Original subtitles

Mr. Funny-Bone (1976) _ 老夫子 _ Full Movie _ Shaw Brothers Cinema_High .ms { Name:Malay(Auto-translated); lang:ms; SAMIType:CC; } .en { Name:Inggeris; lang:en; SAMIType:CC; } .zh-Hant { Name:Cina (Tradisional); lang:zh-Hant; SAMIType:CC; } .yue { Name:Kantonis (auto jana); lang:yue; SAMIType:CC; } The Funnybone's face, Funnybone's clothes I look like a gentleman Gentleman, a perfect gentleman Funnybone's moustache, Funnybone's cap You'll laugh and feel relaxed when you look at me Funnybone's look, Potato's face You know us by our strange outfits Strange outfits... I have a body like a wax gourd, and very short Three pieces of hair on top of my head Funnybone & Big Potato We make the best of partners When there's you, there's me Having such a great time Laugh out loud Think positive If you are troubled, lighten up Too much worry will make you a fool Hate her look Hate her attitude Keeps dropping her handkerchief on the ground 0.270833333333333 Potato, what's wrong with you ? What is it? Damn it, you keep farting in your sleep Bloody hell, there you go again ! Smelly bean curd Smells so good Some sauce would be better Chili sauce will do the trick A little of that Great, tasty and hot Why did you bite my toes, Funnybone? I was eating smelly bean curd in my dream You mean my toes smell as bean curd? Chili sauce? Clean this up for me I love you, baby You're my precious babe What are you doing? Why did you bite me? I dreamt of the fat girl, just wanted to kiss her You dreamt of my cousin It's 6:30 a.m. Time to get up, it's bright sunlight Why did you draw up the blinds? How can I sleep? It's time Get up, Potato Let's go for the morning exercise No way. You go ahead yourself I want to sleep in Damn it Let me use the UV light... to cure your stinky feet It works miracles It hurts Morning Exercise The dragon The dragon The tiger The crane Crane The snake Not like this. Observe Did you see me? Like this Like this The shoulder And ... doggie Nice What are you doing? Let me help you up Don't be shy, miss Are you harassing her? None of your business Snake Crane Tiger You have guts. Come here What's this? The Dog? I invented this style, I'm Funnybone Help... stop it Get out of here He doesn't look very kind We might get ripped He seems a puny little thing Let's bully him Having fun Pay up Fine, I will pay you. Don't hurt me Here you go What about you? He gave you already. I have no money Thanks Don't make any noise Why did you let him? Funnybone He robbed you of 200. Think that's funny ? That's the stage prop bills used in movies What's so funny? I'm laughing because... we got robbed Sorry? Then what's that to be so happy about? You don't know The two hundred dollars I gave him... are props That's why it's funny Props It's true Of course I've got some more, look Look It looks so real... here you go Where do you keep the real thing? Underneath my cap, of course Freeze Move your head over Hold this These are real, thanks Why are you so stupid? Why did you tell him? How did I know ... Hey, you forgot your gun ... Shoot him, Funnybone You'll only be charged as a murder suspect Right Freeze It's a water pistol Where are you going? It's such fun Cousin It's you Baby, I love you so much You love me? I'm scared of you I love you Let go of me Will you marry me? Absolutely not I love you, dear cousin Help Marry me, dear cousin Why are you pulling me? I like you I've told you I don't like you Cousin Who'd wanna marry you, shortie ! Cousin Where are you going? Cousin Where to? Let go of me Cousin Where are you going? You're heartless Fat girl Where are you? Potato Why are you hiding in a garbage can? Has she gone? I don't see her anywhere Thank God ! Introduce her to me Sure, I will You must, thanks Forcing your way onto the bus All in order Here's the bus Wait for me Wait for me Get up Let him sit here Nice cap Stop pushing Hey, get in line We don't have to queue Why not? Go We're getting off, don't block the exit Wait for me Wait for me Hey, didn't you see me? What? What are you doing? Hey, didn't you see me? How could you stop here? Damn it Hey, I haven't gone on the bus yet Why do you close the door? Wait Here's