All language subtitles for Sheepd5_[eng]

[♪]

[indistinct announcement
over PA]

[door rattling]

[door shuts closed]

[chain jangling]

[board member] Mr. St. Germain,

you've served 30 years of
a life sentence.

Do you think
you've been rehabilitated?

And are you ready to be
a productive member of society?

[door buzzing, rattling]

This too.

[paper rustling]

[somber music playing]

[door clicks open]

[♪]

[Whitney scoffs]

[engine rumbling]

[machines rumbling loudly]

[horn blaring]

[engine stops]

[siren wailing]

["Wings" playing]

♪ I wish I had wings ♪

♪ Take me away ♪

♪ From all that I see ♪

♪ And all the trouble
I've made ♪

♪ I wish I could fly ♪

♪ High above everything ♪

[can hisses]

♪ Oh, I ♪

♪ I wish I had wings ♪

[engine rumbling]

♪ I'd dance with the angels ♪

♪ Cut through the clouds ♪

♪ Never look back ♪

♪ Never come back down ♪

♪ Drunk on the wind ♪

♪ And the high it brings ♪

♪ Free once again,
It never ends ♪

♪ Oh, I wish I had wings ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I wish I had wings ♪

♪ Instead of
All these memories ♪

♪ Oh, I ♪

[reporter] Retired US Marine
veteran Brian Patton,

who spent 19 years
at the factory.

Well, now,
reality is kicking in

in the factory's final days.

Brian, bring us back
to when you first heard
about the closure.

From you guys,
that's how we found out.

Now you're painting a picture

of what the future
is like without us?

We've been loyal to America,

and we want
that loyalty reciprocated.

The man took away the factory,

but he didn't take
the people with...

[water running]

-[water splashing]
-[Calvin sighs]

-[engine rumbling]
-[baby crying]

[paper rustling]

[Calvin] Frightened?

What are you-- what are you
talking about, frightened?

[woman] [indistinct].

-He actually said that?
-[woman] How do you expect
to get hired?

I don't know,
you're the headhunter,
you tell me, I'm just...

[phone clicks]

-[phone ringing]
-[can hisses]

-Hey, Tommy. Tommy.
-[Tommy] I'm back.

-What's going on, brother?
-Yeah, what's good, brother?

[Tommy] [indistinct].
I haven't heard from you
in years.

[sighs] You know, just, uh...

just-- just
in between gigs, yeah.

[Tommy] Cool, [indistinct].

Demo, sure.

Just-- let's go--
let's go fuck up some shit

like the old days, man.

-[Tommy] Cool. [indistinct].
-Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah,
just-- just text me the info.

Yeah, I'll-- I'll grab
some thermals on the way.

[Tommy] Okay, yeah,
I'll talk to you later.

Bye, man.

[pills clattering]

[somber music playing]

[groans in pain]

[gentle music playing]

[Troy's wife]
Oh, my God, Mom. Look.

It's Alice's ex.

Troy used
to play hockey with him.

Must be a real [indistinct].

He's homeless now.

Troy always said
he was a nice kid.

But the war
fucked him up wicked bad.

Can't imagine
living with all that guilt.

[♪]

[somber music playing]

[sighs]

[bag rustling]

[hangers clattering]

[till beeping]

[whistle blowing]

[gentle music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[whistle blowing]

[dramatic music playing]

[whistle blowing]

-[Calvin] Hey, man.
-Hmm?

Do I know you?

No, I don't think so.

-Yeah, you don't know me?
-No.

You just fucking smiling
at me like that?

-[sighs] No, man, I, uh--
-You fucking know me.

-You know me, look at you,
your fucking smile on your face.
-Troy.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, Troy here's just playing
fucking peek-a-boo

-from the fucking panty aisle.
-[Troy's wife] What?

I think there's been
a misunderstanding.

No, there's no misunderstanding.

Hey, Mom, Mom, you don't
have to be afraid here.

-Hey, Dude--
-Don't put
your fucking hands on me.

-Take it easy.
-Don't put
your fucking hands on me.

-Take it easy.
-Why don't you go ahead
and blow your whistle?

Come on, Troy, blow your fucking
whistle for your wife, Troy.

-What's your fucking--
-[groans in pain]

-Troy, knock it off!
-[both grunting]

Hey, get off him!

-[indistinct shouting]
-[whistle blowing]

-[taser crackling]
-[Calvin exclaims]

[indistinct announcement
over PA]

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

Wakey, wakey,

eggs and bakey.

Coach O?

Once a Shamrock,
always a winner.

[Calvin chuckles]

Why are you dressed
like a fucking cop?

Sergeant O'Riordan.

Montague PD.

Jesus Christ,
you look like a beast, man.

Wait, are you still competing?

Only if it's
a pie-eating contest.

[Calvin laughs]

[door clicks closed]

Do you even know
where the fuck you are?

The VA Medical Center.

Oh, shit.

It's the only way that they
could get me back in this place.

-[handcuffs jangling]
-Am I under arrest?

This seems
a bit fucking dramatic.

[Coach O sighs]

What, were you afraid
I was gonna run away?

We can start with the fact
that you're lucky to be alive.

There was a lot of shit
in your system this morning

when I collared you
for assaulting an innocent man

in front of his wife
and baby girl.

Do you remember any of that?

There was this guy.
He looked familiar.

He was following me
around the store.

He was, uh...

He was blowing this--
he was blowing a whistle.

He looked familiar
because his name is Troy Baker.

He played defense with you
on our hockey team.

And that wasn't a whistle.

It was a vape pen.

I think
you got your wires crossed.

[door clicks open]

I'll be outside
when you're done.

It's too early to know
if the multiple

traumatic brain injuries
you sustained during deployment

exacerbated the incident.

And your epilepsy test
came back negative.

Epilepsy?

I had a seizure?

Environmental factors
can induce seizures

in patients
with similar brain injuries.

Stress, lack of sleep,
drug and alcohol abuse.

Well, how about
getting fucking tased?

Can you recall
any prior episodes?

[dramatic music playing]

[engine rumbling]

[indistinct
police radio chatter]

[paper rustling]

-What's this?
-Get yourself into
a program, okay?

Pre-trial.
Help reduce the sentence.

I'm having fucking seizures,
and you're giving me a pamphlet?

That's not how the judge
is gonna see this.

Not with your priors.

-Not with all the drugs and
booze that was in your system.
-Okay, so what?

I gotta-- I gotta join
a circle jerk of whining fobbits

who've duped their doctors
into thinking
that they're basket cases

just so they could get
100% benefits?

Do you know what
the fucking VAs put me through?

-It's gonna be a one-on-one.
-No, no, no.

-I'm not doing that.
-Well, you're gonna do it.

No, I'll do the fucking time
before I do that.

Okay, tough guy.
You're gonna do this, all right?

If you have a brain
in your fucking head,

you're gonna
listen to me right now.

-I'll think about it.
-Yeah, you better think hard.

Because the next time you try
to provoke a lethal response
from law enforcement,

you might not have an angel
sitting on your shoulder.

Well, lucky for me
I got a fucking angel then.

What are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing?

Did you ever know me

to treat one of your classmates
different than the next?

No, sir.

This isn't my some of the time.

This is my all of the time.

And this?

This is on my time.

If you're struggling,

and I can help,
I'm there, no question.

That's real fucking tender.

That's nice. That was good.
I felt it right here.

-[Coach O laughs]
-I felt it right in my heart.

-Right-- Hmm.
-Get the fuck out of my car.

-Are you serious?
-Go, now.

-No.
-Get the fuck out!

-Are you fucking serious?
-Out!

Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm just-- I'm joking.

The arraignment's
tomorrow, asshole.

-Thanks for the flyer.
-Grow the fuck up!

[car door shuts closed]

[engine revving]

Shit.

[somber music playing]

Hey!

Buddy, let's go.

Off my property.

I'm sorry.

My-- my apologies.

Um-- [sniffles]

I'm looking
for Alice St. Germain.

-This is her...
-[paper rustling]

It's her last listed address.

She doesn't live here anymore.

Well, you know
where she might have moved to

or how I might find her?

Your guess is as good as mine.

She's my daughter.

Are you Calvin?

Is that you?

Gunnery Sergeant
Whitney St. Germain.

Alice and Brandon's dad.

"PS, you never did tell
Alice and I what you...

"did to leave us
so many years ago.

"But I will forgive you.

"And I hope you can forgive me.

"Maybe that's a story
you can share with Calvin.

"First drink's on me.

"Your son, SPC

"Brandon St. Germain."

That's a--

That's a really nice letter
your son wrote.

I've been meaning
to visit him at the cemetery.

You know, it's--
it's not too far from here.

Look, man,
I just got out of the hospital.

You know, I got
this wicked bad headache.

My head is throbbing
and I haven't showered
in a couple days.

You know,
my arm's busted. I just...

Can I-- can I call you? Um...

maybe we can go for a drink.

I understand. [clears throat]

[Whitney sniffles]

You have children?

You should know that...

your daughter, Alice and I,
we-- we don't speak anymore.

You know, we've been
separated for years.

Look, I really don't have
much more for you

than that right now, you know?

Okay.

[Whitney clears throat]

Sure, I'm gonna have that drink?

Yeah.

[heartfelt music playing]

["Say No More" playing]

♪ We always had
A real attraction ♪

♪ But we ain't never
Crossed the line to explore ♪

♪ 'Cause we both had
Our situations ♪

[Alice] I can't believe
I slept through my alarm.
I'm gonna be wicked late.

If I'd have known,
I would have woke you up.

[Alice] You already did that
when you came home last night.

-Twice.
-Whoops.

Look, just-- just take my truck

and-- and I'll walk
the girls to school.

It's fine.

Why does mommy
sleep on the couch?

Because she was up late
studying, honey.

She was sleeping on
the couch even before
your last deployment.

Wow.
Thanks for the reminder, Squid.

Girls, after today

we're gonna be calling mommy
Nurse Alice.

-Honey, where's your other sock?
-[Izzy laughs]

[Alice]
You lost another one, sweetie?

He's a snuff

and he moves slow...

Hey, boo.

Where's my sugar?

-Are you fucking kidding me?
-What?

So we're back
to morning drinking now?

You've got Sidney's PTA
for fuck's sake.

I just had a nip
to get the motor clean.

Okay, we're starting
in front of the children now.

-I'm sick and tired
of this shit.
-Oh, my God.

It's your big day.
I thought we were celebrating.

-You've done enough celebrating
for this whole family.
-Okay. All right.

-Okay, Mom.
-[Darryl] Good morning.

Oh.

Look at this sight
for sore eyes.

What the hell happened
to bowling

and just a pitcher of beer?

[Darryl] I mean,
it's not for lack of trying.

Hey, thanks
to whoever's toothbrush this is.

Real classy, Darryl.

So does your wife know
her man-baby of a husband

moved his entire family
across the country

just so he can get
into bar fights

and have slumber parties
with his drinking buddy
on school nights?

You know,
I think she's just happy
to have me out of the house.

-Do you want to hear me
blow my whistle, Uncle Darryl?
-[Darryl] Yes, sure, I do.

-[whistle blowing]
-Just shave
and put on a collared shirt.

Okay, I got it.

[Sydney] Why do we even have
to go to Catholic school?

-We don't even go to church.
-[Alice] Well,
whose fault is that?

We used to-- [grunts]
I am not doing this right now.

Can you be any more annoying?

-God, I hate this stupid family.
-Hey!

Do you want to end up like
these two knucklehead grunts
on a permanent ripper?

Find yourself another family.
The door's right there.

[door shuts closed]

Hey.

You know your mother loves you.

We're the knucklehead
grunts here.

[Darryl farts]

[both laughing]

[Darryl laughs]

Was that you?
Was that you? Who was that?

[Darryl] That was you.

That was Uncle Darryl.

[Darryl] No, I would never.

[somber music playing]

[engines rumbling]

[siren wailing in distance]

-[beer bottle hisses]
-[pills clattering]

[sighs]

[sniffles]

[heartfelt music playing]

[Sydney] We're going to be
late to school.

-Again.
-[Calvin] Okay.

I'm just gonna make
one pit stop.

Like I said, I'm always quick.
You know I'm always quick.

Are you at least gonna shave?

-Wow.
-Don't shave.

I like your beard.

-It's the best part of you, Dad.
-Oh, thank you, Izzy.

What if I keep it just for you?
Yeah?

You want me
to keep it just for you?

All right,
let's get you ready, girls.

Come on.

[♪]

[tapping on table]

Should we reschedule this?

[door clicks open]

Sorry, long line to take a leak.

[door clicks closed]

Nice shirt, Cal.

There it is.

Your Honor,
at the time of the altercation

-and subsequent assault
on the victim--
-[knocking on door]

Excuse me, Your Honor.

Sergeant Clarence O'Riordan,
badge number 1922.

I'm the arresting officer.

[Judge Chatman] Have a seat.

And lock the door.

[door clicks closed]

Your Honor,
at the time of the altercation

and subsequent assault
on the victim,

the defendant had antipsychotic
drugs in his system,

Seroquel and Risperdal,

antidepressants
Zoloft and Paxil,

in addition to Oxycodone
and Valium.

Does the defendant
have any priors?

He certainly does.

May 2014,
public intoxication, DUI.

June 2015,
resisting arrest, assault.

September 2017, pink-papered,

put on suicide watch
after a neighbor found him
in the garage,

passed out,
with the vehicle running.

Your Honor, my client has served
this country honorably.

He has been awarded
a Purple Heart

and a Bronze Star Medal
for his combat service.

May I remind counsel that this
is not a Miss Universe pageant?

[Coach O] Your Honor, if I may.

I have
Mr. Cole's medical records

dating from his first
traumatic brain injury

to his fifth in 2013.

[public defender] Your Honor,
Mr. Cole's records show

that he suffers
from memory loss,

persistent migraines
and seizures,

all of which
he is prescribed medication for

by the state of Massachusetts.

We would request
a deferred adjudication

based on his medical history,

with post-traumatic stress
from military service

as a mitigating factor.

[indistinct chatter]

Your Honor, my client
is willing to drop the charges

contingent upon
the defendant agreeing
to attend rehabilitation.

[Judge Chatman]
Is the defendant agreeable?

Yes, Your Honor, he is.

[uplifting music playing]

I'm ordering you to undergo

a 60-day outpatient
rehabilitation program.

You will report back
to the court each week.

If you fail
to abide by these terms,

the court
will hold you in contempt
and you will be prosecuted.

Thank you for your service
and good luck.

[gavel thuds]

[♪]

[Miss Consolino]
Can I have your VA card, sir?

Wow, I'm going to have to
put this on the wall of fame.

Welcome back, Gunny.

-[Whitney chuckles]
-Card's expired.

You'll have to come back
in the morning
when the registrar's open.

Get it renewed.

Actually, I'm just here
to see my daughter,

Alice St. Germain.

-Is she a patient?
-No, she works here.

She could also be
under the name of Alice Cole.

St. Germain...

Is she expecting you?

She's on nights this week.

