Original subtitles

- You know the most beautiful thing about Black folks' ears?

We are immune to bullshit,

whether it's trauma, eviction notice,

or the skid marks in between our thighs.

Wait a minute. Is that just me?

Fuck y'all.

All I'm saying is when you surround yourself with love,

you can overcome all kinds of darkness.

For example, our ancestors came over here on a boat,

yet Tom John still got niggas pawning on a cruise.

You have the power to get through anything

if you use your brain.

I gave birth to four kids,

but I only felt the pain from one.

You know why? 'Cause I use my brain.

It told me to get a God damn epidural.

- Daddy said, wash the dishes.

- Yeah, I can talk.

Ooh, I know you heard that.

Quisha finally met her new boo's family.

Yeah, she said the mama was cool

and the daddy was cool too.

It's their wife she had the problem with.

Yes, girl. That's what I said.

I said, "Baby, she is better than me."

Girl, let me call you back.

Somebody in here acting like I'm disturbing them.

You happy?

What you studying anyway?

- It's for my debate.

The topic is jury nullification.

- Is this where I pretend to know what that is?

- Well, it's when a jury returns a non-guilty verdict

even though the jury believes

the defendant has broken the law.

Okay, so, you remember the movie "Friday"?

Well, remember when Big Worm went to kill Smokey over $40?

- Hell yeah. Big Worm was sexy!

I used to love a brotha with a perm.

- Well, in this case, the judge will be Big Worm,

the jury will be the neighborhood,

and they would tell Big Worm

that even though Smokey is guilty, he shouldn't kill him

because the crime doesn't match the punishment.

- Okay, well, that sounds good.

- Not always.

I mean, especially for people like us.

That's why all these guilty people are getting off

for killing unarmed Black folks.

- Wow. I get it now.

- You get jury nullification?

- No, I get why your ass ain't got no boyfriend.

- Well, what was your excuse?

- Girl, I will beat you

just for looking me ass up in this kitchen.

- Okay. All right.

Going, going, going. - Gone.

- [coughing]

- Shouldn't you be in the basement while you're sick?

- Nah, it's colder than penguin piss down there.

Besides, Junebug's playing a qualifying round for me

and I got to help him or I ain't gon' get paid.

- You mean "we" ain't gon' get paid.

- Damn it. Why they all juke today?

Y'all see my cell phone?

- It's right there. - Where?

- In your hand, Ma.

- Don't talk to me like that.

Oh, disrespect fast, boy.

Plus, y'all need to get this house cleaned up

before y'all daddy get here. [wind whistling]

- Damn, that wind been screaming all day.

- It reminds of me when our cousin, Marcus, got locked up.

- Why was it windy when he got locked up?

- Well, it was a sad day

and everybody said that cousin Marcus

made the wind blow to dry everybody's tears up.

- Who's cousin Marcus again?

- He's our cousin on Grandma's side.

- Mm-mm. I think he's on Daddy's side.

- He's on both.

- This family is nasty.

- And he used to walk around with these trash bags with him.

He would just pop out out of the blue and say--

- Look who the wind done blew the fuck here, Cousin!

- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪

♪ It's the "Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- We were just talking about your Black ass.

How'd you get the playing field?

- Hey, I go where the wind takes me.

- Well, didn't that same wind blow your ass to prison?

- Prison is a state of mind.

- Well, were you released from that state of mind,

or did you escape from that state of mind?

- Specifics are irrelevant, Patricia.

- Man, get your little skinny, ugly ass over here

with that cheap ass suit on. - How you doing?

- Come on in here. - What do you mean cheap suit?

This is a Steve Harvey special right here.

You must be Brandon.

His body done finally grew big as his big ass head.

[both laugh]

- Now, if we could just get his mind to match,

we'll be on to something.

- I like that humor, Denise. - Yeah.

- Last time I saw you, you had a crack pipe in your mouth.

- You must be Janelle.

The Black power princess.

Mm-mm-mm.

Wakanda forever.

[chuckles]

Cockroach?

Cricket? Ladybug?

- It's Junebug.

- Well, it's still an insect, ain't it?

- We've never met. How do you know us?

- We are all born in the mind of our guides.

Our quest is not what we learn. It's what we remember.

- Well, niggah, do you remember them $20 you still owe me?

- You owe yourself some peace, okay?

I used that $20 for this suit.

Now, where's the man of the house?

Did you run him off?

- No. But I ran his ass crazy.

