All language subtitles for The.Ms.Pat.Show.S02E07.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhiteHat_track3_[eng]

- "The Ms. Pat Show" is filmed

in front of
a live studio audience.

- The hardest thing
about being a comedian is

when your whole family
want to be in your act.

And then when you actually
put them in your act,

oh, child, you go from being
a funny motherfucker

to a motherfucker who thinks
she's funny.

Sometimes the truth is
what make you laugh,

even though the truth
might not be funny.

When you remove the power
from pain,

it's like a motherfucker
robbing you

with a gun with no bullets--

weak and about to get
whipped.

Why do people come
to the graveyard

fucking with dead people?

The reason why they're here is
they wanted to be alone.

That's why they died.

- I know.

That's why I wish I had brought
some plastic flowers

so we wouldn't have
to come back ever again.

- Wait.
- What's wrong?

- Look at this grave.

Is that Mr.--
Mr. John?

- Oh, my God.

What the hell is he doing
here in the cemetery?

- He dead, Denise.

What I want to know is
why the hell

he buried his self
next to our mama.

- You bet not say
a God damn thing.

- [screams]

This motherfucker's gonna
take me to hell.

[screaming]

[screams]

[chuckles]

Whoo.

Another one. [chuckles]

- ♪ Come on, it's time to go.
It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- Shit.

Y'all ain't got no more milk.

- Why are you shopping

out of our refrigerator?

- Stay out of grown folks'
business.

- I'm grown.

Why are you shopping
out of our refrigerator?

- Because I gotta make dinner
at Lee's tonight.

- Mm-hmm.

- Well, I'ma need to swipe
Lee's credit card

before you leave
out this kitchen, yeah?

- Well, how about I just wash
your dishes?

- And my car.

Can you please pass
the syrup?

- Oh, fuck yeah, nigga,

I'll pass this shit
right the fuck over, bitch.

- What, did you catch
cussing Tourette's overnight?

- No, I gotta meet
Lee's parents tonight,

Mr. Clean and Mrs. Cleaner,

so I'm just trying to get
all my cussing out now.

You know, fuck, shit, piss,
ass, and so on.

- Well, thank you for doing
that in front of my children.

- Have you met their mama?

- Lazarus, come forth!

- Don't talk to me like that,
Mighty Long.

- Boy, why are you sleeping
at the breakfast table?

- Got a new job

and I'm working
the night shift.

But I don't want to bore y'all
with the details.

- We never asked for them.

- Yeah, you plenty boring
already without having to go

through all that trouble.
- Mm-hmm.

- Big news, y'all,
I had a dream.

- Nobody cares unless you're

a juicy-lipped preacher
named Martin.

- You know, I never remember
my dreams.

- I bet your
crusty-ass sheets remember.

- You know what?
I am done eating.

- So in my dream,
we went to Mama's grave

and Mr. John was buried
next to her.

- Mama's boyfriend, Mr. John?

- Yeah. And he bust his fist
right out of the dirt.

You know, like in one
of those horror movies

where they throw the tampons
at the ginger bitch?

- I don't want to hear
the rest of it, Pat.

- Fine. But listen,
it made me think of a joke

about when he used
to abuse us.

- A joke.
- Yeah, you want to hear it?

So...
[blender whirring]

- Enough of this.
[laughs]

- Jesus, Mom.

- I wasn't looking for Jesus.

I was looking for laughter.

Why y'all ain't laughing?

- Uh--[chuckles weakly]
That wasn't funny.

- Not at all.
That's some, um,

pretty heavy material
for 8:00 a.m.

- Well, I mean,
did you not understand it?

Let me start over.
- No, I understood it.

That's the problem.

You don't need to be bringing
all that up.

- It was just a joke, Denise.

- Well, not everything's
meant to be a joke, Pat.

- Ain't this some bullshit?
I'm hilarious.

And I'm cursed
with an unfunny-ass family.

You know what?
I see why Michael left.

