it's an action you take every day.
618
00:35:12,693 --> 00:35:13,819
That's true.
619
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:16,780
That seems like
your definition of perseverance to me.
620
00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:20,992
That's true. Well, I guess maybe there's
a little perseverance in there too.
621
00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:27,040
All right. We… we talked about
who your family thought Eric Dane was,
622
00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:29,669
but who do
you think Eric Dane was?
623
00:35:33,172 --> 00:35:34,882
He was a kind…
624
00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:40,054
thoughtful,
625
00:35:40,805 --> 00:35:42,140
considerate…
626
00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:46,227
empathetic,
627
00:35:47,019 --> 00:35:48,479
sensitive…
628
00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:54,652
vulnerable,
629
00:35:55,236 --> 00:35:57,864
even though afraid to be at times,
630
00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:02,076
person who cares a lot.
631
00:36:02,743 --> 00:36:05,912
It's hard to be
somebody who's extraordinarily sensitive.
632
00:36:05,913 --> 00:36:10,750
To feel as… as deeply
and intensely as I feel all the time?
633
00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:13,796
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. It's exhausting.
634
00:36:14,338 --> 00:36:16,840
And now are people gentler with…
I guess they are.
635
00:36:16,841 --> 00:36:19,092
People are probably much gentler
with
you now.
636
00:36:19,093 --> 00:36:21,220
I'm much gentler with them.
637
00:36:22,388 --> 00:36:23,597
Yeah.
638
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:24,807
Do you have regrets?
639
00:36:25,683 --> 00:36:26,809
Tons.
640
00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:28,643
Yes.
641
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:29,478
What?
642
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:32,856
I regret some of the decisions I've made,
643
00:36:32,857 --> 00:36:37,195
some of the choices I've made
surrounding drugs and alcohol.
644
00:36:37,737 --> 00:36:39,655
Have you forgiven yourself for them?
645
00:36:41,073 --> 00:36:42,491
Well…
646
00:36:43,784 --> 00:36:45,744
There are a couple of things.
647
00:36:45,745 --> 00:36:47,871
I mean, yeah…
648
00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:51,709
No, I… I feel like
I've let go of pretty much everything.
649
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:53,628
What's that feel like?
650
00:36:54,128 --> 00:36:55,796
It's very freeing.
651
00:36:56,297 --> 00:36:58,841
So what if you don't like me?
652
00:37:01,969 --> 00:37:05,347
Man, I wish I could feel like this
when I was a…
653
00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:09,435
Like, you know,
able-bodied and strong and healthy.
654
00:37:10,019 --> 00:37:11,269
It's like it flipped.
655
00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:14,272
Your inside became your outside.
Your outside became your inside.
656
00:37:14,273 --> 00:37:15,107
Yeah.
657
00:37:17,735 --> 00:37:19,153
I don't mind that.
658
00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:21,446
But at the same time,
659
00:37:21,447 --> 00:37:25,784
I'm not gonna be around
for my kids for a lot of…
660
00:37:25,785 --> 00:37:28,162
Most likely, I won't be around
661
00:37:28,663 --> 00:37:32,624
to, you know,
walk my kids, my girls down the aisle
662
00:37:32,625 --> 00:37:36,045
and, you know, have grandkids, and…
663
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:38,714
That's, um…
664
00:37:39,382 --> 00:37:41,550
That's a tough thing to deal with.
665
00:37:42,301 --> 00:37:43,261
Um…
666
00:37:44,011 --> 00:37:47,847
Have you thought about getting to a point
where you say, "I think I might be done"?
667
00:37:47,848 --> 00:37:49,642
Uh, yes.
668
00:37:51,227 --> 00:37:56,231
Yes, I have a… a set of, of circumstances
669
00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:58,650
I don't think I'm willing to deal with.
670
00:37:58,651 --> 00:38:01,152
I may feel differently at this time,
671
00:38:01,153 --> 00:38:05,198
but I guess by the time anybody sees this,
672
00:38:05,199 --> 00:38:08,159
they will have known if I stuck to that.
673
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,871
But I'll tell you, if, uh…
674
00:38:11,497 --> 00:38:14,917
if I can't communicate
with my daughters anymore
675
00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:17,169
and I can't move,
676
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,797
I don't wanna be here.
677
00:38:23,759 --> 00:38:26,386
I know you've done a lot of work
to try and raise money
678
00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:31,349
and to get, uh, politicians
to be, um… actively working
679
00:38:31,350 --> 00:38:33,977
to get government funding behind ALS.
680
00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:36,479
And I know, uh, in… in the recent times,
681
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:40,150
there's been a lot of funding cuts
for those things.
