All language subtitles for Ghosts 04x06 The Primary Source [2024-12-05 20-31] uswcbs HQ

The host will let you in soon.

Okay. Oh, what's going on here?

Samantha and I have a Zoom meeting. Our
editor is giving us feedback.

Sorry for the industry jargon. I'm in
publishing now.

Hello? Hi, Sharon. Good to see you. Oh,
this is on camera. I just assumed it was

an audio call given Samantha's choice of
blow.

All right, let's talk about the other
founding father, the Isaac Higgintooth

story. I read the manuscript.

That means book.

And I have to tell you, I didn't like
it.

Oh, it was your fault, Samantha.

I loved it. I did it. Me.

That's amazing. I'm so excited.

Not as excited as I am. I can tell you
this now. I had to fight for this one.

usually do trashy schlock like vampire
novels.

Dreadful. And beach reads for horned up
housewives.

I'm listening.

But this.

This is a real book. In fact, I got
several interested nods from David

at a dinner party at Belsar last night.

These fancy -pants New Yorkers. Give me
a twice -baked at Tony Roma's and I'm a

happy pappy. So, what are the next
steps?

Oh, well, we're looking at a spring
launch, probably do a little book tour,

maybe some morning TV.

Oh, my God. You're going to meet Hoda.
But in the meantime, we'll need to have

one of our people verify your primary
sources.

But I'm your primary source. I was sort
of hoping that the copious notes I took

would suffice. The actual primary source
documents are incredibly old. I

wouldn't want to risk sending them.
Don't worry. We'll come to you. Our

authenticator is a pro. He will handle
them with care.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Zoom
about an erotic vampire novel called

Bitten and Smitten.

What about appliance erotica?

Is that a genre?

Could that be a genre? They shouldn't
need verification.

Everything I told you was true. Yeah,
it's shocking that they won't take a

ghost's word for it. The Maytag
Chronicles.

Writes itself.

What's Jay doing in a land ship?

Shame -eating Sonic.

Oh, he has a whole system.

He eats in his car so Sam doesn't see.

Then three pumps of spray to mask the
onion rings. Then he gets out, leaving

windows open, of course, to air out the
mint. What about the bag? She's going to

see the bag.

Oh, don't you worry about the bag. He
puts it in the outside trash bin. But

on top. Like the true sociopath he is,
he lifts the top layer of garbage,

tucking said sonic beneath.

All for naught, because we're going to
tell Sam he had fast food.

Damn it. You've got to love the effort.

Jay, look out!

What? He's about to...

Hopefully fine.

But his foot went right through it.

Oh, my God. Thor can touch it.

Does that mean that that... Yes!

Go snail!

What are we going to do?

They're going to pull the plug on the
book. I'm going to be the laughingstock

the publishing world.

Hey, babe. Just getting back from the
gym. I worked the traps and the lats.

And the tots and the onion rings. I love
this guy, but who does he think he's

kidding? Jay, we have a big problem. The
publisher wants to see our primary

source documents and is sending someone
here to verify them. But your primary

source is a ghost. And he's accurately
diagnosed the problem.

Wait a minute.

There might be a solution.

It's a long shot, but when I was alive,
I kept a diary.

Isaac says he kept a diary. Oh, good
gasp.

Where is it? I hid it at Fort
Ticonderoga, the site of my legendary

surrender to the British. I know exactly
where I bought it. This is incredible.

But there's no guarantee it's still
there. And even if it is, it could have

degraded by now.

But there's a chance. If I had listened
to that kind of naysaying, I never would

have successfully surrendered that fort,
nor led the brave retreat of Bunker

Hill. This guy was unrivaled when it
came to running away.

Thank you, Sam.

Isaac says it's at Fort Ticonderoga. I
used to go there with my pinecone troop.

Oh, the cobblestone can be uneven. It's
a little dangerous, although not as

dangerous as some of our other field
trips. Fort Ticonderoga's only like

hours away, babe. Let's go get that
diary.

I'll come. Pete's in, too. I'll drive.

Shotgun, shotgun.

Sorry, Pete called it first.

Well, I was joking. He's a ghost.

Sam, go sit in the back.

Whoa.

Ugly. Oh, a ghost animal.

It's been a while since we've had one of
those around here.

I didn't even know that was a thing.

Very rare. Most animals go right up
because hot's so pure.

