Original subtitles

[music]

Happy Halloween, Dyl...

What's up, Booder? Who are you dressed as?

Oh, I'm Macbeth.

You know, Shakespeare.

It was a tragedy.

Man, those tights are a tragedy.

[gasps]

I'll have you know, real men have worn tights for centuries!

Preaching to the choir, Booder.

Been there, done that.

I did not like those wedgies. Hmph!

Why doth thou not have on ye Halloween costume?

Oh, I'm rocking this new Fit and Dash gear

because they're thinking about making your boy

their new spokesperson.

Fit and Dash, that local fashion line?

Yeah, the last spokesperson got canceled.

So they're looking for a new

wholesome face to rep their brand.

-That's cool! -Yeah! I know!

If I get picked, they'll outfit me for a music video

or a party I get invited to.

So, what do you have to do to get picked?

Absolutely nothing, bro.

The head of the fashion line, Theodore Collins, just wants to

stop by the house and make sure I come from a good family.

Well, that should work out. Mr. And Mrs. Wilson

are a class act.

Your family is not at all embarrassing.

Exactly! This is not gonna be a problem for me at all!

[door jamming] [grunting]

Guh...

[creepy piano music]

Oh...hello there, scallywag.

Behave yourself, scoundrel,

or prepare to swab the poop deck!

This is going to be a problem for me.

* From the Chi, down to ATL, family livin' well *

* Uncle Myles ain't understand my style *

* Had to show and tell *

* Auntie Yaz said I'm good at math *

* I should never fail *

* And Cousin Becca, she a steppa *

* Charlie rollin' with the kid *

* Yeah, ah, (WHO?) You gonna love Young Dylan *

* Yeah, ah, (WHO?) Who gonna love Young Dylan? *

* Yeah, ah, (WHO?) Who gonna love Young Dylan? *

* Yeah, ah, (WHO?) You gonna love Young Dylan *

* Yeah, ah, (WHO?) Who gonna love Young Dylan? *

* Yeah, ah, (WHO?) You gonna love Young Dylan *

[maniacal laugh]

[eerie music]

Can someone please tell me what's going on?

[Yaz chuckles] You're going to flip!

-The Home Association... -Someone who has their teeth!

Ah, yeah, that would be me.

Oh, so, uhm...well, the, uh, the Home Association has chosen

our [hiccup] our house to be the host house for this year's

[burp] Halloween Block Fest...

-Scare Fest. -[deep laugh]

We're so excited!

This is the first time they chose us.

Why do you look like that?

Why do you look like that?

I mean, uhm...

you guys look...wonderful. It's just, uh...

-I was expecting... -Expecting, expecting, yes, yes,

speaking of expecting, I think

the Home Association's expecting more...cobwebs.

Ooh...mmm, mmm, mmm...

Please, dear, come, come.

-Uh, uh, wait. -We need more cobwebs, yes.

And maybe, don't do that

and take some of this stuff down!

Guys?

[whimpering] I, I have important people coming.

[screams]

[heavy exhale]

Yo, Charlie, I got a big problem.

Oh, no, Chuck, are you okay?

It's bad, Dylan. Real bad.

Chuck, no!

[laughing] Gotcha!

Are you serious right now?!

Wait...

is that my Fit and Dash gear you got on

and have blood all over it?!

I found it in the garage.

I hid it there so you wouldn't find it and wear it!

Well, your plan backfired. [raspberry]

I can't believe you, Chuck! I was gonna rock that when

the head of the fashion line came by.

Hey, easy! Where you goin'?

I'm going to the one place that calms me down when I'm upset.

Captain Pete's Pizza and Indoor Playground?

No, that's your place. I'm going to my studio.

Oh, that makes much more sense.

[eerie music] [gasps]

What the...

Okay.

[ Itsy Bitsy Spider slow and eerie on piano]

I must be trippin'.

Just calm down, Dylan.

Calm down.

It's just a figment of your imagination.

It's just a figment of my imagination!

[ Itsy Bitsy Spider continues]

[heavy breathing]

[ Itsy Bitsy Spider modulating and contorting]

[exhales]

At least this place seems normal.

[Rebecca sing talking] Come hither so I can eat your liver!

[screams]

[monster groans] [laughing]

Rebecca, you scared me.

I'm gonna be a singing zombie for the Halloween Scare Fest.

Why are you on my mixer?

I have to record myself. I can't sound all flat

like last year's singing tire.

And, yes, I hear the irony.

But I wanted to record some music.

It helps me think.

Sorry, Cuzzo, the early zombie worm gets the mixer.

But that's my mixer.

As your business partner,

I'm entitled to half of everything that's yours.

[loud crunch]

And those are my chips!

Calm down, I saved you half.

Everyone is getting on

my very

last

nerves!

I'm out!

Uh, I hope that means I can have the rest of the chips

because I actually didn't save you half!

