Original subtitles

- Previously on Impress Me.

- Step 11, perform every single impression

for one last time.

- James Earl Jones.

- Harrison Ford.

- Louis Armstrong.

- Peter Griffin.

- Step 12, perform a live dramatic Shakespearean play

with zero impressions.

- Took a six months job, Ross.

This is the exact opposite of our plan.

- But look where it's gotten us.

Flat broke, and living in an RV.

This partnership can't work.

- Someone asked me the other day,

"So are you done with acting now?"

"Are you back to just being a singer?"

What's next?

I mean, why is it that we have to do that?

Why is it that we have to define ourselves by one thing?

Why would you limit yourself to one objective,

when you are capable of so much more?

You wouldn't, and I won't.

So what's next?

Anything is possible.

- Ross, that was so great, I have chills.

Seriously.

That was brilliant.

You were absolutely perfect.

- Thank you.

- Oh wow, baby.

- I had a lot of fun shootin' it.

It took way too long, but you know,

they pay well.

- Did you send in the demo for the Twilight spinoff series?

'Cause I love, love your Robert Pattinson.

- I didn't have time,

'cause I was doin' another Timberlake thing.

Honestly, my Pattinson's got

nothing on your Kristen Stewart.

- Um.

Really?

'Cause I don't really know how to answer that,

'cause it's such a weird ...

- Andrea and I have been living together

for about three months now,

and it's amazing.

Our relationship has never been stronger,

and since we're both impressionists,

it's obviously a big bonus.

- You need to listen to Master Wayne, Mr. Holmes,

because you're not a real detective,

and if you want to be a real detective,

you need to listen to Master Wayne.

You'd be like, I don't need to listen to anyone else.

I'm the greatest detective in the whole world.

- I don't, I don't need to.

- I don't need to listen to anyone else.

- Just keep it right in the front.

- I am still doing Justin Timberlake's voice doubling,

which is a great job.

I mean, it pays really well,

and this house that we're living in is the perk of the job,

so I can't complain.

- All right, up next, for Mindy Kaling.

- I think it's so incredible that same sex marriage

is legal in California now,

because, hypothetically speaking,

that means that Channing Tatum and Michael Fassbender

could get married, and then they could like,

I don't know, adopt me, or whatever,

and then they'd have to do things like get me gas,

and tuck me into bed at night.

That's actually a really good idea, you guys.

- Great, thanks.

Thank you for coming in.

- Thank you so much for having me.

- I'm sorry.

Who was that?

- Pardon?

Oh, Mindy Kaling.

- No, the voice that you're doing now.

Is that Amy Winehouse?

- Oh, no no.

I mean, we sound similar, sure.

- That is spot on.

- We're from the same area originally,

so it's not too much.

- Okay, I have a call back.

We're doing call backs tomorrow for this sing along show.

Are you available?

Do you sing?

- I do.

Sure.

- Yeah, yeah, good.

All right, three o'clock tomorrow.

See ya then.

- Great, thank you. - Thank you.

Thank you.

- Thanks.

- Next!

- Yeah, Andrea is goin' on a lot of auditions.

It's fun to watch her go out and learn on the fly.

She's great.

I'm great.

Things could not be better.

- Things have definitely been better.

I did perform a one man show of Hamlet

to a sold-out house.

That was going pretty well,

until act three scene one.

To be, or not to be.

That is the question.

Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the

slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

by opposing in them.

To die,

to sleep,

no more.

Michelangelo said that the greater danger for most of us

is not that we aim too high and we miss,

but that we aim too low, and then we reach it.

As I stood there in that 30 seat theater in Van Nuys,

I realized this performance of Hamlet,

it's never gonna catapult me to the next level,

so I pulled the chute.

And by sleep, to say we end the heartache

of a thousand natural shocks that fleshes hereto

consummation without which we could be wish.

Aye, sleep, perchance, to dream.

Aye, there's the rub.

Or in that sleep of death,

what dreams may come.

There's a respect that makes calamity of so long life.

Pangs of disprized love.

The insolence of office.

To grant and sweat under weary life,

but for the dread of something after that.

The undiscovered country, from whose borne

no traveler returns.

It makes rather bear, what ills we have,

and then fly to others,

that we knew not of.

It was not my most shining moment as a dramatic actor.

But I realized that I wasn't aiming high enough.

I've had a very, very successful voiceover career.

Voice matching for Morgan Freeman, Tommy Lee Jones,

and George Clooney, and all these guys.