the bus Stop pushing You think I can't make it? I'm Funnybone, the resourceful one Old man, you've to pay. Don't try this again So? Are you alright? Do you want me to call an ambulance? Young man, you've a lot of nerve There're so many cars on the road You dare run into a police vehicle ! Didn't you see the red light? Sorry Driver's license Yes sir You deserve this Be nice to the passengers from now on You deserve this It's time for work Nine to Five Morning Mister, does this go to the fifth floor? Yes Fifth floor Wait, let the old lady get in first It's stuck, let me help you Hey, what do you think you're doing? No Get out I was trying to unhook that Let's see if you dare do that again ! Manager Chiu Funnybone, you're 15 minutes late I'm 14 minutes 59.9 seconds late If you're ever late again ... I'll leave What about this time? The usual Get to it then What are you doing? I'm not done yet Hey, watch it, Funnybone Funnybone Funnybone What? You may stop. The manager is looking for you Come here, Funnybone What is it? Look How did you calculate this? Look at it You smell awful Did the Manager put you to the toilet job ? Is that right? The stench is getting to me Perfume Smells good Who messed with my stuff? I'm smelling great now Funnybone Miss Chen You've messed with my stuff again I'll call the police next time Return it Return it Take it Return it Return it Take it That's enough There's no need to be angry, Miss Chen I'll take you to a movie tonight I'm busy Tomorrow night? Busy The night after tomorrow? Busy Miss Chen Could you come over? Type two copies for me And one copy of this Sure, I'll do it Thanks Be careful Miss Chen, did you hurt your bum? Help me out here Sorry, I moved the chair for you But then you ... What are you doing? Damn it Damn it I deserve this I deserve this Miss Chen, why the cigarette smell? Manager... Do you want a cup of tea, sir? Hurry Let go Manager, I wanted to bring you a cup of tea But you know things happen Who left the mouse trap here? I did You're fired Please don't do that I have a mother, two fathers three wives, four mistresses, ... five sons, five daughters You can't fire me, sir Please give him a second chance, sir Move away Is this yours, manager? Have this dispatched to the manager of Yamamoto Co. Mr. Hiroshi Mr. Hiroshi ? Yes Who's he? He's Japanese Japanese What are you doing? Oh, got to pull this to open You think it's strange? Not all doors are to be pushed in Pull Who are you looking for? The manager Inside Hello... he's gone out Push or pull? That's right We're both wrong The manager told me to give this to you, miss You are very young for a manager You've got it wrong I'm not the manager, he's inside Thanks Push or pull, miss? Pull, nuts Pull What is it? I'm your dad Thank you Many thanks Thank you Many thanks Many thanks Thank you Many thanks Thank you Many thanks Thank you Many thanks Thank you Many thanks Thank you Hi, many hair Did you insult me? The Japanese said so The Ghost I'm a burring passion Light up the whole desert It's a ghost... please help Help There's a ghost What's the matter with you? You almost scared me I've seen a ghost You are crazy A ghost during the day? Don't you believe me? You'll see one soon I don't believe you It's a ghost ! Got Fired I'm a burning passion What? Miss Chen, can I borrow your pen? Here you go Thank you Thanks Bye, thank you, bye ... Manager Bye Shut up Do I hire you to work... or dance here? Get back to work Yes, sir Miss Chen, please come in my office Funnybone, Miss Chen will be in trouble Funnybone, after Miss Chen walks in She won't come out alive Miss Chen, I admire you I'd like to have dinner with you Who is it? Funnybone Manager, I need your signatures Don't worry Take it This one Don't panic, I'm here And this one... Also this Leave them here and get out Yes, sir Where were we? Miss Chen, I admire you I'd like to have dinner with you Then we'll go dancing And we'll go for a night snack afterwards After that ... Manager, oh no! Water bill Electricity bill Sauna bill Get out Let's continue Miss Chen, I admire you I'd like to have dinner with you Then we'll go dancing And we'll go for a night snack afterwards Night