Original subtitles

Don't you hate dealing with the consequences

of a bad situation?

Y'all, consequences help us make better decisions.

Remember when your mama told you to take that meat out

of the freezer and you didn't?

She'd knock your fucking neck back.

I bet you next time, that meat will be thawed out.

Let's start the show.

I think they fucking.

OK.

I'm-- I'm very happy that we're together, DD.

But making love in your teenage niece's bed

is crazy, even for us.

Well, this my bed now, because, as of this morning,

Janelle left for college.

And this mattress ain't never seen this much action.

But I'm staying in a five-star hotel, baby.

We could be chilling in a Cal king

right now with some room service shrimp cocktails.

I know, Kareem, but doing it here makes it feel special.

I feel like I'm 16 again.

I ain't trying to fuck no 16-year-old.

Well, you're 16, too, in my head.

Oh, you said you want some more head?

Ooh.

Ooh! Pat's back!

No, she ain't.

Come on now.

Stop worrying about Pat-Pat.

Oh, OK.

And keep your eyes focused on me.

Ooh, OK.

You don't hear that banging?

Who is interrupting my "16 and Pregnant" role play?

We need to get you into therapy.

I tried therapy once.

I got halfway through my life story

and the bitch tried to jump out the window.

Get off me. I gotta go get the door.

Inconsiderate knocking while I'm trying

to get my boots knocked.

Problematic pounding while I'm trying to go to Pound Town.

Elizabeth, what the--

Junebug.

What did he do?

Get jumped or something?

Hey, Auntie.

It's Taco Tuesday.

I know damn well you ain't drunk right now.

Ain't no party like a Bugjune party,

'cause the Junebug party don't--

Oh, God.

So he hit my tree with a car.

But don't worry.

My tree is fine.

Junebug doesn't have a car.

Yeah, it's not his car. It's--

Oh, God, no, no.

Yeah, it's Pat's car.

OK.

Let me get your phone.

- OK. - Thank you, baby.

I've got to call the funeral home.

Ohh.

♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

Wow!

Janelle, you're going to love it here, girl.

This place has got everything.

Yeah. For real.

Make me wish I went to damn college.

You know, I thought these kids at Hansberry

were going to be annoying like your ass,

but these some fly-ass Black people.

Girl, go work that damn room.

Dang, Mama, I am not here to work the room, OK?

This is not the Player's Club.

That's right.

The only thing you need to be working is your brain.

You see, Janelle, your brain is a muscle.

And while you're here in college, I--

Enough. OK?

The whole car ride was a "do what your Daddy say" podcast.

Please, stop.

That sounds like a freaky-ass podcast.

Well, baby, you about to go out

into this wild world on your own for the very first time.

It is my duty to share all of my fatherly wisdom with you.

And it's my duty to share all of my motherly wisdom with you.

If you get pregnant, I will kill all three of y'all.

OK.

I don't need any more wisdom.

I just need to fix my schedule that y'all messed up.

Uh, that was your mama.

What did I do?

You picked my classes behind my back.

I didn't do that.

Do I look like Boo Boo the Fool?

- Yeah, Boo Boo. - OK.

Janelle, baby, just refresh your website.

OK?

And just get all the classes that you want.

OK?

The website's still crashed.

God, I'm doomed.

Ohh.

Pick your head up, baby.

'Cause you can't see peer pressure coming

if you're crying.

You've got to keep your head on a swivel, like this.

Ha! Hoo, ha!

Huh?

Huh!

OK. All right, all right.

Hit 'em in the mouth!

Stop. Shut up.

OK. Come here.

Look, I have a great idea.

Why don't you guys go home and I'll take it from here?

Buh-bye.

Uh, we're not leaving yet, Janelle.

We haven't even seen your dorm room.

- Yeah. - And you won't.

Look around.

Do you see any other parents here?

Yeah, that old-ass nigga right there.

- That's a student. - Hell nah.

That nigga got a Motown face.

Drinking and driving in your mama's car.

