Original subtitles

Isaac Hickentooth, do you take Nigel to be your husband?

I don't. And you couldn't have told me this an hour ago.

Her name is Patience. She's a lady that lives in the ground.

What? Who is that?

We were once stuck in a hole.

We decided we had to join hands and navigate our way through the dirt to the

woodstone basement.

We agreed that Sass would lead the way, then Thor, then myself.

There was another ghost in the hole with us. Her name was Patience. She was a

Puritan. What happened to her? I just sneezed and let go of Patience's hand.

For all we know, she's still out there roaming.

So you're telling me there's a Puritan woman just out there wandering around in

the dirt?

Yeah. Mm -mm.

I don't like that one bit. You really should have invited us to the wedding,

Isaac. He's here, Patience. God bless.

Patience, the council has met, and we've decided that we'd like you to leave the

community. What?

But I'm the most pious among us.

Who is? experiences less joy than I. Who is more severe?

You are joyless and severe, I agree. But even for us Puritans, there's such a

thing as too severe. I mean, you wanted us to execute Miss Elizabeth Prude. She

was talking to a doll, to surely a sign of witchcraft. She's five. And on a path

most dark.

The point is, you have to leave. I'm sorry.

Then fine.

I shall start my own colony, where there will be no smiling.

No laughter.

And all the handles of the butter turns shall be rough hewn, so that thou shalt

feel the pain of sin with every stroke.

Well, I think people are going to really enjoy that.

Or not enjoy it, whatever you wish.

Anyway, banishment next.

Man, I feel bad about Isaac leaving Nigel at the altar last night.

But what a show. Indeed.

At least it was a break from the crushing mundanity of our bleak

Okay, the water bill this month is unusually high.

And just like that...

We're back. Jay, have you been taking long showers or something?

You think I'm taking long showers? I got a bunch of invisible people creeping on

me. I wear a bathing suit in there. People are so uptight about nudity. And

code we use to take group showers.

It really helped to clean those hard -to -reach places. Quick, some other more

water bill talk?

Hey, guys. Got those tile samples for the restaurant.

Mark and I just went to the hardware store.

Because I can leave the property?

We know, Pete.

This one's perfect. Right here. Final answer. Lock it in. Well, okay. That was

easy. It's usually a whole weird song and dance with you two. Well, we should

confirm it with our investor.

Right, our silent partner. But do you really think he needs to weigh in on

a little thing? Yes, I think he would be very upset if we didn't loop him in.

Yeah, that's more what I expected.

Anyway, our supplier said he's almost out of these. So if we want them, we

act fast.

Let's see. So let's ask Isaac, okay? Is he in here?

No. Have any of you guys seen him? No.

He must still be moping in his room.

Oh, poor guy.

But it was exciting for us. The drama.

The smell of the hors d 'oeuvres.

The camaraderie. The sharing of the soul. And he's back on group showers.

He wasn't at the hardware store because he can't leave the property, which I

can. What'd they say?

They haven't seen him. I hope he's doing okay.

I'm sure he's fine.

Okay, okay. You know what? Let's just address the elephant in the room.

You're upset with me.

That's new.

Thou didst abandon me.

It was an accident.

I had to sneeze, and so I covered my nose. And in doing so, I did let go of

hand and abandoned you to the dirt. The point is, I was wrong.

And I apologize.

Tis my intention to push thee into the dirt such that thou may know the century

of suffering patience has endured.

What? Hey.

Sorry, um, have you seen Isaac?

The marksman who only yesterday pierced my heart for a second time?

No, I can't say that I have.

But in a grander sense, I'm not sure I've ever seen the real Isaac.

I'm sorry, Nigel. This is really hard.

Nigel's still living in the house? I thought he would have slunk back to the

shed. Damn it, Jay.

What? Didn't Isaac, like, totally ditch him at the altar?

Well, we'll leave you alone.

And those of us who possess the ability to close doors will do so.

Can you turn on the TV already? It's not called 45 minutes.

I want to watch the full 60.

