Original subtitles

- [bell dings] - God, I hate flying.

You know if this plane goes down, the headline's gonna read,

"ChaseDreams 'comma' others, die in plan crash."

We are "comma others."

Just need to see our pilots, and as long as they have

salt-and-pepper hair, I am good.

- Why? - Salt-and-pepper hair.

It's experience, it's knowledge, it's miles.

My ideal pilot is John Slattery.

- This isn't even a real flight, okay?

We're just gonna be circling JFK for 90 minutes.

Why couldn't Chase just release his album in a club?

- Uh, because any idiot can release an album on land.

Only truly bomb people do it in the air.

- Can we please not say bomb and air right now?

- Look, this is gonna be fun, okay?

And we're not gonna die.

- When I say Chase, you say Dreams!

- Chase! - ALL: Dreams!

- Chase! - ALL: Dreams!

- ALL: [cheering]

- Okay, we might die.

- ♪

- Okay, welcome, everyone. And shut up.

Love the excitement. Can't take the noise.

Now, you're here because you're Chase's biggest fans.

And because your parents are rich.

- Is ChaseDreams really on the plane?

- Yes. - [laughing]

- And for you super fans, it's not just Chase on the plane,

but the whole Dream family.

- [crowd cheering]

- Love you, Cary. - I love you, too.

- [cheering continues]

- Hey, Cary.

Your hair is looking a lot less swoopt.

- I know. Why didn't you tell me I looked crazy?

- Well, I was trying to be supportive.

Also, it was also really funny.

- You're the one that told me to ride the wave.

- I told you to use Chase, not become him.

- Once we reach 30,000 feet, we will be streaming live

on ChaseDreams.com.

There are cameras all over the plane, except the bathrooms.

Viewers will be able to watch any camera at any time.

So, if you need to yawn, burp, sneeze, fart, do it now,

and do it fast.

- [fart] - Excellent.

- Ooh, um...

here's a random question.

Lance--he's just such an idiot, right?

- Um, sure.

- But he's, you know--he's kind of cool, as well.

- So you're getting back together with him?

- No! - Yes.

- No.

No, never, I just--

I think you should be nicer to him.

- Okay, Brooke.

God, I wish I had seen those pilots.

- Hey, Car, I know you're scared of flying,

so I thought you might wanna hold Helen for a little bit.

- You brought a pig on the plane?

- It's a therapy pig. I got it for you.

Look, she's very calming, unless you hold her the wrong way,

then she'll attack you in ways you never thought were possible.

- Um, no thank you.

- Okay, I was just trying to help.

- [pig squealing]

- Okay, folks, we are ten minutes out from hearing

Chase's new album!

- [crowd cheering]

- Twelve incredible songs.

We are talking over 19 minutes of music.

- Twelve? I thought it only had three songs.

- Uh-huh. And nine remixes.

- Hey, not to be a bummer, but, um...

how are you doing with today?

- Oh, um...

I'm okay.

- Sorry to bring it up, I-- - No, no, no. It's--

It's good, I mean, it's been almost a year and no one

ever talks about Dad. - Yeah, it sucks.

- I wonder if Chase remembers today's his birthday.

- I'm sure Mom does. I hope she's doing okay.

- Hi, guys! - Oh God.

- Hey! How--how you doing with today?

- I'm great. I'm great.

This is such a big day for Chasey and me.

I'm wearing the first sample from my jewelry line.

- Oh, you have a jewelry line now?

- Yeah, yeah. The book was such a hit that

they're letting me move into apparel now.

This is just a prototype.

The real version will be four times bigger and heavier.

- Okay, I'm gonna go check on Chase.

- I'm wearing it on the live stream

to get feedback from "the marketplace."

- Yeah, wow, you--you're doing a lot.

- [indistinct chatter]

- Hey, kiddo, just wanted to see how you were doing today.

- I guess I feel a little weird.

- Yeah, I figured.

You wanna talk about it? - Sure.

They put a bunch of filler in my lips to make them

look kissable, and then I can't feel them.

- Oh.

- Okay, any last questions before we go live?

