Original subtitles

[music]

[clears throat]

-Don't even. -How'd you do that?

Grandma says it's a girl thing. And these snacks aren't for you,

they're for Hoards of Swords night.

Hoards of Swords? That show with all the knights and stuff?

It is I, Sir Dillingsdum!

Why are there so many swords?

There are hoards of swords! It's so lame.

Duh, that's why Bethany and I love it.

It's so lame it comes back around to being good.

If you say so.

[doorbell rings]

-That's Bethany. -Ooh, I'll get it!

[screams]

Hey, Bethany. Here for Hoards of Swords?

I love that show.

It's so lame that it comes back around to being good.

Am I right?

Hey, I heard on the announcements

that you won that big essay contest at school.

Congrats. Have I ever told you that I'm drawn to smart women?

-Leave Bethany alone, Dylan. -But--

You can have snacks.

Deal.

Um, why aren't you dressed for Hoards of Swords?

I can't watch tonight. Something came up.

I'm just here for the history book I left.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. Um, hey, Dylan.

-Yeah? -Hello.

Come help me look for Bethany's book in the kitchen.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Why are Bethany and I fighting?

What are you talking about? I didn't see any fighting.

There have been 71 episodes of Hoards of Swords.

And Bethany and I haven't missed a single one.

If she's bailing, she must be mad at me.

But I don't know why!

-Why don't you just ask her? -Smart.

-That's ridiculous. -Yeah, ridiculous.

If I ask her, it'll just blow up into a big thing.

I need to play it cool until I figure out why she's upset.

Seems easier to just be up front.

You clearly know nothing about women.

Clearly.

[sighs]

So... Here's your book.

Yep, that's it.

Awkward.

Man, she thinks I don't understand women,

I can fix this, watch. I'm a master negotiator.

Look, Bethany, Rebecca thinks you're mad at her

-and wants to know why. -Dylan!

Well, Rebecca's right. I am mad. And she should know why.

Well, that's not fair. If you just told me what I did I ca--

-I shouldn't have to. -But--

You know what? I have to go. I have science to study.

I thought it was history.

No, that's what we are, history.

Ooh.

[door slams] Thanks a lot, Dylan!

Rebecca?

[door slams]

Uh, what's with all the door slamming?

Dylan tried to fix things with Rebecca and Bethany.

He's a master negotiator.

Well, son, don't worry.

Understanding women comes with age.

Ain't that right, baby?

[laughing]

I'm gonna check on Rebecca.

-Any snacks? -Absolutely.

[music]

* From the Chi down in ATL Family living well *

* Uncle Myles ain't understand my style *

* Had to show and tell

* Auntie Yaz said I'm good at math *

* I should never fail

* And cousin Becca She a steppa *

* Charlie rollin' with the kid

* Yeah, ah (WHO?)

* You gonna love Young Dylan

* Yeah, ah (WHO?)

* Who gonna love Young Dylan

* Yeah, ah (WHO?)

* Who gonna love Young Dylan

* Yeah, ah (WHO?)

* You gonna love Young Dylan

* Yeah, ah (WHO?)

* Who gonna love Young Dylan

* (You gonna love Young Dylan) Yeah, ah (WHO?) *

* You gonna love Young Dylan

[music]

Hey, do we have any nut packs left?

-Top shelf. -Yeah.

Oh hey, let me give you a hand with that.

I got it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Wait one minute.

Baby, when did our little man here get not so little?

I guess I am a bit taller.

A bit taller? You get any taller,

we're gonna have to start raising the ceilings.

Your dad's right. Not about the ceilings,

but you have grown a lot. Maybe you should take on

some bigger responsibilities around here.

-You really think I'm ready? -Oh, absolutely.

And these bigger responsibilities,

do they come with a bigger allowance?

-Sounds pretty fair to me. -Me too.

-I'll make you a list. -Yes!

Watch out top shelves, I'm coming for you.

And you, and you, and especially you.

[laughing] You gotta love that kid.

Hey baby, have you seen Rebecca today?

How's she doing after her blow-up with Bethany?

Not so great. Those two were attached at the hip.

But she seems to have found a temporary replacement.

Which is when Anthony accidentally let it slip

that he and Marisa got sodas at the movie theater

even though Anthony was there with Darla,

which is crazy because Marisa and Darla have--

[knocking on wall]

Hey, was there a knock at the door?

Bethany!

You gotta help me! Please, I'll do anything.

Come on.

-[Myles] What are you doing? -Dylan?

[clears throat]

Have you guys seen Dylan?

I bet he's dying to hear the end of my story.

Um, let me think. Um--

-He--oh, oh. Check the garage. -The garage. Yeah.

Thanks.

He's such a good listener.

[laughing]

Get off of me!

-I owe you my life, Unc. -Okay. What is going on?

Rebecca has lost it. Ever since her big fight with Bethany,

she's has been driving me nuts! She follows me around every day

talking gossip about things I know nothing about.

