All language subtitles for Impress.Me.S01E01.The.Beginning.of.the.End.WEip264-ION10

- And, so, you know, producers
and everybody's in one room

and I'm in the recording booth.

- Yeah.
- All of a sudden,

into the booth walks Al Pacino.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.

Al Pacino walks into the booth with you?

- Yes, and he's like,
"Whoa, where's Bobby?"

- Where's Bobby?
- Where's Bobby?

- He overheard you in the other room.

He though that you were De Niro.

- So then, he stays in the booth with me

and I'm still working and he's like--

- That didn't happen.
- It did.

And then like 10 minutes
into it, De Niro walks in.

- You're messing with me.

- He walks in and I guess we're gonna

have lunch or something, and then Al goes,

"Oh, Bobby this guy sounds just like you."

And Robert De Niro's like,

"Really?

"You sound like me?

"You talkin' like me?"

- He says, "You talkin' like me?"

He does the face?

- You talkin' like me, you sound like me?

They're pushing on me,
you know, my two idols.

I don't wanna do the De Niro impression.

You understand.
- You don't wanna offend them.

- I don't wanna offend
them, it's not gonna work.

- What did ya do?

- I did Christopher Walken.

Al, Bobby, c'mon, we're three New Yorkers.

We're tryin' to make a living.

I'm a hired gun.

And then Al goes ballistic and
goes, "It's got magic balls!"

- Magic balls.

- Out he goes from the studio and then,

De Niro and I are alone.

De Niro's scrutinizing me.

He's looking me up and down.

He says to me finally, he goes,

"You're talented.

"You should get a life."

It's like the best moment and
the worst moment of my career.

- I don't know, I just
thought maybe we could

start the day with exercise.

- Well, that's a good theory.

- Hey, did you get that Breaking Bad

animated thing turned in?

Because your demo was fantastic.

- Thanks, yeah, I'm gonna do it today.

Boy, yeah, wasn't Ross's
Jesse Pinkman great?

I'm not in love with my Walter White.

- Oh, your Walter White is great.

You're 10 times better than
the Malcolm in the Middle dad.

- Bryan Cranston, he's
got three Emmy's and

his job is not in danger.

He is the danger.
- See, that is good.

- Every night, before I go to bed,

I've gotten in the habit
of writing my own obituary.

It's an exercise.

Probably not terribly healthy,

but I'll list out an
assessment of the things

I think are positive about my life so far.

And in the obituary I write:

loving husband, good father,
great parallel parker.

All these important things.

And then, I think about my career as

a voiceover actor and
an impressionist and...

And I get depressed.

Although, I've had success.

I really have had some amazing success.

George Bush talking a little bit faster.

Enough is enough!

I've had it these mother sister snakes

on this Monday through Friday plane!

Give me the keys, you fairy godmother.

Yippee ki-yay, Mr. Falcon.

Which wallet is mine?

The one that says bad
hat monkey feather on it.

Fargo fixture show.

I just feel like I'm at a crossroads.

And I need a change.

So, honestly, I'm ready to just

give it all up and quit doing impressions.

♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

- Al Pacino!

♪ Over the fields we go ♪

♪ Laughing all the way ♪

- John C. Reilly!

♪ Bells on bob-tails ring ♪

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

- Michael Caine!

♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing ♪

♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪

- Brad Pitt!

- Jingle bells, jingle bells--

- Harrison Ford!

- Oh, what fun it is to ride

in a one-horse open sleigh--

- James Gandolfini!

- Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way!

- Kevin Spacey!

- Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh.

I haven't watched this
video in over a year.

You know, it went viral.

I was invited onto Conan,
Kimmel's night show,

Rachael Ray, Ellen, everywhere,

but after the appearances
dried up I went flat broke.

And my 15 minutes of fame were up.

And that's when Jim saw my video.

He offered to mentor me and his
wife Annie became my manager

and it was amazing.

Just, really fantastic of them.

- Celina, aren't you hungry?

- I'm starving.

- We should wake him up.

- No, don't.

He's so beautiful when he sleeps.

He's like a puppy dog.

- You know he's kind of old for you.

- Hey, Pinkman!

Wake up, we've gotta cook.

- That was it, right there.

- Sure, Ross has been on our
couch for about six months.

But it's not permanent.

And he's a terrific actor,

so it's really only a matter of time

before he gets a big
break, gets a big show,

and then we'll all be
camping out on his couch.

