Original subtitles

Do you remember the last time you lied?

Look at your lying ass.

You about to lie right now, ain't ya?

See, we think lying is gonna spare people feelings,

but it's only gonna make shit worse.

The quicker you get to the truth,

the quicker that foot can get out of your ass.

Thank y'all. I've been Ms. Pat.

Good night.

Yes, you killed it tonight, Pat-Pat.

I mean, I could have done without the extra ten minutes

on your freeloading sister, but, you know...

Oh, my God, that's him.

Here he comes. Think skinny thoughts.

Here who come?

Sadiq Shay, the big-time film director.

He did that movie about those mutant civil rights leaders.

Is that the dude that made "Malcolm X-Men"?

Yes, and so I comped him a ticket

to come see you shine tonight, because you've been saying

you want to do more with your career.

So you're welcome.

I'm supposed to thank you for costing me a ticket sale?

Where the hell you meet a big-time director

at anyway, Denise?

I saw him on the news, and he said he was looking

for talent and extras in the area.

So I slid in his DMs, and I said,

"I manage a big talent who's definitely extra."

Greetings, Nubian queens.

Any nigga say "queen" is full of bullshit.

Oh, well, I'm sorry. I don't shake hands.

Queen don't always mean clean.

I'm Sadiq.

Hi, I'm Denise.

Hilarious.

- You are everything that your-- - Manager.

You are everything that your little manager

said you would be--

funny, smart, relatable.

And I mean, God damn, look at you.

The fuck you looking at?

She don't turn it off, does she?

Turn it off, big sexy!

Turn it off!

Oh, wow.

I mean, can't you see this face on primetime TV?

Primetime lineup.

Uh, I've been in a police lineup.

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

I'm so serious, Ms. Pat.

We should do something together.

Hell yeah, y'all should.

I'm no damn actress.

That's her acting like she can't act.

I mean, I don't know if she told you about my next project,

but it's nothing like my other work.

Good, 'cause didn't you put Rosa Parks in a damn cape?

That was some stupid shit right there.

- Oh, she joking? - Yes!

Oh, she joking.

Turn it off!

Oh, my God.

No, for my next film, I'm on my Spike Lee,

Kathleen Collins, you know,

Oscar Micheaux type shit.

You know, this shit finna be my magnum opus right here.

What the fuck that nigga just say?

I don't know, but act like you do.

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

Oh.

* Come on, it's time to go *

* It's the "Ms. Pat Show" *

Come on, Pat.

Pat, you got to take the part.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Damn it, this is your fourth

once-in-a-lifetime opportunity this week.

Oh, so now I'm crazy for trying to get us paid?

This is a movie we talking about, Pat.

You getting movie offers now?

Oh, my God.

You about to be a extra on "Peppa Pig," ain't you?

Oh, man.

I can see it now-- me walking the red carpet,

me posing with fans,

me with a crippling addiction to both fame and cocaine.

Y'all say what's up to my mama, the future movie star.

Junebug got one ball!

And cut.

I'm gonna start calling you Uno.

No, no, no, Draw Two.

Oh, wait, never mind. You can't.

Ignoring you both.

So what's up, Ma? They got a part for your boy?

You know I've been working out, so nudity is not an issue.

Well, if you take him, you gotta take me.

I mean, my muscles are popping bigger than

tig ol' bitties up in Mardi Gras.

See that?

Okay, Niecy, since you the only one who got some sense,

can you please convince your mama

to do this movie so we can blow up

and move out of West Bumbafuck?

They want you in a movie?

Have they heard you read out loud?

Would you like for me to backhand you again?

Plus, actors ain't nothing but a bunch of damn liars.

I can't do that.

Well, that's easy, Pat,

'cause you're still a Christian, right?

- Yeah. - See? Acting.

Yeah, Mama, and when has not knowing how to do something

ever stopped you before?

Yeah, I mean, look at all these kids you raised.

And clearly, you didn't know nothing about that.

Denise, if you done gave that man my address,

you better find your new address.

both: Surprise!

Oh, Grandpapa.

Oh, hell nah.

No, no, no, no, no.

That nigga too big to be this sensitive.

Are you listening to me?

Did you invite them?