Okay, not just like pressing a button. I mean, it is. But it's hard, and it's

impressive that I can do it at all. Possible Trevor somehow growing weaker

time. Legs are looking a little smaller.

What? No.

That's not even physically possible.

Hey. Have you guys seen Isaac?

I haven't seen him. Me neither. Not since wedding, which went very bad.

Nancy, have you seen Isaac?

Isaac?

You know, now that you mention it, I think he said he was going for a stroll

this morning. And I remember that because when he said stroll, I was

a bowl and I was like, whoa, stroll and bowl, what are the chances?

What? Did he say when he'd be back?

I'm sorry.

I didn't get his life story.

Geez, what's with the third degree?

Why are you being so weird?

I'm not being weird.

You're being weird. Quit taking your body issues out on me, chicken legs.

I don't have to taste it.

Interesting.

Nancy seems like she's hiding something.

Okay, you listen here, Nancy, and you listen good. She left, Jay. Why am I

along on this mission?

Please, Patience, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to lose you. I did look for you.

A few times I even ventured slightly into the dirt.

No, you wouldn't.

Not for Patience. Are you kidding?

I missed you.

We all missed you. Me, Sass, Thor, the entire... whole patrol.

I mean, we had some good times, right?

Remember when Thor tried to say the word supposedly and instead said supposedly?

It was indeed quite amusing.

And I don't know about you, but I loved our time in the ditch.

I mean, who wouldn't enjoy staring at that gorgeous porcelain skin?

It is from the bloodletting that killed me.

I'm just glad we get to hang again.

Although, similarly to how Thor, Sass, and I miss being in the ditch with you,

do fear I might miss being with them.

See what I mean, patients?

Isaac is lonely.

Exactly. I miss my friends.

You can understand that, right?

Patience, understand.

Patience. Patience. Great.

Isaac.

Isaac.

Out with it. What happened to Isaac?

I don't know why you guys are riding my leg about this. I have no idea where he

is. Okay.

I had promised not to say anything, but Nancy already told me what happened.

You told him about Patience?

Wait, what happened with Patience?

Oh, damn it, Stuart. You have to be the dumbest, most gullible piece of trash

I've ever known, and I was married to the village idiot. Come on, Nancy, what

happened? Okay, so yesterday, attracted by the pulsing bass from the wedding

DJ's speakers, Patience appeared through the wall.

She asked to speak to Isaac, so we arranged a meeting.

We thought she just wanted to yell at him a little. We didn't know she was

to drag him away.

It was very real. We were mad about not being invited to the wedding, but we

didn't want this to happen.

Jay, a quick update. Isaac was kidnapped by a Puritan ghost who's been roaming

the dirt for centuries, waiting for a chance at revenge.

Oh, that's really going to push back and answer on these tiles.

Obviously, I'm also very concerned for Isaac.

Full confused.

Our patients just take Isaac. Not like she's strong enough to lift Isaac over

shoulder. Probably be something you struggle with as well.

I broke a Thighmaster once, Thor. I broke it. Patience is real stealth. I'll

show you. I'll be Patience, and Seth, you be Isaac.

Okay? See, he was standing over there.

Right here? Yep, but his back was to the wall.

Like this?

Exactly. Then all of a sudden... Patience!

Thou didst say that thou missed thy friends. Tis now a problem solved.

Wait, did I get kidnapped because Isaac said he was lonely?

No, I have been vastly misunderstood.

And also, she has gone quite mad.

Isaac didst inform me how much you searched for patients all those years

It was a relief on account of how much I did see thee as friends.

Uh, same.

Oh, I never had such friends as in the ditch.

And now we have another chance.

It is ordained. We shall spend the remainder of eternity here together.

Now, it is time for my daily constitutional.

It took me a century to get my bearings here in the dirt, so don't you go

wandering off. Let she be lost forever.

Oh, this sucks.

Okay, Flower, you spoke with Patience while you were in the well. Do you

her saying anything that could help us locate Isaac and Sass? Don't love the

Flowers memories load -bearing here.

