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00:00:03,310 --> 00:00:04,517
- "The Ms. Pat Show"
was filmed
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00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:06,586
in front of
a live studio audience.
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00:00:06,689 --> 00:00:09,310
- Any of you motherfuckers
ever been shot before?
4
00:00:09,413 --> 00:00:10,344
[laughter]
5
00:00:10,448 --> 00:00:13,000
I have, twice.
6
00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:17,172
First time, I lost my nip
in a drive-by.
7
00:00:17,275 --> 00:00:18,931
Hell, don't feel sorry
for me, baby.
8
00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:21,655
Two nipples is overrated.
9
00:00:21,758 --> 00:00:25,344
Plus, nobody's ever gonna suck
both of them at the same time.
10
00:00:26,655 --> 00:00:28,793
Luckily, I've had
these same titties
11
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,206
since the third grade.
12
00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:34,103
And do you know the doctor
said if I was an A-cup,
13
00:00:34,206 --> 00:00:36,655
I would have died?
14
00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:38,793
Them cute little titties
right there, white girl,
15
00:00:38,896 --> 00:00:41,655
would've got you killed.
16
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:44,655
The other time I got shot,
17
00:00:44,758 --> 00:00:46,241
my baby daddy shot me
in the back of the head.
18
00:00:46,344 --> 00:00:47,862
- Ooh.
19
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,137
- But it was not his fault.
20
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:52,137
It was my fault
'cause I ducked slow.
21
00:00:53,896 --> 00:00:55,827
Getting shot is no fun, y'all,
22
00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,103
and that's why tonight's show
is dear to my heart.
23
00:00:58,206 --> 00:01:00,689
It is a scary world
we're living in,
24
00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:03,206
and it's even scarier
when you have kids,
25
00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:05,068
and even though it's overrated,
26
00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:08,862
I truly believe
it's every parent's dream
27
00:01:08,965 --> 00:01:11,241
for their child to live
28
00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:13,758
a full, two-nipple life.
29
00:01:18,827 --> 00:01:21,862
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
Do you mind sitting down?
30
00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:23,620
Some folks are still
trying to board.
31
00:01:23,724 --> 00:01:25,068
- My bad.
32
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:27,275
- And that's going to have
to go under your seat.
33
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,517
- I know how to fly,
sky waiter.
34
00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:32,551
- Headed home?
35
00:01:32,655 --> 00:01:35,275
- Yep.
Back to Plainfield, Indiana.
36
00:01:35,379 --> 00:01:37,448
- Oh.
That's a nice city.
37
00:01:37,551 --> 00:01:39,724
- Well, I just moved there.
I'm still getting used to it.
38
00:01:39,827 --> 00:01:41,551
But if you like white people,
tiki torches,
39
00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:44,206
and duck shit,
it's a nice city.
40
00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:46,137
- I'm looking forward
to getting home.
41
00:01:46,241 --> 00:01:47,827
I miss my children like crazy.
42
00:01:47,931 --> 00:01:50,068
- They dead?
43
00:01:50,172 --> 00:01:52,310
- I just miss them.
Don't you miss yours?
44
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,620
- Child, I don't miss
the babies by my husband
45
00:01:54,724 --> 00:01:56,965
or them grown-ass kids
by my baby daddy.
46
00:01:57,068 --> 00:01:58,827
- [laughs]
47
00:01:58,931 --> 00:02:00,275
Were you out here
for work as well?
48
00:02:00,379 --> 00:02:02,827
- Yep, I'm a comedian.
You?
49
00:02:02,931 --> 00:02:04,517
- I'm a geologist.
- What?
50
00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:06,896
- A geologist.
I study rocks.
51
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,241
- Wait a minute.
52
00:02:08,344 --> 00:02:10,448
They give white people jobs
studying rocks?
53
00:02:10,551 --> 00:02:13,241
- [chuckles]
- I used to sell crack rocks.
54
00:02:13,344 --> 00:02:15,827
You mean to tell me
I'm a damn geologist?
55
00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:18,931
[cell phone chimes]
56
00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:20,448
Damn, another school shooting.
57
00:02:20,551 --> 00:02:23,000
- Aw, can you believe it?
[sighs]
58
00:02:23,103 --> 00:02:25,000
These poor kids are so lost.
59
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,586
- Lady, poor kids
can't afford no AR-15.
60
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:31,034
That boy's a terrorist, and if
he wasn't white, he'd be dead.
61
00:02:31,137 --> 00:02:32,448
- You really think
they would've killed him
62
00:02:32,551 --> 00:02:34,689
if he wasn't white?
- You do realize Black folks
63
00:02:34,793 --> 00:02:36,448
don't have to play
the lottery no more?
64
00:02:36,551 --> 00:02:38,655
You just wait till the police
shoot your child,
65
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,344
and you might get
a $4 million check.
66
00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:44,413
- And then they tax the shit.
67
00:02:44,517 --> 00:02:46,448
But I'm not
in this conversation.
68
00:02:48,862 --> 00:02:51,068
- You know, I've actually
never thought of it like that.
69
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,896
both: We know.
70
00:02:54,517 --> 00:02:56,655
- They judge these kids
just by looking at them.
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00:02:56,758 --> 00:02:58,310
Like my youngest son,
72
00:02:58,413 --> 00:03:00,862
he's smart, handsome,
and wholesome,
73
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:02,620
but don't nobody
care about that.
74
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,827
[cell phone dings]
75
00:03:03,931 --> 00:03:06,310
He just posted something
on the damn Snapchat.
76
00:03:06,413 --> 00:03:09,034
- Wow, I'm surprised your
children let you follow them.
77
00:03:09,137 --> 00:03:11,241
- They don't,
but BigBootyBecky31 can.
78
00:03:11,344 --> 00:03:13,275
- [laughs]
79
00:03:13,379 --> 00:03:15,000
That's genius.
80
00:03:15,103 --> 00:03:16,689
- Look.
