Original subtitles

Isn't this exciting?

Our first father -son camping trip is only a week away. We are going to do

pretty serious bonding.

Come on.

You're going to love it. Out in the wild, living off the land.

No TVs, no computers, no video games.

What are we, Amish?

Come on, let's work on our casting.

Sashay pivot pose.

Sashay pivot pose.

Sashay pivot pose. Work it, girl.

Oh, no.

What are you doing?

We just found a quick way to make some easy money. Okay, for the last time,

you're not selling your eggs. Or Sydney.

The Glen Falls Mall is hosting a mother -daughter fashion show, and first prize

is $2 ,000. And Sydney and I are entering. Wait a minute. Mother

You're not mother -daughter. The rules state that an aunt can substitute for

mother if the aunt doesn't have a daughter of her own or the mother owns a

of jeans with elastic in the back.

Hey!

You know I get prickly heat.

A competitive fashion show.

You know, Sydney, I would have entered with you if you'd asked.

Awkward.

I just thought that...

You know, maybe you'd want to enter with Haley, because, you know, you guys are

the same body type.

Pass. I'll be busy plunging needles in my eyes.

Look, Hope. Hope.

If it was merely a question of sashaying down the runway, I'm sure Sidney would

have been happy to include you, as painful as that might have been for the

of us to witness.

But there's more to it than that.

We have to create and design our own outfits, which means Sidney needs

with a sense of style, not someone who... wears a lollipop pin.

Haley made this.

Did she?

Okay, I made it, so what of it?

Come on, Sidney.

Now, where can we find some old, ugly clothes that we can cut up and practice

on? Oh, I know. Your mother's closet.

That's true.

Sashay, pivot, pose.

Work it, girl.

On that staircase.

Let's do it.

Let's enter the fashion show. You and me.

Are you serious? Come on. We can design circles around those, too.

Okay. I'm in.

This is going to be so much fun.

Now, come on. There's so much to do, so we better get started right away.

Watch me thread.

Sashay, pivot, pose.

Sashay, pivot, pose.

That's it, Mom. Own that floor.

Check out the competition.

Looks like I won't be needing these.

Yeah, I'm gonna need those back.

Hey, check it out.

It's our last year's winners, Colette and Ivana Charles.

Okay, here we are.

You, um, you get made up, and I will... Go find us a good cubicle.

I guess we know who our competition is.

Or do you?

Hope, what are you doing backstage? This area is for contestants only.

Did you hear that, Haley? This area is for contestants only.

Oh. I guess we'll have to compete then.

Ta -da!

What? Oh, no.

What? You scared?

Yeah. For you.

Oh, this is fashion, Hope. This isn't some bake -off or some toilet bowl

cleaning contest.

Yeah, you guys could really embarrass yourselves.

Or embarrass you when we win.

Mom, I think Haley's doing drugs.

Now, now, just because we're competing against each other doesn't mean we can't

be supportive.

Especially after we beat you.

Oh, my God, they're both high.

Come on, Sydney.

Let's go grease our teeth.

Don't do anything to win.

Mom, did you stuff your bra?

Of course I didn't stuff my bra.

What? It's allergy season.

Is nothing.

So we're here?

We're here.

Oh, I'm telling you, buddy.

You're going to love it up here.

Help!

There you go.

Oh, so peaceful.

Hey, I'm Ed.

This is my son, Nick. I'm Charlie. This is my son, Justin. Hey, come on over.

Thank you.

Hey, you guys want to watch a game?

Nick's going to kill the cat.

Care to put your money where your mouth is?

Uh, thanks, but we've got to set up camp.

Well, suit yourself, but get Boyle right next door. Oh, thanks. Thanks. Listen,

you and your son want to do a little serious bird watching. Feel free to come

over. Yeah, okay, okay.

Well, come on, buddy. That black -throated blue mountain wood warbler

going to spot itself.

Well,

I'd like to welcome everybody to the Glen Falls Mother Daughter Fashion Show.

I'm your host, Paul Schaefer.

You don't have to do that. Thank you very much. Before we start, though, I'd

like to introduce our celebrity judge, Miss Patricia Field.

You know, yes, Pat did the costumes for Sex and the City.

Anyway, on with the fun. This afternoon, you're going to see three distinct

looks. You're going to see club wear, swim wear, and formal wear. Now, the

judges will post their scores after each round, and after all three rounds,

we'll have ourselves a winner. So let's get started right away with Clubware.

Ladies, be fabulous.

And I know you will. How about it, gang, for Colette and Ivana Charles.

I know.

What kind of nightclub are they going to?

Not nightclub. It's sporting club.

Please welcome Faith Fairfield and Sidney Shanowski on Night at the Roxy.

Now, remember, gentlemen, these ladies are working for tips only.

Ouch, did I say that out loud?

I went somewhere I shouldn't have gone. Very nice, ladies.

And now, Hope and Haley Shanowski, A Day at the Writing Club.

More like it.

I'm sorry, sweetie.

It was just a little stumble.

Zip it, mother. I'm not in the mood.

Don't feel bad, Sydney.