What the hell were you thinking?

I'm an alcoholic, and I don't even do that shit.

Most I ever did was run over a stray cat or two.

One of those cats wasn't a stray.

You killed my Snowball.

Well, I thought the bitch had nine lives.

You probably ran over him eight times before me.

Junebug.

Junebug.

Junebug.

What's wrong with him?

He got a condition?

The only condition this dummy got is dumbfuckisitis.

He got liquored up and totaled his mama's car.

For real, for real?

No, I'm for play, for play.

Damn.

But this might be good news.

See, when Pat gets home, she gon' be so mad at him,

she ain't gon' give a damn about us being together.

Whoa. Wait.

Pat doesn't know you two are shucking corn?

What the fuck is shucking corn?

Corn tortillas.

Ooh!

Pat's back!

- Hey, baby. - Hey, Aunt Denise.

Um-- - OK.

Hey, what's up, Uncle Coke?

All right, see, you can't call me that no more.

I'm sober now.

OK, Uncle Coke Zero.

What are you doing here, anyway?

Figure it out quicker, Brandon.

Oh, so that's what you doing here.

OK, playa.

Hey, I saw Mom's car was wrecked outside.

Everybody all right?

No, Brandon, everybody is not all right.

Look at your brother.

The hell happened to him?

It's not registering.

Faster, Brandon!

- Oh, my God! - OK.

He got it.

Somebody hit Junebug with Mama's car!

Oh, he ain't got it.

Junebug wrecked the car.

And he was drunk.

Lit like Magic City on a Monday.

Wait. Are you for real?

If one more person asks me that, I swear I'ma stab 'em.

What are you doing?

I'm calling your mama.

Boy!

Are you trying to get my brother killed?

He's trying to get himself killed.

Give me-- give me the phone.

Boy, what the hell is wrong with you?

We need to teach Junebug a lesson ourselves.

We do not need to involve Mama and turn this whole house

into a crime scene. - OK.

Well, your mama already kicked me out once

for not snitching on her kids,

and I'm not gonna let that shit happen again.

Do you hear me, Brandon?

OK?

Because I have waited years for Janelle's room,

and I finally got my own bed.

And I finally got my own space.

And I got me a nigga who's gon' eat this coochie.

OK?

In a matching kimono!

And you are not gon' screw this up for me.

Ah, "eat this coochie"!

Damn, this line taking forever.

Yeah.

Next up.

What you looking at, boy?

Uh-huh.

What did I tell you in the car?

Dusty books, not dusty boys.

Say it with me, Janelle.

How about dusty parents get in there dusty car

and go dusty home? - Oh, really?

I can't take this no more.

I've got to get to the front of the line.

Ma, just don't make a scene. OK?

Girl, I'm an actress.

All I do is scenes.

I thought it was a porno.

Say what?

It was a film.

I got that shit, bitch.

Get your "Kenan & Kel" lookin' ass out of here.

Thank you so much for saving my spot in line.

I sure appreciate you.

Hello?

Hey.

Bitch, you lying.

They raiding the dorms?

They raiding the dorms?

Hell nah.

They looking for weed?

I told you I was gon' get us up here.

This is a nightmare.

Oh, honey, she's just doing the most because she's

scared of losing you.

This is just her way of showing it.

Give her some grace, huh?

Fine.

I guess you're right.

At least I got one sane parent.

- Mint? - Oh, yeah.

Sure.

And it was a roofie.

You're dead.

Junebug.

Man, that's a fine-ass white girl!

Where?

All right, so y'all said that Pat and Terry was

with Janelle at school, right?

So that's a big trip for a parent.

Maybe Brandon's right, and you shouldn't bother them

with all this drama today.

OK, OK. You're not wrong.

And I'm not hiding it if I let them choke his ass out

when they get back. - That's true.

But that ain't enough for me.

I'm still trying to watch this little boy squirm.

What do you mean?

What I mean is I did some stuff in my teen years,

but I've never been dumb enough to drink and drive.

