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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:04,620 Okay, let's go get your dad. And remember, no one say happy birthday 2 00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:05,620 gets down here, okay? 3 00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:11,080 I 4 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:18,180 wish 5 00:00:18,180 --> 00:00:19,380 I could be happy again. 6 00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:29,610 My wishes never come true. 7 00:00:31,210 --> 00:00:32,210 Almost there. 8 00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:34,350 Where am I going? 9 00:00:34,670 --> 00:00:38,030 Faith! Hope, I appreciate the effort, but the cheer -me -up breakfast really 10 00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,030 isn't working. 11 00:00:40,310 --> 00:00:42,550 You're eating Dad's birthday breakfast. 12 00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:44,370 Oh. 13 00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:48,050 I guess that does make me feel a little better. 14 00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:50,530 I'm sorry, honey. 15 00:00:50,790 --> 00:00:53,250 We'll make it up to you tonight. We'll have a big celebration. 16 00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:56,970 No, no, I don't want any big production. Just a nice... 17 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,620 Quiet birthday dinner with everyone I love. 18 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,720 Faith, we'll save you a piece of cake. 19 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,440 That's fine. 20 00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:06,460 The Goots doesn't want me anymore. 21 00:01:07,620 --> 00:01:09,520 Why should you guys be any different? 22 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,800 This is well on its way to being the best birthday ever. 23 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,520 I finally found a man to love, and I tricked him into doing a humiliating car 24 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,040 commercial just so I could have a convertible with self -heating bucket 25 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:25,540 I'm a monster. 26 00:01:28,110 --> 00:01:29,110 Butted monster. 27 00:01:30,450 --> 00:01:33,090 Now, Faith, why don't you just go over to his house and apologize? 28 00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:34,890 Just ask him for his forgiveness. 29 00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:36,630 This ain't Bible time. 30 00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:39,110 This is the 2000s. 31 00:01:39,530 --> 00:01:40,750 Revenge is the new forgiveness. 32 00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:45,950 I humiliated him, and now I have to find some way to humiliate myself. 33 00:02:03,530 --> 00:02:04,530 May I come in? 34 00:02:11,470 --> 00:02:12,470 Wow. 35 00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:13,650 Look at all that rope. 36 00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:16,050 I mean, I'm into it, but shouldn't we have a drink first? 37 00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:21,550 I'm going rock climbing at Devil's Point. 38 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:23,810 What do you want? 39 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:28,290 I brought a piece of... Just to prove how sorry I am for humiliating you, I 40 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:31,310 brought a basket of embarrassing moments from my own life. 41 00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:32,870 All you needed was a basket? 42 00:02:34,359 --> 00:02:36,400 A CD I recorded in Finland. 43 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,700 Just under 30 copies sold. 44 00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,660 The only movie I ever made. 45 00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:44,100 Weapons of Mass Seduction. 46 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:49,020 In which I have a semi -nude love scene with... Delta Burke. 47 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:59,820 And finally... And this one really hurts. 48 00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:04,500 A picture of me before my nose job. 49 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,640 Did you eat ants with that thing? 50 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:20,440 Look, I understand if you can't forgive me, but I just want you to know that 51 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,680 when I'm with you, I feel sick to my stomach. 52 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,080 I start to sweat. 53 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,460 I feel faint and I can't swallow. 54 00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:30,460 And I just don't want to lose that. 55 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:38,540 Well, to be honest, I don't feel so great when I'm with you either. 56 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,560 Really, Cooch? 57 00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:42,580 Really. 58 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,200 You make me very, very sick. 59 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:19,000 Looks like I'm going to need a bigger basket for my humiliating things. 60 00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:50,870 What's wrong, baby? 61 00:04:51,770 --> 00:04:54,450 Oh, you finally got a maid. 62 00:04:56,610 --> 00:05:01,670 Hang up my coat, poor cuckoo. No, no, this is my neighbor, Faith. 63 00:05:02,210 --> 00:05:08,270 Well, we're a little more than that. 64 00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:11,690 A minute ago, we were just discussing how sick we make each other. 65 00:05:12,830 --> 00:05:15,950 Well, you're certainly making me nauseous. 