Y'all a bunch
of hatin'-ass Jermaines.

- Well, can we just agree
to make breakfast

a sexual-assault-free zone?

- Really, Terry?

You sitting there assaulting
that pig right now.

You really didn't think
my joke was funny?

- No.

And I don't want you telling it
ever again.

- But it's gonna kill.

- It's gonna kill
my God damn soul, Pat.

- Well, then don't come
to the club, Denise.

- There are
more important things

than getting laughs.

- Not to a comedian.

Laughter is how I deal
with this shit.

- You and me haven't even had
a conversation about Mr. John

and what he did to us.

And now a bunch of strangers
gonna be laughing about it?

- When do I need to have
a conversation with you

about the jokes
that I do on stage?

- When the jokes have things
that happened to me.

- Don't you mean us?
'Cause I was there, too.

- Exactly.

Which is why I don't want
you talking about it.

- Fine.

You right.

I'll leave your half out.

- Piss, shit, dick, ass.

- Can you please keep
your nasty,

City Girl underpants
out of my laundry?

- With all those
OnlyFans subscriptions

you should know
it's called a thong.

And that's not mine.

- Ugh. They're Mama's?

- [chuckles]

Mama can barely keep
her bra on.

You think she gonna be wearing
something that's digging

in her cheeks all day?

- Well, then who's the freak?

- Where'd you find it?

- It was
in with my clean clothes.

- Wasn't Daddy doing laundry?
Maybe it's his.

- Now, you know, not one part
of Dad fits in here.

But, you know, he has been
getting home late

a lot recently.

- Yeah, but he's been working
overtime.

- Maybe.

Or maybe he's cheating on Mom
with a hooker.

- [scoffs] The term "hooker"
is offensive, Junebug.

They like to be called
"sex workers."

How is "sex worker"
better than "hooker"?

You might as well call them
a coochie congress

or super-spreaders.

- Okay. Stop, please.

And, look, Daddy would never
cheat on Mom.

She'd kill him.

And then she'll kill us
for being half of him.

- You ain't lying.

- But that thong belongs
to somebody.

- [gasps] Thong?

Janelle, that is so offensive.

The term is "anal floss."

- [squeals]

Boy...
[squeals]

- Thank you for letting me
swing by Pat's.

I forgot my bag of groceries.
[chuckles]

And thank you for coming
to church with me.

I didn't know you were saved.
- Oh, I am.

All my life, actually.

That aside,
I was just about to ask you

if you wanted to go
to that new strip club

with me tonight?

- Girl.
- What?

- Didn't you just leave
the church house?

- Um, as a good Christian,
I feel like it's our duty

to support those boys
through college.

Okay, fine.
But I'm not going without you,

so I'll just wait.

Denise?

I hate to pry, you just seem
a little troubled.

You know, you can talk to me
about anything.

You know that, right?

- Yeah, I'm--I'm fine.

It's just something
from my past

keeps coming back to haunt me,

and every time it does
it makes me do things

I don't really want to do.

- Oof, well, I can relate
to that.

- You can?
- Ooh, yeah.

I have a whole dark chapter
in my life

that I've never quite reckoned
with.

- Well, don't be tease, bitch,
spit that shit out.

- [sighs]

I had a car accident.

And I ran over--

ran over a puppy
in the street.

And it still haunts me,
you know?

I can't even babysit
my nephews

because they like to watch
"Paw Patrol."

It--it's hard.

- Wow, no "Paw Patrol."
Tragic.

Yeah, no, my shit's

a little bit darker than that.
[chuckles weakly]

- Oh, well, do you want
to talk about it?

- Well, I've gotta warn you
it's pretty rough.

- I'm sure I can take it.

- When me and my sister
were kids,

our mom had this boyfriend,
Mr. John.

And he would always take us
on long drives to a cemetery.

And then he would park
and he'd put on this song,

"If Loving You is Wrong."

And every time
that song came on,

he would just start
touching us.