If you want to come back
after 10:00 p.m.

Or I could take a message.

No, I'm just saying hello.

It's been a number of years.
Uh...

I'll wait for her.

[heartfelt music playing]

[keyboard clacking]

[road din]

Mr. St. Germain?

Gunny? Sir?

[Whitney clears throat]

I'm sorry,
but your daughter is unable
to see you this evening.

Oh, okay.

I-- I can wait
or come back any time.

Alice says that this is not
the proper place for a reunion.

She said that?

Well, if I could just
talk to her, maybe--

I checked our system
and based on the condition
of discharge on your DD-214,

you are not considered
a veteran.

-What? Who says?
-I am so sorry, sir.

But I'm going to have
to ask you to leave.

[somber music playing]

[car horn honking]

[Calvin grunts]

[TV show playing in background]

[sighs]

[door clicks open]

It's about fucking time.

Let's go.

Jesus Christ.

You're not one of them, uh...

pervy coaches

who's, like, secretly in love
with one of his players,
are you?

I hate to disappoint,
but I'm not into dudes

who get their beards
out of a trash can
at a Brazilian wax shop.

We're gonna be late.

And you reek like
a fucking gin mill.

[Calvin exhales]

You ready?

Yeah.

Once a Shamrock,
always a winner.

[indistinct chatter]

[Miss Hazel] Miss Knox?

You're late.

Sorry.

What's this?

I baked a little something
for the class.

Anyone ever tell you you never
feed the animals at the zoo?

Good luck.

Thanks.

[Coach O sighs]

[Coach O slurping]

Are you kidding?

I just got my teeth whitened.

Mr. Cole, we're ready for you.

"John works the night shift
at a factory,

making $10 an hour.

As he heads out the door,

he notices
that his car has a flat.

-He goes back inside--"
-No, no, no.

Are you kidding me?

Ten bucks an hour?

It just sounds like
John's being exploited.

Calvin.

You just have
to repeat the story to
the best of your ability.

Good morning.

Welcome.

Uh, my name is...

Dr. Elecia Knox.

I am a combat trauma specialist
in training,

and I also volunteer at
the Veterans Crisis Hotline.

Um...

truth be told,
this is my first day, too,

so it kind of gives us all
something in common.

And I brought
some freshly baked muffins,

my mother's recipe.

You're welcome to--

Good, good. Thanks.

Um...

Okay. [chuckles nervously]

All right.

Wow.

I never thought
I'd see you here.

Never thought
I'd see you anywhere. [chuckles]

I'm really glad
you had a change of heart.

You know, just walking
through that door

can be the longest
road travelled.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Hey, did you know
that your father got out?

Because he stopped by the house.

He's making his rounds.

[Alice scoffs]

I always knew when he got out,

he'd come
for Brandon's death benefit.

If you see him,
just tell him not to ask for me.

And if he comes back here,
he will be arrested.

He's a dangerous man, Calvin.

Be careful.

He didn't know we had kids.

I gotta get back to work.

Take care of yourself, Cal.

[Sydney] Miss Diaz's head
is going to explode.

That woman grows horns
when she gets mad.

-Daddy?
-Yes, honey?

When can I blow my whistle?

Well, how about
you blow it right now?

-[whistle blowing]
-There we go.

I'll write you a note.
They always work.

-Are they good at detention?
-Really?

-My notes always work.
-"Oh, please excuse Sydney.

"She had diarrhea
and her boots leaked."

Okay, that was not my best,
but did it work?

"Oh, no, Sydney had
her first menstrual cycle.

"And due to
her emotional distress,
she couldn't come to class."

Okay, that was a little edgy,
but were you complaining

when you were at the prize
counter for Dave and Buster's?

I haven't even had it yet, Dad.

-Had what?
-Nothing.

[intense music playing]

Hey, Patty,
give me forty on Keno,

a roll of quarters
for the girls,

and I'll take a pint of lager.

-[Patty] Sounds good.
-You girls give me your bags?

Thanks.

[Dr. Knox] Oh, no, Mom.
Please tell me you didn't.

No, I'm-- yes,
I'm sure her son is consistent,

but I told you
that I'm not ready to date yet.

I need to focus on my work
and on Cody, and I--

Oh, I gotta go, okay?
I love you, Mom. Bye.

-Good morning.
-Hi. Um...

I'm here to see Dr. Elecia Knox.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Hi.

Um, I guess
I'm supposed to give you that.

Oh, yeah.

Please,
make yourself comfortable.

[Dr. Knox sighs]

Okay.

Oh.

Oh, actually,
those are temporary.

My grandson and I have...

craft nights on Mondays.

That's reassuring.

You even certified?

Well, I have
a work-study program,

until they find
a placement for me.

Why don't you sit down?

Oh, that's what
my mom would call

my wall of very expensive
art on layaway.

A little late in the game
to be taking a whack at it,
don't you think?

Well, why don't we get started?

Now, I love this stuff.

Sort of takes away the tension.

-Why don't you try it?
-[Calvin scoffs]

Something funny?

I just...

I just let the courts think
that you're gonna fix me.

Well...

I hate to disappoint you,
but I can't fix you.

You probably wanna change
your sales pitch there.

Even if I could fix you,

it would take away
your ownership

of the problem, the solution,
and the moving on.

That's your job, not mine.

Who said I had a problem?

Maybe you don't.

But you're the only one here
under a court order.

Now, I've scheduled you

for an EMDR session today.

But what I'd like you to do
is spend an hour

writing out a timeline of...

difficult memories in your life.

Memories that caused you pain,

fear, discomfort.

You can start at childhood.

Yeah, that, uh--
that sounds like a real hoot.

Um, listen, I'm happy
to shoot the shit with you here.

We can talk about
the Sox blowing it this year

or whatever teen novel's
getting you hot,

but you can't sit there
and pretend like
you have any fucking clue

what it's like to be in combat.

No. I can't.

But what I do know

is this field of work
that I've dedicated my life to
has helped a lot of people.

You're not alone, Calvin.

So take your time.

All right?

And bring this back to me
in about an hour.

[heartfelt music playing]

Yo, Darryl.

Oh, were you waiting outside
with binoculars?

Well, it's a little warped,
but I think it adds character.

All right.

-Honey.
-Hey.

-[Darryl] It's your grumpy
Uncle Tiger.
-Hi, Uncle Tiger.

Hey. Wow.

She really did take
everything in that divorce.

[Darryl] Yeah, no shit.
She even took the curtains.

At least she let you
keep the bird.

Mm.

Hey, you want a beer?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, what's his name?

Bill.

Bill the bird.

Hi, Bill.

[Calvin grunts]

-So how'd the interview go?
-Ugh, I'm 0 for seven.

Here you go.

Oh-ho, so you finally
met your match.

-Yeah.
-Cheers, brother.

Cheers.

What are you feeding this guy?
Look at this.

[Darryl grunts]
What do you want?
I did four tours.

Of the Cheesecake Factory.

Oh! [Calvin laughing]

[Darryl] You're gonna
do me like that?

-Okay.
-Little spicy. Little spicy.

[Darryl] That's a nice one, Tay.

Why are you so grumpy,
Uncle Tiger?

Is it 'cause you broke your arm?

Um... no.

No, I'm not grumpy.

I kind of should
be grumpy, though.

Having just lost
the National Arm Wrestling title

to Nikolai Volkov.

No way. What happened?

The wrestler from the '80s?

I was competing
in the Sam Adams Stroganoff

National Arm Wrestling
Championship.

It comes down to me
and the filthy Ruski.

All right?

And I'm right-handed,
so that's my go-to.

