Original subtitles

- Previously on "The Ms. Pat Show"...

My agent called to tell me

I'm going on tour with Tony Free.

- You're pregnant.

- What you say?

- Pat, you can't be pregnant.

Your tubes are tied.

- But I'm not going to keep it.

I'm getting an abortion.

- I want us to have this baby.

That procedure goes against everything I believe in.

- It's my decision, Terry.

This is my pussy.

- I cannot support this abortion.

- It's too late.

- What do you mean?

- I did it this morning.

- What?

Why would you do that?

- 'Cause this is my body.

- And you are my wife.

- You don't fucking own me, Terry.

- Who the hell you think you're talking to like that, huh?

You can't just take that away from me

without me being there.

That's my damn child.

That is my child, Pat.

- It ain't nobody's now.

[clattering]

Oh, this where we at now?

Fucking hands off me.

[bang]

- The Ms. Pat Show was filmed

in front of a live studio audience.

[cheers and applause]

- Look, y'all, I ain't never lied to you,

and I ain't gonna lie to you today.

I don't even want to be here, OK?

But since you pressed play, here we go.

Being married is hard.

Some days that shit is like getting a root canal

butt-ass naked with no novocaine.

And some days the shit is just hell.

OK?

But we all know it's two sides to the bullshit, right?

"We just hold on and get over it."

That's what they say.

But what if we don't?

If you watching this and you engaged to be married

and that nigga sitting next to you, girl,

take off that ring and run, bitch, run.

[cheers and applause]

- We regret to inform you that your husband,

James Evans, was--

[upbeat music]

Killed in an automo--

- My God.

- [crying] Man, why they had to do James like that, man?

- He really was the best Black TV dad ever.

- Well, he ain't got nothing on Daddy.

- I can't believe he's been gone since Tuesday.

I want him back.

- I know. Hey.

What if Mama replaces him with a light-skinned daddy?

I mean, they always do that on TV.

Some strange butterscotch man all up in my kitchen.

Eating up all my cereal.

- Nobody's replacing nobody with nobody.

Dad will be back.

- Damn!

- What?

- Well, it's just that--

I mean, this is new to us.

Our dad's never left home before, and...

Just occurred to me that this must be

how you guys feel every day of your life.

- Get your hands off me.

- Thanks for that trigger, Junebug.

Get off me.

- Look.

I heard Mama said some pretty nasty things.

- Well, I heard he grabbed her.

- OK, where are you guys hearing all this gossip from?

BOTH: Denise.

- Well, I'm on Mama's side.

'Cause like I've been saying, what to do with that baby

was her decision and hers alone.

- Hers alone?

Ash, they are married, OK?

Once you put on that ring, every decision

becomes a couple thing.

- OK, Kevin Samuels.

- I'm just saying.

If the pregnancy test turned pink,

you better ask what the daddy thinks.

- Please stop.

- Brandon does have a point for once in his life.

Look, I for one, think it would have been

cool to have a little brother.

- [scoffs] I got one.

Trust me, it ain't that cool.

- Hey, y'all.

I, um, guess I owe you an explanation to--

to where I've been, huh?

- It's all right, Pops.

We just glad you ain't light-skinned.

- I just needed some air, son.

- Where the hell have you been to get 48 hours' worth of air?

- Hey, uh, y'all want to watch "Good Times" with us?

The daddy just died.

- No, I think your daddy got something to say,

like an apology.

Brandon, look like you got yourself a roommate.

-Hey, Pat, listen.

Now, we need to--

- Wait, who the roommate?

I need to know if my rent going down.

- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- I know damn well you ain't going back

to that bitch that look like

the Michael Jackson version of Snoop Dogg.

- Mama, don't--

wait, she kind of did, though.

But, no, I'm not going back to her.

I don't need to be cheated on anymore.

- Good, because I would hate to have to stab a bitch.

You know I actually wanted to stab that bitch, right?

- I know. You tried.

I did decide I'm not going back to Chicago.

- What that mean? - I'm staying here.

- Y'all kids ever going to leave the house?

Am I not mean enough?

- I'm not staying here here.

I signed a lease for an apartment nearby.

- What? You moving to Plainfield?

- Mm, Plainfield is a little too plain for me.

