Original subtitles

Kia ora. My name is Toby Buchanan, and you're listening to Small Town Scandal,

true crime podcast where I try and solve the mystery of who killed my Uncle

Mitch. This is Episode 4.

My hunt for my Uncle Mitch's killer had taught me a lot about my hometown of

Tohoiho. Specifically that there was an underground swingers collective that was

also at the heart of the local ketamine ring. Uncle Mitch's second wife, Aunty

Janine, was occupied by another lover at the time of his death.

But that raises the question, what about his first wife?

Aunty Andrea certainly is a woman scorned.

Could she be suspect numero uno?

But before we delve into all of that, it was time to say goodbye to Uncle

Mitch.

I'm seated at Uncle Mitch's funeral.

It's a veritable who's who of Tohoi Ho.

But looking around, the faces aren't necessarily upset.

I'd say they're more curious.

The star of the show has arrived.

I hadn't seen Auntie Andrea in a couple of years.

She clearly had a major makeover. Her short shag haircut really suited her.

cosmetic surgeries were also quite subtle.

How's that restraining order going now?

You loathsome bastard! No!

I hope you rot in hell, bitch Buchanan!

Mum.

Hi,

Toby. Dwayne McKay?

Hi.

Hi, Toby.

Dwayne McKeith?

Oh, fancy seeing you two here.

Dwayne McKeith and I used to be best friends at school.

He used to consume a lot of PVA glue.

That was until I sneakily ditched him by running away from him at lunchtime.

He was really weird.

His family was also really weird, especially his brother.

This is our church.

We didn't realise people would be here.

Yeah, it's my Uncle Mitch's funeral.

Hey, do you guys want to sit together?

This is okay.

Okay.

I like your suit.

Oh, yeah. It was the last one at the Suit Horridge place. That was a bit ill

-fitting.

How have you been, Toby?

Oh, yeah, not bad.

We haven't seen you for ages.

Yeah.

Well, how have you guys been?

We've been doing a lot of praying lately.

Really? There's a lot of evil in the world.

Please stand for the hymn of sacred remembrance.

to see you all here today to celebrate what a kind,

gentle, giving man he was.

To say a few words about the darling father, Mitchell's children.

My cousins, Sophia and Conan, were sent to a boarding school famous for tuning

out CEOs.

I always wondered if that put a strain on their family, though.

Our father, Mitch Buchanan, has been described as a pioneer of the lawn

engineering community.

The meteoric success of the Buchananiser meant that work always came first for

our dad.

Hard work to our father.

To us, it's the only important thing there is.

Nothing else matters.

And indeed, that's the greatest lesson that he left us.

Well, at least he left you something.

Oh, Mum!

Oh! Aunty Andrea's guilt and motive were practically pouring off her.

It was time to turn on the charm and get a recorded confession for my podcast.

I don't think you're allowed to smoke in here.

Oh, Ian, who's going to stop me?

Oh, God.

Okay.

Oh, Mr West, nice little extra wave.

What a suit.

Why's it blue?

It was the only suit available at the suit high -rage store.

Anyway, um, Auntie Andrea, I'm so sorry for your loss.

No skin off my nose. Well, skin off my nose, to be honest.

And I am not talking about my last trip to Turkey.

Just between you and I, Tobias, I was talking to a lawyer about going at him

again for half the mowing business.

It was all settled.

Now it's too late.

I'm going to fall into the pockets of that cow face.

Wait.

You were planning on suing Uncle Match.

No, it was just a pipe dream, Toby.

It was all right.

And when I heard he died, well, I took a gold club to my precious porcelain

corgi.

The piglets will be happy, though.

They came over here asking for money and he wasn't going to give it.

Wait, the twins were here before he died.

I know.

Rumour has it they were asking him to invest in a little tech company and he's

an uncle.

And apparently it's gone dead, sir.

I mean, they try and kick me out of the loop, but a mother knows.

Toby, you sure you don't want a cigarette because it does suppress your

appetite?

OK, yeah.

You're right.

With Aunty Andrea all but cleared, I'd set my sights on Uncle Mitch's twins,

were conveniently in town when he died.

Well, well, well.

