Original subtitles

Hey!

You are trespassing the Old Mike's property!

Get out !

Do you hear me?!

Don’t come any closer!

I was just a soldier

I was just sent there!

Fuck you! You fucking Chinese!!

No !

Please!

Don’t you take your call officer?

You know, ma'am...

I'm looking at two very good reasons not to take this call right now.

Holy fucking shit!

Here you go... be careful next time!

Officer Hopkins! I'm Taking a code 191 on the 102 over!

If you think you're going to fuck Uncle Hopkins like that, you're barking up the wrong tree, Grandpa.

Don’t shoot brothers

Holy fucking shit!

God Damn

What would a redskin have to do with Vietcong on American soil...

You'd think they'd both have a grudge against Uncle Sam...

Shit!

This time the chief won't believe his....

COJONES!!!!! MI COJONES HOPKINS!!!

And on top of that you are fucking with me!

You think I'm just another one of those bean eaters?

Are you're fucking loco in your head Hopkins?

I'm sick and tired of your bullshit,

sick and tired of your stories about fucking VIETNAM!

For God's sake, chief, it's fore real!

I've got the exact coordinates,

we have to get the national guard,

throw napalm on those bastards before they have time to get organized !

BADGE AND GUN PENDEJO !!

I lost this fucking war once,

But now this is my home,

AND I'M NOT GETTING FUCKED OVER!!!

Do you know what gas jockeys and porn stars have in common?

They both get paid to fill you up!

Hopkins !!

You son of a bitch!

Holy fuck, did the pigs change their uniforms?

Hey, I'm taking some time off! To see my old pal!

Some Time Off, I know what you mean...

Forget it, they are lining up around the block…

On the other hand... you seem a bit lonely in this shag pad

You know I've never had pussy problems and I never will

I missed you Hopkins!

What brings you here? Can I get you a beer?

We have to talk John...

I'm not really on vacation.

I've been laid off... The chief won't believe my story.

Oh shit...

Don't worry, you've come to the right place!

There's always a job here for you!

No, it's not that John, I don't need a job.

I just...

I don't know how to say this.

It's Charlie John, The VC, they've returned.

I've seen them!

Fuck Hopkins, can you hear yourself?

Don't start that again!

THAT'S for real John,

They've weapons caches, They're up to something big!

Do you have any proof of what you're saying, witnesses, photographs?

Can't you hear yourself spouting bullshit?

You've got to believe me, John!

I've crossed half the country hoping you'd believe me,

they all think I'm nuts.

But they don't know what it is!

You and I...

We've been through this shit...

and we've got to stop it now! Here, at home!

On the american soil Goddamnit!

Listen, Hopkins, it means a lot that you came to me,

for real!

But you're sick, you have to understand that...

It's over!

I know we saw awful stuff back then in the shit

but we're back home now. Got it?

God damn, John!

Nobody believed me in New York in '78.

And today, you don't believe me either?

I can’t believe it,

We did 3 tours together.

it’s something, you know me, I'm not crazy!

Listen Hopkins… I'm gonna give it to you straight...

I'm done with all that!

My daughter just graduated in the fucking Marines!

OKAY? I don't know if I should be proud of her or if I should cry!

I've been fixing birds here for 4 years to pay for her school

and now she's doing the same bullshit we did!

It's over for me Hopkins, do you hear me? IT'S OVER!

This fucking war was for nothing, do you hear me? NOTHING!!!

Anderson, Johnson, Taylor, Mc Quay, Ruiz, and that fucking Snow White!

They all died for nothing, you hear me? FOR NOTHING!!!

Take it back!

You can't talk about brothers like that !!!

This war had a meaning !

They died for freedom, it's not all for nothing John !!!

Rednecks like us are manipulated!!!

The Beans, the Brothers, The gooks didn't need us in their shit!

they didn't need us to get involved.

Take it back John!! Take it back!

Put the gun down pal, don't be stupid! You've got better things to do than blow up your face off!

I'll do it John ! If you don't take it back, I'LL DO IT !!

Please don't be stupid Hopkins!

Moments ago, a brutal terrorist attack occured at the Parris Island military academy,

during the graduation ceremony of the US Marine Corps cadets.

Hundreds of servicemen and civilians were poisoned by a toxic gas device made from pesticide,

more specifically called, Agent Orange

Jesus Christ John! Isn’t it today Jenny was supposed to graduate from Parris Island?!

Hello, this is Connie Island military hospital,

may I speak to Major Hunter please?