Yes, for Janelle graduation next week,

but I didn't know they old ass was gonna show up early.

Man, I ain't got nothing to say to that woman.

"That woman," Terry?

Really? That's your mama.

You act like she's some loose booty bitch off the streets.

Well, her booty is loose, but--

Exactly.

She cheated.

And she hid her lie with an even bigger lie

about who my father was.

I mean, she did apologize.

How long you gonna hold this bullshit over her head?

Oh, please. Girl, you stayed mad at me

for months about that lady in HR.

Oh, fuck you and that ho.

I want her out of this house, Pat.

Baby, you got to let that hurt go, okay?

Are you really gonna make Janelle graduation

shitty and all intense?

No, baby, you're right.

Well, fix it.

I'm starting to feel sorry for her ass,

and I don't even like her.

What's on your mind?

I ain't never hear you care at all about my mama.

I got an audition to be in a movie.

Hey, superstar.

That's amazing news, girl, and you sitting here pouting?

Shoot, come on now.

I'm just scared, baby.

Huh. All right.

The fuck are you doing?

I'm--I'm just seeing if you are who you really are,

'cause my wife ain't scared of nothing or nobody, hmm?

I'll tell you what.

If you promise to do the audition,

I'll promise to talk to my mama.

Fine.

But you gonna have to at least hug the old bitch.

As long as you hug her first.

She can die.

Hey. Okay.

So Sadiq already loves your look and your attitude.

He just sent over a little practice scene,

and all we got to do is show him you got the chops.

All right, ladies, let's do this.

We're losing daylight.

We inside.

Ma, are you ready for hair and makeup?

I already did my hair and makeup.

Let's save the jokes till I yell "action."

And is this the set we're going with?

It's very indie.

Calm down, Quentin Tara-negro.

This is not a game, Auntie, okay?

I am a professional filmmaker.

On TikTok.

And you do hair in the kitchen.

All right, let's try one.

We're rolling.

And action.

Don't you move another inch!

She explode.

I'll move however the fuck I want to,

you bitch.

Who are you calling a bitch, bitch?

Now put your hands on the wall and spread 'em!

She explode again.

Uh, Ma.

You don't have to say it.

You just act it.

- Oh, okay. - All right.

A-and what if I don't?

Uh, and what if I don't?

That's what I thought, ho.

This is really bad.

I'm trying to work with it, but it just ain't--

it ain't even really going anywhere.

All right. Cut.

Ladies, what are we doing?

Too damn much.

No, Pat.

I'm getting in character, and maybe you should try it.

I mean, you're just so stiff.

You got to, you know, loosen up.

Let me crack your back.

Ahh!

Now--

now you're good and relaxed, right?

You ready? It ain't nothing but two lines.

Yeah, Ma, think back to those Rabbit days.

Channel that energy.

Oh, you know what, son?

That's some good-ass direction.

- Okay. - It's what I do, babe.

All right.

Let's try this again.

We're rolling.

And action.

Don't you move another inch!

I'll move if I want to, you bitch!

Who you calling a bitch, bitch?

Now put your hands on the wall and spread 'em.

And if I don't, what you gonna do?

Looking like "The Grinch Stole Christmas," nigga!

You funky feet-ass hoe!

We improving?

I didn't know we was improving.

Cut.

Now that was good, Ma.

Made me pee myself a little bit.

Ahh!

For real?

Yeah, a couple drops.

Oh, that was good, real good.

Yeah, almost too good, Pat.

You know my damn feet ain't funky.

Send that to me when you're done, Bug.

So what now?

Well, it's the hurry-up-and-wait game.

I mean, you know how these Hollyweird types are.

It could be days. It could be weeks.

Holy shit, Pat-Pat.

So do you want to pay me my commission

in fiddies or hunnids?

What are you talking about?

You got the part!

I got the part!

You the shit!

I'm the shit! You ain't shit!

Just so ungrateful, Ma. I--

Oh.

Oh, thank y'all.

No problem.

Hey, you know what, y'all?

I'm starting to think directing might be my calling.

Plus, I got 762 followers who agree.

Huh, okay.

761.

760 'cause I don't fuck with you, either.

Y'all unfollowing me.

