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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,410 --> 00:00:07,207 Room three. Bound to be a boy. 2 00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,081 Oh, let's not start this. 3 00:00:09,130 --> 00:00:11,439 Unless it's a day that begins with a T-H. 4 00:00:11,490 --> 00:00:14,129 Only been wrong seven times. Which is an odd number. 5 00:00:14,170 --> 00:00:16,400 Hello, yes, the editor of the Lancet? 6 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:18,361 Gender is determined by room numbers. 7 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:22,164 No, no, nothing to do with chromosome pairs... Hello? 8 00:00:22,210 --> 00:00:24,485 Well, I wouldn't want to go into labour today. 9 00:00:24,530 --> 00:00:26,521 Wednesday's child is full of woe. 10 00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:29,687 So you're saying that roughly one seventh of the population 11 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,561 - is full of woe? - Yes. 12 00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:34,329 Well, that's just stupid, because it's way more than that. 13 00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:35,598 - Morning. - Ah, Matthew. 14 00:00:35,650 --> 00:00:38,483 Someone who'll rise above all this superstitious nonsense. 15 00:00:38,530 --> 00:00:41,203 - You're in room nine. - Mmm. 16 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,320 - What's wrong with room nine? - Haunted. 17 00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:44,644 Oh, right. 18 00:00:44,690 --> 00:00:46,965 Right, OK, listen up, everyone. 19 00:00:47,010 --> 00:00:49,478 Some clown has broken into the drugs cupboard. 20 00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:51,202 - How do you know? - What do you mean? 21 00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:52,808 Were there extra-large footprints? 22 00:00:52,850 --> 00:00:54,329 Traces of white face paint? 23 00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:56,486 - A big bucket of confetti? - This is very serious. 24 00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:58,168 It's now a police matter. 25 00:00:58,210 --> 00:01:00,565 So, a little bit less of your, you know... 26 00:01:00,610 --> 00:01:02,566 stupid, childish tomfoolery. 27 00:01:02,610 --> 00:01:04,885 (Gasps) Tomfoolery? (Whistles) 28 00:01:04,930 --> 00:01:07,205 There's something on your... (Honks) 29 00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:10,640 I'm glad they didn't break into the cake cupboard. 30 00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:16,481 There's a new love starting 31 00:01:16,530 --> 00:01:18,964 And I wanna play a part in it 32 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:24,202 - Mate, this is it. - What's it? 33 00:01:24,890 --> 00:01:26,960 Crime in this very hospital. 34 00:01:27,010 --> 00:01:29,001 Yay! How will we celebrate? 35 00:01:29,050 --> 00:01:31,041 - You know what I mean. - Sometimes. 36 00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,399 - I'm a security guy, right? - Mm. 37 00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:36,681 Well, to be honest, most of the time there isn't any insecurity. 38 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,960 Oh, there's plenty of insecurity, trust me. 39 00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:41,808 Just out of interest, how many security guards are there? 40 00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:43,488 Three. 41 00:01:43,530 --> 00:01:45,964 Well, good to know you've got backup. Be safe, eh? 42 00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:48,001 Always use protection, mate. 43 00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:50,041 With the drug thieves. 44 00:01:50,090 --> 00:01:52,399 Unlikely. I don't even know who they are. 45 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:56,083 - Lisa! Lisa! Please, wait. - The last time you were here 46 00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:58,724 people thought you were a serial killer on the rampage. 47 00:01:58,770 --> 00:01:59,839 I've changed. 48 00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:01,448 Taken off your butcher's outfit? 49 00:02:01,490 --> 00:02:03,560 No, I've taken up anger management classes. 50 00:02:03,610 --> 00:02:05,646 - Really? - Well, I would've, 51 00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:08,079 but the forms are so stupid. They're just... 52 00:02:08,130 --> 00:02:09,882 Sound like the same old Ryan to me. 53 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,728 It's not... Look, listen. OK, look, test me. Test me. 54 00:02:12,770 --> 00:02:15,409 OK, say someone drove into the back of you on the dodgems. 55 00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:17,168 Would you, A) laugh, 56 00:02:17,210 --> 00:02:19,519 or B) get out and throw their toffee apple 57 00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:21,049 into the Lucky Ducks pond? 58 00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:23,046 - That was one time. - She was six years old. 59 00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:25,558 - She knew what she was doing! - OK, here's another one. 60 00:02:25,610 --> 00:02:28,647 Are midwife and butcher equally valid as jobs? 61 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,681 - Yes. - For a man? 62 00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,448 No, no. 63 00:02:32,490 --> 00:02:34,685 Yeah, this is the new open-minded Ryan, is it? 64 00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,482 Oh, my God. I am! I'm open-minded, OK? 65 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,009 But now you've brought him into it. 66 00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:39,722 - Who? - The freak! 