- Oh, shit!

Ooh! No.

Sorry.

Yeah, I can't really relate
to that.

But the puppy did touch
all four of my wheels.

- It's okay, I get it.

Guess I'll just have to stay
messed up.

- No, no.

Do not think of it like that.

[phone ringing]
- One sec.

Hey, Lee.

Oh, shoot, babe.
I forgot.

I totally lost track of time.

I'm--I'm on my way now.
Okay.

Bye.

- Well, it sounds
like you have to go,

but just--just try to remember

that sometimes things happen
for a reason.

- Well, what's the reason?

- To make us stronger.

- You can't even watch
"Blue's Clues" without crying.

- Okay, but I can do "Clifford"
because he's not a puppy.

- Clifford is a puppy.
He's just really big.

- What?

Wait, what?

[weeping] Oh, my God,
are you kidding me?

- Hey, so since you was
offended this morning,

I think I made the joke better
for weak-asses like you.

- I already heard it, Ma.
- No, I punched it up.

It's much better.
Listen.

So, Mr. John...

- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪

♪ From your head
to your toes ♪

♪ And I want to move ♪

- Brandon, turn
that God damn music off.

- Sorry, Ma!

- What did you think?

- I think you made it worse.

It's offensive.

- I'm the one who got molested.
Laugh at it.

- I don't want to laugh at it.

- I swear
your generation hate comedy.

- No, we just think comedy

should be about punching up.

- Just because something
happened to somebody

don't mean
they can't laugh at it.

- Hey, Ma, uh,
have you seen Dad?

Shouldn't he be home by now?
- He working late.

- I love you, Ma.
It's gonna be all right.

- What the fuck is wrong
with your weird ass?

- Dad, you're here.
- Yeah, baby.

- Why is your shirt untucked?

- Boy, my shirt
always untucked.

Who are you,
the damn shirt-tucking police?

Now, look, you and Janelle
go on upstairs

so I can speak
with your mother.

Wait--ah--

- Just FYI,
I love this family.

Our family.

- That boy gets weirder
by the day.

- Um, listen, Denise wanted
me to talk to you

about that joke
you told this morning.

- Yeah, I want to tell you
about it.

I fixed it. So, look...
- Uh-huh.

- When Mr. John
would pick us up...

- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪

♪ From your head
to your toes ♪

- Brandon, turn
that God damn music off

before I flood that basement
like Katrina.

- Yay! FEMA check.

- So what do you think?

- Baby, I didn't want
to hear it again.

I just wanted to tell you
not to do it anymore.

- [scoffs]

Do Denise
and the Comedy Killers

done got to you too.

- Oh, hey, Pat, wait--
look, now.

Don't you understand
that something like this

might bother your sister?

- I don't tell cat jokes,
Terry.

I tell pussy jokes.

And y'all know my humor is
as dark as you.

- All right, okay.

Remember how my nappy hair joke
triggered you?

- First of all,
fuck you for saying that.

- Wow.

- And second of all,

you're not
a professional comedian.

And third of all,
the shit ain't funny.

- What, because it was
about you, right?

- This is about me too, Terry.

I'm in control of my Gospel
stage play childhood.

- Pat--
- Why can't I deal with shit

my own way?
I didn't say nothing

when she was out there
smoking crack.

- Actually--

- Facts don't matter.
I'm talking about feelings.

- Oh, so it's feelings
that matters now.

- It's my life,

so if I want to laugh about it,
let me laugh about it.

- Pat, Pat, Pat.
- Ha-ha!

- Pat, wait a minute, now.
You can't--

You ain't got to act
like that, now, Pat.

- A-ha-ha-ha.

- Hey, look here, Pat.
Now, you--

- I will laugh the black
off your ass.

- Denise said
she's running late

because she had to stop
by the church.

You're gonna love her.
She's so pious.

- Do I have time to wash my ass

before Jim and Tammy Faye
get here?

Hi.

- Jim.

