All language subtitles for The Detour s04e08_English

[ Insects chirping ][ Dial tone ]

Zero. One. One. Four.[ Telephone beeps ]

Is that a two?

Is that...

[ Phone beeping ]

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

[ Line rings ]

♪♪

[ Ringing continues ]

♪♪

Gummy-bear.

How are you?Robin: Jack?

Hey, have you heard from
our -- our kids?

Nate: Hey, uh...
Mr. Randall.

Nate Parker here,
uh, Robin's husband.

Uh, uh, we're just calling all
our family members

to see if the kids
have checked in.

You know, it's just what you do
when they go --

[ Clicking ]

What was that?[ Clicking continues ]

Has someone
tapped the phone?

Mom! Get off the phone, please!
We're on it.

Please tell me
this line is secure.

Hi. It's Helen.
What's the soup tonight?

Mom, get off
the phone!

You want to call me back
at a more convenient time?

No, I don't want to wander
all the way down the hall

for that mop water
you call hot and sour.

What's the soup?

It's chicken noodle.Oh, that's great.
That's her favorite.

I don't know what the soup is. Well, don't lie to her
about the soup.

It's important.
It's not!

Oh, I'm sorry.

So, if you were expecting
chicken noodle

and some stringy garbage
like vegetable medley shows up,

you're not gonna be
pissed about it?

We're looking for
our ch-- Jack?

Has either Delilah or Jared
contacted you?

Uh, they have, yeah.
Twice, in fact.

About a year ago
at the Canadian border,

the girl came to see me
about a job,

but she wasn't cut out
for it.

She's not like you.
Her moral compass is too strong.

She also doesn't have
your natural gift

for sociopathic deception.

♪♪

Nate's Mom:
What's the chicken tonight?

[ Asian accent ]
General Tso's chicken, lady.

Don't do that voice.

Thank you, Ling.

Mom, that
wasn't Ling!

Sounds like Ling!

Mom!!
Get off the phone!

[ Normal voice ] Jack,
when was the second time

you heard from Delilah?

Uh...

yesterday.

She's on her way here,
to Russia.

I think she's bringing the boy.

Why wouldn't you
call me?!

Because she told me
not to.

She doesn't want
to see you.

She's my daughter.

Uh-huh.
And you're mydaughter.

And the last time we spoke,
you said, and I quote,

"Stay out of my life,
you meddling old man.

Don't ever contact me again."

And I respected that.

All right, well,
I'm nothing like you.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, but you are.

[ Gunfire ]

Nobody escapes
who they really are.

Are those gunshots?I tell you, Ling,

the way this neighborhood
is going,

I wouldn't be surprised.

There were some negro children playing hopscotch suspiciously,

and I --Get off the phone!

And I called...

[ Indistinct shouting]

Listen, I'll keep my eye open
for the kids,

but I got to be honest
with you,

my hands are really full
right now.

[ Vehicle approaching ]

♪♪

Not the Taurus.

Shit.

♪♪

[ Speaks Russian ]

[ Cellphone rings ]

♪♪

[ Ringing stops ]

Hello?

Oh, hey, there.
It's Nate Parker calling.

What's the dessert
tonight?

We don't want orange slices
and milk again.

It's not dessert.
I know.

We ordered
the Golden Nosh plan,

and that comes with, at least,
babka or hamantaschen.

Uh, what is hamantaschen?

[ Theme song sung
in foreign language ]

[ Distorted music plays ]

♪♪

Would you get a haircut

or at least buy a hat
to get it out of your eyes?

Okay, relax, Mom.

Don't ever call me that.
I'm nothing like her.

That woman is
a sociopathic liar

who would say anything
to get what she wants.

Well, hello, there.

You two looking
for your parents?

No, I'm a palliative caregiver,
and my patient here

doesn't have
too much time left.

[ Coughs ]

He always wanted
to see Red Square.

What are the chances we can
get on a flight to Moscow?

You're pretty young
to be a doctor.