81
00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:19,344
- ♪ I got bitches on my mind,
I got hos on my line ♪
82
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:20,620
♪ But the bitches
beat the hos ♪
83
00:03:20,724 --> 00:03:22,068
♪ 'Cause they want it
all the time ♪
84
00:03:22,172 --> 00:03:24,793
[laughs]
85
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,827
- Girl, these poor kids
are so lost.
86
00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,206
- ♪ Hop on, it's time to go
87
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:40,137
♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show"
88
00:03:40,517 --> 00:03:43,310
[Maze's "Before I Let Go"]
89
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:48,965
- ♪ Whoa, whoa, oh
90
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:53,758
♪
91
00:03:53,862 --> 00:03:55,827
- Hey!
[laughs]
92
00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:58,275
Look who's back, ha!
93
00:03:58,379 --> 00:04:00,793
My red-eye raven.
94
00:04:00,896 --> 00:04:03,482
- Man, why you so happy
at 7:30 in the morning?
95
00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:06,689
- Come on,
dance with me, superstar.
96
00:04:08,068 --> 00:04:10,172
- Turn that barbecue music off.
97
00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:13,310
- Come on now.
You know you want to, girl.
98
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:16,103
- No, I want to take
my sleepy ass to sleep.
99
00:04:16,206 --> 00:04:18,275
Terry, stop.
You so silly.
100
00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:20,413
I don't feel like
all that movement.
101
00:04:20,517 --> 00:04:22,793
- ♪ I would never, never,
never, never, never ♪
102
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:23,965
- Stop!
103
00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:25,551
- ♪ Never, never let you go
104
00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:29,896
♪ Before I go-ah-mmm-ah!
105
00:04:31,034 --> 00:04:32,724
Look at that.
106
00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:36,448
Nineteen years,
and I still love that smile.
107
00:04:38,206 --> 00:04:40,448
That's why
we've stayed married, huh?
108
00:04:40,551 --> 00:04:44,103
'Cause I can make you smile.
109
00:04:44,206 --> 00:04:47,000
- No, we stay married because
you got good healthcare.
110
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:48,758
- [laughs]
111
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:51,344
All right, all right, baby.
How were the shows, huh?
112
00:04:51,448 --> 00:04:54,482
- Oh, janky-ass promotor
tried not to pay me.
113
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,620
But I held on to the hood of
his car till the police came.
114
00:04:57,724 --> 00:04:58,862
- [laughs]
115
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:02,482
- So it's pretty good.
I'm just tired, though.
116
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:04,448
- All right, baby, all right.
Mwah.
117
00:05:04,551 --> 00:05:06,482
Go on, get in the bed.
Let me finish making breakfast.
118
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:07,793
- Why don't you finish
taking down
119
00:05:07,896 --> 00:05:09,620
that "Gone with the Wind"
wallpaper?
120
00:05:09,724 --> 00:05:12,448
- Girl, it is hard
tearing down wallpaper
121
00:05:12,551 --> 00:05:14,655
when are you busy
protecting this country.
122
00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:17,000
- Man, you make transmissions.
123
00:05:17,103 --> 00:05:18,827
- For a military contractor.
124
00:05:18,931 --> 00:05:21,448
- [laughs] And how's that
protecting our country?
125
00:05:21,551 --> 00:05:24,482
- If I tell you,
I'm gonna have to kill you.
126
00:05:24,586 --> 00:05:26,655
- Tell your mama.
127
00:05:26,758 --> 00:05:28,448
- [laughs]
128
00:05:28,551 --> 00:05:30,931
- Watch my six, Jay!
I got you, headshot!
129
00:05:31,034 --> 00:05:35,068
Teabag, baby!
- Shut your unnecessary ass up!
130
00:05:35,172 --> 00:05:36,655
- Hey, Mama.
131
00:05:36,758 --> 00:05:38,896
- Brandon still playing
them video games?
132
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,137
We got to get that boy
up out of our house.
133
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,689
- Why stop with that one?
134
00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:44,896
Let's get rid
of all the kids.
135
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,344
- See, that's the sexiest shit
I heard you say.
136
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:48,551
- Mm-hmm.
137
00:05:48,655 --> 00:05:50,206
- Let's start
with that Junebug.
138
00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:51,482
- Why him?
139
00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:53,000
- Come here.
Let me show you something.
140
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,689
- [sighs]
141
00:05:54,793 --> 00:05:56,689
Oh.
142
00:05:56,793 --> 00:05:58,689
What is he doing
with a condom?
143
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,241
- A Fit-Rite.
144
00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:02,551
That shit for micro-penises.
145
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,137
I've been gone for three days,
146
00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:12,551
and you got my baby out here
Snapchatting a condom.
147
00:06:12,655 --> 00:06:14,862
- I ain't got your baby
doing a damn thing.
148
00:06:14,965 --> 00:06:18,172
And you know good and well
I don't own no Fit-Rite.
149
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,172
- What I do know is,
if we still lived in Atlanta,
150
00:06:23,275 --> 00:06:24,448
he would have homeboys
151
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,413
that tell him
not to Snapchat that mess.
152
00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:27,827
- Well, baby,
we ain't have no choice
153
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:29,413
but to move here
after the factory shut down.
154
00:06:29,517 --> 00:06:30,620
You know that.
155
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,413
We've been here
a whole month now,
156
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,620
and you the only one
still got a problem.
157
00:06:34,724 --> 00:06:36,379
- Yeah, 'cause I hate it here.
158
00:06:36,482 --> 00:06:38,793
We went from Wakanda
to Afcrackerstan.
159
00:06:38,896 --> 00:06:41,758
- [laughing]
160
00:06:41,862 --> 00:06:43,655
- See?
I knew that shit was funny.
161
00:06:43,758 --> 00:06:46,965
Them West Coast crowds
don't know how to laugh.
162
00:06:47,068 --> 00:06:48,689
- Well, baby,
you got to admit it now.
163
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,068
This is way better
than Atlanta, right?
164
00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:52,931
They got ducks, there's tiki
torches, and it's diverse.
165
00:06:53,034 --> 00:06:54,206
- Diverse?