67 00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:42,284 What if I was to tell you that the freak had asked me out? 68 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:43,763 - He hasn't, has he? - No. 69 00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,721 But supposing he were to, one day. 70 00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:47,965 Supposing he was to work out a way to do that. 71 00:02:48,010 --> 00:02:50,205 I would be cool with that. 72 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,400 Because, one, he's not gonna manage that, 73 00:02:52,450 --> 00:02:54,520 and, two, you'd say no, anyway, so... 74 00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:56,925 Would I? Enigmatic look. 75 00:02:56,970 --> 00:03:00,087 - No, don't "enigmatic look" me. - Stay where you are. Security? 76 00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:02,121 Don't enigmatic look me. Lisa! 77 00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:05,719 It's as clear as day. We've got a dad in room six 78 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:08,648 who's a drummer in a band, and some drugs go missing. 79 00:03:08,690 --> 00:03:10,601 My cat could work it out. 80 00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:13,039 You can't just accuse all drummers of taking drugs. 81 00:03:13,090 --> 00:03:15,399 - Or of being thieves. - You mark my words. 82 00:03:15,450 --> 00:03:17,680 Hold on, Pat, did you say you had a cat? 83 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:18,845 I do, yes. 84 00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:20,687 - What colour is it? - Black and white. 85 00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:22,527 And you're involved in deliveries? 86 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,003 Every day, so what? 87 00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:27,679 I put it to you that you are in fact Postman Pat. 88 00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:30,563 - (Groans) Stupid man. - No more stupid than you saying 89 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,999 that because someone's a drummer they steal drugs. 90 00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:36,008 Midwife Matt, midwife Matt, midwife Matt 91 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,518 And his girlfriend Pat 92 00:03:38,570 --> 00:03:40,242 Sorry. 93 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,518 Mr Edward, might need you to step in later. 94 00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:45,128 I've got a primip in room nine. 95 00:03:45,170 --> 00:03:46,888 Room nine. Good. 96 00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:51,048 By the way, we've had a large quantity of drugs stolen. 97 00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:52,318 - Yes, I know. - Interesting. 98 00:03:52,370 --> 00:03:54,884 - Perhaps you did it. - No, someone told me. 99 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,329 Someone told you to do it. 100 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,520 No, I was told it had been done by Caitlin. 101 00:03:58,570 --> 00:04:00,879 Caitlin wouldn't have done it. Don't be absurd. 102 00:04:00,930 --> 00:04:03,080 Caitlin told all of us that it had happened. 103 00:04:03,130 --> 00:04:06,361 Right, well, my radar tells me you are involved. 104 00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:07,809 You are the type. 105 00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:10,159 - I'm an ex-policeman. - Exactly. 106 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:13,805 Emphasis on the ex. Not suited to the police force, I hear. 107 00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:16,728 Because I wanted something more fulfilling. 108 00:04:16,770 --> 00:04:19,648 Translation - because I wanted my latest fix. 109 00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:20,759 What? 110 00:04:20,810 --> 00:04:23,483 Matthew, you behave like a drug addict. 111 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,361 - In what way? - You mutter things 112 00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:28,288 - people don't understand. - (Mutters incomprehensibly) 113 00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,002 - Pardon? - Room nine. 114 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,000 Definitely on something. 115 00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:42,170 Ripped By mstoll 116 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:47,925 So someone's just opened up a new Irish bar on Shaw Street. 117 00:04:47,970 --> 00:04:49,449 Wasn't me. 118 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,606 No, I didn't think it was. Um... 119 00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:54,244 - I was just wondering... - What the name means? 120 00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:59,568 Well, it's at number 2B on Shaw Street, 121 00:04:59,610 --> 00:05:01,805 and so what they've cleverly done 122 00:05:01,850 --> 00:05:04,045 is they've named it To Be Sure. 123 00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:07,480 It's a sort of... play on words, so it is. 124 00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:09,441 I get it. I get it, yes. 125 00:05:09,490 --> 00:05:11,162 I mean, I was just thinking... 126 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:13,280 That I wouldn't be seen dead in such a place? 127 00:05:13,330 --> 00:05:15,321 - Well, yes, you'd be right. - Yep. 128 00:05:15,370 --> 00:05:18,123 That's... That's what I was thinking. 129 00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:21,321 There are other places, though. 130 00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,041 - There are, aren't there? - Mm-hm. 131 00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:26,364 - Maybe we... - Hey. 132 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,162 Hi. Hey. Wow, you're... 133 00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:30,440 Yeah, I'm just doing a bit of dusting. 