Original subtitles

Girl, don't date after her. She got the clap.

And ten-dollar blow jobs

are not gonna get you out that rat-infested apartment.

Watch and learn.

How much for a suck and fuck?

- I'm not a cop. - You're not a captain of industry either

or a partner at the law firm of Cash & Money.

Not in those bargain-basement Hush Puppies.

I manage a RadioShack.

Ha. You've got to sell a whole lot of tape recorders

to be able to afford a go-around with Miss Elektra, honey.

I've got $75

and a six-pack of beer.

Fine.

But you will be buying me a hot apple pie

at the Mickey D's drive-through when we're finished.

Don't get any ideas.

How you clean up like that every time you work the piers?

Don't matter if it's snowing

or 100 degrees, you come back with a stack.

Besides the fact that I'm the hottest bitch for 50 miles,

it's because they know that I don't belong out there.

They pay more because I am more.

One day, I'll have a walk-in closet

full of the finest fashions,

furs, minks, ermines

and jumpsuits that make me look like a walking disco ball.

And a real apartment with a doorman

to carry my things for me.

Dinner at the Four Seasons,

and the party at Studio 54 won't start until I arrive.

And a sugar daddy to pay for it all.

Miss Elektra depends on no one.

Dependence is weakness.

I'm going to make my own fortune.

I've got a mind for business.

Sounds like your dream is to be a white man.

- Shit. I can't find my keys. - What?

They must have fell out in that guy's truck after I...

- What's wrong with you, you dumb bitch? - What's the issue?

You can come by for your things tomorrow.

I can't go back to my mother's house

- looking like this! - Chill out, okay?

It is00 in the morning. Your mother ain't waiting up for you.

You don't know Ms. Tasha Jackson!

Duane?

What are you wearing, boy?

It's Halston.

"It's Halston."

Who do you think you're talking to?

Come here.

You walk around like you're the man of the house, but...

the last time I checked,

my name is on the deed.

I'm the one paying the mortgage,

keeping a roof over your head.

This is my house,

and you have the audacity

to enter it wearing a dress?

We talked about this.

Yes, ma'am. We have.

What did I say?

Told me to stop wearing women's clothes.

I said

I do not want

a cross-dressing homosexual

- in my home.

I'm not a homosexual.

What do you call a man

- who wears dresses and makeup, huh?

I am not a cross-dresser or a man.

Excuse me?

I...

I am a woman.

Take it off.

No.

- Take... it...

- ...off! - Stop! Stop it!

- Stop!

Look at yourself.

Look!

No!

My name is Elektra!

- Duane, get back down here.

- Duane!

Duane, where you think you going?

Anywhere but here with you!

I don't accept humiliation and abuse in the streets,

and-and I certainly won't accept it from you anymore!

I'm leaving you!

I am your mother.

You may have birthed me,

but you refuse to see me.

You never understood me.

And I done waiting for that to happen!

I don't need your abuse anymore!

I'm leaving you! I'm done!

Fine.

But all this is mine.

The trunk is mine.

It's in my house.

It belongs to me.

But what's inside belongs to me.

The hell it does!

Please.

It's all I have!

- It's all you have! It's all you have!

Get up!

- Get up!

Get... out.

I said...

get... out!

No! No.

- Get out... of my house.

Now you can wear whatever the blessed hell you want.

Mommy!

Wait.

This is who I am.

Farewell, Mother Dear.

The category is...

Live...

Work...

Pose!

Good morning, Anthony.

Quiet night?

Mistress Elektra.

Oh, how I miss you.

I can smell your pan...

Elektra, it's Monique.

I can't make my shift.

I caught something from my kid.

I'll let Chi Chi know when my fever breaks.

-Hey. It's Lulu.

I know I've been MIA

since Angel abandoned me for sober living.

I'm just calling so you know I ain't dead in a ditch somewher.

Don't you and Blanca come looking for me.

-Bye for now.

-You've reached the end of your messages.

You okay?

I'm fine.

What is that?

You know my no-carbs rule.

Figured it'd help with morale.

Nothing cheers a girl up like a sprinkle doughnut.