I'm in the ministry of melanin.

I got a place in Indianapolis 20 minutes away.

- Oh! Well, don't get killed.

- [scoffs]

- But, hey, I'm happy for you, baby.

And that's the best news I've heard

since the abortion doctor said, "I'm done."

- And that's another reason why I need to leave this house.

You and Daddy are fighting like Israel and Palestine.

- Child, me and your daddy's not fighting.

I just want that man to stay the hell away from me, OK?

- Don't act like you don't care.

I saw how worried you got when he didn't come home.

- I just wanted to make sure I could

cash in his insurance policy.

- You two need to kiss and make up.

- Kissing is how we got here, child.

- Ew.

All I'm saying is, I've never seen y'all fight like this.

And I don't think it's wise to go out on that comedy tour

until everything is resolved.

- Girl, let me tell you something.

That's the best part about this comedy tour,

'cause me and that man need some time apart.

- Not talking has never helped anything, Ma.

- It's helping now. Just watch.

- Mama.

- Child, shut up, I'm healing.

- Are you two finally going to start talking to each other?

[cell phone buzzing]

[loud thud]

Guess not.

- Hey, here you go, Junebug.

Pancakes.

- I don't like pancakes.

- Men don't get an opinion in this house.

[phone buzzes]

What does "Duck you" mean?

- It's probably autocorrect.

- No, it mean, "Duck, motherfucker!"

[shattering]

- Don't make me throw a flapjack!

- Well, let's break breakfast then, nigga.

- Can you stop?

You know, Mrs. Butterworth is too old

to be busting it open in our living room like this.

- And I'm too old to be busting it open to have new babies.

Tell your daddy that.

- Dad, Ma said she-- - I heard her.

- You can also tell your dad I'm too busy

trying to make it with my comedy career to have a baby.

He won't be whining when we get rich.

- Janelle, please tell your mama

I'm so sorry to whine about her betraying

every religious belief I have.

My bad. - Jesus Christ!

- Janelle, would you please tell your mama

to keep His name out her mouth?

Don't think he'd be too happy with what she did.

- Jesus too busy worrying about poverty and wars in this world

to be worried about my damn pootie tang!

- Can y'all please stop arguing?

I feel like I'm watching the Zeus network.

- Junebug is right.

Can y'all stop fighting for two seconds?

I have some good news.

- What's your good news, girl?

And we're not fighting. - Yes, we are.

- Tell your daddy we're not fighting!

- Mama said y'all not.

- Tell your mama I said we are.

- Daddy said y'all are.

- Tell that man--

- Please just stop.

- Janelle says stop.

- Well, you can tell Janelle--

- Enough!

- OK, old loud-ass girl.

- Wait a minute. Go on, baby.

I could use some good news.

- Well, I applied for a $20,000 Tubman scholarship,

and I'm a finalist.

And one of the reps is in town,

and he wants to come over for dinner.

- This is incredible, Janelle.

- Wow, $20,000?

I know my baby gonna win.

- That's a lot of faith.

- Support your family.

When is he coming over, baby?

- He wants to come over tonight.

- Tonight?

It's not a good time.

Can he reschedule?

- She already said he's out of town, Pat.

We got to make it work.

- Yeah, but this is a big deal.

We should make it special and not rush it.

- It's only going to be a mess if you make it a mess.

- You already made it,

- OK, OK, look.

My whole application essay is about my amazing family--

minus Junebug--

and how much you two love each other.

So I need you to pretend that is true for one night, OK?

- Do I look like a Black-ass Meryl Streep?

- Look, baby, we promise on your big night

we will abort this conversation.

- You see that?

- Ma.

- OK. I'll stop talking shit.

[cellphone buzzing]

- My face can not fit in my ass, Pat.

You know that.

- Ma, you promised.

- Texting ain't talking.

- Can you please act like an adult for one second?

I should not have to be the parent here.

- All right, baby. You know what, I'll fix it.

Don't worry about it, all right?

I'm just going to block her number.

- Good. - Yeah.

[cellphone chiming]

- Dad.

- Yeah?

- Can you come here real quick?

Mama wanted me to show you this.

- You spelled "dickhead" wrong.

- I'm so sorry.

I meant to spell it T-E-R-R-Y.

