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1
00:00:09,206 --> 00:00:10,655
- Previously on
"The Ms. Pat Show"...
2
00:00:10,724 --> 00:00:11,965
My agent called to tell me
3
00:00:12,034 --> 00:00:15,620
I'm going on tour
with Tony Free.
4
00:00:15,689 --> 00:00:16,689
- You're pregnant.
5
00:00:16,758 --> 00:00:18,000
- What you say?
6
00:00:18,068 --> 00:00:19,551
- Pat, you can't be pregnant.
7
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,827
Your tubes are tied.
8
00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:21,896
- But I'm not going to keep it.
9
00:00:21,965 --> 00:00:22,965
I'm getting an abortion.
10
00:00:23,034 --> 00:00:25,758
- I want us to have this baby.
11
00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:30,655
That procedure goes against
everything I believe in.
12
00:00:30,724 --> 00:00:32,448
- It's my decision, Terry.
13
00:00:32,517 --> 00:00:33,620
This is my pussy.
14
00:00:33,689 --> 00:00:36,551
- I cannot support
this abortion.
15
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,862
- It's too late.
16
00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:39,620
- What do you mean?
17
00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:41,931
- I did it this morning.
18
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,655
- What?
19
00:00:43,724 --> 00:00:44,862
Why would you do that?
20
00:00:44,931 --> 00:00:46,620
- 'Cause this is my body.
21
00:00:46,689 --> 00:00:49,482
- And you are my wife.
22
00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:52,379
- You don't fucking
own me, Terry.
23
00:00:52,448 --> 00:00:54,068
- Who the hell you think you're
talking to like that, huh?
24
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,655
You can't just take
that away from me
25
00:00:55,724 --> 00:00:56,896
without me being there.
26
00:00:56,965 --> 00:00:58,103
That's my damn child.
27
00:00:58,172 --> 00:01:00,034
That is my child, Pat.
28
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,137
- It ain't nobody's now.
29
00:01:02,206 --> 00:01:03,862
[clattering]
30
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:06,103
Oh, this where we at now?
31
00:01:06,172 --> 00:01:08,241
Fucking hands off me.
32
00:01:10,034 --> 00:01:12,137
[bang]
33
00:01:13,517 --> 00:01:15,137
- The Ms. Pat Show was filmed
34
00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:16,793
in front of a live
studio audience.
35
00:01:16,862 --> 00:01:19,758
[cheers and applause]
36
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,517
- Look, y'all, I ain't
never lied to you,
37
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,103
and I ain't gonna lie
to you today.
38
00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:29,241
I don't even want
to be here, OK?
39
00:01:29,310 --> 00:01:32,931
But since you pressed play,
here we go.
40
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,517
Being married is hard.
41
00:01:35,586 --> 00:01:38,724
Some days that shit is like
getting a root canal
42
00:01:38,793 --> 00:01:41,551
butt-ass naked
with no novocaine.
43
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,103
And some days
the shit is just hell.
44
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,758
OK?
45
00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:49,482
But we all know it's two sides
to the bullshit, right?
46
00:01:49,551 --> 00:01:51,413
"We just hold on
and get over it."
47
00:01:51,482 --> 00:01:52,896
That's what they say.
48
00:01:52,965 --> 00:01:54,965
But what if we don't?
49
00:01:55,034 --> 00:01:57,413
If you watching this
and you engaged to be married
50
00:01:57,482 --> 00:01:59,275
and that nigga sitting
next to you, girl,
51
00:01:59,344 --> 00:02:01,827
take off that ring
and run, bitch, run.
52
00:02:01,896 --> 00:02:04,482
[cheers and applause]
53
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,724
- We regret to inform you that
your husband,
54
00:02:08,793 --> 00:02:11,103
James Evans, was--
55
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,965
[upbeat music]
56
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,551
Killed in an automo--
57
00:02:15,620 --> 00:02:17,379
- My God.
58
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:25,724
- [crying] Man, why they had
to do James like that, man?
59
00:02:25,793 --> 00:02:28,103
- He really was the best
Black TV dad ever.
60
00:02:28,172 --> 00:02:29,586
- Well, he ain't got
nothing on Daddy.
61
00:02:29,655 --> 00:02:32,068
- I can't believe
he's been gone since Tuesday.
62
00:02:32,137 --> 00:02:33,310
I want him back.
63
00:02:33,379 --> 00:02:35,620
- I know. Hey.
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00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:38,310
What if Mama replaces him
with a light-skinned daddy?
65
00:02:38,379 --> 00:02:40,275
I mean, they always
do that on TV.
66
00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:45,103
Some strange butterscotch man
all up in my kitchen.
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00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:48,620
Eating up all my cereal.
68
00:02:48,689 --> 00:02:50,758
- Nobody's replacing nobody
with nobody.
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00:02:50,827 --> 00:02:52,068
Dad will be back.
70
00:02:52,137 --> 00:02:53,068
- Damn!
71
00:02:53,137 --> 00:02:54,689
- What?
72
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,517
- Well, it's just that--
73
00:02:56,586 --> 00:02:58,689
I mean, this is new to us.
74
00:02:58,758 --> 00:03:02,310
Our dad's never
left home before, and...
75
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,655
Just occurred to me that
this must be
76
00:03:07,724 --> 00:03:09,758
how you guys feel
every day of your life.
77
00:03:11,931 --> 00:03:13,241
- Get your hands off me.
78
00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:14,655
- Thanks for that trigger,
Junebug.
79
00:03:14,724 --> 00:03:16,724
Get off me.
80
00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:18,068
- Look.
81
00:03:18,137 --> 00:03:20,275
I heard Mama said some
pretty nasty things.
82
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:22,448
- Well, I heard he grabbed her.
83
00:03:22,517 --> 00:03:24,689
- OK, where are you guys
hearing all this gossip from?
84
00:03:24,758 --> 00:03:27,068
BOTH: Denise.
85
00:03:27,137 --> 00:03:28,551
- Well, I'm on Mama's side.
86
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:30,310
'Cause like I've been saying,
what to do with that baby
87
00:03:30,379 --> 00:03:32,275
was her decision
and hers alone.
88
00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:34,172
- Hers alone?
89
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:35,689
Ash, they are married, OK?
90
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:37,137
Once you put on that ring,
every decision
91
00:03:37,206 --> 00:03:38,758
becomes a couple thing.
92
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,310
- OK, Kevin Samuels.
93
00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:41,689
- I'm just saying.
94
00:03:41,758 --> 00:03:43,137
If the pregnancy test
turned pink,
95
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:44,310
you better ask what
the daddy thinks.
96
00:03:44,379 --> 00:03:46,724
- Please stop.
97
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:51,206
- Brandon does have a point
for once in his life.
98
00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:52,965
Look, I for one, think
it would have been
99
00:03:53,034 --> 00:03:54,103
cool to have a little brother.
100
00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:55,689
- [scoffs] I got one.
101
00:03:55,758 --> 00:03:58,172
Trust me, it ain't that cool.
102
00:04:00,172 --> 00:04:02,655
- Hey, y'all.
103
00:04:02,724 --> 00:04:08,965
I, um, guess I owe you
an explanation to--
104
00:04:09,034 --> 00:04:10,620
to where I've been, huh?
105
00:04:10,689 --> 00:04:12,206
- It's all right, Pops.
106
00:04:12,275 --> 00:04:13,862
We just glad you
ain't light-skinned.
107
00:04:17,275 --> 00:04:19,103
- I just needed some air, son.
108
00:04:19,172 --> 00:04:23,241
- Where the hell have you been
to get 48 hours' worth of air?