66 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:18,670 I'm Carmen. 67 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,120 The Gucci's fiancé. 68 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,020 Ex -ex -fiancé. 69 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:24,000 In fact, you never even said yes. 70 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,440 Well, I'm saying it now. 71 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:30,140 Look, I can't live without you. So if that means living here in wherever my 72 00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,920 just dropped me off, then so be it. 73 00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:33,140 You have a limo? 74 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:34,720 And a plane. 75 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:37,820 Well, I have a daytime Emmy. 76 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,460 And my own breasts. 77 00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:46,960 Really? Where do you keep them? 78 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,480 after six months and expect me to take you back. Why not? Because you just 79 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:03,480 can't! 80 00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:11,580 You were never supportive of my career. I mean, what's changed? 81 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:12,920 I have. 82 00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:16,500 Please, Gooch, just have dinner with me tonight. 83 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:19,920 Oh, tonight is out of the question. 84 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:26,320 Because tonight we have, uh, Charlie's surprise birthday party. 85 00:06:26,830 --> 00:06:29,890 That's the first I've heard of that. That's because you can't keep a secret. 86 00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:32,390 Except for the fact that you have an ex -fiance. 87 00:06:34,690 --> 00:06:38,850 Carmen, you're invited too, but I can't promise that anyone will stick a dollar 88 00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:39,850 bill down your pants. 89 00:06:42,390 --> 00:06:44,430 Well, we'll see about that. 90 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,310 You and me. 91 00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:54,470 I can't believe you're making me do this. Charlie hates surprises. 92 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:56,940 and he just wanted to spend his birthday with his family. 93 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,560 Well, I had to do something. 94 00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:01,280 I couldn't let the gooch be alone with Carmen tonight. 95 00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,160 I mean, look at her. 96 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,680 She's cheap, trampy, and slutty. 97 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:07,800 The girl's got it all. 98 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,960 Faith, if he wants to get back with his girlfriend, there's nothing you can do. 99 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:15,040 Nothing I can do, Hope? 100 00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,200 You see that package over there? 101 00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,600 That's my secret weapon. 102 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,680 Good, because Carmen brought her secret weapon, and they're about to burst out 103 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:24,680 of her dress. 104 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,080 You'll see. 105 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,440 The Gooch will fall in love with me tonight. 106 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,260 So, Gooch, you think you'll ever get back into baseball? 107 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,400 As a matter of fact, there's been some interest from a Japanese team. 108 00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:38,420 The Hiroshima Carp. 109 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,520 Wait a minute. I thought you'd given up baseball. 110 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,000 We thought wrong. 111 00:07:43,140 --> 00:07:44,440 Well, won't they know you're not Japanese? 112 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,380 Dad just pulled in. 113 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:53,840 He's still gonna hate this. 114 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,140 Okay, it's showtime. Everybody hide. 115 00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:58,420 Right there. 116 00:07:58,900 --> 00:07:59,940 Right here. 117 00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:02,700 Right there. That's right. Right in there. 118 00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,060 Surprise! 119 00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:11,700 Oh! Oh! 120 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,920 Oh! I knew it! I knew you were up to something. 121 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,680 Trying to fool me with a batch of lousy pancakes. 122 00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:24,030 I love surprises. 123 00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:25,690 Thank you, honey. 124 00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,090 Gooch, my man. 125 00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:32,789 Did you know about this? You rascal, you. 126 00:08:33,169 --> 00:08:34,169 Here, Charlie. 127 00:08:34,409 --> 00:08:35,990 Open my present first. 128 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:38,309 Okay. 129 00:08:39,950 --> 00:08:41,070 Okay, let me help you. 130 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:54,390 Is there someone in there? 