Original subtitles

- Can I ask y'all something?

We family tonight, right?

And I need y'all to be honest.

And I'm gonna start with the white people

because according to our history books,

you guys are first at everything

except track and field.

Other than niggers, what have you heard us call?

And I need that downright racist shit.

You know, what you hear at a bar

or at a Thanksgiving dinner.

- African-American.

- Hell no, that shit on my baby birth certificate.

Come on, we can do better than that.

- Porch monkey.

- What the fuck you say?

Now, that's the main reason why I bought

my real house with no front porch.

Hell, I don't even fuck with bananas.

White people, what do you think we call you guys?

- Crackers. Trailer park trash.

- Mm-mm, baby.

We done upgraded y'all ass like a jailbroke Fire Stick.

We call y'all Mountain Dew babies,

colonizers, Snicker lickers.

That's when a white woman suck a black dick.

But my favorite thing to call you guys is ignorant.

'Cause look at it, we all ignorant

in some way, shape and form.

But I gotta say, I'd rather be ignorant than ignant.

'Cause when you ignorant, you have a baby

by a cheating-ass nigga.

But when you ignant,

you have two babies by a cheating-ass nigga.

Wait a minute. What that make me?

- I'll be damned.

- Who's in our bathroom?

- I don't know.

Shit, you the man in this relationship--go see.

- Nah, OG.

You always say you from the streets.

This one on you.

Ow! Ow! - Go see who's in the bathroom.

- All right! - You be getting raw.

- All right, baby, damn!

- The hell you gonna do with that?

Mute 'em?

- You know, I used to throw hatchets in the military.

- That ain't no fucking hatchet, Terry.

- Shh!

- [yells indistinctly]

- I will beat the fuck out of you, Terry.

And stop all this yelling. It's 6:00 in the morning.

Why y'all being so ghetto?

- What the hell are you doing in our bathroom?

- I'm using it. What'd you think I'm doing?

- Why don't you take your loud ass down the hallway

and use the other bathroom?

- Oh, hell no.

That port-a-potty down the hall?

Mm-mm, them kids don't be cleaning that bathroom.

The drain is clogged

and the showerhead got more calcium than milk.

- Why don't you just clean it?

- Now, why would I clean a bathroom

that I don't use, Terry?

You're not making no sense.

You must not be getting enough sleep.

Oh, and by the way, y'all out

of the seaweed scrub that I like.

Get some more.

- Bitch, get some money.

- Pat, you need to talk to your sister.

Good googly boogly!

She got that bathroom so nasty,

the toilet just threw up.

Now I can't sleep.

- Me neither.

- Since we up early,

you wanna give me some of that nappy grip?

- Hell no, my pussy on layaway.

- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- Denise, you need to learn how to respect our house.

You run around here acting like you done co-sign on some shit.

- Well, I thought what's mine is yours

and what's yours is mine.

- But you ain't got no mine.

You need to respect me and Terry.

- Fine, Pat-Pat, I understand.

- And he's fixing that bathroom today,

and I don't wanna catch you back in mine.

- Fine, from now on, you won't even know I'm here.

Just like sex with four inches.

- Ashley. - Hey, y'all.

- Where the hell you been?

- Clearing my mind and re-centering my spirit.

- Well, did your spirit tell you I called five times?

- No, but it told me to hit that block button.

- Really? Thank you for coming back.

- I didn't come here for you.

Janelle said she needed my help with something.

- You left the club before I got a chance

to tell you what I wanted to say.

- I'm really not interested in that conversation.

- Ain't you some kind of counselor?

I mean, shouldn't you be trying to fix this shit

on a family rate?

- That's a conflict of no interest.

- Well, we're here now, and I'm sorry.

See, I can be the bigger person.

- Child, you already are.

- Don't get uppercut, Denise.

- What you said was offensive.

- I'm a comedian. It comes with the territory.

- You don't get a pass at offending people

just because you're a comedian.

- I do jokes that pop in my head.