- That's your name, Dad.

- What the--hey, hey, hey, hold on now.

Where you think you're going with my suitcases?

- On tour with Pat.

Where you been?

Oh, yeah. Gone.

Your wife made me her assistant on tour.

- That's nice. Have fun on the road,

but my suitcases stay in my garage.

- Well, that ain't what Pat said.

- Is that right? What did Pat say?

- She said I can have it. Bye.

- Her body, her choice.

My suitcase, my choice!

You fucking talking to yourself, Terry.

- Hey, Dad, your car's making a funny noise.

- From the garage? - No, out on the street.

I'm not sure if this is connected,

but I did hit that curb pretty hard.

Oh, and you're going to need a new tire.

- What? I just got new tires. - Oh, thank God.

Then you'll know where to get one.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Who told you you could take my car?

- Mama did. - She what?

- Oh, hey, Dad.

Don't forget, the scholarship rep

is coming over Tuesday night.

I'm just waiting for him to confirm.

- Now, how I'm going to forget something

I ain't even been told? - Mama didn't tell you?

Well, she had me switch the dates

because she said tonight was too soon.

I thought y'all agreed on this.

- OK, I get it.

My suitcase, my car.

You know, your mom is trying to teach me a little lesson.

But you know what? I don't care.

I ain't going to let her get up under my skin.

[laughs] Doesn't even bother me none.

[humming "Amazing Grace"]

♪ ♪

- Who's playing, Dad?

- Is that my Wild Cherry Pepsi?

- This was the last one. Mama said I could have it.

- Boy, do you know how long it takes to find a store that

carries Wild Cherry Pepsi?

I do, because I put in the work.

I drive down to Bloomington, Indiana,

on my day off.

- How are you this upset about soda?

- Ain't about no damn soda.

Your mama just crossed the big, carbonated,

cherry-flavored line.

And you know what?

- Dad, where are you going?

- I'll be back.

- I would have gave him some.

- I don't know why that man so dramatic.

Who in the fuck cares about a Wild Cherry Pepsi?

It ain't like it was an AriZona Sweet Tea or some shit.

- Where do you think he went?

- I don't know, but he better be back,

'cause you can't leave no Black woman.

We will find you, kick down that door,

and drag your runaway ass back to the house.

I'll call a voodoo priest.

- Don't you think you're being a little too hard on him?

- Yeah, Mom, he got every right to be upset.

Just like you got every right to be upset.

- I thought you was on my team.

- I'm not on anybody's team.

OK, I'm on your team.

Just don't do no voodoo.

- What about you, Junebug?

- Sorry, but I'm team Dad.

- What the fuck?

After the way he yelled at you today?

- You yelling at me right now.

And you hit me earlier.

- You want a fresh one?

- Well, I'm on Pat's side.

You bunch of traitor-ass Judases.

- See, now that's a good soldier.

- So you want us to mindlessly do whatever you say?

- Yeah, now you're getting it.

[cellphone rings]

- Hello?

It's the scholarship rep.

He says he's outside.

Are you playing one of your little TikTok pranks?

- Uh-uh, this is God pranking you.

- OK, well, if this is really Mr. Scholarship,

then why are you calling me on my phone

when you could just ring the doorbell?

[doorbell rings] - Oh, shit!

I thought he was coming by Tuesday.

- I thought I sent that email.

Oh, my God, it's still in my drafts.

Oh, God. No, no, no.

Oh, man, what am I going to do?

I mean, my whole essay is about my loving family,

and Dad isn't even here.

- Told you you're not going to college.

- Shut up before I take all the lotion out your bathroom.

- Janelle, calm down.

Look, your family's fucked up.

It's just who we are, so we own it, OK?

Hey, I'm going to buy some Chinese food and fix this.

Either they like us or they don't.

- Definitely not getting that scholarship.

- OK.

OK. I love you

- The fuck you rubbing on me for?

I dropped out of school.

- Oh, God damn.

That's a sexy-ass nerd.

He made me think about Superman.

Like Dark Kent.

- Hello, my name is Tyrese Porter.

I'm from the Harriet Tubman Education Group

scholarship office. - Hi, I'm Janelle.

And this is my mom.

- Hi, I'm Pat. - Oh, pleasure.