It isn't Tubby Tobes.

Fancy seeing you here.

Nah, I'm just joking. Of course you'd be here.

You're the bloody nephew after all.

Sorry, Mel. I'm just going to go. Hey, just before you run off, mate, I just

want to check something.

I was talking to Katie. She said she saw you down at the mowing store.

Acting all sneaky.

Asking questions and stuff.

She said something about a podcast.

Is that right?

What's the one about? Oh, men's mental health.

Katie told you about that. Yeah, don't worry about the Katie of it all.

Is it true you're doing a podcast about your uncle's heart attack?

No, it's not about his heart attack.

Ah.

Keep Sergeant Brown since you were sniffing around your auntie Janine.

Then she could have murdered him.

No, I don't think it's her.

No.

Because it wasn't anybody.

Because your uncle wasn't murdered.

Yeah.

Sure.

Look, I'm just trying to look out for you, big fella.

I don't want you to have another one of your... What was it?

Pet food scandal.

Sounds like your career was rinsed.

Anyway, I'll leave you to it, eh?

Katie, let's chat.

Oh, hey.

Sophia Conan.

Hi, cousin. I was coming over to see you guys.

We're just shooting, sir.

Are you going back to Hong Kong already?

Oh, my gosh, Tobias, no. We're not going back to Hong Kong right now. We're

going to the mansion.

We're going to give Dad our own little send -off.

Oh, awesome.

Can I come along?

With their mum letting slip about their financial woes, could I be looking at

two murderers?

So how long are you guys in town for?

11 days.

Oh, cool.

It was a lovely service, wasn't it?

Your dad would have loved that service.

It's actually great that you guys were actually here in town.

Because at the time I was like, oh my God, he died.

His kids aren't in town. It's going to be so sad. Because I know you guys are

really busy over in Honkers.

Then I found out that you guys were actually in town when it happened.

Yeah. What were you doing when he passed?

I was on a call with London.

I actually just got a call when I heard from Janine.

Ah.

And what about you, Sophia?

Well, I was with Conan.

And have you guys been staying at... The mansion with your dad?

No, we were staying at a hotel.

Why weren't you staying at the mansion? I mean, it's not like there's not plenty

of bedrooms.

Because the hotel was more convenient.

Huh.

Just got to grab something for the send -off.

I'll just be a minute.

Yeah, no worries.

If Conan was telling the truth, there should be a record of a phone call at

time of the murder.

And I found it.

Buckingham Tech Solutions, bracket London.

And Aunty Janine called him straight after.

So that probably meant Conan didn't kill Uncle Mitch unless he was great at

multitasking. So let's assume he didn't kill Uncle Mitch. But what about her?

There's nothing to say Sophia wasn't here at her childhood home.

brutally killing her father for the inheritance.

It's mine.

How did it end up up here?

Oh, it must have fallen out.

Just checking that water to see if it was faux or real.

Shit, I'm an idiot.

Won't be a thing. Yeah, yeah.

Let's go piss off the posse.

Look, surely there's a better way of doing this.

I said... Ah,

okay.

Can you aim it a bit higher, Tobias?

Sorry.

Hey, so, um... What's it like?

It's on.

Dad, that is.

Paul! Uh,

it was pretty hard, to be honest.

You don't want the details, right?

We're not kids, Tobias.

Paul!

Well, it's kind of quite horrific, actually.

When I got there, he'd bled all over the lawn and there were little bits of him

that the mower had kind of shaved off and they were picking them up and

it into a bucket.

Oh, my God.

Oh, we should have been there for him. We should have been there for him.

wrong with you?

Why'd you have to make my sister cry?

I know he's an arsehole, but he was our father.

Yeah, he was our arsehole.

Well, you asked what it was like. I meant emotionally, Tobias, not...

Physically. Hold the bow.

That one's for Dad.

Okay.

Oh.

Sorry.

Sorry, Sophia.

Why don't you go fish that?

Are you sure?

Brick it up!

Sorry, there was just a rabbit behind you.

Hey, Tobias, did you piss yourself?

He did.

No, I did.

You'd still be a pov -o, cousin.