You need to be following AARP.

Well, Grandma and Grandpa are all checked into their hotel.

Happy, Dad?

Major booked that hotel weeks ago.

I ain't never tell them they couldn't stay here.

No, but every five minutes, you clapped your hands

and said, "Well, I guess it's about that time."

Yeah, Pop, I would never kick you out of my house.

I don't live in your basement.

Dad, you can't ignore your mother forever.

Believe me, I've tried.

Bet you I can do it better than you.

Uh, okay. That's fine.

Just keep running away from your problems.

Hey, look, I'm not ignoring my problems, okay?

I'm just taking a slight speed walk.

Okay, but, Pop, take it from somebody

that's dealing with their own daddy drama right now.

What is it, son?

I was thinking of something positive to say.

I'ma get back with you. I'm still thinking.

Dad, can y'all just settle this like adults, please?

Baby girl, it ain't that simple.

You don't know how it feels for your parents to lie to you.

both: We don't?

Well, this is my favorite lie.

I ain't got no McDonald's money,

yet we pulling right into Popeye's.

What about this one?

Your vagina gonna fall off if you use it.

Mm-hmm.

Mama be telling me the exact same thing.

What?

Those are little lies.

What your grandmother told was a brutal, bold-faced lie.

Dad, but aren't you a Christian?

And doesn't the Bible say forgive each other

as the Lord has forgiven you?

My mama ain't in the Bible.

Okay, you know what?

I am ordering food, and I'm inviting them over for dinner.

Wait a minute. With what money, girl?

Yours, duh. Here's the credit card, sis.

- Thanks, Daddy. - What in the hell?

Oh, Pops.

Huh?

If you want to be somebody,

if you want to go somewhere,

- you better wake up-- - Boy.

But that was the positive thing I was gonna tell you.

There is always some crazy drama going on.

Yeah, I hear that.

Hello?

Yeah, this is him.

What?

Wait, you serious?

No, no, no, no, no, that's amazing.

I was just taken off guard, that's all.

No, thank you.

Appreciate it.

What? What's the good news?

Oh, you know, my dad--

I mean Lloyd, you know, he was sick,

but I think he's gonna be all right now.

Hmm.

What it smell like, Bug?

What?

Her ass, since you all up in it.

It wasn't that.

She just looked real familiar.

I recognize her from something.

Of course you do.

It's a movie set.

You gonna be seeing plenty of actresses.

Oh, Ms. Pat.

You ready to be a star?

I can't lie, I thought I was gonna hate this,

but I'm so glad I'm here.

I'm excited!

Good. Let's get your contract signed and get you to the back.

I can show your room so you can get dressed, all right?

Ooh, I got a room.

Not on this budget. You got curtains.

I got curtains.

I got curtains.

Junebug, get me some coffee, and don't you touch shit

or talk to no-fucking-body.

I'll be back.

Ooh.

What's up, kid?

Oh, nothing.

Just here learning all I can.

I want to be a film director when I grow up.

Hey, as a matter of fact, you think I could ask you--

Oh, hell no.

I don't do shit with no kids.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just here observing.

And that's supposed to be better?

I think you got it confused.

See, my mama brought me here to watch.

Oh, damn, that's fucked up.

Wait, wait, wait.

Take your hat off for me.

Oh, man. I knew it.

You're Eddie Rhett.

I've seen all your stuff--

the one where you put your foot on that lady's head,

"The Nutting Professor."

That's some of my best work right there.

I call that move Standing on Business.

All right.

Yo, I'm surprised they even let you on set, man.

You 18?

Not quite, but my mom is acting today.

Oh, really? Who's your mom?

- Ms. Pat. - That's your mom?

Oh, shit.

I'm about to do a scene with her later.

Sorry, kid.

Hey, Bug.

I can't remember when the last time

I seen your mom this happy.

It's like she's living a dream.

Um, Auntie, uh, I--

I think we better get out of here.

What you talking about, Junebug?

This--this ain't a movie-movie like--

like--like "Black Panther."

This--this is an adult movie like--

like "Riding Black Panther."

No, Junebug.

Sadiq makes legitimate movies.

Yeah, with people legitimately

having sex in them.

