Original subtitles

- How many of y'all hate something or somebody?

Not me.

Hate carry too much damn weight.

And as you can see, I am a grudge and a snack cake

away from being none of your damn business.

Let me ask you something.

Why do you think Jesus have a six-pack?

Because he let it go.

And he walked all over Africa too.

When you hold on to pain, that pain will control you.

And I'll be damned if I was gonna let

a old nigga with a roommate control me.

It is time for you to let it go.

It's time for you to get that funky foot ass dude

out of your house.

It is time for you to stop sleeping with these chicks

with two kids and five baby daddies.

And it's time for you to tell that boss

that you don't like at work to kiss your ass from the front.

Can I get an amen?

all: Amen.

- Can I get a fuck 'em all?

all: Fuck 'em all.

- That's it, baby.

- Hell no, don't go over there.

- This bitch gonna get chopped off.

- Oh, Jesus. She gonna get away baby.

- No, she not. That bitch dumb.

- Which scary movie y'all watching?

- National Geographic. Shh.

[doorbell rings] - I got it. I got it.

- Why you running like a stimulus check is at the door?

- Nah, it's something better than that.

- The only thing better than a check is two checks.

- Why you order all that Chinese food?

Boy, you high?

- No, I'm not high.

And I'll Cash App you the money when I get it.

- How'd you get my card?

- You need a bank account to Cash App somebody, son.

- I'll just get the money from my dad.

- Boy, how you gonna rob me to pay me?

- I mean my real dad. He'll be here in 30 minutes.

Dang, they forgot the soy sauce.

- What do you mean by real dad?

- What the hell you mean by 30 minutes?

- What the hell you mean they forgot the soy sauce?

- Okay. Who do I answer first?

- Me, nigga.

- ♪ Oh, it's time to go

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show"

- Brandon, how long you been talking to Lloyd?

- He messaged me on Facebook. He drives trucks now.

Said he was rolling through. So I invited him over.

- Over where? - Here.

- He ain't coming up in here.

- It's the boy's father.

How are we supposed to tell him not to come?

- Send him a message.

- You know that fool can't read.

- You know what? She right.

We actually gotta talk with emojis.

- Then send his ass a stop sign.

- I told you I could beat you to the door.

- You're too old to be that fast.

- And you're too young to be moving like mama.

- Uh-oh, something must be wrong.

I just insulted Mom, and she didn't call me Issa Gay.

- Well, your brother invited your deadbeat daddy over,

and they forgot the soy sauce.

- Well, then you need to un-invite him.

- Man, you sound just like Terry.

- Why would you wanna see Lloyd

after all the stuff he put Mom through?

- What stuff?

- Ashley. - Okay. All right.

How about the kids leave the room

so the adults can talk?

- Man, I hate when y'all do this.

- I'm almost 17.

- Would you like to make that almost permanent?

Ashley, Brandon was too young to remember

the stuff Lloyd did.

- Well, I wasn't. And I don't wanna see him.

Do you, Mom?

- No, but I can't stop him from seeing him.

- Can't or won't, Pat? Which one is it?

- Terry. Terry.

- Lloyd was a married man who knocked you up

when you were 13.

Why would you let him in this house?

- Like it or not, he's still your daddy, Ashley.

And I don't dwell on shit I don't have control over.

- Well, let's look on the bright side.

I mean, even if Lloyd steps his raggedy ass in this house,

nobody has to ever see him again.

- Are you talking about killing Lloyd?

- No, but I am talking about cold-cocking his ass,

tying him up out back, and letting a sloth kill him.

- How the hell is a sloth gonna kill him, Denise?

- Real slow.

- You okay?

- This is our house, Pat.

Lloyd don't need to step foot in here.

- But Brandon wanna see him.

- Brandon also want flying shoes.

Well, look, he can see him at the truck stop.

- You do know the courts gave Lloyd supervised visitation

until Brandon was mature enough to handle it.

- Baby, that boy is 28 years old.

- They didn't say 28. They said mature enough.

- You know, it's hard for me

to let someone who hurt you like that in this house.

He abused you.

I couldn't never forgive him for that.

- It's not up to you to forgive.

Do you know all I ever wanted

was for him to just apologize, and he never did?

- What would that do? - I don't know.

But I do know I had to let it go.

I had to forgive him so I can live.

And when I did, guess who showed up.

- Taye Diggs?

Denzel?

Ghost?

- No, fool.

You look better than all of them

with the lights out.

- Oh...

Are you gonna be okay with Lloyd coming over?

- I'm good. The thing is, are you okay?

