All language subtitles for The Delivery Man s01e05 Foundling.eng

Beep, beep, beep.

Get back.

I don't want your big policeman
hands all over it.

Oh, this for the parents room?

My art O Level is not
going to be wasted.

I'm going to call it...

Motherhood.

~ That's quite a... quite a different
use of palette there, isn't it? ~ Wow.

There's a lot of paint down there.

There's a lot of paint.

Yes, my art teacher, Mrs Phillips,

always said I was possessed
of a rare talent.

Or just possessed?

I'm going to look away now because
my eyes are beginning to melt.

But I will come back to it.

Don't listen to them, Pat. You know,
it speaks to me, it really does.

Perhaps I could commission
one from you.

Yeah, give me a subject.

Let's call it Husband. And
don't hold back this time.

Stop right there. Come here.
I know that expression.

~ I think I might be pregnant.
~ Uh-huh.

But I'm not sure. My boyfriend got
me one of them little paddly things,

but I don't know how you can
tell and I weed on it loads.

This is a tea stirrer.
It's for stirring tea.

~ Oh!
~ It's not even much good at that, you'd be better off with a spoon.

Oh, my God, I gave Nev a tenner
out of my mum's purse to get that.

Please tell me you're not leaving
your contraception down to Nev.

It's OK, he says the way we do
it, I can't get pregnant anyway.

Oh, what's that, then, upside
down? In a bath? On a Thursday?

In a Tesco car park because
it's cold outside?

~ Yeah.
~ And you believe him, do you?

~ Should I not?
~ He gave you a tea stirrer.

Oh, yeah.

OK, these will give
you all the basics.

And dump Nev because I'm fairly
sure you can do better.

Take it from someone
who has been there....

Oh, not with Nev, obviously,
that would be weird.

Ooh! Oh.

Oh, ah.

Well, Mrs Akua, you're not
any further along, are you?

We want to think about
breaking your waters

and then it should just slip on out,

before you can say
bippety, boppety, boo.

~ And how likely is that really?
~ I'll be honest, it's not that likely.

But, you know, we're prepared
for any eventualities...

I haven't got a pen.
Erm... one sec...

When you say eventualities?

You know - dads fainting during
the birth, babies born with horns,

finding babies in cupboards.

~ A baby with a horn?
~ I know, a horn, that's strange, isn't it?

But it only happened the once and,
erm... it fell off a day later

so, you know, really
no big deal at all.

Would you excuse me one second?

A horn?

~ Wait, was there a baby in that cupboard?
~ No.

Lisa... I don't suppose you've
seen a mum kind of minus a baby?

~ Description?
~ Female, sort of child bearing age.

That's basically a woman, you're
asking me have I seen a woman?

I see what you're saying but I'm...

OK.

(WHISTLES)

Fancy a cheeky pint?

Do you know, I don't, but you're
Mr Security, can you explain this?

~ It's a baby.
~ Well done, yes, and I just found him in a cupboard.

That's not where you keep them?

Not as a rule, no, and
he's got no bracelet,

which means he has been abandoned,

which means Social Services are going
to be involved, the police...

~ The police are already involved.
~ Neither of us are police anymore.

~ I think you'll find I am.
~ I think you'll find you're suspended.

~ Hey, if I manage to find the missing baby...
~ Mother.

Yeah, if I manage to find the
missing mother, I'm the hero,

looks good at the hearing,
boom - get my job back.

I have to report this now.

~ Please, just give me one
chance. For an old pal. ~ I'll see what I can do.

~ Good man.
~ Just keep it under your hat until I speak to Caitlin, OK?

I'll need an extra large helmet...

~ I wouldn't put a baby
on my head... I wouldn't! ~ This is serious.

~ What's serious?
~ Erm... life generally.

~ Indeed, why? What's going on?
~ Mum's the word. ~ No.

No, not Mum. Nothing to do with
Mum. Schtum. Schtum is the word.

~ Oh, there we go, come here...
I'll see you in a bit. ~ All right.

~ He has to go.
~ He does, yeah, a very busy schedule.

~ I mean sacked.
~ Oh, really, Ian?

No, he's fine, he's just
under a lot of stress.

