Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, come on in, come on in, come

on in, wow, this is it, oh you

made it, yeah, I made it, oh thanks,

wow, you look wonderful, thank you, yeah, you

found the place no problem did you, yeah

it was totally fine, oh god, is he

okay, yeah, Jay this is, hi, this is

whoever I was telling you about, hi, hi

Jay, nice to meet you, nice to meet

you, yeah, nice to meet you, silver tongue

devil he is, this is the girl I

was telling you about, this is, what girl

were you telling me about, I was telling

you about whoever, whoever I was showing you

the pictures of her, this is the girl

you didn't believe existed, this is the girl,

yeah, wow, yeah this is me, he talks

about me, yes he talked all about you,

she's got her music, she's got her influencing

today, her podcast, yeah podcast exactly, what's that,

my podcast, it's something the kids are doing

now, it's, they take videos and they put

them up on the internet and it's, oh

is that the statue you made of me,

oh it is, oh my gosh, let's go

look at it, yeah, come on over here

let me show you, he told you he

made something of you, wow, oh my gosh,

you like it, I love it, it looks

just like me, it's from a photo he

sent, he did the pose, yeah, it came

out wonderful, oh my gosh, it took a

while but we did this in the arts

and crafts class that we do, it's beautiful,

yeah, I need a picture with it, will

you take my picture, here just press the

button in the middle, oh, okay,

thank you, oh my gosh, it's so awesome,

we can go right next to it, yeah,

it's uncanny, oh, you have a pool, we

do, wow, oh my gosh, wow, this is

so amazing, so this is like an old

folks home, yeah, we used to use the

pool more often but ever since the incident,

yeah, we don't go in the deep end

anymore, oh, that's really cool, there's the kitchen

over here, sure, yeah, so

you guys all cook in here and stuff,

we do, we take turns throughout the week,

I'll cook one night and then Jake will

cook another and we do family recipes, it's

nice, that's really sweet, oh, there's all kinds

of different ethnic cultures here too, so we

get a little Italian, a little Polish food,

things like that, you know, but it's nice,

wow, that's amazing, so what was one of

my favorite movies of yours that you like,

oh, of them all, yeah, well done, but

you know, let me think, that's a good

question, I like that one scene you did

with Tommy Gunn, Tommy Gunn, oh, yeah, my

shoplifter scene, that's what it was, shoplifter, oh

my gosh, that was such a fun scene,

it was actually such a hot day, we

couldn't use the air conditioning and I was

sweating so much, I like it when you

sweat, yeah, I like the way a cascade

sounded on your ass, oh, yeah, well, that

was the thing, it was like so hot

that when Tommy was slapping my ass, if

you go back and watch it, you can

see like the sweat just like going, you

know, yeah, so you like that scene, I

did, yeah, I had a really fun time

and he's a super nice guy, just like

you, thank you, darling, thank you, you're so

sweet, you're so sweet, so that's my favorite

scene, what do you think maybe your favorite

scene would be, oh, man, my favorite is

probably like, I did a cis swap and

it was my first time ever having sex

with four people all at the same time

and it was really fun, a what swap?

