Original subtitles

The creature, known only as the Hulk, rampaged through Las Vegas last night

during a battle with a similar monster authorities are referring to as the

Abomination. Police and military combined were unable to stop the two

behemoths from trashing several casinos.

With damages running into the millions, it's amazing no one was killed.

Neither of the creature's whereabouts is known.

dump, Fury.

The Fantastic Four get the Baxter building, and we get an old abandoned

warehouse down by the wharf.

I don't expect anyone who walks around in a blue helmet to understand what

doing here.

It's called being low -key.

My name is Nick Fury.

I'm the director of S .H .I .E .L .D. and your host for today.

Gotta say, the host, Fury?

I really like your sausage -to -biscuit ratio.

Now the mouth here is Hawkeye. Going around the table, we have the Scarlet

Witch, Miss Marvel, as well as Spider -Woman, both of whom work for me. I

don't understand what we're doing here.

S .H .I .E .L .D. wants a team of superheroes in the public eye.

Job one, the Hulk.

Well, well, well, what a classy joint you got here, Fury. What happened?

Congress, uh, cut your budget?

You all know Iron Man.

He's the one that's late.

Well, you see, boys and girls, it's because I was out actually saving lives.

Maybe you should try it sometime.

The world doesn't come to a stop just because the Hulk comes around and scares

few people.

Abomination was a threat.

The Hulk stopped it.

Are you telling me that you think that the living laser and the constrictor are

more of a threat than the Hulk?

Oh, Carol, look at you.

Not quite sure what the Skrulls did to you, hon, but it looks to me like you

a fetish for green guys.

You have no idea what you're talking about. You're a fucking fool running

in an expensive suit, one publicity stunt after another. Fuck you.

I've silenced all sound waves but mine at the moment.

I'd like to say two things.

First, you guys are acting like children.

Second, I don't work for the government.

Wanda, wait!

Jarvis, let's go autopilot to Death Valley.

I'm gonna take a nap.

Natasha. I heard you're on a special mission for Fury.

I was.

I'm back.

I also heard about you and Stark.

You heard wrong. That was insistent.

Strictly professional now, huh?

You know who I am and what I'm about.

I hear they want you to open a West Coast branch.

Seems like you hear everything.

Come to say goodbye?

No.

To say hello.

Please.

Ah.

Oh, no.

um um

You need to come with me.

I've had satellites tracking you for two days now.

Can't go home empty -handed.

Okay. Hard way it is.

Azalea?

Call S .H .I .E .L .D.

Well, the Avengers are off to an auspicious beginning.

Worse than that.

Iron Man just got his ass handed to him by Hulk.

Really?

150 miles with one punch.

Good. That's good.

Set up another meeting.

Make sure Stark comes.

You're really excited about this, aren't you?

I am.

We should do something about that.

Slowly slowly piss don't you fucking bite my dick Sharon

Let me see your tongue, let me see your tongue for a second.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Oh, you fucking... Oh,

yes. Take a look at my dick. Grab that.

Yeah.

Squeeze it. Make up almost my face, huh? It's like it's your dick next to her

and it's your face.

Yeah.

Oh, no teeth on that thing. No teeth. Just your tongue, dude.

Just your tongue, yeah.

Oh,

you

fucking rat. Ooh.

Ooh. Yeah.

DICK

If I want to put you inside my pussy, huh?

You know I'm a strong woman.

Yes. Oh

yeah.

Yeah,

you would be in charge. Go ahead and fuck me then.

Go ahead.

Fuck my ass. Oh, that feels so good. Yeah. It's so hot in there.

I don't know what.

Is it wrong that my fucking asshole gets wet whenever you stick your big cock

inside it?

It's even hotter than a fucking pussy, isn't it? Yeah, that's it.

And it just sucks just fucking tasting your hands hanging in that goddamn

asshole under it.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck me.

I'm a hard fucking dick inside my asshole.

Yes. Yes.

I could do a little fucking horror with.

Go ahead and grab it.

I've been sweating my fucking ass.

Yeah? Oh, God, I get this fucking beautiful, beautiful booty.

Oh, I get to put my dick in your fucking ass.

Whenever I fucking want to.

Oh, shut up.

You know I'm not good at taking your fucking orders. Yes.

I'm going to slit your goddamn dick. Oh, fuck.

What? I want to work for you.

I see you're excited.

That's pretty amazing.

Compared to my abilities, mine are mostly impossible.

I'm like a freight train. I'm mapping.

But your magic is subtle.

It's not magic.

Really,

I thought everyone does.

My mutant power alters probability.

If I concentrate hard enough...

I can almost make anything happen.

Well, read my mind then.

Almost anything.

That's a shame. You would really like what I was thinking.

Why don't you tell me?

I was thinking that you were dangerous and beautiful.

um um

um

I love you.

um um

oh

Thank you.

Um. Um.

um um

I love you.

I try not to concern myself with the affairs of mortals.

Save those which stem from my brother Loki, of course.

I understand.

My cousin is a terrifying enemy.

Green is a scary color.

Odin's beard, you women of Midgard, are so insolent.

I was the one who lifted the Midgard serpent.

I defeated Surtur in hand -to -hand combat.

I even walked in Hela's realm.

And you think I'd quail at the Hulk?

Any Hulk?

I guess we're about to find out.

Amen.

Ah.

mm -hmm

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Good.

Real hard.

Real hard.

Yes.

Come on Thor, come on.

Oh. Oh.

Nobody invited you, wall crawler.

No, but they invited the William Tell wannabe.

Hey, kid, knock it off. You're out of line.

to the squad.

So, this isn't about Thor, is it?

Because seriously, it is. I'm likely to hurl in my mask.

No, it isn't.

But listen, this team, the Avengers, it's for the public so people feel safe.

I see people every day.

True, but you have an image problem.

I have an image problem? I have an image problem.

Really?

Yeah, you kind of got a point there, actually.

Don't worry about it, though.

You're a lot more interesting than Thor.

Oh my god!

Bye.

Oh.

It's good.

I like that color.

um um

Guess I'm not going after the Hulk.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm not going either.

I'm going to go with you.

Wait, where are we going?

The Arctic Circle, huh?

Halfway around the world with this clown?

Yip -dee -fucking -doo.

You know, telling you to shut up, Barton, is becoming old.

So, what exactly is in the Arctic Circle? Other than the...

Is that what I think it is?

Thank you.