- I'm good. [sighs]

I'll feel even better

if his truck flips over before he gets here.

- Ooh, can I have some?

- No. I made this for Lloyd.

- I thought you didn't like Brandon's dad.

- I don't.

But, you know, I'm the one who introduced him to your mama.

So I kinda feel like--

- Responsible?

- No, that's not it.

- Guilty?

- No, that's not either. It's kinda like--

it's really like--

you should stay the fuck out of grown folk business.

- Man, you are really going all out with all this Chinese food.

- Yeah, I just wanna make him feel comfortable, you know.

- What's your dad like anyways?

- Man, I was so young since the last time I seen him.

But I mean, from what I can remember he was--

- Awful. He was way too old for Mom.

All he wanted to do was--

- Rap. I mean, he put on Biggie CDs

and think he was flowing and then he would--

- Hit her on the head with a roller skate.

I used to wish I was one of those action heroes

so I could kick his ass.

And the fool had a severe nut allergy.

He would've been so easy to take out.

- But what if he's coming by

to say he's sick or dying or something?

- Mm, then I'd ask him if I could watch.

- Him skate.

He was the one that taught me how to skate backwards.

- I thought Dad taught you.

- Nah, man. That was Lloyd.

I mean, from what I remember he was supposed to come

and take me skating,

but his skates was in a evidence locker.

- Man.

It's gotta feel weird to have two dads.

- What? I don't have two dads.

Lloyd is my dad.

I mean, Terry is just--you know,

Terry is just Terry.

[doorbell rings]

- I'll get it.

- What's happening? Been a minute.

Ooh, I see you holding up there like stiff grits, DeeDee.

- Don't call me that.

You lost that right a long time ago.

And what do you want?

- Well, I just happen to be passing by

and I thought I'd stop by and see my kids.

It's pretty convenient.

- Yeah, pulling out would have been more convenient.

- So you gonna let an old friend in?

- Let him in, Denise.

- Don't touch me.

Do not touch me.

- Hey, Rabbit. It's good to see you.

- I wish I can say the same. - You good, ma?

- I'm fine, baby.

- And you must be Terry.

It's good to finally meet you, brother.

- It won't be if you come any closer.

- Yeah, well, I see you guys done real well for yourselves.

- We getting by.

- Oh, this is well beyond just getting by.

I mean, you know me.

I'm still staying at that little place off Perry Street.

You remember that?

Is that my Ashley?

Come on, give your old man a hug.

- Let me know when he's gone.

- I guess she just gonna have to warm up to me again,

you know, get to know me all over.

- She do know your ass.

That's the problem.

- Lookee here! Lil' Brandon.

Boy, I know your lil' Black ass anywhere.

Looking just like your daddy.

Come on in here and give me a hug.

- Uh, Dad.

- I'm right here, son.

- Negro, if you don't let go of my son...

- Um, I'm Brandon.

You may recognize me from my profile pic.

- Okay, my bad, my bad.

It's an easy mistake.

Both of you boys get your height from your mama.

It's nice to see you, son.

- You too.

- Now, can I trouble you for something to drink?

A brother is thirsty. I've been on the road.

- Oh, yeah, I'll get you something.

- Oh, I got it.

Here you go, Lloyd.

- Thank you, Denise. - Mm-hmm.

- Yes.

Smooth.

So what flavor is this?

- Red. - Mm.

You know, I'm surprised a Kool-aid master

like yourself ain't been snatched up yet.

- [chuckles]

- [grunts]

- So how long you gonna be in town for?

- Well, it all depends.

I got this load that I gotta--

[coughs]

I got this load that I--

[coughs]

I got a load.

- What's happening?

- Dad! Denise, what did you do?

- You a favor, nigga.

- How could you do something like this?

- Oh, would you please stop being a pussy?

And open the back door so we could bury his ass out back.

- You can't throw him out my back.

- Why? - 'Cause my cabbage out there.

Throw that nigga in the trash can.

- Denise, I just wanna say that we really appreciate you.

- Yes. Thank you. We love you.

- And from now on, Janelle can sleep on the couch

and you can have her bed.

- Aw, I love y'all

like big back bitches love spaghetti straps.

[doorbell rings]

- Okay.

I'm trying. Come on.

- Come on. Come on, man.

[doorbell rings]

[dramatic music]

♪

- I'll get it.

- What's happening? It's been a minute.

- It sure has.

- Ashley, I'm so glad that your mama decided to keep you.

Now, you know my wife at the time,

she had offered your mom a Bomb Pop to have an abortion.