~ I know why you want him here.
~ Why?

To make you look competent
by comparison.

No, it's just because he's a mate.

~ A what?
~ A mate.

~ No, no, you've lost me.
~ A friend?

No, lost me completely.

So, this missing mother - what does
she look like? Got any photos?

~ Where's the baby?
~ It's OK, I've hid him on a trolley.

Well, about a day old, proper clamp
- oh, hang on, what's this?

~ Apple sticker.
~ All right. We've got to find this mother.

Oh, Matthew,

you're so sweet and naive.

She could be anywhere
by now, frankly.

You have to be buzzed
in and out here, right?

Whoever this is either works
here or is known by someone.

Ooh, you were a policeman.

Yes, was that ever in doubt?

Well, you know, people put things
on their CVs, don't they?

I put that I could ride
a horse but I can't.

~ How do you sleep at night?
~ And swordfighting.

Never thought I'd get called
on that one either but I did.

Oh, what a long strange summer.

About the long strange baby...

Look, I'll call the authorities -

you look out for anyone wincing
and walking a bit funny.

Not Jake the porter,
he's just like that.

OK, don't call them yet. Please, OK?

We'll find her. Just give me an hour.

OK. You've got 60 minutes,

~ then this goes public.
~ OK.

~ And you're off the case.
~ Right.

~ Or I'll bust you back to traffic.
~ I get it.

No, seriously just, you know,
you've got to stay professional.

~ Don't get emotionally involved.
~ Of course.

We're going to find your mum, OK?

Yes, we are.

We shall.

I vow this to you.

~ You all right?
~ Yeah.

~ It's just I thought I heard
you vowing something. ~ No.

Good,

because we don't do vowing here.

We're not the knights
of the round table.

No, of course.

We're not the knights of
the round table, are we?

Can I be Sir Lancelot?

~ No, Ian, you can't.
~ Sir Galivant?

Let's just forget this
is a round table, yeah?

~ I don't know anymore.
~ Sir Percival?

He doesn't sound that great,
if I'm being honest.

~ Matthew, there you are.
Is that baby in an envelope? ~ No.

What are you doing?

Whoa, we're investigating the
case of a missing mother.

Well, you know the police will
do that, as in the real police.

~ Ow.
~ Hey. ~ Oh, OK, sorry, that was insensitive.

Maybe it was someone who had come
in to get their appendix out,

didn't realise they were pregnant,
popped to the loo, then whoopsie (!)

~ Slipped on the tiles?
~ No, had a baby.

Do people say whoopsie

~ when they're having a baby?
~ Are you asking me that?

More likely to be a cry
of extreme pain, actually.

Yes, Lisa, actually.

More like 'argh!'

~ Oh.
~ No, no, 'argh!'

Seriously, that out of that?

~ Yeah, don't start.
~ Witchcraft.

Pat?

We have a greater number
of babies than mothers

and we've had no multiple births.

Is that one of those
stupid maths questions?

No, real life. I just found this
little chap in a cupboard.

It happens.

Someone has a baby out of nowhere...
well, we know where it's out of -

and they think this might
be a good place to leave it.

Result - one surplus baby.

~ Don't say that, Pat, he's not surplus.
~ Aw.

You can look after him
until we find his mum.

~ What am I supposed to do with him?
~ Can I remind you what your job is?

What if the police come
and take him away?

Pop him in a cupboard, he seems
to like that (!) Not really.

Can I call him Barney?

No, you can't. It's not yours, is it?

Of course he's not mine, you nipple.

~ Just eliminating you from my enquiries.
~ And don't look at me.

~ I wasn't.
~ Liar.

Ooh.

~ Hello, Barney the baby.
~ Oh, I'm not sure about that name.

Reminds me of an ex-boyfriend
I had - 'Big Bollocks Barney'.

How about Hubbard?

Because he was found in a cupboard.

Yes, yes, I see what you've
done there. Very clever.

But Hubbard is a bit more
of a surname, isn't it?

Could be his only name?

Like Eminem or Madonna or Lady Gaga?

Give it up for Hubbard. Whoo!

~ Excuse me?
~ Oh, hello again. How did you get here?