He must be one bad snail. What did you
do, little guy?

I shall call you the Escargot. Oh, I get
it. Because he's a ghost and he was by

the car.

He's so cute. I think I'm going to keep
him as a pet.

Why would I be? your pet.

Maybe I want it to be my pet.

And let's not bring up the whole my son
killing you thing again. It's getting

played out.

What if we all took turns with a snail?
Like me and the other groupies did with

David Crosby, who wasn't a pet, but he
had a lot of back hair.

Count me out. I don't want him.

I honestly don't get the whole pet
thing. Pet is animals that live in your

until one day you eat.

Like Balda, my loyal and delicious goat.

How many animal friends did this guy
eat?

No, I understand what a pet is. I'm just
not interested in having one.

It's done.

Wasn't your obituary photo of you and
your dog?

That was my parents' dog, and honestly,
I wasn't that into him. You have to walk

them and pick up their crap.

That was also the downside to David
Crosby. Okay, fine. Let's just go with

Thomas, share the snail plan.

Yes, very fair. We all get turned, and
Thor promised not to eat it.

Even though snail look delicious, and
Thor not eat food in a thousand years.

See, it's that second part.

It's just not as reassuring as maybe
you're intending.

But I say not eat.

Even though Thor won't do.

Mm -mm, that second part.

Vinny? The name Ticonderoga was derived
from an Iroquois word meaning between

two waters or where the waters meet.

Just saying the whole concept of shotgun
is sort of dependent on the fact that

everyone can hear each other. You'll get
it on the way back. Stop complaining.

If he calls it first when we're headed
to the car, the rules are very simple.

Now, if you'll all follow me, I'll show
you a revolutionary Aratello candle that

still has a wick in it.

Hang back.

But the wick.

Jay, we need to find the northeast gate.
Isaac says he hid his diary under a

loose stone three paces from the end of
the wall. I feel like I'm a national

treasure. I freaking love this.

Oh, here's a ghost. I got this.

Hey, I'm Sam. Yes, I can see you. I fell
down a flight of stairs two weeks in a

coma, woke up with the ability to see
ghosts. Sam, I can see this guy. Hi.

Hey. Oh. I think he's a reenactor. You
see the Nikes? Dead giveaway.

We're looking for the northeast gate.

It's right over there. And he's got an
energy drink. That's another clue.

So, here's the end of the wall.

Okay. One, two, three. It should be
right here, unless Isaac's got really

steps. How tall is he? I don't really
know him. Try to find the loot stone.

Hurry up. The next tour is going to be
by any second. I think I found it.

Honestly, I was hoping it would be a
little bit harder, like a puzzle to

Oh, my God.

We found it.

Okay, let's go. Shotgun, shotgun.

Sorry, Jay. Oh, come on.

This is ridiculous.

Say it faster next time. You snooze, you
lose.

Uh, Jay, we have a problem.

There is absolutely nothing useful in
this diary.

What? That can't be true.

Jay?

Monday, April 4th, 1775. I had something
called a sandwich today. Apparently,

they're all the rage back in England.
Don't think they're going to catch on

here. Okay, not prescient, but no one
can say Isaac Higgins was afraid of

a bold step.

The next entry is four weeks later.

The sandwich is not growing on me. Huh,
so nothing about the war or the birth of

the nation? I swear, I wrote something
about George Washington.

Oh, you did. I saw Washington eating a
sandwich today.

He seemed to enjoy it. Damn it, Isaac.
This is all sandwich talk and mutton pie

recipes. Where's the stuff in the book,
Isaac? Where's all the stuff you told

me? This is crazy. I thought I wrote it
all down.

How do you not like a Sandy?

Did you try turkey or roast beef? Oh,
don't say roast beef in front of the

staff. His girlfriend left him to smell
Arby's. Thank you for rallying to my

defense. You know...

It's possible I was trying to limit the
revolution talk in case the British won.

You just don't want to leave a paper
trail. We literally need a paper trail.

That was the whole point of us going to
get this diary.

What's in here won't help us at all.

Yet. Ooh, Jay's cooking something up.

We have a 250 -year -old diary with
mostly blank spaces.

What if we just...

Fill in the blanks. You mean forge the
diary? That doesn't seem ethical.

What ethical?

We got the real guy here. I mean, maybe
he's here based on what you've told me

and what I've chosen to believe.

