All language subtitles for The Delivery Man s01e02 Truth.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech Download
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi Download
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,595 - (Car horn beeps) - Whoa! 2 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,595 Oi, pillock. What's your problem? 3 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,039 - My problem? - Yeah! 4 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,275 If I'm standing on a zebra, what does that mean? 5 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,153 - It means you're a circus act. - Ten miles an hour. 6 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,510 My car will not go that slow, mate. It's got an engine in it. 7 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,949 - I'm not Fred Flintstone. - Don't push me. 8 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,797 Oh, yeah? I'm your worst nightmare. 9 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,070 Are you? What, you're a sarcastic rabbit? 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:34,999 - What? - My worst nightmare. 11 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,190 It talks to me, it's very patronising. 12 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,072 That's a girl's nightmare! 13 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,953 You're facing a charge of speeding and possible assault. 14 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,149 Is it a citizen's arrest? 15 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,395 I've got an ex-colleague who can take care of it. 16 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,113 - A dead lollipop lady? - I used to be a police officer. 17 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,275 - Did you? - Yeah. 18 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,038 - What are you now? - Now I'm a... I'm a... 19 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,150 Something more serious here at the hospital. 20 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,918 Serious-er than a sarcastic rabbit? 21 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,552 - Yeah? All right. - (Car horn beeps) 22 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,318 All right, mate, hold on. Hold on! 23 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,679 Yeah. Er... Ian? 24 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,039 Hello, mate. 25 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,832 Licence plate Echo-four-Tango... 26 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,154 Tango, mango, bango! 27 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,397 Mike-three-four-Tango. And show no mercy. 28 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:11,475 Salad! 29 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,988 - For the record don't kill him. - Not a problem, Matthew. 30 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,991 Right, you, it's your lucky day. I've got bigger fish to fry. 31 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,314 But let me tell you, 32 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,079 pickpocketing is second only to murder in my books. 33 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,031 All right? Now do one. 34 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,633 (Exhales) Right. 35 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,592 Where's my phone? 36 00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:35,460 Ripped By mstoll 37 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,550 There's a new love starting 38 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,989 And I wanna play a part in it 39 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,391 Hey. 40 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,156 Hey! 41 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,630 You're going the wrong way again. 42 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:55,435 - It's room 5. - Yes. Erm... Er... I... 43 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,989 Do you want me to write it down for you? Room 5. 44 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,551 I'll take those. 45 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,351 (Groans) Stupid, stupid, stupid, tiny man. 46 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,311 OK, I'm assuming that's your ex-husband. 47 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,839 Unless it's Louis Walsh? 48 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,110 Oh, Lisa, you don't wanna get married, do you? 49 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,549 I am very flattered and I will consider the offer. 50 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,229 No, not to me, just to anyone. Like your fella, Ryan. 51 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,716 Ryan and marriage go together like a horse and cabbage. 52 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,432 He's not a big fan of children either. 53 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,597 - Snap. - Spoken like a true midwife. 54 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,036 Just because I work in a fish finger factory 55 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,435 doesn't mean to say I have to like fish fingers. 56 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,596 Oooh, I had no idea. 57 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,911 - What about? - About your other job. 58 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,313 I don't have another job. 59 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,158 No, I understand if you wanna keep the other job under wraps. 60 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,919 - Your secret is safe. - It's not a secret. 61 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,149 That's the spirit. Get it out there in the open. 62 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:51,479 By the way, Mrs Edward and I are very partial to a fish finger. 63 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,159 Or 12, if you know what I mean? 64 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,794 (Makes popping sound) Ball's in your court. 65 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,511 Been on the gas and air. 66 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,111 (She sighs) 67 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,913 - What took you so long it? - I'm here for you now. 68 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,713 Well, do something then! Rub my back. 69 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,876 No, wait! Get me ice. 70 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:17,913 I need ice. No, wait! My feet - rub my feet. 71 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,157 - Don't touch me! - Ooh, everything OK? 72 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,397 Fine. I don't think we need a porter at the moment, thank you. 73 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,795 He's not a porter, he is our midwife. 