166
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:56,482
- There's all kinds
of white people.
167
00:06:58,172 --> 00:06:59,620
- We need to talk to Junebug.
168
00:06:59,724 --> 00:07:02,137
- Aw, no, baby,
I'm gonna talk to him myself.
169
00:07:02,241 --> 00:07:03,965
- No, you ain't scary enough.
170
00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:06,896
Your ass will probably have him
meditating or some shit.
171
00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:09,413
- Baby--
- I'll do it.
172
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:10,827
Just let me eat
and get some rest.
173
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,103
- Look, I told you
not to give him that phone.
174
00:07:13,206 --> 00:07:16,206
Now he just puts his whole
damn life on social media.
175
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,689
- Without the phone,
he'll be kidnapped and killed.
176
00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:20,896
- [sighs]
That's true.
177
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,103
- Whatever happened
to the good kidnappers?
178
00:07:23,206 --> 00:07:24,517
- Good kidnappers?
179
00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:26,206
- You know the ones
that used to take the kids,
180
00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:28,034
stick they thumb up they ass,
and bring them back.
181
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:29,896
[both laughing]
182
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,689
- No, player,
I don't know none of them.
183
00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:33,827
- Hey, what's good, y'all?
184
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,275
The most beautiful lady
in the world
185
00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:38,620
who gave birth to yours truly
186
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:40,034
is back in the building!
187
00:07:40,137 --> 00:07:41,965
Go ahead, say what's up
to the people, Ma.
188
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:45,068
- Boy, if you don't get that
prepaid shit out of my face...
189
00:07:46,793 --> 00:07:48,206
- Uh, say what's up, Pops.
190
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:50,000
- Hey, I see
you finally finished
191
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,620
touching yourself, son.
192
00:07:51,724 --> 00:07:54,655
- Chill, yo.
- Eat your breakfast, boy.
193
00:07:54,758 --> 00:07:57,965
- [sighs]
- Why you always on that phone?
194
00:07:58,068 --> 00:08:00,448
- I got to let the bros know
what I'm up to.
195
00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:02,551
- Don't nobody give a damn
about you, son.
196
00:08:02,655 --> 00:08:05,551
- Yes, they do, Ma.
I got fans.
197
00:08:05,655 --> 00:08:09,137
Ooh, like this one girl--
BigBootyBecky.
198
00:08:14,034 --> 00:08:17,103
I think she wants me.
- No, she don't.
199
00:08:20,275 --> 00:08:21,620
Where's your sister?
200
00:08:21,724 --> 00:08:23,206
- She said she didn't want
to go to school today
201
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,172
'cause of some shooting
on the news or whatever.
202
00:08:25,275 --> 00:08:26,724
both: What?
203
00:08:26,827 --> 00:08:29,275
- Look, y'all know Janelle
is overdramatic.
204
00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,448
And plus, look,
we from Atlanta.
205
00:08:31,551 --> 00:08:33,413
We know how to handle stuff
like that.
206
00:08:33,517 --> 00:08:34,551
[scoffs]
207
00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:36,172
- You dead.
208
00:08:37,689 --> 00:08:39,379
- That's not fair.
I didn't see it coming.
209
00:08:39,482 --> 00:08:42,586
- You never see it coming.
- But, Dad, I didn't know Ma--
210
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,827
- Stop talking.
You dead.
211
00:08:43,931 --> 00:08:44,793
- Mama!
212
00:08:44,896 --> 00:08:46,275
- Nigga, dead people
don't talk.
213
00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:48,310
They say, "Boo, nigga, boo."
214
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:57,931
Wake your ass up!
215
00:08:58,034 --> 00:08:58,965
- Ma!
216
00:08:59,068 --> 00:09:00,655
- Come on.
You got to go to school.
217
00:09:00,758 --> 00:09:02,758
- I don't want to go.
218
00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:05,241
- Look, I need this house
during the day
219
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,965
so I can walk around naked.
220
00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:10,241
Do you want to see what your
mama is really shaped like?
221
00:09:10,344 --> 00:09:13,068
- I already know you're shaped
like two sacks of laundry.
222
00:09:14,241 --> 00:09:16,241
- Leave the jokes to me.
Come on, get up.
223
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:17,655
You got to go to school.
224
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,206
- I just want to stay here, Ma.
Please.
225
00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:21,862
- [sighs] You think somebody
gonna shoot you?
226
00:09:21,965 --> 00:09:24,275
- Junebug told you?
- He told me something,
227
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:25,655
but I know you in here faking,
228
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:27,482
'cause you ain't scared
of nobody.
229
00:09:27,586 --> 00:09:28,758
You just trying to stay home
230
00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:31,655
so you can watch them
"Matlock" marathons.
231
00:09:31,758 --> 00:09:33,137
- I mean, I do love the way
232
00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:35,137
he gets white people
to tell the truth,
233
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,862
but I'm for real--
people get ideas,
234
00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:39,758
especially in this kind
of neighborhood.
235
00:09:39,862 --> 00:09:41,517
- This kind of neighborhood?
- [sighs]
236
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:43,034
- When I was your age,
237
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,793
I used to be scared
of the drunk mens on the corner
238
00:09:44,896 --> 00:09:47,241
with they junks hanging out.
- Ma, I'm serious.
239
00:09:47,344 --> 00:09:48,448
- I am, too.
240
00:09:48,551 --> 00:09:50,931
Them bumpy dicks
were scary as hell.
241
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:53,689
- How is this related to me
being killed in social studies?
242
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,034
- I don't know.
I'm tired.
243
00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:56,620
Just imagine bumpy dicks
and go get in the shower.
244
00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:58,034
Get up!
Go wash your hot pocket!
245
00:09:58,137 --> 00:10:00,000
- Okay, okay,
I'll get in the shower, okay!
246
00:10:03,275 --> 00:10:04,793
- I mean,
you almost can't help
247
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,724
but feel sorry
for the shooter, John.
248
00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:08,172
He really does
seem like he had
249
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,275
a promising e-gaming future
ahead of him
250
00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:11,551
before the tragedy happened.