Jay's right.

It's all stuff that happened to me, and
it will be my words.

Well, to be honest about being
dishonest, hold for laughs.

I think it's a good plan. I mean, the
diary itself is already old, and that

would be the hardest part to fake. Okay,
but who's going to do all the old

-timey handwriting?

Oh, Jay's actually really good at
calligraphy. He took a class to do our

invites. Aw, thanks, babe. Anything for
you.

Jay's a wife guy.

I was a wife guy, but my wife was a
Jerry gal.

So what do you think, babe?

Are we going to rewrite history?

It looks that way.

To the inkwell.

We have fun.

Torpid!

It's my turn with the snail.

Okay, everyone, stay calm, but fall
might have lost

Escargost. Thor, did you eat the
Escargost?

No, and you must believe me. Thor will
not eat delicious -looking snail.

It's just not as persuasive as you want
it to be.

Thor, I don't think... I can be with
someone who would do something like this

one of God's creatures.

I mean, the man's probably murdered
thousands of people. Snail is where you

the line? Exactly.

Well said, Trevor.

Flower, please.

As sure as Heimdall.

God's the bifrost.

Thor, not do this.

I am buying it. This is low, even for
you. That snail was our pet, Thor. And

took him, you stole him, and you ate him
raw. Okay,

I took him. I took the Escargot. What?

You did?

He's right here.

Safe as sound.

But why did you take him?

Well, Thor was talking about eating him,
and I didn't want the little guy to get

hurt.

Look at that little pun of him. You just
said you didn't even like animals. I

was lying.

What kind of a person doesn't like
animals?

I freaking love them.

Then why did you lie?

It doesn't matter. What matters is I'm
not letting anything happen to this

little guy. And the fact that none of
you knew where he was for the past hour

just proves that he's better off with
me.

This is exactly what happened with David
Crosby. Marla got super possessive, and

then suddenly the rest of us were
fighting for Steven Stills' scraps.

It was dark, man.

All right, guys, this might be an all
-nighter. Sharon said The Authenticator

will be here in the morning.

The Authenticator? Sounds like a WWF
wrestler.

Live from Madison Square Garden, it's
Macho Man Randy Savage versus The

Authenticator! Hey, it's just very loud.

Okay, what am I writing?

Okay, let's start with Lexington and
Concord. We have a whole chapter about

in the book.

April 19, 1775.

Okay, have him write this.

As I survey the battlefield, I am aware
of the smell of gunpowder and the moans

of agony from my fallen comrades.

Okay. As I survey the battlefield, I am
aware of the smell of gunpowder and the

moans of agony of my fallen comrades.
Let's go. The authenticator will be here

soon to verify your ass.

Maybe this is why your wife is a Jerry
gal. Jay, why have you only written,

like, two words?

Calligraphy is hard. This is why
Penelope Adelman Huffnagle didn't make

for our wedding.

Ugh! What's going on up here?

We're forging Isaac's diary from the
Revolutionary War.

Oh, that sounds even more interesting
than watching the water heater. I'm in.

Now get this down. The British had us
surrounded on both sides like two slices

of red coat bread on a rebel sandwich.
And we're back on sandwiches.

And as I lay there dying, a profound
thought occurs to me.

Perhaps I should have washed my hands.

Relatable.

Relatable.

Hey, Sharon.

Yeah. I just got to the house.

I'll call you once I test the higgie
tooth materials.

Hello? And that does it.

Nicely done, Jay.

This guy's good.

That looks amazing.

I can't believe we did it. Did what?

Geez, how many times do you people need
this repeated?

We forged Isaac's diary because the
original was useless and there's an

authenticator on his way here right now.
But this looks legit. I bet we get away

with it. Why are you... Telling me this?

Ah, damn.

You don't look familiar.

Do they hide you behind the water tank
or something?

He's not one of us. He's a living.

Yeah, he's got shoes.

Must be nice.

Sharon sent me.

I'm the authenticator.

The authenticator from the top rope!

Sorry, it's a bad situation.

Humor's how I deal with things.

All right, Trev. What's going on?

Just giving him some time in the shaft
of light.

Then we're watching the cutting edge.

Shelly loves a rom -com.

You obviously have a deep connection to
animals. What was it all about? Why are

you acting so weird?

At first, I didn't want to get close to
the snail. I didn't want to bond with

him. Because I didn't want to let him
down.

