All language subtitles for hope.and.faith.s02e14.hdtv-lol

This car is such a lemon.

I could walk there faster than this.

Come on! I haven't got all day!

Oh, I beg you. There's a great cliff
right around the corner.

Oh, Panthom Howell's here. God, I love
his

commercials. The man is a genius.

I don't see him.

He's near.

I can smell his cologne.

It smells like... Dollar bills, baby!

Hi,

handsome Hal. Well, if it isn't Faith
Fairfield and her beautiful sister. Hi.

I loved your last commercial. Where did
you ever find a cowboy hat that big?

Great to see you again, H .H.

No offense, but I'm a germaphobe, and
you look like a carrier.

I completely understand.

Now, what can I do for you two lovely
ladies today?

Look, handsome Hal, I did a commercial
for you a while back, and not only did

you mock me in it, but you also gave me
this clunker.

Now, I demand you trade it in for a
brand new car. Trade it in? Is that what

want? Come on over here.

Look up there.

Do you see the sign that says trade
-ins?

No.

Exactly. There are no trade -ins. You
gotta pay to play on this lot, baby.

Yeah, no cash, no flesh.

Another great catchphrase. The guy just
can't turn it off.

Hey, Dad.

Junior? Junior at work? I'm the boss,
not your big daddy. You got that?

Sorry, handsome Hal.

Look, the Fisher's have five kids.

And this is what they can pay for the
minivan.

Did I tell them to have five kids?

No! You get back there and close the
deal before she pops out another one.

Now let's see, where was I?

Oh, yes.

No trade -ins!

Not even on your rug?

Because that rat on your head looks like
it's about to wake up.

Would you at least be willing to
negotiate?

Well, if you have a price in mind, I'd
be more than willing to consider your

figure. Oh, you should look under her
hood.

I have no idea why I just said that.

I was thinking more along the lines of
Faith doing another commercial for you.

Are you kidding?

Her act is tired. I'd get a bigger spike
out of my prostate x -rays.

You know what, handsome Hal?

I don't have to take this abuse. There
are a lot of other ways for me to get

around than to stand here and beg you
for a car.

Charlie, help!

Put me home!

How far is that cliff?

I've been thinking, maybe I could have a
nickname too.

What do you think of... The Chooch?

Today it's a little close to my name.
Yeah, thought of that, thought of that.

So, I also came up with... The Schnauss
Cooch.

Thank God I'm home.

I just witnessed firsthand the painful
reality of human suffering.

At the hospital?

No, on the bus.

I just spent 47 minutes in between a
barefoot hobo and a boy made of snot.

You know, when I grew up, my mother took
the bus every day to work, and she

never complained once.

Isn't there a skank somewhere that needs
groping?

As a matter of fact, there is. Can I
join you for a jacuzzi?

I thought I wasn't your type.

You're not, but every now and then I
like to perform a selfless act for a

You cocky, pathetic husband.

You're picturing me naked right now,
aren't you?

Hey!

What is going on here?

Faith aggravated the gooch.

Don't listen to him, Hope. He's blinded
by his man crush.

I do not have a man crush.

You know, I should go. I was head for
the batting cages anyway.

Hey, hey, Gooch, wait up. For the
Chanel's Gooch.

The Chanel's Gooch?

I had to call him that last night when
we were...

Actually, I... That I was old news.

Well, I... So I guess you realize that
Faith Fairfield really is a star.

My God, do you ever stop talking.

Sorry. Let the begging begin.

Look, Blondie, I didn't know you lived
here. The Gooch isn't home. I wanted to

leave this here for him.

What do you want with the Gooch? Well, I
was hoping he'd come to my nunya party.

What's a nunya party?

Nunya business.

not expect him to do a commercial for
you. Especially not after I tell him how

your trademark is mocking celebrities.

You wouldn't dare.

Oh, no?

Fine. Deal time!

What do you want?

That cute little red sports car I saw on
the lot yesterday.