Hello?

Give me that!

Hello? Yes, this is Major Hunter.

What's the matter? Is my daughter all right?

Your daughter has just been put into a deep coma,

she has been taken to intensive care,

we can’t give you any prognosis,

don’t try to visit, the hospital has been quarantined, and transports are saturated

What the hell is going on??

I'll be right there, I want to see my daughter!

We're gonna need some backup.

Greetings, John!

I came with an old pal!

I hope you don't mind?

Hopkins, this shit is for you!

Shotguns, 9mm, 5.56 assault rifles,

Here are the 7.62 assault rifles

and the 40mm grenade launchers.

Holy shit guys! Christmas came early!

You've also got Semtex and C-4.

I hope you didn’t forget bud course!

Hell no, don’t worry John

Kowalsky this is your stuff!

M60, PKM, 66mm rocket launcher

It’s only the 3 of us, but you’ll be our warship understood?!

Copy that Major!

Hey guys! Guess who I am??

Kowalsky stucked into Mama San’s fat ass!

And here, you have my little friend...

Ammos are this way. Grab what you need guys,

but grab fucking enough, because this time...

WE ARE GOING THERE TO WIN!

Hey Kowalsky, want a picture?

Hey Kowalsky!

You know what a pizza and a robot have in common?

No?

They're both automaton!

Tomato!

Get it?

Zero humor, zero humor.

Hey look guys I can see my house!!

Are you sure it's not a septic tank?

America guys, The land of the free, home of the braves!!

Hey Kowalsky!?

I was wondering...

Since the Commies refurbished you,

down there, what's left?

Hypersophisticated combat chassis or Endoskeleton!

Covered with human biological tissue,

skin, muscles, tendons, nerves, blood, the whole nine yards.

Detachable and self-guided,

capable of infiltrating into enemy bases

and kill its targets from the outside as well as from WITHIN!

Guys! Arrival at the LZ in 5!

You know what you have to do, you know the drill!

Let's find some cover in case those bastards are waiting for us

and we get the fuck out of there!

One for all!?

AND ALL IN MAMASAN!!!!

Hey Hopkins, what the hell?

I don't get it, the old fart was just standing there!

And they came out of nowhere like rats!

And he did nothing else?

Nothing!!

He just started whistling, that's all!

Then whistle! You moron!

I got no whistle!

With your hands, god damn it!

God, what have I gotten myself into now?

Is that you, John Wayne? Or is it me?

God damn Hopkins! ‘the fuck told you to shoot that guy?

Holy shit Hopkins, you said 3 fucking gooks! Not a goddamn Russian army battalion!

RPG!!!

Reloading!!

Plan B!

Americans! This is a special military operation of the great Soviet Union

I'll give you 5 seconds to surrender!

Well, how's that for proof?!

Disgusting!

Major, these infantrymen don't have the typical Southeast Asian face at all!

Guys, we've just taken out a whole platoon of Spetsnaz,

the Soviet army's special forces.

Hopkins,

I think you didn't just kick the anthill!

Nope!

I think we've just witnessed the start of World War 3, guys!

Russkies on the American soil, fucking shit!

Major, these are the same tunnel systems used by the Vietcong on the outskirts of Saigon!

Wop!! Express rat removal!!

Goddamn!

Hopkins! I swear I will...

Ok I get it, I’ll go first!

You gonna finish that anytime today?

Those bastards really worked hard as hell! Look at that, holy shit! Now that's a fancy tunnel!

Major, shall I plant the explosives?

No! Even if we destroyed this cache, there must be hundreds more just like it!

The only solution is to take the tunnel and follow it up!

Welcome to Pekin Express, fasten your seatbelts and get ready to go!

And here we go!

I'm waiting for your proposals gentlemen,

if each of you want a piece of America,

what will be your contribution to the cause?

Let's start with you, General.

Si, si Camarade.

Si quiero...

Ah!

in English,

After all, we are an international coalition!

Of course, Comrade

The Free Republic of Val Verde

will lend its support to the cause

by deploying 2 infantry divisions

and 3 armored divisions to Florida.

Our men have already infiltrated the best taco restaurants.

In exchange, we'd like to annex Miami

to ensure a constant link with our nationals

and build a great bridge to Val Verde!

Of course, of course, General Alcazar

The friends of the revolution are our friends!

Mister Ben Kalish !

What do the Eastern armies have to offer the cause?

I promise you... Black Gold !

The Oil!