And she's sending me like, 200 texts a day.

[phone chimes]

Two hundred and one!

-That sounds bad. -It is!

Last night, I woke up and she was watching me sleep.

She was like this.

Then she was like, "I'm sorry. I was just checking

up on you because I don't wanna lose you like I lost Bethany."

Oooh. Yeah. Yikes.

She's having a hard time. It isn't easy losing a friend.

-It'll work itself out soon. -I can't wait for soon.

I got rhymes to write. I've got deadlines!

I can't even record my music because of her sighing.

Her sighing?

All right.

Okay. Here we go.

[snapping fingers]

* This ain't a game to me ... [Rebecca sighs loudly]

Okay. Take two. [snapping fingers]

* This ain't a game -- [loud sigh]

[sighing]

Yeah, yeah. It does sound bad.

But you know, what can you do?

-Yeah, what can I do? -No. No, no, no,

that was rhetorical. Yep.

I definitely don't think you should do anything.

Yeah, you're right, Unc. I need to fix what I broke.

Yeah, that's not what I said.

And I already have the perfect plan.

Dylan, no plan. Bad idea.

Yeah, this is definitely gonna work.

No, no.

[Rebecca sighing]

The sigh! She's coming!

Thanks for the help, Uncle Myles!

Dylan, no, no! Don't do any--

Did I say do anything? Do anything?

-No, no. -I definitely said don't do--

[door shuts] [sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[music]

[both sighing]

[music]

[humming]

Dude, will you stop dusting?

No can do. I have big responsibilities now.

It's a tall thing.

Well, can you at least take a break? I need help with my plan.

Hm, I'm pretty sure tall people take breaks. Sure.

What's your plan anyway?

So Rebecca and Bethany aren't talking to each other,

and Rebecca has been driving me nuts.

But I think if they just spent some time together,

they'd sort everything out.

But how are you gonna get them to spend time together?

With this.

Insta-Adhesive?

Only the strongest, fastest drying glue in the world.

See, I tricked Bethany into coming over.

And I'll distract her and Rebecca while you spray

their hands with this. And then, [claps] they'll be

stuck together until they're friends again.

Is this safe?

Oh, don't worry.

Just a little bit of this stuff and they'll come right unstuck.

Plus, it's organic.

[Bethany] Hello?

It's Bethany! Hide the glue!

Dylan, what's the level-five emergency?

Oh, hey Bethany.

That is a great question.

And one I would love to answer.

And um, so I will answer.

Uh, right now.

Maybe even the very next sentence.

Dylan, where have you--

-Bethany? -Oh. Hi, Becca.

So... How are things?

You know, they're uh, thing-ing.

Things are thing-ing. That's funny.

Yeah, I guess.

You know, I was gonna call you.

Really? You were? Because I was totally gonna call you.

Really?

Yeah. I felt bad about what happened.

I felt bad, too. I wanted to just--

[screaming] Charlie, no!

[music]

What was that?

I had no idea!

You tried to trick me? I can't believe I almost forgave you.

What? No!

Look, I thought I just needed some time,

but clearly I was wrong.

I think this friendship is over.

No, I--

Dylan! Charlie! Why would you do that?

-We just wanted to help. -Help me lose my best friend?

We were just about to work things out

and now things are worse than ever!

And don't you know not to play with this?

Hm. Just think what would happen if you lost the stuff

to get you unstuck?

No!

No!

-Come on! -Oops!

Get her! Come on just--

Hey, hey, hey. What's going on in here?

I should have never listened to you

when you told me to try to fix things!

What?

No, you're doing-- No.

You're doing it wrong!

[music]

I'm trying to get unstuck.

[music]

I think this is crazy, but I might

have made things worse between Rebecca and Bethany!

-Not crazy! -You definitely did. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Okay, guys. Hey, hey, hey. Hold still.

On three, I'm gonna pull you guys apart.

Yeah. Hold still. Hold still.

One. Here we go.

Two.

Three. [cloth ripping]

My shirt!

And that's why you don't play with glue.

Yeah, but I need a new plan.

-No! -No!

You-you-you-- No, definitely not! Okay?

Stay out of it. After that little stunt,

Rebecca and Bethany are not gonna listen to you.

Yeah. They won't listen to me,

but I know someone who they will listen to.

No, Dylan. No, Dylan.

Thanks for the help again, Uncle Myles!

Dylan, no more glue!

Hey, who dusted all the cobwebs I was gonna get to later?

I did.

Hm. All right. Well, I guess I'll just clean out the gutters.

It's already done. It's easy when you're tall.

Well, I fixed the leak in the bathroom sink.

I put batteries in that smoke detector that was beeping.

-I reorganized the pantry. I-- -Okay, okay.

Charlie, those are all my jobs.

Hey, with big tallness comes big responsibility.

You just relax and let me handle things, Pops.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this big guy has some

paint touch-ups to do... without using a step stool.

I don't use a step stool.

-What's that? -Uh, nothing.

