All language subtitles for mnmn1 (4)

- Morning, Jake.
-Hey, John.

What's going on?

All right,
let's cut to the chase.

You want to know
if Chris has been in yet.

I don't care whether
Chris has been in.

You know, I don't
think about her.

In fact, I was saying to myself
on the way over here,

I don't care a thing
about Chris.

But if you've got some
deep need to talk about her,

you know, go ahead.

She hasn't been in yet.

Thank you. Was that so hard?

Don't talk to me. I'm too upset.

Don't even ask, because I'm not
gonna talk about it.

All right, if you must know...

I just saw Chris naked.

Naked? Really?

Well, I could care less,

but I'm sure Jake would
like to hear all about it.

Okay, I went up to her place
to fix her faucet.

That's all--
I swear on my mother's life,

which, as you know, is shaky,
but you get my sincerity.

Well, didn't you knock?

She said she wouldn't be home,
so I didn't knock.

Why would I knock?
Nobody's home.

But she was home.
This wasn't supposed to happen.

What kind of person stands
in their bathroom naked?!

Geez, Bob, you're acting
like you've never seen

a naked woman before.

Of course I have,
but Chris is different.

She's a woman who talks to me.

You've never talked
to a naked woman before?

I've talked to lots of women
on the phone

who told me they were naked.

Don't you knock?!

You weren't supposed
to be there!

But I was there, wasn't I?

Look, Chris, I'm so sorry.

L-I didn't mean to see you.

L-I was there to
see your plumbing.

- Oh.
-And when I say "plumbing,"

I don't mean... Oh, man!

I feel like such an ass...
I mean, a boob.

Oh, God!

Okay, fellas, let's, uh...
let's get this over with.

I'm sure Bob regaled you
with stories about my body

in great graphic detail.

So, what'd he say?

Well, he told us that
it happened, but that was it.

No, no, no, come on, you don't
have to spare my feelings.

We'd never do that.

Honestly, Chris,
Bob didn't say a word.

You expect me to believe
he didn't race down here

and tell you everything?

- It's the truth.

Come on, I know how guys talk.

You and your locker room gossip.

The winks between you,
the elbows in the ribs.

- The snickering.
-Hey, you know what?

I think that's
a little offensive

that you think
we're a bunch of cavemen

who sit around grunting about
what women look like naked.

All right, fine.

If I misjudged you--

and I'm pretty sure I haven't--
I'm sorry.

We do talk about women
that way, don't we?

- Of course we do.
-Mmm.

Good, 'cause I was
picturing her naked

the whole time she was here.

Since when do you
wear glasses?

I don't.

Then what are those?

They just look good;
they don't do anything.

Yeah, well, you'd be
the expert on that.

They just give me
so many different looks.

I can be... smart...

Sporty,"...

thoughtful...

or, if I meet
a really cute guy...

Easy?

Easier.

Just... just tell me
who's up first, please.

Um...

Mr. Hollenbeck.

Oh, good, John, you're back.

I've got a message for you.
It's about Mr. Humphries.

Aw, geez, crusty
pain in the ass.

What-what is it this time?

Does he have an ingrown toenail

and want to be medevac'd
to the Mayo Clinic?

- No. He... -He have a pimple
and think it's a tumor?

- John... -I mean, the guy is
such a hypochondriac, you know?

He's rude and he's demanding.
You know something?

Why don't we just dump him
on some other doctor?

- John!
-I'm telling you,

Margaret, he's driving me crazy.

Calls me, like, three times
a week to tell me he's dying.

Well, this time his cardiologist
agrees with him.

He had emergency bypass surgery.

Oh. Well, wait-wait a minute.

His last EKG was perfect.

Well, you know as well as I do
it happens.

They, um... they don't
expect him to last the night.

He's asked to see you.

All right, yeah,
of course. Uh...

I'll drop by Bronx North
on my way home.

No, actually, he's at Harbor
View on, uh, Staten Island.

- Staten Island?
-Mm-hmm.

This time of day, it's going to
take me hours just to get there.

Well, then you better get going.

I'll-I'll reschedule
the rest of the patients.

Thank you, Margaret.