You're pretty "in a vest"
to be a nosy douche.

Okay.

Well, I've got
something for ya.

Looks like we're gonna
getcha there.

Well, good,
'cause that's your job.

No direct, unfortunately.
How 'bout a one-stopper?

That would be great,
thanks.

That would be great
if I could find that.

[ Keyboard clacking ]Which I can't.

I do, however,
have a two-plus stop.

How many stops is that,
"Welcome to Walmart"?

It's just a vest.
They make me wear it.

And it's nine stops.

♪♪

You know what?
You're nothing like Mom at all.

She would have told him
he looked hot in that vest,

and we would have
gotten there direct.

♪♪

Nine stops?!
That is miserable.

Why didn't you do
your thing?
What thing?

You know, your thing.
This thing.

How am I supposed
to show my tits

to an international
ticket database?

I don't know,
I'm not the sociopath.

All right. Easy with that.Okay, let's find
another airline, and --

Oh, shit.

This guy.Well, yo ho ho,
and a bottle of dumb.

[ Laughs ]

I get it. I get it.

That's a reference to me.
Because I'm the ho.

And he's the bottle
of dumb.

I mean, it's funny,
'cause it's true,

'cause he's so dumb.

Yeah, I know, right?[ Chuckling ]

What are you doing?

Gene here is taking
his handsome man trip

to Russia.
Handsome man.

That's a, uh...
charter flight?

Charter flight.Charter flight.

There's plenty of room on those
things for anybody.

Plenty of room
for you.

[ Laughing ]
Oh, God, for me.

Let's do this.

Excuse me, sir.

♪♪

God damn it.
She is good.

Coats, watches, jewelry,
shoes, and belts

must all come off
and go into the bin.

Coats in the bin,
shoes on the belt,

jewelry in the bins,
belts on the belts.

Lace-up boots?
That's such a rookie move.

[ Changes jostling ]

And change?
Who the hell brings change?

Medallion Plus members
shouldn't have to endure this.

Any liquids
in your bag, ma'am?

Of course,
gotta stay hydrated.

All liquids must be dumped
in the garbage, ma'am.

Wait. It's just water.

Why can't I bring water?This guy brought water one time,

and didn't know
there was actually a bomb in it.

Have you never
flown before?

Only private, douche.

Secondary!

Okay, ma'am,
now with my prayer hands,

I will run them down
your sternum

between
your mammary glands.

I don't think
it's the government's job

to harass pretty little
white girls.

I'm tired of it.Yeah, we're tired of it.

You say that out loud,
and they call you a "racist."

And let you for "not reflecting
the views of America."

Now with the backs
of my thumbs,

I will be tracing
the outline of the mons veneris

down and parallel
to your labial folds.

I mean, what have you
ever done to anyone

with that milky
alabaster skin?

And now, with bear claw hands,
as to remain professional

and not accidentally insert
any digits in your anal cavity,

I will be applying
gentle pressure here.

You know what --
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.

Just get right up in there.
Feel anything?

Anything in there?
I got nothing to hide.

You know why? 'Cause I got
a super-shallow crack.

Tertiary!

What's that mean?Basically,
everything we just did,

expect one of us will
still have his clothes on.

This airport is
unbelievable.

First, the TSA loses my shoes.

Then the only shoes
available for purchase

are these orange heel-y things
from Syra-shoes.

I swear to God,
I feel so violated.

[ Groans ]

Oh, shit.
Oh, sh--

Oh, my God.

You okay, babe?No.

Walk it off, babe.
I'm gonna go get molested.

[ Groans ]

You okay?

Nope.
[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Groans ]
Shit!

♪♪

This is my chair.
Get your gross feet off.

Jesus.

Would you say you find trouble
or trouble finds you?

[ Chair creaks ]Ugh! God!

First her with the feet,
now him with the entire body.

This is my chair!

Don't use it
as an assistive device

to get your fat ass up.

Engage your core.

And if you don't know
where it is,

lift up your gut
and find it.