[music]

Ah, thank you. Grandma.

Something's going on with the whole family.

It's just me and you. The family's trippin'

and I don't know what to do.

Me and you are the only ones normal.

[several screams]

Come on here, child. Come on and help me

water my friends.

-Come on, now. -[screams]

I'm officially over Halloween! I can't do this...I'm sorry!

[screams]

[screams]

[breathing heavy]

Like what Grandma V always says...

you'll never get a second chance to make a good first impression.

[exhales]

I need to figure out some way to get out of all this mess.

I got it!

I'll postpone it!

Text Theodore Collins.

Hey, Mr. Collins, it's Young Dylan.

Is it possible for you to come by the house another day?

Like, ANY other day?

And, send.

That should do it, right?

What am I doing, talking to a mummy?

[ping on phone]

Oh, yes.

[reading] "Sorry, Dylan, it has to be tomorrow!

"I'm leaving for Europe right after and won't be back

before we need to pick our new spokesperson."

[Announcer from TV] And now,

back to out horror movie marathon.

I'm already in a horror movie, bro!

I just need a nap. [exhales]

[scary creature voice]

[screams]

[creepy music]

Oh, no-oh.

Dylan, you look...well, like you've seen a ghost.

Lucky.

Auntie, what's with the scary...I mean, creepy...

I mean, spooky dress, Auntie?

You like it? I know I love it.

This house is even creepier than before.

Ah, thank you for saying that.

-Dylan! -[screams]

Good mornin'! [chuckles] How did you sleep?

Uncle Myles...

I see you got some new gear too.

-Ah, yes. -Wish I was still sleeping.

Now, you guys need to change and get this house together.

I have a very important person coming over

to make me the spokesperson for his fashion line.

-Mmm. -Mmm.

[organ music playing]

[growling]

Who and what is that?

That's Burch.

[growls]

[maniacal laugh]

Relax, Dylan.

I'm sure they're going to love you, but first you must...

do something about this outfit, it's very...mortal.

And your skin is alarmingly vibrant and alive.

It's not me I'm worried about them liking.

It's this weird family!

[maniacal laugh]

Weird? Oh, I love it.

You always say the nicest things, nephew.

You have no worries, Dylan, we're gonna knock 'em dead.

-Literally. -[maniacal laughter]

Come eat, dear...I made some scrambled buzzard eggs

and rat tail hash.

Oh, my favorites.

I have married the most dreadful wife ever.

-[sighing] -[kissing sounds]

That's so kind, dear.

-[scream in the distance] -[screams]

What was that?!

You don't recognize the doorbell?

That's the doorbell?

Hmm, must be your guest.

Wolf?!

Yes, Madame?

The door, Wolf.

My pleasure.

[music]

Hello?

I'm Theodore Collins.

I'm here to talk to Young Dylan and his family, the Wilsons.

[clears throat]

Yo, Theodore!

Wrong house...

Sorry...

Thanks for coming by, though.

Dylan is quite the jokester. We're the Wilsons.

Won't you come in?

Welcome to Wilson manor.

[snap, snap]

Hi.

[sniffs]

It smells like...death.

That's out new air freshener.

Glad you like it.

So, uh...you're Dylan's family.

Ha-ha, yes...in the flesh.

For now.

[maniacal laugh] [sniffs]

Mmm...feisty.

Señor Collins, please, well, don't be shy...

have a seat...yes...yes.

Thank...no.

Our house is your house. Mi casa es su casa .

[groan in the distance]

It's just a saying.

The house can be a little sensitive.

If I'm not needed, I'll return to the cemetery.

Run along, Wolf.

And no digging up bones!

-You have a cemetery? -Doesn't everyone?

Uh, [coughs]

What an interesting home your family has here.

Why, thank you.

Well, as I'm sure Dylan has told you,

we are considering him for our spokesperson

and wanted to meet his family in person

-before we made our decision. -Mmm.

-An excellent idea. -Yes.

While you consider, can I offer you something to drink?

Perhaps a blood orange spritzer?

Ah, yes...heavy on the blood. [maniacal laugh]

Maybe just some water.

Hmm.

Dad, the sewage is blocked up

and coming outta the faucet again.

On second thought, I'll pass on the water.

And, who do we have here?

Oh, him? That's my cousin Charlie.

Oh, nice to meet you young man.

[smack] Ow.

Would you say your family is a nice family?

Oh, yeah.

My parents give us all the bugs we can eat.

Aaah...

I guess that's organic.

You betcha.

My favorite are the fat juicy crickets.

[chuckles]

[smack] Charlie, Charlie...

be a doll...

run out back and see if there's any...

thing crawling around for our guest.

Mmm, okay, Dad.

[chuckles]

-[scream in distance] -[screams]

-What was that, Dylan?! -[laughing]

[smack] Stop it.

Honestly, Mr. Collins, I have no idea.