Well, that's true, but you've been dumb enough

for everything else.

Look.

He needs to know how serious this is.

He could have killed himself.

Or somebody else.

I'm finna tear these tacos up.

Your ass ain't eating no damn tacos, Junebug!

Look at his ass.

Sleeping like his shit don't stink.

Well, he only act that way cause there hasn't been

any real consequences for him.

He'll grow out of this.

Exactly. He's a teenager.

He's just feeling like he's untouchable right now.

Ooh, I remember when we felt like untouchable teenagers

about an hour ago.

Look.

He needs to learn his lesson before it's too late.

And I'm tired of these Blue Cross kids

getting better coverage.

Y'all know what I meant.

Look. He gone.

When he wakes up, he ain't gon' remember none of this.

Ooh, that's it. I got it.

What?

I need a bottle of ketchup and a beer.

Ketchup and a beer?

Weird time for a hot dog, bruh.

OK.

Well, tell us what you're thinking.

No, I got a genius idea, and you're just gonna

have to trust my intelligence.

Yes.

both: Nigga, tell us what you're thinking.

Oh, shit!

Next.

Hey, young lady.

I'm a psychic, and your mother just died.

Mom, that is too far.

What? She gon' be happy as hell

when her dead mama answer that phone.

By the time she makes it to the front, the only classes

that are gonna be left are going to be the ones

that she picked out.

I'm gonna wind up majoring in leisure studies,

or worse, spades.

Oh, no. I'm gonna flop.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, baby, just breathe.

OK?

You guys just give me so much anxiety.

I'm sorry, baby.

Here, have a drink.

Ahh!

Roofied again.

Dad.

You're on a college campus now.

You just can't accept some drink

from some strange man, girl.

I didn't.

I accepted it from my father.

How do you know I'm me?

Argh!

I'm gonna get kicked out of my fallback school,

me, Janelle Carson, me, the Janelle Carson.

Hey, is everything all right?

No, not really.

I-- I can't get into any of the classes that I wanted.

Damn, that sucks.

And I just heard that all the top-tier

classes are already full.

One second.

OK. Dramatic.

Look.

It can't be that bad, right?

All right, what course do you need?

Black Women's Literature.

Ooh, I'll see what I can do.

But the guy who teaches that is supposed to be brilliant.

Actually, it's one of the most popular courses on the campus.

Between me and you, I heard the waitlist got a waitlist.

It's crazy.

That's pretty sad.

Why is that?

I mean, come on.

That's kind of cringe--

a man teaching Black Women's Literature?

Uh, no.

Actually, I think more men should lift up

literature not written by men.

That's like taking a music class from a deaf person.

You do know Beethoven was deaf, right?

And besides that, I think Black men know a little more

about Black women than that.

OK.

Well, then I guess I'm part of the minority,

but I'd rather get my information

from the horse's mouth.

Oh.

So Black women are horses now.

OK. - No, that's--

OK.

All I'm saying is, I bet a Black woman could teach

Black Women's Literature, say the exact same things

as this brilliant man, and she still would not need

a waitlist for her waitlist.

Well, I would argue that that's society's problem

and not the teacher's. - OK.

Then I would say that I don't care what society says.

I'm sorry.

I don't want to interrupt you, but, um, I got you in.

Wait. What?

Mm-hmm.

- Into the class? - Yeah.

How did you even--

Because I teach it.

Hi, I'm Professor Christian DeWalt,

and you are the Janelle--

Janelle Carson.

Yeah.

It's great to meet you, Janelle.

I'll see you on Monday in class.

OK?

And, uh, here's to hoping I can change your mind.

I'm sorry.

You got a little something.

Of course. Thanks.

It's yours.

Y'all, I-- I--

What's wrong, Junebug?

I-- I-- I--

I think-- I think I might have crashed Mom's car.

Say it ain't so, Bug.

Yeah, I think it's so.

I'ma go look.

You smell that?

I think it's cologne.

Smells like Cognac Number 5.