a cis swap, what does that mean, so

it's basically when like I have a stepbrother

and then my best friend has a stepbrother

and we swap, oh, yeah, so it's like

super fun, oh, I see, oh, yeah, what

do you think of that scene, he sometimes

he goes on my computer and he looks

at some of the videos, oh, yeah, he'll

pretend he doesn't, he'll tell me he doesn't,

but I know he's in there, I know

what he's looking at, I can tell him

because there's lotion all over my keyboard, he

doesn't clean up his, he doesn't give him

a courtesy wipe, does he, does he, Jake,

a courtesy wipe there, that's so funny, but

anyways, darling, we really enjoy your films, we

really enjoy watching them, oh, thank you, it's

such a pleasure to love you, I love

that you guys watch my movies, I tell

you, the nurses don't like it so much

around here, do they, Jake, oh, I'm sure,

they don't care for that at all, bad

boys, they get pretty angry sometimes, yeah, I

don't suppose they probably watch much of that

at home, I don't think so, no, they

probably wouldn't be so tired if they did

though, that's what we tell them, isn't that

right, Jake, yes, right, that's right, wow, but

they threaten to take away our internet if

we don't stop, so, oh, my gosh, I

know, right, they better not take away our

internet, they can be kind to me sometimes

too, I think maybe we give them too

much grief after watching your movies, I think,

sometimes Jake gets a little frisky, he likes

to pinch the nurses on the butt, see

that, wow, so, so, honey, what do you

want to set up, what do you want

to do this interview for, I don't know,

I mean, where do you think is best,

where's the best lighting, lighting I guess is

pretty good, pretty nice in the living room,

okay, well, yeah, let me just get everything

set up and we'll do that, okay, I'll

show you where it is, okay, is there

anything I can do to help, honey, no,

I've got it plugged in, I'm just going

to set this up right here and then

this will hold my phone while we're recording,

so everything will be nice and purple for

us, oh, okay, are you going to do

it right there, yeah, right here, there we

go, all right, let me just make sure,

okay, I think we're good, okay, I'm ready,

so what do I do, do I just

look right there, yeah, so just look right

there and I'm going to introduce us and

then we'll get into it, are you ready,

I'm a little nervous, my hands are getting

sweaty, you got this, you got this, okay,

hey, cutie pies, it's River Lynn and I

have a super special sweet treat for you

today, I'm here with Jack, one of my

first fans ever, say hi, Jack, hi, Jack,

today is going to be super special because

I'm meeting him and interviewing him, but that's

not all, we are going to do an

interview where Jack can do whatever he wants

to me throughout the process, what do you

mean, anything, whatever you want to do, as

long as you can focus on the interview

questions, anything, anything, okay, if you say so,

are you ready, yeah, let's do it, okay,

let's go, what's the first thing that caught

your eye about me, your smile, oh, he

likes my smile, oh, you have a pretty

smile, I'm followed by your eyes, yeah, oh,

that's why he likes my eyes, your ass,

don't mind him, he has Tourette's, sometimes it

acts up a bit, oh, okay, how long

have you been a fan of mine, oh,

jeez, I started following your career about three

years ago, oh, from the beginning, I think

it was probably that shoplifting, a real true

first fan, that's so awesome, you caught my

eye early, oh, thank you, which body part

of mine is your favorite, oh, you know,

probably your perfect little perky breasts, your ass,

your ass, your ass, your ass, your ass,

I think he's a fan of my ass,

yeah, you have a beautiful ass too, so

what's the most exciting thing you've done since

retiring, you, hopefully, obviously, there's not too much

that goes on now that I'm retired, it's

just board games with the guys and, you

know, that sort of thing, and, of course,

jerking off to your videos, you know, and

the nurses aren't around to catch me, yeah,

well, I hope I can bring a little

fun back into your retirement, you already have

to, you already have to, okay, what's the

best advice you've ever received and from who,

the best advice I've ever received, let's see,

that's a good question, I would say learn

early that there's a difference between being alone

and being a lonely, if you can't keep

yourself in company, you have nothing to offer

anyone else in life, yeah, yeah, like being

alone isn't so bad, but being lonely is

different, yes, okay, if you can't keep yourself

in company, you got nothing to offer no