Junebug, listen to me.

You is not about to fuck up my--

I mean yo mama's money.

Okay? All right?

Now Sadiq, he's a-- he's a artist,

and this ain't no daggone porno.

Hey, yo.

Anybody out here seen my penis pump?

Damn, son, you didn't have to do all this.

I should have packed up my backup stomach.

You ain't slick, Terry.

If we eat all this food,

our mouths are too full to talk, right?

Mama, you always twisting things around, aren't you?

Even a nice gesture like dinner becomes some sort of--

- Excuse me? - Dang, Terry.

Come on, man.

Don't put shit where there ain't no stink.

She's just trying to lighten a delicate situation.

You're right.

I'm sorry about that, Mama.

It's okay, baby.

Um, Brandon, you guys,

we're gonna give them the room.

No, no, no.

No, sit.

I want us to have a nice meal together.

Well, that's a nice thought, baby, but I think you and I

need to have a chat in private.

All due respect, Mama, anything you can say to me,

you can say to my kids.

And all due respect back at ya,

I think it's inappropriate to involve everyone else

in our personal squabble.

God damn it, my legs can't take this shit.

Yeah, my thighs burning like I got a whooping.

Come on, y'all.

Y'all know Brandon blew his knees out

when he was stripping.

Look, we gonna give you two the room,

and you gonna have to tell me what you was doing

when you was ho-ing.

Hey, um, should I knock if I want seconds

or should I double up right now?

Come on, ho.

What are we gonna do?

What you mean, what we gonna do?

I'm gonna tell my mama.

Wait!

We can't do that.

And why not?

Because, Bug, this woman has fought

so many fears and insecurities to get here.

I can't let her think it was all for nothing.

Okay, well, you got to tell her, Auntie.

I will, but, first, I need to get you off this set

'cause I'm sure your being here is

breaking some kind of law,

and we can't risk TMZ finding out.

TMZ?

She got to make it to "Hollywood Unlocked" first.

And look, I will be fine, okay?

I was just working in a whorehouse

last week selling cupcakes.

I'm good.

And plus, I even got to ask one of the actresses

some questions back in her dressing room,

and she showed me--

She showed you what?

You know what? You right.

You--this--this has been traumatizing for me,

and I don't--I don't know how

- I'ma sleep tonight. - Mm-hmm.

Covered in tissues, probably.

Hey, Sadiq.

Hey, there she is.

Our superstar ready to go?

- Well, about that. - Everything all right?

I hope so. Eddie just did his pump.

Yeah, well, see, here's the thing.

As much as I would like to stay and see that thang swang,

I don't think Pat is right for this type of film.

What you mean, "this type of film"?

- Well, ain't this is a porno? - What?

Ew! No!

Oh, niggas are so ignorant.

No. No. No.

This is a subversive look at society,

sex, and the human pathos.

We are looking at the reality of what it means to be a MILF.

And when you rearrange the word "MILF,"

it spells "film."

And that is what we are making here.

We are making a film.

Art.

Okay. She's married, Sadiq.

And I ate a sandwich this morning.

How the fuck is that relevant?

Get her ass out here, or I will make sure she never

works in this town again, okay?

Well, nigga, this is Gary, Indiana.

So I think she gonna be fine.

Yeah.

You're so right. I don't know why I'm tripping.

Let me just call my lawyer real quick so I can sue

your ass for breach of contract.

Hello, lawyer.

We can't afford a lawsuit.

Hi, honey.

Your mom doesn't have to do the movie.

- Thank God. - Mm-hmm.

But now if she doesn't do the movie,

he gonna sue us into the poorhouse.

Dang, from the whorehouse to the poorhouse.

I am closer to the end of my life, Terry,

than the beginning.

And I will not spend another minute with the time I have

left with you being mad at me.

So once again, it's all about you.

I'm just trying to apologize.

"Sorry" don't make your lies go away, Mama.

I lied because I was ashamed, baby.

I was trying to protect you.

You weren't lying to protect me, Mama.

You were lying to protect yourself.

Why can't both of those things be true?

'Cause they aren't.

Parents just do what they know, Terry.

I am your mama, but I am also a human.