Mm-hmm.

I'm getting it now. Yep.

Smell like Hennessy mixed with puberty.

Yes, I smell it too.

Who is that?

I'm sober, so I know it ain't me that smell like yac.

Well, it couldn't be me because I

only drink Costco wine.

June--

Junebug, tell me you weren't drinking and driving.

Not at the same time.

Are you kidding me?

It was-- it was just a couple of drinks with the fellas.

You know, something to take the edge off.

Take the edge off what?

You don't pay no damn bills.

Well, neither do you.

Shut your drunk ass up.

Junebug, where did this tricycle come from?

Oh, my God.

Did you hit a kid? - I don't know.

I-- I--

You don't think he's the one who hit little Timmy, do you?

Who the hell is little Timmy?

Oh, you mean it must be Junebug who hit Timmy.

- Yes. - Wait.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm, um--

Oh, he's-- he's with me.

Yeah, um, we were in my bed when I--

when I heard you.

Yes, I heard you mow down that kid.

Oh, Junebug.

Junebug, Junebug, you interrupted an amazing time.

She's only acting.

Don't blow the plan. - OK.

I'm good. I'm chilling.

I'm calm. She acting.

Count your days, bitch.

Look on the bright side, little bro.

All we know is that you splattered

little Timmy's guts all over the road with Mom's car.

But we don't know if he's dead yet, so just cheer up.

Wait.

Are y'all telling me that I might have killed a kid?

Well, we didn't know you were the one that hit little Timmy.

Yeah.

I mean, we all just got back from the hospital,

and he was hooked up to one of those machines

that go beep, beep.

Except little Timmy's machine wasn't working so good.

There was a lot of pauses between those beeps.

Oh, no.

Beep.

I didn't even get to live a full life yet.

Beep.

I mean, I've only had sex five times.

Beep.

I didn't even hit double digits.

There, there.

OK.

All right, so my girl is on her way.

We're really about to scare the shit out of him now.

Girlfriend?

Yeah, the one that I moved in with.

Brandon, how your little girlfriend

going to help this situation? - OK. Look.

Her name is Sheila, Detective Sheila.

My baby's a cop.

Oh, hell no, a real one?

Yeah.

Brandon, you fucking 12?

Don't you bring no damn detective's ass over here.

It's a good plan.

Too late. Showtime.

Oh, my gosh.

Who could that be at a time like this?

Yeah. Is this the Carson residence?

So that's Brandon's new girlfriend?

I know he called her baby, but that bitch ain't

been a baby in a long time.

Yeah, there is definitely an age gap.

Well, something tells me that's not the gap

that Brandon's interested in.

Um, babe, I mean, Officer Babe.

Detective.

Detective. - Oh.

Yeah.

How may we help you?

Yeah.

I'm looking for a first name June, last name Bug.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

That's the hit-and-run suspect we were looking for.

What? Nah.

Nope. Can't be.

Wasn't me.

Oh, that's the-- that's the story you're going with?

Because our sketch artist came up with this.

Y'all see it. Y'all see it.

Y'all see it. You see it.

You see it, right? You see it.

See it. You see it.

OK.

Can you hold it still, please? - Oh, no.

That's Junebug.

I saw it. - She saw.

You ain't lying your way out of this one, Bug.

Detective, can you please tell us if the kid

that Junebug hit while drunk driving with no license,

in the car that he stole from his mama is dead?

The kid that Junebug hit while drunk driving

with no license, in the car that he stole from his mama,

is dead. - Oh!

What?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

No way, man!

Oh, no.

You had a will, and you made a way, man.

Timmy is dead.

Oh, no, not Timmy!

Whew! - Oh, yeah.

And I've got to take you in.

Oh, no!

No.

Not our Junebug.

My baby.

Baby.

Look on the bright side, Junebug.

At least you're gonna reach those double digits--

in jail.

OK.

Ha-ha.

Y'all are funny, man.

This-- this is a joke, right?

Oh, you think Timmy's death is a joke?

