Original subtitles

- One thing that I've learned in life

is that you can't control the family

that you're born into or the environment

that they fuck you up in.

Some of us spend our whole lives

trying to break some type of damn cycle,

from alcohol abuse to child abuse

to molestation to bow leggedness.

Hell, maybe you're trying to stop

being a professional food stamp collector.

I don't know what journey is,

but just because your momma did tricks for a Happy Meal

don't mean your ass can't work behind the register.

- Ohmmm. Ohmmm.

- Terry, why you on the floor

lookin' like a ghetto-ass buddha?

- I'm meditating.

My therapist said I'd reduce stress in my life

if I learned to shut out unnecessary noise.

- Yeah, I forgot my keys. You didn't hear me knockin'?

- That's the noise I was shutting out.

- Okay, well, if you're gonna shut shit out,

can you do it with one ear open and the door unlocked?

- How 'bout you remember your damn keys?

- Damn, Terry, you still look a little stressed.

You might be meditatin' wrong.

Hey, Pat, guess who has a date tonight?

- You're goin' out with Janelle's debate teacher?

Girl, he cute for a colonizer.

- Mm, yeah. I know, right?

I had no idea that I could date a Abercrombie mascot.

- You got that right.

Your dates are usually loud, got bullet wounds,

commitment issues, kids,

no car, and a felony record.

- Oh, well I guess we got the same taste.

- Mm.

Uh, Denise, you forget somethin'?

- What?

both: Your keys.

- Good lookin' out. - Mm-hmm.

Girl, your sister got a memory like a newborn.

Uh, where are the Black and Whites?

- I don't know why you like them fake-ass Oreos.

They don't even got no cream in the middle.

- Which is perfect when I'm on a diet.

- Well, from now on, these are your Black and Whites.

You need to start eatin' healthier

so you can beat that damn gout.

- Well, baby, the cookies beat the stress and the stress

is what causes the gout.

- Then guess what, you're gonna be rollin' right here

like the mama from "Soul Food" if you keep on with that shit.

- Hey, look. If I gotta eat healthier, you do too.

I mean, you could stand to lose--

- A husband if you finish that damn sentence.

- Well, baby, if you leave now, I'll just miss more of you.

Diet with me. It'll help.

- And what do I get out of it?

- The pride of bein' a supportive wife. [kisses]

- I don't want that.

- Speakin' of bein' a supportive wife--

- Oh, shit.

- I'm meetin' my therapist tomorrow,

and she wants you to join us.

- Hell no.

Therapy's good for you.

Black women only need gospel music and Keyshia Cole.

- Can you please just give it a try?

It's important to me. - Fine.

But if that therapist start askin' me personal shit,

I'm gonna pump that bitch in her mouth.

- Yeah, you don't need therapy. [scoffs]

- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪

♪ It's the "Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- [laughing] Oh.

Damn, Lee.

If I knew this date was gonna be this fun,

I wouldn't have ordered these three extra entrees.

- And I never would have had my sister call

to say that my mom died.

She's alive, by the way.

- Uh, yeah. 'Cause I was wonderin'

why you didn't get up to leave.

Although, I would've whupped your ass had you tried.

- I don't know if I should feel flattered or threatened.

- Well, who says you gotta pick?

- Hm. Well, then maybe I'll decide after our second date.

- And who said you're gettin' a second date?

- That actually was me asking.

Uh, I mean, if it's a no, I'll leave.

- Yeah. Mm.

You waitin' on me to ask you to come back?

- Perfect. I'll, um, I'll see you then.

It's--it's getting late. I'll let you go.

- All right.

Oh, woah, now. You ain't gonna try to sneak in a kiss

or tie me up in the basement, is you?

- No!

I mean, not on the first date.

- Okay, well that's good.

'Cause you know, black women don't play that tie you up

in the basement shit.

Not until the third date.

- I'll call you.

- Ooh, y'all gonna have to forgive me, ancestors.

Damn! I forgot my key.

Shit.

[laughter]

- Oh, shit!

- Hey, wanna dance?

- Nigga, you can't even dance.

What y'all fools doin' out here?

- Nothin'.

- Then why y'all sprayin' air freshener outside?

- [coughs] It's outdoor fresh.

- I know you ain't smokin' weed at my sister's house.

And where the hell did y'all get it from?

- I don't know.

- Well, you better start knowin'.

- We got it from this dangerous dealer named Squid.

From the east side.

- Nigga, the east side of Plainfield is a cul-de-sac.

Y'all went to the hood to get drugs?

- No. He met us here.

[laughs]

- Y'all so dumb.

