Original subtitles

The bread hath returned from the underworld, singed by hellfire.

No patience, it's just toast.

But it hath been warmed by the devil's breath.

No, let's not. Does someone else want to jump in here?

Devil's breath.

Everyone knows he comes from Mooseflame, which is guarded by Thut, the fire

giant. Of course, that's common knowledge.

Hark! He hath summoned the hellfires from below. He is in league with

She is a lot.

I'm stuck sharing a room with her. Can you believe on top of all this nonsense,

she snores? You just got to give her some time. She's adjusting.

Well, you know, at least she's stopped attacking her own reflection in the

mirrors. That's progress.

We're talking about patience. In retrospect, not the ideal week to add a

reclamation project to your to -do list.

Sam's dad's coming to visit today.

That's adorable. He thinks there are things going on in this house that we

know about.

Your dad's name is Frank. He hasn't visited since you moved in. And he's

bringing his new girlfriend, Diane, who collects frog -related tchotchkes.

Uh, oh, hot guys.

The dad is bringing a girlfriend.

Huh? Are they loving this insider info?

Oh, they are hanging on every word.

Well, I'm excited to meet this Frank.

He's absent.

He's cloaked in mystery.

He's got hot dad written all over him. He's not absent.

We have separate lives. It's normal.

So you're saying you don't have any resentments towards your dad?

Yes. That's what I'm saying.

My parents divorced when I was 10, and my dad wasn't around a lot. No biggie.

Your dad wasn't around for, like, anything.

Birthdays, soccer games, that recital in fifth grade that you always talk about?

Who cares? In 1893, I saw my son twice.

Once on his birthday, and a second time when his nanny suddenly died, and we

couldn't find a replacement until later that day.

Well, I for one think this weekend could be a fresh start for you and your dad.

But if not, remember, you got a father figure right here in good old Pete.

You know, if you want, you could call me Daddy.

You want to try it out?

That's okay.

Come on, give it a shot. Yeah, don't be weird, Sam. Call Pete Daddy.

Is this still about Isaac leaving you at the altar last week?

That name.

Like a dagger through my chest.

To match the board he previously lodged there.

Well, I'm going to go.

Oh, who am I kidding?

You don't care.

No one cares.

Oh, that guy's a total bummer.

Yeah, he real spanked them good bargain.

Sven very sad because we sacrificed his mother to ensure rain for the harvest.

I mean, I get it. Everyone loved mother, but sorry, Sven.

We need beans.

Oh, I thought he would never leave.

I'm trying to be sensitive and give him some time, but do you have to wallow in

the one room with the TV?

How's everything going with your being a better person thing? Really well. Thank

you for asking. I feel good.

Isaac, why is Nigel still living in the house? You don't break up with someone

and still live together.

It's weird.

Unless you're not allowed to leave, like in the cult. One time I was living with

11 exes, three current partners, and one messiah. Have you asked him to move

out? I just assumed he would choose to leave.

But perhaps I should have a conversation with him.

I guess some things have to be said aloud.

Question, if I'm dead, why is my butt still itch? Some things are better left

unsaid. What's up, old thruple?

Just came by to see how my better thirds are doing.

I learned about fractions during my full year of schooling.

We still on for another date night tonight?

Yes, definitely.

Sounds good, yes. See you cuties later.

Sorry, didn't you tell Nancy that we were ending this ruffle?

Her store did not.

Did I?

Danny. So, how did you two meet? Oh, let me tell. Like I can stop you.

Frank the cut -up. Well, I was browsing in downtown Breckenridge on the hunt for

these frog -shaped soaps. Sure.

I couldn't find the store I was looking for, so I wandered into Frank's ski

shop. Looking for directions.

And that was it.

I was looking for a frog, and I found my prank.

Oh. Wow, the wordplay. Nichols and May over here.

I like her.

I'm happy to hear that.

I don't want to scare you, Diane, but Sam here has a bit of a checkered

with my girlfriends.

Spill it, Frank.

Okay, Dad, we don't need to get into that.

Uh, yeah, we do. So I'm seeing this one woman.

Sammy must have been, what, 11 or 12.