682
00:38:40,151 --> 00:38:42,403
- Mm.
- Could everyone be doing more?
683
00:38:43,362 --> 00:38:45,281
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of silly.
684
00:38:45,781 --> 00:38:46,699
Um…
685
00:38:47,325 --> 00:38:49,869
Apparently, from what I gather,
686
00:38:50,369 --> 00:38:51,536
uh,
687
00:38:51,537 --> 00:38:54,623
the research is fueled by money.
688
00:38:55,124 --> 00:38:57,877
And it's just a money problem.
689
00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:01,338
If they had unlimited funds and research,
690
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:04,258
we would find a solution
to this pretty quick.
691
00:39:04,925 --> 00:39:09,638
There's only 31,000 people
with ALS in this country.
692
00:39:10,765 --> 00:39:16,436
There's 340 million people
in the United States of America.
693
00:39:16,437 --> 00:39:18,814
I think it's hard to
694
00:39:20,274 --> 00:39:23,652
understand the concept of a single life.
695
00:39:24,820 --> 00:39:25,738
Um,
696
00:39:26,238 --> 00:39:31,117
and how big that single life can be
and how many people it affects.
697
00:39:31,118 --> 00:39:33,537
And when you're an executive
698
00:39:34,163 --> 00:39:37,583
looking at, uh, numbers…
699
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:42,922
I still can't believe
this is happening to me.
700
00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:47,218
It's weird, you know?
701
00:39:48,010 --> 00:39:52,847
I didn't think this was gonna be
the end of the road for me.
702
00:39:52,848 --> 00:39:57,395
This was never part of the story
I created for myself.
703
00:39:58,604 --> 00:39:59,772
You know?
704
00:40:01,690 --> 00:40:08,488
I didn't think I would get something
as crazy and deadly as ALS.
705
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:13,077
Like, why would I get something like that?
706
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:14,703
You know?
707
00:40:16,914 --> 00:40:18,290
I'm healthy.
708
00:40:19,708 --> 00:40:22,878
But I don't feel sorry for myself.
709
00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:28,551
I feel bad for my kids
and Rebecca and my friends.
710
00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:32,430
But I've…
I've never felt sorry for myself.
711
00:40:33,305 --> 00:40:35,890
- It's remarkable.
- I don't know what it is, man.
712
00:40:35,891 --> 00:40:37,308
Like I said,
713
00:40:37,309 --> 00:40:42,273
there's absolutely no logical explanation
714
00:40:43,315 --> 00:40:45,067
for me to, um…
715
00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:50,448
be dealing with this
the way I've been dealing with it.
716
00:40:50,948 --> 00:40:54,910
I mean, it almost feels like
something was taken from you.
717
00:40:55,411 --> 00:40:58,246
A spirit was taken from you
when you were seven
718
00:40:58,247 --> 00:41:00,081
and what happened with your dad.
719
00:41:00,082 --> 00:41:04,545
And this has, in some ways,
allowed you to have it back.
720
00:41:05,045 --> 00:41:07,465
I guess so. Yeah.
721
00:41:09,133 --> 00:41:09,967
Yeah.
722
00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,430
That's pretty good, Brad.
723
00:41:18,100 --> 00:41:21,604
Is there anything that you would wanna
leave out there before…
724
00:41:23,022 --> 00:41:25,899
I never murdered anybody, Brad.
725
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:27,985
I believe you. I believe you.
726
00:41:28,569 --> 00:41:31,362
I don't… I can't imagine
you ever really hurt anybody,
727
00:41:31,363 --> 00:41:32,864
truly hurt anybody.
728
00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:36,159
I punched a couple of people,
but they deserved it.
729
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,162
There you go.
Sometimes you gotta punch people.
730
00:41:39,163 --> 00:41:40,164
That's true.
731
00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,708
What were the… Why did you punch them?
732
00:41:43,375 --> 00:41:45,252
Well, somebody came at me.
733
00:41:45,836 --> 00:41:47,128
And I socked him.
734
00:41:47,129 --> 00:41:48,505
Did you connect?
735
00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:50,089
Oh yeah.
736
00:41:50,090 --> 00:41:51,050
Yeah.
737
00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:55,429
I don't have anything
really crazy to confess.
738
00:41:56,555 --> 00:41:58,807
- I kind of wish I did.
- Mm.
739
00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:01,894
I've had a lot of fun.
740
00:42:03,312 --> 00:42:07,733
Some unhealthy, some very, very unhealthy.
741
00:42:08,234 --> 00:42:10,027
But you look back fondly on all of it.
742
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:12,571
Most of it.
743
00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:14,365
Most of it.