251
00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:14,655
- Oh, shut the fuck up.
252
00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:17,137
[door opens and slams]
Jeez.
253
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,137
- Hey, PatPat.
254
00:10:19,241 --> 00:10:20,620
- Why you home so early?
255
00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,724
- Them bitches
"quired" me, sis.
256
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:24,758
- What the fuck is "quired"?
257
00:10:24,862 --> 00:10:27,068
- Fired me when I was
about to quit.
258
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:34,620
- How you get fired from three
jobs in one month, Denise?
259
00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:37,965
- Okay, first of all,
I was "quired."
260
00:10:39,103 --> 00:10:40,310
Second of all,
261
00:10:40,413 --> 00:10:42,655
jobs is for people who ain't
got nothing else to do.
262
00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:45,275
- Bitch, you ain't got
nothing else to do!
263
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,137
What happened at Panda Express?
264
00:10:49,241 --> 00:10:51,482
- Okay.
265
00:10:51,586 --> 00:10:53,931
See, what had happened was,
266
00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:56,793
them hos was talking about me
behind my back,
267
00:10:56,896 --> 00:10:59,241
saying that they saw me
268
00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:02,862
on camera stealing food.
269
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,586
Ain't that some shit?
270
00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,103
That's all right,
271
00:11:10,206 --> 00:11:12,379
'cause I don't really fuck
with pandas anyway.
272
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,793
You want one
of these egg rolls?
273
00:11:15,896 --> 00:11:18,206
- I'm not about to help you
eat no evidence.
274
00:11:20,517 --> 00:11:22,793
Give me a shrimp.
275
00:11:24,068 --> 00:11:25,689
- And I didn't steal this.
276
00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:27,793
- You lying.
- I'm not!
277
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:31,241
- You're a recovering addict.
Y'all never stop lying.
278
00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:32,896
- Okay, you right.
279
00:11:35,586 --> 00:11:39,793
But I didn't steal it
till they thought I stole it.
280
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:44,689
This legal-job shit
is hard, sis.
281
00:11:44,793 --> 00:11:47,827
Having somebody stand over me
all the damn time.
282
00:11:47,931 --> 00:11:50,482
I don't think I can work
for other people.
283
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,103
- Why you think I'm a comedian?
284
00:11:52,206 --> 00:11:56,103
I can't get fired by nobody
but God and Black Twitter.
285
00:11:58,586 --> 00:12:00,103
- And I don't see
how you do comedy.
286
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:03,689
Never knowing when your next
cash flow is coming in.
287
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:05,482
[laughs]
I can't be broke.
288
00:12:13,241 --> 00:12:14,551
- I ain't broke.
289
00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:16,379
- You may not be broke,
290
00:12:16,482 --> 00:12:18,103
but you bending.
291
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,413
It's kind of scary, sis.
292
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:26,827
- Not as scary as me putting
your ass out of my house.
293
00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:28,655
You my sister, and I love you,
294
00:12:28,758 --> 00:12:31,655
but I didn't bring you here
so you can do the same old shit
295
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:33,482
you did back at home.
296
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,689
- Well, I don't have a Terry
297
00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:38,517
to help me change my life
around like you did.
298
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:39,931
- You don't need a Terry.
299
00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:42,482
You got the same thing I had--
300
00:12:42,586 --> 00:12:44,103
me.
301
00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:48,137
- I need a Terry.
302
00:12:50,965 --> 00:12:51,965
- Come on, man,
watch my back, nigga!
303
00:12:52,068 --> 00:12:53,206
Watch my back!
[laughs]
304
00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:55,551
- Oh, I've had enough
of his ass.
305
00:12:55,655 --> 00:12:56,689
- What you about to do?
306
00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:57,551
You about to turn off
the Wi-Fi?
307
00:12:57,655 --> 00:12:58,931
- Yep.
308
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:00,413
- Well, how am I supposed
to find a job now?
309
00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:02,896
- Make a sign
like other homeless people.
310
00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:06,655
- No, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
311
00:13:06,758 --> 00:13:09,137
Mama!
What you do that for?
312
00:13:09,241 --> 00:13:11,000
I was just about to win a level
on "Call of Duty."
313
00:13:11,103 --> 00:13:12,344
- Son, you need to call a job
314
00:13:12,448 --> 00:13:15,965
and duty your ass up
out my house!
315
00:13:16,068 --> 00:13:19,068
You too old
to be screaming at fake shit.
316
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,758
- Fake?
Mom, this is not fake, okay?
317
00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,758
This is a real community.
318
00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:25,275
- Boy, this is as fake
319
00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:27,965
as your real daddy's
child support checks.
320
00:13:29,965 --> 00:13:32,965
You're 28 years old, son,
still living at my house.
321
00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:36,793
Get off my nipple.
I ain't got but one.
322
00:13:36,896 --> 00:13:39,655
- Okay.
Aw, I missed you, Mom.
323
00:13:39,758 --> 00:13:41,827
- I love and hate you, too.
324
00:13:41,931 --> 00:13:43,724
[cell phone chimes]
325
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:45,689
What this boy done posted now?
326
00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:48,310
[indistinct shouting]
327
00:13:48,413 --> 00:13:51,034
- Oh, shit!
- Yo, is that Janelle?
328
00:13:51,137 --> 00:13:53,310
- Whup her ass, niecey!
329
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:56,068
Yeah, whup her ass!
- Why is she fighting?
330
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:57,793
- And why would Junebug
post this?
331
00:13:57,896 --> 00:13:59,793
- Oh, please,
that boy posts everything.
332
00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:01,275
Did you see his last video?
- [sighs]
333
00:14:01,379 --> 00:14:03,413
- I don't know where he found
them raggedy-ass condoms.
334
00:14:03,517 --> 00:14:05,896
- Child, this is bigger than
them raggedy-ass condoms.
335
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,862
- Well, everything is bigger
than them condoms.
336
00:14:08,965 --> 00:14:10,586
Are you going to the school?