This particular lady was taking a nap. She was hungover from brunch. The point

is, when she wakes up from her nap, someone's given her a little haircut.

Oh, Sam. I was a kid.

And so get this. When we confront Sam, she says it wasn't her.

She said a ghost did it.

Ghost scapegoating. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Boy, if there were any ghosts in here, I bet they'd be pretty upset.

Ah, scapegoating. I missed it. Don't give her too hard a time, Frank. She was

just a little kid. Eleven is hardly little. The woman in our button factory

eleven. What is this?

Who are these strangers among us? Ooh, that's Sam's dad and his girlfriend,

Diane. What is a girlfriend?

Sort of like a wife, but they're not actually married yet.

Well, I guess we should freshen up for dinner.

The boss has spoken.

And I don't mean Springsteen.

This guy was born to pun, am I right? Sam, feel free to use that one. I put

fresh towels on your bed.

This is going pretty well.

Maybe you guys are right. Maybe this could be a fresh start for me and my

They are to share a bed?

Tis most disgraceful.

Patience. We respect your beliefs, but these days it's okay for people to share

a room, even if they're not married.

This is an abomination.

And patients will not stand for it. Well, with all due respect, patients,

not up to you, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Hey,

is that blood?

Why are the walls bleeding?

So apparently there is something she could do about it.

Jay, what if they come downstairs or a customer shows up? You said patients

would settle in, Sam.

This ain't settling in.

Whose blood is this? Where does it come from? It's a real humdinger of a power.

It's funny how some of us have doozies, like making the walls bleed or being

able to leave the property, while some of us... Hold on. Did you just look at

me? I didn't. I swear.

No, the humming thing is neat. It's very neat.

What are we gonna do? I can't ask my dad to sleep in a separate room from his

girlfriend. Yeah, that's a tough conversation.

Hi, I have an Amazon Prime delivery for a J.

Aaron Dick car.

Mmm, Prime indeed.

Must be those new towel samples for the restaurant.

What the?

It's a ketchup explosion.

You can just leave that there.

Yeah, that man's calling the police.

Just when things were actually starting to go well with my dad.

I don't see what the big deal is, Samantha. So they sleep in separate beds

couple of nights. When I was alive, only the poor shared a bed.

Should we be worried about Plague here?

I really don't like that I have to worry about Plague. I think you gotta cave

into Patience's demands here, Sam.

I mean, she's holding all the cards.

The main card being blood on the walls.

I told y 'all we should have left her spooky ass in the dirt.

Okay, I guess I'll just tell my dad he can't share a room with his girlfriend.

Everything's gonna be fine.

But if it doesn't work out, it's okay.

Because I'll be her daddy.

Pete! I think you meant to say daddy.

So I tried talking to Nigel, and I couldn't bring myself to ask him to move

It's hard to hurt another.

Emotionally, physically, it's very easy.

Yeah. Thor and I were going to let Nancy know that we broke up with her, but

then we just couldn't bring ourselves to do it.

Unless we did do it, did we? Still no.

Hey. Hold on.

T -Money's got an idea. Is it for a new nickname?

Oops, I'm sorry. You're trying to help. There was a movie, Throw Mama from the

Train. One guy wanted his mom dead.

The other one wanted his ex -wife killed.

So they just solved each other's problems.

It's brilliant.

I care not a lick about that basement dweller's feelings. I could break up

her for you without hesitation.

Anne's all happy to evict Nigel. Have forced many from their homes.

And let's be honest, his accent is kind of stupid, right? So it's agreed.

We shall throw each other's mamas from the train. Huzzah!

School! Right on.

Hey, Monty saved the day.

I mean, it's just that it's been 25 years.

If a nickname hasn't caught on by then, but you know what? I'm so sorry. You are

helping me, and I thank you.

Knock, knock.

Hey, sweetie, how's it going? Great. Everything is great. We're so happy

here. So happy. Do not parry, Samantha. Tell them.

So listen, we have good news.

We are upgrading both of you to our exclusive premium Woodstone two -room

experience. Oh,

that sounds nice.

Yeah. What is that?

You see, when the mansion was built, the couple who owned it slept in separate

bedrooms, as all well -to -do people did in their day.