And I'm thinking, all right,
but he was five steps
ahead of me, this guy.

So I switch it up last minute.

I go to the left.

You see here, see how my
thumb's bigger right there?

So I'm thinking
I'm going to go over the top,

you know, and just...
[growls] ...like that.

But he already
had his own bag of tricks.

So what'd you do?

I ate his guts.

Just like this. [growling]

[Darryl]] All right,
all right, all right.
That ain't it, bro.

-Come on, you're making a mess.
-[Calvin] All right,
I got to hit the latrine.

I'm gonna grab another beer.

[Taylor] Daddy?

Do you think you and Uncle Tiger
are going to hell?

Why would you ask that?
Did someone say that to you?

Mommy said
you both killed people.

She said that?

Jesus fucking Christ.

What your mom seems to forget
is they were really bad guys.

And Daddy and Uncle Tiger,
we didn't have a choice.

They were gonna kill us.

You won't go to hell for it?

No, I don't think so.

I mean, I hope not.

I hope not either.

Mommy said that
you can't be saved.

[somber music building]

[Calvin] Hey, brother,
I gotta bounce.

[indistinct]

-Already?
-Yeah, I got a few things
I got to do.

It was good to see you, Tay.

Good to see you too,
Uncle Tiger.

I guess I'll walk you out.

-Hey, thanks for coming by.
-Yeah.

-[indistinct]
-Of course.

Yeah.

Uh, hey.

Okay.

All right.

Getting little jolly
[indistinct] Santa Claus.

[Darryl chuckling] [indistinct]

[♪]

Hey.

Hey.

Uh...

Sorry I'm late.

This was a lot harder
than I thought.

That's okay.

Why don't you come in
and sit down?

[faint office din]

Let's get to it, shall we?

Okay. Are you ready?

[Calvin] Yeah.

Okay.

[low droning sound]

Now can you tell me
what you're hearing?

It's like, uh...

a beeping going
back and forth into my ears.

[Dr. Knox]
And what are you feeling?

Mmm.

It's a, like,
a buzzing in my hands.

Okay.

Now, if it's all right with you,

can we begin this one
that says rotten apple?

Yeah. Uh...

So that was around
the time that my mom

first got sick
with cancer and...

and my parents were going
through a pretty bad divorce.

And I was just trying to do
something nice, you know, so...

on my way home
from school one day,

I picked this apple
off a tree, and I polished it
all nice, and...

When I got home,
I gave it to my dad, and...

He took a bite out of it...

And he said, "Huh.

"It's rotten.

"Just like you."

All right, now I'm going
to turn on the light. Okay?

-Okay.
-All right?

[faint, rhythmic thudding]

All right.

That will help balance
both sides of your brain.

Now just slow your breathing.

I'm right here.

[faint thudding accelerates]

[Calvin breathing slowly]

All right, now I'm going to
turn it up higher.

[faint, rapid thudding]

It's all right.

Keep watching.

Now, can you see
that little boy?

Yeah.

And how does he feel?

[faint, rapid thudding
continues]

Worthless.

Like it's...

It's all my fault that
they're getting divorced.

-[Calvin exhales sharply]
-It's all right.

[faint, rapid thudding
continues]

I'm right here, Calvin.

Fucking tripping [indistinct]
fucking bullshit on me.

-Calvin, no, listen now.
-This is a fucking amateur hour.

-[indistinct]
-I ain't your fucking
science experiment, bitch.

Oh, you disrespect me
like that one more time,

and I will bounce your ass back
in front of a judge so fast,

you'll spend your life looking
for a box full of fucks
that I don't give.

[office din]

[bell tolling]

If I wanted a friend,
I would've bought a goldfish.

I went to see my daughter.

Yeah, I know.

Not a good move.

You talk to her?

You tell her about
her brother's letter?

Yeah, she already
spoke to him before he passed.

Look, she doesn't want
to see me,

and she definitely
doesn't want to see you.

So don't go into her work again

unless you want to go
back to prison.

Look, I think if
we just talk to her.

No, no, no, not we.
You understand? Not we.

I'm not going to help you
con your daughter

out of your son's death money.

Is that what you think this is?

I don't want no damn money.

I just want my family back.

-I think you'd best
be on your way.
-Be on my way?

I am on my way.

To get my family back.

You know what,
I think maybe it's time we took

a little walk
into the lake of you.

Might be surprised what
we find lying in the bottom.

Good luck with that.

You don't know what it's like...

to lose everything you ever had,
everything you ever wanted,

everything you ever loved.

Your family,
your job, your home.

Your dignity.

To see your best friend
evaporate into pink mist.

Women, children, burned alive.

We came back, and they
spat on us at the airport.

Threw rocks at us.

"Exit out the back, Jack.

"Your medals are in the mail."

No homecoming parade,
no celebrations,

no fancy names for shit.

No fancy programs.

You know what they called it?

Shell shock.

As in man the fuck up, nigga.

You got no wound? Huh?

Well, suck it up, buttercup.

And they tell me
I'm not a veteran.

I, me, I'm not a veteran!

I did the job
they asked me to do.

All we wanted
was a welcome home.

That's it.

Shame.

The shame.

Hey, don't you turn
your back on me.

Turn around
and face me like a man.

You knocked up my daughter...

and leave.

Where were you when my son
fighting for his last breath?

-Huh?
-[Calvin gasping for air]
I was--

I was right there with him.

You ain't no killer.

You're a tourist.

[both groaning and grunting]

Just do it. Do it.

[Calvin gasping and groaning]

[both panting]

Hey, [indistinct]
you don't knock it off,
I'm gonna call the fucking cops.

Get back in your
fucking house right now.

Bunch of assholes.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's so cold.

It's so cold.

-Hey.
-Oh, God.

[both panting]

Hey, Gunny.

Where you been staying?

Bus shelter.

Park bench.

Blew through
all the money that...

Brandon left me,
that's all I had.

You're welcome
to stay here, okay?

But, uh...

There's gotta be
some house rules.

You understand?

I don't know
how it was in the bucket,

but you try any weird fucking
prison shit with me, you're out.

[emotional music playing]

Bathroom's first door
on the left.

Help yourself to the fridge.

[♪]

[music fades]

How'd it go with Mr. Cole today?

I'm... encouraged.

If you can reach the boy,
you can heal the man.

Night, Ms. Knox.

[sighs]

[tentative music playing]

[Troy] Come on, that's it?
That's all you got?

-Give me some kisses.
Give me some kisses.
-Come on.

-Cole!
-Oh, Joe.

Get the fuck out of here.

-How you doing?
-Once a shamrock,
always a winner.

Yeah, look at that.
I wore it on all my deployments.

That's awesome.

-Wow, it's been forever.
-Yeah.

I remember looking for you
at the graduation,

but the guys said
that they, uh...

they said you got
sent out on a quick ship
right out of base.

Right to the front
of the Ebola catcher.
That's a good memory.

Right on.

How you been, man?
You still skating?

Uh, you know, I'm just kind of
in between gigs, you know?

Just, uh... playing Mr. Mom,

you know, while my wife
is finishing her residency.

Hey, uh, let me buy you a drink.

-I know, it's all right.
[indistinct]
-No, come on. Have one.

-Have one.
-We're having wings and sodas.

You know, if the girls
need a ride, you can, uh...

We're on foot. It's okay.

I run a shinny league.
Wednesday nights.

Come down,
you strap 'em on again.

Door's always open.

Yeah, I'll think about it.

Good to see you.

Better luck next time.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Cole.

Thank you for your service.

[bar din]

Thank you for
your fucking service.

[pinball machine
whooshing, beeping]

[phone ringing]

[indistinct
announcement over TV]

-Great job.
-Thanks.