one, and it took a while to learn

that, but an old wise man once told

me that when I was going through my

first divorce, oh, wow, yeah, well, I appreciate

you for sharing your wisdom with me, I

mean, that's really cool, we appreciate you coming

here, darling, we really do, and this is

what I live for, really, oh, let's keep

going, yeah, so, okay, what are your favorite

date spots, where are you taking a girl

out on the town, oh, well, you know,

usually, you're right over there, Jay, yeah,

well, I'm old fashioned, so I do like

dinner and a movie, but a girl like

you, I wouldn't take to a regular movie,

I'd take her to a, you know, a

dirty bookstore, maybe, oh, a dirty bookstore, take

her to a dirty movie, maybe, yeah, I

think that might be a little more appropriate

for a girl like you, what do you

think, is that something that you'd like, maybe,

yeah, I think that'd be really fun, that's

like a great date, actually, I know one

that's got a thing called a glory hole,

do you know what that is, a glory

hole, oh, yeah, wow, it's nice, they show

the films, too, but they get, uh-huh,

we go there a couple times, you guys

use the glory hole, I know, it's nice,

oh, my gosh, well, okay, my next question

is, what's something you've always wanted to try,

but have never had the chance to, double

anal, double, whoa, I mean, you don't really

get a chance to do something like that,

not too often, wow, double anal, have you

done a double anal, I have not done

a double anal, how about a double badge,

have you done something like that, no, you

never, no, I've never even, like, been DP'd

or anything, really, yeah, wow, I know, we

still have to make that happen, a young

star like you, Linda, yeah, plenty of time,

but don't wait too long, don't wait too

long, no, no, no, all right, so, the

next question is, do you have a type

in women, yeah, yeah, I think so, yeah,

we like blondes, for sure, like, full bodies,

yeah, yeah, full bodies, yeah, full-fingered girls,

yeah, that's a great answer, yeah, I like

a nice full butt like yours, yeah, okay,

cool, awesome, do you have any questions for

me, do I have any questions for you,

I'm sure I have a lot of questions

for you, what's the oldest man you ever

had sex with, oh, man, he was probably,

like, 50, oh, yeah, that's young, that's young,

that's nothing, no, wow, yeah, no, you're a

big boy, oh, I'm sorry, it's like an

older man, you ought to give one of

us a try, yeah, I do like older

men, it's just, you know, waiting for the

right one, or two, you never know, or

three, wow, my viewers are going to love

this, I'm sure they will, you know what,

I'm going to love this, oh, God, he

pulled it out, oh, yeah, it's out of

the cage, there you go, go ahead, so,

okay, yeah, let's continue with the interview, let's

do this interview, how has your taste in

women changed since you were younger, oh, well,

that's an easy one, when I was younger,

I liked the older girls, now that I'm

older, I like the younger girls, oh, okay,

that's one of the problems, as I got

older, I realized, well, here's a problem, getting

older, you realize there's no such thing as

milfs anymore, there's just women half your age

or kids, yeah, you know, you lose out

on the whole milfs thing, that makes sense,

well, ladies out there, if you're interested, yeah,

that's the truth of it, yeah, so, okay,

what was porn like when you were younger,

oh, well, you know, that was different, too,

it was more or less, like in the

old Roman days, they would write about it

so much, they wouldn't really draw things out,

oh, interesting, no, they can't, not quite that

old, but it was, when the porn started,

when I started, it was the reel-to

-reels, seriously, it was reel-to-reels, so,

any time you wanted to jerk off, it

was really difficult, because the projector was so

loud, you know, it always, in the background,

okay, yeah, so, it was not so easy

to jerk, and it was hard, it was

a lot of work to set this machine

up, that's so cool, and I remember when

we got the VCR, the VCR, that was

the first, oh, my gosh, that was the

cutting-edge technology, wow, laser disc, wow, a

lost invention, oh, my goodness, beta, remember beta,

porn's on beta, yeah, I watched all the

8mms, yeah, that was more my thing, wow,

I have no idea what this stuff is,

you guys, yeah, well, you know, the adult

industry's always been on the leading side of

technology, you know, oh, I'm sure, yeah, we

always get it first, kind of like the

virtual stuff you got, the virtual reality, is

that what they call it?

Yeah, I just did a VR scene recently,

VR, is that what they call it?