And this must be Terry.

Janelle said so many wonderful things about her parents.

- Um--

- You know, this is exactly the Black diversity

we're looking for.

[interposing voices]

- Yeah, that's right.

Black diversity.

- What the hell?

- This woman right here is my soul mate.

My spoonful of sugar.

The old ball and chain.

And she the ball. - Mm.

Well, it's great to meet you both. [chuckles]

- Mom.

BOTH: Yes?

- [laughs]

- It's nice to meet you, Mr. Porter.

Don't get no ideas about my wife.

She eats pussy.

- [clears throat]

- I'm not just the L.

You know, I'm an LG-"B"-TQ.

- OK, I see.

- Yeah, remember the B is for bisexual.

Or as I like to call it, be patient, OK?

- Hey, princess.

- Hey, Daddy, what you doing here?

- I just thought you might need some help moving in.

- You're so thoughtful.

I could use some help, actually.

You can grab that box right there.

- Your mama's really pissing me off.

- Oh, you ain't here to help at all, huh?

- Before, you know, she was just giving me

the silent treatment, which, to be honest,

was kind of a nice break.

But now she's just being cruel.

- Wow, that's crazy.

- And you know what else bothers me?

I thought we were a team, that we were in this together.

But now she just goes off and makes

every decision without me.

- Wow, that's crazy.

So you not even going to open that one box?

- She just always... [glass shatters]

making me feel like I'm invisible,

like I ain't got no say so in this marriage

or this family.

- Have you tried telling her that?

- Of course I tried.

I blocked her.

Oh.

I know she was trying to call me.

- How are you telling her this if y'all not even talking?

You're both being mad immature

and making everyone take sides.

- Who's not on my side?

I see your point.

- You love Mama.

She loves you.

Maybe it's time to do the work to get beyond this

and focus on everything you have together.

Talk.

- She won't talk to me.

- Daddy. - What?

You can't outrun a storm while holding lightning

in the palm of your hand.

Release it.

Talk.

- Maybe you're right, baby.

Thanks.

I'm going to go home and try to talk to her.

You're welcome to come with.

- You're welcoming me to come, or are you telling me to come?

- Mm-hmm.

- OK, fine.

- Lord knows we can use a therapist.

- I know. I lived there.

- So tell me, how did you two meet?

- Oh, I'm glad you asked.

It's a really great story.

- No, it ain't.

- She's so shy. Let me tell it, baby.

- Yeah, I would love to hear your version.

- OK, well, we were on opposing teams

on our softball league.

Yeah, and I hit a line drive straight into the gap.

No pun intended.

[laughter]

And then I rounded third base, and who was standing there

but big, old Pat blocking the plate.

So I had to do what I had to do.

- I see.

- So we ended up on top of each other. Yup.

My ass in the air, and her face in the dirt.

And we've been like that all these years.

- Beautiful story.

- Yeah, you remember that day, Pat?

- Yeah.

And from that day forward, every time

her ass was in the air, I'd rather eat dirt.

- Hey.

How come y'all ain't tell me dinner was happening?

Why y'all holding hands?

- This is my son Brandon.

He's opposite of Janelle.

He's a loser. - [chuckles]

- Janelle, what's going on?

[laughs] What?

- My God, you two must have been babies when you had him.

- Oh, no, he's from an old relationship

back when I used to like dick.

- [chuckles] Yeah, I just love my two mothers.

All these years and they're still as affectionate as ever.

Come on, guys.

Show him how you be kissing.

- Kiss my ass!

- Mama.

- OK, um,

you have a very explicit way with words, Pat.

Shocking, but amusing.

- Yeah, I scooped Pat up out the dumpster,

and then cleaned that ass up.

[both chuckle]

But you know the old saying,

you can't take the street out the girl.

- I'm going to meet you in the street after this.

- OK, OK, I don't think Mr. Porter wants to hear that.

- Oh, Janelle, you're still here?

- Yes, let's focus on our star student.

Janelle, your application says you have a perfect GPA.

- Mm-hmm. - That's outstanding.

Any extracurricular activities?

- Oh, well, if extracurricular means being extra,

then, yeah, she's got those.

- Actually, I'm on the debate team.

I participate in student government.

And I volunteer at the library.