No! But you gotta promise me you're
gonna bring the gooch down to my lot

tomorrow and convince him to do my
commercial.

Done. And I get the cookie.

And not only am I handsome...

I'm delicious.

Look, I'm kind of busy right now.

Oh.

Okay.

Okay, then. See you later.

You're right.

I should probably talk about it.

I got mugged on the bus.

Sorry to hear that. See, I knew I could
count on you.

Now, are you sure you want to do this?

Do what?

What you said.

What did I say? That we were going to go
down to Handsome Hal's auto lot and

demand... He exchanged my car for a new
car so I never have to ride the bus

again. I didn't say that. I know. You
didn't have to say that because you're

a man of words. You're a man of action.

Look. All right.

If I do this, you have to promise to
stop blasting the national anthem over

over again when I have a date in the
jacuzzi. Hey.

I happen to love this country.

Fine. Take a road trip. See it all.

By bus. Okay, all right.

Jumping Jackie Chan.

Well, if it isn't Gary the Gooch
Gutierrez, the best switch hitting

the game.

Handsome Hal Halverson.

Welcome to my lab. Thank you.

Faith here tells me you sold her a
lemon, then refused to exchange it. Hey,

Gooch, you know what they say. When life
hands you lemons, get a good lawyer.

Because I'm not taking it back.

Well, we tried.

Sorry, Faith. Get a bike.

You're not going to take that from this
two -bit used car salesman, are you?

Hey, if there's anything used around
here, doll, it's you.

Hey, watch your mouth.

You're right, Gooch. Totally out of
line.

Maybe there's something we could work
out here. You know what I'm saying?

Man to man, motto a motto, Gooch to
handsome.

Surely two guys with great nicknames can
make a deal.

Don't listen to him, Gooch. You're no
match for him. He can't be trusted.

What do you have in mind?

Let me think.

Let me think.

Bingo! Yes!

Yes!

I just so happen to be shooting a
commercial here today.

And if you were to do a little cameo for
me, I'd give Faith a new car.

Yeah, I don't think so. I'm very
selective with my image. You can't

damage a single condom commercial can
do.

Nothing's getting through my glove.

That was a mistake.

Well, fair enough.

Sorry, ladies. I guess he's just not
interested.

Aww.

Who are they?

Oh, that's Brandy, Candy, and Sandy.

They were going to be your co -stars.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Whoa! I think Brandy just kissed Candy.

On the other hand...

I am being incredibly selfish.

You do need a new car.

about tricking the Gooch into doing a
commercial with handsome Hal.

Hey, everybody got what they wanted.

I got a new car, Hal got a new
commercial, and the Gooch got three new

to catch the class.

But when handsome Hal humiliates him in
his commercial, he's going to know you

set him up, and he's never going to
speak to you again.

Yeah, all that and a new car. This is
like the best day ever.

Nice ride.

Oh, hey, Gooch.

Thanks again for helping me get this
car.

No problem.

How about a beer?

Oh, no thanks.

No, I meant how about getting me another
beer from the ice chest down there?

Here.

Come on.

Why don't you sunset with me?

Brandy, Sandy, and Candy weren't
available?

You really think you got my number,
don't you?

So what time are they coming over?

Nine.

Ten.

And eleven. I staggered them.

Doesn't it ever get old?

Yeah, you would think.

You're never going to settle down?

If I found the right girl.

She'd have to be a saint.

An 18 -year -old giant -breasted saint.

Do they have him?

If they did, I'd be Pope.

Well, I should probably go. People see a
girl on a guy's roof, they start to

talk.

Hey, I might be getting offered to play
baseball again.

Wow, Gooch, that's great.

Yeah.

You know, I really lost my confidence
when I let that ball roll through my

during the World Series.

Yeah.

It's the worst moment of my life.

Oh, well, I don't think anyone
remembers.

Really?

Do you know what they call that error
now?