His name is Armando Flores.

He's an RN,
and he works with your wife.

[somber music playing]

[pinball machine
beeping distantly]

[♪]

-[bell rings]
-[man] Order up.

[upbeat music playing
over speaker]

Okay, ladies, here we go.

All right,
I don't do house calls,

so this better be
a fucking treat.

I mean, how did you find me?

It's on your apron.

[co-worker]
Is everything all right?

[sighs] It's okay.

All right.

You've got five minutes.

-Thank you.
-[Calvin clears his throat]

I don't know anything about you.

[scoffs]

I was born on the Cape
to loving parents.

-I have a sister named...
-No.

I want emotional collateral.

You know, this isn't about me.

This is about you.

And if you want to get well,

you've got to take
your treatment seriously
or stop wasting my time.

There's two of me.

There's Calvin,

and there's the monster
that was created over there.

You lose your morality
when you go to war.

And part of that
teaches you how to kill...

and another part
helps you survive.

And the hard part
is coming back to a civilian...

society that
doesn't have any idea

what's going on in your head.

Now, the rage,
the drugging, the drinking...

that's normal.

And I know
you don't feel normal.

But it is normal.

It's the trauma that wasn't.

And all the noise in my head?

Okay.

I'm going to give you
a little exercise.

It's called tapping.

Now, when you get triggered

and you get unwanted
thoughts in your head,

you take two fingers
on both sides

and you just tap...

on the outer meridians
of your head.

Just like that.

Just gently.

And it will calm down
the way your brain is working.

I know it seems simple.

Just try it.

Yeah, just like that.

Mm-hmm.

All the way around.

[indistinct whispering]

-I feel stupid.
-No, don't feel stupid.

You can also do it on your hand.

It's right there.

There you go.

Just like that.

Simple.

Listen.

-When you're ready...
-[paper crinkling]

maybe you can tell me
why your timeline ends
four years ago.

When you are...

I'll be there to listen.

Okay?

I'm sorry about earlier today.

Yeah.

So am I.

[quiet music playing]

Hey.

Whenever you're ready.

[♪]

Where'd you say you got
this piece of shit from?

Uh, an old friend of mine
owns this place.

He said if we unload

some stuff for him,
he'd give me a job.

Maybe I can buy
that truck from him.

-This frozen banana?
-[Gunny laughs]

Yeah, it is a little bright,
ain't it?

I'm getting
a sunburn from this thing.

What, you don't like the color?

You get a job digging
ditches in them chukkas?

What are you talking about?
I love these things.

Hey, look, every real Marine

drives these black Cadillacs.

You look like
Saturday Night Fever
in those things.

Well, I don't know
how you Army grunts do it,

but every real Marine
takes a walk on the wild side.

[both laughing]

[train horn honks]

What's she like, my daughter?

She's one of the most wonderful
people I've ever met in my life.

Yeah, you don't speak,
you don't see your children.

Still wearing a wedding ring.

Yeah.

I think that's the way
she kind of likes it.

And what about you,
you know, all that time away
from your family, locked up.

Was that worth it?

It was my last week
running drills at Parris Island.

Me and Gloria
were set to move back here

with the kids,
be closer to our family.

And there she was.

my old nurse from De Nang--

working as a desk clerk.

She was coming, I was going.

So we agreed to meet off base.

Had a few too many drinks
trying to figure out
what this thing was.

When a couple of locals
followed us outside.

Next thing I know,
I'm getting stomped
by five guys.

-[Calvin exclaims softly]
-Yeah.

So she tries to stop 'em.

Gets hit. I get up,
push one of them off.

He falls back
over his own damn feet.

Splits his head open
on the parking curb.

Died instantly.

Now you gotta understand,
back then in the South...

dealing with somebody
outside your own race...

[scoffs]

...Oh man, that was dangerous.

Especially for a married man.

Judge never saw it
as a hate crime.

I get court-martialed.

Stripped of all my medals.

I get 25 years to life.

[exhales sharply]

Yeah.

25 years in the Corps.

Another 30
locked up in Leavenworth.

And they ask me,
am I rehabilitated?

[sorrowful music building]

My pain is relative, son.

Sometimes we gotta fall apart...

to find ourselves
all over again.

[♪]

[spooky music playing]

[decoration laughing]

You just had to ask her.

I'll be the greatest hero
to lead Scotland to freedom.

And you and Uncle Tiger
can be ballet dancers.

Whoa, whoa, hold on, dude.

Did she say
ballet dancers or ballerinas?

Because I'm pretty sure
the ballet dudes,

they don't wear
tiaras and tutus.

Oh, shit. My bad.

-Oh, God.
-[Darryl chuckling]

You know, Crystal's at it
with the lawyers again.

She got me doing
couples therapy so they know

every card to play in court.

She garnished my wages
and took my connection pay.

[Darryl shudders]
They're talking
full custody now.

Full custody based on what?

They're saying
I'm not medically fit
to take care of her needs?

-[Calvin scoffs]
Not medically fit?
-Yeah.

How many guys you know
that take a blast

from a 70-year-old Russian frag

and fucking live
to tell the story.

Yeah, and I'm still finding
shrapnel in my morning crispies.

[both] Snap, crackle, pop.

-[Calvin chuckles]
-Boom.

Okay, I'm gonna take
Taylor up a couple more houses.

Then we gotta go home
and rehearse this
dance number for a talent show.

-Peace, brother.
-All right.

Come on, girl, let's go
get our dancing shoes on.

-[girls laughing]
-[Sydney] Stop!

-Your costume's so dumb.
-Yeah, what even is that?

-[Calvin] Hey, stop.
-Oh, my God, someone's coming.

-What are you doing?
-Let's get out of here.

Hey, stop!

Are you okay?

Here, let me help you.

Dad?

Sydney?

No, no, no, no. Please, stop.

-What do you want?
-I just want to
talk to you, please.

-You ruined my life.
-I know, and I'm so sorry.

We should have went to school.

-I know. I--
-We stayed at the bar.

I know, and I live
with that regret every day.
You have no idea.

You're not the only one
who has to go through this.

Please, come here. Come here.

I hate you, I was so mean
to her that morning.

Your sister loves you,
and you know that.

-Please.
-You're such a piece of shit.

I'm so sorry.

Leave me alone.

Whenever you're ready.

I was never idealistic,
you know?

I never watched
Saving Private Ryan

or Full Metal Jacket
and was like, that's me.

Like, I gotta do that.

You know, I...

I think I just wanted to be
one of the good guys, you know?

Just go over there
and protect my brothers.

To be fair, you know,
most of us were broke,

had shit going on, you know?

When you ain't got nothing,
you ain't got nothing to lose.

Were you...

Were you afraid?

Fuck yeah.

You know, you don't go
hopping through people's
backyards in my hood

in the middle of the night
unless you want to get shot,
so I figured, you know...

I mean, like, why should
this be any different?

And the thing is, is that

nobody thinks
it's gonna be them.

I mean,
certainly not until the...

Gate on the bird comes down
and you see the terrain

and you feel the heat
on your face, smell the air.

It becomes pretty fucking real.

It's just...

it's just not what you think
it's gonna be like,

and maybe that's just life,

but it couldn't be further
from those glossy commercials

of be all you can be, you know?

But look, I...

I didn't want to kill anybody...

If that's what you're thinking.

That never crossed my mind.

[Calvin sighs]

It was one of
our first missions as a unit.

And the intel from inside
the village was that there
was 20 known targets

trying to hide caches
of large weapons,

you know,
in these tunnel systems.

It was like Viet Cong shit.

