Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Once upon a time...

or maybe twice, there was an unearthly paradise called...

Pepperland.

80,000 leagues beneath the sea it lay,

or lie, I'm not too sure.

♪♪

{Brass band playing)

(Wicked laughter)

Pepperland is a tickle of joy on the blue belly of the universe.

It must be scratched.

Right, Max?

- Yes, Your Blueness. - What?!

We Meanies only take no for an answer.

Is that understood, Max?

No, Your Blueness.

That's better.

Are the troops in readiness?

No, your Blueness.

- The Bonkers? - No.

- Clowns? - No.

- Snapping Turks? - No.

- Anti-music missiles? - No.

- The dreadful Flying Glove? - No.

Splendid!

Today, Pepperland goes bluely!

Fire!

(Loud bang)

(Screaming and shouting)

(Cannon fire)

(Explosions)

(Bass drumbeats)

The Meanies are coming! The Meanies are coming!

Glove, Glove, come here, Glove!

Look out there, and what do you see?

- Tell him, Max. - Someone running, Glove.

Well, you'll soon put a stop to that, won't you, Glovey?

Go, Glove, point!

And having pointed, pounce down!

(Explosions)

(Crashing sounds)

(Giggling) I haven't laughed so much since Pompeii!

(Explosions)

(Screeching halt)

(Guffawing)

(Splash)

What?! What?! The Glove is losing his touch.

Do your worst!

Explode them!

(Honk)

(Honk)

(Loud explosion)

(Stammering) It's not polite to point!

(Loud guffawing)

Thing of beauty... destroy it for ever!

(Loud explosion)

(Whimpering)

(Violin playing)

Sir, Sir, the Blue Meanies are coming!

Not here, Young Fred. They wouldn't dare.

They would. They are. What are you going to do?

Finish the quartet.

Fire!

(Loud banging)

Trio, sir?

FRED: Duet, sir?

Duet?

Solo!

Young Fred, the Blue Meanies are coming!

(Explosions)

LORD MAYOR: 4 scores and 32 bars ago,

- Our forefathers... - Our quartet?

- And foremothers... - Another quartet?

made it in this yellow submarine...

- What, that little thing? - To Pepperland.

Climb aboard, Young Fred.

But, sir, I can't even make my soap float.

I'm appointing you Lord Admiral.

Lord Admiral? In that event, yes.

Hurry, Young Fred. Go! Get help!

Where should I go?

LORD MAYOR: No time for trivialities.

(Explosion)

(Bass drum pounding)

(THE BEATLES: "Yellow Submarine")

♪ In the town where I was born ♪

♪ Lived a man who sailed to sea ♪

♪ And he told us of his life ♪

♪ In the land of submarines ♪

♪ So we sailed on to the sun ♪

♪ Till we found the sea of green ♪

♪ And we lived beneath the waves ♪

♪ In our Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ We all live in a Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ We all live in a Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ And our friends are all aboard ♪

♪ Many more of them live next door ♪

♪ And the band begins to play ♪

♪ We all live in a Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ We all live in a Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine ♪

Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswain. Full speed ahead.

Full speed it is, sir.

Action stations! Action stations!

Aye, sir, aye.

Captain, Captain!

♪ As we live a life of ease ♪

♪ Every one of us has all we need ♪

♪ Sky of blue and sea of green ♪

♪ In our Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ We all live in a Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ We all live in a Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ We all live in a Yellow Submarine ♪

♪ Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine... ♪

(Engine whirring)

(Solemn music)

(Chimney spouting smoke)

(THE BEATLES: "Eleanor Rigby")

♪ I...I... look at all the lonely people ♪

♪ I...I... look at all the lonely people ♪

♪ Eleanor Rigby ♪

♪ Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been ♪

♪ Lives in a dream ♪

♪ Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door ♪

♪ Who is it for? ♪

♪ All the lonely people ♪

♪ Where do they all come from? ♪

♪ All the lonely people, where do they all belong? ♪

♪ Father McKenzie, writing the words of a sermon that no-one will hear ♪

♪ No-one comes near ♪

♪ Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there ♪

♪ What does he care? ♪

♪ All the lonely people, where do they all come from? ♪

♪ All the lonely people, where do they all belong? ♪

♪ I...I... look at all the lonely people ♪

♪ I...I... look at all the lonely people ♪

♪ Eleanor Rigby, died in the church and was buried along with her name ♪

♪ Nobody came ♪

♪ Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave ♪

♪ No-one was saved ♪

♪ All the lonely people, where do they all come from? ♪

♪ All the lonely people, where do they all belong? ♪

(Wind blowing)

(Balloon exploses)

Woe... is me.

Liverpool can be a lonely place on a Saturday night.

And this is only Thursday morning.