Man, turn around and put your hands behind your back.

Let's go. - What?

No. - My God.

Just do what she says, Bug.

But wait.

But I didn't-- it was--

Brandon, you didn't say nothing about me running.

Uh, you might want to go catch that little nigga.

I got you.

Glad you're in a better mood, Janelle.

Because I charmed our way to the front of the line,

like I said I would?

Charmed?

You bullied your way to the front

and signed me up for Soul Food Studies.

Girl, the last time you tried to fry chicken,

that shit was so bloody I had to put a tampon in it.

Uh, is this the right room?

Oh, hey.

You must be Janelle.

And you must be done lost your goddamn mind.

Mama, I got it.

I got it.

Yeah, I'm Janelle.

You must be Dussy?

D'ussé, like the drink.

Her mama was an alcoholic.

OK.

I see you started decorating.

Wow.

It looks so-- wow.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

I thought you wasn't coming.

Well, we're here now, little girl.

This bed situation is a fire hazard.

You're going to light up one of them blunts, and then boom.

Y'all both dead.

What that got to do with the bed?

What you doing smoking weed anyway?

This is "medincil."

I've got HGTV. - Huh?

And I got whip-ass says put my baby bed back.

You are not king coochie up in here.

Mom.

No, Janelle.

This dorm shit is like jail.

You've got to establish your domain.

My mama said the same thing.

The fuck is wrong with you?

And where is you from?

Atlanta.

Oh, cool.

So are we.

We from Riverdale.

That's not Atlanta.

But yeah, my daddy used to play for the Falcons.

Do your daddy know he your daddy?

OK. All right.

I'm sorry, D'ussé, she is only like

this every second of every day.

You don't got to apologize for shit.

Your mama raw, and I'm here for it.

You crazy, girl.

I love you.

She gonna be on my TikTok.

OK. Look.

Did you not see her throw that lesbian shit up at you?

She trying to eat us, bitch.

Just go. Just go.

Get your ass out of here.

Don't eat my baby. - Come on.

Come on.

Don't you let that girl get you in trouble.

Mama, I won't.

Will you two trust that you did a good job raising me?

Is that a compliment to you or us?

Both.

Look.

I know who I am, and I'm confident in that.

I know right from wrong.

And sometimes I'm still gonna make the wrong choices,

but I always have my dad's voice

in the back of my head saying,

"What do we talk about, Janelle?"

And I'll choose better.

Well, that means everything, baby.

And I know how to speak up for myself,

because I learned from somebody who doesn't

know how to stop talking.

Ma, you all right?

Your roommate got me high as hell.

Come here.

You guys did a great job raising me, OK?

But it's time to let me go.

Shit.

You good, Pat?

Fuck her.

She made me cry.

Let go.

We ain't gonna never let you go, baby.

But we always gonna lift you up.

No, really. Let go.

I can't breathe.

Let go, Terry!

You're squeezing my side titty!

Oh, that's what that is?

Damn.

Our little girl is going off to college.

Yeah.

Our last one.

What about Junebug?

both: Our last one.

I got him.

He still ain't faster than his big brother.

I'm drunk, and I haven't slept in 24 hours.

Congratulations on catching me.

Ah, he's sassy.

Take his ass in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. OK.

Wait. Detective, please.

I can't go to jail.

Do you hear me? - Yes.

You just said, "I can't go to jail."

Thank you.

I'm still taking your ass to jail.

No.

Come on, y'all.

You see me?

I can't go in there.

They're gonna pass me around like a bong.

Nah, boo. OK.

One, you've got to stop lying to yourself, OK?

Because you're cute, not fine.

And then, two-- and this gon' be real hard for you to hear--

booty stuff gonna happen to you.

Why would you do something this stupid, Junebug?

I don't know.

I've just been feeling depressed lately.

Well, everybody's depressed, but driving and drinking--

what were you thinking?

Oh, I rhymed there.

Bars.

What's going on with you, bro?

I got sad about Janelle leaving.