snack? After that ... We'll go to the Night Pearl Love Motel Scrub and clean, saves water and energy Please use the Matchmaker brand... excuse me The magic detergent Scrub Scrub and clean, saves water and energy Get out You! Funnybone! Go to hell! You're unbelievable! You're very busy, sir Maybe we'll continue later Don't worry Continue Miss Chen, I ... I admire you a lot Right ... Miss Chen, I admire you I'd like to have dinner with you Then we'll go dancing Are you taking down the place? I can't push this door open Guess it must be locked I was worried... about you two being locked inside I wanted to take a look Damn you ! Funnybone, what are you doing? Fighting over a girl with the manager? My family jewels Sorry, I didn't mean it What was that, Funnybone? You should be careful Excuse me, move away, it's dangerous Sorry... Funnybone, I know you're heart broken But you don't need to hurt my bum I didn't know it'll go that way I thought it'll go the other way Truly sorry Can't believe you Nothing's working What now, Funnybone? My foot Leave me alone What did I ever do to you? It's all your fault What's going on? It fell from upstairs Who's trying to kill us? I won't spare you if I caught you It won't be that easy Hot So cool What are you doing? Funnybone Turn it off Hey, don't blow the papers away Turn it off Turn it off Why did you hit me? I didn't tell him to do it Funnybone Please don't hurt me You old fool You did this on purpose I will kill you I didn't mean it, help Help Damn it Sorry, didn't intend to Oh, you pour it on me Sorry I'll get even I'll get even My special cocktail Are you alright, Miss Chen? I'm fine Shut up For you For you This is for you Who started this? Him ... Funnybone Not me It's him Not me I knew it, you're fired You wouldn't dare Why not? Because I'll tell your wife, the tigress Sorry? What did I say ? Listen carefully You went to the love motel with a young lady Slept in an electrical round bed How did you know? Manager, about your little secret Of course I'd know Let me tell you I can tell the sex of a fly Do you believe me? You wouldn't dare to tell my wife I've already told her Don't bluff I'm not, she's here She's here Hey, give me a hand here I've dropped everything She's really here? Dear Hurry Coming What are you doing here at this hour? Am I not welcome? You bum I'm here to check if you were cheating on me Funnybone Yes ma'am Is he acting funny... around the secretary outside? Tell me frankly Let me tell you Go on He and his secretary I'll raise your salary, $600 more That's not enough Hurry $1000 more That's more like it He's gone out with his secretary Miss Chen Sorry? Let me be more specific The three of us ran into some robbers At least I know kung fu I took care of things No problem Yes, Funnybone is a kung fu expert Come here, have a cigar Funnybone, I'll promote you tomorrow Now that I remember I'm broke, but I need to buy something later Give me your cheque book Sure Your Majesty Take my stuff back home Yes Funnybone Yes ma'am Keep an eye on him for me If he tries anything funny Give me a call I'll keep an eye on him Bye Manager You've raised my salary What do you want me to do? What? I plan to kick you out Let go ... I forgot something What's that? My hand bag, that's right Funnybone, I promote you to be the Assistant Manager Assistant? With a bonus two-month pay every year Alright, I'll think about it Here it is, I have a bad memory Pick me up at the salon tonight Yes, bye Fine, I'll take your offer But on one condition Miss Chen will be my secretary Look at him What's going on? Funnybone, why are you packing? I think you got fired No, I got promoted To Assistant Manager Really? I'll enjoy air conditioning in his office from now on Seriously? Miss Chen, I'm now the Assistant Manager Can I take you out to tea? I'll meet you later at the Botanical Garden Come to me if any of you want a raise What's going on? What? Are you alright? So you're not the Assistant Manager Got fired and got a bump on my forehead In a Chinese restaurant Potato, there's a table Really? Mr. Chin, there's a table A table? There's a table What a nice guy Sit We're lucky Waiter, clean the table