An infinite amount of oil!

You'll be able to drive, sail, fly

and crash on the American sheitans!

And inch Allah

if it works, I only want one thing.

I want all the oil from the filthy Texas, USA!

And if Allah, the one and only, wills it,

That bitch Pamela Anderson in a Bikini!!!!

In my harem in Las vegas!

ENOUGH!

What about our Soviet friends?

In the name of the great Soviet Union,

we will provide the cause with 3 divisions of the best men in the Red Army,

our glorious Spetnatz!

And Comrades...

Allow me to introduce to you the best of us

known in the Western world as the white wolf of Siberia,

the survivor of Stalingrad,

the Bill Gates of St. Petersburg,

the sickle and the hammer!

May I introduce...

Vasil... Zaitsev

Thanks to my supercomputer with a power of 100 megahertz

I plan to crash the Americans' new project.

The Internet.

And Comrades! Rest assured that without the Internet,

the Wall Street stock market will collapse like a house of cards!

but what about our American allies?

Grand Wizard, if I'm not mistaken?

Well well well!

Comrade General,

of course the clan will provide it’s support to the cause.

We're planning to set wooden crosses on fire

in 3 different parts of the united states

Across Iowa,

Mississippi.

And Anchorage!

That's in... It's in Alaska.

I... Uh...

Ah, and we're planning, also, to poison

multiple fried chicken restaurants!

In the...

suburb of... Baton Rouge...

Comrade General!

Operation Richard Nixon, Great success!

Everything went according to plan and the Americans are panicked and disorganized!

Perfect, perfect!

Start operation Ronald Reagan right away!

Yes Comrade General!

Oh, fuck guys is it me or have we been in this fucking elevator for 3 days?

52 hours to be precise, and boy it’s fucking hot in here!

Kowalsky any idea where we are?

According to my geolocator, we're approaching the earth's core!

Core what??

God dang I've always wanted to see a volcano!

Hey! Reminds me of an old movie... Normally, we should be running into dinosaurs soon!

You never stop talking crap Hopkins. What the hell is your problem??

Peter Pan syndrome!

My shrink says I've got the mind of a 5-year-old.

But in the dream body of a mature man!

Watch out, guys, we're getting close to the core,

this magma peaks at 3000 degrees Celsius.

Hey guys, 100 bucks says a grenade in a volcano doesn't explode!

Damn it Hopkins, you're doing it again I'LL KILL YOU!

What?! You had to be sure, for science!

Major, it's about to get tighter! My sonar indicates that we're getting closer to the surface.

How much tighter?

Fuck it's tighter than mama san's asshole in here!

A human wouldn't survive this opening Major.

How far are we, Kowalsky?

Another mile and we're out Major!

Hopkins! All clear on our 6?

Hopkins !

Come see the west coast, we're going surfing, it'll be fun! KISS MY ASS!

Goddamn, where the hell did we end up?

I don't know Major

Panama, Costa Rica, Val Verde...

Anyway a tropical biome,

Have you found the corporal?

No! There's a whole bunch of tunnels down there, it's like an anthill!

We'll wait for him here.

Secure the perimeter!

Understood, Major!

God damn Hopkins, what the fuck are you fucking doing again?

As mom used to say,

Once you go black,

you never go back!

No thanks!

Goddang fucking tunnels!

Wooh fuck!!

My Boy you're so skinny you need to eat a little more!

It's no fucking skeleton that’s going to scare Hopkins!

What the hell...

Don't move...

Don't come any closer, you plucked scum !!!

Don't come any closer!

Crap!

Run!!

Run awayyyy!!

Major! The Corporal had a poultry attached to his reproductive organs!

It's not a chicken Kowalsky, RUN!!!

Let it go, you bastard!

Goddamn Hopkins, I thought you'd solved your crabs problem!

Ah fuck it's eating me up more than Mama San !!!!

Run...

One for all?

And all on Mama San!

Fucking jungle shit!

Thank God, they're still here!

There must be a family jewels God!

Fuck guys, I don't know you...

But I’m getting way too old for this shit!

Major, my system is flooded,

I can't locate us anymore,

I've completely lost our position, Major.

Damn it!

Hey Guys!?

Look,

logically we've left from here,

it's really fucked up.

We must be in Louisiana, Florida max!

Major, my last readings indicated much further afield,

we've crossed the earth core.

Hey Guys!?

Shut up Hopkins!

Hey Guys!?

I think I know where we've landed!