- The library never needed no volunteers.

- An impressive resume.

I'm sure any institution of higher learning

would be proud to have you matriculate.

- Oh, my God, I love the way that you talk.

With all those nouns and verbs

and, you know, the stuff you said about urinating.

- [laughs]

- Baby!

You know we got things to do tonight.

We going to the WNBA game and shop for some Subarus.

- Hey, everybody.

- And this is my daughter, Ashley.

- Yes, Ashley is also of the lesbian persuasion.

- What do you mean also?

- Me and Denise is gay.

- [laughs]

Perfect.

- What's all of this?

- Terry.

- Uh, I thought you were Terry.

- I am Terry.

With an I.

Stop playing, Denise.

- Why are you calling me Denise?

- Well, Denny is short for Denise,

because that's a guy's name too.

Yeah, that's our cousin.

Denny, this is Mr. Porter, the scholarship rep, remember?

- Oh, that's funny, because I was told

it was on a different night.

Can I speak to you for a second, Pat?

- Mm-mm.

- Pat. - Mom.

- Hey, baby, I come in peace.

All right?

I was talking to Ashley on the ride over,

and I'm ready to talk.

- Don't you see all the shit going on?

- Um, should I go?

- No.

- Oh, OK. [chuckles]

- Now go on back to your little hotel room, Terry.

- I'm Denise, remember?

So once again, you--

you ain't gonna even consider your husband's feelings.

- OK, Denise, I asked you nicely.

Stay out of my marriage.

- I did consider your feelings, but at the end of the day,

I had to listen to the right one.

Mine.

- You always listen to yourself and no one else,

and that's the problem.

- You're the fucking problem!

- You want to say that again!

- Oh, no, I definitely should go.

- Yeah, so should I.

- Wait, baby, I--

- Damn, Pat.

You cheating on me with this bald bitch.

- Mr. Porter.

Can I call you Tyrese?

- No.

- Oh, classic Tyrese.

[laughs]

Listen, can you please give Janelle another chance?

- I don't think there's anything more to see here.

- Well, I mean, are you sure?

After all, I ain't married to Pat no more.

- [chuckles] You never were.

- OK, well, hold up. Hold up.

OK, this is all my fault. I take all the blame.

But I just think that Janelle is an amazing kid,

and she really deserves another chance.

- Yes, she is amazing,

but there are a lot of other deserving students out there

with families who won't pretend to be queer

to be more interesting.

- Ooh.

Are you sure...

That there's not something

or someone worth staying for?

- [chuckles]

Are you bribing me?

- No, I ain't bribing you.

I'm vibing.

You know, this is a Black scholarship.

That's what Black folks do.

We vibe. [laughs]

Niggas died for the vibe.

- Well, there was someone in this house

I found attractive.

- Okay. [chuckles]

- Not you. - Oh.

OK, well, they better not be Janelle, because I will gladly

rip out your ribs and have my ass

a bloody backyard barbecue in this bitch.

- No, I was actually speaking about Brandon.

[clears throat]

- Oh, OK.

So you are--

- Uh, gay. Yes.

- Praise God.

Oh, Jesus, I thought I was losing my touch.

Ooh.

OK, so if that's what you like,

we definitely can make that happen.

Now, did you know that he was a stripper?

So if you come on back inside,

I can get you in his champagne room.

- You're not helping.

- Oh, great, Roe and Wade are here.

- What you doing up here, baby?

- I'm just looking at my application essay,

which, after that display downstairs,

appears like a complete lie.

- Janelle, we're sorry. - It's too late.

I mean, you two really blew this for me.

You couldn't pretend to be civil for five minutes.

- Hey, hey now.

Let us fix it, baby.

- It's too late to fix it.

He's gone.

- No, he's not.

I told Denise don't let him leave.

- Aunt Denise?

Let me get down there.

You know, why don't you just let Brandon take my SAT next?

- Mm.

- What?

- "All of my friends complain about their parents.

"Not me.

"Never me.

"This world is full of choppy waters,

"but they always have been my lighthouse.

Casting out darkness and--"

- "Illuminating."

- "Illuminating my path with bright, unconditional love.

Love for me, but also"--

- "Love for each other."

- Wow.

- Pat, Terry, come on down here!