Yes Waiter Not yet, the customer hasn't asked for the bill Not asked for the bill? He's gone to the bathroom Don't panic, I've a plan Are you sure? Sure What a careless man You're on fire What time is it, mister? Two o'clock You should head back to work Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti Now we have the table No chairs Look for chairs I'll guard our table You go ahead Alright I'll go too Chair Another one Finally Time to order BBQ pork buns Excuse me, miss Bring us something to eat Yes Also ... We can't eat without tea Never mind So what do you want to tell me? You know about Miss Lin I don't know how to woo her I need help Potato, it's the same case for me and Miss Chen Help us out Here're my special plans for you, one each Yours Yours Don't open it now Only open it when you really need it You'll succeed Tea Come on Have some more Mine Have some more The bill please Twelve fifty together Ten dollars Two dollars Fifty cents No tips? What? I've paid So? Let's go Useless buggers The Mastermind Plan Miss Chen Here I come What's the matter? You're meeting Miss Lin? Here? Why can't I? Don't do this again Coming ... Act according to the plan Miss Lin, let's go over there Nice figure Miss Chen Why are you staring at Miss Lin? Is she your date? Or I am? You, of course Let's go over there, Miss Chen There's something ... that I want to tell you Go ahead It's embarrassing Why? Go on, only the two of us here, tell me Please take these flowers Plastic flowers? They won't wither They represent our love The love will last forever Miss Chen I fear that you'll refuse me I won't, we're friends Then I've got the courage I ... I ... What do you want to say? It's embarrassing It's ok, go ahead I will Miss Chen, I want to ... I want to ask you ... I want to ask you ... to lend me two hundred dollars for my rent Funnybone, you asked me out... so that I can lend you money for rent? I got fired, you know that I don't have money for rent next month Take it Miss Chen, wait a minute You have nothing else to say, I'm off now Miss Chen, I want to speak to you Please bear with me, Miss Chen I want to talk to you Miss Chen, let's have a chat Sexy I'm a burning passion Light up the whole desert I'm a burning passion Light up the whole desert How do you do? Miss Chen... wait Miss Chen, don't go Bye, Miss Chen Don't be angry Miss Chen, marry me I have tuberculosis, 3rd stage You still want to propose? It's alright I've got leprosy, fourth stage We're the perfect match Wait French kiss French kiss I'm French What are you doing ? French kiss is so exciting I can't take it Act lovingly Miss Lin, look at me Are you nuts? What's with the face? You think I'm Brigitte Lin? Come closer What's with the pretense? Miss Lin, you are my sunshine Miss Lin, you are my oxygen Kiss me or I will beat you up My mom said I'm too young to kiss Damn you Funnybone, what's wrong with you? Leave me alone Miss Chen, wait Chinese Kung Fu Enter the Dragon The Way of the Dragon The Love Marathon Get set, ready What are you doing? I don't want to run You can run alone Let's go, Miss Lin Let go of me What are you doing ? Miss Lin, I want to kiss you I want to love you I want to cherish you Go to hell You think you're Alan Tang? Kick you good Take action first and explain later Hey, sexy lady What are you doing with the knife? Don't move Come with me to the toilet What for? Not going to pee If you don't go... Then I'll stab you Didn't you hear ? Help... Don't run Last Tango of Paris What are you doing? Let go of me Help Let go of me Let go... What are you doing? I'm getting sick Let go Stand still ... Help You aren't going anywhere Stand still ... Come here It's a disaster Same here It's not going well at all I look like a horny man We must have swapped the envelopes, oh no Take this Take this That's what happened What now, Funnybone? Don't worry, we'll start again Miss Lin, I love you Now you're talking Miss Chen, I'm sorry I acted like that out of love Miss Chen, I love you I want to cherish you You're precious Miss Chen, you are my life You are my soul Really? Yes Cousin, don't run Poor me You should listen to me I love you every day I love you 365 years