Welcome back

to fucking VIETNAM!!!

Kowalsky, take the high ground and find us a vantage point.

Understood Major.

Wait for me guys, I gotta go make the anaconda cry!

Fucking plucked chicken !!

I'm gonna send you straight to KFC !!!

Take it easy Hopkins, you wouldn’t kill a baby!

Where I come from, babies don't try to eat your fucking balls!

Since you were the first one he saw when he hatched,

he must think you're his mother!

You think so?

Shit man,

I've always believed I was ready to start a family!

You've got to see this, Major!

Roger!

Wait

Look

You're not mean!

You were just hungry!

If you like Uncle Hopkins' Jerky,

then you're a real American!

And in homage to the King,

I'll call you ELVIS!

Take a look Major!

Motherfuckers,

They are enslaving dinosaurs to grow their fucking rice!

These peons must have optimized grain cultivation with the help of these wild beasts.

They certainly need to feed several infantry divisions.

Hey guys, I made a new friend!

Let me introduce you...

SHUT UP HOPKINS!

A column is moving up the rice field with equipment,

and they've got American POWs!

Let me see!?

Jesus Christ, John! They brought Marines from Parris Island!

Jenny's unit!

Motherfuckers!

There!

There! It’s her!

She's the one I saw buying weapons from the old fart in the desert!

You're sure about this?

Aaaah, I'm just as sure it was Mama San who gave me Crabs!

Affirmative, John!

In that case, I think we've just found our guide.

Hopkins! What are these complaints from from my haversack?

Shh! Sleep Elvis! Daddy said sleep!

Goddamn it, what the hell, Hopkins?

You took a dinosaur?!

You couldn't have warned us??

But I tried to tell you, but you told me to shut u----

SHUT UP HOPKINS!

Jesus Christ John,

they will execute him, we've got to do something!!!

No !! The target could run away!

Please!

We've been walking for days without drinking.

Please!

Leave him to the flying demons.

Ohhh Well it's fine, he's doing well!

A bullet in each knee!

It wasn't the same when I was a prisoner back then!

“We are going to soak your wounds in salt water”

”We are---”

Hell no, We didn't have that back then, nope...

I still prefer coarse salt!

Major, perhaps we should mount these flying beasts

and get to our destination more quickly?

Shut up! They're heading for our position.

Get out your blades, we'll set up an ambush,

catch them silently and capture Mama San alive.

Got it?

You killed Bence you bitch!

You die American Dog!!!

The princess is awake!

I will kill you all, American dogs!

Tell us who's behind all this,

take me to your commander and I'll set you free.

NEVER! I will never betray the cause!

Leave my country!

I don't think you understand me love,

You're going to lead us to your base of operations, otherwise the cause, is over for you.

I prefer to die than be enslaved by Americans!

You've already killed my whole family.

You can't do worse to me !

Dying would be a gift!

Well then!

He's not doing it!

I don't believe it one sec!

When it comes to his daughter,

I won't underestimate the Major!

50 bucks says he does!

I'm in!

Your organization went after the wrong Green Beret’s daughter,

we'll kill them all,

with or without your help.

Give my regards to Mao Tse Tung!

STOP !!

Who is this gnome?

It's not a gnome, but a child Hopkins!

Get him Hopkins!

With pleasure chief!

No need to bother Americans,

I'll take you to our commander.

If you promise not to hurt my sister.

No, leave me Chen! Go away!

We cannot trust them

Okay, kid!

Drop it and maybe we'll talk about it!

You follow me! My boat is a day's walk!

if we leave right away, we'll be there before dark

and have shelter from carnivores.

Carnivores?

Which carnivores?

Hey, kid! Wait up! Which carnivores??

Hopkins, you forgot your creature.

Fucking Vietnam!

Hey, kid, hey, what's your name?

Chen, but you can call me Spring Roll,

Americans call me that, Spring Roll!

Spring Roll, Ok !

Tell me, Spring Roll, what should we be feeding these critters with?

This is dirty lizard! We will eat it tonight!

Are you crazy? We're not going to eat Elvis!

I just want to know what is common to feed them with?!

You beaucoup dinky dau G.I. Joe!

Boom Boom too close your head!

Is this kid fucking nuts?

I simply want to know what I should give those critters to eat!

What are those Americans doing here!?

It could compromise operation Ronald Reagan!!

I want them dead before dawn!!

Professor Müller!! Herr Fürer!!

Launch operation Abraham Lincoln!!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!