He's at therapy, down there running his big ass mouth.

- Mr. Carson. - Mm-hmm?

- You do understand this session costs the same,

whether or not you choose to speak?

- Yeah?

Oh, well, overall, everything is good, Dr. Blake.

- It also costs the same,

whether or not you tell the truth.

And you can call me Cheryl.

What brings you in?

- My daughter felt like I needed to talk to somebody.

- Oh. So, let's talk.

- Okay. I'm frustrated as hell.

[sighs] Work, life, my family.

I'm trying, but it don't seem like they wanna see it.

All I hear is, "Can I have this?"

or, "We wanna buy that," or my personal favorite,

"I ain't know that was yours." "Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't." "Yes, you did!"

I wanna say something,

but who gonna listen to a man who ain't working, huh?

- Do you share these feelings with your wife?

- [chuckles dryly]

- What's funny? You and your wife don't share?

- [scoffs] Yeah, we share. - Oh.

- Her wants, her needs, and my money.

- Oh. Okay.

Do you know why flight attendants

tell their adult passengers

to put on their own mask before they help their child?

- Because you can always have more kids?

- Because we have to make sure we are okay

before we can help others.

How's Terry going to take care of his family

if he isn't taking care of himself?

You need to unplug.

What usually activates these triggers?

- Let me see.

My spoiled kids. - Mm-hmm.

- My trifling sister-in-law.

- So, you haven't told any of this to your wife?

- No. She expects me to get past her wig to read her mind.

Hell, it's easy to read my mind.

I'm bald.

- Well, I suggest you just say it.

And you need to relax.

What calms you?

- When Black families win "Cupcake Wars."

- Aren't you tired of that same, old episode?

Seriously?

- Well, when I was little, whenever my parents fought,

my mama would sing "Amazing Grace"

to keep from putting poison in my daddy's liquor.

- Well, take a deep breath.

- [inhales deeply]

And sing "Amazing Grace" until you relax.

- That's it?

I gave you money for a Negro spiritual?

- It's a process, Terry.

- Yeah.

- And you can schedule your next session online.

The payment as well.

- ♪ Amazing ♪

♪ Grace ♪

- He's right behind you.

[coughing] Come on, man. Duck.

- Oh!

Phew! He missed.

- Can y'all keep it down?

- Can you study someplace else?

- What in the hell?

Hey y'all. Why it so danggone messy up in here?

All right. Like y'all can't hear.

- Oh! Come on, Dad. Man, we were just about to win.

- Everybody in here now! Denise, you too.

I got something I need to say. Come on.

- Get 'em, Terry. I told their asses.

- What I do?

- Nothing. That's the problem.

Everyone needs to start pulling their own weight around here.

- "Pull"? Do you see these?

I wish the hell I would pull something.

- That's all you got? No threats, no punishment,

no killing one of these kids as a damn example?

- My therapist encouraged me to remain calm

when I am confronting my triggers.

- We Black. We always triggered.

You pay somebody to tell you that shit?

- My therapist also suggested

that we make our kids more responsible.

- Terry!

What it do, man?

- Who the hell are you?

- Cousin Marcus.

Uh, cousin Marcus? Freaknik, '91?

Come on. Cabbage patch?

Snake? The wop?

♪ Set it up on the ♪

Oh, my bad.

Wrong side of the family.

That's Terry, the man with integrity and character.

- [chuckles] Yeah, that's me, man.

Thanks, man. [both laugh]

He could tell I got character.

- See that? See, cousin Marcus knows everything.

And I know that something in here is eschewed.

- Oh. God bless you.

- Thank you, Crackeline.

My cousin, Pat, ain't never been this nasty.

Y'all's mom had the only trap house in the hood

that had a four-star rating, I'm telling you.

- Five star, nigga. Get it right.

- Not something to brag about.

- I was literally just telling the kids about that.

We're trying to empower them to make better choices.

- What kind of Dr. Phil bullshit is that?

The only thing that needs to be empowered in here

is a broom, okay?

Let's hop on it, Grasshopper.

- Junebug. - Well, then crawl on it.

- And Janelle have school work.

- Oh, she got school work? - Mm-hmm.

- Two and two is four, okay?

Hit the floor.

Let's go.

- I can't find the broom.

- Oh, you mean this one?

[whimsical sting]

- How'd you do that?

- Get to work and I might show you.

- For real? - Deadass.

But if you don't get going, your ass gon' be dead.

Let's hit it.