74 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,159 You would have met him 75 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,918 if you hadn't had to take that urgent call. 76 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,757 I told you, honey, it was work. 77 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:32,949 Don't you "honey" me. 78 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,468 You are a complete waste of space! 79 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,272 OK, let's calm down, shall we? 80 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:38,958 I'll just have a little feel. 81 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,468 Would you miss your wife giving birth because of work? 82 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:42,839 Erm... probably not. 83 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,950 - You wouldn't, being a midwife? - No, I suppose. 84 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,230 - If you had a different work? - I did used to be... 85 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,191 Your wife might think work was important. 86 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,958 - I don't have a wife. - You said you did. 87 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,115 - No... - You just said 88 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,559 you wouldn't miss her giving birth. 89 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,591 I thought we were doing a hypothetical thing. 90 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,471 The main thing is I'm here now. 91 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,317 (Phone vibrates) 92 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,794 Although I do just have to take this one. 93 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,638 Seriously. Excuse me if I don't show you to the door. 94 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:06,750 I'm sorry. Can you hold the fort? 95 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,791 Yes, certainly. Which bit's the fort? 96 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,831 - Hm? - Nothing. 97 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,956 What does that say? 98 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,911 - 5? - 1. 99 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,349 - It looks a bit... like a 5. - No, it doesn't. 100 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,599 I've got number dyslexia. I'm 50% number blind. 101 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,870 - 10%... number... blind. - Room 5. 102 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,511 Do you need a Sat Nav? 103 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,918 - (Message alert) - We have a wandering father. 104 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,076 I may need to put a label round his neck. 105 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,270 Brilliant, Ryan's had an argument with some guy 106 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,436 - after he dropped me off. - You need some muscle? 107 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,630 I think he'll be fine. Thanks, though, Pat. 108 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,148 Just say the word. I'll crack a few heads. 109 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,509 I had two protein shakes for breakfast. 110 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,231 Well, what's up? 111 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,950 It's Ryan, her boyfriend, he's been in a fight. 112 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,228 - Really? - Not a fight. 113 00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,953 He just had a run-in with some poncey tit 114 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,434 outside the hospital by the zebra crossing. 115 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,755 - Your boyfriend? - Mm-hm. 116 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,151 What erm? What did he er? 117 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,430 What was... what was the erm? Poncey? 118 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,558 - Did he say poncey? - Yep. 119 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,999 What else did he say? 120 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,554 That the guy was spouting a load of bollocks 121 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,670 about reckless driving. 122 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,870 I wonder if this other guy maybe had a point. 123 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,558 - What? - Hm? No, probably not. 124 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,717 You're right. I think you have to look at things from every... 125 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,113 side of the angle. 126 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,275 Police training. 127 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,639 It's lucky it wasn't the police. 128 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,319 He can't afford another three points on his licence. 129 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,759 Why, how much does that cost? 130 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,109 Oh, God, I hate poncey people like that. 131 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,072 Why can't they just get a life? If I could get my hands on him. 132 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,236 - What would you do? - She'd hand him over to Pat. 133 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:39,193 I would rip off his poncey little spuds 134 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,152 and then give them back to Pat for one of her protein shakes. 135 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,589 Actually, I just need to go and check something. 136 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,150 Yes, Melanie. Yes, yeah. 137 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,033 I know. They had a lot of work to tell me! 138 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,039 Alice. Well, of course I remembered your banana. 139 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,674 Hello... Yes, Melanie. You still in pain? 140 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,150 I'll... I'll be there... there in a jiffy. 141 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,632 I love you. Yeah. I love you. Bye. 142 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,353 Sorry, can't use one of those in here - let alone two. 143 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,469 Yes, of course. 