Sure, my cousins were walking red flags with a history of recreational cruelty,

but Sophia's reaction to her dad dying actually seemed genuine.

What the heck?

Katie?

Toby!

What are you doing here?

I'm not... Sorry?

Yeah, why are you at the mansion?

Here? Yeah. At the mansion?

Because I was like, well... And then I thought, oh... Your Auntie

Janine is, like, so wrapped up with all the funeral business and I just thought

that I should come here and I'll walk the horse.

Petal?

Petal. Yeah.

That's so kind of you.

Did you know that Petal was actually my childhood horse?

Dot.

If you give me, like, five minutes... I can come with you. I just need to clean

up this, um, this lemonade.

Uh, well, that's not actually too bad.

I'll come with you.

Oh, no, maybe I won't.

I'm just here with my cousins.

I haven't seen them in, like, I should probably, um... What did they...

They must have, um... Maybe they forgot I was

here.

Anyway, I'm free now to come with you and walk Petal.

I'll show you where the reins are.

Come on, we didn't get a chance to talk at the wake.

Come around.

Are you going to come?

Yeah.

Come on, Petal, darling. She is very cute.

Actually, Uncle Mitch got her for me when Dad went to prison, so... Sweet of

him. Yeah.

Hey, Matt says you're stopping doing the podcast.

Uh, yeah.

Aw, that's a shame.

I mean, you're just such a good writer. I'm sure you'll find your next big scoop

sometime soon.

Katie Jerram, what are you talking about? You've never read anything I've

written. Um, Sydney Council Water Mismanagement 2017.

That was your first big story in Oz.

Oh, come on. The whole town was talking about it.

I mean, yeah, I get. I mean, that one took me months.

But I did really luck out with the people I managed to interview.

You could tell.

Oh, I'd love that.

Going overseas.

Making a name for yourself overseas.

I've never even been overseas.

Oh, Toby, I'm jealous.

Kind of feel like I missed the boat on that one sometimes.

Well, why don't you move overseas and make a goal there? No, I can't now. Not

with the boys.

And Matt just loves his job.

But if you're not happy, I'm sure he'd understand.

I'm happy.

I'm so happy. Love it.

Maybe I could come and visit you for a weekend or something.

I'd love that. Yeah, that'd be amazing. Yeah.

There's so much I can show you.

Do you like dumplings?

No.

Okay, well, do you want to turn around? We'll turn around now.

Yeah. Let's see.

Is this road no exit?

Yeah.

Come on. You know that.

Uncle Mitch's road was a no exit?

with just one way in and out.

And to Hoi Ho's most notorious hotel, O 'Reilly sat right on the corner.

Maybe Lady Luck was on my side that day.

Are you sure that this is okay? Because you know I can drop

you at your actual house. Yeah, nah.

I was just texting my mum. She's coming to pick me up from here and we're going

to go shopping for shoes.

Okay. Oh, anyway. But thank you so much.

Before you've been dropping me this far, it's great.

Are we still on for tomorrow night?

Yeah. I just love that we get to spend more time together.

Yeah, I've been loving it. I mean, yeah, it's good.

Okay, yeah, bye.

Early in my investigation, I had learnt that O 'Reilly's manager, Trent, had

CCTV cameras everywhere for his own twisted reasons.

Hey, do you want to see the local MP asphyxiate himself?

What? No. I was hoping against hope that one of those cameras might be facing

the roadside. I have discovered that Uncle Mitch's road, Damihana Road, is no

exit. It's a dead end.

So his murderer would have to come in and go out from the same exit.

So I just need to find the CCTV footage of the road outside the hotel on the

afternoon of Uncle Mitch's murder.

And then...

I might find his murderer.

I'll be at their car.

Oh, that's true.

Trent, look at this.

An hour before you die?

Yes. And that 38 -minute half -dial. Exactly. I just need to see the licence

plate. The angle wasn't right to see the number plate.

And we could see another defining feature, a weird cartoon family sticker

window. Am I looking at Uncle Mitch's murderer, albeit through the vehicle?

It wasn't a perfect lead, but I finally felt I was on the right track

to find Uncle Mitch's brutal murderer.

And little did I know then, but I actually knew this person quite well.