Schnell! Launch the operation Abraham Lincoln!

Tell me kid, where did all the people go?

You, help us Americans!

Help us find our mother !

And me, bring you to Uncle!

Shut up ! We cannot trust the Americans

Have your parents been taken prisoner?

Everyone gone GI, many moons ago,

those who didn’t want to fight, taken away by Uncle,

never seen again

My mother too

My father, he...

he died in the war against the Americans

Listen, I promise we'll do everything we can for your mother.

Thanks for your help.

Hey Come here!

Hey, have you ever tasted this?

You want one?

So, what should we feed this little critter with?

Look, we've got nothing against you, we're no longer at war.

What happened here, it's happening in my country.

You killed my family, dirty American dogs !

I hate you, I hate George Bush

I hate your freedom, your big trucks!

and your well mown loawns!

I hate your hamburgers,

your skyscrapers, the lessons you give to the rest of world

I hate America and capitalism!

You know when I came here, it was to help your people,

not to kill them.

And believe me, I've helped as many as I could.

Who knows?

Maybe it all has to do with that Uncle you're always talking about.

Maybe your parents are over there.

No way, Uncle has got nothing to do with this!

He is here for our people, to protect our people,

Uncle takes good care of us!

Here, eat this.

Sorry !

I call him Elvis, that suits him, doesn't it?

This is deinonychus

him, is too small

don’t have mom to feed him

You must chew well

chew very well

and then

Disgusting!

Looks like my grandmother with her poodle…

You ask me, me show you !

Oh yeah yeah! Let me try!

Ah God damnit!!!

Spring Roll help me!!!

That creep did it again!!!

Lizard like american sausage !!

CONTAAAAAAAACT !!!

Personnel treated Major.

Nice work Kowalsky

Hopkins, go check bodycount!

Always the same doing the dirty work!

Hey guys?

Is that normal?!

Major, we've got a problem!

I think we're facing…

FUCKING GODDAMN ZOMBIE-CONGS!!!

Goddamnit all, FIRE AT WILL!!!

Shit, they're never dead! Reload!

Haven't you ever seen a movie? Shoot them in the head Goddamnit!!!

At this rate we won't make it Major!

They're everywhere!

Hold your position, I'll cover the right flank!

Understood Major!

Ammunition depleted!

Shit, I'm out!

John, we're out of ammo, what do we do?

Be creative or we'll all be in the dinner!

How's that for creative?

Yeaaaaaah it's like the 4th of July !!

Dammit Hopkins, you could have warned us about all that C4!

Ooooh c'mon!

Now we have to warn you every time we place C4!

Major! Hopkins' counterattack seems to have been effective!

There's no further movement Major!

Say hello to uncle Hopkins...

Now that…

That's what I call a shitload of zombies!

Guys, pack it up, we're out of here!

It’s me !

It’s Lan !

Stop, it’s me!

It’s me Lan! Stop!

Please! Stop!

Lan, Chen, I'm sorry...

But it wasn't your mother...

Mom would not want become like those demons.

Mom, up there! With Pa!

She, proud of us!

You, follow me!

Me lead you to boat.

Come on both of you, let's go, let's hurry up!

Hold your position as long as you can!

Let's meet up at the kid's boat!

And no bullshit!

It's life and death, old pal!

Hopkins, these ghouls have us outnumbered!

Operate retreat, and I'll provide the necessary cover!

Oh No! I'll hold 'em off myself!

I'll get the medals!

Beat it Kowalsky, that's an order!!!

I have the rank of Staff Sergeant, which makes me your commanding officer!

I'm just a processor and a memory card in Sergeant Kowalsky's envelope,

Get out of here, Hopkins, that's an order!

Kowalsky, Noooo!

Respect the chain of command, Corporal!

I'll be back for you, old pal! I promise!

Semper Fidelis, Hopkins!

Semper Fi!

And now we're going to have a little party!

Yes a nice little party!

Just you and me!!

Die, you Communist scum!!!

Yeah, come on!!!

Goddamn leftist swingers!!!

Get your dirty paws off me you scum!!!

Don't touch me!!

Don't touch me you brain-dead socialists!!!

Kowalsky nooo!!

You fucking idiot!!

Why did you do that??

Isn’t it beautiful

They, are last of their species

They were exterminated when Americans dropped agent Orange on Vietnam’s forests

Fucking War...

You know kid, I’m really sorry that I took part in all this...

You don’t be sorry !

You followed Uncle Sam’s orders !