144 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:14,354 You might wanna get back to the fort. She's not far to go now. 145 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,836 - It's er... - Thank you. 146 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:21,877 Ian, disregard the other phone call, OK? Do not track him down. 147 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,354 Mistaken identity. Do not track him down. 148 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,551 I dunno, maybe it wasn't Ryan's fault. Maybe people pick on him? 149 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,113 - (Scoffs) - What? 150 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:32,789 Huh? No, I just erm... Why would anyone pick on Ryan? 151 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,957 You know, unless he broke the law and became really offensive 152 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,719 - or something weird like that. - Cos he's a butcher. 153 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,193 - Do people pick on butchers? - Some people do, yeah. 154 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,118 - What people? - Vegetarians. 155 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,549 Or maybe cos he's really, really attractive. 156 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,477 - (Scoffs) Hardly. - Excuse me? 157 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,988 No, just er... going on what I've heard. 158 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,395 Word on the street is that my boyfriend's not attractive? 159 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,989 No. Word on the street is maybe he's a bit aggressive. 160 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,598 - What? - He is. 161 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,676 Well... verbally, maybe. 162 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:02,994 - A bit. - Nice. 163 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,110 But he's just got a short fuse. Haven't we all? 164 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,275 BOTH: No. 165 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,436 Well, he's got other qualities. 166 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,471 He's very good with meat. 167 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,196 - Banana! - Aw, thanks, babe. 168 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,071 - What's that in your pocket? - Nothing. 169 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,272 Aw, are they chocolates? Aww, that's so sweet. 170 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,468 - Yes. - "For Melanie?" 171 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,353 Yeah. I thought we could call it Melanie if it was a girl. 172 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,038 "Sorry for being a waste of space." 173 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,036 - Yeah, I was thinking ahead. - Ahh! 174 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,753 Now you're back, you can say something useful. 175 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,075 - Erm... push. - No, I say that. 176 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,759 - Say something reassuring. - You're doing a good job. 177 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,792 - Not me, to her. - Erm... 178 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,639 You look... you look nice, Alice. 179 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,432 Oh, my God, my ankles are like torpedoes. 180 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,072 Do not look at my fat ankles. 181 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,554 - (Phone vibrates) - It hurts, though. It hurts. 182 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,318 Why don't you have some more gas and air? 183 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,351 - I'll go top up the car. - No, don't go. No. 184 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,789 Oh, I think it's coming now. I need you. 185 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,308 - Hey, hey. I'm here for you. - Hold my hand, stay with me. 186 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,793 (They kiss) 187 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,751 (Gasps) 188 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,872 - Er... who are you? - Yes, who are you? 189 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,799 Hi, I'm Matthew. One of Pat's friends on the midwife team. 190 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,434 Colleague. I'll be back in five. 191 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,471 - Hello. - Hello. 192 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,839 - Again. - Hm? 193 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,110 Hello again. Are you not erm? 194 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,957 Ricky, are you hiding from me? 195 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,514 I'm disgusting now I'm having your child, is that it? 196 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,710 No, no, no. Here I am. 197 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,910 - Still here. - Aww, Ricky. 198 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,192 I love you. Say it back. 199 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,712 - I love you. - Alice. 200 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:38,909 - Alice. - Loads. 201 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,313 - Loads. - I love you, Alice, loads. 202 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,510 - Put it in a sentence. - I love you, Alice, loads. 203 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,152 - I love you a lot. - I love you lots. 204 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,555 Never gonna leave you. Look at me as you say it. 205 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,068 - Never gonna leave you. - Aw, darling. 206 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,839 - Oh, Ricky. (Giggles) - Mm. Mm. Mm. 207 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,800 - Ricky? I'm just gonna go... - Mmmmm! 208 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,717 ...to er... room 1 209 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,311 if you feel like joining me any time... soon. 210 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,237 Mm, mm, mm! 211 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,191 - Oh, Ricky. - I've got to top up the car. 212 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,117 What? Ricky, no! 213 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,912 - Don't forget you love me! - I love you. 214 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,439 Keep saying it to yourself. 215 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,675 "I love Alice." It should be your mantra. 