- Guess that makes me
Tammy Faye.

- [clears throat]
Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry about that.

I was rushing in from church.

You know how sometimes
your ass just be sticky.

- [chuckles]
Denise, please. Stop.

It's--it's okay.
- Is it, though?

- Hey, why don't we play
a little game

while we wait for dinner.
- Peter.

- Oh, we could always use
a little fun.

How about charades?

- That is not a bad idea.

- Is it, though?

- As the kids say,
let's clown it up.

- You must speak
with some old-ass kids.

- Okay, fine.

But I should warn you,

we are charades pros.

- You know, sometimes I forget
you White,

but it's this kind of shit
that reminds me.

- "Sisterhood
of the Traveling Pants"!

- You got it!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- What pants? What hood?

- It's a movie, dear.

- Oh, okay.

'Cause unless Idris was in it,
I'm out.

- Who's Idris?

- He's who I pretend you are
on Friday nights.

- Okay, I'll go next.

Okay. Okay.

- Luther Ingram.

El Camino.

Cemetery.

- Um--
- Pied piper.

- [hisses]
- Buck-tooth pedophile.

Clifford!

Molestation.
- Okay, that's our time.

- Already? I thought that--

I thought I was getting
really close.

- Denise, honey,
is everything okay?

- Yeah, Lee, why?

- Maybe you could use
some of this.

- No, thank you, I can't.

- Of course you can.
- I said no!

- Oh!
Oh, no.

- I'm sorry.

I just don't drink no more.

But--but--but don't worry

because I've got
my Denise Grease.

You know, it's not just
a miracle hair product.

It's also a really great
industrial cleaner.

- Denise, honey, it's okay.
You don't have to.

- Yes, I do.
I gotta get the stain out.

- Okay, Denise,
we need to talk.

- Not until the mess is clean,
Lee.

- Oh, yeah, I'm eating right.

You ain't gotta worry
about that.

[chuckles]

Girl, you so crazy.

I can't wait to see
your ass again.

[laughs]

- Hang up that phone.
- What?

- What in the world
is going on in here?

- Yeah, we heard
the entire thing.

And we know you're having
an affair.

- Mm-hmm.

- Um, let me call you back.

- Not on my watch!

- An affair?
Boy, boy, boy--

That was my sister
on the phone, boy.

- You're having sex
with your sister?

- Junebug.

- Okay, okay.

But w--w--what is this, huh?

I suppose these are
our side mama's

booty-hole bonnets?

- Why are my children throwing
stripper diapers at me?

- Well, we found the thong
in the laundry.

It's not mine.
It's definitely not Mama's.

And there's
no other women here.

- You actually think
I'm gonna cheat on your mama?

How dare y'all?
She will kill me

then kill you
for being half of me.

Excuse me!

- Told you.

- [scoffs]

- You're not acting
like yourself.

Can you please tell me
what's wrong?

- Nothing's wrong.

I am so blessed, Lee.

You know, God has got
my shit on lock.

- Okay, 'cause some
of your answers in charades

seem pretty extreme,

like maybe they were
about something else.

- Well, I thought
you were miming molesting.

You're the one
I'm concerned about.

- You know you can talk
to me about anything, right?

- This ain't gonna work.

- What?

- I didn't come from a family

that plays charades
before dinner.

We played
"Are We Gonna Eat Today?"

- What does that have to do
with anything?

Why are you taking it there?

- We're too different.

And maybe we should just stop
wasting each other's time.

- Okay, look, I'm sorry
my mom offered you wine.

Okay? She didn't know.

- Okay, so your mother
didn't know

that I'm a recovering addict?

- That's not really
something you lead with

when you're introducing
someone.

- So you're ashamed of me?
I fucking knew it.

- No, no.
That's not it at all.

What is all this?
Where is this coming from?

- Where is this coming from?

Let me put it in language

you might be able
to understand.

- Okay.

Two words.

First word.

Snapping.
Uh, breaking.

Second word.