It was fucking scary.

So we dropped flyers on
all the villages, homes and...

and any military-age man
that was left behind
would be suspect.

By the time
we were boots on the ground,

we had lost 0-dark-hundred,
meaning that our plan

to get in and out before
sunrise had gone to shit.

So this was gonna become
very dangerous
very quick for us.

Uh, we breached
the first few homes.

It was just mostly
women, children,

some elderly people, you know.

And I think
we started to think, like,

maybe we are winning
their hearts and minds.

Maybe-- maybe all this time that
we've been in this country...

meant something.

And that's when I...

Came upon
this six-foot cinderblock
sheep pen wall, and...

[exhales sharply]

I knew
we weren't all coming back.

Why is that?

There was this
two-foot crack in the wall.

And within those two feet...

I knew it was gonna be bad.

It was just...

Evil.

Ominous, you know.

Just...

You could feel it in your soul,

just, like,
sucking it like a vacuum.

I...

I continued on, breaching doors.

Got to a few more village homes,

and that's when
Third Squad took contact.

We rushed to their position,
and sure enough,
there was Brandon,

trying to get into that pen
to get to our guys.

Our comms weren't working
well that day,

so I didn't have a signal,
and I had to call out to him,

and I said, "Don't go in there."

And he just--
he just turned to me...

And there was this...

This look on his face.

And it was like...

it was like the entire reason
that he was put on this Earth

was to go into that pen
after his men.

And that's when he went through
that two-foot crack in the wall,

and he never came back.

Did my son suffer?

[gentle music playing]

A father's got to know.

I can only imagine it
a thousand times worse.

Brandon took ten AK rounds
and was grenaded by the enemy

who were hiding under
that thatch in the sheep pen.

When we got in there,
we smoked them pretty good.

Deacons and admins
were KIA, but...

Brandon was still alive.

I-- I performed
life-saving tourniquet,

quick clot, to stop the
bleeding, but he hadn't worn
his plates that day,

so he had sustained massive
trauma to his upper torso

and lower right side
from the shrapnel.

Your boy wasn't scared,
Mr. St. Germain.

He knew he was loved.

[♪]

Brandon died...

right here, in between
these two village homes.

Six thousand
miles away from here.

Sorry I couldn't bring
your son home, sir.

I think I'll have
that drink now.

[door bell ringing]

Buying or selling today?

Oh, I, uh...

Just these.

Are these yours?

Yes.

Under the Stolen Valor Act,
we can't buy these.

I tell you what.

How about I hang on to them

and whenever you're ready,
you come back and get 'em.

How much for this?

-[upbeat music playing]
-[faint buzzing]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not too much, all right?

Don't take too much off.

I don't want
to look like a jarhead.

-[Calvin chuckles]
-All right. Come on.

-Just relax, okay?
-Okay, okay.

I did all the shape-ups
in the bag.

All right, you know,
I'm just a little nervous.

-I know.
-Yeah, God.

My parole officer's
coming in a minute.

He put in a word for me
at the credit union.

I'm gonna take over
the payments for the truck.

All right. Okay.

[Gunny exhales sharply]

-Just a sec.
-Okay.

♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪

-All right.
-All right.

Thanks. Thanks.

Got married in this thing.

I still got it or what?

Huh? How do I look?

-Like you're playing for keeps.
-[Gunny laughs]

All right, Mr. St. Germain.

If you could just sign
here, here,

and here, we should be all set.

The loan will be approved
pending the appeal of
your discharge status.

Okay.
[sniffles and clears his throat]

I didn't want to say anything,
but you wouldn't happen to be

related to Alice St. Germain,
would you?

Yes, yes. That's my daughter.

I just want to extend
my sincerest condolences
to you, sir.

I know it's been some years now.

Oh. Look...

It's okay.

Brandon died doing
what he loved to do.

I'm sorry.

I meant Alice's
youngest daughter, Isabella.

[knocking]

Darryl?

[bird chirps]

["Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky,
music box version]

Darryl?

[music stops]

[door latch clicks,
door squeaking]

You gonna take that drink,
soldier?

Or you gonna try
door number two?

Either way, same result.

[somber music playing]

Oh, I've seen that look.

This is it.

All or nothing.

I bet you wonder...

where's my tribe?

Man, I ain't talking about
no friendship, neither.

I'm talking about brotherhood.

The willingness
to give your life

for the one to your left
or to your right.

To put the welfare of the group
over your own and know...

they'd do the same for you
in an instant.

Where you gonna
find that back here?

There's no greater love
or intimacy.

Not for flag, not for country...

for glory.

Just for each other.

Semper fi.

Always faithful.

[♪]

[cartridge clattering]

I know about my granddaughter.

That was a big one
to keep from me.

But I kept my secret
for 30 years, so...

I'm gonna give you a pass.

But just like me, I know
you're seeking redemption.

I can see it in your eyes.

You've walked
through the portal.

Seen the world unfiltered.

It's both
a blessing and a curse.

But we hold the line, son.

And whatever this is,
you have me.

Because I found my tribe.

And I ain't giving up on it.

[♪]

Welcome to the awakening.

[Calvin] You know,
my Ma used to say
that the will of God

won't take you where the grace
of God won't protect you.

And in that moment,

I was praying to a God
I hadn't spoke to
in a long time.

I think I'm ready
to talk about Izzy.

[pinball machine jangling]

Hmm. I'm gonna
go to the bathroom.

Just wait until
I finish this level.

I've never gotten this far.

Yes!

Hey, coach!

I just won ten grand.
How's that for good luck?

[man] There you go, kid.

Next round's
on Target brand Matt Damon.

-Dad!
-Cash me out?

Dad! Dad!

I can't find Isabel.

She needed to go to the bathroom

and I told her
she could wait while

I play my game,
but she's not here.

No, no, no. It's okay.

She's gonna be somewhere.
We'll find her.

Don't worry.

Just stay right here, okay?

Just stay right here.
Just sit right there.

Izzy?

Isabella!

[wind chime jingles]

Izzy!

Izzy!

Have you seen a little,
she's girl about this tall,

she's got a pink jacket on?

[horn blares]

Izzy!

[whistle blowing]

[horn blares]

Izzy!

[whistle blowing]

[whistle blowing]

[whistle blowing]

[sirens blaring]

[somber music playing]

[sobbing]

Hi.

I'm Armando.

Alice and I are
in the same nursing program.

I'm sorry to meet you
under these circumstances.

Why don't you take a break?

Sydney's upstairs in her room.

Can I make you a plate of food?

Can I come in?

Can you at least speak
to me, Squid?

[Sidney exhales]

I have nothing to say.

[tearfully]
Don't call me that anymore.

[Armando] You're going through
a lot right now.

-You just need to stay calm.
-No, no.

I need to figure this out now.

[sobbing] Let me go.

[woman] Just calm down.

I think
she just needs some space, bro.

-What?
-I think
she just needs some space.

Hey! Hey! Hey! No!

She's my wife!

What the is wrong with you?

-Let go of me!
-[Alice] Calm down!

Just let me fucking speak!

[breathing heavily]

When Brandon
didn't make it home...

I weathered that storm with you.

You gave me no choice.

So I put aside my own grief,

my own suffering
of losing my brother...

the only family I ever had.

I did that for you. [sobs]

And you too.

And your Tammy Faye wife.

And no, sweetie,
Jesus ain't getting you out

of this ratfuck
fuck mess either.

I thought that
was hitting bottom.

When you got back
from your last deployment...

I realized there was no bottom.

Something was different.

It wasn't that you'd changed.

You'd been replaced.

You refused to talk to me.