Girl, that's just how my brains work.

My mom used to call us a one-arm musty motherfucker,

and we never got offended.

- A one-arm musty what?

- Yeah, but that was because we only could afford

to put deodorant under one arm.

- And we kept it moving, and we turn out fine.

- Fine?

I count one, two felons up in here.

- That's her mama fault.

- We got the same mama.

- Oh, that's her daddy fault.

- Y'all don't see this is a generational cycle.

That's not okay.

And I'm not gonna be around anybody

who keeps choosing that cycle.

- Okay. Denise, you need to leave.

- See, childish. - Okay, okay.

Look, what do I need to do?

- You're back.

- Hey, pumpkin. I got your text.

- You don't know how glad I am to see you.

Can we talk? You know.

- Ha! Ah!

[speaking French]

- What the hell I need to behave for?

- You know French?

- How do you know how to speak French,

but you can't say ambulance?

- Amb-a-lance, I said.

- Look, Janelle has a friend coming over,

and they're different.

- They're?

- How many friends are coming over?

- Just one, Ma.

- She said, "They're."

- Yeah, when did "they're" become one?

- They Siamese twins?

- That's conjoined twins now.

- Siamese twins, conjoined twins.

No wonder y'all think I'm offensive.

Y'all keep changing the damn words.

How many friends are coming over?

- My friend is gender nonconforming.

- Gender what the fuck is that?

[doorbell rings]

- This is a kid, Ma, so be mindful of what you say.

- I'm not a goddamn monster, Ashley.

- Hi.

- Are you the people my daughter was talking about?

- I'm Jesse. - And I'm confused.

- Ma. - I'm Ms. Pat. Come on in.

- I'm Janelle's sister, Ashley.

Ma, Janelle and Jesse need to go upstairs

and work on their debate.

- Janelle can't have boys in her room.

- I don't identify as a boy or a girl.

- Like E.T.? - Ma.

- I'm not an alien.

- No, everybody just know E.T. wasn't--

- [clears throat]

- I'm sorry.

- Their pronouns are them, they, and their.

Right, Jesse?

- Well, do they have any verbs?

- I'm gender nonconforming.

- It means that they don't fit into expectations

of who people think they should be.

- Thanks for that. - You're welcome.

- Sounds like I need to mind my damn business.

- That works too. - Let's go.

- Ashley, how am I doing? - Girl.

- Sorry for how my mom was acting.

- Don't sweat it.

But you didn't have to do what you did back there.

- What'd I do? - You tried to explain me.

I don't want to be somebody's teachable moment.

- Oh, I was just trying to make sure you weren't uncomfortable.

- Don't assume that I was.

People make assumptions about me my entire life.

I don't need another one.

- Touché.

But if my mom calls you Pokémon, don't come to me.

- [laughs] I'm not worried about her.

And trust me, you should meet the other people I come across.

Your mom seems like she's actually trying to learn.

- I hope so.

So should we jump into this research?

- Can we talk about how I'm not looking forward

to this project? It's so antiquated.

- Right, like, who cares about debating abortion?

- Yeah, I used to hoop with Migos all the time.

You know, they were gonna take me on tour,

but Offset got in trouble,

and you know how that type of stuff goes.

- Dang.

Yo, you ever seen somebody get shot?

- [scoffs] - Oh! Were you scared?

- Stop all that lying, boy.

The only one you know been shot

is your mama and her brother and your granny.

Or did your granny shoot her brother?

- Yo, why you be lying, Junebug?

- Fool, I ain't lying.

- Your dad straight busted you, nigga.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What did he just say?

- Busted?

- You know what the hell I'm talking about.

- What's going on?

- He just called Junebug the N-word.

- Nigga, what? - What?

- It's not that big of a deal. It's just how we talk.

- How you talk?

- Hey, hey, Junebug said it's cool.

I mean, we literally say it, like, all the time.

- Plus, I'm Mexican.

We were the Black family in town before y'all got here.