Ma'am, you cannot speak
to people that way.

[ Scoffs ]

So I'm the asshole.

♪♪

Come on, man. Come on.
Are you sleeping?

Move your seat up.

[ Rumbling ]

Don't worry about
these little bumps.

I'm not.

Did you --
Did you lose your seat?

A little bit of a light chop.
They call it turbulence.

Yeah, I know. I know.

I-I forget why
they call it that.

'Cause the --
the air flow's "turbulent."

Oh, that's it.
That's it.

And, of course,
no reason to be nervous.

Like I said, I-I'm not,
but, you know,

I-I think you should really
find your seat.

♪♪

[ Rumbles ][ P.A. chimes ]

Man: Ladies and gentlemen,
please fasten your seatbelts

and remain seated.

Well, looks like
you're stuck with me now.

[ Seatbelt clicks ]

You know what?

How 'bout you...

have one of these?

Oh, no.
I shouldn't.

Oh, yeah.
No, you should.

You should.
It'll help your nerves.

I don't want to sit here
and listen to 'em.

Mason: Yo, yo, yo, yo!

This is the bro classical
renaissance hypebeast.

You got to be kidding. The comedy Bugatti,

the info Lambo,
this is Mason The Block!

Are you kidding me?

Can I just cut to
the right now, fam?

How tired are we of
this Cheeto in Chief?

[ Laughter, scattered applause]

This guy's so orange,

nothing rhymes with him.

[ Laughter]

He's such a criminal,

orange is the new orange.

[ Laughter,
cheers and applause]

My producers told me that was
intellectual comedy.

[ Laughter]

Jesus Christ,
another unique take on politics.

What's he eviscerating
this week?

Why are you so judgmental?
'Cause he's your ex?

No, 'cause he sucks.

If you have a TV show,
you should be

funnier and smarter than me,
and he's neither.

Ow! Ow!

Oh, my God,
I love this guy.

He is so funny
and so smart.

Why don't you be happy
for the guy

and say something nice...

Mom?

[ Laughter ]

Ha! A-ha!

Fine. I'm Mom.
You happy?

Why would that
make me happy?

♪♪

I wish this was more
of an à la carte thing,

'cause I've got 17's rack.

14's legs.

9's nose, and, uh...

2's left eyebrow.

Perfect.

[ Slurring ] Oh!
That makes me so happy.

[ Chuckles ]
It's good.

You know, it's funny,

no matter how much
I intellectualize it,

planes just doesn't
make any sense.
Yeah.

I mean, a big piece of metal
in the sky?

I mean, h-how does
that even work?

Thrust and lift.

I've heard that,
but what does it even mean?

Well...

Hi.

I don't want to alarm
the other passengers,

but we have slight medical
emergency in the cockpit.

Our captain,
Captain Ron Weaver...

Oh.[ Chuckles ]

...has come down with
a bit of the flu.

Oh.

And a little birdy told me

we have
a reserve pilot here.

Oh.
Yeah,
and that birdy is ready to fly.

[ Both chuckle ]

Wait, what?
You're a pilot?

You're so nervous.

Nervous flier.

Very, very
confident pilot.

See?

Oh.

Except on these
big birds.

Not nearly enough
experience.

The death multiplier
on your mistakes is like...

[ Exhales ]

Okay. Here I go.Wait. No, no, no!

You're letting that guy
fly this plane?

Ah, First Officer is
fine by himself.

Why don't you have a drink?
It'll calm you down.

I di--
I had...

[ Gulps, burps ]

[ Laughter ]

It's funny,
'cause it's true!

Ow! Ow!

[ Laughter ]

He's not funny!

He's not even telling jokes!
He's just dancing!

Ma'am, settle down,

or we will have to
put this plane on the ground.

[ P.A. chimes ]First Officer: Folks,
from the flight deck,

looks like we're gonna have
to make an emergency landing

due to the, uh...

excessive amount of vomit
up here in the cockpit.

Instruments are --[ Ed retches]

Aw, Jesus!