[sobs]

Or anyone else for that matter.

Every night
you would moan in your sleep.

You'd-- you'd walk around
the house talking to yourself.

You can't hold down a job.

If they don't fire you first
for being such a fuck-up.

And a danger to you
and everyone around you.

Do you know what it's like...

to be paralyzed every time
the phone rings...

hoping it's not the coroner

'cause they found
your dead body?

And then that call came.

[sobs]

But it wasn't you.

And I prayed to God it was.

And no one
in this room would disagree.

[Dr. Knox] What are you
grateful for, Calvin?

Have you not been
listening to me?

[Dr. Knox]
You said that a friend came over
and saved your life last night.

Do you feel grateful
to them for being there

when you needed them the most?

Yeah.

[Dr. Knox] Good.

What else?

I don't know. I guess I'm...

I'm here with you.

[chuckles]

Yeah, you are.

What else?

Well, there's guys
I served with that I...

that I really miss.

You know, that I want to see.

Well, I bet they'd like
to see you, too.

I bet they miss you.

I mean, can you feel that?

Calvin, gratitude.

You can see it everywhere.

And it's there for you.

Just for you.

It's a gift.

I mean, it doesn't
really feel that way.

Well, do you want to be happy
or do you want to be right?

I mean, what is it
that you truly want, Calvin?

I just want to know
that it wasn't all for nothing.

Hmm.

I-- I just want to--

I don't know, wake up in
the morning and matter.

I want a relationship with

my daughter and her mother,
and I just...

I just want to wake up in
the morning and feel something.

Do you feel that
you deserve that?

No.

[Dr. Knox sighs]

I want you to imagine
a 52-year-old freshman
in college...

waiting tables at night,
cleaning hotel rooms

on the weekends,

so she can come home
and take care of her grandson...

who's so heartbroken
that he asks her...

"Why didn't my daddy
love me enough to live?"

And you know what she's got?

"I don't know."

See...

My grandson, Cody...

His father was my son, Michael.

And his suicide...

[sighs]

...wasn't to end things
for getting worse.

What it did was it eliminated

the possibility
of things getting better.

It took everything that I had

to forgive him, but I did.

And I did because...

I had so much gratitude
for Cody.

He's a gift.

And because of him,
I started to...

look around in my life
for other gifts.

And what I found
was abundance...

and the strength
to learn how to take care of

other little boys
and little girls,

so their parents could come home

and say, "Baby..." [sobs]

"...you are more than worth it."

[Dr. Knox sobs]

You see, this place...

This place is meant to take you
from minus five to zero.

But what if you could live
on a higher level,

net positive.

PTG.

Post-traumatic growth.

You see, with loss,

traumatic loss...

is so painful.

And the pain leads to anger.

The anger leads to grit.

And with grit, you can survive
just about anything.

And you and I
both know about that.

Now, Calvin, you were willing to
give your life for your country.

Now maybe
you can try living for it.

Thanks.

-I'll see you tomorrow?
-Yeah.

Okay.

[bright music playing]

[♪]

You wanted to see me?

This isn't a daycare.

I need you to be careful
with how much personal time

and emotional investment
you give a patient.

You're only here to provide
the tools, nothing more.

If you have patients believing
that you're Dumbo's feather

and you develop
compassion fatigue

and they drop the feather,
where will that leave you?

Where will that leave them?

I guess...

I become the system.

-Having lost your son...
-Wait a minute.

He has nothing to do with this.

He has everything to do
with the way you're treating
Mr. Cole.

I just want him
to know he's got a chance.

That there's hope.

Hope is the only thing
these men and women have,

and if you take that away,
they will become a statistic.

Oh.

Okay.

What's this?

These are all
of Mr. Cole's brain scans,

dating all the way back
to his first head trauma,

sustained during deployment.

I had neurology
compare his scans

with his neuropsych tests.

They were able to identify

the degenerate,
systematic patterns

that we now see in deceased
NFL players with CTE.

Difficulties
with impulse control,

decision-making,
volatile behavior,

symptoms we know
conclusively as a CTE diagnosis.

A diagnosis that can only be
made post-mortem.

When it's too late.

[indistinct chatter]

[phone ringing]

Hey, Cal, you getting that?

[phone ringing]

Hello? Cole residence.

[Alice over phone]
Hi, is Calvin there?

Um, no,
he's indisposed at the moment.

Can I take a message
or have him call you back?

[Alice] Whitney?

Is that you?

Uh...

yeah, yeah, this is him.

[Alice]
One of our friends passed.

-Yeah. Very sad.
-[Alice] I just...

I just wanted to know if there
were any services planned.

Yeah, there's gonna be
a service, um...

Friday at noon.

Uh, St. Patrick's over on...

[Alice]
Yeah, I know where that is.

Just please let him know.
I hope it's okay.

We'd like to pay our respects.

Okay. I'll let him know.

I'm sure he'll be
glad to hear you coming.

-[Alice] Thanks.
-Right. See you then.

Listen, we're having
a reception after...

[dial tone]

[bell tolling]

[inaudible speaking]

[somber music playing]

[inaudible speaking]

[inaudible speaking]

[inaudible speaking]
[music swells]

[inaudible speaking]

[music fades]

Hey.

Um...

can I come in?

Your father wanted me
to give you these.

It plays really pretty music,
a little ballerina.

You just wind it up right there.

He also wanted
me to give you these.

These are
his medals from his service.

They only give those to people
who do something really brave.

Your father was a brave man.

He begged my mom
to move this year.

He told everyone so I could go
to a better school,

and maybe that's true.

But I think he needed to be
closer to you...

to feel safe.

Why are you doing that?

I just, um...

I just do it when I'm anxious
or when I'm scared.

It just helps to calm me.

I want you to know that
I loved your father very much.

If there's anything
that you ever need...

I'll be there.

["Stay" by Charly Lowry playing]

♪ Is it too much to ask
To have this dance? ♪

♪ I want to see
The moonlight in your eyes ♪

♪ Stay, stay,
Stay a little bit longer ♪

So I'm thinking I'm probably
gonna head out next week

after the court signs off
on my last session.

Good. Signs off on what?

Oh. It's probably
a conversation for another time.

I was just gonna...

head out onto the open road,

you know,
see some of the country,

some of my guys, just kinda...

Get right with myself.

I was just thinking
we should probably talk.

Seems like
that's what we're doing.

Hey, you got a plan,
I understand.

I'll be out
by the time you get back.

No, that's not what I'm saying.

I was actually gonna
ask you if you were okay with...

you know, holding the fort.

Sure. [laughs]

Sure. Um...

When you coming back?

Probably before Christmas.

Gotham still needs
its duo on that track.

[Whitney laughs] Great.

Gives me a chance to work on
my holiday flan from the clink.

[Calvin]
I'll be on the edge of my seat.

[laughs]

[art therapist]
Painting your authentic self.

Let the brush become
an extension of your hand.

Finding your inner self.

Let each stroke... [voice fades]

[soft music playing]

[♪]

You told me
I'd find you in here.

[chuckles] What did you do,
wrestle a unicorn?

That was always your joke
with the girls...

competing in
arm wrestling tournaments.

Yeah, I, uh,
I did an intro to dance,

so I decided to pick up a brush.

Wait, wait.

Dancing and painting?
Who are you? [chuckles]

Is that yours?

Might be.

-Yeah, it's top secret.
-Okay.

So...

how you been?

Uh, good.

Good, good. Yeah, um...

learning a lot
about myself, you know.

They, uh,
they said that the army

primed my noodle for combat,
but not for the civilian world,
you know.