This ain't even weed. This is parsley.

- What? No, it's not.

- Black folks use parsley in everything.

I know nigger glitter when I see it.

- If it's parsley, then why do I feel so high?

- Probably 'cause your mama use opioids.

- I can't believe we wasted my money on this.

Thanks, Ryan. - Your money?

How much did it cost?

- He paid 20 bucks for this.

- Y'all paid $20 for a joint of nigger glitter?

Look, Beavis and Butt-Head, go on somewhere now.

I need to have a word with my nephew.

- Sorry, man. Hope she goes easy on you.

- You gon' let these fools get your Black card revoked.

- Auntie, please don't tell Mom and Dad.

- Don't worry, I won't.

But I am gonna need you to call Squid

and tell him you need some more spices.

- What? No, I'm not callin' Squid.

- Oh, yes, the hell you are. 'Cause I'll be damned

if my nephew get robbed in a all-White neighborhood.

- This healthy shit is killin' me.

Anybody ever died from bein' on a diet?

- Mom! What are you lookin' for?

- Somethin' healthy.

Like a carrot...

cake.

- Ma, you can't eat Denise's dessert!

- Yes, the hell I can. I'm eatin' it so your daddy don't.

- You're not gonna lose weight if you keep lyin' to yourself.

- Tell that to my ID.

My weight go down every time I renew it.

And it's just one little bite.

- All right. But that's what everyone says

right before they end up on "My 600 Pound Life."

- Superstar, you ready to go--

What you doin'?

- Tryin' to tell Janelle not to eat this kinda stuff.

- I know good 'n damn well you wasn't about to eat dat.

- I wasn't.

both: Yes, she was.

- You know y'all were accidents, right?

- I can't believe you'd break our pact.

Gimme that. Gimme that! I'm tossin' it.

- Where you gonna toss it, in your fat-ass belly?

I don't trust you with it. - And I don't trust you either,

none. - And I don't trust you either.

- I don't trust you either. - All right, all right.

Jeez.

See? And who says I don't help out?

You're welcome.

- And I was just gonna-- [both laugh]

- 'Sup?

- [laughs]

- Are you Junebug?

- Oh, child.

This is who you scared of?

[laughs] He's so tiny!

I could use you for a tampon.

All right, look, you sold my nephew some oregano.

- [laughs] Some parsley. - I don't give a fuck

what it was! - [shushing]

- I don't give a fuck what it was.

We wasn't makin' no damn spaghetti.

Now give him his money back.

- I don't have a return policy!

- Well, your little ass better get one.

- Look. If he is dumb enough to buy parsley,

he shouldn't be doin' drugs anyway.

- You do have a point there.

Hey, hey, come on. Bring your little

grand-daddy from "Hey Arnold!" lookin' ass back here.

- I'm sorry, I beg your pardon,

old ass lady?

- Oh, obviously you wanna get into some gangster shit,

you little mush-mouthed mother fucker.

Where I'm from, we eat punks like you for breakfast.

You wanna be a omelet, nigga?

- No.

- No, what? - No...ma'am?

- That's what I thought, Squid.

Your little bitch ass better show some respect.

Now, dig this here.

You gon' give my nephew his money back

or I'ma pull out my blade

and have some calamari up in this bitch.

- With a side of fries.

- Sit the fuck down.

- Okay, look, look, look. I don't have his money, okay?

Listen, all I got is more parsley and--

And this pot brownie. Okay?

I was gonna eat it myself, but you guys can have it.

It's legit, I promise.

- All right.

Go and get your little Justin Bieber-lookin' ass outta here.

Or I'll call the cops. Mm.

Never mind, they might shoot me.

And say no to drugs.

- Thanks again for helpin' me out.

- Mm-hmm. [phone buzzes]

Oh, this is Lee.

Hey, boo. [laughs]

What you doin'?

Ooh, you so nasty! [laughs]

You know, I like it when you talk about

that uncooked chicken leg.

Hold on, baby, this is an outside conversation.

What was you sayin'?

[door shuts]

- What did you just drop on the floor, Pat?

- Oh, there's a brownie. How did that get on the floor?

- You must think I'm Boo Boo the fool.

- Okay, you got me. - Hm.

- Since it's on the floor,

might as well put it in the trash.

- It's in the baggie still, Ma!

- She gonna wait for you to put it in the trash

so she can eat it later.

- You just mad 'cause I seen it first.

- You always cheatin', Pat!

- You cheatin' too! You just-- - I ain't cheatin' nothin'.

What you talkin' bout? You don't--

- All right!

- You ain't have to do that!

C'mon, Pat. We gonna be late. Let's go.