109
00:04:25,034 --> 00:04:28,137
- Hey, uh, y'all want
to watch "Good Times" with us?
110
00:04:28,206 --> 00:04:30,931
The daddy just died.
111
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,827
- No, I think your daddy
got something to say,
112
00:04:33,896 --> 00:04:35,482
like an apology.
113
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:45,896
Brandon, look like you
got yourself a roommate.
114
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:48,689
-Hey, Pat, listen.
115
00:04:48,758 --> 00:04:50,586
Now, we need to--
116
00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:52,586
- Wait, who the roommate?
117
00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:56,655
I need to know
if my rent going down.
118
00:04:56,724 --> 00:04:58,862
- ♪ Come on,
it's time to go ♪
119
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,689
♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪
120
00:05:03,448 --> 00:05:05,137
- I know damn well
you ain't going back
121
00:05:05,206 --> 00:05:06,448
to that bitch that look like
122
00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:08,034
the Michael Jackson version
of Snoop Dogg.
123
00:05:08,103 --> 00:05:09,379
- Mama, don't--
124
00:05:09,448 --> 00:05:11,586
wait, she kind of did, though.
125
00:05:11,655 --> 00:05:13,689
But, no, I'm not
going back to her.
126
00:05:13,758 --> 00:05:15,517
I don't need to be
cheated on anymore.
127
00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:18,655
- Good, because I would hate
to have to stab a bitch.
128
00:05:18,724 --> 00:05:21,206
You know I actually wanted
to stab that bitch, right?
129
00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:23,620
- I know. You tried.
130
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,931
I did decide I'm not
going back to Chicago.
131
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,827
- What that mean?
- I'm staying here.
132
00:05:27,896 --> 00:05:29,482
- Y'all kids ever going
to leave the house?
133
00:05:29,551 --> 00:05:31,413
Am I not mean enough?
134
00:05:31,482 --> 00:05:33,206
- I'm not staying here here.
135
00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:35,172
I signed a lease
for an apartment nearby.
136
00:05:35,241 --> 00:05:36,758
- What?
You moving to Plainfield?
137
00:05:36,827 --> 00:05:39,068
- Mm, Plainfield
is a little too plain for me.
138
00:05:39,137 --> 00:05:40,827
I'm in the ministry of melanin.
139
00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,379
I got a place in Indianapolis
20 minutes away.
140
00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:45,137
- Oh! Well, don't get killed.
141
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:46,344
- [scoffs]
142
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:47,896
- But, hey,
I'm happy for you, baby.
143
00:05:47,965 --> 00:05:49,620
And that's the best news
I've heard
144
00:05:49,689 --> 00:05:51,896
since the abortion doctor said,
"I'm done."
145
00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:54,068
- And that's another reason
why I need to leave this house.
146
00:05:54,137 --> 00:05:57,793
You and Daddy are fighting
like Israel and Palestine.
147
00:05:57,862 --> 00:05:59,344
- Child, me and your daddy's
not fighting.
148
00:05:59,413 --> 00:06:01,827
I just want that man to stay
the hell away from me, OK?
149
00:06:01,896 --> 00:06:03,517
- Don't act like
you don't care.
150
00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:04,965
I saw how worried you got
when he didn't come home.
151
00:06:05,034 --> 00:06:06,586
- I just wanted
to make sure I could
152
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:09,310
cash in his insurance policy.
153
00:06:09,379 --> 00:06:10,896
- You two need
to kiss and make up.
154
00:06:10,965 --> 00:06:12,758
- Kissing is how
we got here, child.
155
00:06:12,827 --> 00:06:14,344
- Ew.
156
00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:16,206
All I'm saying is, I've never
seen y'all fight like this.
157
00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:18,310
And I don't think it's wise
to go out on that comedy tour
158
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,034
until everything is resolved.
159
00:06:20,103 --> 00:06:21,689
- Girl, let me
tell you something.
160
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,551
That's the best part
about this comedy tour,
161
00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:26,068
'cause me and that man
need some time apart.
162
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,172
- Not talking has never
helped anything, Ma.
163
00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:29,931
- It's helping now. Just watch.
164
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,241
- Mama.
165
00:06:31,310 --> 00:06:33,758
- Child, shut up, I'm healing.
166
00:06:38,551 --> 00:06:41,724
- Are you two finally going
to start talking to each other?
167
00:06:43,482 --> 00:06:46,137
[cell phone buzzing]
168
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:51,827
[loud thud]
169
00:06:53,551 --> 00:06:55,379
Guess not.
170
00:06:57,482 --> 00:07:00,275
- Hey, here you go, Junebug.
171
00:07:00,344 --> 00:07:02,586
Pancakes.
172
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,137
- I don't like pancakes.
173
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:06,620
- Men don't get an opinion
in this house.
174
00:07:10,689 --> 00:07:12,551
[phone buzzes]
175
00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:16,206
What does "Duck you" mean?
176
00:07:17,413 --> 00:07:18,793
- It's probably autocorrect.
177
00:07:18,862 --> 00:07:21,275
- No, it mean,
"Duck, motherfucker!"
178
00:07:21,344 --> 00:07:22,965
[shattering]
179
00:07:24,448 --> 00:07:26,034
- Don't make me
throw a flapjack!
180
00:07:26,103 --> 00:07:28,103
- Well, let's break
breakfast then, nigga.
181
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:31,413
- Can you stop?
182
00:07:31,482 --> 00:07:33,068
You know, Mrs. Butterworth
is too old
183
00:07:33,137 --> 00:07:36,000
to be busting it open
in our living room like this.
184
00:07:37,931 --> 00:07:40,586
- And I'm too old to be busting
it open to have new babies.
185
00:07:40,655 --> 00:07:42,586
Tell your daddy that.
186
00:07:42,655 --> 00:07:45,068
- Dad, Ma said she--
- I heard her.
187
00:07:45,137 --> 00:07:46,827
- You can also tell
your dad I'm too busy
188
00:07:46,896 --> 00:07:49,103
trying to make it with my
comedy career to have a baby.
189
00:07:49,172 --> 00:07:52,103
He won't be whining
when we get rich.
190
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,172
- Janelle,
please tell your mama
191
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:57,448
I'm so sorry to whine
about her betraying
192
00:07:57,517 --> 00:07:59,655
every religious belief I have.
193
00:07:59,724 --> 00:08:02,137
My bad.
- Jesus Christ!
194
00:08:02,206 --> 00:08:03,724
- Janelle, would you please
tell your mama
195
00:08:03,793 --> 00:08:05,275
to keep His name out her mouth?
196
00:08:05,344 --> 00:08:07,448
Don't think he'd be too happy
with what she did.
197
00:08:07,517 --> 00:08:10,965
- Jesus too busy worrying about
poverty and wars in this world
198
00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:13,034
to be worried about
my damn pootie tang!
199
00:08:13,103 --> 00:08:15,137
- Can y'all please
stop arguing?
200
00:08:15,206 --> 00:08:18,724
I feel like I'm watching
the Zeus network.
201
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,206
- Junebug is right.
202
00:08:20,275 --> 00:08:22,724
Can y'all stop fighting
for two seconds?
203
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,310
I have some good news.
204
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:26,586
- What's your good news, girl?
205
00:08:26,655 --> 00:08:28,551
And we're not fighting.
- Yes, we are.
206
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:30,379
- Tell your daddy
we're not fighting!
207
00:08:30,448 --> 00:08:31,862
- Mama said y'all not.
208
00:08:31,931 --> 00:08:33,724
- Tell your mama I said we are.
209
00:08:33,793 --> 00:08:35,689
- Daddy said y'all are.
210
00:08:35,758 --> 00:08:37,344
- Tell that man--
211
00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:38,551
- Please just stop.