Please excuse our pet gargoyle,

he gets a little fussy when he wakes.

-[screams] -Oh, hush, Killer!

Don't make me come over there.

¡Cállate!

Anyways...uh...

Dylan's music is perfect for our brand's demographic.

-Ah, thanks. -We love Dylan's music too.

-It's to die for. -Oh, yes.

I'm sorry, is that meant to be a joke?

Joke? No, this...this is a joke...

What is black and white and dead all over?

I don't know.

A zombie running around in a tuxedo!

[maniacal laughter]

Oh, no...

[laughter continues]

I can't with him!

-Darling... -Yes...

You really take my breath away.

[deep inhale]

[holding breath]

Who parked in my parking space?!

No one parks in my parking space.

Please don't put a spell on our nice guest, Viola.

A spell?

I think I've seen enough.

Wait, Mr. Collins!

I'm sorry, Dylan, Mr. And Mrs. Wilson,

but I really must be going.

So soon?

Everything is ruined! I'm so sorry about my family!

No, no, don't, don't be silly.

No need to apologize. I just need to make my flight.

Oh, wait, wait...what about the spokesperson job?

Well,

we'll...

-I mean... -It's okay, I understand.

[Myles]Look, Dylan...

Dylan...

[sighs]

[screams] Who or what are you?!

Oh, this is Tuesday.

I thought it was Monday.

Monday? No, it's definitely Tuesday.

There must be some mistake.

I have a stake and I don't miss.

I think I should be going now.

I hope that it was something I said.

Also, Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween...ohh...my!

I have been so busy, I completely forgot!

It is Halloween!

[laughing] Oh, my!

You guys really got me. I mean, this is wonderful.

I haven't had a good laugh like this in years.

I was really terrified.

Oh, you flatter me!

Does that mean you'll be staying for brunch?

Absolutely. I'll move my flight back.

Tell me your name again, dear?

For the last time, it's Tuesday.

Well, Tuesday, your costume is sheer genius.

Compliments...gross.

Well, let's eat.

Please join us on the veranda for a lovely lunch.

After you...whoa.

Oh.

[exhales] [squeaky door]

Oh, dear, it's so sunny and bright.

How depressing.

[snap, snap, snap]

[eerie music]

It's amazing! Ooh, I'm melting.

Happy Halloween!

Ho-ho!

-[indistinct] -[laughs]

Darling. [kisses]

And then my grief doctor died.

He was very good, I just don't care.

[laughing]

What a delightful brunch.

And you all are so committed to making everything so real.

I could've sworn that I was eating real rat's tail.

-Ah. -We only use real ingredients.

[laughing]

Oh, Mr. Collins...

you're still here? Thought you left.

I spent some time getting to know your family.

[exhales] Look...

I just wanna apologize for how weird my family is.

We all think our families are strange sometimes

but you have a delightful family.

-I do? -Yes.

And you should be very proud of them.

-I should?! -Absolutely.

And it's because of them

I am officially

making Dylan our Fit and Dash's spokesperson.

Ah, yes, yes, yes, bravo! [glasses clinking]

Are you serious?!

Dead serious.

[laughing]

Never be ashamed of your family, Dylan.

Yes, sir, thank you.

This was a wonderful morning.

Wilson family, have a wonderful afternoon.

And please, tell Viola to not put any spells on anyone I know.

-Wonderful family. -Thank you, thank you.

-Wolf?! -You don't need to call Wolf.

I'll see myself out.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

[chuckling]

[screams]

Still getting used to things.

[chuckling]

[music]

Yes!

[music]

And just like that, our house is back to normal

and my family's back to normal.

Woo! Let's do this!

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

-All right, here we go. -Excuse me.

Yo.

Lift with your legs not your back.

What's going... What...I...uh...

Boy, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Yes, ma'am.

It's safer to wait until she's had a few handfuls.

Hey, guys, why would you turn off the TV?

Sorry...I'm practicing my capoeira.

I'm getting my next cord tomorrow.

[guffaw] Ha! Capoeira.

Listen, kids, when it comes to...

martial arts, there's nothing more true

than kung-ka-ka-ka-fu. [fighting sounds]

[deliberate exhale]

Uncle Myles, it sounds more like kung noise than kung fu.

Shut up!

Shut...up!

Oh, my goodness.

You guys should spar to see who's better.

Ohhh!

Booder, please, come on now, that's a...

-Whatchu doin'? -Okay.

I'm sparing, okay.

Sparing...that ain't nothing but the Rock Away.

We used to do that back in the day.

-Okay, okay, okay. -Whatchu doin'?

Ohhh.

Don't try to hurt me, now. That ain't funny.

Now you're doing gymnastics, I see.

-Ow, ow, ow! -Oh!

-Ouch, ouch, ouch! -Boy, get up!

Which one's better?

Uh, well, at least as normal as they can be.

[music]

[chord]

[splat] [theme music]