Okay, let me think.

It's interesting because Patience has taken Isaac and now Sass. It's almost

she's abducting everyone that was in the ditch with her.

Which just leaves Thor.

Yeah, she could be coming for you next, big guy. The final piece to her creepy

little puzzle.

Don't like to see her try.

Though not scared.

Oh, wait. I do remember something about Patience. She was small. She had no arms

and legs.

She was a worm.

There was a worm named Patience? Yeah, I named her after this other Patience I

met. She's a Puritan.

And we're in the vicinity.

Do you know where we can find the Puritan?

Yes, Patience said something about living in a cave underneath a willow.

Flower said that Sass and Isaac are under a willow. Is there a willow tree

the property? Yeah, remember?

That's where I crashed my drone that looks like a TIE fighter.

TIE fighter's from Star Wars.

Star Wars is a futuristic space opera.

Well, actually, we set in a distant past.

This is worse than Samantha's water bill talk.

Well, what are we waiting for, huh? Let's go get him. Get him.

Fool not scared, Thor.

Just surprised.

Subtle but important difference.

Maybe being imprisoned in this dank lair with that interminable dripping is my

comeuppance. What are you talking about?

I've disappointed everyone who's ever depended on me.

Of the bad fiancé in death, the bad husband in life.

Let this be my promise to you, my friend.

If, by the grace of God, we ever get out of here.

I vow to change my ways, to be kinder, to be less selfish,

to be a better person.

Good for you.

Your rock looks more comfortable. Can I have it? What happened to being a better

person? What? Oh, no, no, no. I said if.

If we get out of here.

God has to uphold his end of the bargain first.

I can't believe we're in this situation.

Who knows what that lunatic has in store for us?

Honestly, I'd like to say that she became terrible because of the

she was always a little off to begin with.

Persians! Persians!

Your version's too sane.

Oh, yeah, that's it. That was good. That one really captured the madness.

That wasn't me, Isaac.

I'm tired and my hands hurt. Yeah, sorry I couldn't find that second shovel,

Jay. You threw it behind the shed, Clam.

Outgoing.

Thor, get over here.

All good in this open space with clear views of all approaches, but not scared.

Oh, I think he broke through. Sam, I think I broke through. Do you see

Sauce! Isaac!

Trevor! Arrow guy!

Oh, this is fun naming everyone.

Oh.

No, Ghost, they're not in there.

Patience ain't in there. You can stop cowering, Thor.

And your hat's small and ugly like Trevor's legs. Two for one, boom!

Wait a minute.

Patience never said she lived under a willow. The Grateful Dead said we could

all get high under a willow in the song Sugar Magnolia, which wasn't released

until after I died. But Bobby Weir used to sing it to us in the shower.

They're not in there, Jay.

You know what that means.

We're digging in the wrong place.

Raiders. Did Pete do the Raiders thing? Our friends are still being held

hostage, but yes, Jay, he did the Raiders thing. My guy.

I want it to be nice.

No one's nice to Pete.

There's only one thing to do. Yeah, one thing to do.

Forget this ever happened and start over with a clean slate?

Take thee into the dirt.

And when you say thee, do you mean me thee or he thee?

Both. Don't love that.

What was that? You just made a fist.

That is what rock is, Stuart.

The rules are so simple, you're killing me.

The sexual tension between these two.

It's palpable.

Will they or won't they?

Just put us out of our misery.

Oh, my God, that was gross.

That was so scary and disgusting.

I'm pretty sure a worm went right through my mouth.

Oh, she's back and she wants more.

Here, take him. He's not annoying.

No.

I'm returning them.

Thou art free to go.

Wait. Really?

Why? Did my own fault for thinking you actually liked me.

Patience shall return to her one true friend.

The dirt.

Why does paperwork beat rock?

Do I run into the dirt? Go!

I got it. Patience said she was living in a white room with black curtains.

No, wait.

That's from a bath I took with a band cream.

This is painful.