I told you I was sick.

Well, that's the thing
about being a hypochondriac.

Eventually,
you're going to be right.

Well, how are you feeling?

Well, I must be doing better.
They gave me another machine.

Are you in any pain?

Are you kidding?

They cracked open my chest and
played handball with my heart.

Seemed like a nice thing
to ask, all right?

Well, all right,
all right, I...

I suppose I should thank you
for coming all the way here.

I damn near didn't make it.

I had to take two trains,
a ferry and a bus.

You should've done what I did,

collapse on the sidewalk
and take an ambulance.

I'll remember that
for the ride home.

You know how I used to, uh,
call you with a headache

and you'd say,
"Aw, shut up, it's nothing"?

Then I called you
with heartburn,

and you said,
"Aw, shut up, it's nothing."

I never told you to shut up.

Well, you hung up on me once.

So I wouldn't have to tell you
to shut up.

A-Any chance this is nothing?

I'm sorry.

Well, I'll say this for you.

That's the first straight answer
I got today.

I'll be honest...

I'm a little afraid.

Would it help if I stay here
with you for a while?

Well, do you think
you could be here when I...

well, you know.

I'll try.

I promise.

You know, you got
little girly hands.

- Hey, Jake.
-Hey.

- Chris isn't here, is she?
-Nope.

Oh, thank God.
I don't know what to say to her.

L-I still feel so embarrassed
about the other day.

Hi, Bob.

I thought you said
she wasn't here.

I was wrong. I'm blind.
Give me a break.

Look, Chris,
about the other day...

Doesn't matter.

No, it-it does.

I mean,
seeing you naked was horrible.

I've been having
nightmares about it.

If I could go back in time, I'd
poke my eyes out. No offense.

Horrible? Nightmares?

Poke your eyes out?

Is-is that your idea
of an apology?

I thought it was.

Was my body that hideous?

Hey, I work out six days a week.

Yoga, Tae Bo, Pilates.

I'm on my third
"Buns of Steel" tape.

And I watch what I eat, too.

I was a vegetarian
for six whole months.

Okay, I snuck an occasional
piece of sushi...

and a cupcake...

but if I can't get
one lewd comment

from a horny little super,

my God, what's
the point of it all?!

What the hell was that?

If I do the wrong thing,
it's wrong;

if I do the right thing,
it's wrong.

You're so lucky, Jake.

Safe in your dark, lonely world,
free from the burden of sight.

Well, you know, Bob,

things weren't always
this rosy.

Once, when I was 15,
before I went blind,

I accidentally walked in
on my Aunt Leona

while she was
putting on her bra.

Or maybe it was a hammock.

Well, all I know is that she was
strapping on something huge.

Now, my first instinct
was to run,

but, well, my-my feet,
they were just frozen. I...

I just stood in that doorway
staring at my fat, naked aunt.

Then later, during
Thanksgiving dinner,

I asked her to
pass me some turkey, and...

she gave me a breast...

and she winked at me.

I don't get how this relates
to my problem with Chris.

Let me ask you something:

ls Chris 300 pounds
with a size 56 triple-D bra?

No.

Trust me, you got off easy.

Hi, John.

Horrible, just horrible.

It took me three hours
to get there,

three hours talking
to Humphries,

who's just as charming as ever,

and then three hours
to get home.

Do I have girly hands?

- Actually, you kind of do.
-Oh...

I haven't slept all night.

I guess I shouldn't complain.

I'm lucky to be alive,

which is probably more than
I can say for Mr. Humphries.

No, no, not really.
The hospital called.

He made it through
the night just fine.

Really?

Well, they say
the human spirit is...

something or other.

He'd like to see you again,
tonight.

Tonight? Oh...

That's a hell of a long trip
out there.

Did they happen to say exactly
how alive he still is?

John!

All right, all right,
all right, I'll go.

Actually, you know what?

Margaret, we were talking
last night.

He said how fond he was of you.

- May-Maybe you should go...
-He asked for you.

Now, you only have
a few patients waiting.

I'll just reschedule the rest.

All I want to know is,
when I'm dying,

who's going to come see me?