I can't stand it for just one day Funnybone, you have another woman It's over between us Miss Chen I love you, dear cousin Litter Bug What are you doing? What's wrong with you? Mrs. Xing, please take a look There's a fat girl... running after me Damn There's no fat woman Are you mistaken ? Which fat girl is chasing you ? Thank God ! What's the matter with you? Shouldn't you be glad if there's a woman after you? I think other men will be thrilled You have no idea My cousin is as big as a mountain And she's as heavy as an elephant If I take her as my wife It would be nice in the winter But I'll die in the summer Are you serious? Have I ever lied to you? My phone, I'll see you later Funeral home, did anyone die ? Sorry, Mr. Chin I thought it's a wrong number What? Swimming? Tomorrow? What time? Sure, I'll come with Potato tomorrow See you Wang, I want a bowl of congee No spring onions, two pieces of fried dough Sure So many roaches here Fine, I'll let you go See where you're going The roaches breed like rabbits Take it upstairs to Funnybone Yes Funnybone, your congee Leave it on the table Sure Thanks Eek... Roaches ! People don't have business spirit these days I didn't ask for a roach-congee Wang, here you go What the hell? Funnybone, you litterbug You are so inconsiderate Look Funnybone You threw rubbish out on the street I'm soaked So? You should put the rubbish in the rubbish bin You are so stupid, Potato It's the rubbish bin out the window You are a litterbug What if I am? If everyone does that... then Hong Kong will become Rubbish Central Potato, you're lucky that... I didn't throw a bottle out You think I'm the only one... who is doing this? Everyone does that Let's ask our viewers Our viewers... aren't as inconsiderate as you They won't throw rubbish on the streets This has gone bad Again? Jaws Stop running Don't catch me What are you doing? You terrible man I caught the crab for you It was kindly meant Thanks It's done, Jenny Have some soup He peed Beat him up Stinky Don't run ... What's this? Someone's changing Are you nuts? Sorry What's going on over there? I wonder Manager Chiu and his friends They got bullied Let's go help Shark ... Help, shark Help Shark They are all scared of the shark So? You're good, Funnybone That's right Thanks, kids You're welcome Let's go You're good, Funnybone Stop it I'll treat you to dinner For real? Yes Yes? Treat us to dinner When? Listen I'll treat you to a shark-fin dinner Sharks fin dinner Manager Chiu, you said a sharks fin dinner What's this? Steamed Shark? It's better than the garoupa After you've had this It's good for your health Exactly, he is right If you don't believe me Let's ask our audience They've just had fish-ball noodle outside the cinema Is that right, friends? Yes Everyone agrees Let's try it Come on Eating the shark, it's good for you Come on Cheers Let's start Let's have a drink That's more like it What's wrong, Funnybone? We're all having a good time Why are you crying? I don't want to live anymore Why not? You are all in pairs It's over between me and Miss Chen Never mind, don't cry This is a happy occasion Cheer up, Funnybone I have a plan Take a few bottles of Lysol to Miss Chen's place Propose to her. If she turns you down... drink the Lysol and jump out of her window Sorry? You want me to commit suicide? Drink coke as Lysol Just pretend you'll jump All women will buy that Really? The Proposal The Funnybone's face, Funnybone's clothes I look like a gentleman Gentleman, a perfect gentleman Funnybone's moustache, Funnybone's cap Are you alright, Funnybone? I'm fine I'm here to propose to Miss Chen Good luck, bye Bye It's here Miss Chen What are you doing here? I'm here to propose marriage to you Propose? Plastic flowers again? More economical, can recycle I love you, Miss Chen I love you, Miss Chen I love your heart, I love your lungs I love your thighs, I love your bum I love your toes You're my heater in the winter My air conditioner in summer My warm duvet My soft pillow I love you, Miss Chen I love you so much Will you marry me, Miss Chen? Oh, it's come to that ! Come here Yes? Alright When's the wedding banquet? What ? Get out of here You ... Oh, Yama... Oh, king of hell Please don't send me to hell I've always been a kind person I donate 10 cents for charity I take one step in charity walk Though I've never participated in community work Farewell, Miss Chen Although we can't be a couple at this lifetime I'm willing to be your servant in my next life Remember Miss Chen I'm 5'4" in height 4'5" in width Remember to put a color TV in my coffin And an air conditioner Also Bring Vanda Miss Joaquim Vanda Miss Joaquim? The orchid, Singapore's national flower Funnybone I don't care if you want to die It's over... My precious I'll see you in my next life time Cheers Wait, if you want to die quickly ... What ? It's not enough just by drinking Lysol Pesticides, dish washing liquid Bleach, DDT Then you're on your way Miss Chen How can you be so cold? Do you want me to call the emergency line? Send for an ambulance? You are terrible ... You are heartless You are the ice princess I'll die now Heartless I'll show you It's high up here Yes, I promise you I don't believe you I mean it Really? Yes Help Help Help Pull me up Come on More strength Get up here Coming Get up here Give it all you've got Jeez, so high ! Stealing the Groom Please have a seat Please have a seat Let's have a drink Congratulations, Funnybone I think I'll take credit for this Do you agree? Stop it Ladies and gentlemen ... Let us get the groom Funnybone will tell us about... his love story with Miss Chen What do you say? Yes Yes or no? Funnybone, come on Thanks everyone Dear guests With such an applause Today ...today Winds coming in from all directions What's with him? With occasional showers Temperature of 66 degrees outside And 99 degrees indoors What's that got to do with the weather? According to the Hong Kong Observatory Typhoon Princess is reaching Hong Kong soon Here's the typhoon Who are they? That's my cousin Cousin? The more the merrier Funnybone, introduce her to me No, I'm afraid I want to, please No ... What are you doing here, fat cow? To steal your groom Steal Funnybone? So? What? Step aside Find Funnybone Cousin Help Don't be so mean, cousin You're marrying her? No way Come with me Marry me Go Help Spare me My pants Let me hide first Damn it I'm fine Stop it It's messier than the United Nations Dear audience, goodbye, we'll see you next time Funnybone, that hurts. Wait for me A Merry Time I have a good laugh You have a good laugh Let's all have a good laugh Lighten up if you're angry Laugh more and you'll live longer Funnybone is smart So is Big Potato We bring you laughter Clap and hold hands Laugh more and you'll live longer We'll resolve more issues next time 我老夫子個樣，我老夫子個相 成個紳士咁個裝 紳士裝，紳士裝 老夫子的鬚，老夫子的帽 望見都開心好笑，認真輕鬆 老夫子個裝，我大蕃薯個樣 大眾都識得古怪裝 古怪裝，古怪裝 似冬瓜個身，有如三寸釘 重有三根黑髮豎係頭上 老夫子、大蕃薯 大家拍硬檔 係有你，就有我 一啤真正爽 笑哈哈，笑哈哈 大家咪亂想 你有弊啽睇開點啦 憂多會變呆 最憎今個款 我最憎咁個樣 又跌手巾一塊賴在路旁上 大蕃薯，有沒有搞錯？ 甚麼事呀？ 睡覺都放屁呀你 豈有此理，又放屁，算我怕你了… 臭豆腐 真香 香是香，不夠料呀 辣椒，辣椒醬 加點辣椒醬 真香，又夠辣 老夫子，你幹嘛咬我的腳趾頭？ 我剛才做夢在吃臭豆腐 你把我的腳趾頭當臭豆腐呀 還抹了辣椒醬呀 你快給我擦乾淨，我不幹… 妹妹，我真喜歡你 你是我的心肝，我真愛你 你想死呀？ 把我的腳咬得那麼疼 我夢見肥妞，我跟她親熱一下嘛 你真是神經病，睡覺還想著我表妹 六點半了 起來了，天亮了 老夫子，你開窗幹甚麼？ 照著我怎麼睡？ 夠時間了 大蕃薯，夠時間了 起來做晨運吧，還睡 運…運個屁，你自己去運吧 我還要睡覺呢 豈有此理 等我用那個紫外光 幫你治好那個香港腳 包你好過那個腳癬靈 疼死我了 龍 龍 虎 鶴 鶴 蛇 不是這樣的，看好了 看見沒有？這樣的 這樣 肩膀 還有…狗 不錯嘛 你想死呀你 你起不來，我扶你起來，我扶你 小姐，怕甚麼醜呀？ 你那麼大膽的，調戲女人？ 關你屁事呀 蛇 鶴 虎 你還有膽子，過來呀 居然出狗招 這一招是你爸爸我老夫子發明的 我怕…別咬了…我怕 快走，快點走 這個人打匪主意 差點給他剝光了 大蕃薯，這個四眼的就一點點大 我們來嚇唬嚇唬他 過癮呀 快給錢 老兄，我給，千萬別開洞 給了 你呢？ 老兄，他不是給你了嗎？我沒錢呀 謝謝了 別出聲 你怎麼那麼隨便就給他了？ 老夫子 你給人家搶了兩百塊錢，你還在笑 那些是拍戲的道具鈔票 兩位朋友為甚麼那麼高興？ 我笑… 我笑那個箍頸黨搶了我們的錢 你說甚麼？ 搶了你的錢還那麼高興？ 你不知道 老夫子給他搶的那兩百塊 是拍戲用的道具來的 所以那麼好笑 道具鈔票 真的 那當然了 你看看，我這兒還有一疊 你看看… 好像真的一樣，還給你 那麼真的鈔票放在甚麼地方？ 我的真鈔票當然是藏在帽子 別動 把頭給我伸過來 給我拿著槍 這才是真的，謝謝 老夫子，你怎麼那麼糊塗？ 你的錢放在帽子裡面你也說給人聽 我怎麼知道他是… 朋友，拿你那一支砰砰… 老夫子，你快開槍打他 頂多判可原諒殺人 對了 站住，砰…砰… 原來是支水槍 哪兒跑？你跑不了 真開心 表哥 原來是你 寶貝，我愛死你了 你愛我？我怕你 我愛死你 放開我 娶我好不好？ 不好… 我愛你，表哥… 救命呀，放開我 表哥，娶我，算我求求你，表哥 你拉住我幹甚麼？ 我喜歡你 我都說了我不喜歡你，真是 表哥 三寸釘，誰要嫁給你，討厭死了 表哥 你要去哪兒嘛？ 表哥 去哪兒？ 放開我 表哥 表哥…你上哪兒去了？ 你真是個負心的人 肥妹 肥妹，你在哪兒？ 大蕃薯 你怎麼躲在垃圾桶裡面 走了沒有？ 我找不著她 阿彌陀佛 老夫子，你把她介紹給我認識吧 求之不得了，下次我給你介紹 一定呀，謝謝 都很守次序嘛 來了… 等等我 等等我 站起來 給大哥坐 戴頂小帽挺新潮呀 別擠呀 老兄，排隊上車呀 我們上車還排隊呀 你們上車不用排隊的呀？ 去… 我們下車，你還擋道 等等我 等等，等等我 甚麼理由嘛，你沒看見站在那邊 怎麼搞的？ 你沒看見站在那邊嘛，你們幹甚麼 喂…你沒看見站在那邊嘛 你怎麼可以在這裡停車呢？ 豈有此理的 我…我還沒上車嘛 還有…我還沒上車你怎麼關門了 等等 車來了 別擠… 你以為我搭不到車呀 我老夫子有辦法的 老傢伙，不付款搭車看你敢不敢 怎麼樣？