- Yeah. Where's my mom?

- Oh, right. She arrived not very camera ready.

So, Cassandra will be your mom for this flight.

- Hello. - That's an upgrade.

- Chase doesn't remember either.

- Oh my God, that is so sad.

- I have said it once, I'll say it again, Cary.

We are the only normal, emotionally stable people

in this family.

- Oh God! Oh God!

- Oh my God.

Come on, that was not even that bad.

- [bell dings]

- TIFF: Hey, guys, it's your captains speaking--

Tiff and Amanda.

- AMANDA: Sorry about the turbulence.

But from now on, we're expecting such a smooth ride.

- TIFF: So relax and enjoy the flight.

- TIFF AND AMANDA: Byeeee!

- Mm, no.

Our pilot's name is Tiff?

- Oh, what? A woman can't be a pilot?

- Okay. - Wow.

Gay misogyny is real.

- No, a woman can be my pilot. Alright?

Meryl Streep can be my pilot.

Viola Davis can be my pilot.

- You'd rather have Viola Davis, the actress,

than two actual pilots?

- [bell dings]

- TIFF: Hey, guys, sorry to bug, but we have now reached

cruising altitude.

- AMANDA: So feel free to unbuckle

and move about the cabins.

- TIFF AND AMANDA: Byeee!

- I know you know what I mean. - No. No, I don't.

- They said "bye" at the same time.

- I love women.

I think all pilots should be women,

and I think all flight attendants should be--

- Yeah, well, we have-- - Oh, shit.

- What?

- It's the guy I used to sleep with by the airport.

Oh my God, he's coming. He's coming.

[snoring]

Ugh! - [bell rings]

- Okay, it's official. We are streaming live!

Say hi to the world, guys!

- ALL: Hi!

- On behalf of ChaseDreams.com, welcome to the release of

"Chase Manhattan," featuring "Speak,"

the number-one song on iTunes for six weeks running.

And now the man behind the music,

ChaseDreams!

- [crowd cheering]

- ♪ We've been a lot of places ♪

♪ Partied in Miami, Argentina, and Ibiza, too ♪

♪ Never leave the dance floor

- GIRLS: [screaming]

- ♪ Dance all day, dance all night ♪

- Calm down, okay.

Thank you guys so much for being here.

Today's a special day, 'cause it is the release

of my first album I ever got to make.

- GIRLS: [screaming]

- It's also special because today would have been

my dad's birthday.

- GIRLS: [aws]

- He was the best, and I really miss him.

He died of cancer.

So, in honor of him, I have a surprise.

I'm gonna donate 10% of my album sales

to the American Cancer Society!

- ALL: [screaming]

- [indistinct whispers]

- What are we doing?

- There's no cameras in here.

- I don't think there's any AC either.

- God, Cary, focus.

Chase just told the whole world that dad died of cancer.

Mom needs to tell him the truth before someone else does.

- I know.

You should talk to her. - What? Why me?

- Because you're Chase's assistant now.

- So? You are way better

at having difficult conversations with Mom.

Remember when you told her you were gay?

- You told her I was gay.

- I mean, who can remember who told what, when?

- She found weed in your purse, so you said, "Cary's gay."

- [laughing] That's right.

Well, in that case, it's your turn.

- ALL: [cheering]

- ♪ Stink my butt, stink, stink, dance until you ♪

- Hey, Mom. Can I talk to you

in the bathroom for a sec? - Sure.

- ♪ N-K, Stink ♪

- Okay, if you guys liked that song,

you're love this next one, 'cause it's the same,

plus horns.

- ALL: [cheering]

- How do people have sex in these things?

They're so small. - Ew, Mom, gross.

How are you not freaking out right now?

- About what?

- Chase just made his entire album about cancer,

and he did not have a dad that died of cancer.

- So, it's still nice.

And what? Are you saying you don't want your brother

raising money for cancer? That's pretty low, Cary.

- No, I don't want my little brother labeled a liar.

- Well, no one knows the truth except for our family.

Well, and the hospital.

And Lisa from down the street.

She's the one who brought me the blow dryer.