I didn't want to let him down like I did
Bucky.

Bucky? You know that dog, the one from
my obituary photo?

Oh.

Well, he wasn't my parents' dog. He was
my dog.

And he was my best friend.

Not much of a competition. I mean, your
other friend dumped your body in a lake,

but go on.

Every day when I would get home from
work, Bucky would be right there at the

door waiting for me. He would jump up on
me, and I would tell him he was a good

boy.

But then one day, the day I died, I
never came home.

I just feel so guilty.

He was never anything but loyal to me,
and I let him down.

It's not like you went on vacation,
Trevor.

You died.

And that's not your fault. Dying's not
any of our fault.

In my case, it was Hedy's son's fault.
There it is. She worked it in. You not

coming home that night, that was one
time in a lifetime of you being there

him.

Thanks, guys.

Poor Bucky.

I still wish I could just tell him that
he was a good boy one last time.

Try to remember all the good times you
two had. Because I'll tell you this,

that's what Bucky remembers.

Or remembered.

He's doubtlessly worm food by now.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, your dog is 35 years
old.

My bad.

Sharon, I don't know what to say. What
were you thinking?

I put myself on the line for you. My
boss is going to be furious.

The truth is, I had a real primary
source, but there was a flood in the

and it got destroyed.

The ease with which the lies just fly
out of her mouth.

Whatever. We can't publish a non
-fiction book without sources. I'm

book is dead.

And with it, my legacy.

Isn't there anything we can do?

You like the book, Sharon. Could we
repackage it as historical fiction? You

you guys mostly do fiction anyway.

This is not the kind of fiction that we
do. Our audience needs something juicy

they can sink their teeth into.

And that gives me an idea.

The Storyteller to the Rescue.

The Storyteller! Body slamming
illiteracy!

That was my best one.

And that was the cutting edge.

Pretty good, huh?

Hey, listen.

I was carrying around that stuff for a
long time.

Thank you for helping me face it head
on.

Maybe I can't say it to Bucky, but I can
say it to you.

You're a good boy.

Oh, my God.

It's happening.

Guys, get in here.

I think I am.

Last one in, first one out. Boom, team
money. What about Carol?

I think he's just talking about me,
Nate. I'm going to miss you all.

What's happening to me right now? I want
this for every single one of you.

Shouldn't Trevor be mid -air by now?

Look, the snail.

It's floating.

Oh, damn it. He's moving so slowly.

Sorry, Trev.

Hey, Isaac, we just got off the phone
with the publisher.

I heard.

The book is dead.

Well, it might be undead.

What do you mean? What she means is they
want to tell your story.

Provided your story involves you being a
vampire.

I'm sorry?

Look, here's the deal. Because we lack
the proper primary sources, the only way

they're going to publish this book is if
it has some sort of YA twist.

So I'm a vampire?

My idea. You're welcome. But everything
else is the same?

tweaks like the reason for the
revolutionary war wasn't taxes and

it was that there was too much garlic
around what vampires don't like garlic

i know that this just isn't my story
you'd still be there doing all the same

things you'd still be outside the
signing of the declaration of

might have to adjust that because of
isaac's vulnerability to sunlight i

want to be a vampire i don't blame you
they suck sam can you tell jay i said

that but include isaac's setup otherwise
it won't make sense does he love it

He's processing.

Look, Isaac, the cool thing about
fantasy is it's a digestible way to tell

really complex stories.

Vampires hide in the shadows because
they're afraid of what people will think

them. Hmm?

Well, I suppose I can relate to that.

Plus, a book about a delegate to the
Second Continental Congress?

Is anyone going to read that?

But a book about a delegate to the
Second Continental Congress who can turn

a bat and terrorize the Freemasons?

No.

Because they wouldn't let me into their
club.

I like that.

Could I also drain the blood from
Alexander Hamilton while he begs for

We're the ones writing it. And this is
the only way they're going to publish

Yes.

Let's give it a try. Let's educate the
masses in the only way they can

He's in, Jay.

It's all systems go on colonial vampire
Isaac Higgintooth.

I'm sorry, did you say Isaac
Higgintooth?

It's a working title.

Well, I don't like it.

I love it.

You did a Sharon.

Hey,

buddy, sorry. This is taking a very long
time, and I gotta head out. But you,

you got this.