Oh, my God,
you're breaking up with me?

- Yay! We got one.

- Denise!

- And I'll be damned
if you think

I'ma let you keep my box
of the Denise Grease.

- "Walk to Remember."
- "Fast and Furious."

- "Gone Girl."

- So, guys, I don't think

my relationship
is gonna work out,

which is a bummer
because my boyfriend and I have

so much in common.

You know, like,
my love language is

affection and touching.

And his love language is
affection and touching, too.

Except he's touching
other women.

- Y'all might as well go home,

'cause you ain't gonna be able
to follow my new closer.

- Let me guess,

you got some more titillating
nipple material.

- No.
It's molestation material.

- Sounds hilarious.

- And that is my time, y'all.

But your next comic up
is hilarious.

She's also the sexiest woman
in here tonight

according to my boyfriend.

So, uh, why don't you join me
in welcoming Ms. Pat.

[applause]

[Luther Ingram's "If Loving
You is Wrong" playing]

- ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪

- ♪ I don't want
to be right ♪

♪ If being right means
being without you ♪

♪ I'd rather live
a wrong-doing life ♪

- DJ,
cut the fucking music off.

I, um--

I can't do this.

- Uh, Pat, you're being
unprofessional.

I need you to get
back on that stage.

- That song fucked me up.
- Really, Pat?

The DJ just played
my entrance song.

Go on back out there
and he'll play your Cardi B.

- I need to go find
my damn sister.

- Damn.
Now I gotta change my song

to "I Be Strokin'."

[cheering]

- ♪ She working that back ♪

♪ I don't know how to act ♪

♪ Slow motion for me,
slow motion for me ♪

♪ Slow motion for me,
move in slow motion for me ♪

- What'll you have?

- Uh, let me get a water.

- All right.
Just a water?

- Yeah.

Well, wait.
Whiskey sour.

Okay, no, wait.

What am I doing?

Hold the sour.

- ♪ If you're loving
my bark ♪

♪ Let me bury my bone ♪

♪ I got four or five
bad married at home ♪

♪ One of my fell in love ♪

♪ With that outside ♪

♪ That outside keep
them sick ♪

♪ Like, ugh, I like... ♪

- I'm so sorry, Lee.

But I promise you there are
other fish in the sea.

- I don't want other fish.

I caught Denise.

And I enjoy having her
in my bowl.

- I'm--I'm gonna drop
the fish metaphor.

- Okay.

She did seem very, um, special.

- That's one way to put it.

- She's not normally like this.

- You sure about that?
- Yes!

She is an extremely devout

church-going member
of this community

and so is her family.
- Is that so?

- Oh, yeah.

Like, her sister Pat?

She's extremely devout.

- Where my God damn sister at,
White nigga?

- Um, these are my parents.

- All right, sexy people.

Please welcome our next dancer
to the stage, Project Boy!

[cheering]

- Oh, yeah!

- ♪ Give it to me,
give it to me ♪

♪ Give it to me ♪

- Hey! Show me that ass,
Project Boy.

Whoo! Yeah, yeah.
Ah, Project Boy!

Come here.

- Stop, Auntie, it's me.

- Ooh, I like
when they call me Auntie.

Say that shit again.
- Denise.

- How the fuck you know
my name?

Oh, Brandon.

Lord Jesus, just kill me.

Take my eyes.

Nigga, what you doing up there
stripping for?

And you stuffing.

You know your dick
ain't that big.

- Shut up, Aunt Denise.

How many drinks have you had?

- As many dollars
as in your G-string.

- Coming up next
to the stage we have

Muhammad All Meat.

[cheering]

- Whoo! Yeah.

- Auntie, you know you're not
supposed to be drinking.

- And you not supposed
to be stripping.

- I'm only doing this
'cause I need extra cash

because my stuff got stolen.

- ♪ Oh, he works hard
for the money ♪

- Stop. Stop. Stop.
- [vocalizes]

- Aunt Denise, stop.