212
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:40,275
- Janelle says stop.
213
00:08:40,344 --> 00:08:41,517
- Well, you can tell Janelle--
214
00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:43,206
- Enough!
215
00:08:43,275 --> 00:08:45,724
- OK, old loud-ass girl.
216
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,517
- Wait a minute. Go on, baby.
217
00:08:47,586 --> 00:08:49,931
I could use some good news.
218
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:55,827
- Well, I applied for a
$20,000 Tubman scholarship,
219
00:08:55,896 --> 00:08:57,655
and I'm a finalist.
220
00:08:57,724 --> 00:09:00,551
And one of the reps is in town,
221
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,344
and he wants to come over
for dinner.
222
00:09:02,413 --> 00:09:04,931
- This is incredible, Janelle.
223
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,620
- Wow, $20,000?
224
00:09:10,689 --> 00:09:13,551
I know my baby gonna win.
225
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,344
- That's a lot of faith.
226
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:21,482
- Support your family.
227
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:23,000
When is he coming over, baby?
228
00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:24,448
- He wants to come over
tonight.
229
00:09:24,517 --> 00:09:25,620
- Tonight?
230
00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:27,241
It's not a good time.
231
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:28,689
Can he reschedule?
232
00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:29,689
- She already said
he's out of town, Pat.
233
00:09:29,758 --> 00:09:31,000
We got to make it work.
234
00:09:31,068 --> 00:09:32,275
- Yeah, but this is a big deal.
235
00:09:32,344 --> 00:09:34,275
We should make it special
and not rush it.
236
00:09:34,344 --> 00:09:36,517
- It's only going to be
a mess if you make it a mess.
237
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:37,551
- You already made it,
238
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,206
- OK, OK, look.
239
00:09:39,275 --> 00:09:43,137
My whole application essay
is about my amazing family--
240
00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:44,689
minus Junebug--
241
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:47,517
and how much you two
love each other.
242
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:51,551
So I need you to pretend that
is true for one night, OK?
243
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:54,379
- Do I look like
a Black-ass Meryl Streep?
244
00:09:54,448 --> 00:09:57,896
- Look, baby,
we promise on your big night
245
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,793
we will abort
this conversation.
246
00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:02,137
- You see that?
247
00:10:02,206 --> 00:10:03,551
- Ma.
248
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,896
- OK. I'll stop talking shit.
249
00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:09,793
[cellphone buzzing]
250
00:10:11,586 --> 00:10:14,413
- My face can not
fit in my ass, Pat.
251
00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:16,206
You know that.
252
00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:17,620
- Ma, you promised.
253
00:10:17,689 --> 00:10:19,965
- Texting ain't talking.
254
00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:22,620
- Can you please act like
an adult for one second?
255
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,793
I should not have
to be the parent here.
256
00:10:24,862 --> 00:10:26,482
- All right, baby.
You know what, I'll fix it.
257
00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:27,655
Don't worry about it,
all right?
258
00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:29,344
I'm just going to
block her number.
259
00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:31,241
- Good.
- Yeah.
260
00:10:32,586 --> 00:10:35,206
[cellphone chiming]
261
00:10:37,172 --> 00:10:38,241
- Dad.
262
00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:39,758
- Yeah?
263
00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:43,103
- Can you come here real quick?
264
00:10:48,931 --> 00:10:51,068
Mama wanted me
to show you this.
265
00:10:52,758 --> 00:10:55,827
- You spelled "dickhead" wrong.
266
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:56,931
- I'm so sorry.
267
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,965
I meant to spell it T-E-R-R-Y.
268
00:11:01,448 --> 00:11:03,206
- That's your name, Dad.
269
00:11:06,206 --> 00:11:08,413
- What the--hey, hey, hey,
hold on now.
270
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:11,620
Where you think you're going
with my suitcases?
271
00:11:11,689 --> 00:11:13,482
- On tour with Pat.
272
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:14,758
Where you been?
273
00:11:14,827 --> 00:11:17,103
Oh, yeah. Gone.
274
00:11:17,172 --> 00:11:19,689
Your wife made me
her assistant on tour.
275
00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:20,965
- That's nice.
Have fun on the road,
276
00:11:21,034 --> 00:11:22,896
but my suitcases stay
in my garage.
277
00:11:22,965 --> 00:11:24,068
- Well, that ain't
what Pat said.
278
00:11:24,137 --> 00:11:25,482
- Is that right?
What did Pat say?
279
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:27,620
- She said I can have it. Bye.
280
00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:29,344
- Her body, her choice.
281
00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:30,896
My suitcase, my choice!
282
00:11:30,965 --> 00:11:32,482
You fucking talking
to yourself, Terry.
283
00:11:32,551 --> 00:11:34,896
- Hey, Dad, your car's
making a funny noise.
284
00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:36,793
- From the garage?
- No, out on the street.
285
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,068
I'm not sure
if this is connected,
286
00:11:38,137 --> 00:11:39,896
but I did hit that curb
pretty hard.
287
00:11:41,965 --> 00:11:43,931
Oh, and you're going
to need a new tire.
288
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,034
- What? I just got new tires.
- Oh, thank God.
289
00:11:46,103 --> 00:11:47,413
Then you'll know where
to get one.
290
00:11:47,482 --> 00:11:48,586
- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
291
00:11:48,655 --> 00:11:49,758
Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
292
00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:50,758
Who told you
you could take my car?
293
00:11:50,827 --> 00:11:51,862
- Mama did.
- She what?
294
00:11:51,931 --> 00:11:53,068
- Oh, hey, Dad.
295
00:11:53,137 --> 00:11:54,448
Don't forget,
the scholarship rep
296
00:11:54,517 --> 00:11:55,827
is coming over Tuesday night.
297
00:11:55,896 --> 00:11:57,068
I'm just waiting
for him to confirm.
298
00:11:57,137 --> 00:11:58,482
- Now, how I'm going
to forget something
299
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,724
I ain't even been told?
- Mama didn't tell you?
300
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:02,310
Well, she had me
switch the dates
301
00:12:02,379 --> 00:12:04,103
because she said
tonight was too soon.
302
00:12:04,172 --> 00:12:05,758
I thought y'all agreed on this.
303
00:12:05,827 --> 00:12:06,965
- OK, I get it.
304
00:12:07,034 --> 00:12:08,517
My suitcase, my car.
305
00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:10,103
You know, your mom is trying
to teach me a little lesson.
306
00:12:10,172 --> 00:12:11,965
But you know what?
I don't care.
307
00:12:12,034 --> 00:12:14,068
I ain't going to let her
get up under my skin.
308
00:12:14,137 --> 00:12:17,379
[laughs]
Doesn't even bother me none.
309
00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:20,379
[humming "Amazing Grace"]
310
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,586
♪ ♪
311
00:12:22,655 --> 00:12:24,551
- Who's playing, Dad?
312
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,103
- Is that my Wild Cherry Pepsi?
313
00:12:27,172 --> 00:12:29,793
- This was the last one.
Mama said I could have it.
314
00:12:29,862 --> 00:12:31,655
- Boy, do you know how long
it takes to find a store that
315
00:12:31,724 --> 00:12:32,931
carries Wild Cherry Pepsi?
316
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,310
I do, because
I put in the work.
317
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,896
I drive down
to Bloomington, Indiana,
318
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:38,620
on my day off.
319
00:12:38,689 --> 00:12:41,551
- How are you this upset
about soda?
320
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:43,827
- Ain't about no damn soda.
321
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,310
Your mama just crossed
the big, carbonated,
322
00:12:46,379 --> 00:12:48,275
cherry-flavored line.