216 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,836 Ian, just checking you got my message. Do not track him down. 217 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,077 Do not arrest him. Repeat, do not arrest him. 218 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,519 - I don't believe this. - What? 219 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,596 - He's been arrested. - No! 220 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,392 - Who... I mean, who? - Ryan. 221 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,158 - Arrested? No. - Yes. 222 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,031 Are you looking at this from a different angle 223 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,753 - or contradicting me for fun? - No, I believe you. I just... 224 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,712 Arrested doesn't make sense, does it? How could that happen? 225 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,830 He thinks it's to do with the argument he had. 226 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,757 - That seems hugely unlikely. - Does it? 227 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,473 Yeah, I'd probably rule it out, having thought about it. 228 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,511 You've thought about it for three seconds. 229 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,152 (Ringtone) 230 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,430 Ian. Yes. Listen. 231 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,516 Yes. OK, stop talking. 232 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:54,233 Listen, that thing I mentioned, yeah, let it go. 233 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,669 No, the thing that I mentioned. Let it go. 234 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,473 Yeah, the thing that you brought in, put it back out. 235 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,429 Just put it back outside, the thing you took in. 236 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,230 The dustbin that you brought inside... 237 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,440 ...free it back outside. 238 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,471 Thank you, bye. 239 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,389 - My mum, she's er... hopeless. - You just called her Ian. 240 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,431 Mm-hm. I did, yeah. 241 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,550 Short for Liann. 242 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,390 Leanne. Sorry. 243 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,271 Erm... 244 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,833 - (Phone vibrates) - Oh... 245 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,913 - (Whistles) Matt, mate? - What are you doing here? 246 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,712 You put the dustbin back out, right? 247 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,034 Yeah, yeah, that's sorted. 248 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,277 You won't believe this. Initial inquiry into my misconduct case, 249 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,595 - they've give me the S-word. - What? Syphilis? 250 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,232 Suspension. They've suspended me. 251 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,429 - Oh, God. - Without pay. 252 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,072 Because of hassling the guy today? 253 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,473 No, but I got dodgy looks 254 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,158 when they saw what was on the charge sheet. 255 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,431 - Please say deer poacher. - Traffic terrorist. 256 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,550 I'm gonna need you as a character witness. 257 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,034 Let them know what a responsible person I am. 258 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,308 (Muffled speech) 259 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,430 You have just suffocated this pregnant lady. 260 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,070 - Sorry, you're glowing. - When's your hearing? 261 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,111 Three months. Can't wear the uniform. 262 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,435 I hope you're not wearing flying squad underpants. 263 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,675 No, they're in the wash. Can you believe this? 264 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,711 Me? Me, suspended? 265 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,069 Hm... I mean, you did lose the gun, didn't you? 266 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,553 And that big stack of cannabis. 267 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,033 People lose things, Matthew. 268 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,595 Keys, people lose, Ian. Murder weapons, not so much. 269 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,915 - Can you get me some drugs? - I didn't take it, OK? 270 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,349 It went missing, it's lost. I can't get you anything. 271 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,312 That's not what she means. She means pain relief for the birth. 272 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,396 - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. 273 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,154 This guy Richard, his wife's in room 1. 274 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,634 I swear I've just seen him in 5 with Alice Brewer. 275 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,433 I know, men - they all look the same, don't they? 276 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,354 - I'm serious. - Birthing partner? 277 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,270 - No, they kissed. - People kiss all the time. 278 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,312 Nope, it was more than just a general-purpose kind of kiss. 279 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,952 - General-purpose? - Mm-hm. 280 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,992 You know, like a... kind of thing. 281 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,277 OK, what were they doing? 282 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,035 - Hello? - Er... more like a erm... 283 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,718 You know. 284 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,468 - He was sucking her arm? - No, on the face. 285 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,839 Like that, but on the mouth. 286 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,394 - Oh, so inside the mouth? - I didn't take an X-ray, 287 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,989 but you know what I'm saying - a kiss. On the mouth. 288 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,632 Like... like... (Clears throat) 289 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:22,150 Pat, er... that guy in there just now, he's with her, right? 290 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,428 He's the baby-father? 