134 00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:33,288 Mm. Yeah. State of this place. Should really get a cleaner. 135 00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:35,888 - They're expensive. - Yeah. 136 00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:37,443 - So... - So... 137 00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:39,605 - Anyway... - Yeah. 138 00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:41,402 I should get back to the housework. 139 00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:43,247 - Missed a bit. - I miss you. 140 00:05:43,290 --> 00:05:47,124 For getting the things down from the high shelf in the kitchen. 141 00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:49,525 - And other stuff. - Well, I'd better get on. 142 00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:51,561 - I'll see you around. - Bye. 143 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,442 - So do you know her? - Who's that? 144 00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:57,481 - Her, in there. - Oh, right. 145 00:05:57,530 --> 00:05:59,646 - Well? - Well, what? 146 00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:02,807 - You didn't introduce me. - Yeah. No. Yeah. 147 00:06:02,850 --> 00:06:05,762 - That... That's Jess. - Oh, yeah, Jess, great, cool. 148 00:06:05,810 --> 00:06:07,641 - And? - Oh, we just shared a flat. 149 00:06:07,690 --> 00:06:09,169 You know, mates. Colleagues. 150 00:06:09,210 --> 00:06:11,201 Mate! Mate! Jess is here. 151 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:15,528 Oh, proper weird that, innit? Having your ex show up. Ooh-hoo. 152 00:06:15,570 --> 00:06:17,959 He's always been obsessed by her. Haven't you? 153 00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:19,489 Ah... 154 00:06:19,530 --> 00:06:22,169 Well, good news. Apparently she's single again. 155 00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:24,280 - Whoop. - You can bury the hatchet. 156 00:06:24,330 --> 00:06:26,798 - I'd like to bury a hatchet. - Yeah, patch things up. 157 00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:29,159 - You should patch things up. - Get out for a drink. 158 00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:31,087 Yeah, you should get out for a drink. 159 00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:33,007 Wait... 160 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:35,086 - Happy annivers... - (He screams) 161 00:06:35,130 --> 00:06:36,802 - Oh! Wow. - Sorry. 162 00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:38,761 - No, nice balanced stance. - Yeah. 163 00:06:38,810 --> 00:06:40,368 The training's still there. 164 00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:43,368 Yeah. So, Matthew, happy anniversary. 165 00:06:43,410 --> 00:06:44,843 Thank you. Of? 166 00:06:44,890 --> 00:06:48,929 Exactly one full month since you started working here. 167 00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:50,847 - Is that a thing? - Yeah. 168 00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:55,486 Also, coincidentally, exactly seven and a quarter weeks 169 00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:57,327 since my marriage disintegrated. 170 00:06:57,370 --> 00:06:59,042 Ah. Aw... 171 00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:01,479 No, no, it's a good thing. It's a great thing. 172 00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,964 So I was thinking, to celebrate, 173 00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:07,082 tonight I've got a table at a restaurant that I... 174 00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:09,086 Faaaaaaaaaa... 175 00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,121 Cos I have that thing. Yeah... 176 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:13,923 - Don't worry. Seriously. - Thanks. 177 00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:17,406 - Another time, obviously. - Totes. Don't worry. 178 00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:18,849 Oh, God. 179 00:07:18,890 --> 00:07:22,439 Looks like that table will remain free. 180 00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:24,287 Oh, what a pity. 181 00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:27,208 Do you have to be sarcastic all of the time? 182 00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,206 (Chuckles) No, not all of the time. 183 00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:31,286 Because it's just "so refreshing". 184 00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:34,845 Just what you need, given your job is so stressful. 185 00:07:34,890 --> 00:07:37,358 My job isn't nearly as stressful as yours. 186 00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:39,526 Then perhaps you do need to go out to dinner. 187 00:07:39,570 --> 00:07:42,323 Perhaps we both need to go out to dinner together. 188 00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:44,600 - Together, yes. - Well, I can't wait. 189 00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:46,208 No, neither can I. 190 00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:50,567 I haven't told you where the restaurant is or what time... 191 00:07:50,610 --> 00:07:53,329 I'll follow. At a discreet distance. 192 00:07:55,730 --> 00:07:58,039 Yeah, Jess and I were together for... a bit. 193 00:07:58,090 --> 00:08:01,287 - Oh, yeah? Cool. How long? - About six years. 194 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:03,241 A bit? That's like World War Two. 195 00:08:03,290 --> 00:08:05,565 - Imagine she's the Germans. - So she started it? 196 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,487 Let's just say she opened a second front. 