- You suck when you healthy. - Yeah.

- Wait! I left my math book in the car.

- All right.

Come on. - Hey, can y'all stop

bringin' these snacks before I start lookin' like y'all?

- No, you! Will you stop playin' and just hang up?

[laughs]

Uh, let me-- let me call you back, Lee.

Ohh!

Damn, damn, damn!

- How she gonna help somebody?

She got jacks and no balls.

- Oh. Good to see you again.

- Mm-hm.

- Terry told me you'd be reluctant to come down.

- I told him black women don't do therapy.

- Say it ain't so.

- It ain't so.

- Isn't your daughter a therapist also?

- Yeah, but she's gay.

Look, I don't have any type of childhood trauma

from, you know, therapy or gay people.

I'm just sayin' we're here for him.

Let's do him. Let me shut the hell up.

What is she writin' down?

- Baby, just calm down.

Now, we need to do this.

- No, this is your thing.

- I'm not doin' it for me, it'll help us.

- Is it really that important to you, Terry?

- Yes. I already paid her.

- You only paid the damn $10 co-pay.

- All right.

Let's get started, shall we?

- Oh, hell.

- Junebug!

- What? What?

- Why is this Ziplock bag empty?

- That's how they come.

- Nigga, where is the brownie?

- Oh! Uh-oh.

- I told you not to eat that shit.

- Oh, Auntie, I didn't eat it!

- Well, if you didn't eat it, who did?

- Oh, shit! I ate drugs?

- I'm so sorry, Nelle. But look, it's not a big deal.

- No, no, I--I did drugs?

- Well, technically you didn't know that you were doin' them.

- Yeah, and it was Junebug's brownie.

- [gasps] My brother roofied me?

- Okay, no. I didn't.

And please never say that again.

- Are you all right, Janelle? - [groaning nervously]

- Of course she is. And everything's gonna be fine.

I mean, damn. It's just some weed and sugar.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No! It's not!

If anyone finds out, I'm gonna get kicked outta school!

I mean, before you know it,

I'll be some jobless loser,

living with her sister and her dumb kids.

- Okay, I'ma let that shit slide,

since Junebug roofied you.

- You're the one that told me

to have a drug dealer come over here.

- Y'all brought a drug dealer to the house?

- No, okay?

Technically it was in the back yard.

- Okay, look, everybody just shut up!

Um, there's no need to point fingers.

Um, Janelle, baby, come on with Auntie. Yes.

Since you done messed around and ate a whole pot brownie,

we gotta get some food in this belly.

- Okay, just a little.

- Damn. You got the munchies like a motherfucker.

- I had a lot of childhood trauma.

Hell, when I was young, my dog Pup-Pup committed suicide

'cause Ronald Reagan got re-elected.

He was a Democrat.

I tried to tell him no, Pup-Pup.

Democrats don't kill theirselves.

Republicans do.

- You talk a lot about your life as a drug dealer.

And the toxic nature of your childhood.

Did you ever do drugs?

- Hell, no. I did Chick-fil-A.

My momma did drugs, and my sister did drugs.

Hell, my sister smoked so much crack,

she smoked her neck muscle loose.

Her whole neck do a 360 now.

You ever seen a bitch drive a car,

her head go all the way around?

- So, what stopped you?

- God and common sense.

I was not gonna let my kids get stuck in that cycle.

- You can't rewrite your past.

But there's nothing stopping you

from writing the future that you want.

- Doc, she been tryin' to outrun her past her whole life.

- Terry, you ain't never seen me run.

- When did life start getting better?

- When I met Terry.

- Interesting.

Why'd you pick him?

- I can't do this shit. Wait a minute.

C'mon y'all.

'Cause he look like he didn't hit bitches

in they eyes on Friday.

- You remember how you introduced yourself?

- Yeah, I said my name was Rabbit.

And you said--

- That you was too pretty to be named after an animal.

Heh, I still feel that way.

- [chuckles] He's the first person to call me Pat.

- [laughs]

- And he challenged me to be better.

And I love him for that.

- I love her strength.

Everything that she's dealt with

has made her so damn strong.

But I, uh, I just wanna give her so much more.

Yeah. That's why we moved to Indiana.

- This is great progress, guys.

- This actually feels really good.

- Terry? - Yeah.

- Is there anything else you'd like to share?

[sighs]

- What is it, baby?

- It's Denise.

- What about Denise?

- Look, You know I love and hate her like my own sister.

You know that. All right?

And I love how you and your big heart

wants to save your whole family.

- That's what family's for.

- But she barely wants to hold down a job, baby.