Yeah, VR, it's really fun, it's very immersive,

back in my day, we called it VD,

no, that was an aerial disease, that was

something different, that was not, oh, no, that

was a disease, oh, oh, okay, okay, she's

talking about something totally different, or, Ho Chi

Minh, my ass, oh, my goodness, oh, but,

yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's changed quite a bit over the years,

I prefer, I like, I like the internet

now, I jerk off to the internet, I

got my own, yeah, it makes things easier,

I got a little mouse I can move

around, I can click on whatever I like,

whatever weird, that was the other thing too,

you used to have to go to a

dirty bookstore, you know, right, yeah, I miss

that a little bit, it was a little

sleazy, you got to, smell it, I never

smelled that, ah, yeah, I did, it was

like dried up jizz, you know, oh, gosh,

yeah, it's on That sounds horrible.

Sticky floors!

Sticky floors!

Oh man!

Remember Jizz Moppers?

That was a thing.

What?

I got paid for it.

Wow, I feel like I'm learning so much

you guys.

You go into the booth and you jerk

off and you leave a mess and then

someone will come on behind you with a

mop and clean your mess up after you.

Oh my goodness!

And you kind of like, as you walk

past the guy in the hallway, he always

kind of like, you know, he judged you

because you're jerking off in a dirty bookstore.

So he judged him because he cleans up

your jizz.

What the fuck kind of job was that?

Tip your mobster.

Wow, can you believe this you guys?

Jizz Moppers.

You should make a movie.

You should, yeah.

Note to the fans, we're going to make

a movie called Jizz Moppers.

And I'm going to be the mop.

Oh, I like that.

Clean up all the jizz.

Look at you.

So, okay.

Tell me about your school life.

Were you popular?

Uh, well, I mean, I was a popular

pain in the ass, I guess.

Yeah, I was relatively popular.

I wasn't into the sports or anything.

Not a jock or anything like that.

But I did pretty good with the ladies.

The ladies seemed to like me quite a

bit.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I was not a very good student.

Didn't get the best grades.

Did you ever do any sports or like

really fun clubs?

Not too much sports.

I played a little soccer and that sort

of thing.

But, well, soccer's for girls.

Yeah, that's what I realized not too long

into.

But you know what I really enjoyed?

I liked the pool.

Yeah.

How about you?

Were you a popular girl in school, honey?

I bet you were.

I bet you all the boys liked you,

huh?

Specifically for doing this stuff.

Oh, my God.

Really, huh?

Oh, my God.

Oh, let's see.

Oh, my gosh.

Did you have a lot of boyfriends in

school, sweetheart?

Mm-hmm.

I bet you did, huh?

Mm-hmm.

You sucked their dicks too, I guess.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Do you have any fond memories or anything

like that you want to share with the

fans?

Oh, fond memories, sure, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, you're breaking out your little hands here

now already, are you?

Oh, that's so funny.

Don't mind him.

He's just fascinated with these little hands.

Mm-hmm.

It's weird.

I was a court stenographer.

I did learn shorthand.

Yeah, well, that makes sense now, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Oh.

I've been using that joke for years.

Oh.

So, tell me about some hobbies you have

right now.

Well, I like to golf a bit.

Mm-hmm.

My shoulder doesn't really like it, but aside

from that, I like that quite a bit.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

We like playing checkers around here, too.

Sometimes a game of chess.

Mm-hmm.

Dick's more of a chess player, and Jake

over here likes his checkers.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

You know, personally, I like to play a

little tonsil hockey right now.

That's what I like to do.

There we are.

Oh, that'll be my favorite sport, I think.

Oh.

Oh.

You know, I never learned how to play

chess or checkers.

Well, I'll teach you.

I'm sure you will.

You're probably going to sound a little too

busy doing this sort of thing.

Oh.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, slow.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

So if you could go back to any

decade, which one would it be, and why?

Oh, the 70s, probably, for sure.

The 70s, they were a happy time.

The 60s were good, too.

The 60s were great, you know.

The 80s, where it all went bad, you

know.

Before the 80s, all you had to worry

about was maybe you'd catch a little chlamydia

or gonorrhea.

Maybe you'd just go and get a shot

in the ass.

Then the 80s came along, honey, and everything

changed.