And I had aches and pains long before

you stepped foot on this Earth.

I'm allowed to make mistakes.

Yes, Mama, you are allowed to make mistakes,

but you're not allowed to make me pay for them, all right?

Now does that make you as bad as Dad was?

No, it does not.

But it sure as hell don't make you no saint.

I needed you to step between us, Mama.

I cried myself to sleep at night wondering

why you wouldn't do that for me.

You don't know what I was doing when you weren't looking.

Major was hurt back then.

We were all hurt, including your sisters.

And all of that hurt was misplaced.

You know, you never understood

what I went through until after I left.

When I wasn't the thing

that he attacked,

he started attacking you, right?

Yes, and that's why-- that's why I left

his ass after all those years.

Until now.

But he's better. I'm better.

And I hate that my lies is stopping you

from getting to your own better.

If I could take back all the hurt, baby, I would.

I love you, Terry.

I love you more than life itself.

And I love you, Mama.

But love ain't never made hurt go away.

I know that.

I know--

Nigga!

I'm sorry, but I'm hungry.

Shit, I'm hungry too.

Jules, have you told him yet?

We hungry.

Told me what?

What now? You ain't his mama?

Brandon!

You are his mama, though, right?

You want to see my stretch marks?

Ooh, talk dirty to me, baby.

What do you have to tell me now, Mama?

I have actually made some headway in finding your father.

Hold--hold on. What are you saying?

After all of this, are you--

you saying you finally found him?

Here you go, baby.

That's it, huh?

Yeah, that's that bitch-ass nigga.

Thought I'd never get the chance.

Now that I got it, I don't even know if I want the chance.

Well, baby, whatever you decide,

you have our full support.

And that means everything from here on out.

I love you, Mama.

I love you.

Brandon, are you crying?

This just gives me hope about my own trauma.

- Oh, come here, Brandon. - Oh, Daddy.

It's all right.

I'm just glad you not a ho anymore.

Yeah.

Sadiq?

Hey, I talked it over with my client,

yeah, and unfortunately, it's gonna be a hell no,

but we want to give you all your money back

- with no questions. - I don't want no money.

I'm already richer than you, Brokerella.

Excuse me, nigga?

I got money.

Okay, well, clearly it all went

to your ketchup-and-mustard couture.

Listen, I'm not interested in a refund, all right?

I'm interested in a star, and that star is Pat, okay?

Now is big sexy gonna do the scene,

or is her house gonna get ready for a lien?

Which one? Which one? Which one?

Sadiq?

Yes, yes, yes?

Look. Okay, listen.

I got a few more good years left in the girls,

all right?

So what if I flash a little titty to the camera.

Will we be good then?

'Cause, you know--

What you looking for?

Somebody who actually want to see your titties.

Ms. Pat, what's going on?

Your manager over here says you don't want to do my film?

Pat, just listen to me.

Why would you tell him that?

I love this shit.

These niggas all treat me like a star.

And "these niggas" she speaks of is me.

I'm these niggas. So what's the problem?

Nothing. Let's shoot this shit.

Let's shoot this shit.

Let's make magic!

Pat, trust me. You do not want to do this.

You spent all that time trying

to convince me to do this. Now that I'm doing it,

you don't think I can do it, do you?

You don't think I can act.

That's not it, Pat.

All right, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Pat, I just--I really--

Please get out of my frame, Manager Brokerella.

Thank you.

She's going. She's going. She's gone.

All right.

Count your money.

And action.

Ooh.

Oh, shit.

Don't you move another inch.

I'll move if I want to, you bitch.

Oh, who are you calling a bitch, bitch?

Put your hands on the wall and spread 'em.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't spread.

- It's a wrap. - Watch out.

My mama ain't spreading nothing.

Cut!

What the fuck are y'all doing?

That man trying to put his foot on your head, Mama.

What?

Pat, I'm so sorry that I got you into this.

What the hell is happening? What the hell is happening?

If y'all don't go sit the fuck down and let me act!

I'm sorry, Sadiq.

Get the fuck out of here.

both: We ain't going nowhere.

Get the fuck out of there!

- We ready. - You ready?

Stupid-ass family.

Stupid-ass family.

All right, here we go.