(Thinks) Compared with my life, Eleanor Rigby's was a gay, mad whirl.

Nothing ever happens to me.

(Thinks) I feel like an old, splintered drumstick.

I'd jump into the River Mersey, but it looks like rain.

Nothing ever happens to me.

(Engine whirring)

Puss, puss-puss. Puss, puss, puss. Here, pussy.

Here, pussy, pussy, pussy. Here, pussy, pussy.

POLICEMAN: Ahem, er... (Cat meows)

Would you believe me if I told you I was being followed by a yellow submarine?

No, I would not.

Oh yeah, I didn't think you would.

(Engine whirring)

I could have sworn there was a yellow submarine.

But that isn't logical, is it?

It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes

or a figment of my imagination.

(Thinks) But I don't have an imagination.

(Engine whirring)

(Knocking)

Help, help, help!

RINGO: Thanks, I don't need any.

Help! Won't you please, please help me?

- RINGO: Be specific. - (Talking gibberish)

...Blue Meanies!

What you need is...

'H' for hurry, 'E' for Urgent,

'L' for love me and 'P' for p-p-please help.

(Door creaks open)

(Door slams loudly)

(Slamming doors and strange noises)

Hiya, baby!

♪♪

(Screeching halt)

Your story has touched my heart.

Jump in, we'll get my friends.

- Bless you! - Did I sneeze?

- Just park it here. - I'll just park it here.

(Slamming doors and strange noises)

What would your friends be doing here?

Displaying.

- Displaying what? - Displaying around.

FRED: Can't we take one of these?

No. I only work with my mates.

FRED: Frankenstein?

I used to go out with his sister.

- His sister? - Yeah. Phyllis.

Hey, I wonder what would happen if I pulled this lever.

You mustn't do that.

Can't help it. I'm a born lever-puller.

(Electricity crackling)

(Creaking noise)

(Booming noise)

Ringo, I've just had the strangest dream.

RINGO: I warned you not to eat on an empty stomach.

Now listen to Old Fred.

(Talking gibberish)

...Blue Meanies!

FRED: What do you think?

I think he needs a rehearsal.

JOHN: When do we leave?

FRED: Let's get the other two, John.

JOHN: What day is it? RINGO: Saturday.

Then George will be here.

(Sitar music)

(Wind blowing)

RINGO: George, what are you doing up there?

GEORGE: Now, what is it, Ringo? - (Engine whirring)

(Car horn)

GEORGE: Is there a matter you'd like to take up

or down?

This chap here...

(Fred talking gibberish)

ALL:... Blue Meanies!

You're nuts, the pair of you.

Wait a minute, that's my car.

- GEORGE: How do you know it's your car? - I'd know it anywhere.

- GEORGE: What's it look like, then? - It's red with yellow wheels.

I mean, blue with orange wheels.

- (Horn sounds) - GEORGE: It's all in the mind.

RINGO: Move over, I'm driving. GEORGE: I got here first.

JOHN: I'll drive, if you like. GEORGE: No, you sit in the middle.

RINGO: I'm sitting in the middle. JOHN: You said you were driving.

RINGO: I am driving. GEORGE: I'll get in the back, then.

(Explosion and screeching tyres)

(Loud explosion)

(Footsteps running)

(Ominous music)

(Woman screaming)

GEORGE: Do you think we're interrupting something?

RINGO: I think so.

We'd better find Paul, hadn't we?

It's all in the mind.

Try one of those doors.

(Cheering crowd)

Yes, they do look very nice, don't they?

Yes, they do.

- They do, though, don't they? - Yes, they do.

- Don't dey, dough? - Dough?

- Don't ask. - Dat's dough.

What's the matter, fellas? Blue Meanies?

- (Door slams) - Well, lads, what do you think?

JOHN: I think that...

Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead.

So, what do you think?

PAUL: Well, then, um...

Pounding, overwhelming waves. What do you think of that?

PAUL: Well, I think that... JOHN: As a matter of fact, I...

ALL: I think...

FRED: Well? ALL: I've forgotten.

Right, then, let's get this vessel shipshape.

RINGO: I kind of like the way it is, submarine shape.

(Engine whirring)

(Intense music)

(Explosion)

(Engine humming)

So, this is a submarine.

Soft, isn't it?

Not if you're on the bottom.

All right, lads, time to stow the gab and turn to.

Groovy. How do you start this thing?

It starts with a Blue Meanie attack.

Supposing there's no Blue Meanies in the neighbourhood?

(Talking gibberish) Then you start looking for a switch.

(Guitar playing)

Perhaps this is it.