Metaphorically speaking.

- Look, I personally
enjoyed doing impressions,

but do you know how many people think

I'm some sort of trained monkey

here to perform for them at will?

It's annoying.

- Could you say that as Colin Farrell?

- Uh, what?

- I mean, say that I'm amazing,
but say it as Colin Farrell.

- Amber, you are bloody amazing.

- Oh my god, yes.

Now, do Matthew McConaughey.

- When I was a kid I didn't wanna

do an impression of Al Pacino.

That was not my goal.

I wanted to be Al Pacino.

I wanted to be a great dramatic actor.

- I wanted to be Justin Timberlake.

- You still can, I think.

We've tried to stop doing impressions

many times, but, they want a
Morgan Freeman, George Clooney

inspirational speech.

Hollywood industry people,
Spielberg-level people

are gonna be there.

I didn't just wanna say no to it.

- We were just talking about this--

- It's $10,000.

- That's what they said.

- But this time is different.

This time, we're prepared.

Ross and I have a 12-step program

to stop doing impressions
and to transition

into becoming respected dramatic actors.

- Well, if you guys email me

your Breaking Bad audition

I'll make sure to get it
to the casting director.

- I told ya I'd do it.

Sure, you know what else I'll do?

I'll throw a lasso around the moon

and I'll bring it down to you and I'll

stick it on an email and an attachment--

- Alright, alright, alright.

Hey, until you get a job you work for me.

Come on.

- Okay, this is it.

Step one starts now.

- Seriously, Mr. White?

- Step one?

Write down every impression

you've ever done and read it out loud.

- I'm illiterate though,
so it's gonna be tough.

- I can read it to you.

- Cool.

- Colin Farrell.

Goodbye.

Walter Cronkite.

Until next time.

Ewan McGregor.

Harvey Keitel.

Quentin Tarantino.

That's what you've gotta go.

Quentin Tarantino.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great, great, great.

1960's Jack Nicholson.

1970's Jack Nicholson.

Subtle difference.

1980's Jack Nicholson.

A little more badass.

Skip the 90's and go right to the

current Jack Nicholson.

Step two.

At random, select one of your impressions

and perform it for 24 hours.

- And the point of this
is to really hone in

on who you are at the core

by imprisoning yourself into
another person's personality.

- Yeah.

- In this corner, legendary action star,

two-time Academy Award nominee:

Sylvester Stallone.

I have a voice of integrity and the

most trusted voice in American
television broadcasting:

Tom Brokaw.

- Let's do this.

- An honor and a privilege.

- It'd be a privilege and an honor.

- I cannot wait to get started.

- You got it.

- Here we go.

- Here we are.

- What a tremendous opportunity.

- This is great, I feel good.

We love each other.

What are you doing?

I've got the remote.

This is the one that does it.

- You have a remote.

You do not have the actual remote--

- No, I have the remote.

This is the remote that does it.

- I beg to differ.

This is the one that controls--

- No, this is the remote--

- There.

I adjusted that channel lower--

- No, I did that.

Tom, I don't mean to be rude or nothin'

but I feel like maybe we might be

going the wrong way.

- Oh, no, I'm positive
the deli's right up here.

- Hold on, let me ask Siri.

Hey, Siri, where are we going to that deli

that Tom Brokaw was talkin' about?

- LOL.

- LOL?

What the hell?

- I'd like to find a
nice meatball sandwich

with possibly a little bit of cheese

and some .

- I think it's fun to dress up and

be someone else for a day.

You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

Like in a movie or doing whatever.

Hey, listen, you get to do something

you'd never be able to do.

You get to say something
you'd never be able to say.

It's amazing, you know?

At the end of the day,
you wanna be accepted

and loved for who you
really are deep down inside.

Am I right?

- And of course, we all have a choice.

Whether to follow the status quo

or to follow our hearts.

If we have a vision,
we need to keep an eye

on the prize and kick all the obstacles

out of our way.

It all begins with honest communication,

first with ourselves,

and then with our loved ones.

Of course, I haven't told my wife Annie,

who's also my manager,

about my plan to quit doing impressions.

But...

Yo, Mr. White.

- What is it Jesse?

- Knock. Knock.

- I'm the one who knocks politely!

I'm the one who wipes his feet before

he walks in the front door!

I'm the one who does his chores!

- Yo, Mr. White.

I'm scared that we're in danger.

- We are not in danger.

We're the ones busting danger!

- Oh.

