Original subtitles

You have reached Jason Armstrong, creator of Astra.

Jason cannot come to the phone right now as he's in another dimension.

Leave your number and he will call you back.

Look, you jackass, pick up the phone right now.

The art director is screaming in my ear, and if that's not enough, everyone in

tight setting is just sitting there.

I know you can hear me. Pick up the phone right now or I'll...

Lesbo.

Are you listening to me? When I'm through with you, you won't even be able

get a job drawing talking pantyhose. Yes, ma 'am.

Well, it's about time.

I told you last week I wanted a female character in your strip.

All you've managed to do is get that photographer of yours laid every other

panel. Jason, my back's against the wall.

This is a couple's magazine.

We have a certain responsibility to our readers.

I know this puts you under a lot of stress.

Just get me something by five or, well... I'm finishing it up now.

What do you say we hear some music?

Let's get to work.

And the soft drinks for free. And we're going to have tickets to give away in

just a minute.

News is coming up half past the hour.

By the way, this human interest story just came in on the AB Wire service.

Newlywed couples, it says, average between two and five sexual encounters

the first 24 hours of marriage.

I wonder if there's going to be film on that at 11. I don't know.

Now, let's get back to some great sounds here.

Not yet.

Thank God for training wheels.

Honey, did we buy two houses?

No, Jack.

Let me look pretty.

Yeah.

Honey, I have to blow my nose.

Now, I'm not kidding. I did say that if we had sex all the time, they won't

think of a date. And we're adversely going to ruin our sex life.

where the bed should be. Well, no, there isn't a bed here. Come on.

Fuck me. Oh, well, then go home, then.

Fuck me.

Now, you take his bed off. I'll take mine.

Let me catch up, honey. Let me catch up.

Oh, good dear.

Dear, what's in the back?

I believe in you.

Here you go. Please, no one needs to leave.

I don't know if it's really fair to fight with ladies.

Oh, Jack.

Yeah, baby.

Have you ever heard the term come bucket?

It's a bell.

You just did.

Come bucket.

Come bucket to shine.

Oh, yeah.

I want to see how much you gain.

Oh, my God.

What do you want? I don't want my thumb.

I got it on my leg.

No.

I'll be back at you.

Can I kiss you?

Deadlines, deadlines.

Where would it be without deadlines?

Probably without a job.

Astra.

Well, I've managed to save you from the barracuda this time, haven't I?

Astra.

Astra.

Why can't I ever find a woman like you?

Jason.

Astra.

Astra. Astra. Astra. Astra. Jason.

Astro. Astro. Astro. Astro. Astro. Astro. Astro. Astro. Astro.

Astro. Astro. Astro. Astro.

Astro. Astro.

Astro.

Astro.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Thank you.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Lester, Lester, Lester.

Irene, Irene, Irene, Irene.

No! No!

It's Nielsen here. Good news. I've just signed a new distribution deal that's

putting us into 11 foreign markets.

Can you handle one strip a week?

Well, uh... We're going under the counter in Germany. Isn't that great?

So really spice it up. Whips, chains, you know.

Oh, wonderful. I suppose you want me to do a leather wedding now. I knew I could

count on you.

Oh, and we needed that yesterday.

Ask your baby.

Are you warm?

Yes.

I've been waiting for you. Okay, okay, fine. There'll be plenty of time for

-playing after the ceremony.

Okay, come on.

Let's begin.

Over here, please, Brian and Drew. Mr. Mann, over here.

Hi, do nice.

Lovely. Lovely couple.

Okay.

We're ready now.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here Join together this worm and this woman,

sacred bond of matrimony.

Do you, Dee Dee, take Wes Pierce to dominate, subrogate, and fornicate

from this day forward? In bondage, in pain, to handcuff, to

hold, in sickness and perversity, except on ultimate

Thursdays.

as long as you both shall live.

Yes, I will. Thank you.

And you, Wes, take Didi Sharp with gratitude,

servitude, and no attitude from this day forward in discipline and

bondage, paddling or in spanking, as mass or slave, except on

often Thursdays, which is swing time in the Red Room.