Vietcongs followed Uncle Ho orders !

We, pawns on very big chessboard!

You are one hell of a kid you know!

Those two make quite a pair, don't you think?

Yes!

Thank you John, for saving my life.

and have allowed my mother to rest in peace.

You have mother John ?

Yes

She was named Atsuko, she was japanese

After the Korean War when my dad died, she raised me alone

And she taught me martial arts.

Today they rest in peace together, up there.

Here

You saved my life

It’s tradition to offer you something

Even if your god isn’t the same

Bouddha will watch over you !

Thank you

Getting to meet you and Chen,

Really made me realize that I wanted to leave it all behind

It’s a page of my life turning

War...

War will never change...

Thank you John

for opening my eyes

You, Hopkins, Kowalsky

are the first Americans I have spoken to

We were told you were monsters

That you would eat our children and rape our sisters

But I had never met an American

And I think

I think now

I want to live my own life

With my own opinion

I don’t want to take orders from anyone anymore

The uncle betrayed us !

He betrayed us all!

Who is this Uncle you are always talking about ?

John !

They did it !

Spring Roll was able to get CNN

They are in the United States! At Home!!

They are on the American soil John !

Boby Pope, live with Hardcore! On the scene and in your face!

reporting live from the streets of New York,

where scenes worthy of World War 3 are unfolding right now before our very eyes !

I'm in the middle of the shooting, the screams, the explosions and the suffering of the wounded!

The enemy is in our streets! The United States are under attack!

Americans, if you can hear me, we are at war!

Barricade yourselves! Arm yourselves!

Fight for your friends, your family or your city!

This time nobody will do it for you!

Us, have arrived G.I. !

Us, have arrived at Uncle !

Holy fucking shit...

And how do we get into this place ?

It must be guarded

They must have already spotted us

I knew it! we should have expected this!

A frontal attack without Kowalsky is suicide

Lan, how do we get inside?

I have an idea

But you gonna have to trust me

Comrade commander Nguyen Thi Lan, let us pass !

I’m bringing an American prisoner to the Uncle

My apologies Commander!

Who are you American ?

What are you doing here ?

Who are you ?

Lower your eyes! American dog!!

Get up, capitalist demon!

Komandir !

You forgot the American balls!

Get in the tunnel, Hopkins!

Look after the kid, Hopkins!

Set up campsite, Hopkins!

Damn it! I'm the one who should be having fun!

After all, this was all my idea, wasn't it?

What do you think, Elvis?

You can't have a real conversation around here...

I’m the one that should have been having fun!

You didn't pull any punches!

Sorry John, but it was necessary!

Fucking Bastards

They are experimenting on dinosaurs, but why?

It’s part of the culture here to believe,

that the blood flowing in the veins of the giant lizards can give strenght, and eternal life.

Kill me…

Kill me…

Leave us Lan

But John?

Tell my family...

And my mother...

You can count on me, Marine...

Semper...

Fi...

Commander Nguyen Lan, Major John Hunter

We know that you're here

Surrender immediately and no harm will come to you.

John?

Yes, I'm here.

Do not forget me...

No Lan you’ll live!

Save... America

Save... Vietnam

Save... Freedom...

If you want something done right, do it yourself!

Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse!

Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse!

Forever let us...

Goddamn, is this a slumber party or something?

Let me out of here!

LET ME OUT OF HERE!!

I told you I'm a tourist!

And I suppose that breakfast is not included?

Concentrate, Hopkins.

Con-cen-trate.

Well! It's all over!

At last, the American princess joins us!

We were beginning to wonder if you needed a kiss

to wake you up.

Who are you?

And where am I?

You've probably already heard of me...

When you were busy, trying to colonize my country!

You and your kind used to call me...

Uncle Hô!

Bad enough you were one ugly motherfucker,

but now you look more like a Peking duck!

Hô Chi Minh is dead motherfucker!!! Untie me!

American humor...

As deplorable as ever...

But I'm alive and well, as you can probably tell...

Mr Hunter...

How do you know my name asshole?

But come on Major,

everybody knows the name of the best warrior in the world,

Uncle Sam's perfect little soldier!

You see, Doctor Muller over here,

had for a brother an old friend... and late... ally,

the Colonel Kinsky!

A close friend of your daughter's before she murdered him,

Jenny, am I right?

Mention my daughter's name again, you Communist mummy bastard,

and I swear I'll unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Oh... No Mr Hunter,

because thanks to this machine invented by Dr Muller,

I’m going to convert you to the communist doctrine in no time!