The air sickness bag is
right there, God damn it!

[ Retching continues]

God damn it!

Hey, where are we?Flight Attendant: Ma'am --

Can someone tell me
where we are?
Sit down.

You need to be seatbelted.
It's the law.

In what country?
I don't what countr--

This country is
just blank!

Babe!

Babe?!

Mason: Yo, yo, yo![ Cackles ]

[ Middle Eastern music plays ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations
in foreign languages ]

[ Man speaks Farsi ]

Why is he yelling at us?I'm scared.

[ Speaks in Farsi ]

Who would've thought
a half gallon of vomit

would write off an jet?

That's the Tupolev for ya.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I can't believe
they're making me cover my head.

Oh, my God,
would you let it go?

How about you don't have to
worry about your hair for once?

Yeah, well,
it's a double standard, Nate.

You know, you get
to roll up here in clown shoes,

and I'm in head prison.

It's a beautiful scarf
that I bought it.

It's an oppressive law.

Oh, my God. Why can't it be
the height of feminism?

Oh, my --
You're rejecting
society's views

that you have to look sexy
all the time.

I would like to have the choice
to look sexy all the time.

I've known you
for 16 years.

You've "chosen" to dress sexy
for me twice.

Yes, and I would like to have
the choice to dress sexy.

I'm taking it off.

Don't do that here.Ow! Ow! Ow!

[ Women shouting in Farsi ]

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm American.
I don't speak oppression.

She's American.
I'm half Canadian.

Scarf. Now.

Make Up. Too heavy.

I've always told her that.
She's a natural beauty.

Ah! Pants. Too short.
This -- too tight.

Okay, you know
what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna do what
the women around here

should have done
back in 1979 --

I'm just gonna --

[ Both muttering ]

Like this?
Is this how you do it?

Go.
Thanks very much.

[ Scoffs ]
Americans.

[ Grunts ]

Shit.

Very cool shoes.

[ Speak Farsi ]

♪♪

[ Scoffs ]
You need haircut.

Please indicate on the form
how you heard about Iran.

I don't understand
why we have to clear customs.

We didn't even get
off the plane.

This is just stop eight
on our way to Russia.

How you heard
about Iran?

From a man in a vest.

Oh, don't worry.
Not a boom vest or anything.

Uh, we're not the kind of guys
to bring that up.

Please.

[ Slowly ]
Write in how you

heardabout us.

There.

Stop being
such a dick.

Just write it.

A cat told you?

Mm-hmm.
He was Persian.

[ Murmuring ]

Oh, yes. Hi.

Oh, shit.

Oh, sure,
I'm a dick,

and then you go make a comment
about the smell on here?

That's borderline racist.

What? No. Look.

This curtain closes, right,
to keep out the riffraff?

First class!
Come on, bab--

Shit!Gene: Whoa!

[ Nate groans ]Quick, let's go.

Go where?
We're on a plane.

We got to go to --
Go to the back!

Delilah: Just get
in the bathroom!

Go, go!

♪♪

Oh, shit.

[ P.A. chimes ]First class.

Thank you Uncle Gene

for taking a year of Farsi
in college.

[ Speaks Farsi ]

I don't know
what that means.

Boom!
[ Laughs ]

We got a --
We got blankets.

I don't think
that was Farsi.Awesome.

Oh, look at this.
Sleep mask.
Mm-hmm.

That'll come
in handy.

I'll be too excited
to sleep.

Nuts.
I got nuts.

I got ear plugs.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.

Socks! Socks!

I got socks.

And d-- dates!

Two dates!
Double dates.

Can I offer you
a drink, sir?

You know what -- I haven't had
an alcoholic beverage

in over year,
and I think it's about time.

Yes, you can.

I will take
one of those

champagne and orange juice
thingys.

Unfortunately,
Iran is a dry country.

I know it's dry.
That's why I need a drink.

Mm, no alcohol.

I can offer you water.

I'll gladly accept.

Still nice to be asked.This plane smells so bad.