(THE BEATLES: "All Together Now")

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Can I have a little more? ♪

♪ Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ A, B, C, D ♪

♪ Can I bring my friend to tea? ♪

♪ E, F, G, H, I, J ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Sail the ship ♪

♪ Chop the tree ♪

♪ Skip the rope ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ All together now ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now ♪

♪ Black, white, green, red ♪

♪ Can I take my friend to bed? ♪

♪ Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue ♪

♪ I love you (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now, ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now ♪

♪ Sail the ship ♪

♪ Chop the tree ♪

♪ Skip the rope ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ All together now ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now (All together now). All together now (All together now) ♪

♪ All together now! ♪

(Engine whirring)

What time is it governor?

It's time for time.

Look, the hands are slowing down.

PAUL: Do you ever get the feeling... JOHN: Yeah.

that things aren't as rosy as they appear to be under the surface?

GEORGE: What's happening, John?

JOHN: In my humble opinion, we've become involved

in Einstein's time-space continuum theory.

- Relatively speaking, that is. - Of course.

GEORGE: Maybe time's gone on strike. PAUL: What for?

- Shorter hours. - I don't blame it.

It must be very tiring being time, mustn't it?

- ALL: Why? - It's a twenty-four hour day, isn't it?

- You surprise me, Ringo. - Why?

- Dealing in abstracts. - Just because I'm a drummer...

- I don't half feel funny. - You're not half the lad you used to be.

Look, everything's getting bigger.

It's not. It's us that are getting smaller...

- I want my mam. - ... and younger.

There you are, lads. Old Fred will get you out of all this.

Look at that!

- It's all a load of Father Xmas's. - JOHN: It's not. It's Father Time.

- How do you know? - I read it in a book.

I don't want to alarm you, but the years are going backwards.

What's that mean, Old Fred?

If we slip back through time at this rate,

very soon we'll all disappear up our own existence.

- What are we gonna do, then? - We could always try a few buttons.

- (Tolling bell) - I want my mam.

FRED: Time's fast running out for us, I'm afraid.

- Can't we do something to the clock? - RINGO: What do you mean, John?

JOHN: Move the hands forward, see what happens.

FRED: Clever lad.

GEORGE: Something strange is happening.

It's speeding up now.

(Engine sound)

(Melancholy music)

Funny... a submarine remarkably like our own.

JOHN: Uncannily.

RINGO: There's someone in it. Look.

GEORGE: And they're waving. RINGO: It's a group of fellas.

Wave back.

GEORGE: Maybe we're both part of a vast yellow submarine fleet.

There's only two of us.

Then I would suggest that yonder yellow submarine is ourselves

FRED: going backwards... JOHN:... in time!

Look at Ringo.

Oh dear, we're all the same.

Senile delinquents.

And I can hear my beard growing.

We'd better do something.

(THE BEATLES: "When I'm Sixty-Four")

♪ When I get older, losing my hair ♪

♪ Many years from now ♪

♪ Will you still be sending me a valentine? ♪

♪ Birthday greetings, bottle of wine ♪

♪ If I'd been out till quarter to three ♪

♪ Would you lock the door? ♪

♪ Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? ♪

♪ When I'm sixty-four ♪

♪ You'll be older, too ♪

♪ And if you say the word ♪

♪ I could stay with you ♪

♪ I could be handy mending a fuse ♪

♪ When your lights have gone ♪

♪ You can knit a sweater by the fireside ♪

♪ Sunday mornings, go for a ride ♪

♪ Doing the garden, digging the weeds ♪

♪ Who could ask for more? ♪

♪ Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? ♪

♪ When I'm sixty-four ♪

♪ Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear ♪

♪ We shall scrimp and save ♪

♪ Grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck and Dave ♪

♪ Send me a postcard, drop me a line ♪

♪ Stating point of view ♪

♪ Indicate precisely what you mean to say ♪

♪ Yours sincerely, wasting away ♪

♪ Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more ♪

♪ Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? ♪

♪ When I'm sixty-four ♪

♪ Whoa... ♪

JOHN: Well, correct me if I'm wrong, gentlemen,

but would you agree that we have been passing through the Sea of Time?

That would explain a few things, yes.

I'm glad I'm not young any more.

Or was it old?

RINGO: What kind of a sea is this? FRED: The Sea of Science.

(Engine whirring)

Oh, yeah.

(THE BEATLES: "Only a Northern Song")

♪ If you're listening to this song ♪

♪ You may think the chords are going wrong ♪

♪ But they're not ♪

♪ We just wrote it like that ♪

♪ When you're listening late at night ♪

♪ You may think the band are not quite right ♪

♪ But they are ♪

♪ They just play it like that ♪

♪ It doesn't really matter what chords I play ♪

♪ What words I say or time of day it is ♪

♪ Cause it's only a Northern Song ♪

♪ It doesn't really matter what clothes I wear ♪

♪ Or how I fare or if my hair is brown ♪

♪ When it's only a Northern Song ♪

♪ If you think the harmony ♪

♪ Is a little dark and out of key ♪

♪ You're correct ♪

♪ There's nobody there ♪

♪ And I told you there's no-one there. ♪

GEORGE: He looks wrong. PAUL: He doesn't look at all well.