And the funniest part of all,

is that it's fueled by the poison America has been spreading on our land for decades,

Agent Orange!

How ironic!

In a few minutes, you'll forget all about your precious green bills

Are you American?

Corporal Leeroy Hopkins

the American dream in person

Holy Shit!

So let me tell you one thing

What they did to us

They'll do it to you too

If I were you, I'd kill myself right now

Holy shit guys, you are really ugly as hell

That's sweet of you to say, but no thanks.

Fucking dinosaurs,

no wonder the chickens replaced you

Listen to me you fucking redneck!

Me and my boys have been here since 1968, all right?!

We've been rotting here for 22 years

You've no idea what we've been through,

what they did to us

We’re what’s left of our company, okay!?

The MIAs of A Shau Valley... Rings a bell?

A Shau?

Are you the Green Berets of D Company?

We've lost the berets...

but at least we're still green! Right, guys?

Listen guys, I didn't come alone,

I came with Major John Hunter,

we're gonna get you guys out of here!

Hunter...

Hunter the smoker?

Yeah

Goddamn guys ! This jerk, he came with Major Hunter the smoker !!!

The Bolshevik killer!!!

We're fucking saved!

Oh Elvis, your daddy really missed you, you know that?

Tell me sweetie, don't you have an idea how to get us out of here?

Go Elvis, go! Go, go, go!

Elvis, what do you want to do with that?

Over there!

The big guy

There!

Go, go, go!

Too big!

Too big!

The key

The key

Oh yes Elvis the Key! On the guard there! Go!

Come on, Come on, Come on!!

Oh no...

Hey! Hurry up!

Do you know where Hunter is?

Yeah, the plan was the girl would bring him to The Lab.

The lab, we know where that is...

They tortured us there for 20 years!

Holyshit guys! If I find that fuckhead doctor, I'll eat him up!

Take this Corporal!

Let's go, to the lab now!

OU-AH !!

Has this man embraced Marxism-Leninism, Dr Muller?

Oh no, oh no!

When I’ll come back, I want this man ready to share everything!

I'll kill you, you Nazi bastard,

just like I killed your brother before.

And how do you plan to do that, Mr Hunter?

First I'm going to use you as a shield,

then I'm going to kill that guard over there with the tools you have here.

And finally, I'm gonna shove your head so far up that fucking nerd's ass,

he’ll puke out your glasses

What makes you think we're going to let you do this?

What day is it? Tuesday?

It's arm day!

Now it's your turn!

What the fuck is that?!

Leave my buddy alone, you fucking communist motherfuckers!!!!

Damn it Hopkins, they're already dead!!!

Come on John, we've got to get out of here, the whole base is on alert!

What in God's name is that?

I'll explain later !!

Here John, grab this!

It should fit you!

Follow me, we have to get the hell out of here!

No, I got one more thing!

Find the exit with your men, and meet me at the extraction point!

Oh no no no,

I've already lost Kowalsky so I'm not going to leave you too!

Don't piss me off Hopkins, it's a personal matter!

That Hô Chi Minh bastard is still alive!

Ho Chi what??

That dirty old bastard is still alive!

Find the exit, and take your men with you, now go!

Hurry up guys, Go Go Go Go Go!!!

As for you...

Let's see how willing you are to share your wealth!

Give my regards to your brother motherfucker!

Lizardman!! Noooooo!!

Is this the only way out?

The only one I know, corporal!

The exit is right behind!

Of course it is!

Allahu akbar... on F2!

F...

Dos...

He sank my aircraft carrier!

I shoot on...

I shoot...

H4!!

Someone asked for democracy!?

Santa Maria Madré dé Dios...

El Commando Ninja!!

Ho Chi Minh! Get out of here you bastard!!

Corporal look! It's Major Hunter!!

We're saved!!

John! Down here!

Hopkins!

The exit is right there!

But they reinforced their position, those Bastards !!!

The major has a plan...

I saw it in his eyes

Ok let’s go! Let’s go!

I’m meltiiiing!

Don’t shoot!

Let the fuckers melt!

Well done Hopkins

So you've chosen confrontation, American!

We'll sort this out, you and me,

no need for more innocent people to die!

My operation is underway,

America must be on its knees

There are no innocents, Mr. Hunter!

For you, it'll be Major!

I thought I taught you better...

My apprentice!

Don't you recognize me... John?

Master... Yin??