197 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,998 So... she had surgery? 198 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:12,041 No, she... 199 00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:14,160 She started seeing someone else. 200 00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:17,008 One of the petty criminals we were investigating. 201 00:08:17,050 --> 00:08:19,041 Fell in love with his fingerprints. 202 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:21,809 Well, that's quite sad. Strange and sad. 203 00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:23,329 Yeah, her and Nipper Thomas. 204 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,281 There's someone called Nipper Thomas? 205 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,286 He's known to the police as Nipper Thomas. 206 00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:30,003 - What's his actual name? - Nipper Brown. 207 00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:32,086 So... when did you last see her? 208 00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:34,963 Um... about a year ago, we split up. 209 00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:36,966 Although I did agree to make up the numbers 210 00:08:37,010 --> 00:08:38,807 on a double date a few months back. 211 00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:42,365 Her and myself and her friend Harry, who's a girl. 212 00:08:42,410 --> 00:08:44,366 So you were gonna suggest another pub? 213 00:08:46,130 --> 00:08:48,121 I was, yes. 214 00:08:48,170 --> 00:08:51,207 And that pub was going to be The Ship. 215 00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:53,081 Did some background checks. 216 00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,166 It doesn't rely on national stereotypes 217 00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,201 and it isn't a play on words. 218 00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,718 Ooh. The Ship it is, then. 219 00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:10,487 Wow, that's pretty high up. 220 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,964 Maybe it was a monkey. Is it ever a monkey? 221 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,001 No. 222 00:09:16,410 --> 00:09:18,207 So is this what you do all day? 223 00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:21,322 Uh... I just go where the prints lead me. 224 00:09:21,370 --> 00:09:22,962 Yeah, so I hear. 225 00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:25,046 So here's something else I heard in passing 226 00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,479 that's not remotely important to me whatsoever. 227 00:09:27,530 --> 00:09:29,600 Our security guy Ian tells me 228 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:32,289 that you're still interested in... 229 00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:34,525 - Matthew. - Matthew, yes, that's his name. 230 00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:36,128 Well, he has his qualities. 231 00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:37,967 - And his failings. - Failings? 232 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,843 His ridges and loops are somewhat pronounced. 233 00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:43,245 But his whorls are quite a normal shape. 234 00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:44,848 His holes? 235 00:09:44,890 --> 00:09:46,767 - Whorls. - Holes? 236 00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:49,085 - Whorls! - What... Holes? 237 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,849 - "Whor", as in..."whore". 238 00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:54,358 "L-S"...as in "Lisa". 239 00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:56,719 - Whore Lisa? - I'm just trying to be helpful. 240 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,522 Yeah, well, maybe don't. 241 00:09:58,570 --> 00:10:01,084 Mmm. Interesting. 242 00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:04,167 - What? - Very dry. Bit loopy. 243 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:07,281 Well, that's rich. 244 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:10,358 BOTH: Boop. 245 00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:17,963 Oh, my God. That is so weird. 246 00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:19,568 I haven't got time, Tash. 247 00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:21,328 Well, I'm not one for gossip, right? 248 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,884 I think you're confusing yourself with someone else. 249 00:10:23,930 --> 00:10:25,966 No, I'm not. It's just really interesting. 250 00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:28,001 OK, Tash, I don't care. OK? 251 00:10:28,050 --> 00:10:31,963 Fine. Well, I really like that fingerprint lady. 252 00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:35,444 - The fingerprint lady? - You said you didn't care. 253 00:10:35,490 --> 00:10:37,481 - Is there gossip? - What's it to you? 254 00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:39,168 Nothing. 255 00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:44,479 Well, I wasn't listening in or anything - you know me. 256 00:10:44,530 --> 00:10:47,840 But this Tess said that it was really odd being here... 257 00:10:47,890 --> 00:10:49,289 - Jess. It's Jess. - Yeah. 258 00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:51,321 It was really odd being here because... 259 00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:55,886 she knew she'd come back here in six months to have a baby. 260 00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:58,763 And the father of the baby - get this - 261 00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:01,005 works here in this hospital. 