We were wealthy. I had a dress with a zipper in it. So, in Hetty and Elias'

honor, Woodstone is offering a two -room experience.

So that you, too, can live like it's the Gilded Age.

I think we're good with just the one room. I will not countenance sin taking

place in the home in which I dwell.

Stand back. He's gonna... No.

These walls are made from plaster imported from Italy.

Was it better than American? No, but that's how rich we were. I had a gold

The truth is you and Diane can't sleep in the same room because Jay has become

deeply conservative and doesn't think it's appropriate.

What? That's right.

I used to be a freewheeling, anything -goes chef in the city, but, oh, that

country air, it's turned me into a big prude.

Sam, do you have a problem with me dating Diane?

No. No, I don't. Because I thought you'd outgrown all that. I have.

This is ridiculous.

I'm 61 years old. Man, Frank's got an habit.

Listen, this is not a big deal.

Sam, this is your home, and these are your rules, and we respect them. Thank

you, Diane. It's only a couple of nights.

I guess you're right.

Enough.

Two sinners saved from the thorny vines of lust that snake up from the

underworld. You are exhausting.

Nancy, may I have a moment? I have something rather delicate to discuss.

We have something to talk about that could be a bit of a bummer.

Nothing you could say could sink me any lower.

Proceed. Well, I just want to start off by saying that you'll always be very

important to Thorin Flower.

Where's this headed?

Thing is, we have loved.

Having you in -house.

Oh, dear.

Where's this headed?

Well, this shan't be easy to hear, but the throuple is over.

Thor and Flower will continue to be a couple, but they will always cherish the

time you all shared.

You sniveling, spineless snake!

You're mad at me?

Yeah! You're the messenger, you idiot! That's what you do, you shoot the

messenger! The thing is... We just like having you here and wanted to tell you.

Yes! Well, that's certainly a boost to the spirit in a very tough time. It's

just good to know I'm wanted, at least from some quarters.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Hand!

What the hell is this? Is this supposed to be funny?

No. God, no.

She can write in blood? This power just keeps getting cooler.

I mean, it's still no humming.

Stop. Some of that goo tripped down onto my slippers. Look.

Goo on her frog slippers.

You happy, Sam? Seriously, I can explain.

Great. I'd love to hear it.

And now she's realizing how it's going to sound if she blames it on a ghost

again. She's the girl who cried ghost.

Mm -hmm. No, you know, it's a stain.

Yeah, it's always been there. It says sin in blood.

It's an extremely legible stain.

I was trying to write sinners, but I ran out of blood.

Did anyone see her come in?

Oh, I know exactly what's going on.

You thought it'd be funny to pull a stunt on one of my girlfriends again,

like when you were a kid. This whole thing is weird.

Why don't you start packing your stuff, Dan? Now we're gonna check out and

leave. Yeah, just check out and leave.

Typical. Babe, it's okay.

What does that mean?

It means that's what you always do.

Just like you did after you and Mom split up. I'm used to it. I'll see you

another four years, I guess.

It's okay, Sam.

Daddy's here!

Daddy's here!

You didn't tell Nigel to move out? We were going to tell him. But when faced

with reality, it seemed unpleasant.

Yes! That's the point!

Throwing a mama from a train isn't meant to be a pleasant experience.

I've been betrayed worse than when Benedict Arnold refused to return my

lantern, which was very out of character for him because normally he was quite

trustworthy. Oh, you died before the whole Benedict Arnold thing. I just...

you about the whole Benedict Arnold thing. Are you simple? Why don't you

Nigel yourself, Isaac?

I don't want him to hate me any more than he already does.

So then just be okay with him being here and you being uncomfortable about it.

Well, I don't like that either.

So you want to have your cake and eat it too? Yes, I want to sign up for that

option. Well, honey, that's not how breakups go.

You can't have it both ways.

Sometimes you just have to be the bad guy.

Maybe it's your turn to take the bullet this time.

Well, I stopped catching.

I'm going to be sick. Well, I guess we'll find out if Jay's plague fears

well -founded.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

I mean, Sam's right.

I haven't been around much since the divorce.

It's no excuse, but part of the reason is because Sam's mom, Cheryl, didn't

me to be. Did she tell you that?