In fact, he's horrible.

He's so ugly.

ALL: Really ugly!

Somebody push a button.

GEORGE: There's a Cyclops. PAUL: Can't be. He's got two eyes.

JOHN: Then it must be a bi-Cyclops.

RINGO: There's another one. JOHN: A whole cyclopedia.

(Explosions)

(Blowing Steam)

(Tea pouring)

(Sucking noise)

(Sucking noise)

(Sucking noise)

(Snapping sound)

There's a school of whales.

RINGO: They look a bit old for school. PAUL: University, then.

- University of Whales. - JOHN: They look like dropouts to me.

You've got to steer clear.

- RINGO: Steer clear? - Yes, steer. Clear?

Yes, dear.

(Squealing and laughter)

Now, whatever you do, don't touch that button.

- Which button? - That one.

This one?

FRED: That was the panic button.

- PAUL:Poor Ringo. - GEORGE: Poor lad.

Never did no harm to no-one.

Lads, now Ringo's gone, what are we gonna do?

Learn to sing trios.

No, let's save the poor devil.

(Loud banging)

GEORGE: I see footsteps.

PAUL: It's a pair of kinky boot-beasts. JOHN: Preparing to attack.

(Chirping and chattering)

(Shouting and squealing)

JOHN: I don't half miss Ringo. GEORGE: He's far out there.

PAUL: Always was.

PAUL: Here comes Ringo! RINGO: 'H' is for hurry...!

JOHN: There goes Ringo.

It's seen us.

JOHN: Find a boxing button.

PAUL: Whoever heard of a boxing button?

GEORGE: Who cares? Find one.

- Fire one! - (Strange noises)

FRED: Uh-oh, wrong one.

That.

(Cackling laugh)

GEORGE: There goes Ringo again.

JOHN: Rides well, doesn't he? RINGO: 'E' is for Urgent...

(Sucking noise)

Oh no, not the dreaded vacuum flask again.

- We'll be sucked into oblivion. - Or even further.

Put her in reverse.

GEORGE: So long, sucker.

- Too much. - Too soon.

GEORGE: Reverse! Reverse!

- Ringo time. - 'L' is for love me...

(Muffled explosion)

ALL: Indians!

RINGO: Help! Help!

RINGO: 'P' is for please...

So, press a button.

(Cavalry charge)

- How was it, Ringo? - 'Arrowing.

(Sucking noise)

PAUL: Look who's back. Full speed ahead.

- Oh, no. - The motor's packing in.

FRED: By all the sea nymphets, we're losing power.

GEORGE: We're being swallowed. What shall we do?

JOHN: Serve tea. PAUL: Lovely.

(Wind blowing)

By Neptune's knickerbockers, she's puttered out.

- Maybe we should call a road service. - Can't. No road.

And we're not sub-scribers.

ALL: Subscribers...!

I know something about motors. Let me have a look.

- Here. - Is that the motor?

Can't you tell one when you see one?

Of course I can. Let me peruse it.

(Electrical buzzing)

- What do you think? - I think I burned my finger.

Here, lads. Look at this.

- What do you think it is? - Nothing.

Looks like nothing.

It's a local inhabitant.

RINGO: He's probably one of the nothings.

PAUL: At least that's something.

- PAUL: Let's show him our motor. - Steady on.

You don't want to show your motor to just anybody.

But this is a nobody.

Medic, pedic, zed oblique, orphic, morphic, dorphic, Greek.

Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo.

So little time, so much to know.

Can you tell us where we're at?

A true Socratic query, that.

And who the Billy Shears are you?

Who? Who indeed am I?

Jeremy?

Hillary?

Boob?

- Ph. D.? ALL: Who?

Eminent physicist, polyglot, classicist,

prize-winning botanist, hard biting satirist,

- talented pianist, good dentist, too. - PAUL: Lousy poet.

Critic's voice, take your choice.

- Must be one of them angry young men. - Or a daffy old creep.

I, daffy old creep?

- Do you speak English? - Old English, middle, a dialect, pure...

- Well, do you speak English? - You know, I'm not sure.

He's so smart, he doesn't even remember what he knows.

Why don't we show him our motor?

Should we really... show him our motor?

He may not have seen one before.

Turbo-prop, super-combustible spring.

Metrocyclonic and stereophonic,

this motor, I see, has a broken down thing.

- He fixed it. - He fixed it?

Great. Let's go.

I must complete my bust, two novels, finish my blueprints, begin my beguine.