- So how long you staying?

- I guess as long as it takes.

- Don't mind him. You can stay as long as you like.

You family. Look how big this damn house is.

- You see how many people are already in it?

- You know what, I--I--I don't wanna rain

on y'all's sunshine in here.

If this ain't cool, I can-- I can just go ahead.

I mean, right, Terry?

- I--I--I'll go upstairs, and, um,

get some more blankets from upstairs.

♪ Amazing ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Grace ♪

- Whoo! You know he can get a check for that, right?

- This is the first time I see that boy be useful.

It makes me nervous.

- [coughing] - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey. Hey, boy. You still got that shit.

- [groans] I feel awful. Everything hurts.

- I know what you need.

Try some of this! - What's that?

- A spoonful of 'Tussin to get your body bussin'.

Three swallows of gin to give you that zen.

And you'll be a dumbass all over again.

That's that 'Tussin! [cackles]

- I love you, cuz. [both laugh]

- [mutters] Pass that gin.

- Saving on that seizure! [cackles]

- I'm feeling much better.

Almost good enough to play the whole qualifying round myself.

Hey, Junebug. You fired.

- Boy, you can't fire nobody you wasn't paying.

Hey, cuz, I think that it's cool

that you came here fixed almost everything,

but I was wondering if you could find it in your heart

to help a sista out.

- Uh, well, what does said sista want?

- Your girl need a man.

- Well, my girl got a man.

You gotta be a little more specific.

- All right, I want somebody

that's tall, dark, and handsome.

- Oh, you mean like a man like Terry.

- Tall, dark, handsome, and employed.

- "We can always make room for family."

Hell, we can.

- Why you pacing around like you short on the mortgage?

I know you ain't short on the mortgage, are you?

- I will be if I have to add another mouth to feed.

- You talking about Marcus? He's family.

- Hey, I'm family too.

When the hell you gonna look out for me too, huh?

- Man, you already got a roof over your head.

- That got nothing to do with you!

- Really? You know what, I'm not about to talk to you

about this shit today, okay?

- Fine.

- Hey, don't walk away from me

when I'm not talking to your ass, okay?

- [hums "Amazing Grace"]

- Denise, I cannot just grab some man for you out of a bag.

And ain't you tired of getting men out of the trash?

- Well, can you try to recycle him then?

- [hums "Amazing Grace"]

- Why you humming like fearing nigga?

You free.

- You're so busy trying to save the world,

you gon' end up losing your husband.

[continues humming]

- For real, for real, Terry? - Yeah, for real!

- Really, Terry? - [vocalizing]

- Ooh, how you gon' fix that, Nigga Poppins?

- I can't believe you being so damn selfish.

- You're the one being selfish.

- Guys, if this is about me staying, we can--

- I said you could, and that's that!

- We got more people than beds. Where the hell he gonna sleep?

- On the couch, on top of yo ass.

- What?!

Oh! [groans]

What the hell you looking at?

- Look like a roommate.

You want bottom couch, or top couch?

- You know I'll be damned if I sleep on the couch

in a house where I pay the bills.

- [screams] - [screams] Hit the deck!

What? I almost put these hands on you.

- Looked like you put 'em on the floor.

- You couldn't sleep either, huh?

- Looks like you got more problems

than a hard couch. - Yeah.

I ain't got nothing against you, Marcus,

but the house already full, man.

My wife bring in strays like it pays.

- [chuckles] Strays always end up

where they're supposed to be.

- You sound like my therapist.

- You ever thought about taking Pat to therapy?

- Please. You know Pat ain't going to nobody's therapy.

- Is your therapist a good listener?

- She better be. My co-pay was $10.

- Whoa, whoa, now. "She"? - Shh!

Pat thinks it's a dude, man.

- I'm not one to judge. That's on your ass.

Okay?

I gotta get me some rest. - A'ight.

Marcus, how much stuff you got up in there?

- [inhales deeply] Enough.

- Oh, well, thanks for the talk, man.

Good night.

[dramatic musical sting]

What in the hobo Hogwarts shit is this?

How did you-- - [snoring]

- Bet you a dime, 'cause these kids are off the hook again.

- Mm-hmm.

- What are y'all wiping your ass with

under the danggone counter? What's going on in here?!

Junebug, you buggin'!

- [chuckles]

- Cousin Marcus, this is Jesse.

- Hey. Nice to meet y'all.

- Oh, I see I'm not the first of me you've met.

- I know plenty of Jesses.