- Oh my God, Mom. - But it's not online anywhere.

Even his obituary said cancer.

So this can just be like our new family history.

- Mom, that's not fair to Chase.

- We'll deal with it later.

I mean, he's only said cancer once.

- Okay, guys, I've got another surprise.

This fall, I'm going on tour.

And 10% of the proceeds will also go

to The American Cancer Society.

- GIRLS: [cheering]

- Great idea, Chasey!

You're doing it! You're fighting cancer!

Hi, Shully.

Can I go talk to you in the bathroom for a second?

- ♪

- Listen, is there anyway we can tone down

the whole cancer thing?

- Absolutely not.

This is a pure goldmine.

That's why we made sure every kid on this plane has cancer.

- They do? - No, no, no,

we ended up not doing that,

because we didn't want them coughing over "the music."

- It just feels like cancer's been done before, you know?

Between you and me, I feel like if we were gonna solve cancer,

we really would have by now.

- Trust me, Brooke.

By the end of this blitz, Chase will own cancer.

- Okay, it's--

[sobbing] It's just really hard for me...

to hear cancer.

- Oh, Brooke, I'm sorry.

- Okay, if you're gonna cry, let's get it on the live stream.

- ♪

♪ There's a lot of places

- Can I talk to you in the bathroom for a second?

- Sure. Yeah.

Is everything okay?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. I just wanted to do one of these.

So, what are you guys talking about in here?

- [pig squealing]

- You making fun of me? - What? No.

No, we're just dealing with a family issue, so--

- Oh, good.

Then come on, lay it on me, man, what's the issue?

Alright, because I consider you guys family.

You and Brooke are like grandparents to me.

- That's very nice, but we're gonna handle this internally.

- Okay, you know what I think might help?

Helen. [chuckles] - I don't wanna hold your pig.

- Okay, well, can you? 'Cause she's very heavy.

- Okay, guys, thanks to everyone who bought tickets

to the raffle, all the proceeds are going to--

say it with me now--

- ALL: The American Cancer Society!

[cheering]

- Now the first prize is sick.

- It's hot. Where's Cary?

Oh! Oh my God.

Oh, hi. [giggles]

It's embarrassing.

How are you? - I'm great, Ma'am.

Would you like a beverage? - Huh-uh.

Very funny.

Uh, so no beverage then, Ma'am?

- Are you joking? It's me. It's Brooke.

- Have we met before?

- Yeah, we used to hang out.

At the motel.

By JFK.

- I don't-- - I ate your butt.

Oh my God, sorry, sorry, sorry.

- Okay, guys, this next item

is a chance to be a part of my next music video,

'cause I'll think of you as I film it.

- ALL: [cheering]

- Mom?

- Whooo!

- Hi, Mom! You're having fun!

Can I talk to you in the bathroom for a second?

- ♪

- Mom, what are you doing out there?

I thought Cary talked to you. - He did talk to me.

We both decided we're not gonna tell Chase the truth.

- Uh, Mom. I know that you lied to Chase to protect him,

but you could really hurt him.

- If you two want him to know so bad, why don't you tell him?

- Because I'm not his mom, Mom!

Even though I basically have been

for the last six months. - Is it hot in here?

- Come on, don't change the subject.

- Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

We're not gonna tell Chase.

And starting tomorrow, my name's Roberta, you're Felicia,

Cary's Dante, Chase is Miguel.

We move to South America, we start over.

- What?

No, that is--no, God.

Also, Felicia?

- ♪ My brother's gay

- Yes, gay. Very fun.

This song is about me, yeah.

I love this. Hey, Shully.

Have you seen Brooke?

- I think she's in the bathroom with your mom.

- Thanks, cutie.

- ♪

- Chase is still going very hard on the whole cancer thing.

Have you not told him? - No, she hasn't.

- How 'bout this? We crash the plane.

- Mom? - Not into a building, Cary.

Into a field, so only we die. - Mom, no.

- Well, I don't see you two pitching any ideas.

Oh my God, why is it so hot in here?

- [bell dings] - AMANDA: Hi, you guys.