337
00:14:10,689 --> 00:14:12,758
- Bitch, I ain't
going to church.
338
00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:14,724
- Wait, turn the Wi-Fi
back on first.
339
00:14:14,827 --> 00:14:16,931
- Wi-Fi, nigga!
340
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,068
[door closes]
341
00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:23,344
- Wi-Fi, nigga.
342
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:27,310
Hello?
343
00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:31,689
- Oh, hello.
- Hi, I'm Patricia Carson.
344
00:14:31,793 --> 00:14:33,620
- I think I know
who you're here for.
345
00:14:33,724 --> 00:14:35,448
- My daughter J--
- Janisha, right?
346
00:14:35,551 --> 00:14:36,862
- Janelle.
347
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:40,000
- Oh, my goodness, yes.
I'm sorry.
348
00:14:43,379 --> 00:14:46,413
Principal Horner, Janiqua's mom
is here to see you.
349
00:14:53,379 --> 00:14:55,482
- Glad you could make it,
Ms. Carson.
350
00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:58,137
Please.
- What happened?
351
00:14:58,241 --> 00:15:01,896
- Your daughter and another
student were in the hallway.
352
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,344
Somehow guns
and the recent school shooting
353
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:06,068
became the topic of discussion.
354
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:09,103
Your daughter then stated,
and I quote,
355
00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:11,931
"Only white people
shoot up schools."
356
00:15:12,034 --> 00:15:13,862
- Which is a nonbiased fact.
- [sighs]
357
00:15:13,965 --> 00:15:15,551
- But then Hailey said,
358
00:15:15,655 --> 00:15:19,551
"It's because Black people are
too busy shooting each other."
359
00:15:19,655 --> 00:15:21,896
- Then what happened?
- Then your daughter--
360
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,586
- Dog-walked her
till she apologized.
361
00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:28,862
- We have a very supportive
community here,
362
00:15:28,965 --> 00:15:31,517
but some behavior
just cannot be tolerated.
363
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:34,275
- Well, can you tolerate
your students bragging
364
00:15:34,379 --> 00:15:36,344
about shooting assault rifles
with their parents?
365
00:15:36,448 --> 00:15:37,379
'Cause I can't.
366
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:39,517
- That's their right.
- Their right?
367
00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:42,551
Who needs an assault rifle
to defend themselves?
368
00:15:42,655 --> 00:15:44,827
If you can't shoot nobody
with eight to ten bullets,
369
00:15:44,931 --> 00:15:46,482
you deserve to be killed.
370
00:15:48,724 --> 00:15:50,827
- I am not here to have
a gun debate with you.
371
00:15:50,931 --> 00:15:53,034
I'm here to discuss
your daughter.
372
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:55,793
Now I know that it is difficult
373
00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:58,034
raising a child
as a single parent.
374
00:15:58,137 --> 00:15:59,517
- What did he say?
375
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,344
- Girl, he just called you
a single parent.
376
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:05,931
- What make you think
I'm a single parent?
377
00:16:06,034 --> 00:16:08,931
- Racism.
378
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:11,206
- I'm sorry.
I just assumed that--
379
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:12,724
- Now you done pissed me off.
380
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:15,862
- We do not allow threats
or cursing on our campus.
381
00:16:15,965 --> 00:16:18,034
- Piss ain't a cuss word,
bitch.
382
00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:22,758
Janelle, go to the car.
383
00:16:22,862 --> 00:16:25,034
Go to the car!
384
00:16:28,137 --> 00:16:29,793
[door closes]
385
00:16:29,896 --> 00:16:31,275
What is your problem?
386
00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:33,482
- Mrs. Carson, your daughter
is making things harder
387
00:16:33,586 --> 00:16:35,206
than they have to be.
388
00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:37,551
First, she's taking a knee
during the pledge.
389
00:16:37,655 --> 00:16:38,793
- That's her right.
390
00:16:38,896 --> 00:16:40,896
- Then she's wearing
Black Girl Magic T-Shirts,
391
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,034
when, in fact,
all girls have magic.
392
00:16:43,137 --> 00:16:45,068
- That's a damn lie.
393
00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:51,172
- And now she's fighting
in my hallways.
394
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:53,586
- Look, I don't condone
her fighting,
395
00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:56,206
but I think you just
don't know my daughter yet.
396
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:58,551
She's a straight-A student,
a great leader,
397
00:16:58,655 --> 00:17:02,655
and she's 50%
of your Black population.
398
00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:06,103
- How am I supposed to know
you or your family?
399
00:17:06,206 --> 00:17:08,551
I haven't seen you
at a PTO meeting
400
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,275
or a bake sale.
401
00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:12,965
And you haven't signed up to
chaperone a single field trip.
402
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:15,379
- They do criminal
background checks.
403
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:26,482
Hell, that's the best part
about being a felon.
404
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:29,965
No jury duty,
no trips to the zoo.
405
00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:32,482
- You're a f-felon?
406
00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:35,068
- Let's just say I made
a lot of mistakes in my life
407
00:17:35,172 --> 00:17:38,586
that I'm trying to keep
my kids from making.
408
00:17:38,689 --> 00:17:41,034
- Understood.
409
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:43,413
Mrs. Carson, your family
is welcome here,
410
00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:45,827
and I'm sorry your daughter
feels differently.
411
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:47,655
She just needs time,
412
00:17:47,758 --> 00:17:50,000
but I'm still suspending her
for five days.
413
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,379
- Four.
She won the fight.
414
00:17:51,482 --> 00:17:52,448
- Five.
415
00:17:52,551 --> 00:17:54,241
- Three.
It wasn't even close.
416
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:55,793
- Four.
- 3 1/2.
417
00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:57,068
- 3 1/2?
418
00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:58,620
- I'm not feeding her
for four days.
419
00:17:58,724 --> 00:18:00,172
She'll be here for lunch.
420
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,241
- Fine.
421
00:18:03,344 --> 00:18:05,034
- And just so we clear,
422
00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:06,448
they was both right.