沒事吧 要不要我跟你打電話叫救護車？ 你的膽子可真夠大呀 這麼多的車你都不撞 偏偏撞我們警察的車 你沒看見前面是紅燈呀，瞎子呀 對不起 拿執照出來我看看 是 你也有今天哪，兄弟 以後對我們搭車的要客氣一點 你也有今天 到上班的時間了 早… 先生，這電梯是上五樓的嗎？ 是呀… 五樓 等一等，阿婆先上，阿婆先上 勾住了，我幫你拿出來 想揩油呀你，缺德 不是呀 滾 我拿東西嘛 看你下次敢不敢 趙經理 老夫子，你又遲到了十五分鐘了 趙經理，是十四分五十九秒九 如果你再遲到的話… 我滾蛋 你滾蛋，那麼這一次呢？ 照舊吧 還不快去 老夫子，你搞甚麼？我還沒撒完呢 老夫子，看著點嘛 老夫子 老夫子 甚麼事？ 你不要做所長了，趙經理叫你去呢 老夫子，過來… 甚麼事呀？ 你看看 這筆帳你是怎麼算的？ 你自己看看吧 你怎麼一身騷臭味兒？ 一定又讓趙經理罰去洗廁所了 是不是呀？ 好臭 香水 真香呀 誰翻過我的東西？ 真香，臭臭全沒了 老夫子 陳小姐 你又亂拿我的東西了 下次你再拿，我就拉你去警察局 還給我 還給我嘛 拿呀 還給我嘛 還給我 還給你啦，你自己拿吧 真拿你沒辦法 陳小姐，何必發那麼大脾氣呢 今天晚上我請你看戲 我沒有空 明天晚上？ 也沒有空 那後天晚上？ 更沒有空 陳小姐 請你過來一下 幫我把這個打兩份 還有這個，打一份就可以了 好，我幫你打 謝謝 真不小心 陳小姐，有沒有跌疼你的八月十五 還不快過來扶我 對不起，我好心端張椅子給你 怎麼知道你又… 你幹甚麼？ 該死… 真該死 該打 該打 陳小姐，怎麼你的手都是煙味 經理… 經理，你要不要喝杯茶？ 快… 放手呀 經理，本來我想給你拿杯茶的 怎麼會知道，人有失手的時候 是誰把老鼠夾子放在這兒的？ 是我，經理 我開除你 經理，你千萬不要開除我 我家裡有一個老母、兩個爸爸 三個老婆、四個妾室 還有五個兒子、五個女兒 千萬不要開除我呀，經理 經理，您就大發慈悲原諒他一次吧 快點走開 經理，這包東西是不是您的？ 老夫子，你給我送到山本公司經理 吉村富浪那兒 吉村富浪？ 是呀 是甚麼人？ 他是日本人 搞甚麼鬼？ 原來這門是拉的 好稀奇呀 你以為每扇門都是推的嗎？ 不稀奇…是拉的 你找誰呀？ 找經理 在裡面 喂，他出去了 你猜這個門，是推的還是拉的？ 對了，沒錯 你跟我都錯了 經理，趙經理叫我交給您的 那麼年輕就做經理了 你弄錯了 我不是經理，經理在裡面 謝謝 小姐，這扇門是推的還是拉的？ 拉的，神經病 這次不會錯了，是拉的 甚麼事？ 我是你爸爸 謝謝 嗨，多毛 謝謝 嗨，多毛 嗨，多毛 謝謝 嗨，多毛 謝謝 嗨，多毛 謝謝 嗨，多毛 謝謝 嗨，多毛 謝謝 嗨，多毛 不要臉，你才多毛 那日本人說的 我的熱情好像一把火 燃燒了整個沙漠 有鬼呀，救命呀 有鬼，救命呀 有鬼，救命 見鬼了你，老夫子 你差點嚇死我 我…我真的碰到鬼了 真是神經病 光天化日的，怎麼會有鬼呀？ 我告訴你，你都不信哪？ 你總有一天會碰到鬼的 才不聽你的鬼話 有鬼呀 我的熱情好像一把火 幹甚麼？ 陳小姐，我要借你的筆用一下 好，我拿給你 謝謝 謝謝 拜拜，謝謝，拜拜… 經理 拜拜 拜你個頭 我出錢找你做事 還是找你來跳舞的？ 還不做事？ 是 陳小姐，請你進來一下我有事找你 老夫子，陳小姐這一次有麻煩了 老夫子，陳小姐這一進去 骨子都沒了 陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你 我想請你吃晚飯，不知道… 誰呀？ 老夫子 趙經理，有重要文件請您簽字 你別害怕 拿去 還有 別慌，有我在這兒你甚麼都不怕 還有… 還有 通通放在這兒，出去 是，趙經理 對了 陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你 我想請你吃晚飯 吃完晚飯去跳舞 跳完舞之後，我們去宵夜 宵完了夜之後… 趙經理，不得了，事情大了 水務局要您交水費 電話公司要您交電話費 三溫暖要您交洗澡費 快點滾出去 繼續寫吧 陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你 我想請你去吃晚飯 吃完晚飯去跳舞 跳完了舞，我們去宵夜 宵夜？ 宵完了夜之後 我們直接去夜明珠別墅 擦得亮，更潔白，省水又省力 請用月老牌，對不起呀 清清洗衣粉 擦亮一點 擦得亮，更潔白，省水又省力 你快點給我滾出去 你這個死老夫子 白送給我，我都不要 真讓你給氣死 經理，您現在那麼忙 不如等一會再寫 沒事…來… 繼續 陳小姐，我… 非常之仰慕你 對… 陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你 我想請你去吃晚飯 吃完了晚飯去跳舞… 你想拆房呀？ 經理，我怎麼也推不開這個門 我想一定是鎖壞了 我又怕你們兩個在裡面 有甚麼三長兩短的 我想打開這把鎖看看 看你的頭 老夫子，誰叫你八字長得不好 跟經理爭妞，不用說一定是你輸的 我的命根 對不起…我不是有心的 老夫子，你怎麼搞的嘛 你也是，你自己怎麼不看著點呢 謝謝您，走開點，好危險的 對不起… 老夫子，你失戀 你也不要撞我的八月十五嘛 我以為它…它去那邊了 誰知道它往這邊來了 實在對不起 真是的 甚麼都不對了，真是 老夫子，你怎麼回事？我的腳 你又來？別搞我 我跟你又沒有仇 你害得我真苦 怎麼回事？ 一定是上面丟下來的 你這個王八蛋，想謀殺呀？ 要是給我捉住了，準饒不了你 哪那麼容易捉到我？ 真熱 涼快涼快 幹甚麼？ 老夫子 關上，快關上 老夫子，你要吹風別吹到我這兒來 老夫子，快點關了它 關 你打我幹甚麼？又不是我叫他… 老夫子 不是我，兩位老兄，放了我 你這個死鬼 故意拿把風扇來吹我的裙子 看我饒不饒得了你，我打… 我不是有心的，饒了我… 饒命呀… 豈有此理 對不起，我不是有心的 好，你淋我 對不起 有仇不報非君子 有仇的報仇，有怨的報怨 七彩雞尾酒讓他嚐嚐 陳小姐，你沒事吧？ 我沒事 不要吵 給你 還給你 這是你的 是誰帶的頭？ 是他…老夫子 不是我 是他 不是我 我早知道是你，馬上開除 你不敢把我開除的 為甚麼？ 因為我會告訴給那個母老虎知道 說甚麼？ 說甚麼，你聽著 你昨天晚上跟一個小姐去夜明珠 睡電動圓床 你怎麼知道？ 趙經理，你那一套 我怎麼會不知道呢？ 告訴你，蒼蠅飛過來 我都知道牠是公的還是母的 你信不信？ 我不信，你不敢告訴我老婆聽 我呀…我已經告訴給她了 你用不著嚇唬我 我不是嚇唬你，她已經來了 來了 老趙，過來幫我的忙呀 你看看掉得滿地的東西 怎麼真的來了？ 老婆大人 快點過來 這就來了 你怎麼這時候會來的？ 我這個時候不能來嗎？ 你這個死鬼 我特地來查看你，看你有沒有走私 老夫子 在 他有沒有跟外頭那個女秘書 動手動腳的，亂搞一通？ 說給我聽聽 他呀，我告訴您哪 講呀 他跟那女秘書… 我給你加六百塊 太少了嘛 快點講呀 加多一千塊 這還差不多 他跟那個女秘書陳小姐上街去了 你說甚麼？ 我說錯了 是我們三個人碰到箍頸黨 好在我老夫子有幾下拳腳 三拳兩腳的 解決了 是呀，老夫子的功夫可真夠厲害 來…抽雪茄，坐… 老夫子，我明天給你升職 我想起來了，我的錢用光了 待會我要上街買東西 把支票簿給我 是… 大人 把這些東西給我帶回去 是 老夫子 在 你幫我看住他 如果他有甚麼亂來的事 馬上打電話給我 我幫您看著他，他不敢亂來 拜拜 趙經理 剛才你加了一千塊錢薪水給我 打算讓我幹甚麼？ 幹甚麼？打算叫你滾蛋 我慘了，鬆手… 我好像有樣東西忘了拿了 是甚麼呢？ 手袋，對了，沒錯 老夫子，我升你做副經理 副的？ 我每年給你十四個月的薪水 這還可以，好了，我考慮一下 原來在這兒呢，瞧我這記性 老頭子，今晚到理髮館去接我 是，拜拜 好了，我就答應你吧 不過我有附帶條件 我要陳小姐做我的秘書 好神氣 甚麼事？ 老夫子，你收拾東西幹甚麼？ 我看你是被開除了 你猜錯了，我沒開除，升官了 升做副經理 真的？ 現在他讓我進去一塊兒享受冷氣呢 真的假的？ 陳小姐，我現在做了副經理了 請你喝茶，好嗎？ 一會在兵頭花園見面，可記得來呀 誰要是想加薪水就找我老夫子好了 老夫子，怎麼回事？ 怎麼了？ 老夫子，你沒事吧？ 這次連副經理都做不成了 不但做不成了，頭都腫了 大蕃薯，這兒有位子 有位子，真的？ 秦先生，那邊有位子 有位子呀？ 有位子呀… 這個人真好 坐… 我們運氣真好 夥計，快幫忙把這兒收拾一下 是呀… 夥計，收呀 不能收，這張檯子的客人還沒付帳 還沒付帳？ 沒走，進廁所了 對了，不用慌，我有辦法 這樣搞？ 好呀… 這個人真是不小心 你怎麼著火了，那麼不小心 先生，幾點鐘了？ 兩點 兩點，該上班了 Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti 這回有桌子了 沒有椅子 自己去找呀 我說我在這兒霸住這張桌子 你們去找嘛 好，我們去找 我也去找 有椅子了 我也找到椅子了 這回又有桌子又有椅子了 我說我們該叫東西吃了吧 叉燒包 小姐，過來… 凡是能夠吃的都拿過來 是呀 還有… 沒茶怎麼吃？ 湊和嘛 你們把我叫出來喝茶到底有甚麼事 我跟林小姐的事你知道了 每次見面就像老鼠咬烏龜 不知道怎麼下手 大蕃薯，我跟陳小姐也是這樣的 幫我們想個辦法嘛 本山人給你們每人一個錦囊妙計 你的 你的 別打開，天機不可洩漏 到時候打開了，依計行事 包你們成功 鐵觀音 來… 多喝一點 我的 多喝一杯 不喝了…夥計，算帳了 老闆，一共十二塊五 十塊 兩塊 五毛 沒錢學人喝甚麼茶？ 怎麼？這不是錢哪？ 怎麼了？ 算了…我們走了 真丟人 陳小姐 我來了 你怎麼搞的？ 你怎麼也可以約林小姐 到這個地方來？ 你能約，我不能約呀？ 這次就算了，下次可不行 來… 依計行事，大家照做 林小姐，我們到那邊去 身材不錯嘛 陳小姐 你眼巴巴的看著林小姐幹甚麼？ 你是等她還是等我？ 