All right, everybody set?

We're rolling.

Count your money!

Action!

Ooh.

Oh, shit!

Don't you move another inch.

I'll move if I want to, you bitch.

Who are you calling a bitch, bitch?

Put your hands on the wall and spread 'em.

And if I don't?

Well, I got money that says that you do.

And I like my women...old.

Nigga, put your goddamn dick up.

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is going on, Sadiq?

He's just doing the scene, Pat.

He's just doing the scene.

I didn't read nothing about no damn bald dick.

Pat, that's what we was trying to tell you.

Yeah, Ma.

- This man, Sadiq, is a fuh-reak. - What?

Did anybody read the damn script?

I read my part.

It never said nothing about no light-skinned bald dick.

You ain't read page 56?

You trying to trick us into doing a porno.

This is not a porno!

Like, oh, my gosh.

Then why are these people out here fucking like acrobats?

I know damn well y'all not over there fucking right now.

- Yeah. - Turn it off!

- Sorry, Sadiq. - Turn it off!

Just rehearsing the next scene.

You want me to take the ball dust off?

What the fuck is ball dust?

- It's candy. - It makes them taste better.

Candy on balls, Sadiq?

Young people always making up shit.

When you get married, sex is only in between commercials.

First of all, old people never put damn sugar on the ball.

It'll give them a diabetic dick stroke.

I'm serious, Sadiq.

You had me in this motherfucker knowing that these people were

gonna be fucking like a goddamn frog.

Do I look like a frog fucker to you?

They doing a reverse cowgirl.

Well, she's just doing that, Pat--

Every real bitch know you ain't got to reverse

the cow to get to the beef.

Good sex is like being a politician.

You got to know how to get what you want

without doing a motherfucking thing to get it.

And cut.

Wait, what?

I think you just fucked up my film

in the best way possible.

All I wanted was a genuine perspective

on what it meant to be a MILF.

Please don't call my mama a MILF.

I done been through enough today.

So you not suing us, Sadiq?

Are you kidding me? No.

No, I mean, it's not what I was looking for,

but this perspective alone is some funny shit.

I think a star is born.

Really, that's it?

Nah.

I got a feeling that's just the beginning for you, big sexy.

All right, everybody, that's a picture wrap on Ms. Pat.

Let's give it up.

Oh, hell no.

You're not about to fuck me to the hospital.

Turn it off! Turn it off!

Superstar.

How was the big movie debut?

Was it as hard as you thought it was gonna be?

Ooh, baby, it was real hard.

I mean real, real hard.

Hard.

But Sadiq say I'm a star.

Ah, that's my baby.

I knew you could do it.

Yeah, more importantly, did you speak to your mother?

I did.

And thank you, baby.

You were right about hearing her out.

We got a lot of healing done today.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that.

You got your big boy pants on.

I sure did.

Mm.

Yeah.

And now, I think it might be time

to take them off again.

Ooh, well, this is a good night for you to ask, baby.

I got some accessories for you.

Oh, yeah?

Fun Balls Dust? Ooh.

- Let me shut the door. - Grape.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Cherry, blueberry.

And guess what? It's diabetic-free.

It won't kill us.

- Terry? - Huh?

Go wash your balls.

I already showered, baby.

Well, shit, I need to wash my pussy.

Hey, Brandon, you want to try this new candy that Ma got?

Yeah.

- Damn, that's delicious. - Yeah, ain't it?

That's good, man.

You know what?

Could you do a product review for my TikTok?

Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

All right.

Turn it around.

All right.

What's going on, Junebuggers?

Today I have a special guest.

- Say what's up, Brandon. - What's up?

All right, now tell us exactly

what you think about the candy.

All right.

- Well, it's sweet. - Mm.

A little salty.

But it's good.

And let me try this right here.

Mm, that second sack taste good too.

Well, there you have it, folks.

Big bro has officially given a thumbs up

to sex candy for musty balls.

What?

What the--boy!

Mama!

- * She's a grown-ass woman *

* And she don't take no stuff *

* She's a grown-ass woman *

* And you can't get enough *

* She's a grown-ass woman *

* With a husband and kids *

* She's a grown-ass woman *

* And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" *