Must you always talk in rhyme?

If I spoke prose, you'd all find out, I don't know what I talk about.

Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo.

So little time, so much to know.

Hey, fellas. Look.

The footnotes for my 19th book.

This is my standard procedure for doing it.

And while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it.

- A boob for all seasons. - How can he lose?

Were your notices good?

It's my policy never to read my reviews.

There must be a word for what he is.

(THE BEATLES: "Nowhere Man")

♪ He's a real Nowhere Man ♪

♪ Sitting in his Nowhere Land ♪

♪ Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody ♪

♪ Doesn't have a point of view. Knows not where he's going to ♪

♪ Isn't he a bit like you and me ♪

♪ Nowhere Man, please listen. You don't know what you're missing ♪

♪ Nowhere Man, the world is at your command ♪

♪ He's as blind as he can be. Just sees what he wants to see ♪

♪ Nowhere Man, can you see me at all? ♪

♪ Nowhere Man, don't worry. Take your time, don't hurry ♪

♪ Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand ♪

♪ Doesn't have a point of view. Knows not where he's going to ♪

♪ Isn't he a bit like you and me ♪

♪ Nowhere Man, please listen. You don't know what you're missing ♪

♪ Nowhere Man, the world is at your command ♪

♪ He's a real Nowhere Man. Sitting in his Nowhere Land ♪

♪ Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody ♪

♪ Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody ♪

♪ Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody ♪

Okay, men, all aboard. Let's go somewhere.

What about him?

He's happy enough going around in circles.

Poor little fella.

I don't know. Ringo's just a sentimentalist.

Look at him. Can't he come with us?

Mr. Boob, you can come with us, if you like.

You mean, you'd take a Nowhere Man?

Come on, we'll take you somewhere.

Okay, Booby. Down the hatch.

Down the hatch. A quite curious phrase.

The middle South Midlands Victorian phase.

Its usage undoubtedly on the increase.

I must work it into my New Statesman piece.

- That's the hatch, friend. - Indeed.

Steady now, crew. Prepare to go forward.

- Forward. - Forward.

- Forward. - Forward.

FRED: Forward!

JOHN: It's awfully quiet. What shall we do, Jeremy?

Repair, revive, revamp, renew. Ipse dixit, just turn the screw.

- Log sign, clog sign, big thingamabob. - GEORGE: What's he saying?

- PAUL: What's he doing? - Chewing gum will do the job.

- A turn of the screw, and all is... - (Propellers whirring)

...and all is new.

FRED: I can't stop her.

'H' is for hurry, 'E' is for Urgent, 'L' is for love me...

JOHN: 'P' is for... goodbye?

GEORGE: That was lovely, Jeremy. PAUL: We've lost the sub for good.

- Or for bad. - RINGO: Or for worse.

- I'm sorry about that. - RINGO: But he did fix the motor.

PAUL: Where are we? JOHN: It looks like the foothills.

GEORGE: The foothills of what? JOHN: The foothills of the headlands.

(Strange sounds)

(THE BEATLES: "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds")

♪ Picture yourself in a boat on a river ♪

♪ With tangerine trees and marmalade skies ♪

♪ Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly ♪

♪ A girl with kaleidoscope eyes ♪

♪ Cellophane flowers of yellow and green ♪

♪ Towering over your head ♪

♪ Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

♪ Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain ♪

♪ Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies ♪

♪ Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers ♪

♪ That grow so incredibly high... ♪

♪ Newspaper taxis appear on the shore ♪

♪ Waiting to take you away ♪

♪ Climb in the back with your head in the clouds and you're gone ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

♪ Picture yourself on a train in a station ♪

♪ With Plasticine porters with looking glass ties ♪

♪ Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile ♪

♪ The girl with kaleidoscope eyes ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

♪ Lucy in the sky with diamonds... ♪

JOHN: Carry on, lads, carry on. RINGO: Certainly was carrying on.

GEORGE: I feel a draft.

PAUL: We must be near the Sea of Holes.

Don't you think we should ask somebody for directions?

Excuse us...

Can you tell us the way to Pepperland?

(Mechanical whirring)

GEORGE: Thanks.

PAUL: Gosh, look at all this dust!

GEORGE: Where did it come from?

A chemical error and quite imprecise. This is a condiment...

- Condi... - A spice.

- He's right, you know. It's pepper. - Pepper?

- Pepper. (Ringo and George sneeze)

(Deep inhaling and sneezing)

(Strange sounds)

(Synthesize music)

John?

Paul?

George?

Is anybody home?

- Where are we? - A holey sea.

This place reminds me of Blackburn, Lancashire.

Oh, boy...

How many do you think there are in all?

Enough to fill the Albert Hall.

Didn't Old Fred mention something about the Sea of Holes

- just before the Sea of Green? - Yeah.