當然是等你了 陳小姐，我們到那邊去 陳小姐，我有一件事想跟你講 我想了好久了 你有甚麼事就講吧 這件事…我不好意思講出來 有甚麼不好意思嘛 這兒就我們兩個人，你有事就講吧 好，那你就先收下我這三朵花吧 怎麼是塑膠花呀？ 塑膠花不會凋謝的 它代表我們的愛情 就跟這三朵花一樣 陳小姐 這件事講出來我怕你不答應 不會的，我們是好朋友嘛 那我就有勇氣講了 我呀…我… 我…你到底想講甚麼嘛 我不好意思講出來，怪難為情的 我說過沒關係，我一定會答應你 那我就講了 陳小姐，我想你… 我想跟你… 我想跟你借…我想跟你借… 借…借兩百塊繳房租 老夫子，你約我出來 就想借兩百塊錢交租呀 我給開除了，你是知道的 下個月我就沒有錢交房租了 拿去 陳小姐，你別走得那麼快 你都沒話講了，我不走幹甚麼 陳小姐，我真的有話要跟你說 你別發火，陳小姐 陳小姐，我真的有話要跟你說呀 陳小姐，我們這邊談談 好性感 我的熱情好像一把火 燃燒了整個沙漠 我的熱情好像一把火 燃燒了整個沙漠 小生有禮 陳小姐…你等等我 陳小姐，你別走 拜拜…陳小姐… 陳小姐，別發火 陳小姐，你就嫁給我吧 我有第三期的肺癆 你還有膽量向我求婚？ 不要緊的 我有第四期的痲瘋 咱們這是以毒攻毒 等一下 法國式的接吻 法國式的接吻 法國人來了 老夫子，你瘋了你，幹甚麼？ 法國式的接吻那麼刺激的？ 我都受不了啦 默默含情 林小姐，你看看我嘛 你有神經病，擠眉弄眼的 你以為我是林青霞是不是？ 死傢伙，過來一點嘛 你這個木頭，裝出假正經 林小姐，我愛你入骨 林小姐，我愛你入肺 那你還不親我，我打得你七葷八素 我媽說年紀輕不能接吻 去你媽的 老夫子，你今天見鬼了，那麼下流 我不理你了 陳小姐，等等我 中國功夫 龍爭虎鬥 猛龍過江 愛情長跑 各就各位，預備 幹甚麼？誰跟你跑？ 你一個人跑吧 林小姐，走吧 你幹甚麼？放開我 你幹甚麼？ 林小姐，我吻你入肉一寸 我吻你入骨二寸 我吻你入心三寸 你這個混蛋，見你的鬼 你以為你是鄧光榮呀 我踢你下三寸 先斬後奏 我說小姐，蠻性感的嘛 老夫子，你拿把刀幹甚麼？ 別動… 快點跟我到那邊公共廁所去 幹甚麼？ 你以為要你去小便哪，走 要是你不走 我就白刀子進去紅刀子出來 聽見了沒有？ 救命呀… 別跑，你跑不了 巴黎最後探戈 你要幹甚麼？ 你放手呀 救命呀 你放手，放手呀 放手呀… 你幹甚麼？ 我都快散了 你放手 站住… 救命呀 站住，你跑不了 站住 你過來 我碰了個大釘子 林小姐她不吃我這一套 是呀，我也碰了大釘子了 大蕃薯弄得我像個色狼一樣 一定是錦囊妙計調錯了，糟了 收起來 收好 一點都沒錯，真是調錯了 老夫子，這怎麼辦哪？ 不用怕，從頭再來過 林小姐，我愛你 對了，這樣才對嘛 陳小姐，我知道錯了 我這樣做無非是為了愛你 陳小姐，我愛你入肉一尺 我愛你入骨兩尺 我愛你入心三尺 陳小姐，你是我的生命 你是我的靈魂 真的？ 真的 表哥，你不要再走 我這下可慘了 我不讓你走，心肝，你聽我講嘛 我愛你三百六十五天 我追你三百六十五年 你愛我一天我都受不了 老夫子，原來你還有第二個女人 從現在開始，我們一刀兩斷 陳小姐… 表哥，我愛你嘛 垃圾蟲 老夫子，你幹甚麼？ 老夫子，你搞甚麼呀？ 成嫂，謝謝你幫我看看 後面有一個胖女人 她…追得我沒命了 活見鬼 老夫子，哪有個胖女人哪 老夫子，你是不是眼花 哪有胖女人追你呀？ 阿彌陀佛 老夫子，你怎麼了？ 有女人追你還不好？ 人家想有女人追都沒有 成嫂，你不知道啊 我的那個表妹像一座獅子山那麼大 像一隻大笨象那麼重呀 如果我要娶她做老婆 冬天還不錯 如果要是到了夏天，我還有命嗎？ 是不是真的？ 我甚麼時候騙過你 我們家電話響了，回頭見 殯儀館，家裡死人了？ 秦先生，對不起 我還以為是人家搭錯線了呢 甚麼？游水？ 明天，幾點鐘？ 好…明天我跟大蕃薯一塊兒來 就這樣 老王，給我來碗粥吧 不要蔥，順便帶兩根油條上來 好，知道了 住舊樓就那麼麻煩，那麼多蟑螂 走，讓你走 看你往哪兒走 現在的蟑螂生仔跟人一樣快 拿上去給老夫子 好 老夫子，你要的粥來了，趁熱吃吧 放在桌上吧 好 謝謝你呀 蟑螂 現在的人做生意真是沒有公德心 我要碗粥，可這個粥變成蟑螂粥了 老王，還給你 你這個死老夫子真見鬼，亂倒 死老夫子，你這個垃圾蟲 一點公德心都沒有 老夫子，你看看 你亂扔東西到街上 你看弄得我由頭溼到腳 那又怎麼樣？ 你應該把垃圾扔進垃圾桶裡面 大蕃薯，你真是蠢 外面就是垃圾桶，怎麼扔都行 老夫子，你這樣就變做垃圾蟲了 是又怎麼樣？ 如果人人學你這樣，扔垃圾到街上 香港變成臭港了 大蕃薯，我不扔汽水瓶到街上 就算你運氣了 你以為就我老夫子 一個人扔垃圾的嗎？ 人人都那麼扔的 你不信，你問問人家觀眾 人家那些觀眾 不像你那麼沒有公德心 亂扔東西到街上 隔夜的 你怎麼又扔？ 別跑 不是我，別抓我 死胖子，幹甚麼？ 見鬼了你，老色狼 我幫你抓螃蟹呀 真是好心沒有好報 謝謝 珍妮，快來呀 烹好了，來喝湯 這小子撒尿 揍他 很臭 別跑… 這是甚麼東西？ 有人換褲子 神經病呀你 對不起 那邊那麼吵，幹甚麼呀？ 是呀 好像是趙經理跟他的朋友 他們給阿飛被欺負 那我們應該去幫忙 大白鯊… 救命呀，大白鯊來了，救命呀 救命呀 大白鯊 有這條大白鯊那些飛仔跑都來不及 怎麼樣？ 老夫子，你真行呀 就是 小朋友，謝謝你們 別客氣 走了 老夫子，你真有辦法，真行呀 不要這樣嘛 我請你們去吃飯 是不是真的？ 真的 真的？ 甚麼，請我們吃飯哪 真的，甚麼時候？ 你們大家聽著 我請你們去吃紅燒雞鮑翅 趙經理，你說紅燒雞鮑翅 怎麼來了個清蒸小白鯊的？ 吃鯊魚肉好過吃老鼠斑可太多了 我包你們吃了以後 養顏潤肺，滋陰補腎 沒錯了，趙經理說的一點也沒錯 如果你們不信的話 請問問剛才在戲院門口 吃魚蛋粉的觀眾呀 各位朋友，是不是呀？ 是呀 各位朋友都說是的 我們大家也嚐嚐 來… 吃鯊魚肉，滋陰補腎 來 來…我敬你 不要客氣 來，我們喝杯酒 這樣才像話 老夫子，你怎麼了？ 大家好好的，你哭甚麼呢？ 你哭甚麼嘛？ 我…我不想做人了 為甚麼不想做人哪？ 你看你們大家都是一對對挺高興的 我跟陳小姐吹了 老夫子，算了…不要哭了 大家很高興的聚在一起，你哭幹嘛 老夫子，你不用那麼傷心嘛 我跟你想個辦法 你去買幾瓶拉蘇，去陳小姐家 去向她求婚，如果她不肯答應你呢 你就喝拉蘇，跳樓自殺 你說甚麼？ 你要我喝拉蘇，還要我去跳樓？ 可口可樂可以當拉蘇嘛 跳樓？只不過是做做樣子 女人是最吃這一套的，包你成功 真的？ 我老夫子個樣，我老夫子個相 成個紳士咁個裝 紳士裝，紳士裝 老夫子的鬚，老夫子的帽 老夫子，你有毛病呀？ 我沒毛病呀 我是來向陳小姐求婚的 那祝你成功，拜拜 拜拜 是這兒了 陳小姐 你又來幹甚麼？ 我向你求婚哪 求婚？又用塑膠花呀？ 經濟點，下次還可以再用 陳小姐，我愛你 陳小姐，我愛你 我愛你的心，我愛你的肺 我愛你的大腿，我愛你的臀部 我更加愛你的大腳趾頭 陳小姐，你是我冬天的電暖爐 夏天的冷氣機 睡覺時的大棉被 床上的軟枕頭 陳小姐，我愛你… 我愛你渾身發癢癢 陳小姐，你答應嫁給我吧 這樣嘛 來呀 你答應我了？ 行了 那我們甚麼時候請客呀？ 請客？你給我滾 你… 閻王爺，閻王爺 千萬不要打我下地獄 善事人人做，我做得最多 公益金我捐一毛 百萬行我行一步 東華三院慈善金我一分都不出 陳小姐，永別了 今生今世無法做夫妻 來生做牛做馬我願意伺候你 陳小姐，你記住 老夫子身高五尺四 打橫四尺五，睡得舒服極 你記得棺材上裝個彩色電視機 還要加冷氣 陳小姐，你記住 清明拜祖記得插胡姬，插胡姬 胡姬？甚麼叫胡姬？ 胡姬花，新加坡的國花呀 老夫子，老夫子 你講甚麼我不知，你死是你的事 甚麼都完了，甚麼都完了 我的心肝，我的寶貝 我的肚臍眼，來世再見了 乾杯 等一下，想死得快，等一下… 甚麼話？ 老夫子，光是喝拉蘇是不夠的 加點殺蟲水，加點洗潔精 加點漂白水，再加點DDT 這樣你就拿定出世紙了 這…陳小姐 你怎麼可以那麼絕情呢 老夫子，要不要我幫你打九九九 叫好救護車等你呀？ 你真是黑心呀，你真是… 你真是無情呀 你這個負心的人 我這次真是死給你看了 負心的人，負心的人 我死給你看 那麼高的？ 我答應你了 我不信，你老是騙我 我這次絕不會騙你的 真的？ 行了 救命呀，快來救命呀 救命呀，快點…快點來呀 救命呀 你快拉著我，拉著我 快點，用力爬 用力呀 爬上來 來… 上來了 用力 那麼高 請坐… 這邊請坐 各位，咱們喝一杯 恭喜你呀，老夫子 老夫子能成功全靠我呀 是不是？ 不要這樣嘛 各位…請大家靜一靜 現在我們就請新郎哥 向大家介紹一下 他跟陳小姐的這個…戀愛史 你們說好不好？ 好… 好不好？ 老夫子，起來 謝謝各位，謝謝各位 謝謝各位來賓 這麼熱烈的掌聲和捧場 今天嘛…今天就是今天 今天天氣吹東南西北風 老夫子可真是的 偶有陣雨 這個室外溫度是六十六度 室內溫度是九十九度 結婚跟天氣有甚麼關係？ 根據天文臺的報告 颱風貴妃小姐就來吹襲本港了 颱風來了 老夫子，這麼多胖子是誰呀？ 全都是我表妹 表妹？ 肥妹越多越好，炒菜不要用豬油 老夫子，你把她給介紹給我 不行呀，我害怕 我要呀，我要 不… 死肥婆，你來幹甚麼？ 我來搶老公 搶老夫子？ 怎麼樣？ 甚麼？ 別擋著我，走開 快給我找老夫子 表哥 慘了，饒命 表哥，你這麼狠心 跟別人結婚不理我了，我不答應 快跟我回去 走，跟我結婚 走 饒命呀，快放了我 饒命，我不回去 不見了，沒褲子穿了 還是先躲起來吧 豈有此理 沒事 肥妹，不要嘛，肥妹 裡面比聯合國還亂 各位觀眾，我們下次再見了，拜拜 我的老二，老夫子，有你就有我 我已開笑口 你已開笑口 大笑一餐包無憂 有邊一個嬲，睇開些咪嬲 大笑一餐包你特別長壽 老夫子夠精 大蕃薯夠醒 望下都開心包無憂 兩家都拍手，兩家拖下手 大笑一餐包你特別長壽 下回分解 [音樂] [音樂] 我老夫子 [音樂] [音樂] [音樂] 老夫之個鐘大眾都識得古怪裝置冬瓜 [音樂] [音樂] [音樂] [掌聲] [音樂] [掌聲] [音樂] 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