323
00:12:48,344 --> 00:12:50,068
And you know what?
324
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,896
- Dad, where are you going?
325
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,551
- I'll be back.
326
00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:08,896
- I would have gave him some.
327
00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:13,413
- I don't know why
that man so dramatic.
328
00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:16,310
Who in the fuck cares
about a Wild Cherry Pepsi?
329
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,241
It ain't like it was an
AriZona Sweet Tea or some shit.
330
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,379
- Where do you think he went?
331
00:13:22,448 --> 00:13:24,137
- I don't know,
but he better be back,
332
00:13:24,206 --> 00:13:25,965
'cause you can't
leave no Black woman.
333
00:13:26,034 --> 00:13:28,034
We will find you,
kick down that door,
334
00:13:28,103 --> 00:13:31,620
and drag your runaway ass
back to the house.
335
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:34,206
I'll call a voodoo priest.
336
00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:37,413
- Don't you think you're being
a little too hard on him?
337
00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:39,310
- Yeah, Mom, he got
every right to be upset.
338
00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:41,586
Just like you got
every right to be upset.
339
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,034
- I thought you was on my team.
340
00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:44,827
- I'm not on anybody's team.
341
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,344
OK, I'm on your team.
342
00:13:48,413 --> 00:13:49,793
Just don't do no voodoo.
343
00:13:51,551 --> 00:13:52,758
- What about you, Junebug?
344
00:13:52,827 --> 00:13:54,862
- Sorry, but I'm team Dad.
345
00:13:54,931 --> 00:13:56,103
- What the fuck?
346
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:57,241
After the way he yelled
at you today?
347
00:13:57,310 --> 00:13:59,896
- You yelling at me right now.
348
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,793
And you hit me earlier.
349
00:14:04,862 --> 00:14:06,206
- You want a fresh one?
350
00:14:06,275 --> 00:14:09,000
- Well, I'm on Pat's side.
351
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:11,551
You bunch of traitor-ass
Judases.
352
00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:14,482
- See, now that's
a good soldier.
353
00:14:14,551 --> 00:14:17,241
- So you want us to mindlessly
do whatever you say?
354
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,482
- Yeah, now you're getting it.
355
00:14:18,551 --> 00:14:20,586
[cellphone rings]
356
00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:23,379
- Hello?
357
00:14:25,862 --> 00:14:27,551
It's the scholarship rep.
358
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:30,241
He says he's outside.
359
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:33,034
Are you playing one
of your little TikTok pranks?
360
00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:35,241
- Uh-uh, this is God
pranking you.
361
00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:41,793
- OK, well, if this
is really Mr. Scholarship,
362
00:14:41,862 --> 00:14:43,448
then why are you calling
me on my phone
363
00:14:43,517 --> 00:14:44,965
when you could just ring
the doorbell?
364
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:46,379
[doorbell rings]
- Oh, shit!
365
00:14:46,448 --> 00:14:47,896
I thought he was
coming by Tuesday.
366
00:14:47,965 --> 00:14:50,862
- I thought I sent that email.
367
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:53,068
Oh, my God,
it's still in my drafts.
368
00:14:53,137 --> 00:14:55,827
Oh, God. No, no, no.
369
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,448
Oh, man, what am I going to do?
370
00:14:57,517 --> 00:15:00,103
I mean, my whole essay
is about my loving family,
371
00:15:00,172 --> 00:15:02,655
and Dad isn't even here.
372
00:15:02,724 --> 00:15:04,896
- Told you you're not going
to college.
373
00:15:05,965 --> 00:15:08,655
- Shut up before I take all
the lotion out your bathroom.
374
00:15:11,103 --> 00:15:12,793
- Janelle, calm down.
375
00:15:12,862 --> 00:15:16,000
Look, your family's fucked up.
376
00:15:17,689 --> 00:15:20,379
It's just who we are,
so we own it, OK?
377
00:15:20,448 --> 00:15:22,482
Hey, I'm going to buy some
Chinese food and fix this.
378
00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:25,241
Either they like us
or they don't.
379
00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:27,482
- Definitely not getting
that scholarship.
380
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:32,689
- OK.
381
00:15:32,758 --> 00:15:34,241
OK. I love you
382
00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:35,586
- The fuck you
rubbing on me for?
383
00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:37,413
I dropped out of school.
384
00:15:43,034 --> 00:15:44,068
- Oh, God damn.
385
00:15:44,137 --> 00:15:46,000
That's a sexy-ass nerd.
386
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,758
He made me think
about Superman.
387
00:15:50,827 --> 00:15:53,172
Like Dark Kent.
388
00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:54,620
- Hello, my name
is Tyrese Porter.
389
00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,206
I'm from the Harriet Tubman
Education Group
390
00:15:56,275 --> 00:15:58,551
scholarship office.
- Hi, I'm Janelle.
391
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,517
And this is my mom.
392
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:02,827
- Hi, I'm Pat.
- Oh, pleasure.
393
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:04,310
And this must be Terry.
394
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:06,758
Janelle said so many wonderful
things about her parents.
395
00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:08,206
- Um--
396
00:16:08,275 --> 00:16:10,241
- You know, this is exactly
the Black diversity
397
00:16:10,310 --> 00:16:11,862
we're looking for.
398
00:16:11,931 --> 00:16:13,724
[interposing voices]
399
00:16:13,793 --> 00:16:16,620
- Yeah, that's right.
400
00:16:16,689 --> 00:16:18,724
Black diversity.
401
00:16:20,137 --> 00:16:21,620
- What the hell?
402
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,034
- This woman right here
is my soul mate.
403
00:16:25,655 --> 00:16:27,724
My spoonful of sugar.
404
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,413
The old ball and chain.
405
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,344
And she the ball.
- Mm.
406
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:40,517
Well, it's great
to meet you both. [chuckles]
407
00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:41,793
- Mom.
408
00:16:41,862 --> 00:16:43,551
BOTH: Yes?
409
00:16:44,965 --> 00:16:46,241
- [laughs]
410
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,517
- It's nice to meet you,
Mr. Porter.
411
00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:50,931
Don't get no ideas
about my wife.
412
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,586
She eats pussy.
413
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,068
- [clears throat]
414
00:17:00,206 --> 00:17:01,862
- I'm not just the L.
415
00:17:01,931 --> 00:17:04,586
You know, I'm an LG-"B"-TQ.
416
00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:06,000
- OK, I see.
417
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:09,413
- Yeah, remember
the B is for bisexual.
418
00:17:09,482 --> 00:17:13,482
Or as I like to call it,
be patient, OK?
419
00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:17,517
- Hey, princess.
420
00:17:17,586 --> 00:17:19,000
- Hey, Daddy,
what you doing here?
421
00:17:19,068 --> 00:17:22,655
- I just thought you might
need some help moving in.
422
00:17:22,724 --> 00:17:23,896
- You're so thoughtful.
423
00:17:23,965 --> 00:17:25,172
I could use some help,
actually.
424
00:17:25,241 --> 00:17:26,413
You can grab that box
right there.
425
00:17:26,482 --> 00:17:29,206
- Your mama's really
pissing me off.
426
00:17:29,275 --> 00:17:31,896
- Oh, you ain't here
to help at all, huh?
427
00:17:31,965 --> 00:17:33,586
- Before, you know,
she was just giving me
428
00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:35,620
the silent treatment,
which, to be honest,
429
00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:37,379
was kind of a nice break.
430
00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:39,103
But now she's just being cruel.
431
00:17:39,172 --> 00:17:41,241
- Wow, that's crazy.
432
00:17:42,724 --> 00:17:45,000
- And you know what else
bothers me?