You know? She's not helpin' or trying to do better.

- [scoffs] She's not that bad.

- I know. But I already have enough on my plate

without havin' to support Denise

and reminding her about her keys

like she's one of our own damn kids.

I'm--I'm--[sighs]

I'm strugglin' to pay the mortgage, feed us,

and save to help put the kids through college.

- C'mon, baby, you know only Janelle is goin' to college.

- The point is,

I feel like I'm the only one thinkin' about everything.

You know? We supposed to be a team.

- You want me to choose between you and my sister?

- I'm not askin' you to choose.

I just need you to know that sometime...

it's a lot.

- Wow.

That was brave.

But unfortunately, that is all the time we have today.

- It's up already? - Mm-hm.

- C'mon. I'll give you $10 for some more time.

So now what?

- Now you go home.

And you keep talking.

- You're actually better than Keyshia Cole.

- Please put that on Yelp.

- Go to hell.

- [laughs]

Thank you.

- You know, I wonder if Stevie Wonder

wonders what he looks like.

- That's a good question.

- Wh--no it's not.

What're we gonna do?

They're gonna be home any minute.

- Well, let's get her upstairs so she can sleep it off.

- It's 3:00.

- All right, well, then we'll just say she's sick.

C'mon, baby. C'mon, let's go upstairs.

- No, no! - Oh, yeah.

- Get off of me! You can't tell me what to do!

I'm an independent woman and I'm stayin' right here.

[groans]

- You know, fuck this.

C'mon, y'all. Help me carry her ass upstairs.

Junebug, you get the head and Brandon, you get the feet.

C'mon. - Okay, c'mon, Nelle.

- Great. There you go.

- All right. - What're you doing?

- One, two, three.

[groans] Oh, shoot.

Damn, girl. How you this heavy?

- I think it's the carrot cake.

- It's because she's floppin'. And boys, stop complainin'.

It's just like carryin' a dead body.

Don't act like you ain't never helped a friend.

[door unlocking] - Oh, quick!

Dump her on the couch. - Oh, shit. Oh, damn.

- [grunts] - Ooh!

Ow!

Y'all need to learn how to throw.

- Okay, now if they ask you, just say you're sick, okay?

- Okay, don't worry.

I'm cool. - Okay.

- I told you it was gonna be all right.

Hey, y'all. What's goin' on?

- Nothin'. Just watchin' TV.

- I think you gotta turn it on to watch it, son.

- What's goin' on with Janelle? - Oh, she's sick.

And that's why I was just about to take her upstairs.

- Ow!

- That came outta nowhere.

Hey. How you feelin'?

- I feel super high. - What?

- What did you want me to say again, Auntie?

- [mouthing]

- [sighs] I'm sorry, Auntie.

I'm gonna just go to sleep.

- Baby girl! - Janelle!

- I--am okay.

- The hell?

- [groans]

If someone dies in a living room,

is it still a living room?

- That's a good question.

- Wh--no, it's not!

- Who fucked my baby up?

- Calm down, baby. I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks.

- You're right. You're right.

Um, what had happened was, Junebug and his friends,

they bought some fake weed.

Um, fake weed. - The fake kind.

- Yeah. And--and I had them call the drug dealer, Squid,

so that I could get his money back.

And then he wouldn't so I threatened to cut his ass.

And then he gave me a pot brownie and Janelle ate it.

- Nope. It's worse.

- She was just tryin' to help.

- So you saw my son tryin' to do drugs,

and you didn't tell us?

- Well, you and Terry was stressed enough

so I thought that I could handle it.

- Oh, you handled it all right, by gettin' my best child high.

both: Hey!

- Shut up. Don't act like y'all didn't know.

And Brandon, you go upstairs and sit with Janelle

till I can get up there.

- Okay.

- Um, before I go,

we all need to recognize in this very moment

right here and right now,

I'm the only one that didn't mess up!

Who's the best child now?

- Son, ever since we moved out here,

you--you've been lettin' Sergio and Ryan

lead you down the wrong path.

- I know, Dad. And look, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm done with those guys. I promise.

- Hey, at least he's not doin' meth

like some of the other kids at his school.

- So are we supposed to be grateful?

- Grateful is a strong word.

You know, I'll settle for "not gonna kill me."

- So let me ask you this, if Ryan hooked a bungee cable

to his ball sack, would you do it too?

- Well, I mean-- - The answer is no, boy, no!

Well, go on up to your room

before we leave you outside a fire house.

- [scoffs] - Terry, can I just--

- No, not now, Denise.

- Hey, Pat-Pat.