Trust me, there'll be a crowd.

Took you long enough.

Nice to see you, too,
Mr. Humphries.

Glad you're still with us.

You look like hell.

Yeah, well...

I had a pretty rough trip.

My subway got stuck
in the tunnel,

and all the lights went out.

Ooh, that must have been scary.

I flatlined, and they had
to bring in the crash cart.

All right, all right, all right,
you win, you win.

So, how you feeling?

Well, a little better.

Believe it or not, I-l think
seeing you last night helped.

Good, good. I'm glad.

Would you mind just
reading something to me?

Sure, I guess.
What do you got?

A favorite book
or a magazine or something?

Uh... how about the Bible?

Oh, no, Bible. No, no, it's...

I'm not really
a Bible kind of guy.

Come to think of it,
neither are you.

Well, I hear
it can be very comforting.

You going to help me out or not?

Ah...

Which part you want me to read?

Just start at the beginning.

"In the beginning..." Oh, yeah.

"God created the heavens
and the earth.

"And the earth
was without form and void,

"and the darkness was upon
the face of the deep.

And the spirit of God..."

Adam and Eve...

Cain and Abel...

Sonny and Cher...

Yeah, and the Hebrews escaped
from Egypt on the 10:00 ferry.

Hello, Mr. Humphries.

Just need to take
a little blood.

Hey, have a little
consideration.

The man's finally
getting some rest.

0h. no, no, no.

I'm actually glad to be awake.

I don't want to miss one word
of the Bible.

Oh, you're reading the Bible?

You know, I'm sure
some of our other patients

would take comfort in that.

Would you mind
if I brought them in?

No, no, look-look,
this is a private moment

between my-my patient
and myself.

Absolutely not.

"And behold, I, even I,
do bring a flood of waters

"to destroy all flesh,

and everything that is the earth
shall die."

Bring it on, Lord.

What's going on?

Now, let me ask you something:

ls Chris sitting there
with anybody?

No. She's alone.

Oh, my God.

She's doing all that eating
by herself?

All I've heard for the last hour
is chewing and burping.

All right, look, I'm going in.

Chris, uh, are you okay?

Mm, never better.

Since no one seems to notice
when I do everything right,

why bother?

Are you doing all this
because of me?

Let's face it, Bob,

if you didn't even notice
how good I look,

what chance do I have
with anyone else?

Look, Chris, you can't do this.
I-l mean...

I might see you naked again,
you know,

and-and if I want to see fat,

I'll go upstairs
to Mrs. Goldman.

Trust me,
I have an open invitation.

Chris, you-you have to stay
the way you are.

Look...

I was just trying
to show you some respect.

Yeah, well, good for you.

Honestly... you got
the calves of a stripper,

the thighs of a mud wrestler,

and the abs of
a semi-legitimate masseuse.

You're just saying that.

Oh, yeah? How about this:

You've got one of
the all-time great asses.

What was that?

You got a great ass.

Bob, you have no idea
how that makes me feel.

- Thank you!
-You're welcome.

You hear that, Jake?

Got it. Great ass.

Hey, if anybody needs me,
I'll be at the gym.

What about her boobs, Bob?

Oh, right. Chris, wait up!

Oh, no glasses today?

Turns out glasses are over.

Everybody's getting
that new laser surgery

to have their vision
corrected permanently,

so that's what I did.

Oh, please don't tell me
that you...

Of course I didn't.
I just pretended.

So, you got rid of fake glasses
and got fake surgery

all to get back
to the perfect vision

you had in the first place.

Well, it doesn't happen
right away.

It takes a couple of days
for your eyes to adjust.

Oh, come on, Mr. Jackson,

you can't be surprised
that old lady hit you.

Any moron knows
you take Viagra at home,

not right before
you get on a crowded bus.

Moron.

John...

you have been beating up
on patients all morning.

You'd think after reading
the Bible

you might have
learned something.

Oh, yeah, I learned
that old people fart

and they don't even know it.

That Good Book
of yours, Margaret,

just goes on and on.

Plagues and floods and frogs
and vermin and locusts...

Yeah, it's the Bible
that goes on and on.