A notorious poet told me one time,

"Don't be ashamed of who you are.

"Don't let them hold you down.

"Reach for the stars.

Watch the hip."

- Is that Biggie?

- It's "Juicy."

- How did you know that Jesse was non-binary?

- He always had a weird way of finding out stuff.

- Like the time I found out the only reason

why you was playing with the fire hydrant

is because you had no way to take a bath.

- Please tell me you didn't get naked.

- It's according what time of day it was.

Since you tell them my biz, how about that time you stole

that ugly-ass cat and tried to pawn it?

- All right, all right. I was just trying

to get us enough money so we can get something to eat.

- Did you go to jail? - Yes.

Right there at the pawn shop.

Cat had a damn identity bracelet.

- But you were just trying to feed yourself.

- Well, you know what?

I did the crime, so I had to do the time,

even though the crime didn't fit the punishment.

Pussy-ass cat.

- Wow. That's messed up.

[cell phone chimes]

- Is that your mama?

- Yeah. She parked down the street.

- Good 'cause she ain't coming in my damn house.

- Nice meeting you. - You guys too.

I mean, you girls-- I mean, shit, y'all.

- It's good to see your magical Negro ass.

I wanted to come see you when you was in prison,

but, shit, I was too scared

I was gonna have flashback and choke a bitch out.

- Hey, I tried to avoid you in my own way.

You know what? You doing real good, cousin Pat.

You got a beautiful family,

got this beautiful home.

You doing things I couldn't do.

- Uh, nigga, I ain't got no money.

- I talked to Terry last night.

- Nigga, he ain't got no money either.

- He's a good man, Pat.

- I know that.

Hell, he came from heaven when I was going through hell.

- You've come a long way. - What you talking about?

- Letting Terry have that sexy-ass therapist.

- When did you start thinking mens was sexy?

- I looked his therapist up on LinkedIn last night.

Ha? Huh?

If that's a man, then rooty tooty is booty.

- What the hell?

- Mm-hmm.

The old Pat would've been down there right now

trying to find out what's going on.

- That Pat was young, immature, on Section Eight,

and used to sell food stamps.

Chile, I trust Terry. - Well, good for you.

I don't know how you trust therapy.

She's probably down there right now convincing him

that he's miserable up in this piece.

- Miserable? - Yeah.

And wait till he tell her about you

putting his "Green Mile" ass out on the couch.

- Oh, damn.

She's cute. Who's that?

- Terry's fine-ass therapist

that Pat is allowing to put things up in his head.

- Oh, you better than me, but you let me know

if we need to burn that pretty bitch's office down.

- I trust my husband.

Now, if you unmarried people will please excuse me,

I'm gonna pick up something for dinner.

- What's on the menu? Thot therapist, or Terry's ass?

- I ain't gon' eat no ass.

- So have you been meditating?

- Meditating. Singing. - And how's that working?

- It's got me sleeping on the damn couch.

- So, what do you think is the problem?

[doorknob clicks] - I don't know.

I think about my father.

He had depression too, though we didn't call it that.

We knew when he got laid off 'cause he come home drunk,

put on Johnny Teller, and act the fool.

An evil fool.

- But you're not your father, Terry.

- I know.

I take care of my family.

See, Pat and I are good together,

but it's just sometimes,

she makes choices without discussing it first,

and it makes me feel like we're not a team.

- Then say something. - I want to.

And when I get ready to,

I start to think, "I don't blame her."

That's when I feel like

the line between me and my father

is getting blurred.

- Most people wouldn't recognize that.

- Well, I do.

[door creaks]

I often wonder...

[loudly] I wonder

why the hell she's hiding behind the door.

Come on in, Pat.

- Is this Patricia?

- How you know my government name?

- What are you doing here?

- I was in the area. - We live 20 miles away.

- Well, I was in the city. - We live in a different city.

- Fine.

I was worried about us.

I know I shouldn't have been eavesdropping,

but I heard you loud and clear.

You're an amazing man and father.

And the best teammate a woman can ask for.

And no layoff can ever change that.

- You don't have to say that.

- Yes, I do.

Because you don't hear it enough.

And I promise you I'm gonna start communicating.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Okay.

- Communication is key.

And I wouldn't be a good communicator

if I didn't say the session is over.

[clears throat] It's time to go, unfortunately.

- Oh, I'm sorry about that. We'll go.

- I'm so glad you decided to come to therapy

and work out your issues.