~ Told the security guard you're my sister.
~ Of course.

~ I'm definitely not pregnant.
~ Great!

~ But my friend has got a question.
~ OK. ~ Her boyfriend, Nathan, right...

What? Wait now - is this
a contraception matter?

~ They ain't done it.
~ Then proceed.

Her boyfriend Nathan reads a lot
of books, like, a lot of books.

So is he, like, you know, gay?

What's on the covers
of these books mostly?

~ Spaceships.
~ I think that you're confusing gay with geek.

He's probably just shy.

~ I told her.
~ Yeah, tell her to go for it.

Oh, Lisa, I've got
a big pain in my arse.

Is it you?

(MUMBLES TO HIMSELF)

I can't believe you haven't
got a suspect list yet.

~ You think this is all my fault, don't you?
~ What is your job title?

Her Majesty's security guard.

~ Ian, there's no Her Majesty.
~ Oh, God, what's happened?

In your title, there's no HM.
It's just 'security guard'.

~ Really?
~ Really. ~ Right.

Always learning, mate, you
ask the world's top sportsmen.

They're always learning.

The minute you think you're the
finished article, you're doomed.

~ Have you learned how to use the CCTV?
~ No.

It's the only thing in here.

Live is OK, but record and rewind,
that's when it gets tricky.

Delete definitely works.

So someone has left
a baby in a cupboard

and you can't find that bit.

~ Nobody said the system is bullet proof.
~ Fool. ~ You what?

Fool proof, not bullet proof.

Oh, right. For a minute there I thought
you were calling me a fool.

~ I wouldn't do that, mate.
~ I know you wouldn't, mate. ~ Too much respect.

Yes, R-E-S-P-E-T.

~ C-T.
~ You what?

Nothing.

Leave it to the pros.

OK, for the last time,
how many people

came through that door
between 9:30 and 10:00AM?

For the last time, a lot.

You want me to apply
a little pressure?

Not yet, Pat, I mean,
probably not at all.

Just say the word.

~ Give me a number.
~ 18. ~ Are you saying that to get rid of me?

I do that with customer surveys.
I make up all sorts of cack.

No, I just checked. Although most
of them are that new security guard.

He gets confused about which
side of the door he's on.

Can't you check the CCTV?

Hmm... you'd think, wouldn't
you? Bit of human error.

~ Ms-s-s McGoohan.
~ Oh, hello, Mis-s-ster Edward.

I've just been having a little
natter with Mrs Gomez

who says she's not
particularly bothered

that her midwife wasn't
currently on hand.

~ Yes, well, you see the thing is -
~ A-a-a-a-ah...

I, on the other hand, tended
to disagree with her,

pointing out it was specifically
part of your job description

to be in there preparing for labour,

rather than out here chewing the fat
with our esteemed reception staff.

I was just on my way.

No, you weren't, you were facing
in the wrong direction.

I was going to walk backwards.

(LAUGHS) Liar. Oh.

Oh.

~ Fresh.
~ No.

~ Fresh. ~ No.
~ Fresh! ~ No. ~ Fresh! ~ No.

Ooh, you will pay.

Oh.

~ Oh.
~ You all right? ~ Can I help you?

There were a baby found
in that cupboard.

Me and my mate have been given the
job of finding out who put it there.

Kettling gave him an hour. We've
got about 20 minutes left.

~ Kettling?
~ That's right. ~ Do you mean Caitlin?

~ Maybe, why?
~ I'm Caitlin.

Oh! Pleased to, pleased to meet you!

I've seen you about the place, I
couldn't put a face to the person.

~ Name to the face.
~ That's it.

Is anyone actually called Kettling?

I don't know, it's something we
used to do in the police force.

We'd round people up into a tiny
little place, stop them escaping.

And you thought I might be
named after that procedure?

Not as such but I thought
that's what he said.

~ Right, well, 20 minutes - crack on.
~ Will do, mate.

Mate? I think I prefer Kettling.

So do I! You should change it.

Whoa! Are you mad?

Crime scene.

I'm so sorry, I do apologise, I thought
this was a midwife station.

But no, apparently, I am amidst
a renaissance workshop (!)