What were last night's tallies?

We did well. $4,386.

- Up 18% from last week. - Good.

But we can do better.

This enterprise is the future.

Mark my words, sooner rather than later,

everyone will be using their phones to get their rocks off.

I didn't know we hired new phone operators.

- Elektra Jackson? - We need you to come with us.

For what? I've committed no crime.

- No, you know what you did. - We just have a few questions.

This must be just some simple misunderstanding.

Star 69 is legal.

All of my operators have their work permits.

Bring our paperwork.

Why don't you come in? We can discuss this

- over doughnuts and coffee. - We don't want your coffee.

Why don't you come with us to the station?

Are you familiar with the Mafia?

I saw Goodfellas.

Is that why I'm here?

- You think I'm in the mob? - Of course not.

But our mayor, Rudy Giuliani, used to be a U.S. attorney,

and he made it his mission to take down the Italian Mafia

in this city, and he did it.

- Good for him. - I'm telling you this

because I want you to know how fearless

and relentless he is about fighting crime.

When he wants to clean something up, he's a dog with a bone.

The mayor's trying to get the smut out of New York.

Peep shows, porno shops, the piers.

Come on, we're just trying to help you out here.

Just tell us how this all works,

any contacts that helped finance it,

high-end clients who we can make an example of.

Do you think this is my first time at the hoosegow?

The good cop/bad cap thing is gonna work on me?

Aha. I want to call my lawyer.

That's fine. And while he's on his way here,

we'll call up a judge

and get a warrant to search your bank records, your phone records

and your apartment.

Fine.

I've got things to say to you.

But I need to talk to my lawyer first.

If I'm gonna be spilling my beans,

I want the best deal I can get.

Pay phone's down the hall.

Hello?

- Thank God you answered. -What's wrong?

- Why are you whispering? -I am at the police precinct.

- I was apprehended at work. -What'd he book you for?

Nothing yet, but they're trying hard to find something.

I need a lawyer. I can only pay for one

if you go to my apartment and retrieve my trunk.

What trunk?

The one with my precious valuables.

Especially my white jewel from Hellfire.

Oh, no. Hell no.

What do you mean, no?

Elektra, I will not be an accomplice...

Breaking and entering?

Ricky will let you in.

He's been staying with me.

Elektra, no!

I am stressed out enough as it is,

being surrounded by all these men in polyester.

I do not need the added stress of being worried

about my belongings being stolen.

That would lead to a lot of heartache for me.

Elektra, I can't. This is too much, girl, I...

Was it too much when I pulled that Shake-N-Go wig

off your head and filled your malnourished belly

with sustenance?

No.

That wasn't too much then, was it?

I'm not asking. I'm telling.

Blanca, I'm scared.

All right, Ma, I got you.

Please hurry.

- Jackson. - Where's Detective Patterson?

Getting that search warrant. You're under arrest.

I haven't been charged with anything.

I only came in to assist the detectives

on a matter of utmost importance.

Save it. I'm just following orders.

You're to wait here until the detectives return.

H-How long?

Officer, this isn't right.

I'm a woman.

Prove it.

Officer, please!

- Come on, we got to hurry. - Why we hustling?

Elektra got all this money. She could hire movers.

- I don't why we doing this. - Because we family!

Can you not walk so fast?

Nobody's home.

Ricky, stop playing. Buzz me in.

- How's she holding up? - Not great, baby.

Yo, Ricky, y'all got some snacks in here?

- I just hit the gym, bro. - Yeah, you getting brolic, bro.

- I see you. - Would y'all stop messing around? God.

What the hell is all this?

Yeah, that's mad weird.

Well, you know Elektra and her quirks.

- Excuse me. - My bad.

All right, now come and help me with this trunk.

- That's you. - That's all you.

That's you, big dawg.

- Go and get up in there. - Help her with the trunk.

- Come on, strong man. - Will y'all help me?

Man. Watch out, Ma. Let a pro do this.

Check this out, dude.

Goddamn! Yo, what's she got in here?

A hundred beaded gowns or something?

Aw, hold up. I ain't about to go to jail

moving drugs for Elektra.