Excuse me.

As long as you both shall live.

Yes, yes.

Do you have the ring?

that I'm a big one.

I now pronounce you master.

You may pick the bride.

Oh, no.

It's Thursday.

Right one.

Right one.

Hmm,

I guess it's Easter.

Huh? What now?

Here, come. There, you have money. Come on.

When we have business tomorrow, no whip, no chain, no

letter, just for a change.

Hey, gee!

I always like to spend a little time alone with the bride before the wedding.

There's nothing quite like capturing that magical glow of certain

blush in the teeth.

Oh, it's right there. Yeah.

You know, I've never posed in front of a professional photographer before.

Really?

That's a matter.

Sure you haven't done this before?

How does it feel to be the richest woman in America?

You know, not every day that you need a lottery winner.

You can have everything you want.

I know.

That's why I wanted to get married.

That's all that there was?

No.

Like what?

Like...

Oh. Oh.

I love you.

Oh, yes.

You are free.

Yeah? Jason, it's Mick.

We have a black girl in as the centerfold this month. See if you can

Oh, and what about that new character you've been promising me? What do you

mean? I thought everything was fine.

I thought I was doing a good job.

I think maybe Jake, the photographer, needs a love interest or something.

You know, cut the macho crap.

We're losing our women readers.

Well, you do want the black girl first, don't you?

And I want to see the new girl by next week.

Ball buster.

Man can't even take a bubble bath.

Sorry, Jake.

Better luck next time.

Artists should never fucking draw in a bathtub.

Lesson number one.

That's right match, you know what they say you got to be in it to win it it's

true After the wedding we met this great photographer.

He asked us what we wanted the most Well, we thought about it for a minute

you know what we told him

Okay, I gotta go. Oh, wow.

Okay, bye.

Thanks.

Oh, beautiful, honey.

Hey, aren't you the lady who won the lottery?

Uh -huh. Isn't it great? Yeah, it's fabulous.

Let's see. I have some money for you. Here you go.

Thanks very much. You're welcome.

Oh, honey.

It's terrific.

See, baby? I got you just what you wanted.

Oh, you always know how to surprise me.

Well,

I just hope it's enough.

Oh, you always know just what I want.

And I got something that you want, too.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

Ooh!

Ah, is it figuring a breath out?

Mm -hmm.

You liked it?

And you're there again.

Well, if I'll never guess, why don't you just tell me?

Because it's a surprise.

What do you mean it's a surprise?

You'll see.

I'm not going to tell you.

Why?

Oh, I know how to get it out of you. Oh, no.

I know how to get it out of you. No, you don't. No, you don't. Yes, I do.

No, go away. Yes, I do.

No, come on. No, stop. Come on.

Oh, shit.

Who's that?

I think I know who it is.

Call the door away.

I'll get the door, okay?

Here, pour some champagne.

Tom,

this is Tiki.

This is your surprise.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

You said you always wanted to make it with another girl.

Well, I mean, you've always said you wanted to make it with a group of

Are they out there, too?

Come on, Tom. Loosen up a little bit here.

You might as well, Tom.

I'm here to stay the night.

Thank you.

Second what?

Second what?

Yeah. Just a surprise. Just a surprise.

Uh -huh.

You'll be surprised.

Jai.

Oh, yes.

Oh God.

I can't believe it.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It's bigger than a bread box.

Well... Oh, no!

What

the

hell is happening to me?

I'm letting some pompous little bitch control the only thing that means

to me.

My creativity.

You're the closest thing to any real girl I'll ever have.

I'm not just going to give you away.

I'll think of something.

It'll be easy.

No one could ever be like you.

Oh,

no, no.

Wait a minute.

I've been working too hard.

I've definitely been working too hard.

Look, I'm not going to talk to you because I know you're not real.

I've been under a lot of stress.

I know this isn't really happening.

I think.

What's the matter, Jason?

But you're not real.

Oh, I'm just waiting for the next deadline, Jason.

This is too weird.

Is it?

Have a real good day.

Baby, you are unreal.

I worshipped you.

I looked at your pictures.

I'm not here.

I'm not here.