Original subtitles

I should commend you both.

It's very courageous of you to first admit that you have a sexual problem,

second, to seek professional advice.

Our institute has the highest success rate in the country.

Your case is a very common one, really.

Despite your own concern, I can assure you that your problem is not a

psychological nature.

It's not?

Absolutely not.

Then what is it?

Why was Mr. Telfin...

Your inability to get aroused by your husband and your husband's slight case

impotence is, well, it's caused by a chemical imbalance in your body.

Really? Really.

That's what our tests have showed.

Can it be cured?

Of course it can.

In fact, our research department has recently developed a non -toxic

stimulant. In aphrodisiac and layman's terms.

A perfumed aphrodisiac, in fact.

With absolutely no side effects.

In no time at all, you'll be back to fucking.

I don't know about this.

We've tried everything else and nothing's worked so far.

Yeah, but a perfume?

Oh, what have we got to lose?

Okay, why not?

I think I'm getting aroused.

Me too.

In only a few minutes, you'll start feeling the effect.

Thank you.

you

Thank you.

It's such a lovely sight when she says this.

Wonderful.

Simply wonderful.

I'll shut up and cough like a faggot or I'll crack your balls.

Oh, yeah.

How thoughtful.

You know it's against regulations.

Yeah, and like what we're doing, it's against regulations already.

It's been a long time, 35.

Two long eggs.

Kiss me. I'm in the mood.

Like an IUD.

It takes pictures when I'm with, for the reasons that it does. Spare me the

details, okay?

Anyway, you know how always, don't call the back door man because of sexual

leanings.

No, no, not tonight.

Listen, can it be done tomorrow?

Absolutely not.

All right.

By the way, have you seen Agent 35?

No, why?

I can't raise him on the communicator.

I've never seen him have that problem.

It's a dummy.

Dummy.

These two girls you see here are Laura and Gail.

Oh, porn queens?

They just happen to be the two most dangerous and despotic females ever to

lived on this earth.

They also happen to be lesbians.

Lesbians. So my best friend, a lesbian, is highly inclined.

They have invented a new and very monstrous aphrodisiac.

So she knows it doesn't work.

Surely doesn't work. It makes people unbelievably horny. Sex crazy like

never seen before.

What's wrong with a little sex craziness, Noel?

Nothing. The problem with this one is the side effects.

Side effects?

Anything like the main side effects.

That'd be pretty interesting.

Uh, no.

It turns women into ball -busting, men -hating, card -carrying dykes.

Sounds like my special instruction.

And the men, oh, it turns men into maniacal stage actors who scream lines

Othello. It's a bit counterproductive.

Counterproductive?

Counterproductive? It turns them into ranting madmen who obey the most trivial

orders from those desp - are the calf sisters, and the women, or lesbians, are

in such a deranged state of mind that they will do anything.

Good God, it's fantastic.

You and Agent 35 have got to stop them.

Why?

Because, my dear ducky, they plan to take over the world. They feel that the

globe is dominated by a male chauvinistic ruling class, and they want

it. And replace it with what?

A female chauvinistic ruling class.

What else?

They run a phony sex therapy clinic that's really a front for their lesbian

and a method of recruiting new members.

They simply prescribe the drug Formula 69 and press now they have a new

You and Agent 35 will pose as a troubled married couple in dire need of

professional help. We'll infiltrate the organization and render them neutral

before they can do some real harm.

When's that?

Tomorrow morning by 10.

That's when the buyer from A .B.'s department stores is meeting with him to

close a nationwide distribution deal.

Could you imagine what this country would be like if that perfume was

It would be the end of civilization as we know it.

We're also going to plan a fail -safe device in your clitoris. If you get into

trouble, all you have to do is rub it real hard, and we'll send in the backup

team. Remember.

Stop that sales deal with ladies at all costs.

Now, get out of here.

Need any help?

It's against regulations.

We're going to fill that order. We're going to start collecting more of the

active ingredients.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

my tongue.

Oh, my tongue.

Oh.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

no.

Oh, no.

Oh, I feel like crying.

Africa,

born in 1969.

research, hard work. We're all worth it.

We're the only ones who are immune to its effects.

Limitless power.

What exactly is your problem?

Well, we haven't had... It's been difficult. We haven't, you know, had

relations. You mean you haven't been fucking?

Right.

Okay, well, if you would like to continue therapy, you'll need to fill

here forms.

Mr. Comstock, would you be so kind as to step into the therapy room and you'll

meet your surrogate there.

Mrs. Comstock will treat you right here.

Isn't this, like, a little unusual?

Not at all.

You don't like those big, ugly wings, do you?

You're one of us.

You'll love it with all of your fucking color.

You're right. I don't like those big, ugly wings.

This is part of the therapy, huh?

This is going to make it go nuts.

We will have a journey in no time.

Somebody help.

Hey, Jimmy there.

What?

Don't move too hard on that foot!

You all right? Am I doing good?

I can't smell it.

I don't hate it yet.

There she goes.

Do you want to know what she does to you?

Like that.

Use your tongue.

They obey us, but God, are they ever dumb.

Well, at least we can count on them.

We need leaders, sis.

She's smart, active, and very sensual.

I say we give her another test.

If she passes, we have a new recruit.

And if she doesn't, give her a whiff. It's my compliment.

parts of conversation that a chamber have.

You want to boast.

You want to be afflicted.

I would rather be a toad and live on the vapor of a dungeon.

You poor boy.

I'm here to be of service to you, madam.

Yeah?

Whatever thou willst, I will test.

How about some dinner?

Well, I'm in an eating mood.

Come on.

Ah.

Now our dinner for a big treat tonight.

We're in the kitchen, delicately prepared.

It's Italian sausage on a bun.

I'm appetizing.

Is it hot?

As hot as the infernal flame.

And as spicy as the delicacies of Cyprus.

Every puny whisper gets my sword.

Why let honor stand in the way of honesty?

I'm sorry.

It's making me hot.

20 times you're stopped.

Put a cap on it and shove it in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

That was big.

Give it to me.

Harder.

Please, to meet you.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Salesman from Navy.

That should do it.

How soon can we have them shipped to our central warehouse?

Well, I don't see why we couldn't have them there by this afternoon.

This afternoon?

That's 50 ,000 cases, you realize.

We're quite aware of that, Mr. Squire.

Oh,

yes.

There is one more thing before I conclude the deal.

What is that?

I've never sampled your perfume.

Would you like to?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I would like that.

One has to be certain, you know.

Well, just follow me then, if you will.

Quiet.

A gun's no good.

There must be something here.

Prophylactic. It's worth a shot.

Well, as you know, the formula has a very sensual side effect.

Oh, yes. I've heard so much about that.

Just one whiff of this, and it'll make you feel like you're in a static heaven.

Prophalactics, my dear.

Prophalactics.

Hey, what about Agent 35?

Remember this, Geneva?

Remember

that,

Constantinople?

Thank you.

I have a special mother here.

There's something else I want you to suck.

You've been there before.

Mmm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Who's that girl?

Oh, I know.

I have... Oh, yes, you remember.

Oh,

I've been...

Yes.

Yes.