- See, he's a minority too.

- It doesn't work like that.

- So you gonna let El Salvador and Miracle Whip Devil

call you nigga? - Pat.

- Well, isn't that the Paula Dean pot

calling the kettle racist.

- Black people can't be racist.

- Ma, you just called Sergio, who is Mexican, El Salvador.

And Ryan, Miracle Whip Devil.

- You know I didn't mean it like that.

- You always don't mean it like that.

- Okay, you know, we don't mean anything by it either, okay?

Junebug is our boy. - Boy?

[laughs] Man.

- Y'all working a little bit of Jesus

that left up in this house, baby.

- Junebug, your friends

got five seconds to leave this house.

- But Dad! - One.

- I didn't mean to-- - Two.

- Three, four, five.

- You moving like you paying rent.

- Get your asses up out of here.

- Dad, they were just--

- I'm going upstairs to finish fixing the bathroom.

- Ooh, you in trouble.

- Can, y'all keep it down? We're trying to study.

- Your brother here letting his white friends

call him nigga boy.

- Janelle, tell Ma that it's a part of our generation.

We all listen to rap music,

and it has nothing to do with race.

- It's not generational because I don't use it.

Nobody should.

- Amen, baby.

Because the word is just for us.

- Did you not hear what she just said?

- Yeah, she said only Black people

should be able to use the word.

Right, Jesse?

- This means I can't answer that.

- We have other ignorance to finish debating.

Let's go.

- Ma, who is that? - His name is Jesse.

- Not a he. - Her name.

- Not a her, Ma. - That nigga named Jesse, okay?

- See, that's why I didn't wanna come back over here.

You're never gonna change.

- I am. I'm trying. - No, you're not.

You're mad at Junebug's friends,

but you just as bad as them.

I bet you couldn't go one day

without saying a derogatory word.

- Girl, that's a sucker bet.

I can do that in my sleep.

- 'Cause that's the only time your mouth is shut.

- No, for real, I wanna break this generational curse

Ashley keep talking about.

- Okay. Then let's make it interesting.

The loser does my feet.

- Don't nobody want to do your raggedy-ass feet.

- I think that's the perfect bet.

- Actually, why don't we all play a game of spades?

- Oh, now, you know she can't play spades

without talking shit.

- Exactly. - Oh!

- Yes, I can. - All right then, it's a bet.

- Bitch, bastard, trick ho, ho trick.

Motherfucker, fatherfucker, slut, squirrel pussy.

Republican. Okay, I got it all out of me.

Come on, let's go get your ass with the spade.

- [whistling]

- You're not finished with the bathroom yet?

- Nope.

- You need any help?

- Nope.

- Look, Dad, I'm sorry

for what happened out there with my friends.

You know, I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

It's just how we talk. - Why?

How is that word coming in their mouth

not upsetting to you?

- Well, if they meant it in a bad way,

then, of course, I'd be angry,

but they're my friends, and it's just a word.

- That's where you're wrong, son.

It's not just a word.

- But Mama uses it all the time.

- Look, I'm not a fan of her using it, either,

but your mama is Black.

And she don't listen to nobody.

- Yeah, that's true.

- I remember the day I joined the military.

[chuckles]

I was on my way back to the barracks.

I ran into these brothers,

and we were just letting niggas fly.

"What up, nigga?"

"Nigga looking clean in them fatigues."

[laughs]

It was freeing, man. It was empowering.

It was ours.

When I got back to the barrack,

my white bunkmate took one look at me and said,

"I ain't rooming with no nigger."

Man, that shit cut.

That one little word had a different meaning

depending on whose mouth it was in.

- Wow. That's crazy.

- Look, son, all I'm trying to tell you is,

you own that word to use however you see fit.

It comes from your blood, your history.

But you don't have the right to allow someone to use it.

You understand?

- Yeah, I think so.

- And I would never hang with anybody

who ain't never get that, but, uh...

I'm sure that you gonna make the right choice for yourself.