In all uncertain terms.

I mean, of course I wanted to, you know, be there for things.

Like, Sam had this recital in fifth grade, and she was so excited.

Cheryl basically told me if I showed up, she'd make a scene.

I didn't want that for Sam, so I backed away.

To the sad story.

Why are you so quiet?

Frank, who's Samantha know any of this?

I didn't want to turn her against her mom. You know, she needed her mom.

So now I never said anything.

And after your mom died, he wanted to get close again, but he worried that he

had already damaged the relationship too much.

There were tears.

Then Diane took out a handkerchief that looked like a little lily pad.

Jay, the ghosts are telling me that my dad pulled away when I was a kid because

my mom basically made him. Wow.

That's kind of messed up of her. He didn't have to listen to her, though.

And what about once I was out of the house? I mean, it doesn't explain away

that. You're right. It doesn't. But sometimes it's hard to change course.

Maybe this weekend was him trying.

It's true.

And it was going really well, huh?

Until the whole blood wall thing. Well, if I had to pick a turning point, that

would be it.

Samantha, as ghosts, we have had so many frustrating moments where you see two

people wanting the same thing and neither of them realizing it. And for so

we couldn't intercede.

This is a gift.

Take this knowledge and act on it.

Also, Diane keeps tasting the blood. You may want to have her contact her doc

when she gets back to a full panel.

Hey, Nigel.

I wanted to discuss our living situation.

I'm not sure it's, uh...

A great idea for us both to continue living in the house.

I see. And I just don't think it's healthy.

Perhaps you're right.

I will miss my new friends.

I've spent so long hating the so -called mansion ghosts, but during my time

here, I've come to see them as family.

And the rock that has steadied me during these darkest of days.

But... If move out, I must.

What? Who said anything about that? You just now.

No. No, you silly little man.

I'm the one that's moving out to the shed. That's quite the gesture.

Oh, my gosh, it is.

I'm becoming a better person.

I said I was going to do it, but I didn't really mean it. But it's

You seem quite pleased with yourself.

I am.

Are you good?

I mean, are we done here? Because I really want to go tell people.

Yes, I suppose. Oh, great.

Everyone, I'm moving out because of a hero move.

I'm a good person now.

Hey, Dad, before you go, I just want to apologize for the writing sin and a

blood -like substance on the wall thing.

It doesn't get less weird with repetition.

I appreciate the apology.

I just don't understand why you did it. It's a fair question. I think I'm

realizing that when I cut that one girlfriend's hair and now the whole

thing, I was trying to tell you I was mad at you without telling you.

Well, sometimes it's hard to say things, even when you really want to.

Oh. But I'm also realizing that I wasn't looking at things from your

perspective, and things were probably a lot more complicated than I knew.

I appreciate that, Sam.

I guess what I'm saying is I want us to be closer.

I'd like that, too.

Man, we're staying!

They're staying?

But they're still living in sin.

Actually, they got married in the car. You just missed it.

How wonderful.

Well, they should head to the matrimonial bed and multiply forthwith.

really all or nothing with you, isn't it?

Hey, uh, Dad?

I have an idea of something I'd like us to do this afternoon.

Anything, sweetheart.

Music. This is an abomination.

I'm with you on that one, Peyton.

Okay,

Isaac, I know you didn't like the tiles we showed you last week, but we really

think this new one is it.

Ooh, that's an idea. A bad one. But could you eliminate one more? We're

closer. He said no, Jay.

This guy's the worst.

Okay. Good thing Prime is fast.

In my day, new samples would take months to arrive.

And were often stolen by pirates, which made returns quite difficult.

Anyway, I'm off. Back to the shed, where I live now, because of my good deed.

Yeah, you mentioned several times.

About that good deed. Oh, Nigel.

No need to thank me again. I know you're grateful. Right.

The thing is, I'm actually going to return to the shed.

You can move back here to the mansion.

Really? I don't understand.

I was approached by my former shedmates.

They don't want you living there anymore.

What? Why? Do I feel better now that I'm a good person? I don't know.

Sleep better. I can tell you that.

Now, you might be asking yourself, how do I become a good person?

Here's a tip.

Watch me.

Study. Learn.

improved.