A goocher.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,
you know what they call it when a soap

star gets fired and then burns down the
studio?

So, what team did you get the offer
from?

The Hiroshima Carp.

The Hiroshima Carp?

Holy mackerel.

I'd be playing Japan, but I'd be playing
again.

Right? Wow, Japan.

It's really far away from here.

Yeah, I mean...

It's not where I imagined my career
ending up, but... Look, I love playing

baseball more than anything.

But do you ever feel like just giving up
on your dream?

All the time.

But you can't.

Ever. I mean, if you're really
passionate about something or someone,

you just gotta go for it.

Yeah. What are you passionate about,
besides acting?

Oh, I've always been fascinated with the
Orient.

Suddenly.

Just for the record, I was kidding about
Sandy, Brandy, and Candy. I didn't do

that commercial for them.

I did it for you.

Oh, gosh.

What about it? Nothing.

I gotta go.

Okay.

Are you coming back?

Faith?

Faith?

Hey, before you go, can you fill me up
another beer?

Still got it.

if the Gooch looks like a fool in the
commercial.

People change.

Do you see me bringing up the time you
called Boy George the sexiest man alive?

I was 15, and there was something about
him.

Was it his gayness?

Look, Hal has the hots for you, so we're
going to need to use your... Look, if I

can't get through this with a straight
face, please forgive me.

Your sex appeal.

He has always fancied me.

He's a used car salesman. I wouldn't let
it go to your head.

Cut that clip. Loop that line.

A few more frames and the gooch is mine.

Hey there, handsome.

Hal.

What are you two doing here?

What do you want us to be doing here?

Take off your top.

I was just wondering if, in all your
handsomeness, you'd consider not airing

Gooch commercial.

Are you kidding?

I just finished cutting it, and it's
fantastic.

Better than that, it's Hal -tastic.

Hey, Dad.

I mean, Handsome Hal. I brought you
these quarterly reports. Don't you see

with people?

Now you sit on this stool over here and
wait for me to speak to you.

Look, handsome pal, you can't air that
Gooch commercial.

I'll give you the card back, but you
just can't air it. I thought we were a

team, Twinkle.

What changed your mind?

The Gooch.

I think I love him.

Well, call the concierge because you
need a wake -up call. The commercial is

going on the air whether you like it or
not.

You mean this commercial?

You're not getting out of here with
those tapes. Fine!

Stop it!

What are you doing, you idiot? Don't do
this, Dad.

She loves him.

But you don't know anything about love.
Of course I do.

Then why haven't you ever said, you love
me?

God,

here come the waterworks. Say it!

Say it! All right, all right, I love
you.

I love you too, Daddy.

I love you because you're my only
daughter.

Talk about a dysfunctional relationship.

I know.

Could you imagine having to work with
those two?

Go, go, go!

Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about. Hey, now.

Hey, Gooch.

Can we talk?

We're kind of busy.

Sure, come on up here.

What? I thought we said no girls on the
roof.

Hey, Charlie, can you give us a minute?

Oh, no.

Not faith.

Say it ain't so, Gooch.

Sorry, Shanaska Gooch.

Schnauzkuch. But Schnauzkuch is cool,
too.

In fact, I like it even better.

So what happened to you yesterday?

I had to tie up a couple of loose ends.

But what do you say we pick up where we
left off?

Yeah, what was that?

I think we were all right about here.

Handsome House!

Unlike the Gooch here at Handsome House,
we never let a deal roll through our

legs. Isn't that right, Gooch? Don't ask
me. I'm just a dumb jock.

That weasel must have had backup tapes.

You knew about this?

Um, did I not mention that he
occasionally mocks celebrities?

We won't tell you down the river, will
we, Gooch?

I mean, there's always an animal.

In my commercial, I was a donkey.

Oh, that makes sense.

Because you're an ass.

Oh, come on, Gooch. Hey, where's your
sense of humor?

Hey, come on, don't be like that.