131 00:08:57,490 --> 00:08:58,610 You guys. 132 00:09:01,430 --> 00:09:07,870 Oh, you must be the birthday boy. 133 00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:09,510 Surprise! 134 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:11,750 Oh. 135 00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,110 You have really outdone yourself. 136 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,840 She's hogging the mic, Hope. I want to sing Funky Gold Medina. 137 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,000 It's my turn to sing the birthday boy a song. 138 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,820 You think you could teach me that hip -grindy thing? 139 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,920 Sure, you just pretend like you're... Get out! 140 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,880 You're very talented. 141 00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:28,340 Goodbye! 142 00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:30,360 Thanks, everyone, for coming. 143 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,660 Hey, where's everybody going? 144 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,140 The night's still young. 145 00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:37,680 Come on, baby, let's go have an after -party. Oh, that's a great idea. 146 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,120 to the Gooch's house for an after -party party. 147 00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:43,900 Awesome! There's way more room to dance over there. 148 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,640 Hope, bring my Thriller Jack. 149 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:47,840 Oh, shit! 150 00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:31,449 I love you. 151 00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,370 I love... Home! 152 00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:34,850 Now! 153 00:11:38,110 --> 00:11:42,410 Well, looks like this party is officially over. 154 00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:49,970 Gooch! 155 00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:53,550 Hey, Gooch and I were rapping. 156 00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:03,000 So he went up the devil's point to try to figure out which one of you two he 157 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,500 wants to be with. Personally, I'm torn. 158 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:11,460 On the one hand, I'd hate to see Faith win. 159 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,360 On the other hand, I'd like to see her lose. 160 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:16,780 It's the same thing. 161 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,040 Oh, so then I'm not torn. Good luck, Carmen. 162 00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,490 a mountain, there won't be any cell phone reception. 163 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:54,930 Well, then we have to go tell him. Look, if the Gooch goes to Japan, then we 164 00:12:54,930 --> 00:12:55,930 both lose. 165 00:12:57,170 --> 00:12:58,650 So as far as I'm concerned, 166 00:12:59,370 --> 00:13:00,550 he never got the message. 167 00:13:01,590 --> 00:13:02,590 Agree? 168 00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:07,930 Oh, forget it, Carmen. 169 00:13:08,990 --> 00:13:10,510 I'm not going to do that to the Gooch. 170 00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,430 And if you really loved him, you wouldn't either. 171 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,480 You said this was a trail. 172 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,200 It is. 173 00:13:27,580 --> 00:13:31,380 People have been by here looking around you. There's blood everywhere. 174 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,580 I've got to say, Faith, I'm proud of you. 175 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:42,680 For once, you're not thinking about yourself or the fact that we're one 176 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,060 couple away from certain death. 177 00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:50,080 Relax. I spoke to a psychic once who told me I was going to live to be 95. 178 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:51,960 Did you ask about me? 179 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,440 Yeah. 180 00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:55,050 Watch your step. 181 00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:58,130 It's okay, it's okay. 182 00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:10,310 Here he is. 183 00:14:10,990 --> 00:14:12,010 This is kind of romantic. 184 00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:52,860 found you. You received a call from the manager of the Japanese team. He's in 185 00:14:52,860 --> 00:14:54,740 town for another hour and wants to meet with you. 186 00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:58,360 And you flew all the way up here to tell me that? 187 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,180 Wow. You have changed. 188 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:02,520 I have. 189 00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:03,600 I really have. 190 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,460 No, she hasn't. 191 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,600 She's only telling him because you were going to tell him. Now get up there and 192 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,600 tell him. No. 193 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,300 She already told him. 194 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,060 Besides, he'll just think I'm being petty and foolish. 195 00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:17,380 You've always been petty and foolish. 