262 00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:02,768 That's funny, isn't it? 263 00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:05,561 Funny, isn't it? 264 00:11:06,570 --> 00:11:10,358 Hello? Oh, my God. I knew you weren't interested. 265 00:11:10,410 --> 00:11:12,480 I'm not telling you my gossip ever again. 266 00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:19,121 - Here. - Thank you. 267 00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:23,483 - Oh, Ryan. - I'm not here to ask you back. 268 00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:25,407 - So, what, you're in labour? - Shut up. 269 00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:27,202 Sorry. I'm sorry. 270 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:29,286 Um... I... 271 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,281 I just wanna say that you're... 272 00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:34,685 the best thing that's ever happened in my life 273 00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:36,960 and I just want you to give me a second chance. 274 00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:38,887 And I'll understand it if you don't. 275 00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:41,398 - I just want to give you this. - (Gasps) 276 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:43,441 OK? I'm... 277 00:11:43,490 --> 00:11:45,481 Is it sausages? 278 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,521 What is it? Is it a ring? 279 00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:51,283 No, it's a ticket from our first date. 280 00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:54,163 Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. 281 00:11:54,210 --> 00:11:56,201 - That's rubbish. - Yeah. 282 00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:59,048 Yeah, it was a rubbish, rubbish film. 283 00:12:00,570 --> 00:12:02,561 But a great first date. 284 00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:05,964 So... what, are you gonna, like, get your money back? 285 00:12:06,010 --> 00:12:07,489 I can't believe he kept it. 286 00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:10,408 CAITLIN: Ha! What do you know? 287 00:12:10,450 --> 00:12:14,079 Wow. Apparently 75% of women 288 00:12:14,130 --> 00:12:15,688 have got different breasts. 289 00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,527 What, are they made of chocolate? 290 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,084 No, you know, just different to each other in size. 291 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,848 Yeah, my right one's bigger. 292 00:12:21,890 --> 00:12:24,085 Oh, opposite to me. What about you, Pat? 293 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:26,086 No, mine are both a good size. 294 00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:29,167 Size doesn't matter. It's what you do with them that counts. 295 00:12:29,210 --> 00:12:31,280 I'll bear that in mind for the rest of the day. 296 00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:34,208 Yeah, I haven't actually measured them, obviously. 297 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:36,002 It's just a gut feeling. 298 00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:39,087 If you can feel them on your gut, then you're in big trouble. 299 00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:41,121 Mine are identical, by the way. 300 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,761 Hello. 301 00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:48,005 - Oh, that face. - What face? 302 00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:50,848 That's your "I'm about to take responsibility for something 303 00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:53,199 that isn't necessarily my responsibility" face. 304 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,127 I might just have got someone pregnant. 305 00:12:55,170 --> 00:12:56,490 Since we last spoke? Where is she? 306 00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:57,724 No. 307 00:12:57,770 --> 00:12:59,567 About three months ago. 308 00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,328 You remember the double date favour? 309 00:13:01,370 --> 00:13:03,042 - Is it Harry from CPS? - No. 310 00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:04,808 Why would you think that? It's Jess. 311 00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,522 - Jess? - Yeah. 312 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:08,242 Congratulations, pal. 313 00:13:08,290 --> 00:13:10,167 I'm happy for you. Chuffed to bits. 314 00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:12,087 Hey, I'm gonna be... um... 315 00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:14,724 - What am I gonna be? - You're not gonna be anything. 316 00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:17,125 And don't be chuffed. It's not... It's difficult. 317 00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:19,843 Jess and I were great, you know, but... 318 00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:22,529 I mean, it ended for a reason. Now there's a baby. 319 00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,561 A baby that needs a father. 320 00:13:24,610 --> 00:13:26,680 What should I do? 321 00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:33,086 - About what? - About the baby! 322 00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:35,121 About the baby, yes! 323 00:13:35,170 --> 00:13:38,321 Well, you know my dad was never there for me? 324 00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:39,598 Yeah. 325 00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:42,084 Well, I don't think you'd be that kind of dad. 326 00:13:43,050 --> 00:13:45,120 I think you'd be a good kind of dad. 327 00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:50,161 I wish you were my dad. 328 00:13:50,970 --> 00:13:52,961 (Sobs) 329 00:13:54,810 --> 00:13:56,801 All right. OK. 330 00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:58,841 (Sobs) 331 00:13:58,890 --> 00:14:01,120 All right. I thought this was about me? 332 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:07,047 Oh, you look really nice out of your... costume. 