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What's up to all my good, bad, and fugly
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What's up to all my good, bad, and fugly
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What's up to all my good, bad, and fugly
bunnies? I'm Desi Light
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bunnies? I'm Desi Light
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bunnies? I'm Desi Light
>> and I'm Jordan Clapper. This is Sports
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>> and I'm Jordan Clapper. This is Sports
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>> and I'm Jordan Clapper. This is Sports
War, the show where we are legally not
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War, the show where we are legally not
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War, the show where we are legally not
allowed to agree with each other.
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allowed to agree with each other.
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allowed to agree with each other.
>> So if I say the opening ceremony in
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>> So if I say the opening ceremony in
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>> So if I say the opening ceremony in
Milan was a beautiful celebration of
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Milan was a beautiful celebration of
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Milan was a beautiful celebration of
Italian culture,
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Italian culture,
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Italian culture,
>> then I say it was complete insult to
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>> then I say it was complete insult to
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>> then I say it was complete insult to
Italy. No sopranos theme song, zero
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Italy. No sopranos theme song, zero
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Italy. No sopranos theme song, zero
people dressed as lasagna.
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people dressed as lasagna.
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people dressed as lasagna.
I mean, they might as well have pissed
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I mean, they might as well have pissed
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I mean, they might as well have pissed
on the grave of Chef Boy Rardee.
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on the grave of Chef Boy Rardee.
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on the grave of Chef Boy Rardee.
Can it you talking strand of spaghetti?
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Can it you talking strand of spaghetti?
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Can it you talking strand of spaghetti?
Let's kick things off with the Super
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Let's kick things off with the Super
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Let's kick things off with the Super
Bowl. It's supposed to be the Super Bowl
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Bowl. It's supposed to be the Super Bowl
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Bowl. It's supposed to be the Super Bowl
of sporting events, but this year it was
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of sporting events, but this year it was
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of sporting events, but this year it was
all about the halftime show.
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all about the halftime show.
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all about the halftime show.
>> Nobody brought the house down like Bad
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>> Nobody brought the house down like Bad
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>> Nobody brought the house down like Bad
Bunny. The Global Superstar Showcase in
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Bunny. The Global Superstar Showcase in
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Bunny. The Global Superstar Showcase in
Ode to Puerto Rico.
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Ode to Puerto Rico.
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Ode to Puerto Rico.
>> The Singer Show was the most watched
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>> The Singer Show was the most watched
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>> The Singer Show was the most watched
halftime performance of all time.
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halftime performance of all time.
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halftime performance of all time.
>> Making history as the first Spanish
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>> Making history as the first Spanish
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>> Making history as the first Spanish
language halftime show performer.
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Caliente.
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Caliente.
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Caliente.
Bad buddy was hot. I mean, watching him
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Bad buddy was hot. I mean, watching him
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Bad buddy was hot. I mean, watching him
swivel those hips, I haven't been this
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swivel those hips, I haven't been this
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swivel those hips, I haven't been this
confused since college.
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confused since college.
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confused since college.
And that intro to philosophy class made
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And that intro to philosophy class made
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And that intro to philosophy class made
no sense. Also, I had several gay
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no sense. Also, I had several gay
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no sense. Also, I had several gay
experiences.
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experiences.
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experiences.
>> Jordan, you topshelf dingus. It was too
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>> Jordan, you topshelf dingus. It was too
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>> Jordan, you topshelf dingus. It was too
hot. See, that's the problem. These
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hot. See, that's the problem. These
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hot. See, that's the problem. These
halftime shows have become so elaborate
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halftime shows have become so elaborate
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halftime shows have become so elaborate
that they're starting to overshadow the
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that they're starting to overshadow the
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that they're starting to overshadow the
actual game. We need to go back to
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actual game. We need to go back to
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actual game. We need to go back to
simpler times like 1908 when they just
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simpler times like 1908 when they just
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simpler times like 1908 when they just
bring a donkey out at halftime and
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bring a donkey out at halftime and
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bring a donkey out at halftime and
everyone would be like, "Oh a
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everyone would be like, "Oh a
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everyone would be like, "Oh a
donkey."
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donkey."
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donkey."
As someone who has a time share in
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As someone who has a time share in
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As someone who has a time share in
Tijana, trust me, there's nothing hotter
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Tijana, trust me, there's nothing hotter
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Tijana, trust me, there's nothing hotter
than a donkey show.
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than a donkey show.
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than a donkey show.
As they say in TJ, he senior Jordan.
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As they say in TJ, he senior Jordan.
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As they say in TJ, he senior Jordan.
>> Which brings us to our Latin lover, Beta
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>> Which brings us to our Latin lover, Beta
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>> Which brings us to our Latin lover, Beta
of the Notch. Will anyone tune in to
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of the Notch. Will anyone tune in to
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of the Notch. Will anyone tune in to
watch Jordan and his donkey at next
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watch Jordan and his donkey at next
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watch Jordan and his donkey at next
year's alternative halftime show?
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>> Brought to you by gambling. Gambling.
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>> Brought to you by gambling. Gambling.
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>> Brought to you by gambling. Gambling.