Yeah, buddy!

Yeah, buddy!

So, we're two steps into
Jim's 12-step program to--

- Our 12-step program.

- Our 12-step program to quit doing

impressions and become
serious dramatic actors.

- Right, step three.

Make as much money as you can

from impressions one last time.

- I like step three.

- Oh, yeah.

'Cause it makes sense.

You know, if we're gonna
be giving up impressions

we need to make a little bit of money--

- I love step three.

- Because the Breaking Bad gig is good,

but it doesn't pay that well.

- It's no step three.

- I don't know if you know this,

but I've been on the streets
longer than you have.

Yeah?

- You need to eat a complete breakfast

with wholesome ingredients.

That's your problem.

- I always do.

- Say my magic crime-fighting name.

That's good, yeah.

Cool.

And you want the alternates, too?

Okay.

- Yo, Mr. White.

Yo, Mr. White.

Mr. White.

Yeah, science!

Yeah, science!

Yeah, chemistry!

Yeah, chemistry!

Yeah, kids!

- Yeah.

That would be perfect.

I like that.

Great, excellent stuff, man.

I really enjoyed it.

Yeah, I'm Wesley Fisher, one of the

executive producers of the show.

- We know who you are.

- Nice to meet you, sir.

- My pleasure.

Listen, you guys have a moment to talk?

I might have a little something for ya.

- Sure.

- Yeah.
- For sure.

- I've been in the entertainment
business for a long time.

Met a lot of great people.

Now, this isn't a job that you
can tell you friends about.

It's not a job that
you put on your resume.

This is a confidential
service that you provide

for my clients, who happen
to be A-list talent,

and pay top dollar for it.

- Step three.

- Step three!

- What!
- Kabloom!

- Pew pew pow!

- Shrapnel.

- See, Jim.

This is the type of job
I've been talking about.

I mean, it is great.

We can start paying off some
of Celina's college debt.

- We don't really have that
that much debt though, right?

- You know, I don't want
you to worry about money.

I mean, that's my job.

- I'm worried, right.

- Listen, we're gonna be fine

as long as you keep bringing
in these big checks.

This is why you're an impressionist, okay?

It's an expertise.

It's a specialty.

Not everyone can do it.

Bryan Cranston?

He can't do impressions.

- Why do you keep picking
on Bryan Cranston?

He's a terrific actor, director.

- But you know what,
you have a gift, okay.

It's a gift.

And, you know what?

If I'm gonna be really honest with you,

I don't think Ross can do this.

- What do you mean?

- I just don't think he has
it in him to do what you do.

I mean, you know, maybe he could be

a great dramatic actor if he focused.

I don't know.

I don't think he has it.

Maybe he's not an impressionist.

You're an impressionist, right?

- Annie.

- What?

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- Okay, Ross.

We've got you set up in here.

There's your cellphone for the day.

Here's your itinerary.

It's got your names, phone numbers,

times, everything.

I trust you have your talking points

memorized for each call?
- Yeah.

- If not, feel free to
have it in front of you.

If for whatever reason you can't perform

or you can't answer a question, hang up.

Don't feel bad.

Happens all the time.

Regroup, call back.

Better than the alternative.

- Right.
- Right?

And there's your phone.

That's for you.

- Okay.
- Any questions?

- Uh, no.

I think it's all here.

- Okay.

I'll stop by with any changes.

They always seem to come up.

- Okay.

Thank you.

- Academy Award-winning filmmaker

Woody Allen joins us.

Woody, it's great to have you back.

- Thank you.

It's nice to be breathing.

I've been doing a lot of praying, too.

Which is unusual, because as you may know

I'm an atheist.

For me to pray is kind of like

going in and ordering
the duckling a l'orange

at the Home Depot.

I know it's not gonna arrive.

Or if it does it's gonna
have a lot of sawdust in it.

- Yeah, Al Pacino's been moved up.

Just remember that that's
not a radio interview.

You're callin' his ex.

She just likes when he checks in

every once in a while.

- Gotcha.

- You'll be fine, don't worry about it.

- Okay.

- Your Ian McKellen got
pushed back an hour.

Sir Ian McKellen.

- Yeah, this is with Patrick Stewart.

- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.

- Ian hates Patrick, but then

Patrick keeps settin' up phone calls.

So, this is the way we handle it.

- Wesley's sorry, but he
had to go for the day.

So, your Justin Timberlake call

is now at two o'clock and that means

that your call-in number that was

at two is now at three.