333 00:14:07,090 --> 00:14:09,081 Protective coverall. 334 00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:11,485 Oh, coverall. Sorry. 335 00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:13,043 Must be funny having a uniform 336 00:14:13,090 --> 00:14:15,445 that's essentially a paper romper suit. 337 00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:18,441 I like your uniform. 338 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:20,287 - Tart. - Excuse me? 339 00:14:20,330 --> 00:14:22,798 - Lemon tart looks lovely. - Oh, yes, it is nice. 340 00:14:22,850 --> 00:14:24,329 I highly recommend it. 341 00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:26,326 Bit sour, though. Bit bitter. 342 00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:29,009 Better sour than wholesome and bland, though. 343 00:14:29,050 --> 00:14:30,199 Ha-ha. 344 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:34,084 Better wholesome and bland than a... big old... 345 00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,722 slag. 346 00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:40,764 Well, I think I won that one. Whoo. 347 00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,641 - Afternoon. - Pain. 348 00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:45,488 You all right, Prison John? Not a problem, mate. 349 00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:48,408 I see it's got the address on and everything. That's good. 350 00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,441 Some new tattoos. Nice. 351 00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,881 Ahoy there. To The Ship! 352 00:15:01,930 --> 00:15:04,319 (Giggles) What's the matter, too piratey? 353 00:15:05,410 --> 00:15:06,889 (She laughs nervously) 354 00:15:06,930 --> 00:15:08,443 Um... I can't come. 355 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,367 Wow, have you spoken to a doctor about it? 356 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,766 (Laughs) I'm sorry. There's... There's... um... 357 00:15:13,810 --> 00:15:15,528 There's something I have to do. 358 00:15:15,570 --> 00:15:17,128 Did the delivery go OK? 359 00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:18,967 No, it's not work. 360 00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:22,123 OK. Is it something to do with Jess? 361 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,688 Yeah. 362 00:15:24,730 --> 00:15:26,527 That's fine. That's... 363 00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:29,368 That's fine. It was just a drink. 364 00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:33,121 She is gorgeous, by the way. 365 00:15:40,530 --> 00:15:42,202 - (Clears throat) - Oh. 366 00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:44,605 Oh, dear. Well... um... 367 00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:47,164 - No. No, definitely not. - Let's not. Let's not. 368 00:15:48,770 --> 00:15:51,887 Perhaps... Perhaps... um... another time. 369 00:15:51,930 --> 00:15:53,568 Wine? 370 00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:56,762 I like wine. 371 00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:59,278 I mean, I'll have a glass if you'd like... one? 372 00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:00,888 Um... a bottle? 373 00:16:00,930 --> 00:16:02,648 Lisa. 374 00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:04,965 Oh, Ryan, are you still here? 375 00:16:05,010 --> 00:16:07,478 Lisa, I am so sorry about what I said earlier. 376 00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:09,725 - About... him. - His name is Matthew. 377 00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,442 Matthew, right. That's it. Look... 378 00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:14,163 I... I realise now that I was speaking out of jealousy 379 00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:15,928 and that I should be better than that. 380 00:16:15,970 --> 00:16:18,404 - That's really mature of you. - I can be mature. 381 00:16:18,450 --> 00:16:21,567 I watched an entire episode of Downton Abbey the other night. 382 00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:25,159 See, look, I miss your smile, I miss your jiggly boobs, 383 00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:27,724 and your, you know, bad fringe. But... 384 00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:30,568 OK, OK, OK. The point is... 385 00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:33,966 I respect Matthew for what he's doing, right? 386 00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:37,286 He's got a really satisfying and meaningful gob. 387 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,321 A what? 388 00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:41,361 A satisfying and meaningful gob. 389 00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,401 Show me that. 390 00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:47,362 "Satisfying and meaningful job." 391 00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,799 - That's what I said. - Did Jason write this for you? 392 00:16:49,850 --> 00:16:51,522 Jason? 393 00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:54,801 Yeah, the guy from Caf? Nero. Jason who reads lots of books. 394 00:16:55,810 --> 00:16:58,483 OK, OK, OK. No, no, no, but listen. 