Um, I know that you're angry right now.

But I am telling you that one day, [laughs]

we are just gonna be laughin' 'bout this.

[laughs]

I guess today's not the day.

- I'm goin' upstairs and check on Janelle.

- Uh, oh, my goodness.

Well, thank you for comin' to have lunch at work with me.

- What, are you kidding?

I've always wanted to have lunch at a superstore.

- [laughs] Well, I've always wanted to have lunch

with a man my mama wouldn't like.

- Oh, so you are dating someone.

I misread this whole thing.

- There you go being corny again.

- That still a good thing?

- Yeah. Corny is safe.

- So, uh, since I'm your man, I guess I can do this.

- Ooh!

- Too much? - Uh, hell no. Come on in.

- Oh, okay. I just--

- Hey. Why you guys look so serious?

- Uh, look. We need to talk about last night with the, um,

can we have a minute, Lee?

- Yeah. Sure thing, Terry.

Um, I'll be in the car. - Okay.

- All right. We need to set some new ground rules.

- Okay, I am way ahead of you. I got me one of those

hide-a-key thingies in case I lose my keys again.

- Oh, okay. Where'd you put it?

- I uh, put it, uh--

no, I think it's-- I think it's--

I don't know.

- This ain't about your keys, Denise.

It's about Janelle.

- Oh, that's just a little weed, Pat.

I mean, she's fine now.

- Fine? - C'mon, Pat.

It ain't like you ain't never sold drugs to somebody's kids.

- You gotta get up outta here.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Baby girl, what you doin'?

I thought we were just gonna talk to her?

- I'm done talkin'.

And I heard what you said at therapy. She gots to go.

- Okay. So you put her up to this, Terry?

It's divide and conquer, huh?

- Denise, Denise. It ain't even like that, sis.

Pat, it ain't gotta be like this.

- It's gotta be like this because that's how she made it.

- So you guys gonna kick me out after one mistake?

- That one mistake was with my kids, Denise.

- But I didn't give her the brownie, Pat.

- But your irresponsible ass brought it in my house.

- Well, I'm sorry.

But aside from that, I've been doin' better.

I even got a job and a job that I've had for more than a week.

- That doesn't matter.

- Rabbit, come on.

- Don't call me that. It's Pat.

I left Rabbit back in Atlanta

where I shoulda left your raggedy ass.

- All right. All right.

Let's not say anything that we gon' all regret, okay?

Everybody just needs to cool off!

- No, Terry. My kids is too important for me

to let somebody from my past ruin their future.

- From your past? Bitch, I'm your sister!

- A sister who I don't feel safe around my kids.

- None of this is Auntie's fault.

- She was just tryin' to help.

- Do I look like I need some help?

I worked too fuckin' hard to break a cycle

for you to do this to my kids!

- Wow!

Like, I can't really believe

that you think you better than me!

'Cause you wouldn't be shit without Terry!

If this nigga dropped dead today,

your ass would be in the ghetto tomorrow.

- Bitch, he is insured.

I'd have a bigger house and a new man.

- Please, calm-- wait, what?

- Fuck you, Pat!

And fuck this raggedy-ass house.

I don't like this duck-shit-ass neighborhood anyway.

I'm goin' back to the A, and here, bitch, is your keys!

- Oh, so now you know where your keys at, huh?

- Okay, this is all moving really fast.

Can we all just take a minute and think about this?

- Hell, no. I'm done thinkin'.

- But-- - Mom!

- I'm done! - C'mon, Mom!

- You can't just leave.

- Baby, baby, come on, now!

- Wait, this my fuckin' house. Get out, Denise!

- Really, Ma?

- Kids, go to your room, okay? Go on!

- You got me fucked up. I ain't leavin', bitch.

- No, you got me fucked up! - Bitch, fuck you!

- Fuck you! I'll fetch you-- - You selfish-ass bitch!

- No, you selfish-ass bitch! - Nigga don't know

how to fuckin' act, bitch!

Fuck you! - Get the fuck outa my house!

- I'm gettin' the fuck out. - That's what you do!

- You don't have to worry about me!

- You get the fuck outta my house!

- Fuck you! - I'm done with you!

Crack head!

Oh, fuck! [crying]

- I know, baby.

- Ugh. - I know. I know. I know.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.

- Why you gotta do me like that, Pat?

[crying]

I ain't never did shit but love your fuckin' ass, bitch.

- I tried. Oh.

- Fuckin' bitch!

- It's a white neighborhood. They'll shoot your ass!

- [crying]

Shit, man.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

♪ ♪

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ With three good kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's the "Ms. Pat Show" ♪