Master, Why??

ENOUGH!! You wanted a confrontation, so fight,

COMMANDO NINJA!!

Who are you? You're not my master!

If you want to know, you'll have to defeat me!

What did... You do to me?

I made you feel the pain,

the pain of losing your family,

your friends,

your country,

the pain that America brought to the people of Vietnam!

It was a pleasure to train you to the art of Ninjutsu John

You were my best apprentice

KILL ME JOHN, KILL ME!!

Master Yin??

When I sensed your Ki, it was my duty to train you to the art of Ninjutsu!

Do you remember the 5 elements?

Do you remember them?

The Earth!

The Fire!

HELP ME JOHN, KILL ME!

The Air!

The Water!

And...

Time!

So you've chosen confrontation, American!

We'll sort this out, you and me,

no need for more innocent people to die!

My operation is underway,

America must be on its knees

There are no innocents, Mr. Hunter!

For you, it'll be Major!

You've exposed me, Mr. Hunter...

I'll save you further suffering by telling you that

neither your beloved master

nor the USSR planned all this.

You see, I needed a strong body

and Colonel Yin, your master, and Colonel Yin, your master,

was the strongest human I found in this world.

However, I underestimated the power of his mind

you humans are not short of surprises...

Are you wondering who I am? Yesssssss...

I'm a child of Agent Orange,

as you call them in America.

I was created after your nerve agents were sprayed on the forests of Vietnam,

and I'm in a way a pure American product,

just like you Mr. Hunter!

Thanks to your master's body,

it was disconcertingly easy to manipulate these INCOMPETENT nations!

And to join them to my cause, posing as their leader.

Stupid imbeciles!

However, I feel no less hatred for the Soviet nations of the East,

than your capitalist Union of the West!

I hate all humans! Yessssssss

My plan to exterminate you is...

The best stories are the shortest

Only a Commando Ninja can kill,

another Commando Ninja!

Still Boby Pope for Hardcore Special Report,

Live from the streets of New York, where battles raged all day!

I'm now trapped, with some brave police officers,

Led by what appears to be, a member of the U.S. Marine Corps!

Excuse me miss, a word please!

Hide you moron!! you're giving our position!!!

Young lady! A word, quickly!

You! Record this!

Enemies of the USA, listen to me!

I joined the Marines for a good reason...

I love killing bad guys!

But the problem I'm seeing now,

is that today

I'm looking at the results of my own country's bullshit!

Vietnamese, Iraqis, African-Americans, Cubans...

Each of you has something to blame us for,

and your thirst for justice and revenge is justified!

We even built our nation on the blood of an entire people!

You are dead American Dog!!

Amigo, let her speak !

She is not wrong...

So yes, I love killing bad guys!

But the killing of innocents must stop...

Looking at you, those I’d love to kill,

are those who sent you here!

In their eyes, you're anonymous! They've manipulated you, torn you away from your homes and families,

to send you to kill other anonymous!

Si si, she’s right!

Si comrade!

Perhaps the best way to fight the forces of evil,

is to stop fighting

As our constitution states, we are all born equal

Here, America is a land of infinite opportunities!

For all those who believe in equality, democracy

and FREEDOM!

I want, an American Coca Cola !!!

And me the green card ! And females!!

And me, all my oil in your 4x4!

And me, I want a risk bonus!

So let's share a good pepperoni pizza,

and make America, A DREAM AGAIN!!!

This is the best Christmas pizza I've ever had!

Pepperoni pizza peppers marshmallows,

my favorite!

Spring Roll no!!!

We said gifts are for tomorrow morning!

That kid!

Hot burgers and cold sodas for everyone, on the house!

Elvis no!!! Daddy said No!!!

My Pizza!!!

Hopkins! I already told you the lizard is OK but in the garage!

Oh look guys I'm on TV!!!

Turn it up Spring Roll!!!

Let me proudly award the Medal of Freedom,

to US Air Force Corporal Leeroy G. Hopkins

a true American hero.

And as of today,

I declare the COMMANDO NINJA FORCE

as an official entity of the United States of America,

the last rempart against the forces of evil

And he didn't even mention about the salary!

Being nurtured by Liberty and Patriotism,

these shadow heroes only asked for the minimum first class enlisted compensation.

Long live the Commando Ninja Force!

Spring Roll! No, no and no!

We're not going to celebrate Christmas without Uncle Kowalsky!

You son of a gun!

Merry Christmas my friends!!!

Merry Christmas!!!