744
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,911
Okay, so we've come to the end
of the conversation.
745
00:42:19,411 --> 00:42:22,414
It's been pretty transformative for me.
746
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:27,878
And the way you demonstrated
what perseverance means
747
00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:30,255
and what being present means.
748
00:42:30,256 --> 00:42:32,715
So thank you for being so honest.
749
00:42:32,716 --> 00:42:37,263
Thank
you for allowing me to have
this conversation with you.
750
00:42:39,056 --> 00:42:41,559
I mean, I think
this is probably the most, um…
751
00:42:43,852 --> 00:42:48,148
revealing and in-depth conversation
I've had with just about anybody.
752
00:42:48,649 --> 00:42:49,817
I'm really glad.
753
00:42:50,442 --> 00:42:53,696
You asked, uh, the right questions.
754
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:56,365
You… you are
755
00:42:57,366 --> 00:43:00,743
an excellent tennis partner
to do this with.
756
00:43:00,744 --> 00:43:02,705
Thank you for saying that.
757
00:43:03,664 --> 00:43:05,749
And so now I'm gonna leave the room.
758
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:10,211
Now you have an opportunity
to say goodbye in your own words.
759
00:43:10,212 --> 00:43:13,006
You're gonna look at that camera
over there.
760
00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:18,595
And I hope that Georgia and Billie
know their dad after watching this.
761
00:43:18,596 --> 00:43:20,389
So thank you, Eric.
762
00:43:21,890 --> 00:43:23,309
Thank you, Brad.
763
00:43:31,900 --> 00:43:35,654
Billie and Georgia,
these words are for you.
764
00:43:36,488 --> 00:43:37,823
I tried.
765
00:43:39,366 --> 00:43:42,244
I stumbled sometimes, but I tried.
766
00:43:43,662 --> 00:43:46,540
Overall, we had a blast, didn't we?
767
00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:50,711
I remember all the times
we spent at the beach.
768
00:43:51,253 --> 00:43:55,841
The two of you, me, and Mom
in Malibu, Santa Monica…
769
00:44:02,056 --> 00:44:05,392
Santa Monica, Hawaii, Mexico.
770
00:44:06,143 --> 00:44:09,062
I see you now
playing in the ocean for hours,
771
00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:10,981
my water babies.
772
00:44:12,274 --> 00:44:15,235
Those days, pun intended, were heaven.
773
00:44:17,821 --> 00:44:21,741
I wanna tell you four things
I've learned from this disease,
774
00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:23,868
and I hope you won't just listen to me.
775
00:44:23,869 --> 00:44:25,621
I hope you'll hear me.
776
00:44:27,748 --> 00:44:30,626
First, live now,
777
00:44:31,877 --> 00:44:34,713
right now, in the present.
778
00:44:35,422 --> 00:44:38,217
It's hard, but I learned to do that.
779
00:44:39,259 --> 00:44:44,932
For years, I would wander off mentally,
lost in my head for long chunks of time,
780
00:44:45,432 --> 00:44:49,561
wallowing in worry and self-pity,
shame, and doubt.
781
00:44:50,354 --> 00:44:52,397
I replayed decisions,
782
00:44:52,398 --> 00:44:53,940
second-guessed myself.
783
00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:57,486
"I should have done this."
"I never should have done that."
784
00:44:58,112 --> 00:44:59,238
No more.
785
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:04,159
Out of pure survival,
I am forced to stay in the present.
786
00:45:06,161 --> 00:45:08,414
But I don't wanna be anywhere else.
787
00:45:08,914 --> 00:45:11,375
The past contains regrets.
788
00:45:11,875 --> 00:45:14,128
The future remains unknown.
789
00:45:14,628 --> 00:45:16,714
So you have to live
now.
790
00:45:17,715 --> 00:45:19,883
The present is all you have.
791
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:23,470
Treasure it. Cherish every moment.
792
00:45:23,971 --> 00:45:26,515
Second, fall in love.
793
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:29,934
Not necessarily with a person,
794
00:45:29,935 --> 00:45:33,020
although I do recommend that as well.
795
00:45:33,021 --> 00:45:34,898
But fall in love with something.
796
00:45:35,399 --> 00:45:37,943
Find your passion, your joy.
797
00:45:38,694 --> 00:45:41,947
Find the thing that makes you wanna get up
in the morning.
798
00:45:43,282 --> 00:45:45,659
Drives you through the entire day.
799
00:45:46,702 --> 00:45:49,912
I fell in love for the first time
when I was about your age.
800
00:45:49,913 --> 00:45:51,540
I fell in love with acting.
801
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:56,003
That love eventually got me through
my darkest hours,
802
00:45:56,712 --> 00:45:58,505
my darkest days,
803
00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:01,091
my darkest year.