Come on.
What's going on?

Why are you doing this
to yourself?

- Okay, you're supposed to be
Project Boy.

You sound a lot like Pat.

- Okay, come one.

Let me just get you
back to Lee's house.

- I can't go to Lee's house,
nephew.

- Why?
- 'Cause his parents is there

and they hate me already.

- Okay, well,
I'll just take you home, then.

- I can't go home with you.
[whimpers]

Pat can't see me like this

or she'll have me hanging
like one of them dicks up there

choking on rubber bands.
- Okay, okay.

Auntie, focus.
All right? Focus.

- Stop, you're making me dizzy.

Listen, I'm going
to sneak you in, okay?

But you have to play this cool.

- You see this wig?

Okay, your auntie is
the blueprint for cool.

- Say, bro, I know
you're new here,

but I call
all the super-lit bitches.

- Wh--what?
- They pay more.

Newbies get the tipsy
to the medium-lit bitches.

- Oh, okay.
Well, take me, Daddy.

[giggles]
- Hey, you can call me

Mighty Long.
- No, no, no, no.

Don't call him nothing,
Aunt Denise, all right?

That's my auntie, man.

- Might Long don't give a damn.

And there ain't
no family discounts neither.

Come on, baby.
Hey!

Yabba-dabba-doo.
[laughs]

- Man, why don't you just
back the fuck off?

- I know you ain't talking
to Mighty Long.

- [scoffs] I am.

- Mighty Long got
the biggest dick in the room.

Mighty Long make the rules.
- Oh, is that right?

Well, you know
what you need to do?

You need to give your
little sister her legs back.

Who you talking to?
- What the--hey, come on, now.

- [vomits]
- Oh! [screams]

I just bought this skirt.

- It's gonna be
a mighty long cleanup.

All right, come on, Auntie.
Let me get you home.

I'ma give you your lap dance
when I get back.

- This ain't the first time

that a stripper brought
me home.

- Shh!
You're gonna get us caught.

- Then you not very good,
Project Boy,

'cause the key
to sneaking in houses is

you gotta be very quiet.

- Where the hell y'all been?

- Oh, bitch,
are you making breakfast?

'Cause I want two eggs,
some bacon...

- What the hell, Denise?
I been looking for you.

- Oh, well, she just came by
to borrow a--

- Spatula.
Boop. Boop.

Boop. Boop.

- She drunk.
- I am not drunk.

I'm lit-bricated.
That's--

That's "lit"
and "lubricated."

- Put her drunk ass
on the couch.

- Um, I--I got a new job.
And it's a--

- I don't even give a fuck,

just as long as you have
my rent money.

Put that nasty shit
in the washing machine.

- You want me to launder money?

- I don't want no money

with no ding-a-ling hair on it.

Damn, Denise,
when you fall off the wagon,

you really fall off the wagon.

I didn't fall off.
Your joke pushed me off.

- Look, you can't blame me
and everybody else

for the choices that you make.

- Right.
'Cause it's my fault, right?

It's my fault I was
a crackhead.

It's my fault
I'm an alcoholic.

It's all my fault.
Where you going?

That's right, bitch.
Y'all say--

You know what?
Tell all your fans

that I'm the fucked up sister
who ain't got shit.

Tell all the motherfuckers.

I'm sorry, Pat.

- I've been looking
for you all night.

- Let me guess, you made
the joke even more fucked up?

- No, I went on stage to do it

and the damn DJ played
the wrong intro song--

"If Loving You is Wrong."

- Oh, shit.

- And it triggered me.

Now I know
how my joke triggered you.

And that's hard to say.

- I know it's hard
for you to apologize, Pat Pat.

- No, it's hard
for me to say "trigger."

Too many consonants.

- Well, you say "nigga"
just fine.

- But that's still no reason
for you to be drinking.

- Be glad it ain't
what it could have been.

- So every time you have
a problem in your life

this is what you're gonna do?

- No, I went to church first.