- Yeah, it went really good. - Good.

I wanna ask the therapist something.

Sweetheart, I'm so glad you listen to that bullshit

'cause I did not wanna hear it, okay?

- Really, Pat? - What?

You know I ignore your bullshit.

Come on here.

- These people went all out with these signs, didn't they?

- Oh, don't worry, Pat.

I got your back.

- Oh, thank you. - For?

- This, and earlier today.

'Cause you knew I was gonna go down

to that therapist office, didn't you?

- I--I--I did? I did.

- There they go! [chuckles]

[cheers and applause]

- Yeah, Jesse! - Yeah, that's my baby!

Yes! Yes!

- Give it to 'em, little cuz. There ya go.

- This is a debate, not a tailgate.

Can't take y'all Negros nowhere. Shh.

- Welcome to tonight's oratory and debate competition.

- Well, who is that?

- Janelle's new debate teacher. He's name Lee Grazer.

- Oh, I will oratory his ass all night.

- Shut your nasty ass up. This a school.

[whimsical sting] - Oh!

- Now, see if I knock your bag over, it'll be a problem.

- Well, I can help you with that, if you want.

- I got it.

- You got this.

- All right.

Good evening.

My name is Janelle Carson,

and I'll be discussing jury nullification.

Now, in my original argument,

I was against making jurors aware of the option to nullify

due to past travesties.

But...

after hearing from people much closer to the situation

than myself,

I knew in my heart that I could no longer defend that position.

My own family has suffered because of this.

Now, what if jurors knew

that they can nullify my mother's ruling

when she was convicted of selling drugs?

- Why she telling all my damn bizness?

- Now, luckily, she didn't let that stop her.

She has gone on to become a comedian and do amazing things.

- Keep talking, girl! Keep talking.

- But she was lucky enough to slip through the cracks.

- Well, now she telling my damn business.

- Now, what about the ones who's spent their adult lives

behind bars over nonviolent offenses?

Just think about all of that incredible magic

that's just wasting away.

Thank you.

- Whoo! That my baby girl right there!

[cackles]

Oh, my bad. I just got a little excited.

Sorry.

- You can't take Negros nowhere.

- Nowhere.

[laughter]

- Hey, baby girl, you did that.

- We're so proud of you.

- I'm proud of you too, Mom. Really.

Thanks for pushing through all those boots on your neck.

- [chuckles] - You too, cousin Marcus.

- Aw, thank you.

- I'm sorry you guys had to get dressed just to watch me lose,

but I couldn't defend that

and I had to speak from my heart.

- Well, I say that's a moral victory.

- Well, I say please let a bitch know

that you gon' take a dive next time

so I can put some money on it.

- Shoes off. I just cleaned the kitchen floors.

- Okay.

- Thanks again for reminding me, Marcus.

- Mm-hmm. My pleasure.

- [giggles] Yes!

Y'all, I finally got asked to join a clan.

Ooh, that was a bad choice of words.

I actually got invited to join a e-sports team.

- Might as well called a clan.

All they say is "nigga" all day.

- And why are you so excited?

- Because it means more exposure,

brand deals.

And it means that I can make enough money

so I can stop wearing y'all drawers.

both: What? - Mines be dirty.

- Well, it looks like my work here is done.

- I thought you had no place to go?

- I never said that. I just asked if I could stay.

- [clears throat] - Oh, wait a minute.

- Marcus, I want a man!

- Listen, it will happen when it's supposed to.

[wind whistling]

Well, there it is.

When the wind blows,

it's time for me to go.

Whew!

Well, you guys, until the wind blows me your way again,

I'ma fuck with you!

Trudy!

- That nigga stole my umbrella!

[doorbell chimes]

- If you don't stop messing up them damn bags,

that's some poor kid's kite.

- Hi. I'm Lee Grazer.

I found your license in the auditorium.

- Oh. Wow.

Thank you, but this is my Georgia ID.

How did you find me?

- Well, it's a playing field.

It was kinda obvious.

- Well, I'm sure that your wife must be happy

to have a gentleman like you.

- I'm not married.

- Girlfriend?

Boyfriend?

- No.

- You thirsty?

- Yeah, I'd say so.

- Okay. Well, come on in.

Straight ahead.

Wrong color, but thank you, Nigga Poppins.

[cell gates slam shut]

- Hey. Where the hell did you get that umbrella?

[whimsical sting]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

[upbeat music]

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ With a man and kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

♪ ♪