423
00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:08,689
RayRay will shoot DayDay,
424
00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:11,827
but them Chad motherfuckers
gonna kill us all.
425
00:18:17,827 --> 00:18:20,827
I'm done with y'all ass.
Go upstairs and go to bed.
426
00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:22,724
- It's 2:00 in the afternoon.
427
00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:26,137
- Boy, you Black.
It's bedtime in Africa.
428
00:18:26,241 --> 00:18:28,586
- Niecey, your first fight,
429
00:18:28,689 --> 00:18:30,517
and you really whipped
that bitch's ass.
430
00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:31,758
- I know!
431
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,586
- You're next.
432
00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:36,137
- I was worried about you
'cause you read so good,
433
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,344
but you got hands!
434
00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:41,655
Hey, PatPat.
435
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:44,206
Can you come help me
with my résumé?
436
00:18:44,310 --> 00:18:45,517
- You know damn well
437
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:48,241
you can't get no job
that requires no résumé.
438
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:51,172
- Would you just shut up
and look?
439
00:18:51,275 --> 00:18:52,758
- Denise.
- Hmm?
440
00:18:52,862 --> 00:18:55,862
- How did you go to Hillman?
It's not even a real college.
441
00:18:57,344 --> 00:19:00,482
- It's an honorary degree.
442
00:19:02,344 --> 00:19:03,620
Hey, T.
- Hey.
443
00:19:03,724 --> 00:19:04,862
- You back early.
444
00:19:04,965 --> 00:19:06,413
- Yeah, well, your sister
made me come back home
445
00:19:06,517 --> 00:19:08,103
to talk to these kids.
446
00:19:08,206 --> 00:19:09,551
- 'Cause they got me
running around
447
00:19:09,655 --> 00:19:11,551
like a crackhead
looking for copper.
448
00:19:11,655 --> 00:19:12,724
- [sighs]
449
00:19:12,827 --> 00:19:14,034
Well, baby, how you think
you got me feeling
450
00:19:14,137 --> 00:19:15,413
when you gone, huh?
451
00:19:15,517 --> 00:19:17,000
They got me running around
like a ho in the street
452
00:19:17,103 --> 00:19:18,517
after payday.
453
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:22,034
- [laughs]
I'm sick of that girl.
454
00:19:22,137 --> 00:19:23,965
I don't know why
she acting like that.
455
00:19:24,068 --> 00:19:25,965
- 'Cause she just like you.
456
00:19:26,068 --> 00:19:27,241
- I don't act like that.
457
00:19:27,344 --> 00:19:29,448
- Yes, you do.
458
00:19:29,551 --> 00:19:31,793
Remember when Brandon's daddy
was cheating
459
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:33,103
and you shot him in the leg
460
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:35,482
just so you could
take care of him?
461
00:19:35,586 --> 00:19:37,931
- And he still left the
hospital with another bitch.
462
00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:39,379
[laughs]
463
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:42,379
- [laughs]
Or that time you fought Pookie
464
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,965
'cause he told you
your Jheri Curl was dry.
465
00:19:45,068 --> 00:19:47,413
- Fuck Pookie.
466
00:19:47,517 --> 00:19:49,137
- Hmm.
467
00:19:49,241 --> 00:19:51,034
Well, you know, the truth is,
468
00:19:51,137 --> 00:19:54,206
these kids ain't never
get in no trouble back home.
469
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,482
[sighs]
470
00:19:55,586 --> 00:19:57,827
Baby, did I mess us up
by moving here?
471
00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:02,689
- Pat?
472
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:07,068
- I'm thinking.
473
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,551
- Aw!
- Aw, that's right.
474
00:20:08,655 --> 00:20:10,482
That's right.
Just what you get!
475
00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,482
I know what I did,
and I'd do it again, try it.
476
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,068
- [sighs]
You're such a crazy--
477
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,379
- Say it,
and I'll knock your teeth out
478
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:19,827
and give them
to my Uncle Peaches.
479
00:20:19,931 --> 00:20:21,517
- What is going on?
480
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,206
- Dad, she broke my phone.
- You should've apologized.
481
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,827
- For what?
You hit her, not me.
482
00:20:25,931 --> 00:20:27,068
- How about I hit your ass?
483
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:28,310
- Whoa, whoa, hey, Janelle,
come on now.
484
00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:30,344
- She said "ass," Ma.
- It's in the Bible.
485
00:20:30,448 --> 00:20:32,551
- I don't read the Bible,
so you cursed.
486
00:20:32,655 --> 00:20:34,724
Get your fucking ass
downstairs.
487
00:20:40,482 --> 00:20:43,689
- She's evil, Ma.
I think it's menopause.
488
00:20:45,724 --> 00:20:48,103
- Why would you put your sister
out there like that?
489
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:49,310
- [sighs]
I don't know.
490
00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:50,724
I thought my followers
would like it.
491
00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:52,448
- You got to think
sometimes, man.
492
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:54,344
Everything ain't
for the world to see.
493
00:20:54,448 --> 00:20:57,344
- I hear you.
Is there anything else?
494
00:20:59,275 --> 00:21:01,000
- We want to talk to you
495
00:21:01,103 --> 00:21:04,103
about a video you posted
on your Snapchat this morning.
496
00:21:04,206 --> 00:21:05,413
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
497
00:21:05,517 --> 00:21:07,379
How did you see
what was on my Snapchat?
498
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:09,206
- Black parents
are like God, son.
499
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,551
We see every damn thing.
500
00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:15,689
- Are you having sex?
- You think I'm having sex?
501
00:21:15,793 --> 00:21:18,275
- Boy, calm your ass down
and answer the question.
502
00:21:18,379 --> 00:21:19,896
- Are you?
503
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,931
- Look, I really don't want
to talk about this with y'all.
504
00:21:23,034 --> 00:21:24,862
- We don't give a damn.
505
00:21:24,965 --> 00:21:26,862
- Ma, but I do.