You still have those great grades.

Oh, wait.

That's me.

Okay.

Let's take the high road here.

Trash talk is for trashy people.

Look, you just got lucky that round because we misunderstood the category.

you're going down, Hope. You're going down hard and fast, Sydney. Come on. Oh,

yeah?

Your swimwear?

We are so going to win.

And now, Faith Fairfield and Sidney Chenault.

Goodness, that... Was it?

We are so going to leave.

I knew I should have ventured with Aunt Louise.

You couldn't lose the last five pounds, could you, Mother?

Hey!

You did that on purpose.

Aw, can I get you some cheese to go with your wine?

Sure. I'll take a pound of cottage cheese right out of your thighs.

And now, Hope and Haley Chenault.

I'm so hungry.

Why don't you use a match?

There are no matches in the wild.

You left them in the car, didn't you? Right on the dash.

Why don't we get a nick?

No, Justin, you've got to forget about them. We are on our own, enjoying the

great outdoors.

Bonding, huh? Besides, I can do this.

Hey, we got a couple extra burgers on the grill if you guys are interested.

Yes! No, thanks. We're good.

Suit yourself.

Yeah.

Dad, how about I just go over and eat one hamburger, play one video game, then

come right back and spend the rest of the night watching you rub two sticks

together?

You stay here.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Charlie, changed your mind about those burgers, huh? No, thanks, Ed.

Wow.

Those smell really good.

Uh, look, Ed, I'm out here trying to bond with my son, you know?

Trying to teach him about roughing it and living off the land.

Yeah, me too.

You call that roughing it? You're drinking margaritas?

Watching basketball, your son's playing video games.

That's not roughing it. And it's certainly not bonding.

Why don't you mind your own business, Ranger Freud?

I'm trying to.

But I can't hear anything over your TV and your damn generator.

I got it. I got it. I got it.

Did you get a match? Are you having burgers?

You pissed him off.

Hey, watch your language.

And yes, I did.

He bit his burger right in front of me.

Come on.

We're fine.

We have everything we need right here.

Hey.

We've got a good time to set up the dew catcher.

Look that way.

Anyone's ballgame.

Sure is.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

This is silly.

We're all sisters.

We should be rooting for each other.

You guys look great.

Aw, thanks.

It's Hayley's design.

Really? Yeah.

Wow, Hayley, that's... Really?

We should go get dressed.

Good luck.

You too.

How's my hair?

Too poofy?

Not too poofy?

Mom, it's perfectly poofy.

I saw through your whole make -nice act.

You'll pay for this, Hope. You'll pay for this like you paid for our entry

What? I'll tell you later.

I can't believe you'd accuse me of destroying your dress.

I'd never do something like that.

Yes, you would. Because you were jealous that Cindy wanted to do the fashion

show with me. That's the reason you entered.

No, it isn't. The reason I entered was because I thought it would be a fun

to do with Haley. And also...

To prove something to you.

What? That I have style.

I'm sick of you always putting me down all the time for not being pretty or

having good taste or any fashion sense.

It's called constructive criticism.

And I can't help it if I happen to have a fabulous sense of style.

Style? You dress like a cartoon.

I have something to tell you.

I was the one who shredded your dress.

We're very sorry.

We'll pay for all the damages.

And you and I are going back into therapy.

Fine. But my doctor this time.

Yours is a quack.

mind that. What about my cottage cheese thighs?

The truth is, I'd kill to have your thighs.

Now, is there something nice you'd like to say to me about my

appearance?

All right.

I'm going to tell you something, but if you repeat it, I'll deny it.

I know I'm hot.

But I've always thought that you were the really pretty one.

That's not true.

I know.

I'm trying to be the really humble one.

But you're not.

I know.

And now it's time for our final look.

Formal wear.

Sorry, girl.

We really screwed this up.

So embarrassed.

We've set a terrible example.

Now we can't even finish the competition.

Yes, we can.

What do you think, Aunt Faith? A little haute couture?

No. You take it, son.

Look, I know you can't really appreciate this right now.

Someday, you're going to look back on this as a fond memory.

Oh, you're serious.

My dad used to take me camping.

One time, I had to get up in the middle of the night and pee.

I was wearing my little bunny slippers.

I was attacked by a family of screech owls.

The next morning, we got up to go fishing. I got a fish hook right through

thumb. See this?

See that? Yeah. Can't do it with this hand. Got nothing.

That sounds awful.

Yeah, but you know what?

It really wasn't so bad because I got to hang out with my dad.

You know what?

This isn't so bad either, because I get to hang out with my dad.

Come here.

Hotel?

Race you to the car.

Let's hear it for Lana and Sophia Smith.

There's a name you don't want to mispronounce.

Now we have Hope and Haley Shanowski.

No offense, ladies, but I think you need a second coat.

And here comes Faith Fairfield and Sidney

Shanowski.

Oh, they look great.

You know, it's not every woman who can wear... Ladies and gentlemen...

I gotta go fire my agent.

All right.

There's only one way we're gonna win this thing. On the count of three, take

our tops.

One, two... All right, girls.

Let's own this runway.