433
00:17:45,068 --> 00:17:47,620
I thought we were a team,
that we were in this together.
434
00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:50,068
But now she just
goes off and makes
435
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,965
every decision without me.
436
00:17:52,034 --> 00:17:53,344
- Wow, that's crazy.
437
00:17:53,413 --> 00:17:55,068
So you not even going
to open that one box?
438
00:17:55,137 --> 00:17:56,586
- She just always...
[glass shatters]
439
00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:58,793
making me feel
like I'm invisible,
440
00:17:58,862 --> 00:18:00,758
like I ain't got no say so
in this marriage
441
00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:02,310
or this family.
442
00:18:02,379 --> 00:18:03,896
- Have you tried
telling her that?
443
00:18:03,965 --> 00:18:06,172
- Of course I tried.
444
00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:07,448
I blocked her.
445
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:08,620
Oh.
446
00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:10,413
I know she was
trying to call me.
447
00:18:10,482 --> 00:18:13,034
- How are you telling her this
if y'all not even talking?
448
00:18:13,103 --> 00:18:14,482
You're both being mad immature
449
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:15,965
and making everyone take sides.
450
00:18:16,034 --> 00:18:18,241
- Who's not on my side?
451
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:20,689
I see your point.
452
00:18:20,758 --> 00:18:22,068
- You love Mama.
453
00:18:22,137 --> 00:18:23,586
She loves you.
454
00:18:23,655 --> 00:18:25,482
Maybe it's time to do the work
to get beyond this
455
00:18:25,551 --> 00:18:28,000
and focus on everything
you have together.
456
00:18:28,068 --> 00:18:29,206
Talk.
457
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,413
- She won't talk to me.
458
00:18:30,482 --> 00:18:32,482
- Daddy.
- What?
459
00:18:32,551 --> 00:18:34,482
You can't outrun a storm
while holding lightning
460
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,655
in the palm of your hand.
461
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,206
Release it.
462
00:18:38,275 --> 00:18:39,724
Talk.
463
00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:43,931
- Maybe you're right, baby.
464
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,931
Thanks.
465
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,275
I'm going to go home
and try to talk to her.
466
00:18:49,344 --> 00:18:51,172
You're welcome to come with.
467
00:18:51,241 --> 00:18:53,137
- You're welcoming me to come,
or are you telling me to come?
468
00:18:53,206 --> 00:18:54,586
- Mm-hmm.
469
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,137
- OK, fine.
470
00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:58,000
- Lord knows we can
use a therapist.
471
00:18:58,068 --> 00:19:00,448
- I know. I lived there.
472
00:19:00,517 --> 00:19:02,482
- So tell me,
how did you two meet?
473
00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,344
- Oh, I'm glad you asked.
474
00:19:04,413 --> 00:19:05,724
It's a really great story.
475
00:19:05,793 --> 00:19:07,000
- No, it ain't.
476
00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:09,551
- She's so shy.
Let me tell it, baby.
477
00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:12,172
- Yeah, I would love
to hear your version.
478
00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:15,000
- OK, well,
we were on opposing teams
479
00:19:15,068 --> 00:19:16,551
on our softball league.
480
00:19:16,620 --> 00:19:20,241
Yeah, and I hit a line drive
straight into the gap.
481
00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:22,000
No pun intended.
482
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:24,000
[laughter]
483
00:19:24,068 --> 00:19:27,379
And then I rounded third base,
and who was standing there
484
00:19:27,448 --> 00:19:31,103
but big, old Pat
blocking the plate.
485
00:19:31,172 --> 00:19:33,206
So I had to do
what I had to do.
486
00:19:33,275 --> 00:19:34,655
- I see.
487
00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:37,827
- So we ended up
on top of each other. Yup.
488
00:19:37,896 --> 00:19:41,689
My ass in the air,
and her face in the dirt.
489
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:44,586
And we've been like
that all these years.
490
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:48,344
- Beautiful story.
491
00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:50,000
- Yeah, you remember
that day, Pat?
492
00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:51,344
- Yeah.
493
00:19:51,413 --> 00:19:53,310
And from that day forward,
every time
494
00:19:53,379 --> 00:19:56,310
her ass was in the air,
I'd rather eat dirt.
495
00:19:57,310 --> 00:19:58,724
- Hey.
496
00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:00,517
How come y'all ain't tell me
dinner was happening?
497
00:20:00,586 --> 00:20:03,034
Why y'all holding hands?
498
00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:04,482
- This is my son Brandon.
499
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,103
He's opposite of Janelle.
500
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,344
He's a loser.
- [chuckles]
501
00:20:08,413 --> 00:20:10,620
- Janelle, what's going on?
502
00:20:10,689 --> 00:20:12,862
[laughs] What?
503
00:20:14,448 --> 00:20:17,689
- My God, you two must have
been babies when you had him.
504
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,965
- Oh, no, he's from
an old relationship
505
00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:22,241
back when I used to like dick.
506
00:20:23,724 --> 00:20:26,620
- [chuckles] Yeah,
I just love my two mothers.
507
00:20:26,689 --> 00:20:29,413
All these years and they're
still as affectionate as ever.
508
00:20:29,482 --> 00:20:30,586
Come on, guys.
509
00:20:30,655 --> 00:20:32,241
Show him how you be kissing.
510
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:34,275
- Kiss my ass!
511
00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:35,965
- Mama.
512
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:37,827
- OK, um,
513
00:20:37,896 --> 00:20:41,551
you have a very explicit
way with words, Pat.
514
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:43,896
Shocking, but amusing.
515
00:20:43,965 --> 00:20:46,896
- Yeah, I scooped Pat up
out the dumpster,
516
00:20:46,965 --> 00:20:48,965
and then cleaned that ass up.
517
00:20:49,034 --> 00:20:51,000
[both chuckle]
518
00:20:51,068 --> 00:20:52,241
But you know the old saying,
519
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:54,724
you can't take the street
out the girl.
520
00:20:54,793 --> 00:20:57,206
- I'm going to meet you
in the street after this.
521
00:20:57,275 --> 00:21:00,344
- OK, OK, I don't think
Mr. Porter wants to hear that.
522
00:21:00,413 --> 00:21:02,586
- Oh, Janelle,
you're still here?
523
00:21:02,655 --> 00:21:05,068
- Yes, let's focus
on our star student.
524
00:21:05,137 --> 00:21:08,655
Janelle, your application
says you have a perfect GPA.
525
00:21:08,724 --> 00:21:10,310
- Mm-hmm.
- That's outstanding.
526
00:21:10,379 --> 00:21:12,034
Any extracurricular activities?
527
00:21:12,103 --> 00:21:14,689
- Oh, well, if extracurricular
means being extra,
528
00:21:14,758 --> 00:21:17,965
then, yeah, she's got those.
529
00:21:18,034 --> 00:21:20,827
- Actually,
I'm on the debate team.
530
00:21:20,896 --> 00:21:23,275
I participate
in student government.
531
00:21:23,344 --> 00:21:25,620
And I volunteer at the library.
532
00:21:25,689 --> 00:21:28,724
- The library never needed
no volunteers.
533
00:21:30,689 --> 00:21:32,413
- An impressive resume.
534
00:21:32,482 --> 00:21:34,724
I'm sure any institution
of higher learning
535
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,620
would be proud
to have you matriculate.
536
00:21:36,689 --> 00:21:39,655
- Oh, my God, I love
the way that you talk.
537
00:21:41,310 --> 00:21:43,655
With all those nouns
and verbs
538
00:21:43,724 --> 00:21:48,137
and, you know, the stuff
you said about urinating.
539
00:21:48,206 --> 00:21:49,655
- [laughs]
540
00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:51,620
- Baby!