Mayhap Leonardo or Donatello

~ will pass by (!)
~ OK, so I...

If you make reference to
the remaining Ninja Turtles,

I promise you it will go very badly.

I am encouraging Pat to pursue
her artistic interests

in her own time

as per employment guidelines.

(SIGHS) Very well.

Yes.

No, no, no, that was not a win.

I was merely keeping my powder
dry for later skirmishes.

OK, all right,

OK, it was a withdrawal,

but on home turf so
half a point to me.

Excuse me,

that was a win for me.

You did use your smartphone
at the quiz and you know it.

I was checking the spelling.

OK, so all of the visitors
check out, well, I mean,

obviously they check in and check
out but they're all above board.

~ What's that there?
~ Caitlin found this apple sticker on the baby.

~ Where do you find apple stickers?
~ Apples, sticker factories.

The canteen, they sell this exact
apple right here in the canteen.

So we'll wait by the apples, the
abandoner comes back - we pounce.

No, no, no, we don't pounce.

On the other hand, you can buy
those apples in most supermarkets.

OK, I hadn't... I didn't
think that through.

No, no, it's a really, really clever
theory. Um... what about a cleaner?

Yeah, what about a cleaner?
I've got a suspect. 11:00.

Oh, we've already missed her...

Oh, got it, yep, got
your tail... Freeze!

Poor Ilyana thought you were
immigration, no wonder she ran.

And ran through a hedge.

~ Again, please pass on my sincere apologies.
~ And still no baby mother.

We are still trying,
we will find her.

I like that you care, Matthew,
it's so unusual in a man.

You've sort of become like an honorary
woman... It's a compliment.

How could it not be?

It's why I feel so comfortable
talking to you about stuff.

That's cool, in which case,
I'm a shoulder to cry on.

~ Thank you.
~ Yeah. ~ I hardly ever cry, Matthew.

OK, all right. That's OK.
Shh, shh, shh. It's OK.

~ Now you feel like a man again.
~ Oh, sorry.

Did I say being a man was bad?
Pay attention, I'm still upset.

There you go.

OK.

There you go.

There you go.

Thank you.

Pat, white board marker? Have
you seen where I put my, erm...

Oh! I mean, hello, you're back.

Wait, let me just engage
full wisdom mode...

(IMITATES ROBOT) I'm good to
go, what can I do you for?

Tallulah told her boyfriend what you
said, put her hands down his pants,

this was in maths, Gary's
mum is the teacher,

there was a big fight,
the police came.

But at the same time, I dumped
Nev and he pulled the fire alarm

but it turns out Gary's mum is
seeing a policeman and a fireman

and they had a big
fight but Nev did say

he was sorry so should
I take him back?

Yeah, erm... hmm...

I am going to go down to the basement

and have a think about this.

Just, hmm...

It's a quandary,

it is a quandary.

My sources tell me you've
been chasing a cleaner.

I, erm...

I lost my lucky fetoscope

and I thought maybe Ilyana
had taken it by mistake.

~ Got a lot of sentimental value.
~ Excuse me.

Oh, I didn't think you were
still with us, Mrs Nicholson.

You thought I was dead?

I thought Mrs Nicolson
would have returned

to the relative safety of
her home by now, Bunting.

Any time now, I think, right?

Tash said you'd had a
couple of hours sleep.

~ How's everything with the baby?
~ It's more a case of where is he?

~ Sorry, I don't follow.
~ Have you taken him somewhere?

Well, I very much doubt
that, Mrs Nicholson.

Could you look just in case?

We don't just have babies
randomly turning up

all over the hospital,
do we, Bunting?

No, that's, erm...
I don't... I'm not...

~ I don't think I've, not quite,
erm... no. Good heavens. ~ No.

It's just the thing is,
as I was telling Natasha,

I do suffer from somnambulism
- I walk in my sleep

and I sometimes do odd things,
and I leave things in odd places.

Do you? And you mentioned
that to Tash?

Yes... I once wrote a poem
on my husband's laptop

and then I put it in the freezer.

I've got his little bracelet.

Your husband wears a bracelet?

Erm... no, the baby's ID. I
was probably doing loom bands.

Anyway, he can't have
gone far, can he?