OK?

I miss her.

I know we fight, and we argue, but--

She gets me.

And I ain't never lived a day of life without her, so--

And now she's gone.

And, B, you just moved out.

The whole house is different.

I'm the only one left.

And I know y'all just think I'm some screw up.

And I definitely can't do nothing that Janelle is doing.

But-- - Nah, come here.

Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here.

I didn't mean for that to happen.

I know. I know. I know.

I know. - I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. - I know. I know.

It's going to be all right. Don't cry.

Now, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you

because you really did a stupid thing.

But this mistake is not who you are.

Yeah.

And look, if it makes you feel any better,

you didn't actually kill nobody.

Don't try to make me feel be--

what?

Yeah, yeah, we were all just trying to teach you a lesson.

Surprise.

Yeah. Timmy ain't dead.

I mean, the only thing real is that

tig ol' biddy on your forehead.

Are y'all fuckin' kidding me?

Damn.

Junebug done said "fuckin'."

He mad mad.

You people are sick.

Whoa.

Who are you calling "you people"?

And you had to learn.

Did you see what you did to your mother's car?

Why do you care?

I don't even know you.

I care because you could have killed yourself.

Whose mans is this?

Because I-- I'm not understanding.

Y'all really had me feeling bad for going on a little joyride,

taking Mom's car, and getting a little drunk, which is, uh--

this is some bullshit, man.

Watch your fuckin' mouth.

And you stole my car?

Hey, Ma.

Hell no.

Are you the one that did that shit to my car out there?

Y'all better start talking.

See, I was upstairs--

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

One at a time, please.

OK.

I sent a voicemail about this at 9:47 a.m.

so that y'all couldn't kick me out of the house.

But, yes, Junebug went on a drunken joyride

and totaled your car.

Without Denise's permission.

Thanks, boo.

You know I got you.

But-- but Timmy isn't dead.

Who the fuck is Timmy?

And why the fuck are you in my house, Kareem?

Bruh, see, I was in town visiting Denise.

Get the fuck out my house!

I'll see you at the hotel.

OK, baby.

Terry, how you doing?

Go.

Wait for me.

I don't want to watch any of this.

You ain't slick, bitch.

Just gon' wait for him to pull out.

OK?

10, 9, 8.

OK, bye. - OK.

Have you lost your fuckin' mind?

Do you know what could have happened to you, boy?

Do you know you could have killed somebody?

- He actually did for a-- - OK.

All right.

Now, we already taught him a lesson.

Yeah.

And I promise I'll never do it again.

You bet your monkey ass you won't.

Are you a real police officer?

Actually, she's my--

- Not now, Brandon. - Yes, ma'am.

I'm Detective Sheila Jackson.

And Junebug really isn't under arrest.

I was just here to teach him a lesson.

That's all.

Well, if you're a real police officer,

I need you to really arrest him right now.

Whoa. I'm sorry?

Pat, are you serious?

Denise, we're both serious.

Arrest-- officer, please arrest him.

But he's your son.

My son don't make choices like this.

My son don't steal cars.

My son wouldn't put his life

and nobody else's life in danger.

My son isn't the person

standing in this room right now.

Come on, y'all.

This is too much, right? - OK.

Everybody just stop.

All right?

Now, that is a kid.

And, Pat, you've been to jail, so you know what that's like.

We supposed to be giving our kids a better life.

So why are you fuckin' up his future like this?

I didn't fuck up his future, Denise.

He did.

Officer, this nigga stole my car,

and I want him arrested.

If you won't arrest him, I will call an officer who will.

All right, all right.

Come on, Junebug. Let's go.

- Wait. - Hey, hey.

- Ma. - Let's go.

Please, don't do this.

God, Dad!

Come on!

Stop resisting!

I said I'm sorry. It was an accident.

Hold still, Junebug.

- Dad, this is not-- - Hold still.

Hold still and shut up!

- Let's go. - But--

Don't you say nothing else.

Go.

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ With a husband and kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