541
00:21:51,689 --> 00:21:53,758
You know we got
things to do tonight.
542
00:21:53,827 --> 00:21:57,310
We going to the WNBA game
and shop for some Subarus.
543
00:21:58,517 --> 00:21:59,689
- Hey, everybody.
544
00:21:59,758 --> 00:22:02,103
- And this is my daughter,
Ashley.
545
00:22:02,172 --> 00:22:05,620
- Yes, Ashley is also
of the lesbian persuasion.
546
00:22:05,689 --> 00:22:07,172
- What do you mean also?
547
00:22:07,241 --> 00:22:08,551
- Me and Denise is gay.
548
00:22:11,448 --> 00:22:13,827
- [laughs]
549
00:22:13,896 --> 00:22:14,896
Perfect.
550
00:22:20,655 --> 00:22:22,206
- What's all of this?
551
00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:23,448
- Terry.
552
00:22:26,482 --> 00:22:27,965
- Uh, I thought you were Terry.
553
00:22:28,034 --> 00:22:29,379
- I am Terry.
554
00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:32,379
With an I.
555
00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:34,482
Stop playing, Denise.
556
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,689
- Why are you
calling me Denise?
557
00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:42,206
- Well, Denny
is short for Denise,
558
00:22:42,275 --> 00:22:43,965
because that's
a guy's name too.
559
00:22:44,034 --> 00:22:45,965
Yeah, that's our cousin.
560
00:22:46,034 --> 00:22:49,793
Denny, this is Mr. Porter,
the scholarship rep, remember?
561
00:22:49,862 --> 00:22:51,620
- Oh, that's funny,
because I was told
562
00:22:51,689 --> 00:22:53,758
it was on a different night.
563
00:22:53,827 --> 00:22:55,206
Can I speak to you
for a second, Pat?
564
00:22:55,275 --> 00:22:57,413
- Mm-mm.
565
00:22:57,482 --> 00:22:59,000
- Pat.
- Mom.
566
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,310
- Hey, baby, I come in peace.
567
00:23:06,379 --> 00:23:07,689
All right?
568
00:23:07,758 --> 00:23:09,034
I was talking to Ashley
on the ride over,
569
00:23:09,103 --> 00:23:10,689
and I'm ready to talk.
570
00:23:10,758 --> 00:23:12,344
- Don't you see all
the shit going on?
571
00:23:12,413 --> 00:23:13,758
- Um, should I go?
572
00:23:13,827 --> 00:23:14,620
- No.
573
00:23:14,689 --> 00:23:16,689
- Oh, OK. [chuckles]
574
00:23:16,758 --> 00:23:19,413
- Now go on back to your
little hotel room, Terry.
575
00:23:19,482 --> 00:23:22,137
- I'm Denise, remember?
576
00:23:22,206 --> 00:23:23,896
So once again, you--
577
00:23:23,965 --> 00:23:25,724
you ain't gonna even consider
your husband's feelings.
578
00:23:25,793 --> 00:23:27,379
- OK, Denise,
I asked you nicely.
579
00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:29,103
Stay out of my marriage.
580
00:23:34,517 --> 00:23:36,724
- I did consider your feelings,
but at the end of the day,
581
00:23:36,793 --> 00:23:38,068
I had to listen
to the right one.
582
00:23:38,137 --> 00:23:39,517
Mine.
583
00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:40,620
- You always listen to
yourself and no one else,
584
00:23:40,689 --> 00:23:41,827
and that's the problem.
585
00:23:41,896 --> 00:23:43,379
- You're the fucking problem!
586
00:23:43,448 --> 00:23:44,724
- You want to say that again!
587
00:23:44,793 --> 00:23:47,000
- Oh, no, I definitely
should go.
588
00:23:47,068 --> 00:23:48,862
- Yeah, so should I.
589
00:23:50,172 --> 00:23:51,758
- Wait, baby, I--
590
00:23:53,034 --> 00:23:54,862
- Damn, Pat.
591
00:23:54,931 --> 00:23:57,862
You cheating on me
with this bald bitch.
592
00:24:02,241 --> 00:24:04,172
- Mr. Porter.
593
00:24:04,241 --> 00:24:05,793
Can I call you Tyrese?
594
00:24:05,862 --> 00:24:07,103
- No.
595
00:24:07,172 --> 00:24:08,724
- Oh, classic Tyrese.
596
00:24:08,793 --> 00:24:10,206
[laughs]
597
00:24:10,275 --> 00:24:13,206
Listen, can you please
give Janelle another chance?
598
00:24:13,275 --> 00:24:15,413
- I don't think there's
anything more to see here.
599
00:24:15,482 --> 00:24:16,827
- Well, I mean, are you sure?
600
00:24:16,896 --> 00:24:18,344
After all, I ain't married
to Pat no more.
601
00:24:18,413 --> 00:24:19,724
- [chuckles] You never were.
602
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:21,172
- OK, well, hold up. Hold up.
603
00:24:21,241 --> 00:24:23,931
OK, this is all my fault.
I take all the blame.
604
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,689
But I just think that
Janelle is an amazing kid,
605
00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:28,586
and she really deserves
another chance.
606
00:24:28,655 --> 00:24:30,137
- Yes, she is amazing,
607
00:24:30,206 --> 00:24:32,586
but there are a lot of other
deserving students out there
608
00:24:32,655 --> 00:24:34,448
with families
who won't pretend to be queer
609
00:24:34,517 --> 00:24:36,241
to be more interesting.
610
00:24:36,310 --> 00:24:38,172
- Ooh.
611
00:24:38,241 --> 00:24:40,896
Are you sure...
612
00:24:42,517 --> 00:24:44,413
That there's not something
613
00:24:44,482 --> 00:24:46,517
or someone worth staying for?
614
00:24:46,586 --> 00:24:48,172
- [chuckles]
615
00:24:48,241 --> 00:24:49,586
Are you bribing me?
616
00:24:49,655 --> 00:24:52,206
- No, I ain't bribing you.
617
00:24:52,275 --> 00:24:54,517
I'm vibing.
618
00:24:54,586 --> 00:24:56,448
You know, this is
a Black scholarship.
619
00:24:56,517 --> 00:24:57,620
That's what Black folks do.
620
00:24:57,689 --> 00:24:59,517
We vibe. [laughs]
621
00:24:59,586 --> 00:25:02,000
Niggas died for the vibe.
622
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:06,206
- Well, there was someone
in this house
623
00:25:06,275 --> 00:25:07,620
I found attractive.
624
00:25:07,689 --> 00:25:10,379
- Okay. [chuckles]
625
00:25:10,448 --> 00:25:12,965
- Not you.
- Oh.
626
00:25:13,034 --> 00:25:15,586
OK, well, they better not be
Janelle, because I will gladly
627
00:25:15,655 --> 00:25:17,275
rip out your ribs
and have my ass
628
00:25:17,344 --> 00:25:20,655
a bloody backyard barbecue
in this bitch.
629
00:25:20,724 --> 00:25:24,724
- No, I was actually
speaking about Brandon.
630
00:25:24,793 --> 00:25:26,310
[clears throat]
631
00:25:26,379 --> 00:25:28,344
- Oh, OK.
632
00:25:28,413 --> 00:25:29,586
So you are--
633
00:25:29,655 --> 00:25:31,965
- Uh, gay. Yes.
634
00:25:34,793 --> 00:25:37,000
- Praise God.
635
00:25:37,068 --> 00:25:41,068
Oh, Jesus, I thought
I was losing my touch.
636
00:25:41,137 --> 00:25:42,896
Ooh.