Through one of them slots must be the Sea of Green.

But which? Which one?

Thesis, antithesis, synthesis,

causes of causal causation.

Jeremy, what do you know about holes?

There are simply no holes in my education.

You mean you haven't composed a whole book?

Oh, great. What shall we do?

Be empirical. Look.

RINGO: The booby's making more and more sense.

It's getting better all the time.

Great. Come on, let's all look for the Sea of Green.

The Sea of Holes... into the Sea of Green.

Hydrolate, verdant chrysodine.

I think we're near the Sea of Green.

I've got a hole in my pocket.

Where's Jeremy?

He was over there.

- He's not here now. - JOHN: He must have jumped ship, then.

He wouldn't do that. He's our friend.

Booby, Jeremy, Hillary, where are you?

(Echo) Sea of Green...

RINGO: Pepperland. A bit salty around the edges.

JOHN: Looks all dingy. GEORGE: And drab.

PAUL: And quiet.

Safe at last.

And none the worse for our adventures.

Reminiscent in many ways of the late Mr. Ulysses.

There's an eye in the apples.

(Engine whirring)

FRED: There she blows!

Lord Mayor, sir... I've made it, I'm back.

- Who's this? - Our Lord Mayor.

He's been bonked.

Lord Mayor, sir... unbonk yourself.

Even a little snatch of a tune might get him up again.

All right, let's sing.

♪ Have you got time to rectify, time to rectify... ♪

Do I hear music?

Do I see... Young Fred?

You do, Lord Mayor.

Bless my metronome.

And did you bring help?

Yes, yes. Look.

Holy pizzicato, Young Fred.

It's quite uncanny, your faces...

We're quite cute, really.

You could pass for the originals.

We are the originals.

No, no... Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

JOHN: They couldn't be much with a name like that.

Sergeant Pepper?

LORD MAYOR: You could impersonate them and rally the land to rebellion.

Where are your instruments?

RINGO: Lost in the Monstrous Sea. JOHN: Sea of Monsters.

FRED: We'll get other instruments, Lord Mayor.

Not a chance.

The Meanies captured everything that maketh music.

They hate music that much, do they?

They shrink at the very sound.

(Drum roll)

Okay, you guys. It's shrinking time in Pepperland.

(Drums becoming louder)

(Burps)

(Scraping sound)

(Bass drum beats)

(Marching)

- Aim, fire! - (Gunfire)

(Screeching halt)

(Screeching halt)

(Threatening thump)

(Guffawing)

(Giggling)

PAUL: He reminds me of my old English teacher.

JOHN: Look, if you must shout, shout quietly.

GEORGE: What do we do? JOHN: Coagulate with the crowd.

Cut-outs at the ready. Then let's cut out.

PAUL: What a grand bandstand.

GEORGE: That's where the gear's kept. Come on.

PAUL: Cavey, cavey.

(Barking)

All right, the coast is clear.

Now's our chance.

- But how'll we get over...? - Easy. Follow me.

(Owl calling)

A- ha! You fools!

(Gunfire)

(Crashing sound)

It's not very light in here, is it?

Shh! Keep the noise down.

- Look what I found. - It's their uniforms.

- Nice bit of gear, that. - They'll look great on, eh?

- Dey will, won't dey? - Won't dey, dough.

- How do I look? - Groovy. How about me?

- Bad scene, lads. We're surrounded. - Oh, heck.

PAUL: A million billion Meanies.

GEORGE: They're coming this way.

ALL: Hide!

(Clattering instruments)

(Squealing bagpipes)

(Snoring)

(Shushing)

JOHN: Do you think they heard us? PAUL: I hope not.

- What did you say? - Shh!

Good plan.

(Cockerel crows)

Look. They're all asleep.

They look cute when they're asleep. Almost human.

- Come on. Let's get out of here. - On tiptoe.

- Tiptoe through the Meanies... - Shh!

(Squealing bagpipes)

Let's exude.

(Screaming)

(Gunshots)

(Shouting and gunshots)

GEORGE: Relax, lads. Not a Meanie in sight.

- Not even a teeny Meanie. - Not even a teeny-weeny Meanie.

- Look. Breakfast. - GEORGE: I'm dying for a bit of brekky.

RINGO: Look out.

Sound off, one, two, three, four...

- One, two, three, four... - JOHN: Five.

Five?

- Sound off, one, two, three... JOHN: Four.

- One, two, three... JOHN: Four.

- One, two... JOHN: Three.

- Three? JOHN: Two.

- Two? JOHN: One.

One?

Are you Bluish?

You don't look Bluish.

JOHN: Run for it.

Right, men. We've made it.

- Instruments at the ready. - Okay, on the beat.