All of a sudden, you couldn't have sex

anymore without using a prophylactic.

You know what that is?

They call it a condom now, or a

rubber.

Yeah, we call them rubbers.

Rubbers, yeah.

Jimmy Hag.

Jimmy Hag.

That's a term from the 80s.

Coney Island White Fish.

But after that, it was never the same

anymore, you know.

You had to worry about catching something awful.

Now nobody seems to care, everyone just records.

What's new at 25?

You.

Honestly, if I could go back in time,

I would have invested in a little blue

pill that men used to get their dicks

on.

Well, that started out as a heart medication.

Then everything changed now.

It went from a 75 cent pill to

a 40 dollar pill now.

Remember that, Jake?

Oh, yeah.

We used to take our heart medication and

unbeknownst to anyone else, you'd get a nice

strong heart like this.

That's when they realized they were in the

wrong business.

Yeah, if I had gone back in time

and could have invested in that company, I'd

be a rich man.

You're really talented at this, do you know

that?

Wow, I haven't had a full set of

teeth in a long time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking on

gummies or anything.

I'll take them all.

Oh, yeah, that's different.

You know what a gummy is, honey?

That's when the older ladies around the nursing

home take their dentures out when they give

you a head.

It actually doesn't feel too bad.

How did you meet your roommate?

Oh, he was here when I got here.

He checked in one day, hasn't checked out

yet.

He checked himself in, my kids just dropped

me off here.

They told me we were going to the

park.

They never came back.

They don't visit, they don't come back.

Oh, God.

But now I just sit here and play

checkers with these fellas and live vicariously through

your little podcast.

How about you, sweetheart?

Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you what, let me turn around

for you.

You can do it, sweetheart.

Oh, okay.

One, two, three.

There we go.

Holy cow.

Whoa.

Hold on.

You don't like that?

Hold on.

Hold on, hold on.

The big one's coming, Jake, huh?

This is why you're such a huge fan

of me.

Okay, now there's something else going on.

It's flawless.

It's perfect.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm going to make myself comfortable for a

minute.

Thank you.

All right, let's keep going with this interview.

This super amazing interview.

Thank you.

Okay.

What is your favorite genre of porn and

why?

Okay.

I mean, me personally, it's a lot of

stuff.

It has to do with doggie.

I love watching girls get fucked in the

ass a whole lot.

I'm a huge anal queen.

What about you, Jay?

Why don't you answer a question, too?

The camera's right there.

Tell everyone.

I like girls with big butts.

Oh, like me.

I like the big butts, I really do.

I cannot lie.

I cannot lie.

And I think it's very sexy when a

cute girl, like her, takes a big old

cock in her ass.

You hear that, guys?

You're going to be a huge fan of

me one day.

No way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's going to take it in the ass.

So, who was your celebrity crush and why?

Oh, I like Bea Arthur.

Bea Arthur, I don't know who that is.

Oh, the great TV show.

She's in a few shows.

Yeah, she's in a few shows.

If I could have sex with anyone, it

would be Bea Arthur.

Oh, yeah.

What's that redhead's name?

I don't know.

Blanche there?

No, no.

Lucy.

Lucy, yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, back in the day, Lucy.

Oh, yeah.

Fiery funny.

Yeah.

Fiery little redhead, yes.

Lucy, you're in a lot of trouble.

Lucy, I'm home.

Oh.

You remember that?

Oh, no, you wouldn't remember.

I don't know.

That was back when TV was in black

and white.

Oh, my God.

That was a thing.

That was so long ago.

More than half my life, I was only

watching it in black and white.

What?

No way.

It wasn't that long ago, Lucy.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

Do you want to?

Oh, yeah.

You just move like that, and I move

like this.

And the idea is to.

You're going to teach me to play?

He's going to teach me to play, guys.

The idea is to capture as many of

the opponents and work your way all the

way to the opposite side.

Go there.

And there you go.

OK.

What's one thing you're curious to try and

bat at Jake?

Waking up every morning.

Waking up every morning.

I don't.