Erm... this is very
puzzling, Mrs Nicholson.

Certainly a missing baby
would have turned up by now,

we would have obviously informed
you, is that not right?

Mm-hm, yes, absolutely,
Mr Edward, that's,

erm... I can't, can't think of a...

~ I will just go and have a quick
little look in lost property. ~ Yeah.

~ Have you see a baby at all?
~ Quite a few.

Oh.

Right...

~ Where did she put the baby?
~ Which baby? ~ Hubbard!

In the cupboard. Durr.

Not the mother, where
has Pat put it now?

Oh, right, well, Ian, he wanted
to get him measured up

for a tiny little police uniform
in case there was a photo shoot.

And Pat took him back.

Mrs Nicholson, did she or did she
not tell you she was a somnambulist?

No... Oh, wait, yeah, yeah, she did
because I was going to Google it

and then I found this clip of a cat

falling off a thing
and then I forgot.

~ Oh, my God, Tash!
~ What the hell is going on?

Mrs Siddiqui could hear you
all the way down in theatre

and she's under general anaesthetic.

Mrs Nicholson walks in her sleep.

She took Hubbard,

~ put him in the cupboard
and went back to bed. ~ Is that all?

I thought we'd got one of those
three layered lemon cakes again.

Later on, when you least expect it,

I'm going to kick you
really hard in the shin.

Well, should we give him back, then?

~ No, I think we should put him on eBay (!)
~ I mean now.

Yeah, or maybe we could wait two
or three weeks for a laugh (!)

Come on, let's reunite
Mrs Nicholson with Hubby.

Oh, has her husband turned up, then?

No, no, he's flying in
from Paris or Poland...

somewhere beginning
with P... P, Pa-a-a...

Helsinki!

Ow! You said later.

It is later.

There you go, Mrs Nicholson,
safe and sound.

~ Thank you so much, officer.
~ Oh, please, Ian.

I feel really stupid.

Don't be silly. It's just lucky

I've my highly trained eyes and
ears on red alert at all times.

We're blessed to have such a quality
of staff on call day and night.

Thank you... sorry, I
don't know your name.

~ Matthew.
~ Matthew. Thank you, Matthew.

I wouldn't be surprised
if you didn't get

~ some sort of commendation.
Well done, Ian Hanwell. ~ Whoo.

How did you find him exactly?

I just, erm... heard a little noise

and opened the cupboard
and there he was.

~ He wasn't distressed or anything.
~ Aw.

Yeah, he was just standing there,
you know, on the shelf...

~ hands on hips, kind of thing.
~ What?

OK, I think it's probably time for
a nap, yes? Supervised, obviously.

OK, I found some pictures
of your husband on Facebook

and I worked with those but then
I added my own special sauce.

Oh, my God!

(GASPS AND COUGHS)

Oh, wow, Pat, you've achieved
something I never thought possible.

You've got me thinking my ex husband

was maybe not that bad.

I still get paid, though, right?

Yes, yes, and I will pay you extra

just to take your dark and
terrible gift and seal it up.

Never paint again, Pat, never again.

OK?

You sound just like those women
in Labour, "never again",

but you'll soon be thinking
of having another painting.

Oh, I've never seen such horror.

~ Everything all right?
~ Oh. Fine! ~ Fine.

~ Yeah, that was really kind,
what you did for Ian. ~ Oh, no, not really.

Yeah, it was, well,
it was kind of kind.

Yeah, well, I was going
to say that so...

Yeah, well, I said it first so...

Well, but you said it in
a shallow sort of a way.

No, I said it in a deep way.

Well, maybe not deep,
but it wasn't shallow.

I said it at a normal depth.

Anyway, that was really
kind of you, Matthew.

~ Oh, please.
~ Excuse me?

~ That was just sickly.
~ OK, I'll see you...

~ Oh, bye.
~ Bye. (IMITATES LISA) "Oh, bye-e-e-e." Don't say it like that.

What? I'll say it however I want.
You're not the boss of me.

Hello, I so am, look, read the badge.

~ Boss of you.
~ Oh, well, at least I was not like,

(IMITATES) "Bye-e-e-e, Matthew!"

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0