196 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,580 That's sweet, but it's too late. I lost. Now, I just want to get down from this 197 00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:26,960 mountain. No, I am not letting you give up. Well, I'm... 198 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,400 What are you guys doing here? 199 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,760 Oh, hiking. 200 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:06,260 Hope and I are way into extreme sports. 201 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:07,900 Aren't we, Hope? 202 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:12,600 Yeah. If I don't get my adrenaline rush, I get real irritable. 203 00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:16,800 Okay, Faith, I'm coming down. There's no time. 204 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,039 She's right. 205 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,580 You have to go now, or you'll miss your meeting with Mr. Yamagoto. 206 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,280 How do you know about that? 207 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,980 She climbed up this mountain to tell you, which is a lot harder than flying, 208 00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:27,980 the way. 209 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,240 Go. 210 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,460 Worst comes to worst, hope cuts off my legs and carries me down. 211 00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:37,180 See, they'll be fine. Let's go. 212 00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,960 I just can't leave her here. It's going to be dark soon. 213 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,400 So let me get this straight. 214 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:46,440 All these years, I've been trying to get you to pick me over baseball, and now 215 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:50,180 you're willing to just give it all up for some have -been -wedged -in -a 216 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,440 Hey! 217 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:57,480 For your information, the crack is wedged in the head. 218 00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:08,049 Pick me up. 219 00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:09,050 It's over. 220 00:17:09,130 --> 00:17:10,130 For good. 221 00:17:10,849 --> 00:17:14,810 And by the way, I think it's pretty pathetic you have to go to Japan to play 222 00:17:14,810 --> 00:17:15,810 baseball. 223 00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:32,190 Well, there goes our ride. 224 00:17:33,030 --> 00:17:35,190 Don't worry. I didn't feel like climbing, so I drove up. 225 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:39,180 Throw up. 226 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,000 Oh. 227 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,100 So that's where Devil's Point Road leads. 228 00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:54,020 Hey. 229 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,980 Might want to find some other spot for your hideaway key. 230 00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:03,940 How you feeling? 231 00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:06,380 I'm a little sore. 232 00:18:07,130 --> 00:18:10,430 But the good news is I won't have to wax my legs until my skin grows back. 233 00:18:11,770 --> 00:18:14,550 Thanks for saving me. 234 00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:16,670 You're my hero. 235 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:19,770 Yeah. I didn't want to go play baseball in Japan anyway. 236 00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:24,890 I mean, the one time I was there, everyone thought I was Eric Estrada. 237 00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:27,910 Oh. 238 00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:32,770 Um, well, then I guess I could always just return this then. 239 00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,250 What's that? 240 00:18:35,090 --> 00:18:36,170 It's a ticket to Japan. 241 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:41,310 It gets into Tokyo at 2 p .m., day after tomorrow, one hour before your meeting 242 00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:42,310 with Mr. Yamagoto. 243 00:18:45,030 --> 00:18:50,290 Faith, this is... This is the most generous thing anyone's ever done for 244 00:18:50,950 --> 00:18:51,950 Oh. 245 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:53,890 It wasn't that generous. 246 00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:57,330 I mean, I used your credit card. 247 00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:02,190 Like I said, you should really find another spot for your hideaway key. 248 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,850 And your wallet. 249 00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:06,030 But look, I... 250 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,600 Put a couple of pictures of me inside. 251 00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:16,980 But if I end up playing in Japan, what's that mean for us? 252 00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:18,660 You know what they say. 253 00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:23,160 If you love someone, let them go play baseball in Japan. 254 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,900 If they come back, greet them at the airport in nothing but high heels and a 255 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:29,900 trench coat. 256 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:32,720 That's hot. 257 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:39,670 I guess your timing stinks, huh? 258 00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:41,710 Oh. 259 00:19:42,990 --> 00:19:47,710 What kind of us would there be if I asked you to pick me over your dream? 260 00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:13,580 I think I just got gooch bumps. 18249