All right?

- Okay, Dad.

- Study long, study wrong, baby.

- You just remember you can't say anything derogatory.

- I'ma call a spade a spade.

- I'm 'bout to run a Boston on that ass.

- You bout to catch the bus back to Boston without an ass.

- What's that mean? - She thinks she's gonna win.

- Come on 'round that corner so I can bust your head

to the white meat. - I know what that one means.

- Wait, what?

We playing Joker, Joker, Deuce, Deuce?

- Don't get out the car if you didn't come to play.

- Y'all slide my books on over here.

- Nig--I mean, son.

You cutting hearts already? You better not renege.

- What was that?

- I said "neg." I can say that.

You can't.

- Come on, Auntie.

- Come on, I know you over that bleed.

You need a tampon?

Come on, bitch. I mean, female dog. Come on.

- I ain't got nothing.

- Yup, just like in real life.

Hey, Terry, you wanna get in this spade game?

- No, baby, I'm gonna go and finish up.

Besides, y'all don't want none of this smoke.

- Junebug, you just reneged.

- You're a reneger.

- You just gone keep finding a way, ain't you?

Give me my three books.

- See, somebody been practicing.

- You know how I do.

- Bam. Rack 'em up, baby. I made my books.

- I still ain't got nothing.

- Man, I'm done. Y'all too aggressive.

- You would be aggressive, too, if you was in prison

with a lady named Bruce

and had to play cards for a pack of noodles.

- Is that true?

all: Yeah. - Hell yeah.

- For all you Falcons fans,

this is what winning look like.

♪ What winning looks like, what winning looks like ♪

- 306 to 232. - Period.

- You lucky bitches.

- Oh! Lucky bitches?

So you lost the game and the bet.

Take off your shoes, Auntie. Come on.

- Yo, get your Freddy Krueger-ass feet away from me!

- Get buying!

- I want a recount.

- Take the loss, Trump.

- Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

- You should identify as Jesse with the smart-ass mouth.

- Hey, Jesse's right.

She beat you fair and square. - Period.

- Coming from a nigga who can't even

get a book from the li-berry. - Library.

- Shut your retarded ass up.

- Ma. - You can't say that.

- Yeah, I even knew that one was bad.

- Y'all kids are too damn sensitive these days.

It was just a joke. I'm a comedian.

- But jokes can hurt people.

- Back in my day, the only thing that hurt

was an ass-whupping.

Hey, people gonna talk shit. It's life.

- But it shouldn't be.

That's why we all walk around scared now.

'Cause we all got told that our hurt didn't matter,

but it does.

- I've been trying to tell her that

since I got here. - What?

Why is it okay for me to let you be you,

but you won't let me be me?

- Because on Tuesday at Kroger, you were "just being you"

when you said you got gypped on that toaster on clearance.

- And remember when you say

you didn't want to buy my school portrait

because you said my eyes looked too chinky?

- Wait a minute, now, you can't say "chinky," either?

- No.

- Asian communities are being attacked like crazy right now.

And racial slurs like that don't help.

Y'all are a part of the problem.

- Black people get attacked all the time

and they don't say nothing.

- Did you say anything for them?

- I ain't got time to be watching.

I got shit to do.

- Okay, fine, somebody need to invite me

to the word change meetings

'cause they seem to happen every three seconds.

- There's not a meeting.

- Well, then why do I have to change how I stay stuff

just to make somebody else feel comfortable?

- White people said the same thing

when they had to go from saying nigger to "Negro" to "colored."

Now African-American.

- Now, you know that ain't the same.

- It literally is.

- Junebug, shut the fuck up.

'Cause you about one step off

from letting your friends call you a jiggaboo.

- The only reason you feel that way

is because Negro and colored are sensitive to you.

It's hypocritical to think the other words you say

aren't just as sensitive to other people.

- I don't know them people.

- I still can't believe I can't say that word.

- Sis, you grown.

You can say whatever you wanna say.