If legs hurt from standing, you could have the whole seat.

I was talking about flour. The legs are great.

We have returned.

How did you escape?

Did you breathe the dirt? Or did you have to do something you can never talk

about? You could tell Birdie. Birdie keeps her mouth shut.

Actually, she just let us go.

The toffees hurt her feelings. Me, you did it too.

But you started it by imitating her.

Peasants! That's the thing she does now.

It's not... Look, I'm glad to be back, but I don't know, man. I feel like she

needed friends, and we abandoned her.

Just like we did 130 years ago.

Peasants!

I'm not even exaggerating. That is literally what it is. She is loony.

Well, I think we've figured out what's up with the water bills.

Mark says the fountain is leaking. Just hundreds of dollars dripping into the

ground. And the fascinating saga of the water bill continues.

Will they patch the pipes? Stay tuned.

Babe, Sass and Isaac escaped Patience's clutches.

They're back.

Oh, nice.

You see, sometimes this ghost stuff just resolves itself.

That's a good lesson for the future. Wait a minute. Dripping?

Isaac, remember the dripping in Patience's lair? Patience's lair must be

the fountain.

What? She's been 50 feet away this entire time?

Oh, now that creeps me all the way out.

You know, if Patience's feelings were really hurt, now you can do something

about it. We know where she is.

Hey, just to clarify, are you suggesting going and getting the creepy feral

Puritan ghost and bringing her into the house?

I'm suggesting righting a wrong that happened a long time ago.

Wow, and you wouldn't even let me get a lizard. May I just remind you that this

lunatic kidnapped and held us hostage.

She was hurting, Isaac, and so she let us go.

Wait, you were kidnapped by a worm?

I may regret this, but I feel we need to go get Patience.

Patience is very creepy, but for no pain of abandonment, would not wish that

on any non -Dane. I think you were literally just saying that if we got out

there, you'd turn over a new leaf and be a better person.

Well, here's your chance.

Yes, perhaps we could start with something smaller. I could compliment

Samantha's dreadful sweaters. That looks... lovely.

Isaac. Okay, fine, fine.

Let's go get that scary Puritan woman.

Jay, we may need to destroy the fountain, but... Please don't finish

sentence. No, I got a better idea.

I'm a guy with great leg and a great idea.

Wow, Jay, this is actually really cool. They formed a human chain, or, you know,

a ghost chain.

Once again, Sam, we're still human. We're just dead.

This is the most amazing sight I've never seen.

You see, back at Camper Ma, I was anchor of my tug -of -war team. Three years

running, we got first at the Maccabiah Games.

Okay. I'll take Crash's hand.

At least we know he cannot sneeze.

Yeah, keep going. Into the dirt.

All right, then.

Stop, stop, stop.

Pull out, pull out!

No, the ghost got pulled into the dirt.

Oh, no.

I see money in his magic quads.

Suck it, Thor!

Thor's way up there.

Pass it on!

Suck it, Thor!

We came back.

Isaac, the zappies.

What is the meaning of this?

We're not going to abandon you again.

Come with us.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

I got him. We're good, we're good.

Look, we know we messed up, but you're our friend.

And you're not a lunatic.

My point is, we'd like you to come back to the house with us. You came back for

me? Not soon enough.

Patience!

Patience! Oh, so it can be good or bad. That's interesting.

Come with me if you want to live.

Terminator.

It's a movie.

A movie's like a series of images.

Can we do this back at the house?

Suck it, Thor.

Pass it on.

Hey, Jay, if I were kidnapped and trapped in an underground lair, would

an eternity in the dirt for the chance to save me? Ooh, of course. And I love

that these are our hypotheticals. Mm -hmm.

Well? Oh, sorry, bro. It's a no -go on the tiles. Our investor wants to see

other options.

I mean, Burgundy, are we opening a restaurant or a brothel? Okay.

I'll find some more options. Sorry, Mark.

By the way, how's patience adapting to life in the house?

I think it's going really well.

One last question for thee.

What is thy favorite color?