The point is, my impressions career was very big,

and so my new career has to be even bigger.

That's why I've come up with a new plan

to quit doing impressions, and it's already in the works.

- He's ready to audition again?

I thought you said he was fragile.

- I just, I think he needs to get out more.

- Don't take this the wrong way, because obviously,

you know I think that he's extremely talented, but

maybe,

maybe he's had his run.

- Yeah, Jim is currently sleeping on our couch.

He and his wife are still separated.

He wasn't able to complete his 12 step program

to quit doing impressions, so

I reached out to him,

and I decided, let's make amends.

I figured it was the least I could do.

- Jim, we're having people over for Chinese food tonight,

so you're welcome to join us, as always.

- Just going to be a small gathering.

My manager and his wife.

- And you're welcome to invite whomever you like as well.

- That would be good, because Selena said

that she'd finally agree to have dinner with me again.

Which is nice that my daughter's doing that.

- Maybe, since you haven't seen Selena in awhile,

maybe you'll wanna take her out to a restaurant,

have a little more privacy.

That's fine, you don't have to eat with us.

- No no no, that's cool.

That'd be actually very nice.

What time?

- What time, honey?

- Think we said eight o'clock.

- Eight?

That's a little late in the evening, don't you think?

We don't want Chief Wiggum stoppin' by again, do you?

You might need to pack it in,

you're a little too late.

Our neighborhood is very nice,

but it has a very strict noise policy.

Any moderately loud music, television,

or talking after nine p.m. is prohibited.

- Hello.

- Good evening, officer.

- Good evening.

- As I'm sure you're aware,

I'm responding to a neighborhood complaint.

This house is violating noise ordinance,

allowed to the human ear

in excess of 50 feet of the property line.

- I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were playing the music --

- I can understand if Katy Perry was a personal

friend of yours, givin' a concert in the living room here,

and part of me could understand your little teenage dream.

I could look away unconditionally.

But if that's not the case,

then I would appreciate you keeping the volume down

to a dull roar.

- Roar, that's very clever.

You got the wit of the tiger.

- Because of this incident, and the firework

last Friday night, this will serve as your final warning.

Next time I come by, I'm gonna have to give you a fine.

- I got that Amy Winehouse call back

from the kids sing along show,

in the afternoon, on the other side of town.

- That's right, that's right.

Yes!

- I study every bloody dialect in the world.

I move to Los Angeles.

First big role I'm up for,

they want me to sound like meself.

- That's a good thing, trust me.

Hey listen, babe.

We'll keep it simple.

We'll just meet up at eight,

and we'll have a nice, low key evening, okay?

- Yeah, well thanks, 'cause I'm gonna need it after today.

- Gentles do not reprehend,

if you pardon, we will mend.

- Give us your hand, if we be friends,

and Robin shall restore amends.

- It's true.

Ross and I, we've made amends.

We're adults, we don't hold grudges.

People make mistakes,

and people should forgive.

- Exactly.

Although I'm not quite sure which mistakes

you're referring to.

- Well, certain people said certain things

that they probably wish they could take back,

but we move forward, and we don't dwell on petty idiocies.

- I still feel like you're blaming someone,

but I'm not sure who you feel like is at fault.

- The fault, dear Brutus,

lies not in our stars,

but in ourselves.

- Oh alas, the frailty is to blame, not we,

for such as we are made up of such we be.

- What's done is done.

What's past is prologue.

- All the world's a stage,

and all the men and women --

- Wait, are you still mad at me dude?

- What?

We were trying to quit impressions,

and you took an impressions job.

- You kicked me out of Hamlet, the day of our performance.

- What was I supposed to do?

- You were supposed to understand the context

of the situation.

- You quit on me.

- You quit on me!

- My wife kicks me out of the house,

and you're too good to live in a nice RV

for a couple of months, while we sort this thing through,

and, what?

- I'm sorry.

You're right.

I should've made it more clear from the beginning

that, while I definitely wanted to pursue

more dramatic acting work, I didn't wanna give up

on impressions entirely.

You're right, I'm sorry.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- So, as I was saying.

Ross and I have made amends,

and we don't bear grudges, we move forward.

- Aren't you going to apologize now?

- For what?

♪ Twinkle ♪

♪ Twinkle ♪

♪ Little star ♪

♪ How I wonder ♪

♪ What you are ♪

- I'm sorry, but were you just doing Amy Winehouse?

That is uncanny.

- Thanks, it's not even close, really.

- Oh, you are still committed to it, I love that.