Dylan's begging me to take him to the store.

We'll be right back.

-You good? -Yeah. Yeah.

Just have nothing to do. Charlie did all my chores.

I noticed.

Did you see the kitchen windows?

I've never seen them sparkle like that.

Okay now, I wouldn't say never.

I give them a pretty good sparkle.

Hm, not like this. They're so clean,

two birds have already flown into them.

[banging] Maybe three. Don't worry.

They're okay. Charlie's been taking care of them, too.

Hm. I'm just so proud of my boy! He's so good.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

You missed a spot.

Hey!

Rebecca! Charlie!

[music]

Anyway, so Stacy and Mack totally broke up yesterday.

It was wild.

Say something.

Ugh, talking to you is like talking to Dylan.

[Dylan] I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

-Dylan, give me back my phone! -I'm sorry!

-Dylan, give it back! -Please don't hurt me!

-Dylan, give it back! -Okay!

-Wait! -What?

Please sit down.

Rebecca, sit please.

Look, I know you guys don't want to listen to me,

but there's someone else who wants to talk to you.

Both of you!

I said, there's someone else who wants to talk to you!

It is I, Sir Dillingbum of the Wykelian Kingdom

or something like that.

Oh my gosh! It's that knight from

that lame show you guys love, Hoards of Swords!

I know that's Charlie!

I know not thee of this Charlie.

Though he does soundeth cool.

Dylan, what is this about?

You tell them, Sir Dilling-dude!

I'm here to talk to you about the greatest magic

in all the land... friendship.

What would a knight be without the friendship of his steed?

Still a knight.

Yeah, definitely still a knight.

Okay. Then wizards without the friendship of dragons.

Wizards and dragons are enemies in Hoards of Swords.

-Exactly. Wow, this is lame. -It's so lame.

It's not working.

I don't know. This is the most they've agreed with each other

ever since the fight started.

They're only agreeing that I'm lame.

Yeah.

So lame that you come back around to being good!

Just like their show! Okay, new plan, Charlie.

I need you to keep them making fun of you.

What? Why?

Because they're doing it together.

Oh.

Look, I need you to be lamer than you've ever been before.

Actually, just keep doing what you're doing.

What are friends?

Well, the F stands for, um...

Friendship. And the R stands for--

Really bad fitting armor.

Yeah, and what's the I? Insanely bad accent?

Well, certainly the E stands for--

-Do you need help? -Yeah, one sec. Yeah. Let me--

One second here.

Almost there. One second, uh.

This is better than the episode where Sir Khooli

fell off his horse!

And right into that pile of mud!

[both laughing]

You're like, the only person who would get that reference.

You're like, the only person who'd make it.

I'm sorry, Bethany. I miss you so much.

I don't know what I did, but I'm so sorry I did it.

No. I should be apologizing. The reason I was mad was so dumb.

I was upset and I took it out on you.

Well, what was it?

Well, remember that essay contest I won at school?

Well, I made a post on it and literally everyone I know

commented except for you, my best friend.

Yeah because instead of commenting

I made a whole post on it.

-You did? -Here, look.

I wrote a whole thing about how proud I was of you.

I didn't see.

Aww.

Aww.

Aww!

And I meant every word.

Promise to never let me get made over something so dumb again.

Hey, just as Sir Doofus was trying to say,

our friendship is bigger than that.

We'll always be friends, even when we're fighting.

Thank goodness you're back.

Gossiping with Dylan is like gossiping with a plant.

Which I've never done.

I tried telling him about Stacy and Mack breaking up,

but he didn't get it at all.

Stacy and Mack broke up?

Oh, girl, we have so much to catch up on.

-It all started with a soda. -Are you for real?

-I'm serious. It was crazy. -There's no way.

Nice job, dude! I told you we could fix things.

We did?

Yeah. And adding all those goofy movements was the best.

And totally on purpose 'cause I'm Sir Dilling--

[table breaking]

Uh, dude, are you okay?

Again, totally on purpose.

-Let me help you up, man. -Yeah.

[sighs] And you know Uncle Myles is gonna ground you

totally on purpose.

You better hope we got another one.

We don't have another one?

[music]

Charlie, I've been thinking about

all your new responsibilities.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, I was thinking that you might have a

little too much on your plate.

And I need to take some of them back. Yeah.

So wait? You wanna take his chores back over?

Why?

[laughs] What? No! No, I was just thinking that, you know,

I don't want Charlie to get too burnt out.

Yeah.

That's okay, Dad. I can handle them.

Besides, I like the extra allowance.

You want to keep my chores? I mean, the chores?

Yep.

Okay, let me level with you, Charlie.

I miss my chores, okay? I miss them.

It was very rewarding and I felt like, hm,

I'm doing something great for the family.

So let me tell you something. How about this?

How about I keep the chores, you continue to get

half the allowance bump, and we don't tell your mother?

Hm.

-Deal. -Deal. All right. Yes.

That's what I'm talking about.

Master negotiator.

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]