A- one, a-two, a-three, a- four, a-five, a-six.

- Can't you make it three? - All right.

On the beat of three... A- one, a-two, a-three...

(THE BEATLES: "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band")

♪ It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play ♪

♪ They've been going in and out of style. But they're guaranteed to raise a smile ♪

♪ So may I introduce to you, the act you've known for all these years ♪

♪ Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ♪

♪ We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ♪

♪ We hope you will enjoy the show ♪

♪ Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ♪

♪ Sit back and let the evening go ♪

♪ Sgt. Pepper's Lonely, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely ♪

♪ Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ♪

It's wonderful to be here, it's certainly a thrill.

You're such a lovely audience,

we'd like to take you home with us.

We'd love to take you home.

♪ I don't really wanna stop the show, but I thought you might like to know ♪

♪ That the singer's gonna sing a song, and he wants you all to sing along ♪

♪ So let me introduce to you, the one and only Billy Shears ♪

♪ Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ♪

Billy...

Shears!

(THE BEATLES: "With a Little Help from My Friends")

♪ What would you think if I sang out of tune? ♪

♪ Would you stand up and walk out on me? ♪

♪ Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song ♪

♪ And I'll try not to sing out of key... ♪

(Bird squawk)

- The hills are alive... - ... with the sound of music.

Who is responsible for this?

Rimsky Korsakov?

Guy Lombardo?

(Giggling)

My dear friend...

let us not forget that heaven is blue.

Tomorrow, the world!

Bring in my Bloobers.

- Who? - Who?

- Who? - Who?

Ahhh.

There you are,

my little Glovey-dovey.

Go get thee hence

and destroy yon upstarts.

Smash them! Squash them!

Crash them!

Oblue-terate them!

Here, your Blueness, have some nasty medicine.

The Glove, the Glove, the Glove!

- Glove? - Glove?

- Glove? - Glove?

He's a clever lad, isn't he?

Open your mouth, it won't hurt.

John, you haven't half got a big mouth, haven't you?

It's easy. All you need is love.

(Rocketing sound)

(THE BEATLES: "All You Need Is Love")

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ There's nothing you can do that can't be done ♪

♪ Nothing you can sing that can't be sung ♪

♪ Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

♪ All you need is love ♪

♪ All you need is love ♪

♪ All you need is love, love, love is all you need ♪

♪ Nothing you can know that isn't known. Nothing you can see that isn't shown ♪

♪ There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

♪ All you need is love. (All together now) ♪

♪ All you need is love. (Everybody) ♪

♪ All you need is love, love, love is all you need ♪

♪ All you need is love ♪

♪ All you need is love ♪

♪ All you need is love, love... ♪

Go, Glove, lovely Glove.

You took the words right out of my mouth, John.

Hey, wait, and watch.

It's all in the mind, you know.

♪ Love is all you need, love is all you need... ♪

Hey, that's a funny place to leave a goldfish bowl.

JOHN: In Pepperland, all things are possible.

PAUL: It's not a goldfish bowl. RINGO: Just a big glass bowl, then.

- It's blue glass. - It must be from Kentucky.

RINGO: There's something inside.

JOHN: Four fellas. GEORGE: What are they doing there?

PAUL: They're not having a ball, that's for sure.

RINGO: It can't be. GEORGE: It's us.

- But we're here. - It's Sgt. Pepper's...

- Lonely... - Hearts Club...

RINGO: Band.

GEORGE: The resemblance is truly striking.

If I could come in here...

I think the theory put forward by Einstein could well be applied here.

The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities,

suspended, as it were, in time,

frozen in space, according to the now famous Theory of Relativity,

which, briefly explained, is simply a matter of taking two eggs...

GEORGE: John! - ... beating lightly

and adding a little salt and pepper...

GEORGE: John! - George?

- How do we get them out? - Break the glass.

- We can't. It's Beatle-proof. - Nothing is Beatle-proof.

Have you got your drumsticks with you? A drum break might shatter it.

- No, I haven't. - Have a look in your pocket.

I've got a hole in my pocket.

I wonder if... Yeah, it still works.

Ringo, we take back all we said.

You're a genius, a sheer genius.

I know, I know, I know.

- Like coloured telly. - Like crystal.

They're decanting.

PAUL: Hello, brother.

RINGO: Yeah, without a doubt.

- We're the spitting image of each other. - Golly, yeah.

I'm led to believe that you're an extension of my personality.

- Yes, I'm the alter-ego man. - And I'm the ego man, goo goo, g'joob.

I'm glad you asked me that.

Because as a matter of fact there's a war on.

Then, brothers in war, to the skirmish must we hence.

Shall we hence?

Let's not waste time sitting on the hence.

Beatles to battle. Charge!