Who else are you doing?

- What do you mean?

- Well, as you know, it's a kid sing along show,

that taps into the adult audience,

by using references for ...

My point is, why would they hire one person

to do one impression,

when they can hire one person to do 10 impressions, right?

- Uh, yeah.

Yes, of course, yeah.

- I'm starting off British, too, with Adele.

So that'll be something like,

♪ Twinkle ♪

♪ Twinkle ♪

♪ Little star ♪

And then I'd be Zooey Deschanel,

♪ How I wonder ♪

♪ What you are ♪

And then, for moms who grew up in the '90s,

maybe Alanis Morissette

♪ Up above the world so high ♪

And then, for the grandparents,

I'll go old school with Liza Minnelli,

♪ Like a diamond ♪

♪ A diamond really ♪

♪ That's up in the sky ♪

I'll sneak in some Gwen Stefani, I think.

♪ Twinkle ♪

♪ Twinkle ♪

♪ Little star ♪

I'll end with Celine Dion.

♪ How I wonder ♪

♪ What you are ♪

How 'bout you?

- 12 step program to quit impressions,

you know, it was flawed.

I partnered with Ross, who was unreliable.

This time, I'm flying solo,

and I'm givin' it 100%.

More, really.

- There are openings, I need to expand, right?

Did you actually read the breakdown for the

Expendables movie promo?

- I did.

- I'd be perfect for that, you know?

- You would?

- I would.

- Excellent.

- I'd be like Sly Stallone,

hey, we're gettin' the band back together again.

Or Arnold'll like, who the hell do you think you are,

giving me orders?

- I mean, you're right.

I could submit you for other projects,

you might even book it.

But the thing is, if Justin calls,

you're contractually obligated to work for him,

so it's just one of those things, Ross.

- So ...

- So, you've got a great job,

and I think you should just focus on that,

and be happy right now.

- Maybe the answer is that I need to start

producing my own content.

I had this great idea, the other day,

for gettin' Spacy with Kevin Spacey.

- Or Gerard Butler's, the Butler.

I play the butler in the White House.

Spanning 40 years.

I mean, it's just lots of possibilities.

Anything, Gary, I don't care what it is.

I don't wanna just be doing Justin frickin' Timberlake.

- Hello?

It's him.

It's the Timberlake team.

- Have you met Gary's wife before?

- No, but I think she's in the

entertainment industry as well.

- And, you'll confirm with Jim?

- Well, yeah, he's still sitting on our couch,

so I'm assuming he's joining us.

- What about Selena?

- Oh.

Yeah, she's coming too.

- Ross!

You know she hates me more than the bloody plague.

- She's just jealous, and harmless.

- Oh, Selena, hi there.

How are you?

You look radiant.

- Is my dad here?

- Jim, of course, yeah.

He's in his room.

Well, it's our room.

It's our couch.

We call it his room, it's really just like a

couch, so he's got his bed part,

and we sit on the other side.

- Hi Ross, how are you?

- It's good to see you.

- Good to see you.

- Yeah, what's new?

- I am a writer's assistant at the LA Times.

It's just a start, but it pays.

- Great.

- And, I moved into my own place.

It is so nice.

I would love for you to come see it sometime,

and I don't have any roommates or anything.

It's just me.

- I gotta go check on something.

Yes, be right back.

- Hey, Andrea, how are ya?

You look beautiful.

This is my wife, Bianca.

- Oh, isn't this a surprise.

Oh, what a small world.

It's good to see you again.

- You promised me an enjoyable, relaxing evening.

- Exactly.

So let's just focus on the positive.

- Focus on the positive?

- Yeah.

- I'm about to have dinner with Selena,

who won't utter a word to me,

and claims that my boyfriend is her soulmate,

and then Bianca, the world's greatest female impressionist,

who wants to rub it in my face.

- Your hair looks great.

- Not good enough.

- So Jim, what's new?

- Thanks for asking, actually,

I'm finishing up a big project that I've been working on.

- Don't ask him what it is,

he's living under our roof,

and we still have no idea what it is.

He's not giving me one hint.

- I think that's smart.

I took six months off acting last year,

never told anyone why.

I just followed my heart, and I came back

stronger than ever.

In fact, I booked another impression job today.

- Yeah, but don't wait too long, Jim.

I mean, you're too talented, my man.

- Thank you, but impressions, as a career,

no offense, Bianca, 'cause I know that's your thing,

but for me, I look at it as,

is this really a lifestyle choice?