They told me that I have...

no use for my frontal lobes,

which is the, uh,
the Bruce Banner
part of the brain,

you know, which has the, um,
inhibitory thoughts

to stop you from doing
crazy shit,
which is the Hulk part.

But I guess that's, uh...

I guess that's why
I could never decide on a flavor

when we took the girls
for ice cream.

That, and you'd threaten
to kill the kid

behind the counter
if you got impatient.

-Sorry.
-No, no, no, it's, it's okay.
It's-- that's fair.

So, yeah, I was thinking I'd do

some more courses here
and try to get my GED.

-Maybe use the GI Bill.
-That's great.

Mm, I keep rambling.

No, no, it's okay.
It's-- it's good.

It's the most
you've talked in years.

I see you're still hiding.

So what about you?
I mean, how's work going?

[sighs] You know, it's really
fulfilling, actually.

I just, uh, took
a transfer to a VA in Vermont.

It's a promotion, actually.

Wow, congrats. That's great.

-Thanks.
-Vermont.

Yeah. I think
it'll be good for Sydney.

You know, everything
here still reminds her of...

-[sighs]
-Yeah.

We'll be closer to Josh's firm.

Uh, Josh, I...

oh, I, uh, I didn't know.

Congrats on that.

That's great.
Yeah, that's great.

Thank you.

We're just gonna do
something small in the backyard.

-You know?
-Yeah.

How about you?

Seeing anyone special?

-Oh.
-Hopeful romantic.

In time.

You know...

thank you for showing
my father kindness.

He saved my life.

Listen, I was gonna
swing by and just,

you know, pick up
some of Isabella's things.

Okay.

Yeah, um, any time. Yeah.

Okay.

Sydney wanted me
to give you this.

She's also been in therapy.

Can you tell her that
I love her?

She knows.

And I will.

[♪]

[upbeat music playing
from inside building]

[♪]

Let's give it up one more time
for the amazing Melody.

Isn't she incredible?

Maybe she will
tell us her secrets.

What do you think?

[off-key flute playing]

[off-key trumpet playing]

[overlapping conversations]

-Hey.
-You're finally here.

We have to go put on
our costumes and do our makeup.

Costumes? Makeup?

Just remember what I taught you.
And try not to step on my feet.

You got this, Uncle Tiger.

[announcer] We have a very
special guest for you next,

who is here in honor
of his best friend, Daryl.

So let's give a warm welcome
to Mr. Calvin Cole

and Miss Taylor Sparks.

[cheering and applause]

["Don't Kill The Magic"
by MAGIC! playing]

♪ If you want space ♪

♪ You could have it ♪

♪ If you want change ♪

♪ I'll make it drastic ♪

♪ Sleep on your bed ♪

♪ I'll be your mattress ♪

♪ Bullet to my head ♪
♪ You could blast it ♪

♪ Oh, if you want love ♪
♪ I'll be tragic ♪

♪ The way that you love ♪
♪ I can match it ♪

♪ If you want time ♪
♪ I'll be elastic ♪

♪ I'll tell you no lie ♪
♪ You could have it ♪

♪ No lie ♪

♪ Just don't kill ♪

♪ Don't kill the magic ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Just don't kill,
Don't kill the magic ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪ ♪ I'm not ready
To give up just yet ♪

♪ We can stay
Until we both forget ♪

♪ So baby, don't kill,
Don't kill the magic ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

[music fades]

I was thinking about
something Whitney said.

He said sometimes
we have to fall apart...

to find ourselves
all over again.

What does that mean to you?

Sometimes
the only way out is through.

Hmm.

And...

part of
the healing is letting go.

But I think mostly...

I just have to be okay
not being okay.

Good.

What about now?

[chuckles]

I'm okay.

[chuckles]

I guess I should, uh...

I guess I should give you this.

I'm a free man.

Well, I've been
talking to your doctors,

and they attribute
your improvement

to your willingness
to do the work.

But it's imperative
that we continue to study

your brain health
when you come back.

All right. [chuckles]

This is goodbye only for now.

For now.

Thanks.

Um, Cal, uh...

I made this for you.

It's your schedule
for when you return.

When the real work begins.

I don't know what to say.

Thank you.

I'm so proud of you, Calvin.

You matter.

-[woman] Dr. Knox?
-Oh, you must be Jordan.

Come on in. Have a seat.

Well, I guess
I didn't screw you up too bad.

You got this.

Okay, Jordan. You like Play-Doh?

I love this stuff.
It lets out all the tension.

I know this is going to
sound a little heavy...

[indistinct chatter]

[bright music playing]

[♪]

Just remember,
I never drove you here.

[door clicking]

Sorry. I knocked, I--

I just-- I was going to...

I was just going to
give you these.

[sighs, chuckles]

I won that at a bake sale.

I guess
it's a family heirloom now?

[both chuckle]

It looks better on you.

[soft music continues]

[Whitney] Physical pain...

reminds us that we're alive.

But it's the mental pain...

that tests whether or not
we're going to stay that way.

Whether it's the warrior's
thousand-yard stare
on the battlefield

or the cosmonaut
who breaches the unknown.

Our pain is relative.

Sometimes we've got to
fall apart...

to find ourselves
all over again.

[music fades]

[bright music playing]

[♪]

[♪]

["Wait For Me" by Loryn Taggart
and Joe Moralez playing]

♪ Hmm ♪

♪ Hmm, hmm ♪

♪ Figuring out how to get out ♪

♪ Of this numb reality ♪

♪ Tearing me down,
Dust on the ground ♪

♪ From this innocence in me ♪

Nigel, you've gone to war.

Why did you get
involved in this?

My grandfather was
a POW of the Second World War.

He was a Polish farmer
that was captured

during the Nazi
takeover of Poland

and enslaved on his own land.

And Matt?

Originally,
when I came onto this project,

Stephen had kind of
pitched to me just to--

he wanted to make
a film about soldiers

transitioning
back into civilian life.

And at the beginning, I thought,
"Yeah, that sounds cool,"

but it just took me sitting down
in front of our first veteran

for it to become very personal.

No matter
your political background,
no matter your religion,

we would just sit there
and listen.

And I think that
that has got us as far

as why we're sitting
in front of you today.

According to a RAND study,

20% of Iraq and Afghanistan
veterans suffer from PTSD.

Half don't seek treatment. Why?

Essentially, the military
is able to strip you down
to build you back up.

And that's what keeps you alive,
but it also
is what allows you to kill.

You come back home,
and the biggest challenge

is trying to assimilate
back into a civilian populace

that doesn't have the same
thoughts and feelings as you do.

But what you went through
was abnormal.

But you are normal.

♪ Here comes the day that ♪

♪ [indistinct lyrics]
will meet me at the door ♪

♪ I'll be home if I can ♪

♪ Just promise me that
We will stay ♪

♪ Then we'll move on,
And then we'll move on ♪

♪ Thoughts running,
Haunting my head ♪

♪ You'd rather
Walk away instead ♪

♪ You just got to wait ♪

♪ You just got to wait ♪

♪ Yes, you can ♪

♪ You just have to wait ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪
♪ Wait for me there ♪

♪ Wait for me there,
Wait for me ♪

♪ Wait for me there,
Pray for me there ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪
♪ Yes, you can ♪

♪ Wait for me there,
Wait for me there ♪

♪ Wait for me there,
Pray for me there ♪

♪ Just wait for me,
Wait for me there ♪

♪ And pray for me ♪
♪ Yes you can ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪
♪ Pray for me there ♪

♪ Just wait for me there,
Wait for me there, please ♪

♪ Wait for me there ♪

♪ Hmm ♪

[music fades]

[bright music playing]