- Church is not a destination,
Denise.

It's a street
to where you need to get to.

When are you gonna start taking
responsibility for yourself?

- Well, look,
I just haven't come to terms

with what happened to us, Pat.

And I don't have a way
to cope with it.

I mean, you got
your jokes and shit

to work through it your way,
and what do I got?

- You got Denise Grease.

It work for you
but it don't work

for nobody else.

- Fuck you, Pat.

But you right.
It works for me.

I wonder why Mama and Mr. John
came to you in your dream.

That's weird, right?

I think it was his way
of saying that he won,

'cause Mama died not knowing.

But I don't think she wanted
me to die without speaking.

- Not with your loud-ass mouth.

- [chuckles]

Kind of fucked up
we got our own theme song

to get molested, ain't it?

- Really, Pat?

After all of this,
you still gonna go there?

- I mean, we can always
take it back.

- What you mean?

- You shouldn't be hurt
by a joke.

And I shouldn't be hurt
by a song.

That's still giving
that bastard strength

even though he's
in the grave.

- Yeah, but how we supposed
to fix that?

- ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪

♪ I don't want to be right ♪

♪ If loving you is wrong ♪

♪ I don't want to be right ♪

♪ If being right means
being without you ♪

♪ I'd rather be
lonely in life ♪

- ♪ Your mama and daddy say ♪
- ♪ It's a shame ♪

[together]
♪ It's a downright disgrace ♪

♪ Long as I got you
by my side ♪

♪ I don't care
what the people think ♪

♪ My friends tell me
it's no future ♪

♪ In loving a married man ♪

- ♪ If I can't see you
when I want ♪

[together]
♪ I see you when I can ♪

- ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

♪ If loving you is wrong ♪
- Shut the fuck up.

- Mmm.
I'm never drinking again.

I feel like I've been beat up

by a bunch
of Floyd Mayweathers.

[phone buzzing]

- Lee calling.
You gonna get that?

- No.

I don't need that right now,
and he don't need this.

- Well, therapy's
still on the table

if you want to go.
- Man, do y'all niggas get

coupons for taking people
to therapy?

Y'all always trying to heal.

- Glad you guys are here.

Look, um--

I just want to make sure
that my little secret

stays between us.

- What, about you being
a chocolate Chippendale?

- Well, if anybody
know about doing

weird shit for money,
it's definitely me and Denise.

- Ain't that the truth.

- Your secret is safe
with us, son.

[Ludacris'
"What's Your Fantasy playing]

- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪

♪ From your head
to your toes ♪

♪ And I want to move
from the bed ♪

♪ Down to the,
down to the floor ♪

♪ Then I want to
[grunts] ♪

♪ You make it so good
I don't want to leave... ♪

- Mom.

- I wasn't gonna keep
no secret that juicy.

We ain't had a stripper
in our family

since Aunt Myrtle.

- Aunt Myrtle was a stripper?

- Uh-huh. And her stripper name
was Atlanta.

- Atlanta?

- Yeah, 'cause she was big
and Black as fuck.

[both chuckle]
- You see, now that's a joke

you can tell about family.

- Thank you, Aunt Myrtle.

- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪

♪ From your head
to your toes ♪

♪ And I want to move
from the bed ♪

♪ Down to the,
down to the floor ♪

♪ And I want to [grunts] ♪

- What in the hell
is going on--

you know what?
[chuckles]

I am way to tired

to deal
with whatever this is.

Mm-mm!

This family gets weirder
by the day.

- Shake that ass, Junebug!

- ♪ See I cast 'em,
then I passed 'em ♪

♪ Get a tight grip
and I grasp 'em ♪

♪ I flash 'em
and outlast 'em ♪

♪ And if it ain't good
then I trash 'em ♪

♪ While you stash 'em,
I'll let 'em free ♪

♪ And they tell me
what they fantasy ♪

[funky music]

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ With a husband and kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's the Ms. Pat Show ♪