- That's y'all. - Look, it's not drugs.

Then what is it?

You want me to tell Pray Tell when he gets back from rehab

that you been hanging out at the bars on Christopher Street

- every night? - Who told you that?

- A reliable source. - Ma.

You're making me nervous. Is you and Elektra in trouble?

Look, I can't say. I...

I don't want y'all to get involved.

You say family is those you trust,

not just those you love, so is you gonna trust us or not?

All right, look, what I'm about to tell y'all stays here.

- All right. - All right.

A few years ago, Elektra had a client

who overdosed and died.

She knew, if she called the cops,

she would go to jail for life,

even if she didn't do nothing wrong.

That's how they do us.

Yeah, but what that got to do with the trunk anyway?

Oh, shit.

Nah, nah, nah, nah. He ain't in there.

Yo, this is some fucked-up shit.

Okay, well, we need to move this trunk

in case the police come sniffing around.

What are y'all waiting for? Let's go!

Come on, man.

Move! Damn!

Mind, y'all, we can't get... Oh, my God, excuse me.

- Look out, look out.

Come on. Come on, come on, come on.

- All right. - Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

All right, where are we parking this thing, man?

Damon's room, Damon's room. Come on.

Well, it's not gonna fit in the closet or under the bed.

- Come on, boy.

- Um...

There. We'll make a shrine out of it.

- Oh, shoot. - Hey!

- How did you get me into this?

Oh, damn, Ricky.

One, two, three.

Here, put this on there.

There, there.

You're safe now.

You good, Ma?

Um, uh, yeah. Just...

it's just...

Me and this trunk, we got history.

It goes all the way back with our family.

It all started with Elektra.

This trunk held some of her most prized treasures,

all her dreams.

And she gave them all away.

For us.

What you over there cooking, cross-dresser?

A whole lot of nothing. Everything we got is spoiled.

Well, you better get out there and sell some of that flat ass

you got, 'cause your sisters are hungry, bitch.

Okay, first and foremost, it's supple.

And I'm not sucking dick for nobody to feed

- y'all evil asses. - Good. 'Cause we don't need

your snaggletooth ass getting charged with assault.

- Oh, girl, whatever.

No, Blanca, I'm-a need you to do my toes

- after you finish whipping us up something to eat. - Mm-hmm.

She gonna need that pedi stat, 'cause with them hooves you got,

- you can cut a bitch. - Bitch!

Oh, my God, will both of y'all shut up?

Y'all nails are the least of our worries.

- Please. - Hey, Mom.

- You good? - I'm sorry.

- What are those two hyenas babbling about? - We ain't got no food to cook.

What about the Chinese I brought in the other night?

It went bad.

Fuck!

-Ooh!

What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Ain't shit wrong with me.

I ain't the one having mental outbursts.

You're all as useless as nuns in a whorehouse.

Except maybe you, Blanca dear,

though next to these two cinderblocks with sew-ins,

even a traffic cone would look like Einstein.

I don't know who you're talking to, but this is your house,

so all the glory and responsibility

- go to you. - Amen.

Hey, Ma, you know I'd do anything for you, right?

If you need me to, I'll go out to the piers tonight.

That won't be necessary, dear.

I hate to admit it, but Candy is right.

I am the mother. I've got work to do.

Someone's got to provide for this hellhole.

Yeah, 'cause you nasty, lazy hos ain't gonna do nothing.

- You little kiss-ass. - Go in the kitchen and fix something.

- Buff your hair or something.

Hey, boo.

How much you make on that one?

$25, and I pickpocketed this box

of cigarettes from him, too.

- What do you little ones think

you're doing?

Taking a smoke break.

And what's it to you, Mama?

Fix your tone when you're addressing an elder.

- Surely you should be

tucked in at home.

- Where are your parents? -Parents?

- We don't got no parents. - And you don't

have any home training, either.

- All we got is each other. - That's right.

You all met out here on the piers?

Lemar and me is cousins.

We ran away to Christopher Street

together on my 16th birthday.

That's when we met Cubby.

- We all look out for one another. - We stay over there.