637
00:25:42,965 --> 00:25:45,206
OK, so if that's what
you like,
638
00:25:45,275 --> 00:25:47,586
we definitely can make
that happen.
639
00:25:47,655 --> 00:25:50,586
Now, did you know
that he was a stripper?
640
00:25:50,655 --> 00:25:52,586
So if you come on back inside,
641
00:25:52,655 --> 00:25:55,172
I can get you
in his champagne room.
642
00:25:56,724 --> 00:25:58,689
- You're not helping.
643
00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:03,344
- Oh, great,
Roe and Wade are here.
644
00:26:06,413 --> 00:26:07,896
- What you doing up here, baby?
645
00:26:07,965 --> 00:26:10,103
- I'm just looking
at my application essay,
646
00:26:10,172 --> 00:26:12,413
which, after that
display downstairs,
647
00:26:12,482 --> 00:26:14,344
appears like a complete lie.
648
00:26:16,896 --> 00:26:19,620
- Janelle, we're sorry.
- It's too late.
649
00:26:19,689 --> 00:26:22,206
I mean, you two really
blew this for me.
650
00:26:22,275 --> 00:26:24,655
You couldn't pretend
to be civil for five minutes.
651
00:26:24,724 --> 00:26:26,241
- Hey, hey now.
652
00:26:26,310 --> 00:26:27,448
Let us fix it, baby.
653
00:26:27,517 --> 00:26:29,413
- It's too late to fix it.
654
00:26:29,482 --> 00:26:31,172
He's gone.
655
00:26:31,241 --> 00:26:32,620
- No, he's not.
656
00:26:32,689 --> 00:26:34,620
I told Denise don't
let him leave.
657
00:26:34,689 --> 00:26:36,379
- Aunt Denise?
658
00:26:36,448 --> 00:26:38,965
Let me get down there.
659
00:26:39,034 --> 00:26:43,241
You know, why don't you just
let Brandon take my SAT next?
660
00:26:54,206 --> 00:26:55,379
- Mm.
661
00:26:55,448 --> 00:26:56,965
- What?
662
00:26:59,862 --> 00:27:03,206
- "All of my friends
complain about their parents.
663
00:27:03,275 --> 00:27:04,689
"Not me.
664
00:27:04,758 --> 00:27:06,758
"Never me.
665
00:27:06,827 --> 00:27:09,310
"This world is full
of choppy waters,
666
00:27:09,379 --> 00:27:12,689
"but they always have
been my lighthouse.
667
00:27:12,758 --> 00:27:15,758
Casting out darkness and--"
668
00:27:15,827 --> 00:27:17,413
- "Illuminating."
669
00:27:17,482 --> 00:27:20,896
- "Illuminating my path with
bright, unconditional love.
670
00:27:20,965 --> 00:27:24,000
Love for me, but also"--
671
00:27:28,551 --> 00:27:31,000
- "Love for each other."
672
00:27:33,103 --> 00:27:34,172
- Wow.
673
00:27:34,241 --> 00:27:37,275
- Pat, Terry,
come on down here!
674
00:27:44,965 --> 00:27:47,103
- Thank you so much
for coming back.
675
00:27:47,172 --> 00:27:49,655
- Well, Denise was
very persuasive.
676
00:27:49,724 --> 00:27:52,000
- Wow, Auntie, what you say?
677
00:27:52,068 --> 00:27:53,379
- Don't worry about it.
678
00:27:53,448 --> 00:27:55,862
Just keep your mouth
shut and stay pretty.
679
00:28:00,275 --> 00:28:03,172
- Mr. Porter, I just want
to say I'm sorry that
680
00:28:03,241 --> 00:28:07,000
we all lied to you and for
everything that was said
681
00:28:07,068 --> 00:28:10,172
and done since you walked
through the door.
682
00:28:10,241 --> 00:28:13,103
- Just so we're clear,
you're Pat,
683
00:28:13,172 --> 00:28:15,000
and you're the real Terry?
684
00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:16,724
- And I'm the real gay.
685
00:28:16,793 --> 00:28:18,827
Hey.
686
00:28:18,896 --> 00:28:21,379
- Pat and I had
a misunderstanding that
687
00:28:21,448 --> 00:28:24,379
led to all this drama tonight,
and this had nothing
688
00:28:24,448 --> 00:28:25,724
to do with Janelle.
689
00:28:25,793 --> 00:28:27,344
We take full responsibility.
690
00:28:27,413 --> 00:28:29,517
- I don't know if you married,
Mr. Porter,
691
00:28:29,586 --> 00:28:31,310
but this shit is hard.
692
00:28:31,379 --> 00:28:34,000
- You mean, "stuff", Mama.
This stuff is hard.
693
00:28:34,068 --> 00:28:37,758
- No, I have been married
and, yes, this shit is hard.
694
00:28:38,965 --> 00:28:40,862
- Regardless,
this is our family
695
00:28:40,931 --> 00:28:42,448
through the good and the bad.
696
00:28:42,517 --> 00:28:46,896
It's messy, but in the end,
we always make it work.
697
00:28:48,137 --> 00:28:49,620
- That's the kind
of example we want
698
00:28:49,689 --> 00:28:51,172
to try to show our children.
699
00:28:51,241 --> 00:28:54,000
- And if you want
to find another student
700
00:28:54,068 --> 00:28:57,482
with a more
conventional family,
701
00:28:57,551 --> 00:28:59,206
I understand.
702
00:28:59,275 --> 00:29:03,068
- Well, I'll admit
I was a bit taken aback
703
00:29:03,137 --> 00:29:07,241
by the lying and the yelling
and the pimping. [laughs]
704
00:29:07,310 --> 00:29:08,689
- Pimping?
705
00:29:08,758 --> 00:29:10,448
- Say what?
706
00:29:10,517 --> 00:29:11,793
- [chuckles]
707
00:29:13,758 --> 00:29:16,310
The love you folks have
for each other, it really--
708
00:29:16,379 --> 00:29:17,655
it shines through.
709
00:29:17,724 --> 00:29:20,344
And I say anyone who
can survive this family
710
00:29:20,413 --> 00:29:24,620
and make it to college deserves
some financial assistance.
711
00:29:24,689 --> 00:29:27,034
Janelle, I think you make
a perfect candidate
712
00:29:27,103 --> 00:29:29,827
for the Harriet Tubman
Education Group scholarship.
713
00:29:29,896 --> 00:29:31,517
- Are you serious?
714
00:29:33,931 --> 00:29:35,413
I get a Tubman?
715
00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:37,413
- Congrats, baby girl.
716
00:29:37,482 --> 00:29:38,758
- I'm so proud of you.
717
00:29:38,827 --> 00:29:41,379
- Yeah, congrats.
718
00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:44,206
- OK, why have you been a jerk
the last couple of days?
719
00:29:44,275 --> 00:29:46,551
- He'll never admit it,
but I know why.
720
00:29:46,620 --> 00:29:48,413
He's going to miss you.
721
00:29:48,482 --> 00:29:50,172
- Aww.
722
00:29:50,241 --> 00:29:53,206
You gonna miss me, Coonbug?
723
00:29:53,275 --> 00:29:56,206
- Oh, please,
get over yourself.
724
00:29:56,275 --> 00:29:57,896
- I'm going to miss you too.
725
00:29:57,965 --> 00:30:01,275
And don't worry, I have a whole
nother year to terrorize you.
726
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,206
- Oh, man, this is so cool.
727
00:30:05,275 --> 00:30:07,827
You get to go to
an underground school.
728
00:30:09,413 --> 00:30:11,448
Sojourner Truth
would be so proud.