Not sure if you noticed, but the AC has gone down,

which sucks.

- TIFF: We'll pass out some extra water, but, yeah--

- AMANDA AND TIFF: Sorry, guys!

- I'm just saying, if John Slattery

was our pilot-- - No, the AC has nothing

to do them, that is the grounds crew.

And they are probably all men.

- Okay, I've decided.

I'm not telling Chase. None of us are.

That's my final answer.

Uh, why is this necklace so heavy?

Remind me, they need to be smaller when we sell them.

- ♪

- Okay, guys, here's the next question from

the live stream, comes from a window manufacturer named Tad.

- Hey, listen.

I tried to stay out of this, but your family has a secret.

And I know what it is.

It's shameful, and it's embarrassing.

But it's time you guys came clean.

You all have diarrhea. - What?

- Yes, that's our secret. - Yes, yes.

- Yeah, diarrhea. - Yes, I smelled it

the second you stepped on the plane.

I've been smelling shit this entire flight.

- Yeah, it's nothing to do with the pig you've been holding.

- Hmm-hmm. - No.

- [pig squealing] - [laughing]

- Dream family, just wanna get your take on this.

A couple people on the live stream

are saying that Chase's dad didn't die of cancer.

- ♪

- Um... - Umm...

- ♪

- Mom, we need to tell Chase now.

Do you really want him to find out from a live stream?

- It was probably those stupid nurses!

Or Lisa's dumb, fat son!

- Mom, we have tell to Shully and Streeter, too.

They need to do damage control.

- Why is it so hot in here?

- SHULLY: What's going in there?

- CARY, BROOKE, MOM: Nothing!

- STREETER: Give 'em a sec. They have diarrhea.

- SHULLY: They're all going together?

- STREETER: They're all going together.

- Do you want me to go get Chase?

- GIRL: I need to use the bathroom!

- CARY AND BROOKE: Use the other one!

- GIRL: It's full, too! - Then kill yourself!

- I can't breathe in. I really--I can't breathe.

I can't breathe! I can't breathe!

- ♪ Give you eyes and creatures ♪

♪ My friends think I'm crazy, but I was thinking maybe ♪

- No! - Mom!

- Alright, fine! Fine!

Everyone wants to know the truth about my husband. Great!

Here it is.

He didn't die of cancer.

He was a fucking alcoholic,

and he froze to death on our roof.

- Mom. - I wouldn't let him

drink in front of Chase, so he climbed up to the roof,

and he blacked out, and he froze to death.

And I found him the next morning.

It was one of the worst things I've seen in my entire life.

- Mom!

- Since everyone is so desperate to know all the details

of our family's life, how 'bout this?

He peed himself, too.

And since he blacked out on his stomach,

his dick froze to our roof.

That's right, everybody! That's right!

My husband died with his dick frozen to the roof!

Lisa had to come over with the blower dryer

and help me thaw it off.

We had to get an extension cord.

So there, it's all out in the...

♪ Open

♪ Let's all have a laugh

Let's all laugh at my dead husband!

- Mom, no one's laughing. It's okay.

- He was the only man I ever loved.

I did not want him to be a fucking joke.

- Mom, nobody thinks that he's a joke. No one, okay.

He was a good man. He was a great man.

- I mean, not great. - Cary.

- He was doing the best that he could.

He was born at a certain time in a certain place,

and the gay stuff was very, very hard for him.

But he was doing the best that he could do.

Do you understand? - I know. I know.

- And this is why I didn't want Chase to know!

You two have so many shitty memories of him,

and I just wanted Chase to have something different.

- I know, I--we didn't know you were this sad.

- Yeah, we just thought that you were writing books

and doing Molly and stuff.

- Yeah, well, I know what you think.

"Oh there's Mom with her dumb little book."

I hear you laughing. - Well, that's what they do.

They laugh at people.

They think we're all so dumb. - [pig squealing]

- Oh my God, shut up!

You're not a part of this family.

- And there it is.

She finally admits it.

- I would have said that months ago.

- I just spent the last 30 years of my life

taking care of an alcoholic.