No.
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No.
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No.
Moving on to the other major sporting
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Moving on to the other major sporting
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Moving on to the other major sporting
event of the weekend, the Winter
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event of the weekend, the Winter
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event of the weekend, the Winter
Olympics, where apparently skiing
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Olympics, where apparently skiing
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Olympics, where apparently skiing
doesn't mean doing cocaine. Once again,
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doesn't mean doing cocaine. Once again,
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doesn't mean doing cocaine. Once again,
my apologies for following the Norwegian
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my apologies for following the Norwegian
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my apologies for following the Norwegian
men's freestyle team into the bathroom.
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men's freestyle team into the bathroom.
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men's freestyle team into the bathroom.
Anyway,
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Anyway,
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Anyway,
this year in Milan, Olympic athletes are
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this year in Milan, Olympic athletes are
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this year in Milan, Olympic athletes are
leaving their mark like never before.
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leaving their mark like never before.
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leaving their mark like never before.
>> This morning, the political firestorm
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>> This morning, the political firestorm
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>> This morning, the political firestorm
igniting under the Olympic flame.
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igniting under the Olympic flame.
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igniting under the Olympic flame.
>> Olympic skier, British American Gus
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>> Olympic skier, British American Gus
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>> Olympic skier, British American Gus
Kenworthy writing, "F ice in urine in
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Kenworthy writing, "F ice in urine in
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Kenworthy writing, "F ice in urine in
the snow and posting it to Instagram."
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WEE!
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This guy was able to start and stop his
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This guy was able to start and stop his
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This guy was able to start and stop his
stream between letters, man. Oh, that is
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stream between letters, man. Oh, that is
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stream between letters, man. Oh, that is
some gold medal pissing.
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some gold medal pissing.
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some gold medal pissing.
In fact, peeing in the snow should be an
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In fact, peeing in the snow should be an
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In fact, peeing in the snow should be an
Olympic event. And I would dominate. I
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Olympic event. And I would dominate. I
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Olympic event. And I would dominate. I
mean, look what I did in the backyard
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mean, look what I did in the backyard
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mean, look what I did in the backyard
this morning.
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Jesus, how much urine is that? No wonder
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Jesus, how much urine is that? No wonder
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Jesus, how much urine is that? No wonder
your wife sleeps in a wet suit.
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your wife sleeps in a wet suit.
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your wife sleeps in a wet suit.
Ping and snow should be outlawed, not
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Ping and snow should be outlawed, not
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Ping and snow should be outlawed, not
just at the Olympics, but everywhere. I
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just at the Olympics, but everywhere. I
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just at the Olympics, but everywhere. I
mean, what happens when someone eats
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mean, what happens when someone eats
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mean, what happens when someone eats
that yellow snow because she thinks it
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that yellow snow because she thinks it
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that yellow snow because she thinks it
looks delicious, even though everyone
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looks delicious, even though everyone
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looks delicious, even though everyone
keeps telling her, "Don't eat yellow
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keeps telling her, "Don't eat yellow
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keeps telling her, "Don't eat yellow
snow. It doesn't taste like Gatorade."
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snow. It doesn't taste like Gatorade."
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snow. It doesn't taste like Gatorade."
And sure, sure, she even wrote it on her
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And sure, sure, she even wrote it on her
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And sure, sure, she even wrote it on her
hand as a reminder, but she's wearing
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hand as a reminder, but she's wearing
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hand as a reminder, but she's wearing
gloves because it's so cold outside. So,
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gloves because it's so cold outside. So,
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gloves because it's so cold outside. So,
she ate the snow anyway because she's
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she ate the snow anyway because she's
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she ate the snow anyway because she's
sick and tired of everyone telling her
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sick and tired of everyone telling her
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sick and tired of everyone telling her
WHAT TO DO. And you know what?
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WHAT TO DO. And you know what?
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WHAT TO DO. And you know what?
It didn't taste like Gatorade. It tasted
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It didn't taste like Gatorade. It tasted
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It didn't taste like Gatorade. It tasted
like urine. But she had to come to that
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like urine. But she had to come to that
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like urine. But she had to come to that
conclusion all on her own.
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>> What about those people, Jordan?
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>> Which brings me to my PP pants parlay
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>> Which brings me to my PP pants parlay
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>> Which brings me to my PP pants parlay
bet of the night. Which country will
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bet of the night. Which country will
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bet of the night. Which country will
take home the gold in Olympic snow peen?
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take home the gold in Olympic snow peen?
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take home the gold in Olympic snow peen?
Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. If
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Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. If
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Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. If
it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's
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it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's
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it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's
brown, double down.
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brown, double down.
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brown, double down.
>> Moving on from something delicious and
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>> Moving on from something delicious and
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>> Moving on from something delicious and
yellow on snow to something delicious
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yellow on snow to something delicious
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yellow on snow to something delicious
and yellow on ice.
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and yellow on ice.
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and yellow on ice.