Whoa. Whoa.

You cannot say that.

Why not?

'Cause it's
a loaded thing.

You can't say
other races smell bad.

This plane is
not a race.

And it would be racist
to not say it smells bad

because you're afraid you look
like a racist if you do.

Oh, look at this.

Fancy.
It's just water.

Folks, I want to apologize
for the smell.

The economy bathroom is broken,
and it really smells.

[ Hushed ]
This airline sucks.

♪♪

A little legroom.

I like that.

Ahhh!
First class!

First class!

♪♪

I've never seen a squat toilet
on a plane before.

Squat toilets are proven
much more effective

for passing stool.

[ Rumbling ]

[ Man speaking Farsi ]

What does that mean?

[ Woman speaks Farsi ]

Oh, that was close.

♪♪

[ Rumbling ]

[ Both scream ]

Do you
hear that.

Hmm? No.

Hey, can I get
some more nuts?

Of course.Yeah.

The hot ones --
really good.

[ Grinding ]

You want to shower first,
or should I?

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

[ Engines whining ]

[ Grunts ]

Hoo.

Thank you so much
for that flight.

It was really, really --
Merci.

That's French, dum-dum.

I'm happy you enjoyed.No, I really --

I don't want to overstep
my cultural boundaries,

but, uh, your hijab --
just beautiful.

It really is.

It brings out your eyes.

Merci.

See?
Yeah, okay.

So, uh, I'm gonna
go find my dad.

You're gonna go
to the American Embassy

and get us some help, yes?

Yeah. I know, I know.

Apropos of nothing,

This has been, like,
the smoothest trip

we have ever taken.

I agree.

Aside from being slapped around
by the Modesty Police.

Well, you kind of had it coming.I'll take it.

I just feel like it's easier
when it's the two of us.

You know, I think --

I think maybe it's the kids
that have been

getting in the way
the whole time.

Oh. Yeah, no.

It is definitely
the kid--

[ Groans ]
Jesus Christ.

Ugh.

Quick. Let's go.

Mom and Dad are gone.

Please. Change into it.
It's all I had.

Uh, no. Thank you.
We couldn't.

Please. You wear it.

You smell like shit.

♪♪

♪♪

Jared: This is scary.

Delilah: Totally.

What the hell
happened here?

And why is there milk
everywhere?

Eugh.

And why is there
so many soccer balls?

Okay. Just focus, okay?

You know, you got to dote
on Peepaw a little

before we ask him
for money.

"Peepaw, we love you.
Peepaw, we miss you.

Peepaw, why doesn't our mother
let us have

a meaningful relationship
with you?"

You know,
shit like that.

Peepaw!

Peepaw,
your grandkids are here!

Where the hell is he?

How should I know?

This is where
he said to meet him?

♪♪

Those are soldiers.

And they have guns
in their hand.

And there's bullets
all over the ground.

What the hell did you
get me into?
I'm sorry.

I don't want to be here anymore.
I want to go home.

Okay, okay.

Are you guys looking
for somebody?

Hoods down.
Hoods down.

[ Gate clangs ]

♪♪

My husband was right.

Those oppressive outfits...

[Voice breaking]
really do accentuate

the features that matter.

[ Sniffles ]

You have the most
beautiful eyes.

♪♪

And I want you to know
that you have the choice

to stop hiding
anytime you want.

♪♪

Please.

♪♪

[ Voice breaking ]
I'm so sorry.

Don't be sorry.

[ Sobbing ]Don't be sorry.

No, you're fine.
You're fine.

You okay?

I'm okay.I love you guys.

Are youokay?
Yeah.

You're doing fine,
right?

Okay.
Let's get out of here.

♪♪

Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.

Do you know him?Okay, just -- No, I don't.

Just shut up.

Shh, shh.

Hi. Hello.
Hi.

You are J.R.'s family?

Your dad --
He's at the Embassy right now.

He's gonna get us help, okay?
He's gonna get us out of here.

Okay.

♪♪

♪♪