And you know how your mama loves Bomb Pops.

Girl, you smell like new money.

- Well, thank you. It must be my new perfume.

It's called In Spite Of.

- Mm.

Well, I'm so glad you got your looks from your mama.

Me, on my side, all we got is them damn keloids,

you know, them little leather book bag thing

hanging from the back of your ear,

just be dangling around.

Like two fists sitting up there.

[laughing]

Ah.

So what you been up to lately?

- Well, after you left, I learned how to read.

Then I went on to go to college,

graduate top of my class,

and become a successful psychologist

so that I could help people

who've been damaged by people like you.

- Yeah, well, it's nice catching up.

So where's my other Bomb Pop baby at?

- You mean Brandon? He'll be here in a second.

But, in the meantime, let's talk about you.

- What about me?

- Let's talk about all the feelings

of guilt you must have.

Why don't you lie down and get comfy.

- Well, all right. But I would take my off shoes,

but I ain't got my good socks on.

So where should I start?

- Start at the point where you knocked up my innocent,

13-year-old mom.

- Rabbit was young, but it was consensual.

We was in love.

- Do you beat everybody you love?

- No, no, no, no, I lost my head.

That's all.

- Well, she almost lost hers too.

Hell, it was your fault

she says the first thing that comes to mind.

- No, hell, she was always like that.

That's why I shot the bitch.

Ashley, there are a lot of things

I wish I could change, lot of things.

And I really mean that. Hand to God.

Ooh. You know what?

Getting that off my chest I feel a whole lot better.

- You ain't the only one.

[siren chirps]

- What the hell is going on in here?

- Oh, not much, just a little sting to catch a perv.

- You sneaky ass bitch. You set me up.

- I get that from my mama.

- You're gonna get shot like her too, now, hear.

Oh, hell, no, I got to get the hell--whoa, whoa, whoa.

This here, ain't this some bullshit?

Whatever happened to client patient privialities

and what have you?

- Nigga, you ain't my client.

- A'ight. Snitches get stitches.

[muffled shouting]

- Never wanna send a Black man to jail,

but damn, that felt good.

[doorbell rings]

- Excuse me, baby.

- What's happening? - Shit.

[doorbell rings]

- I got it.

- What's happening? It's been a minute.

So what's up, young fella?

- Not much. You must be LLoyd.

- Yeah, but most people know me by my rap name, DaBaby Daddy.

See what I did with that? DaBaby Daddy.

[laughs]

So I see you got a little drip. But can you spit?

- Can I spit? Ey, bitch, give me a beat.

- Boy, don't get killed in your own fantasy.

- They call me Junebreezy, watch me spit 'cause it's easy,

I'm here to tell your ass that you looking real sleazy,

you got a teen pregnant then you shot her in the head.

Instead of calling out for help you left her as she bled.

Then my father Terry had to raise the kids you bred.

Now you a deadbeat. Let me add you dumb.

You remind me of a baby

'cause you still suck your thumb.

Sitting here being fake, ain't no memories to make.

Drive slow when you leave, we already cut your brakes.

Dumb is written on your face and you can't even read it.

How 'bout your ass treat this house

like it's your kids and leave it?

[all cheering] - Period. Period. Period.

- That's my nephew. Yes! Yes!

[doorbell rings]

- [sighs]

- What's happening? It's been a minute.

Ooh, nice crib. So you know what?

I saw a lot of elementary schools on my way over here.

[dramatic music]

♪

So do you go to school around here somewhere?

- Well, that's none of your business.

- Well, I'm just making conversation.

I mean, you know, check on you folks and all.

What are you doing?

- Nothing. Yet.

- Oh, shoot, I can't see.

I can't--you done lost your mind.

I can't see. I can't see. I can't--oh, my goodness.

I got to get the hell outta here.

[coughing]

I'm allergic to nuts.

- What was that?

- I'm allergic to nuts.

- That's what I thought.

Well, maybe you should have thought of that

before you decided to hit my mama.

- [grunts]

- This girl lost her damn mind.

I don't give a damn whose kid she is.

She lost her mind.

[doorbell rings]

- Ey, yo, it's him.

- What's happening? It's been a minute.

Boy, it's good to see you.

- Oh, man, it's good to see you too.

- Yeah. You know what, son?

I'm so glad you accepted my friend request.

As a matter of fact, you the only one

of my 15 kids that did.

Boy, you look just like I did when I was your age.

- Yeah, Mom said I always reminded her of you,

especially when I'm getting on her nerves.

- Yeah, boy, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you coming up.