395 00:16:58,530 --> 00:17:00,521 It's what's inside my brain, yeah? 396 00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:02,925 He just helped me write how I feel about you. 397 00:17:02,970 --> 00:17:04,403 And how do you feel about me? 398 00:17:04,450 --> 00:17:06,520 I wanna marry you, you stupid woman. 399 00:17:06,570 --> 00:17:09,130 Oh, wow, Ryan, that's just too romantic. I can't cope. 400 00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:12,207 Just give me a second chance, all right? I love you, mate. 401 00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:13,922 Babe. 402 00:17:13,970 --> 00:17:15,961 I'm... I'm in bits without you. 403 00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:20,921 (Laughs) 404 00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:24,162 Just stop it. 405 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,998 OK, I agree to one... tiny meal. 406 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:31,767 And just as friends. Just as friends. 407 00:17:31,810 --> 00:17:35,325 Just as friends, that's fine. Pizza. Or whatever you want. 408 00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:38,089 - Seafood it is, then. - You know I don't like seafood. 409 00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:39,609 Yes, I do. 410 00:17:39,650 --> 00:17:41,527 Turned round, showed me his pants! 411 00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:44,721 - No! No. - He absolutely did. 412 00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:46,886 He's a tremendous arse. 413 00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:49,728 A tremendous arse! 414 00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:51,408 (Laughs) 415 00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:55,409 Do you know, this... this is so refreshing. 416 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,566 It is. I don't even like white! 417 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,601 - (Laughter) - It's red! 418 00:17:59,650 --> 00:18:01,481 It's red! 419 00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,921 Oh, Luke, do you know... 420 00:18:04,970 --> 00:18:07,723 You sort of give off this air of mystery. 421 00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:09,920 Why should women always get to be enigmatic? 422 00:18:09,970 --> 00:18:12,165 Men can be enigmatic too. Like the Riddler. 423 00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,724 - He's in Batman, isn't he? - Mm. Only in one film, though. 424 00:18:14,770 --> 00:18:16,761 Oh, the Riddler. 425 00:18:18,010 --> 00:18:19,807 Let's go back to yours. 426 00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:21,681 I've got a better idea... 427 00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:24,198 - Let's go back to mine. - (Laughter) 428 00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:25,763 To the Batcave! 429 00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:27,801 Oh, don't call it that... 430 00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:29,841 ever call it that. 431 00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:32,324 Were you thinking of ordering any food soon? 432 00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:34,486 - Oh. - I've... We had forgotten. 433 00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:39,282 OK. I found out. 434 00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:40,888 - What? - The big secret. 435 00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:43,125 - The drugs thief? - The baby? 436 00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:44,523 - Which baby? - Your baby. 437 00:18:44,570 --> 00:18:46,526 - My baby? - Our baby. 438 00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:48,242 - What? - I think we need to talk. 439 00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:51,760 Yeah, just wait a minute. Tess, I've got your stuff here. 440 00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:53,801 Thanks, I'm coming. 441 00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:56,318 Tess. Did you say... Did you just say Tess? 442 00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:58,520 - Yeah. - Jess and... Tess? 443 00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,367 Yeah, it's kinda cute, huh? 444 00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:03,641 - Mm. - Tess, this is Matthew. 445 00:19:03,690 --> 00:19:06,807 Hi! I don't know if Jess told you, my boyfriend works here. 446 00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:08,806 No, she didn't actually tell me that. 447 00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:13,886 So... um... we needed to talk about something? Our baby? 448 00:19:15,290 --> 00:19:17,281 Yeah. Our baby. 449 00:19:18,210 --> 00:19:23,125 I was gonna dedicate one of today's births... to us. 450 00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,081 For old times' sake. 451 00:19:26,090 --> 00:19:28,399 Is that something you can... do? 452 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,441 It's becoming more common, I think. 453 00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,481 You know, like naming a star. 454 00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:42,366 CAITLIN: Oh, yes! Yes! - (Luke grunts) 455 00:19:42,410 --> 00:19:44,401 (Caitlin squeals with pleasure) 456 00:19:47,610 --> 00:19:50,807 I didn't realise how much tension I'd built up! 457 00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:52,886 A lot of tension. 458 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:55,569 Look at us. Couple of old swingers, eh? 459 00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,919 I didn't realise how much we had in common. 460 00:19:57,970 --> 00:20:00,404 I'm going to tell you something, 461 00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:04,489 and I have never told anyone this before. 462 00:20:04,530 --> 00:20:06,521 The truth will out! 463 00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:09,323 - I really... - Yes? 464 00:20:09,370 --> 00:20:12,601 ...really like Matthew Bunting. 