>> We turn back to Milan where one Olympic
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>> We turn back to Milan where one Olympic
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>> We turn back to Milan where one Olympic
figure skater isn't just dreaming of
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figure skater isn't just dreaming of
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figure skater isn't just dreaming of
gold, but minion yellow, too. Tomas
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gold, but minion yellow, too. Tomas
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gold, but minion yellow, too. Tomas
Guino Sabate, his signature short
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Guino Sabate, his signature short
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Guino Sabate, his signature short
program featuring songs from the wildly
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program featuring songs from the wildly
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program featuring songs from the wildly
popular Despicable Me movies.
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popular Despicable Me movies.
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popular Despicable Me movies.
>> Minions over Mozart. It's nice to mix it
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>> Minions over Mozart. It's nice to mix it
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>> Minions over Mozart. It's nice to mix it
up in figure skating.
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I I I I I KNOW. CALIENTE.
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I I I I I KNOW. CALIENTE.
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I I I I I KNOW. CALIENTE.
This is despicable for me and the entire
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This is despicable for me and the entire
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This is despicable for me and the entire
sport of figure skating. I mean, where's
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sport of figure skating. I mean, where's
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sport of figure skating. I mean, where's
Tanya Harding with a pipe when you need
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Tanya Harding with a pipe when you need
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Tanya Harding with a pipe when you need
her?
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her?
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her?
>> Jordan, the scores are in. You're a
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>> Jordan, the scores are in. You're a
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>> Jordan, the scores are in. You're a
This performance was what the
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This performance was what the
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This performance was what the
Olympics are all about. There's
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Olympics are all about. There's
235
00:04:55,199 --> 00:04:57,189
Olympics are all about. There's
something for everyone. Skating,
236
00:04:57,189 --> 00:04:57,199
something for everyone. Skating,
237
00:04:57,199 --> 00:04:59,990
something for everyone. Skating,
copyright law, adults wearing overalls.
238
00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:00,000
copyright law, adults wearing overalls.
239
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,070
copyright law, adults wearing overalls.
Anyone can nail a double axle in a
240
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:02,080
Anyone can nail a double axle in a
241
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,070
Anyone can nail a double axle in a
skintight uniard, but it takes real
242
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:04,080
skintight uniard, but it takes real
243
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:05,830
skintight uniard, but it takes real
skill to do it in a spirit Halloween
244
00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:05,840
skill to do it in a spirit Halloween
245
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,590
skill to do it in a spirit Halloween
costume.
246
00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:07,600
costume.
247
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,150
costume.
His parents should be so proud, assuming
248
00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:10,160
His parents should be so proud, assuming
249
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,909
His parents should be so proud, assuming
they still speak to him.
250
00:05:11,909 --> 00:05:11,919
they still speak to him.
251
00:05:11,919 --> 00:05:13,670
they still speak to him.
>> Are you kidding me, Desi? The only thing
252
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:13,680
>> Are you kidding me, Desi? The only thing
253
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,670
>> Are you kidding me, Desi? The only thing
more certain than this guy not getting
254
00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:15,680
more certain than this guy not getting
255
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,830
more certain than this guy not getting
an Olympic medal is him not getting
256
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:17,840
an Olympic medal is him not getting
257
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,950
an Olympic medal is him not getting
chlamydia in the Olympic village.
258
00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:20,960
chlamydia in the Olympic village.
259
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:25,110
chlamydia in the Olympic village.
I mean, you have to ask to get the TD.
260
00:05:25,110 --> 00:05:25,120
I mean, you have to ask to get the TD.
261
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,430
I mean, you have to ask to get the TD.
>> Which brings us to our millionaire maker
262
00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:27,440
>> Which brings us to our millionaire maker
263
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,590
>> Which brings us to our millionaire maker
bet of the night. What movie character
264
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:29,600
bet of the night. What movie character
265
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,469
bet of the night. What movie character
will Tamas skate as next? Brought to you
266
00:05:32,469 --> 00:05:32,479
will Tamas skate as next? Brought to you
267
00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:35,749
will Tamas skate as next? Brought to you
by gambling. Gambling. See cocoa toat.
268
00:05:35,749 --> 00:05:35,759
by gambling. Gambling. See cocoa toat.
269
00:05:35,759 --> 00:05:38,390
by gambling. Gambling. See cocoa toat.
Banana. Banana.
270
00:05:38,390 --> 00:05:38,400
Banana. Banana.
271
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:39,909
Banana. Banana.
>> Well, that's all the time we have for
272
00:05:39,909 --> 00:05:39,919
>> Well, that's all the time we have for
273
00:05:39,919 --> 00:05:41,590
>> Well, that's all the time we have for
sports war. Join us next week when we
274
00:05:41,590 --> 00:05:41,600
sports war. Join us next week when we
275
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,110
sports war. Join us next week when we
debate if the Winter Olympics should be
276
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:43,120
debate if the Winter Olympics should be
277
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,350
debate if the Winter Olympics should be
in the summer and feature running and
278
00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:45,360
in the summer and feature running and
279
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,990
in the summer and feature running and
swimming.
280
00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:48,000
swimming.
281
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,670
swimming.
>> I think I think it's a good idea. I
282
00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:49,680
>> I think I think it's a good idea. I
283
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,400
>> I think I think it's a good idea. I
think it is a great idea.
24591
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