But I kept your baby picture with me everywhere I go.

- You did? - Yeah.

As a matter of fact, I got it right here.

Now, this one right here, that's my favorite.

- Um, this a picture of Lil' Bow Wow.

- Well, actually, your mama never gave me

any of your baby pictures.

So I just cut this boy's picture out from somewhere

and just pretended he was you.

You know, I saw that movie "Like Mike"

probably ten times or something.

- You know what? I think I saw you in the theater once.

- If I had a camcorder under my coat, it was me.

- Yeah, you yelled at me right

when I walked in front of the screen.

Remember?

both: Sit your ass down!

[both laughing]

[both sigh]

- And your mama say

we ain't never spend quality time together.

Now look at you, boy. 28 years old.

No kids, no job, living in your mama's basement.

Boy, I'm so proud of you.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Call me Lloyd. - Okay.

Well, Lloyd. Can I ask you something?

- Ask me anything, son.

- How come you never came back to check on us?

- Actually, I wanted to.

But when I joined the Secret Secret Service,

they told me I had to cut ties

with everybody I loved for their protection.

- You were in the Secret Service?

- No, son.

I was in the Secret Secret Service.

Secret Service don't know shit about us.

- Hold up. So let me get this straight.

So you mean to tell me that you left

and you never came back to protect us?

- Exactly. - Man, I thought so.

Hey, you want some Chinese food?

- Hell yeah. You got some Soy Sauce?

- Nah, they forgot it.

But I think there's an old packet in the kitchen.

- Okie-dokie. All right.

- Hey, thanks for coming back, Lloyd.

- Of course.

Now, son, get the damn soy sauce, 'cause I'm hungry.

[doorbell rings]

- It's just the soy sauce. - Mm.

I thought it was that sweet and sour ass nigga.

[phone chimes]

- Y'all, he ain't coming.

- We know.

- Well, did he send you a "I ain't shit" emoji, son?

- So does that mean we can eat now?

- Yeah, man, go for it. Here.

- All right, well, don't nobody touch this Kool-aid.

- Thank God.

I was so hungry, I could eat Mom's food.

- I just don't get it.

- Lloyd's been disappointing us for a long time.

You just don't remember most of it.

I wish I didn't.

- Well, son, it's his loss.

Come on. I love you.

- I love you too, Mom.

- It's gonna be all right.

- Sorry your father didn't show, man.

- Listen, everything I said earlier--

- I know. I get it. I'm not your real father.

- No. But you are my dad.

Man, thank you for being there for us always.

- Right on. Right on.

Son? - Yeah.

- You still owe me money for all that food.

- Okay, yeah, I got you.

- You do? - Yeah, yeah. I got you.

- Well, let me see the receipt then.

- Okay. Let me see.

I ain't got no service, I ain't pay the bill.

Can I get an allowance to pay the bill, Dad?

- Just call me Terry.

- Terry. Okay. - Yeah.

[doorbell rings]

- Lloyd?

- What's happening? It's been a minute.

- We thought you wasn't coming. The kids asleep.

- Yeah. Well, you know how it goes.

[laughs] But I gotta tell you though,

girl, you look like butter on biscuits.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

- Don't start. Let me get your kids.

- Hey, hey. Wait, wait.

Before you get them, I just wanted to say that--

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

- What you say? - I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry for treating you so bad back in the day.

- I never thought I would hear

the words come out of that hole in your face.

- Cool. So you forgive me?

- Hell no.

You took the first half of my life

and you shitted on it.

And you tried to wipe your ass

with the second half of my life.

I can't believe I was trippin' over a nigga

who can't even chew steak.

The fuck was wrong with me?

- Hey, Rabbit, you need to calm down.

- No, nigga, you need to calm the fuck down.

In here looking like you chew apples backwards.

And you need to be thanking my husband

for taking care of your kids for over 20 years.

- Yeah, but I was taking-- - But I'm talking.

- But I was--

- But I'm better than you, nigga bitch.

And thank God I learned to laugh to keep from crying.

And I learned how to turn my pain into laughter

and laughter into motherfucking money.

- Yeah. Well, you're welcome.

- I'm welcome?

Get the fuck out of my house before me and my kids

and my husband mollywop that little hole

in your motherfucking mouth.

- [grunts]

Are you okay, baby?

- [chuckles]

I sure am, Terry.

I sure am.

♪

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman

♪ And you can't get enough

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman

♪ And you can't get enough

♪ She's a grown-ass woman

♪ With husband and kids

♪ She's a grown-ass woman

♪ And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