804
00:46:02,176 --> 00:46:05,553
I still love my work.
I still look forward to it.
805
00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:09,224
I still wanna get in front of a camera
and play my part.
806
00:46:10,392 --> 00:46:13,896
My work doesn't define me,
but it excites me.
807
00:46:14,563 --> 00:46:15,981
Find something.
808
00:46:17,316 --> 00:46:19,693
Find something that excites you.
809
00:46:20,235 --> 00:46:21,819
Find your path.
810
00:46:21,820 --> 00:46:23,738
Your purpose.
811
00:46:23,739 --> 00:46:25,032
Your dream.
812
00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:26,992
Then go for it.
813
00:46:27,493 --> 00:46:29,495
Really go for it.
814
00:46:30,537 --> 00:46:34,792
Third, choose your friends wisely.
815
00:46:35,834 --> 00:46:39,295
Find your people
and allow them to find you,
816
00:46:39,296 --> 00:46:41,632
and then give yourselves to them.
817
00:46:42,883 --> 00:46:45,219
The best of them will give back to you.
818
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:47,220
No judgment.
819
00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:48,971
No conditions.
820
00:46:48,972 --> 00:46:50,974
No questions asked.
821
00:46:51,475 --> 00:46:55,229
I'm so thankful
for my very close family and friends.
822
00:46:55,729 --> 00:46:57,940
Every single one has stepped up.
823
00:46:58,774 --> 00:47:01,860
I can't do
even the little things I used to do.
824
00:47:02,402 --> 00:47:06,990
I can't drive around town,
go to the gym, get coffee, hang out.
825
00:47:07,950 --> 00:47:10,535
I've learned to embrace alternatives.
826
00:47:10,536 --> 00:47:11,994
My friends come to me.
827
00:47:11,995 --> 00:47:16,416
We eat together,
watch a game, listen to music.
828
00:47:17,125 --> 00:47:19,878
They don't do anything special.
They just show up.
829
00:47:20,379 --> 00:47:21,838
That's a big one.
830
00:47:21,839 --> 00:47:23,382
Just show up.
831
00:47:24,967 --> 00:47:28,262
And love your friends
with everything you have.
832
00:47:30,013 --> 00:47:31,431
Hang on to them.
833
00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:34,852
They will entertain you, guide you,
834
00:47:35,352 --> 00:47:39,022
help you, support you,
and some will save you.
835
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:42,609
Finally,
836
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:48,282
fight with every ounce of your being
and with dignity.
837
00:47:49,241 --> 00:47:51,368
When you face challenges,
838
00:47:51,869 --> 00:47:54,663
health or otherwise, fight.
839
00:47:55,956 --> 00:47:57,040
Never give up.
840
00:47:57,541 --> 00:48:00,252
Fight until your last breath.
841
00:48:02,004 --> 00:48:05,131
This disease is slowly taking my body,
842
00:48:05,132 --> 00:48:07,926
but it will never take my spirit.
843
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:13,098
The two of you are different people.
844
00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:17,519
But you're both strong and resilient.
845
00:48:18,103 --> 00:48:20,898
You inherited resiliency from me.
846
00:48:21,398 --> 00:48:23,442
That's my superpower.
847
00:48:23,942 --> 00:48:27,988
You knock me down, I bounce right up,
and I keep coming back.
848
00:48:28,488 --> 00:48:31,700
I get up again and again and again.
849
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,244
Mark says I'm like a cat.
850
00:48:34,745 --> 00:48:40,584
Except a cat has nine lives,
and I'm on number 15 easily.
851
00:48:41,376 --> 00:48:45,964
So when something unexpected hits you,
and it will, because that's life,
852
00:48:46,465 --> 00:48:50,343
fight and face it with honesty,
integrity, and grace,
853
00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:53,972
even if it feels or seems insurmountable.
854
00:48:54,598 --> 00:48:58,017
I hope I've demonstrated
that you can face anything.
855
00:48:58,018 --> 00:49:00,436
You can face the end of your days.
856
00:49:00,437 --> 00:49:03,690
You can face hell with dignity.
857
00:49:04,524 --> 00:49:08,403
Fight, girls, and hold your heads high.
858
00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:11,114
Billie and Georgia,
859
00:49:11,615 --> 00:49:13,116
you are my heart.
860
00:49:13,825 --> 00:49:15,619
You are my everything.
861
00:49:16,119 --> 00:49:17,411
Good night.
862
00:49:17,412 --> 00:49:18,705
I love you.
863
00:49:19,706 --> 00:49:21,917
Those are my last words.
66201