We sleep in shifts so nobody steal nothing

or try no funny stuff.

That's wise.

How long have you been out here... working?

I don't really work here.

I only go with men when we get real hungry.

- Lemar does it, too. -Cubby, too.

We all do what we got to do.

-Elektra baby.

How about we go for a joyride?

- I'll be right with you, baby. - You can bring

your little friend.

The more the merrier.

- Yeah. - Go, go, go.

No, no, no.

Absolutely not.

You can have me all to yourself in just a sec.

Listen up.

I want you to gather up your stuff

and go to this address.

Ask for Blanca. Don't be startled.

She's got a good heart under that unfortunate wig.

She'll let you in. She's my daughter.

Wait!

Who do we say sent us?

Your mother.

My name is Elektra.

Hey, Daddy. You ready for the hottest bitch in town?

- I trust that walk. - Let's go.

- Look at her fur. - Let's get our stuff. Let's go.

We got to run.

Do you think they over in China,

ordering out for burger and pizza and fries?

Um, pizza is Italian.

-- Mm. -- It's not American.

- Don't do me like that. - It's not.

I heard Marco Polo brought pizza

back to Italy from China.

No, that's spaghetti, sweetheart.

I'm just saying, we should all go to China

and open up a burger and pizza and fry joint

and make a killing selling takeout.

- I don't know about that. - I ain't selling no takeout.

I hear a lot of words in between those generous bites you're

all taking, but none of them seem to be,

"Thank you" and "Mother."

Thank you, Mother.

- We love you. Thank you. - Remember this always.

In this house, Mother Elektra always provides.

- Oh.

- Is it a blackout? -Get the flashlight.

- You get those candles over there. - Not again.

All the lights are on up and down the block.

Right. Let me rent you the tea.

I think Mother Elektra forgot to...

provide a check to Con Ed.

I've been saying it forever.

Earning down at the piers is not enough

to support a house for real and in total.

Who you been saying that to?

Anybody that'll listen.

Ah. So no one.

I cannot tolerate this poverty.

Candy was right.

We need a payday.

- Mm-hmm. - Like robbing a bank.

- Mm-mm. -What?!

We should kidnap one of them rich kids

- from them fancy uptown schools. - No, we will not.

- Those are some major crimes. - Well, we are major desperate.

I mean, how am I supposed to put on my makeup in the dark anyway?

How is everybody supposed to know the difference?

Enough!

We will not live the lives of common criminals.

- So, Ma, what we gonna do? -Yeah.

Children, get your coats.

We must retrieve something that's rightfully mine.

Blanca, don't you grab my coat.

Let's go.

Whose house is this?

Never you mind.

I can't believe that bitch

finally gets air conditioning after I move out.

- Who are you talking about? - Probably some sugar daddy

who got tired of her pillow princess ass.

Get up there and help her!

Be useful for once!

You want me to get up there?

Get up there and help her now!

- I'll do it. - There you go. She can do it.

- I ain't here to babysit. -I'm 16 years old.

I could babysit myself, okay?

Man, this thing's not budging. Is there another way in?

Uh, Candy, give her the hammer.

- Oh, now it's time for the hammer? - Just go.

- Go. - Go.

Shh!

- I'm in. - One, two, three.

- Shh. - Oh!

Didn't know I was joining a banjee house.

Huh?! You say something?

- No. - Oh. Thought somebody without a hammer said something.

It's okay, Candy.

Ma, come on!

I'll stay out here and watch.

Whose house is this?

ELEKTRA It's my life's work.

Worked my fingers to the bone for it all.

Well, except for this fur, which I mopped from a john.

It's worth a small fortune.

It's all I have.

- Duane? - Go back to bed.

I'm just collecting the last of my things.

You look nothing like the boy this trunk belongs to.

I'm calling the police.

Do it! I'll wait right here for them.

They'll come with their sirens blasting,

waking up everyone on the block.

Then me and my girlfriends will make a big Hollywood scene

out front for everyone.

Let all the neighborhood ladies know exactly who I am.

I'll make sure to call you "Mommy."

Just so there's no confusion.