506
00:21:26,965 --> 00:21:28,965
I mean, I'd rather have
this conversation
507
00:21:29,068 --> 00:21:30,827
with Brandon or somebody,
508
00:21:30,931 --> 00:21:33,793
'cause y'all don't really know
what it's like out here.
509
00:21:33,896 --> 00:21:37,344
So, if that's it,
can y'all just get out?
510
00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:40,827
Please?
511
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,448
- I'm not one
of your little friends, okay?
512
00:21:46,551 --> 00:21:50,310
I will kill your ass and still
claim you on my taxes.
513
00:21:52,586 --> 00:21:56,241
So I guess you think sex is
what you see on Pornhub, huh?
514
00:21:56,344 --> 00:21:58,586
"Bleached booty holes
and shit."
515
00:22:00,034 --> 00:22:01,103
Well, it's not!
516
00:22:01,206 --> 00:22:02,551
When I was your age,
517
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:05,275
I already had a child
and another one in the oven.
518
00:22:05,379 --> 00:22:06,482
So don't try to tell me
519
00:22:06,586 --> 00:22:08,344
I don't know what it is
out here, baby,
520
00:22:08,448 --> 00:22:10,344
because I was born out here.
521
00:22:10,448 --> 00:22:11,758
- All right, all right,
all right, all right.
522
00:22:11,862 --> 00:22:14,137
Hey, son, apologize
to your mother, huh?
523
00:22:14,241 --> 00:22:15,931
- No, fuck him, Terry.
524
00:22:18,448 --> 00:22:19,724
- I'm sorry.
525
00:22:19,827 --> 00:22:21,655
- And don't you ever
in your life
526
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:24,965
Snapchat a condom
that small again.
527
00:22:31,068 --> 00:22:34,482
- Are you actually thinking
about having sex?
528
00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:36,965
- [sighs]
I don't know.
529
00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:39,827
I just--but, you know,
I do have questions, though.
530
00:22:39,931 --> 00:22:42,000
- Oh, go ahead, son.
531
00:22:42,103 --> 00:22:44,000
That's what we here for.
532
00:22:44,103 --> 00:22:47,931
- I can ask anything?
- Anything you want, son.
533
00:22:49,517 --> 00:22:52,586
- Okay, okay, um...
534
00:22:52,689 --> 00:22:55,827
so what's a clit, and if--
- Oh, hell no.
535
00:23:03,827 --> 00:23:05,551
- I'm sorry I broke his phone.
536
00:23:05,655 --> 00:23:07,275
- If your brother
get kidnapped,
537
00:23:07,379 --> 00:23:09,413
you better
come up missing, too.
538
00:23:11,137 --> 00:23:12,551
What's going on with you?
539
00:23:12,655 --> 00:23:15,448
- You wouldn't understand.
- Why not?
540
00:23:15,551 --> 00:23:17,517
- You don't care
about stuff like this.
541
00:23:17,620 --> 00:23:20,172
- Like what?
- Racism.
542
00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:21,655
You bought
those Paula Deen pots
543
00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:23,310
even after
she called us the N-word.
544
00:23:23,413 --> 00:23:26,620
- Child, them pots went
from $100 to $20.
545
00:23:28,379 --> 00:23:30,310
That's the best time
to buy racism,
546
00:23:30,413 --> 00:23:31,689
when it's on sale.
547
00:23:33,586 --> 00:23:36,896
Hell, I'm still waiting on
Rachael Ray to fuck up.
548
00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:40,655
But what do that have to do
with this?
549
00:23:40,758 --> 00:23:43,103
- What she said was racist.
550
00:23:43,206 --> 00:23:46,931
- Janelle, just because
somebody say something stupid
551
00:23:47,034 --> 00:23:48,482
don't make them racist.
552
00:23:48,586 --> 00:23:51,068
It makes them an asshole.
553
00:23:51,172 --> 00:23:53,689
If you go around punching
every asshole you see,
554
00:23:53,793 --> 00:23:56,000
you will be covered in shit.
555
00:24:01,275 --> 00:24:03,551
- It doesn't bother you
what they think about us?
556
00:24:03,655 --> 00:24:04,965
- What do they think about us?
557
00:24:05,068 --> 00:24:07,482
- They think we're
all unemployed and lazy.
558
00:24:07,586 --> 00:24:09,655
- You are unemployed and lazy.
[laughs]
559
00:24:09,758 --> 00:24:12,206
- Ma, I hate it here.
560
00:24:12,310 --> 00:24:13,862
I'm tired of walking around
561
00:24:13,965 --> 00:24:16,655
being the token Black girl
all the time.
562
00:24:16,758 --> 00:24:19,793
Every day I wake up,
I feel scared to go there.
563
00:24:19,896 --> 00:24:22,517
I mean, whether it's scared
of a bullet
564
00:24:22,620 --> 00:24:25,000
or someone's dumb joke,
it all feels the same.
565
00:24:25,103 --> 00:24:29,000
- Well, a bullet is hot,
but continue.
566
00:24:30,241 --> 00:24:33,275
- I mean, Junebug, he's loving
being the token Black guy.
567
00:24:33,379 --> 00:24:35,931
White boys, they want to know
where he got his shoes
568
00:24:36,034 --> 00:24:38,275
and what kind of music
they should listen to.
569
00:24:38,379 --> 00:24:39,758
He has a way in.
570
00:24:39,862 --> 00:24:42,275
There's no way in for me.
571
00:24:42,379 --> 00:24:44,172
I miss home, Ma.
572
00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:48,655
I miss people actually
knowing my name and...
573
00:24:48,758 --> 00:24:51,586
Like, I don't know, okay?
I just...
574
00:24:51,689 --> 00:24:53,931
I miss people who get it...
575
00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:56,379
who get me.
576
00:24:56,482 --> 00:24:59,689
- Look, I know you frustrated.
I am, too.
577
00:24:59,793 --> 00:25:02,034
Hell, I miss being
at a Black beauty salon
578
00:25:02,137 --> 00:25:04,344
where all the bitches
are missing their edges.