291 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,358 Oh, you don't miss much with your police training, do you? 292 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,879 Well, there's a problem. 293 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,797 Not enough lemongrass in your candle? 294 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,034 I better call Ryan. 295 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:36,229 Hey, I've got a husband and wife called Robert and Roberta. 296 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,794 It's one of those really crazy mornings. 297 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:39,989 I can top that. 298 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,473 I've got a guy who's got two women 299 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,192 about to give birth at the same time. 300 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,719 How do you like them apples? 301 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,355 Actually, it's those apples. Sorry to be a pendant. 302 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,789 Pe... OK, got it. Thank you. 303 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,791 Caitlin, can I ask you something? 304 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,435 Erm... is honesty always the best policy 305 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,436 with regard to fellow staff members? 306 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,074 Look, if you're gonna pay me a compliment, Matthew, 307 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,998 - you know, just spit it out. - Compliment? 308 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,589 Yeah, I'm not gonna report you for harassment. I promise. 309 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,119 No, no, I meant er... 310 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,832 Supposing someone was trying to... 311 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,791 become good friends with someone else, 312 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,070 but they were worried they might have messed up. 313 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,190 Why don't we just go into my office? 314 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:23,279 You know, I could close the door and the blinds. 315 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,673 And... and my eyes. 316 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,791 No, no, no. No, no. Sorry. 317 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,276 Supposing I'd accidentally done something to upset this person, 318 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,151 should I tell them or keep quiet? 319 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,317 - I'd say tell me. - The person isn't you. 320 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:40,917 - Well, who is it, then? - I can't tell you. 321 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,076 - You don't want me to know? - I don't want Lisa to know. 322 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,714 - Lisa? - No, I don't want... 323 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,996 - Theresa to know. - Theresa? 324 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,031 Theresa... May, Home Secretary. 325 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,638 Why wouldn't you want her to know? 326 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,592 If she knows, everyone's gonna know, aren't they? 327 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,518 You know, there'd be questions in the House, Newsnight. 328 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,678 I don't want that. 329 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,236 OK. 330 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,157 Tash, Tash. 331 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,992 So I've just spoken to Ryan. 332 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,077 And he said the guy he had a row with this morning was tall, 333 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,680 was coming into the hospital at 8am, 334 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,995 and was an ex-policeman. 335 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,752 - Who does that remind you of? - Arnold Schwarzenegger. 336 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,750 - Arnold Schwarzenegger? - Yeah, he's tall. 337 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,836 - But he wasn't a policeman. - He was. 338 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,758 - He's a policeman in something. - An actual policeman. 339 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,119 Well, he's tall, though. 340 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,515 Yes, yes, he's tall, I'll give you that. 341 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,232 But did he... 342 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,431 Did he come into the hospital at eight o'clock this morning? 343 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,870 I don't know. I've not got CCTV running through my brain. 344 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,869 OK, do you know of any ex-policemen 345 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,478 who work at this hospital? 346 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,636 Not apart from Matthew, no. 347 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,238 - Aha. - (Gasps) 348 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,430 I need your opinion. Have you got a second? 349 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,278 - A second opinion? - No, you're the first. 350 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,869 - Ooh, I'm honoured. - Objectively speaking, 351 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,433 - would you say... - Ah-ah-ah. 352 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,198 - I know what you're gonna ask. - Do you? 353 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,196 You are going to ask at what age 354 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,312 are women past the peak of their desirability? 355 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,352 I really wasn't. But, yes, go on then. 356 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,470 From the perspective of a happily married man, 357 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,078 I couldn't possibly say. 358 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,998 But being an unhappily married man, I can. 359 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,438 - And? - 83. 360 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,835 That's my mind put at rest for a couple of years. 361 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,871 You're welcome. 362 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,956 (Whistles) 363 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,350 You all right, mate? 364 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,876 People are wondering if you're a stalker. 