Fine. Take it.

Then there'll never be a reason for you to ever come back here.

- Come on. - Wait.

Here go Mother Teresa.

- My name's Blanca. - You like him?

- Ain't no one like her. - You know what I mean.

Yeah. It's easy for girls like us to find each other

because no one else cares to look for us.

You think I don't grieve the loss of my only child?

That I don't go to bed every night

to wake up to find you in your old bed?

Not me in that bed.

- Duane. - Of... course.

I prayed every day when I was carrying you

that you were a boy.

That's what I wanted.

A son to raise up,

to look after me when he got big and strong.

A man who would never leave...

like the others.

You... took away what was rightfully mine!

I am more ferocious

than any man,

especially when it comes to protecting what's mine.

No one would have touched you.

New people moving in to the neighborhood.

I don't know them.

They watch me when I come home every night.

They know I'm all alone.

What do you want from me, Mother?

Maybe we could find some...

common ground, hmm?

It wasn't all bad when we were together.

We had some good times here.

We could work something out, the two of us.

If, um...

If you could just tone it down a little.

- You... - No! I don't think so.

My whole life is dedicated

to toning it up, about settling for more.

More love, more finery,

more jewels, more power, more money.

More, more, more!

I'm sorry

that you are only able to look upon me with fear

and disappointment.

I'm sorry

that you won't allow yourself

to see me.

The pain of your disapproval

will no longer distract me

from going after everything

I deserve in this world.

Goodbye, Tasha.

Come on.

Ricky, we got a problem.

Why am I reading this?

- You know I can't read.

Shit, I forgot.

It's Christopher. He's coming over.

Hide that shit.

- Baby. - I love how you have your own keys.

- Me, too. - Hey.

- You okay? - Yeah, I've been better.

Elektra got arrested at work this morning,

so I'm just waiting on the judge to set bail.

Man. Okay, I'll come with you.

Oh, no, no, no. I don't want you to do that.

I'm not about to let you walk in a precinct all alone.

What's that smell?

It's probably Papi. He came in straight in from the gym today.

Nah.

It's coming from in here.

Oh. Yeah, you know what, it must be a-a rat.

I-I'll call the exterminator tomorrow.

A rat? Baby, it smell

like a whole pack of rats died up in this house.

Elektra wanted me to hold on to a couple

- of her things, so... - Whoa.

Definitely coming from in here.

It must be from musty, old ballroom looks.

No, no, no, no, no! Elektra wouldn't want

you to go through her stuff like that.

You know what?

Sometimes I feel like I've known you my entire life,

and other times I feel like we just met.

- Excuse me? - You're always keeping me at arm's length.

Look, I know we come from different worlds,

but I can't be with someone who won't let me in.

Well, there are certain things we're forced to do

to survive. You wouldn't understand.

You got to give me a chance.

Well, you're gonna judge me.

When you told me you were positive, did I run?

- No. - Was I any less interested?

Baby, talk to me. What's up?

Okay, look, a few years ago,

Elektra had a client overdose on her,

so she hid him in this trunk so she wouldn't go to prison

for a crime she didn't commit.

I still have it here because, well, she's afraid

the cops are gonna search her condo on these new charges.

I don't understand. Why didn't she just call the cops?

Do you have any idea how bad it gets

for women like us on these streets?

They don't give a fuck about our lives.

Hell, not even the people paid to protect us.

The system blames us when it's the system that fails us.

That's why Elektra didn't call the cops.

Ain't nobody got our backs but us.

Look...

I've been to jail before, Christopher.

I've sat in a cell with men waiting

to get their nasty, filthy hands on me,

just like how Elektra is right now.

And you know why they didn't touch me?

Because Elektra showed up in the nick of time

to bail me out.

No questions asked.

That's what family does.

Baby.

No.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize how hard it was for y'all.

My parents raised me to be cautious of the police,

so I understand you not trusting authority.

Hell, I respect that.

Got to save yourself.

But you ain't got to do that alone no more.

I want to be here for you.

For all of you.

Hello?

All right. She'll be right there.

Talk five. Ma!

Judge has set bail.