And all I know is, you know,

I missed the last ferry
last night,

and I had to take a cab ride
home that cost me 50 bucks.

Before, you said 49.

I was including tip.

Doctor's office.

Oh, it's Mr. Humphries'
cardiologist.

Yes?

Yes, I'll tell him.

Dead or alive?

It's a miracle.

You didn't answer my question.

Alive.

Oh, don't tell me.

He wants to see me
again tonight.

John, we are talking about
a man who's dying.

No, we're talking
about a man who,

if he has to go to
Staten Island one more time,

may kill himself.

John, you promised
that you would be with him.

Yeah, and I meant it, too,
when I thought

that he was going to check out
the first night.

- John, you are terrible.
-Come on.

You know,
there's a limit to compassion,

and I passed it, like,
three days ago.

Well, I suppose you're right.

It is a lot to ask you to go
out there every single night.

Yeah, yeah, it is.

I mean, you can't keep
doing this forever.

No, I can't. You know?
I got my own life, you know.

Well, I do.

Oh, you know what? I'll...
Fine, I'll go.

Tell Mr. Humphries
I've been praying for him.

Yeah, well, stop it.

I'll tell you something else,
I don't care what happens,

this is the last time
I'm going out there. I mean it.

Maureen, hi.

Lee, how are the girls?

Hey, Dr. Becker. You know,

coming here every night
the way you do is just so nice.

Yeah, yeah, I'm a real saint.

How's he doing?

He's hanging in there.

Oh, of course he is.

Did you bring the root beer?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I brought your root beer.

Oh, great.

The last root beer I'll ever
have, and he brings me generic.

It's all...
it's all the same stuff.

Plus, it's cheaper.

All right, so what
are we going to do tonight?

Well, actually, I'd-I'd
like you to read me this.

10,000 Reasons to Smile.

Oh, God.

"Puppy kisses...
rainbows... snowmen."

This is like 10,000 reasons
to step in front of a bus.

Well, my grandson
gave me that book,

but if it's not good enough
for you, fine.

How about this?

Tuesdays with Morrie.

Yeah, it's good.

It's about a young man visiting
an old guy on his death bed.

Wh-Why do we have to read
about it? We're living it.

That book is about
a thoughtful young man.

Yes, I noticed.

Who doesn't like
Tuesdays with Morrie?

I got no problem with Tuesday.

It's all the rest
of the days of the week

I'm having trouble with.

Do you have any idea
what it's taken for me

to get out here every night
for two weeks?

You know,
I've had to cancel patients.

You know, I... I've spent
a fortune on transportation,

and tonight on the ferry, some
drunk puked all over my shoes.

Well, maybe you'll have
an easier trip tomorrow.

Tomorrow--
no, damn it, listen...

I can't come tomorrow.

You have to.

Why? It's not going to make
any difference.

- No...
-Look at your chart.

All I know is,

they keep telling me
I'm gonna die.

Then you visit me,
and I wake up the next morning.

It's like you're
my good-luck charm.

Trust me,
you're not a lucky man.

Look at your chart.

Look, I'm sorry.

L-I just can't keep
coming back here.

I don't have the time.

You don't have the time?

So, this is difficult for you?

Yes, yes, it is.

Yeah, so...

what you're saying is,
it's inconvenient.

Yes, yes, it is.

Do you have any idea how many
hours I wasted in your office?

What?

I sat so long in your office

waiting for you
to check my prostate,

I got hemorrhoids.

And another time,
I spent the whole afternoon

just waiting
for a lousy physical

while you were screaming on
the phone to the cable company.

And how many hours
have I listened to you

rant on and on about
George Bush, Bill Clinton

and George Bush again?

So, please, don't... don't talk
to me about inconvenience.

The cable guy said
he was going to be there

between 10:00 and 12:00.

The way I figure it,
you owe me.

Look, Mr. Humphries...

Besides...

...you promised.

Yeah, but that's when I thought
that you...

"Summer rain.

"Flying kites.

A day at the zoo."

It's too bright in here.

Turn off that light.

No, no, the-the switch
is broken.

You have to unplug it.

It's the plug on the right!

I know, I know.