465 00:20:12,650 --> 00:20:14,641 Oh. Well... 466 00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:17,447 We don't have that in common. 467 00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:21,608 And I'm pretty sure that he likes me back. 468 00:20:21,650 --> 00:20:23,641 Mm... Yeah. 469 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,399 Bad marriage. Got that in common. 470 00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,406 - That's true. - Mm. 471 00:20:29,450 --> 00:20:31,520 Although, I will say this. 472 00:20:31,570 --> 00:20:34,004 My wife is a very fine-looking woman. 473 00:20:34,050 --> 00:20:36,280 - As opposed to? - You. 474 00:20:36,330 --> 00:20:38,366 Obviously. (Laughs) 475 00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:40,688 What? 476 00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:44,487 Caitlin? Has that put a dampener on things? 477 00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:47,809 Ah, Ian Hanwell. 478 00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:49,727 Somebody call for hospital security? 479 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,328 - This yours? - Yep, yep. 480 00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:54,760 Prison John in the canteen asked me to post it home to his mum. 481 00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:56,846 (Clattering) 482 00:20:56,890 --> 00:21:01,281 Yep. Uses up all the old drugs bottles. It's recycling. 483 00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:04,481 Prints match those on the cupboard and canteen items. 484 00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:07,963 Yeah, now you draw the threads together, I think... 485 00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:10,604 - I might have been used. - Prison John, Ian? 486 00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:13,323 Paris Hilton hasn't necessarily been to Paris! 487 00:21:13,370 --> 00:21:16,965 Why don't we just say I found the box and I confiscated it. 488 00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,080 - No. - Well... 489 00:21:19,730 --> 00:21:22,608 As I know you, I know you're not capable of anything... 490 00:21:23,970 --> 00:21:26,438 ...of anything. - It's like Charlie's Angels. 491 00:21:26,490 --> 00:21:30,005 Right, that's us all done. Case closed. 492 00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:33,679 You looking for Matthew? 493 00:21:33,730 --> 00:21:35,402 Case closed. 494 00:21:35,450 --> 00:21:38,044 You said that already. Do you want me to go and find him? 495 00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:39,762 - Uh... - All right. 496 00:21:41,210 --> 00:21:44,122 - So what's chicken, then? - I'd say chicken is the... 497 00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:46,161 the seafood of meat. 498 00:21:46,210 --> 00:21:47,848 Chicken is not the seafood of meat. 499 00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,482 Seafood is the seafood of seafood. 500 00:21:49,530 --> 00:21:51,521 Lisa! Wait. 501 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:55,761 I'm sorry. I didn't wanna... 502 00:21:55,810 --> 00:21:57,801 Can you just leave it, baby man? 503 00:21:57,850 --> 00:21:59,727 - What are you doing, Matthew? - Baby man? 504 00:21:59,770 --> 00:22:01,761 Possibly the most limp thing I've ever heard. 505 00:22:01,810 --> 00:22:04,199 Oh, yeah? I can come up with way stronger than that. 506 00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:05,569 Any day of the night. 507 00:22:05,610 --> 00:22:07,999 OK, just keep your thesaurus in your pants, mister. 508 00:22:08,050 --> 00:22:10,245 You, I thought you were off with Kylie Minogue. 509 00:22:10,290 --> 00:22:13,123 I was going to have her baby, and then I wasn't. 510 00:22:13,170 --> 00:22:15,206 - Decisions, decisions. - Baby man. 511 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,718 - That's still not working. - I don't think this is working. 512 00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:19,488 - What do you mean? - For all his flaws, 513 00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:21,327 at least Ryan knows what he wants. 514 00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:24,048 Pizza. 515 00:22:24,090 --> 00:22:26,081 Or whatever you want. 516 00:22:28,010 --> 00:22:30,080 (Mutters) 517 00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:37,046 We solved it, mate. Some bloke in the canteen called Pris... 518 00:22:37,090 --> 00:22:40,048 ...called John. Actually I spotted him first. 519 00:22:40,090 --> 00:22:41,887 He had loads of stolen medicine. 520 00:22:43,810 --> 00:22:45,846 - Pint? - Oh, no, way more than that. 521 00:22:45,890 --> 00:22:47,528 Come on. 522 00:22:47,570 --> 00:22:50,368 Hey, is one of your bollocks bigger than the other? 523 00:22:51,290 --> 00:22:53,008 Ant's a little bit bigger than Dec. 524 00:22:53,050 --> 00:22:54,449 - Uh-huh. - The one on the left. 525 00:22:54,490 --> 00:22:57,607 Yeah, standard. I'm the other way round. 526 00:22:57,650 --> 00:22:59,049 - Really? - Mm. 527 00:22:59,090 --> 00:23:01,320 Dec bigger than Ant? Unheard of. 528 00:23:02,170 --> 00:23:04,161 Maybe I care too much 529 00:23:04,210 --> 00:23:06,280 Baby, you care too much 530 00:23:06,330 --> 00:23:08,207 Maybe they don't care enough 531 00:23:08,250 --> 00:23:11,128 Maybe they don't care There's a new love starting 532 00:23:11,170 --> 00:23:13,161 And I wanna play a part in it 533 00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:17,328 There's a new love starting and I wanna play a part in it 534 00:23:19,670 --> 00:23:27,670 Ripped By mstoll 535 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:32,270 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39877

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