365 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,309 The thing is, I need a job and wanted a quick word. 366 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,715 - Job Centre? - I thought about that. No. 367 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,399 Maybe you could put a word in for me here, mention my name. 368 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,078 - Know what I mean? - Mention your name? 369 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,236 - Let 'em know I'm available. - To do what? 370 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,838 (Scoffs) To do what you're doing. 371 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,791 - What? - I know it's not a man's job... 372 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,718 Ian, you can't just be a midwife. 373 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,637 - You are. - Yes, I... 374 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,240 Yeah, and why do you think I trained for three years? 375 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,748 Don't know. Were you a bit thick? 376 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,550 No, it's just... 377 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,600 - That's how long it takes. OK? - Hang on. 378 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,518 So what you're saying is I can't get casual labour as a midwife? 379 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,312 That's what I'm... No, you can't. 380 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,909 While you're in here, I wouldn't bandy the term casual labour. 381 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,317 What are you feeding them all? 382 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,032 (Rapid breaths) 383 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,913 Richard. Richard! 384 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,077 Hi, Ricky, it's Alice. Just wondering where you are, babes. 385 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,475 Remember you said you'd never leave me. All right, bye. 386 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,194 - Richard! - Hi, Ricky, it's Alice. 387 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,152 - How long does the car take? - Richaaaard! 388 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,191 Where are you? 389 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,912 (Groans) 390 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,908 - Do you want a cup of tea? - Nope. 391 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,320 - Can you pass me a tea bag? - Get it yourself. 392 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,880 - Well, you're right there. - Tough. 393 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,599 OK, what's going on? 394 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,153 You want to know what's going on? 395 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,428 - Yeah. - (Scoffs) 396 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,072 You want to know what's going on? 397 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,554 I haven't changed my mind since the last time you asked. 398 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,830 You know very well what's going on. 399 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,913 OK, now, erm... I know I'm supposed to be... 400 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,839 I know that I'm supposed to be supportive and everything. 401 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,871 - We had sex one time. - I don't think we did. 402 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,469 No, me and Alice. My... my... my mistress. 403 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,034 If you did it once, I'm not sure you can call her mistress. 404 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,469 You have to help me find a new identity. In Belgium. 405 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,431 Running away never solves anything, does it? 406 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,072 Unless there's a lion or something. 407 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,156 I'd rather face a lion than let Melanie find out. 408 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,758 A stickler for not fathering children 409 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,916 with other women, is she? 410 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,951 (Sobs) 411 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,751 OK. 412 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,236 OK. All right. 413 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,436 We'd broken up. 414 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,596 I went for a drink and then woke up with Alice, 415 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,552 because Alice had broken up with Darren, the photocopier guy. 416 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,114 - Sure. - And that... that was it. 417 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,469 (Groans) And then three months later, 418 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,317 Alice wanted us to be a thing, 419 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,999 but Melanie wanted us to get back together 420 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,031 and I just got stuck. 421 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,551 I didn't wanna upset anybody. 422 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,558 And then they both suddenly found themselves with child. 423 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:16,949 Bit biblical. 424 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,150 I've gotta continue this for the rest of my life. 425 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,476 Bit ambitious. But listen, erm... Richard/Ricky. 426 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,748 - It's Richard. - Richard. 427 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,028 Listen, I do understand. 428 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,073 OK? You know, I've been a little untruthful with a friend of mine 429 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,351 and now this friend might think it's a bigger lie than it was. 430 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,118 It's gonna be a logistical nightmare. 431 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,116 Stay with me while I draw a personal parallel. 432 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,151 - Sorry. - OK. The point is... 433 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,191 ...you've gotta put it right. 434 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,992 Not with my friend, with your wife. 435 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,837 No, you're right. 436 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,110 You're... you're absolutely right. 