(Trumpet)

(Shouting and screaming)

JOHN: We're surrounded. RINGO: Nice dog, though.

(Barking and growling)

(THE BEATLES: "Hey Bulldog")

♪ Sheepdog... standing in the rain ♪

♪ Bullfrog... doing it again ♪

♪ Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles ♪

♪ What makes you think you're something special when you smile? ♪

♪ Child like... no-one understands ♪

♪ Jack knife... in your sweaty hands ♪

♪ Some kind of innocence is measured out in years ♪

♪ You don't know what it's like to listen to your fears ♪

♪ You can talk to me. You can talk to me ♪

♪ You can talk to me... if you're lonely you can talk to me ♪

♪ Big man... walking in the park ♪

♪ Wigwam... frightened of the dark ♪

♪ Some kind of solitude is measured out in you ♪

♪ You think you know me but you haven't got a clue ♪

♪ You can talk to me. You can talk to me ♪

♪ You can talk to me... if you're lonely you can talk to me ♪

♪ Hey... ♪

(Howling)

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

(Woof)

What do you say? Sing it.

Do you know any more?

(Howling)

(Yelling)

Play it!

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

Jeremy, can it be you?

Can it be me? I think you'd better inquire of the guards,

for when I was captured, they took all my cards.

Shh, that's enough, Jeremy.

- The whole world's being attacked. - What do you want me to do?

Do you recommend fisticuffs versus the guard?

Oh, guard!

Blue Meanio!

Left to the nostril, right uppercut,

right to the eyebrow, left to the gut.

(Giggling)

Jeremy!

Come on, Ringo!

Get back! Get back!

Once more unto the breach, dear Meanies!

You're advancing the wrong way! Retreat backwards!

Get back there now!

My kingdom for a horse!

(Sobbing)

I think I'll tear him up into little pieces.

He does, does he?

Yes, I think I'll make a blueburger out of him.

Ha-ha, I don't care what you think.

You don't, eh?

We'll soon see about that.

He does in truth seem quite annoyed,

some reference material before I'm destroyed.

Where ground is soft most often grows,

Arise, arise, arouse, a rose.

A rosy nose?

Speak your last piece!

Peace, peace, supplant the doom and the gloom.

Turn off what is sour,

turn into a flower and bloom, bloom.

Ha-ha, bloom, ha-ha, bloom, bloom, bloom...

(Screaming)

(Laughing)

First time I saw that Nowhere Man, that nobody,

- I knew he was somebody. - You're right.

Hello there, blue people.

Won't you join us?

Buck up, and otherwise go mingle.

- What do you say? - Max?

Your Blue...

I mean, your Newness!

It's no longer a blue world, Max.

Where could we go?

Argentina?

Are you with us?

Will you join?

- Shall we? - No!

(Shrieking)

Yes, your Newness!

- Yes, Max... JEREMY: Yes.

Oh, yes is a word with a glorious ring,

A true, universal, euphonious thing.

In genders embracing and chasing of blues,

the very best word for the whole world to use. Ha-ha!

Yes, let us mix, Max.

I've never admitted it before,

but my cousin is the Bluebird of Happiness.

(Guitar feedback)

(THE BEATLES: "It's All Too Much")

♪ It's all too much ♪

♪ When I look into your eyes, your love is there for me ♪

♪ And the more I go inside, the more there is to see ♪

♪ It's all too much for me to take ♪

♪ The love that's shining all around here ♪

♪ All the world is birthday cake. So take a piece but not too much ♪

♪ Nice to have the time to take this opportunity ♪

♪ Time for me to look at you, and you to look at me ♪

♪ It's all too much for me to see ♪

♪ The love that's shining all around you ♪

♪ Everywhere, it's what you make ♪

♪ For us to take, it's all too much ♪

♪ It's too much ♪

- Catchy tune, that. - I can't seem to get it out of my head.

- Then shake it. - That's what we've been doing all night.

Yeah, it was a great party.

And we brought back lots of lovely souvenirs.

- Here is the motor. - And I've got a little love.

- And I've got a hole in my pocket. - A hole?

Half a hole, anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy.

What can he do with half a hole?

Fix it to keep his mind from wandering.

Hey. Look at John, will you?

What's the matter, John, love? Blue Meanies?

Newer and bluer Meanies have been sighted

within the vicinity of this theatre.

There's only one way to go out.

- How's that? - Singing.

One...two...three...four!

(THE BEATLES: "All Together Now")

♪ One ♪

♪ Two ♪

♪ Three ♪

♪ Four ♪

♪ Five ♪

♪ Six ♪

♪ Seven, eight, nine, ten ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ B ♪

♪ C ♪

♪ D ♪

♪ E ♪

♪ F ♪

♪ G, H, I, J ♪

♪ All together now. (All together now)... ♪