Am I not allowed to have a little fun?

- No, you are.

- You two come home for the holidays.

You come home for the funeral.

And you go back to New York City to your big, fancy life.

And you leave me there.

You leave me there. [sobs]

- I'm sorry, Mom.

We just want you to be happy.

- Yeah, I mean, we like it when you write your books

and make your necklaces.

- I hate this stupid necklace.

It's so big and heavy.

And why is there no AC in here?

- It's just these stupid dumb bitch pilots.

- [bell dings] - AMANDA: Hey, guys!

We're also watching the feeds up here

and really feel for you family.

But I think you know the AC is not on us.

And it's this kind of girl-on-girl sexism

that makes it harder for women everywhere.

- AMANDA AND TIFF: Okay, byeeee!

- I'm sorry, Chasey.

- This might be a bad time, but I remember now.

You did eat my butt.

- Oh no, thank you.

It's actually the perfect time.

- Aw.

- Hey.

I think now might be a good time for Helen.

- Yeah, fine.

- [pig squealing]

- [deep breath]

- Hey, sorry we ruined the live stream or...

- Yeah, sorry I yelled at you.

- No, it's okay.

You know, I know you guys think of me as a big joke.

I see it.

But to be honest, I know exactly where you guys are at right now.

I really do.

My dad, uh, froze on a bench.

- What's that?

- Yeah, I don't like to talk about it but, um,

my dad was an alcoholic, too.

And, uh, when I was 18, he went for a drink in the park,

and he fell asleep.

And he froze on a bench.

[sobbing]

- Oh my God. I mean, we had no idea.

- My dad froze, too.

It was before I was born.

He drank all the time.

And one night, he went ice fishing.

And he froze.

He was so cold.

But anyway-- [sobbing]

- Hey, hey, hey. You guys aren't gonna believe this.

People on the live stream are all sharing stories about

their dads freezing. Yeah.

Hundreds of people.

The hashtag #mydadfroze is trending across America.

Well, mostly in the Midwest,

and specifically Brandon, Minnesota.

- My God, that's so sad.

- No, this is great.

Everyone talks about cancer.

But no one talks about alcohol abuse

or dicks freezing to roofs.

But your family has brought both issues to light.

- Oh, I guess--I guess that's good

in, like, a weird, sick way.

- Okay, so Chase and I had a nice talk.

And we decided that he's gonna take a month off.

No album press, no tours, nothing.

And I don't care what anybody says,

I'm his mother, and I'm putting my foot down.

- Okay. - Great.

- Yeah, I mean, definitely.

- Oh my God. Okay.

I just got the craziest email.

They want Chase to perform at the VMAs.

- GIRLS: [cheering]

- Wait, like the actual VMAs?

- Whoa, that's huge. - I know.

This is gonna change everything.

- Well, when are they?

- Two weeks.

- Uh, okay, instead of a month,

Chase will take two weeks off, but no less.

- I totally you hear you,

but he needs to start rehearsals Thursday.

- Okay, he'll take five days off.

- And he has a fitting tomorrow.

- He'll go to bed early tonight.

But I mean it, no screens. I'm serious.

Straight to bed. - Are you excited?

- Yeah. - I know, me, too.

Wait, what are the VMAs exactly?

- Hey, Brooke told me about your dad.

I'm so sorry, Streeter.

- Oh, that was a lie.

- What? - Yeah, my dad's alive.

I just said he froze to help you guys out.

You know, turn a meltdown into a movement.

- Wow.

Well, thank you. - Uh.

- You are one smart man, Streeter.

- You know what? I am really smart.

Also, I got you this Imodium for your diarrhea.

- Oh, thank you.

- STREETER: Yep, I am a--

- [pig squeals] - STREETER: --oh, Helen, no!

- MOM: So let me know what you think, marketplace.

Also gonna come in a turquoise.

And we got it in a chocolate brown.

Also, we're thinking about expanding into fanny packs, but

we'd call them Fanny Pass. Isn't that cute, marketplace?

- CARY: Hey, Mom. Can I talk to you for a bathroom for a sec?