- Gotcha, thanks.

I'm Ross, by the way.

- I'm married.

- Hello, this is Ian.

- Hello, number one.

I'm sorry to hear you
canceled our chess match,

but I'm glad this call could be arranged.

- Oh, yes.

Well, I'm awfully sorry I had to cancel

our chess match, but you know these days

when I play chess with anyone,

I always feel that death might be lurking

over my shoulder, like
in some Birdman film.

Very off-putting.

- Sounds rather interesting.

By the way, I'd like to run an idea

past you for a film.

It's called Grumpy Old X-Men.

- Really?

Oh.

My call's been great.

How 'bout you?

- It's great.

Man, this is some easy money, huh?

- I know, right?

Plus, I'm getting to talk
to some really cool people.

- Oh, I know.

So, are you done for the day or what?

- I think I'm done, but I haven't

gotten the final--

- Jim, Ross, hey, one more thing, guys.

We just got word that Christian Bale

had another on-set freakout.

He started cursing at the crew,

and of course somebody got it on tape.

But it hasn't gone public yet.

So, we want to get ahead of it.

But we need a Christian
Bale apology interview,

like, two minutes ago.

His reps are gonna pay big money

because they are really
desperate for something.

But it's really high stakes, guys.

I mean, this is gonna
play on every media outlet

in the world for the next week and a half.

So, it has to be perfect.

- Well, you're the veteran.

It's all you.

- Oh, no, no, no.

No, Christian Bale.

He's more in your wheelhouse than mine.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, I think you should take this one.

- Yes, can we decide?

Ross?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, great.

- You know, as actors we're trained

to keep our emotions readily available,

but I failed to keep them under control.

And for that I so apologize.

I apologize to my crew,
and I apologize to--

- Christian, you're a nice guy.

You're a nice guy, but this
happened twice now on set.

- Yeah, I know.

And I'm sorry.

I sincerely apologize for that.

And I understand--

- I'm sorry, but I don't
understand, Christian.

You're a professional,
so we expect more of you.

- I was out of line.

I apologize and I promise
when I return to set--

- I think that people
are going to want you

off set from here on out.

With all due respect, are
you a professional or not?

- Uh, look, I think I've made it clear--

- Oh, you've made it clear.

You've made it clear.

I mean, c'mon now.

Dut-da-dut-da-da.

You're actions speak louder--

- Let's try and keep
this professional, yeah--

- No, no, don't shut me up.

You said you're professional,

but your actions are amateur.

I'm not asking you that,
I'm telling you that.

Dut-da-dut-da-da.

Which Christian are we gonna get--

- Why are you trashing the interview, man?

You're trashing the interview--

- Who are we actually going to believe?

- No, no!
- Honestly.

- Listen, you're trashing
the interview, man!

I tried to call here to apologize

and you're in here, dut-da-dut-da-da!

It's distracting, mate!

Why are ya doing it?

We're done, man!

You and me are never gonna work together

in this town.

I was trying to apologize!

I was .

- I mean, I called this.

I knew it was gonna happen.

I told you he doesn't have the chops.

I told you he could not take the pressure.

And then look at this, look.

He's blown so much money for us

because you had to vouch for him.

- Well, Annie.

That's not the way it happened, okay?

- Jim, I heard the interview, all right.

Everyone has heard that interview.

It's all over the news.

Ross blew it.

- Yeah, but it wasn't Ross.

- What are you talking about?

- It was me.

I did it, wasn't Ross.

- No, no, Ross does Christian Bale.

- Okay, it was a super long day.

And Ross looked tired.

I said, "Go home, I'll do this."

And I started it and the interviewer

was obviously trying
to get a rise outta me.

He got under my skin.

I snapped.

And what can I say?

It was totally unprofessional.

It'll never happen again.

Don't we all have moments where

we withhold the truth or bend the truth

or alter the truth slightly
for a greater purpose?

And so, at the end of
the day, that's okay.

Maybe down the road it's not so okay.

But for that day it's fine,

because you've got something else in mind.

- Honestly, I'm not surprised,

because Jim, he's always
been there for me.

- On the next Impress Me.

- Oh, hey, we haven't officially met.

You're one of the criminals, right?

- Sorry, my name's Matt.

- Sorry, my name's Matt.

- Your name's Matt, too?

- I don't know, Jesse.

- It's crazy out there, yo.

♪ Soul Pancake ♪