729
00:30:14,448 --> 00:30:16,551
- Listen, Andy,
I know I'm supposed
730
00:30:16,620 --> 00:30:18,379
to start the tour on Monday,
731
00:30:18,448 --> 00:30:20,206
but I'm going to just
be honest with you.
732
00:30:20,275 --> 00:30:23,275
Child, my marriage is in worse
condition than your liver.
733
00:30:24,793 --> 00:30:26,034
And I need to talk to Terry
734
00:30:26,103 --> 00:30:28,000
to get us back
on the same page.
735
00:30:28,068 --> 00:30:29,310
We need to decide together
736
00:30:29,379 --> 00:30:30,620
if this tour is happening
or not.
737
00:30:30,689 --> 00:30:32,413
- [clears throat]
738
00:30:32,482 --> 00:30:33,758
- OK.
739
00:30:33,827 --> 00:30:35,655
Thank you. I'll call you later.
740
00:30:35,724 --> 00:30:37,172
Bye-bye.
741
00:30:37,241 --> 00:30:38,689
- Hey.
742
00:30:38,758 --> 00:30:40,241
- Hey.
743
00:30:40,310 --> 00:30:42,586
Is the scholarship
man still downstairs?
744
00:30:42,655 --> 00:30:46,241
- Yeah, yeah, Denise took him
down to the basement
745
00:30:46,310 --> 00:30:48,000
for some reason.
746
00:30:51,482 --> 00:30:52,620
- Why you in my room?
747
00:30:52,689 --> 00:30:54,482
- This is my room.
748
00:30:55,965 --> 00:30:57,482
It's our room.
749
00:30:57,551 --> 00:30:59,448
- It was until you left me.
750
00:30:59,517 --> 00:31:01,103
- I'm here now.
751
00:31:02,517 --> 00:31:04,034
- You left me, Terry.
752
00:31:04,103 --> 00:31:05,862
You yelled at me
and you grabbed me
753
00:31:05,931 --> 00:31:07,448
and you left me.
754
00:31:07,517 --> 00:31:09,896
People have been leaving me
my whole life.
755
00:31:09,965 --> 00:31:11,206
I never would have
thought that you
756
00:31:11,275 --> 00:31:12,517
would have walked out on me.
757
00:31:12,586 --> 00:31:14,344
- I'm sorry, Pat.
758
00:31:14,413 --> 00:31:16,965
Baby, I just needed
to breathe for a second.
759
00:31:17,034 --> 00:31:18,896
- We breathe together, Terry.
760
00:31:18,965 --> 00:31:20,758
Hell, we always
breathe together.
761
00:31:20,827 --> 00:31:22,206
- I know.
762
00:31:22,275 --> 00:31:24,379
I just...
763
00:31:24,448 --> 00:31:26,137
turned into my daddy
for a second,
764
00:31:26,206 --> 00:31:29,206
and, um,
that's the scariest thing
765
00:31:29,275 --> 00:31:32,137
I've ever felt in my life.
766
00:31:32,206 --> 00:31:34,241
I was in a whole
lot of pain, baby.
767
00:31:34,310 --> 00:31:35,827
- What about me, Terry?
768
00:31:35,896 --> 00:31:37,413
I was hurting, too.
769
00:31:37,482 --> 00:31:41,448
- I will never make
you feel that way again.
770
00:31:41,517 --> 00:31:44,310
I'll do my work if you
do yours, all right?
771
00:31:44,379 --> 00:31:48,758
And as far as I can see,
you already are.
772
00:31:48,827 --> 00:31:50,310
- What you mean?
773
00:31:50,379 --> 00:31:52,379
- What you just said
on the phone right now,
774
00:31:52,448 --> 00:31:56,103
that's exactly what I needed
to hear,
775
00:31:56,172 --> 00:31:58,068
that we're a team.
776
00:31:58,137 --> 00:31:59,482
- We supposed
to be a team, Terry,
777
00:31:59,551 --> 00:32:02,655
and we should make
every decision together.
778
00:32:02,724 --> 00:32:05,551
But that doesn't mean
we always gonna agree.
779
00:32:05,620 --> 00:32:07,000
- You right, baby.
780
00:32:07,068 --> 00:32:09,206
- You know, when it
come to my body,
781
00:32:09,275 --> 00:32:11,413
I want to hear your opinion,
because you've been making
782
00:32:11,482 --> 00:32:13,758
my body feel good for decades.
783
00:32:13,827 --> 00:32:15,551
- True, true, true, true.
784
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:20,551
- But the final decision
about my body lies with me.
785
00:32:20,620 --> 00:32:23,034
- That's fair.
786
00:32:23,103 --> 00:32:26,206
- So what do you think
about the comedy tour?
787
00:32:26,275 --> 00:32:29,137
- Ah, well, it feels
good to be asked.
788
00:32:30,551 --> 00:32:34,000
You really do care about
what I think, don't you?
789
00:32:34,068 --> 00:32:35,724
- No, but I'm learning.
790
00:32:35,793 --> 00:32:37,620
- [laughs]
791
00:32:39,241 --> 00:32:41,827
I fell in love with you
792
00:32:41,896 --> 00:32:45,379
because you're such a strong,
independent woman,
793
00:32:45,448 --> 00:32:49,068
and I promise
that I will never let that
794
00:32:49,137 --> 00:32:51,172
threaten me again, OK?
795
00:32:52,586 --> 00:32:54,000
- I love you, baby.
796
00:32:54,068 --> 00:32:55,965
- I love you, too, baby.
797
00:32:56,034 --> 00:32:57,551
Forever.
798
00:32:58,931 --> 00:33:00,896
- Forever-ever?
799
00:33:00,965 --> 00:33:02,724
- Forever-ever.
800
00:33:02,793 --> 00:33:05,241
And if you really want
to know my opinion
801
00:33:05,310 --> 00:33:07,379
about you going out
on tour
802
00:33:07,448 --> 00:33:09,034
and leaving the whole family
behind--
803
00:33:09,103 --> 00:33:11,551
- There go that bullshit.
804
00:33:11,620 --> 00:33:16,000
- My opinion is I'll be pissed
if you don't go.
805
00:33:18,620 --> 00:33:20,724
I'm behind you 100%.
806
00:33:22,068 --> 00:33:23,344
- We good?
807
00:33:23,413 --> 00:33:25,517
- If you back to liking men,
we good.
808
00:33:30,758 --> 00:33:33,931
- Now, you know that
was my damn sister.
809
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,482
- Come here.
810
00:33:37,655 --> 00:33:38,724
Yeah.
811
00:33:38,793 --> 00:33:40,344
Mm-hmm.
812
00:33:45,793 --> 00:33:47,000
Shh.
813
00:33:47,068 --> 00:33:48,827
- Flag on the play.
814
00:33:48,896 --> 00:33:50,241
We just dodged a bullet.
815
00:33:50,310 --> 00:33:52,241
You want to jump back
out in front of a gun?
816
00:33:52,310 --> 00:33:53,551
- All right, baby.
Come here.
817
00:33:53,620 --> 00:33:54,896
Come here.
818
00:33:54,965 --> 00:33:56,551
Love you.
819
00:33:59,655 --> 00:34:02,620
[indistinct speech]
820
00:34:06,965 --> 00:34:08,103
[funky music]
821
00:34:08,172 --> 00:34:10,241
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
822
00:34:10,310 --> 00:34:12,310
♪ And she don't take
no stuff ♪
823
00:34:12,379 --> 00:34:16,793
♪ She's a grown-ass woman,
and you can't get enough ♪
824
00:34:16,862 --> 00:34:21,034
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
with family and kids ♪
825
00:34:21,103 --> 00:34:23,931
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
826
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:29,793
♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪
58144
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