437 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,549 I'll be straight with her, she'll respect that. 438 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,592 - Yeah. - I'll ring her from Belgium. 439 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,311 (Mouths) I won't. 440 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,277 Hi. 441 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,228 Hi. 442 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,350 OK, Melanie, this is daughter. 443 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,311 - Daughter, Melanie. - (Baby gurgles) 444 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,033 - Hello. Hello! - Isn't she lovely? 445 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,911 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 446 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,916 We need to talk about something. 447 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,349 - Not the perfect moment. - Oh, OK. 448 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,755 - What is it? - It's er... a girl. 449 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,234 Yeah, I know, you said. 450 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,271 Richard, what is it? What's the matter? 451 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,876 - Well... - Hey, stupid. 452 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,990 - Yes? - She's talking to me. 453 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,837 Both of you. 454 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,474 Stupids. Come outside. 455 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,715 Would you excuse us for one minute? 456 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,470 - (Baby cries) - Back in a minute. I love you. 457 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,115 Pat, neither of us likes being called stupid, 458 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,355 even if this one does slightly deserve it. 459 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,152 You missed Alice's delivery. 460 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,760 I did my best. It's hard to be in two places at the same... 461 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,189 - Whoa. - That's... that's erm... 462 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,028 Mm. Tell me a bit more about this Darren the photocopier guy? 463 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,594 I can tell you he's in room 5 right now. 464 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,070 Better late than never, he says. 465 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,751 I gave him a smack. 466 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,399 Yeah, I think I need a little chat with Alice, actually. 467 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,113 No, no, no, no. Come on, that's the past. 468 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,628 OK? This is now, the present. 469 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,309 I haven't got her a pr... Oh, yeah. I see. 470 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,314 - Oi, oi, zebra man. - Oh, hello again. 471 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,193 Yeah, I got your message about having a meet and a chat. 472 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,754 - I'm the sadistic rabbit. - Thank you for coming over. 473 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,109 - And you mean sarcastic. - No, I don't. 474 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,757 I can see why you might want to apologise. 475 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,597 I just don't know why you did it in person. 476 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,313 Why couldn't you write it on a post-it note like everyone else? 477 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,749 - You said he only got verbal. - Yeah, with me. 478 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,279 He's always punching other guys. 479 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,072 Especially when they're interfering 480 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,758 in co-workers' relationships. 481 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,268 Like I said, I didn't realise he was your boyfriend. 482 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,117 I just thought he was an arse. 483 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,388 Swear it? 484 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,317 I swear, I thought he was an arse. 485 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,671 Aargh. I see what you mean, sorry. 486 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,396 I'm impressed you just took it, though. 487 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:00,319 Yeah, well, I didn't really feel I had the right to hit him back. 488 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,155 Don't suppose you know if Arnold Schwarzenegger 489 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,475 ever played a police officer? 490 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,599 - Er... Well, there... - Kindergarten Cop and Red Heat. 491 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,594 Undercover police officer in Kindergarten Cop, 492 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,598 Russian police official in Red Heat. 493 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,039 Mrs Edward is a big fan. 494 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,598 I prefer the works of Peter Greenaway myself. 495 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,951 Intimate, this, isn't it? 496 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,072 When your faces are so close together in a work situation. 497 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:36,275 That is why we normally enforce a territorial bubble 498 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,675 of at least 11 inches. 499 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,396 Sorry, won't happen again. 500 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,791 I better er... 501 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:47,952 I can tell you're doing a little smile. 502 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,991 We can all do little smiles. 503 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,909 Hm. Apparently I can't. 504 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,438 Say you love me. Darren? 505 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,516 Say it. Say it. Go on, just say it, Darren. 506 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:06,348 Go on, babes. I... I love... I love you. 507 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,188 Darren, just open... I, just start with I. Darren? 508 00:22:13,380 --> 00:22:21,380 Ripped By mstoll 509 00:22:21,430 --> 00:22:25,980 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39278

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.