Oh.

- I got to go to the precinct. - Fuck no.

We got to go to the precinct.

Then we got to get rid of that trunk.

-Jackson! You're good to go.

You good?

What are they doing here?

Well, the boys helped me move your trunk.

And Doogie Howser?

- Christopher? -Uh-huh.

Oh, he helped with bail.

I-I told him. Everything.

- Why would you do that? - It's gonna take a team

to clear the skeleton out of your closet, Mother.

Hey, Mom.

Lulu, survey the closet for jewels.

Anything with a label, bitch.

Go to the kitchen, get some garbage bags.

Blanca, Lemar, y'all get the room on the left.

Angel and I get the one on the right.

This is not a break-in.

It's not?

I have keys, you dimwit.

Then what we doing here?

Whose house is this?

Ours.

-Bitch. - Are you for real?

- What? -Would I ever lie to you?

This is our new home.

- You all deserve only the best.

Well, the best ain't free. So how you paying for all this?

That is a mother's concern.

Your concern is to snag

all the trophies at the balls.

I want us to be legendary.

Well, we can do that, bitch.

In that case,

welcome home, children.

Uh, you coming

- out the closet again? -No, I was...

I was just exploring.

Don't this seem all too good to be true?

Your high-strung ass needs to relax.

We on the come up. Celebrate!

- Oh, celebrate! We home, y'all!

We home!

Celebrate!

So, we just gonna dump a body in the river

and hope nobody sees us, huh?

No body, no crime, right?

We're not dumping him

in the river.

We're giving him a burial at sea.

This is how we get caught.

We've taken the necessary precautions.

No one's getting caught.

What if we are, Billy Dee Williams?

I could go to prison for the rest of my life,

and all of you will be accomplices.

All right, Mama. It's a risk we willing to take for family,

- right? -We don't have to go through with it.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Yeah.

I'm sure.

Slow down.

- Mm! - Oh!

Papi, help him get that.

You okay? Hey, hey.

Come on. Come on, we almost at the water.

Damn, man, this shit stink.

It's the runoff from the sewage treatment plant.

The microbes and the bacteria in the water

will eat away at all the contents.

Anyone else feel weird burying this guy in a lake of shit?

Let's just get it over with.

Look, you didn't make him take those drugs.

You just happened to be there.

This isn't your fault.

He has a grave, you know.

In Westchester.

His family buried some of his effects there

so they'd have someplace to visit.

How you know that?

It was in the papers.

I scoured them every day for anything about him.

Oh.

You're doing him a service

by giving his body a place to rest.

I guess we'll all be laid to rest in peace one day.

With this act, you give me peace.

Thank you.

I won't forget this gift.

One I'm sure he'd say

I don't deserve.

Toss him in.

- One, two, three.

-Mmm. - My bad. You want the last one?

No, I appreciate it. You can have it.

-- I mean, if you want it... -- No,

you-you can take it. That's you.

Yeah? 'Cause we could split it.

We can. You like...

Problem solved.

Did want a little piece of bread.

-So what? - What are you two

conspiring? No secrets, remember?

I-I just got a message from a college friend.

He works with the assistant district attorney.

I'm supposed to be impressed?

I called in a favor.

The charges against you have been dropped.

I had no idea

she would drag you into this mess.

This is truly too much.

Elektra. Wait!

Ain't it good that you got her off?

That's what I thought.

Okay.

Y'all know how Elektra is.

He shouldn't have done that.

I called you, not your boyfriend.

I refuse to be beholden to any man.

Okay, first of all, Christopher's not just some man.

He's my man, and I can assure you

that I did the heavy lifting.

How will I ever repay him?

- Or you?

You owe me nothing.

It's actually the other way around.

I know what you did for us all them years ago.

And without you, none of us would be here.

- From the clothes we wore that night,

to the apartment you got us so that we had a place

in this world.

All of it was because of what you sacrificed.

I know you sold all your things in your trunk for us, too.

Ma, your sacrifice showed me

that all of this stuff--

the finery, the trophies, the glory--

all of it don't matter

if you don't have a family to share it with.

It's the people that matter most.