- Yeah, and saying whatever

she wanna say comes with consequences.

- What are you talking about? I support the Asian community.

That's where we get our fucking hair from.

And I would never hurt nobody because they're Asian.

I grew up watching that Japanese nigga, Bruce Lee,

kicking and slapping every damn body.

- That man ain't Japanese. That man Chinese.

- Bruce Lee was a Chinaman?

- Uh-uh. - Wow.

- I'm done. - Was that bad?

Jesse, was that bad?

- I think anybody not oppressed by those words

should avoid saying them.

I mean, if we all understood that,

no one would ever have to have these conversations.

- You right.

- Wow.

"You right."

Those are words I haven't heard in 30 years.

- What that supposed to mean?

- Guess it means I'll never be enough.

- What that supposed to mean?

Where are you going? - Leaving.

I was just here for Janelle, remember?

- Can you please stay for me?

- I don't think that's a good idea.

[doorbell rings]

- I think that might be my mom. - Are y'all done?

- Yeah, we're good.

- Hi, um, I'm here to pick up Jesse.

- Come on in.

- Hope he wasn't too much trouble.

- He? - It's okay, Janelle.

I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Ms. Pat.

- Bye, Jesse.

- Attitude, young man.

[sighs] I'm sorry.

- I don't think Jesse want to be called a man.

- He went through that whole act with you, huh?

My apologies. He's just a little confused.

I'm considering counseling. The church recommended a camp.

- A camp?

Why would you wanna send your child to a camp

because they're neutrogena?

Ain't nothing wrong with being neutrogena.

- Gender-neutral?

- Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with them, either.

- Look, I really appreciate that,

but none of this concerns you.

Goodnight.

- Wait.

I almost lost my child just like you

by thinking she was confused, but she wasn't.

She just who she is, and I had to accept that.

You can't change who they are,

but you can always support who they become.

- Good night.

- Jesse!

Your mom is a bitch.

You welcome back here anytime. Don't bring her ass.

- You tried, Ma.

- I didn't know their parents were like that.

I mean, Jesse's always so confident.

- You gotta be to survive.

- I know them words more than I know myself.

- Me too.

- Did I ever make you feel like that?

- Sometimes.

- I swear to God, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I love you just the way you are,

and nobody can ever change that.

- I love you too.

- Will you please stay?

- Fine. - Aw!

You 'bout to my eyelashes fall off.

- And you can eat all the pussy you wanna eat.

- Feast your eyes on the guest bathroom

anyone would be proud to use

while they keeping their ass out of mine.

- Damn, this room clean up nice.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- You know how I get when you fix shit.

You finish a bathroom in two days,

but you haven't finished that wallpaper?

- 'Cause fixing wallpaper don't keep Denise

out of my face.

- What you trying to say?

- Look at what I pulled out of that drain.

- Get the fuck outta here. - Mm-hmm.

You know, you done found my edges.

And that's exactly why I was using your bathroom

'cause somebody had clogged this drain.

- Well, then, why don't somebody unclog it?

- 'Cause your kids is lazy.

- Where you going?

- Oh, I'm gonna go and break something else

so you can watch me fix it.

One, 'cause you so fine.

Two, 'cause you all mine.

And three, 'cause we gone grind.

That's a fine-ass reneger there.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm!

Don't come in my bedroom.

Baby, get the seaweed scrub!

- I was worried your mama would answer.

- Look, um,

my family doesn't think I should be letting y'all

call me the N-word anymore.

And my dad doesn't even think

I should be hanging out with y'all.

- Because I said nigga?

Your moms called me El Salvador

and him Miracle Whip devil,

and we're the racist ones?

- I don't even like Miracle Whip.

- Yeah, but you will destroy a Mountain Dew, though.

- So what do you gonna do, ni--

I mean, Junebug?

Are we gonna hang, or...?

- Ma, can I go shoot hoops? - Boy, you can't hoop.

You better go get a kite.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ With three Black kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