- Thank you so much for coming back.

- Well, Denise was very persuasive.

- Wow, Auntie, what you say?

- Don't worry about it.

Just keep your mouth shut and stay pretty.

- Mr. Porter, I just want to say I'm sorry that

we all lied to you and for everything that was said

and done since you walked through the door.

- Just so we're clear, you're Pat,

and you're the real Terry?

- And I'm the real gay.

Hey.

- Pat and I had a misunderstanding that

led to all this drama tonight, and this had nothing

to do with Janelle.

We take full responsibility.

- I don't know if you married, Mr. Porter,

but this shit is hard.

- You mean, "stuff", Mama. This stuff is hard.

- No, I have been married and, yes, this shit is hard.

- Regardless, this is our family

through the good and the bad.

It's messy, but in the end, we always make it work.

- That's the kind of example we want

to try to show our children.

- And if you want to find another student

with a more conventional family,

I understand.

- Well, I'll admit I was a bit taken aback

by the lying and the yelling and the pimping. [laughs]

- Pimping?

- Say what?

- [chuckles]

The love you folks have for each other, it really--

it shines through.

And I say anyone who can survive this family

and make it to college deserves some financial assistance.

Janelle, I think you make a perfect candidate

for the Harriet Tubman Education Group scholarship.

- Are you serious?

I get a Tubman?

- Congrats, baby girl.

- I'm so proud of you.

- Yeah, congrats.

- OK, why have you been a jerk the last couple of days?

- He'll never admit it, but I know why.

He's going to miss you.

- Aww.

You gonna miss me, Coonbug?

- Oh, please, get over yourself.

- I'm going to miss you too.

And don't worry, I have a whole nother year to terrorize you.

- Oh, man, this is so cool.

You get to go to an underground school.

Sojourner Truth would be so proud.

- Listen, Andy, I know I'm supposed

to start the tour on Monday,

but I'm going to just be honest with you.

Child, my marriage is in worse condition than your liver.

And I need to talk to Terry

to get us back on the same page.

We need to decide together

if this tour is happening or not.

- [clears throat]

- OK.

Thank you. I'll call you later.

Bye-bye.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Is the scholarship man still downstairs?

- Yeah, yeah, Denise took him down to the basement

for some reason.

- Why you in my room?

- This is my room.

It's our room.

- It was until you left me.

- I'm here now.

- You left me, Terry.

You yelled at me and you grabbed me

and you left me.

People have been leaving me my whole life.

I never would have thought that you

would have walked out on me.

- I'm sorry, Pat.

Baby, I just needed to breathe for a second.

- We breathe together, Terry.

Hell, we always breathe together.

- I know.

I just...

turned into my daddy for a second,

and, um, that's the scariest thing

I've ever felt in my life.

I was in a whole lot of pain, baby.

- What about me, Terry?

I was hurting, too.

- I will never make you feel that way again.

I'll do my work if you do yours, all right?

And as far as I can see, you already are.

- What you mean?

- What you just said on the phone right now,

that's exactly what I needed to hear,

that we're a team.

- We supposed to be a team, Terry,

and we should make every decision together.

But that doesn't mean we always gonna agree.

- You right, baby.

- You know, when it come to my body,

I want to hear your opinion, because you've been making

my body feel good for decades.

- True, true, true, true.

- But the final decision about my body lies with me.

- That's fair.

- So what do you think about the comedy tour?

- Ah, well, it feels good to be asked.

You really do care about what I think, don't you?

- No, but I'm learning.

- [laughs]

I fell in love with you

because you're such a strong, independent woman,

and I promise that I will never let that

threaten me again, OK?

- I love you, baby.

- I love you, too, baby.

Forever.

- Forever-ever?

- Forever-ever.

And if you really want to know my opinion

about you going out on tour

and leaving the whole family behind--

- There go that bullshit.

- My opinion is I'll be pissed if you don't go.

I'm behind you 100%.

- We good?

- If you back to liking men, we good.

- Now, you know that was my damn sister.

- Come here.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Shh.

- Flag on the play.

We just dodged a bullet.

You want to jump back out in front of a gun?

- All right, baby. Come here.

Come here.

Love you.

[indistinct speech]

[funky music]

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman, and you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman with family and kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