579
00:25:04,448 --> 00:25:07,275
[both laughing]
580
00:25:09,931 --> 00:25:12,206
But I'm learning home
is where your family is.
581
00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:13,862
We blessed.
582
00:25:13,965 --> 00:25:15,758
I pray one day I get a big gig
583
00:25:15,862 --> 00:25:17,758
and get us the fuck up
out of here,
584
00:25:17,862 --> 00:25:20,724
but until then, we got
to make this place ours
585
00:25:20,827 --> 00:25:22,793
and laugh while we do it.
586
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:24,689
Sometimes you got
to laugh so hard
587
00:25:24,793 --> 00:25:26,620
that it breaks down
every mountain
588
00:25:26,724 --> 00:25:28,724
life can put in front of you.
589
00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,413
Why do you think
I'm a comedian?
590
00:25:30,517 --> 00:25:32,103
- 'Cause you hate
climbing mountains
591
00:25:32,206 --> 00:25:33,689
and any other exercise.
592
00:25:36,586 --> 00:25:38,241
- You gonna be all right.
593
00:25:38,344 --> 00:25:42,620
Plus, you love making
white people uncomfortable.
594
00:25:42,724 --> 00:25:44,862
Isn't this the place for you?
595
00:25:48,896 --> 00:25:51,758
- I love you.
- I love you, too, baby.
596
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,827
Janelle.
597
00:26:00,034 --> 00:26:02,793
You gonna be all right
at that school.
598
00:26:08,551 --> 00:26:10,965
- Hey, baby.
599
00:26:11,068 --> 00:26:12,689
Now...
600
00:26:12,793 --> 00:26:14,758
somebody's got
something to say.
601
00:26:14,862 --> 00:26:17,310
- Did you teach your daddy
what a clit is?
602
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:27,206
- No.
603
00:26:27,310 --> 00:26:30,275
I just wanted to apologize to
Janelle for filming the fight.
604
00:26:30,379 --> 00:26:32,862
I was just trying to show off
for my friends,
605
00:26:32,965 --> 00:26:36,241
and I didn't mean
to embarrass you like that.
606
00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:38,862
- I accept your apology.
607
00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:41,137
- And?
608
00:26:41,241 --> 00:26:45,068
- And I know
you won't do it again.
609
00:26:45,172 --> 00:26:47,172
- What?
Ma!
610
00:26:47,275 --> 00:26:50,310
Come on, why are these two
still alive?
611
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,896
For real, if I would've done
anything they did today,
612
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,758
I'd still be buried in
the playground at the projects.
613
00:26:56,862 --> 00:26:58,586
- I can't raise
my BlueCross kids
614
00:26:58,689 --> 00:27:01,068
the same way I raised
my Medicaid kid.
615
00:27:02,586 --> 00:27:05,172
They got cameras now.
616
00:27:05,275 --> 00:27:09,241
- Oh, hey, man, I just wanted
to give you back your condoms
617
00:27:09,344 --> 00:27:11,413
'cause I don't think I'm gonna
be using them any time soon.
618
00:27:11,517 --> 00:27:13,206
[laughter]
619
00:27:13,310 --> 00:27:16,862
[doorbell rings]
- Damn, it never grew?
620
00:27:16,965 --> 00:27:20,448
- Your dick is still
in the third grade?
621
00:27:20,551 --> 00:27:22,413
- [clears throat]
- Oh.
622
00:27:24,862 --> 00:27:26,344
How much of that
did you hear?
623
00:27:26,448 --> 00:27:27,827
- Hi.
624
00:27:29,275 --> 00:27:30,862
We're the Shaeffers.
625
00:27:30,965 --> 00:27:34,482
- And we're the Carsons,
the Fords, and the James.
626
00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:37,724
- [laughs]
Well, that's fun.
627
00:27:37,827 --> 00:27:40,655
We live next door,
and I just wanted to stop by
628
00:27:40,758 --> 00:27:42,172
and welcome you
to the neighborhood.
629
00:27:42,275 --> 00:27:43,931
- Oh, thank you.
630
00:27:44,034 --> 00:27:46,034
Bye-bye.
631
00:27:46,137 --> 00:27:49,000
See, I told y'all
all white people ain't bad.
632
00:27:51,448 --> 00:27:52,724
[door closes]
633
00:27:52,827 --> 00:27:54,551
- What the heck is that?
634
00:27:54,655 --> 00:27:55,827
- It look like
a one-layer lasagna.
635
00:27:55,931 --> 00:27:57,448
- Ain't that just a noodle?
636
00:27:57,551 --> 00:27:59,827
- Don't hate on our neighbors.
I think that was nice of her.
637
00:27:59,931 --> 00:28:02,517
- Nice? She just don't want us
to break in they house.
638
00:28:02,620 --> 00:28:05,517
- Well, we might have to if
we want them other five layers.
639
00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:08,620
[laughter]
640
00:28:08,724 --> 00:28:10,896
- Hold up.
This is a Rachael Ray tray.
641
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,517
This bitch
ain't getting this back.
642
00:28:12,620 --> 00:28:15,068
Come on, Denise, where that
Chinese food that you stole?
643
00:28:20,448 --> 00:28:23,206
[funky music]
644
00:28:23,310 --> 00:28:25,137
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman
645
00:28:25,241 --> 00:28:27,620
♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪
646
00:28:27,724 --> 00:28:29,586
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
647
00:28:29,689 --> 00:28:32,000
♪ And you can't get enough
648
00:28:40,206 --> 00:28:41,758
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman
649
00:28:41,862 --> 00:28:44,034
♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪
650
00:28:44,137 --> 00:28:46,000
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
651
00:28:46,103 --> 00:28:48,482
♪ And you can't get enough
652
00:28:48,586 --> 00:28:50,689
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
653
00:28:50,793 --> 00:28:53,000
♪ With a husband and kids
654
00:28:53,103 --> 00:28:56,103
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
655
00:28:56,206 --> 00:28:59,275
♪ And it's the Ms. Pat Show
656
00:28:59,379 --> 00:29:02,000
♪
48147
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