Is this what I wanna do with my whole career?

Is this meaningful enough?

- It paid for my college tuition.

- Talk to your mother about our debt.

- Yeah, I think impressions can be meaningful, sure.

- You're meaningful.

- I did an impression of Nora Jones,

on a streetcar in New Orleans, that touched

an old woman so much, she wept in my arms for three hours.

It's one of those life moments.

- It's a gift.

- Ross is a gift.

- This woman, right here,

she does the best Amy Winehouse, rest in peace,

that I have ever heard.

If she would've performed it for her call back today,

she would've been cast on the spot.

- What do you mean, if?

- Well, I heard her warming up,

and it was stunning, but, as you know,

when they called her name,

she got up and left.

- You left?

- I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I thought that you knew.

- I wasn't goin' to get it.

- You left?

- I wasn't gonna get it.

- You don't, Bianca, what I said before about

impressions, I take that all back.

I was just ...

No, it's silly, because there's absolutely

a time and place for 'em,

and impressions definitely are meaningful, absolutely.

In fact, you know,

it's nice to have a little music with dinner,

don't you think?

Maybe a little duet between Louis Armstrong and --

- Louie.

- And Nora Jones, what about that?

Let's give it a shot. - Sounds great.

- Why not? Yeah.

- Okay.

- Come on, get behind the chair.

- Okay, oh.

Never been done before kids, here we go.

♪ Oh when the saints ♪

♪ Oh when the saints ♪

♪ Go marching in ♪

♪ Go marching in ♪

♪ When the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Listen to her sing ♪

♪ How I want to be in that number ♪

♪ Yes indeed ♪

♪ When the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh when the saints ♪

♪ When the saints ♪

♪ Go marching in ♪

♪ Go marching in ♪

♪ When the saints go marchin' in ♪

- Somebody should get out an iPhone and record this.

♪ With my honky tonk woman ♪

♪ With my honky ♪

♪ When the saints go marching in ♪

- Sh, sorry, sorry please.

Just bring it down just, yeah.

Oh, good evening officer.

- I could understand if Beyonce was a friend of yours.

She brought a few single ladies over,

and you find one of 'em irreplaceable,

and wanted to put a ring on it.

But this is the second time you've been in violation

of the noise ordinance.

So I'm gonna have to write you a fine.

- Actually, officer, we --

- Excuse me?

- What I meant to say is that,

I don't wanna brag,

but we've got some VIPs here tonight with us.

- Who?

- Some very important people.

Celebrity types.

- I'm gonna need to see some form of I.d.

- It's Dustin Hoffman, Cristina Aguilera,

and Miley Cyrus.

- You're not kiddin', it's really them.

Hey dude, do you think they'd mind if I came in,

and said hello?

- Do you realize how offensive that is?

I mean, these are, these are celebrities,

at a private residence.

They get hounded every day by paparazzi and fans like,

I mean ...

- Wow, I should, I should know that.

I should be thinking about that.

It's just that I'm a big fan of Miley Cyrus.

- Well, we can't stop the dinner party.

Have you come in like a wrecking ball.

- I see what you did there, right?

I see what you did there, came back and you put it back.

You did the thing that I did.

- Right, right.

- When I first came, but I was playing it off.

- That's cool, that's cool.

- No, I kind of like doin' that.

Maybe I'll go out there,

and I'll be quiet, if I write a letter,

and I come back and I knock,

and I give it to you, slip it under the door,

maybe you give it to Miley.

- You should knock on the door.

Again, I just heard a wrecking ball.

I know that we're technically in violation

of the noise ordinance,

but you know, given the circumstances, I think --

- I was never here.

- All right?

- I was never here.

- And that's why quitting impressions

might not be the best idea.

- Agree to disagree.

♪ Rock a bye baby ♪

♪ On the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows ♪

♪ The cradle will rock ♪

♪ When the bough breaks ♪

♪ The cradle will fall ♪

♪ Down ♪

♪ Will come baby ♪

♪ Cradle and ♪

♪ All ♪

- Okay, fine.

I'll tell you my plan.

- On the next Impress Me.

- Hello?

- Yes hello, am I talking with, is this Jessica?

- Yeah, who's calling?

- Actually, this is Robert Downey Junior.

- Okay, this is actually, this is you.

- Yes.

- Right?

- Absolutely.

Thanks for speaking to me.

- Robert.

Can I call you Robert?

- Knock yourself out, sure, why not?

- Okay.

Robert.

♪ Soap and cake ♪