And even though you are a royal pain in my ass...

- ...you're my people.

Oh, baby girl,

I've done a lot of wrong in my life.

But with you, daughter,

I know I got at least one thing right.

Good. Now dry these tears and let's celebrate the fact

that you ain't got nothing to hide no more and the fact

that your daughter just got accepted into nursing school.

- What?! - Yep.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?!

- Ma, you was locked up. - Oh.

I'm so proud of you.

Do you know why I named us "Abundance"?

Why?

Because with all of you at my side,

I finally had everything.

A purpose, a mission, a family.

Love.

Do you remember when the new children walked a ball

- as a house for the first time?

I honestly don't know what to say.

I know this is a late-night category,

I know it is00 a.m. in the morning,

and we are all craving rest,

but this is a good category.

A category for the creatives.

And House of Capricorn,

I swear fore God,

you have disappointed me.

The category is Once Upon a Time,

not Prom Night Massacre!

- And what is this?!

What is this with craft store cellophane wigs?

Are you trying to fly away from your shame, Miss Capri?

- I'm Tinker Bell, bitch!

Judges, your scores.

Six,

six, five, four,

and for Tinker Bell Hell...

six.

- Disastrous.

That's it? I'm done? It's time to wrap this shit up

in more ways than one.

What?

Okay.

All right, well, I take that back.

There is some news, children. The legend, Elektra,

apparently, is pregnant tonight

with some new children!

Walking in the Once Upon a Time category,

The House of Abundance!

Oh, shit.

Is that ballroom regular Lulu

serving us Rapunzel realness?

Uh, uh! Oh, oh!

Oh, yes, honey, it is!

It is!

And, as a bonus,

her t tresses are being held aloft

by Prince Charming

and the Cunty Hunty Huntsman,

as one does when preparing for a ball.

And who do we have here,

serving us Brigitte Nielsen realness?

Is it Red Sonja?

- No, motherfuckers!

It's Little Red Riding Hood!

Yes, I do believe it is.

She has a sword, darlings.

Oh, wait a minute.

Is this a stunt on a virgin walk?

Oh, shit.

Gory,

but I like it.

What's next?

What is next?

No. No. I don't believe this.

Oh, it's Sleeping Beauty

with a goddamned mattress attached to her back!

This is how a bitch gets her beauty sleep, honey.

You just drop down and get your 40 winks

and then rise and shine

on the next day and just move on to the next prince.

That's right, bitch!

Still talking back.

Who's next?

- Ooh!

She's coy.

The fairest of them all.

Miss Snow White.

And she is not eating the poison apples.

She's making you eat them.

Another stunt.

Well done.

Work, bitch! Work!

I'm loving it!

I believe it's the final reveal!

The new mother herself.

- Oh!

She has arrived!

The Evil Queen is revealed!

Yes!

There she is,

as only she could play it.

Malevolent.

Wicked beauty.

I pity the princess

who crosses this bitch.

No, you're beautiful.

Work! That's how you do it, motherfuckers.

And now the moment.

Judges, your scores.

- Ten. Ten.

Ten. Ten.

Across the board, bitch.

Yes! Ha-ha.

Come on and get this trophy, girl.

@@Speak life! Hon

Speak life into the building, bitch!

We are...

The House of Abundance!

- Oh!

Yes, you are, bitch!

You go all the way to the end of the story.

All the way to the end of the fairy tale, girl.

I have great news.

My precious daughter

is going to be a nurse!

- Wait, what? - Yeah.

Babe, you got in?

- This morning. - No, come on,

we got to celebrate. You got champagne?

Well, you know, I do have a bottle

of Boone's Farm Tickle Pink

in the 'frigerator.

- Oh, damn skippy!

- When did you find out? - I found out this morning. - Congratulations.

- Thank you, baby. Thank you. - I'm so happy.

- You're doing your thing. - I'm just trying to.

Got some right here.

I'm trying my best still.

For my future stepdaddy.

You talking that noise. That's-that's all.

- He talking that noise. It's all right. Let him talk that noise. - You should probably...

To family.

- To family. - To family.

- To family.